Dealing With Marital Unfaithfulness

When someone you are committed to love and have covenanted your life to, to spend the rest of your life with and share yourself with all the remaining days of your life is not as faithful to that covenant, but is rather having extra-marital affairs with someone else, the knowledge of this is a thing I am at loose of words to describe. I am tempted to use words like hurt of feelings or betrayal, but I am not sure if these best describes what I am trying to communicate to anyone reading this post.
Marital unfaithfulness is the leading cause of divorce in marriages and has played a major role in troubled homes. In fact some people go to the extreme and do unthinkable things when they find out their spouse have been unfaithful to them. As a matter of fact some kill for it. Jesus understanding how hurtful this can be in Matthew 19:9 gave marital unfaithfulness as the only reason why anyone can go for a divorce. But the clause to that we will find in 1 Corinthians 7:11 when Paul speaking as God’s mouth piece says divorce can only take place if the person going for the divorce option remains unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and same goes for the man.
In the culture of the part of the world where I come from (which is African/Nigerian), it is permissible for the man to cheat on his wife, in fact it is a common occurrence that a man is cheating on his wife and it is assumed that the wife should understand and bear with it. So in the man’s world it is understandable to cheat on your wife. But when its the the wife who cheats on her husband, it is totally a thing of great dishonour to the woman and most unlikely if her marriage is not destroyed completely whenever the husband gets to know about it. What beats me in this tradition is if the woman is less human than the man and if it is also assumed that she should not hurt over the fact that her husband is having extra-marital affairs or there is no sense of betrayal that should be mourned over on her part. But with all these said, the main purpose of this message is not to dwell too much on the problem of marital unfaithfulness, but to trust God to help us with a workable solution for those struggling with such in their marriage without having to face the follow up problem of divorce or separation.  
I once wrote a message on this blog on the topic of trust in the marriages and in dealing with the issue of unfaithfulness which is closely tied to the word TRUST, I will be making some similar conclusions as we did then. But the first thing to address when trying to heal through the problem of marital unfaithfulness is the ability to forgive. One of the reasons why marital unfaithfulness leads to so many other problems in marriages is the inability of the one who has been bruised to forgive his/her spouse. In fact Jesus stated in Matthew 19:8 that the reason why Moses permitted divorce was because the hearts of men were hard. When you cannot see yourself forgiving your spouse, then the issue of divorce comes into the picture.
To ask whether it is possible to forgive a spouse who has dishonoured the marriage covenant you both share is a question I will personally give a YES answer to, depending on how far you are willing to remove the hardness of your heart and bear in you the mind of Christ. And if asked whether I really do understand what it means to have my husband cheat on me, I will still give you a yes answer to that too, because I have been through that road before, I understand the betrayal and I have felt the hurt before and still I have forgave my husband, trusted God to help me through with grace to trust my him again and I have a beautiful marriage going for me, married to a wonderful husband who though has made his mistakes and we have healed together and with God he has helped me heal through the process.
Once you are able to forgive your spouse, it really does not end there. Dealing with marital unfaithfulness is not just about forgiving your spouse, it is about preventing the situation from re-occuring, and being able to build the trust the you once had for your spouse. Forgiving your spouse for cheating on you is a factor that depends on you, but preventing him/her from cheating on you again is a thing that you cannot determine. It not a factor that depends on you, but on your spouse with the help of God. Then rebuilding the trust you once had for him/her is a factor that depends on you, but will be greatly boosted by your spouse’s actions and commitment to you and the marriage. I will trust God to help give better details on these rebuilding process. 
Like I just mentioned, the fact that your spouse will not cheat on you again after you must have forgiven him or her is an issue that you as a person can determine no matter how hard you try. The more you try to be vigilant and monitor his/her movement, the more concealed he/she becomes of their sins. For the unrepentant spouse, they will only learn better ways to conceal the sin than give it up. But when you kneel before the Lord in prayer and hand over your spouse and his/her sins to God, He will not just forgive and wash the sins away, He will replace his heart of stone with a heart of flesh and put a new spirit in him. He will give him reasons to run away from marital unfaithfulness beyond what you can ever imagine. Proverbs 21:1 says “The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.” Also Ezekiel 36:25-27 reads “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of sone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” From this two passages, you understand that to run away from the sins of marital unfaithfulness, you only need to commit your spouse to God and trust the Lord to do a renewal work in his/her life and place him/her on the path of those that please the Lord rather than those that gratify the lust of the flesh. Don't bother to believe that your spouse is remorseful and will change, but rather trust God to change him or her. It is easier and more assuring to trust God to make the necessary changes in the life of your spouse than to trust your spouse to change by their own self effort.
The last thing to consider when dealing to this kind of problem in marriage is the ability to trust your spouse again. But the truth is that you do not need to bother yourself with trying to trust your spouse, it is more reassuring to trust God to change your spouse for you. Jeremiah 17:5-9 reads “5This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. 6He will be like the bush in the wasteland; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives. 7But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruits. 9The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?’’ So from what we have read in this passage it is more assuring to trust God even in the matter of your spouse’s faithfulness to you. Trying to trust and believe that they can be faithful by themselves will only open you up to possible disappointment again in the future. For the unrepentant spouse, they only learn better tactics to conceal their extra-marital affairs such that you don't know than giving it up.
It gives you more assuring confidence that you have handed the matter to God and you trust Him to bring about a lasting solution to it. With God working on your behalf, you will see the changes in the life of your spouse that leaves you no doubt that he/she is a new person that is worthy of your love and trust again. But you need to trust God to make a change first than to trust your spouse to change with self effort.
With all that the Lord has help us to know in this message, I am positive that overcoming marital unfaithfulness without divorce or separation is still very much possible. When you are able to forgive your spouse and trust God to make the desired changes in his/her life you are sure of a beautiful marriage and more sure of your spouse’s salvation. Your labour in this regard is never in vain.

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The Believing Spouse Vs The Unbelieving Partner

1 Corinthians 7:14

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

I do have a love for marriages, and I am convinced that if we can get it right at the home front, then the world will be a better place for all to live in. The home is the foundational bedrock of any society, and the larger the number of homes functioning well, with love abounding in the home, then the society at large will surely function well.

In the verse before us, Paul addressed the issue of an unbeliever married to a believer. It is correct that Paul in 2 Corinthian 6:14-18 says we should not be equally yoked with unbelievers, but if probably both were unbelievers when they got married, and one spouse found Christ, does that negate their marriage union? 

Even in that case, the position of God has not changed, and God has not permitted divorce or separation on grounds of belief. It might appear as though Paul permitted that a believer separates from his/her spouse if the unbelieving spouse wishes it so, but I bless God that Paul beginning in 1 Corinthians 7:12 stated that he was just saying his view and not God's position. And so, we will not be wrong to conclude that the belief factor is also not a reason strong enough for a married couple to consider divorce or separation. 

With that been said, we will now consider a marriage relationship between a believer and an unbeliever. Paul said, that the unbelieving wife has been sanctified by the believing husband, and also the unbelieving husband has been sanctified by his believing wife. Job 22:30 confirm this statement of Paul in some ways, it reads: "He will deliver even one who is not innocent, who will be delivered through the cleanness of your hands." And so we understand that God will show mercy to your unbelieving spouse through your own righteousness or better still the cleanness of your hands.

It a thing of joy to know that the mercy of God will radiate through you even to your spouse. This should not be misery to you though, knowing that you and your spouse are one in flesh and spirit before God and man. So by virtue of your relationship with God your spouse enjoys the mercy of the Lord until he/she is also won over to God. 

I want to believe that for the believing spouses this is a message worth been joyful over, knowing that as you wait on God for the salvation of your loved one he/she still enjoy God's grace and mercy through the cleanness of your hands. And with you standing in the gap in prayer for him/her  and showing him/her the love of Christ in your daily living, it will not be long before he/she will also be won over to Christ Jesus.

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Dealing With Abusive Marriage

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Proverbs 19:13
A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.

Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Malachi 2:16
“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty.

Some minutes ago I was discussing with some married women and the line of discussion was on marital abuse such that the wives are being physically abused by their husbands. And while I was quiet and listening to the other two women speak, their conclusions were that they could not take such from any man. But the reality is that I will term them lucky to be married to men who by nature of their upbringing do not abuse women. But for those men and women who are challenged with abusive marriage I will tell you categorically that this is a problem like all other problems we encounter in life that can be overcome without you leaving that marriage depending on how you deal with the issue.

Most times a lot of women have been advised to leave the marriage for safety of their lives when the abuse becomes bloody in nature, and I am also tempted to go for same advise for those in abusive marriages. But after the assumed temporary separation, what happens next? And also what are the chances that the couple will ever get back together given that they did not heal from the wounds of the abuse while being together. So the natural thought is that they are better separated, given that if possibly they get back together there are no guarantees that the problem will not reoccur.

So what I will be trusting God to help us address is how the couple can overcome the problem of abuse in marriage without having go to through the process of separation. Based on my own personal experience I am convinced that divorce is not the solution to a troubled marriage. I am also convinced that separation is not the answer to an abusive marriage.

The mostly discussed form of abusive in marriage is that of the husband over the wife. Although there one too many cases also of men being the ones on the receiving end of the abuse and I am also trusting God to help us look through that aspect of abuse, but we will first address the issue of the man abusing the wife in a marriage situation.

I once wrote a post on dealing with dispute in marriage and the conclusions arrived at in that post will not be far from that which I will be discussing in this post. For the man to abuse his wife for any reason there will be an underlining cause to it. The man might be pushed into it by his wife, it might be an hereditary traits to that problem, it might also be that he is having an extra-marital affair and thus the other woman pleases him more while his wife has began to irritate him, it might be that he is operating under the influence of a curse or some demonic powers are on display in his life or even that he is experiencing some frustrations in his finances or having other forms of challenges and is taking out his frustration on his wife, and there might be many other reasons for his ungentlemanly attitude. But whatever the case maybe the wife is still the one assigned by God to help him get over it because in all of a man’s troubles in life, the wife is God’s appointed suitable help for him.

I am sure most wives who are at the receiving end of the rod in an abusive marriage will find it a little difficult to accept my last statement but that is the truth of the word of God. It is assumed that the wives are more discerning, mostly especially if the wife is a godly wife, and if this happens to be true, then the wives will be in the position to seek help on behalf of their husbands who might never agree that he requires help in this situation rather than abandon their marriages for uncertainty.

Peter in 1 Peter 3:1-2 admonished the wives to win their husbands for the Lord not by words but by their behaviours. If for example, your husband shouts at you and you have assumed that you are his wife and not his slave that should be shouted at and so decides that the appropriate thing to do is to shout back at him, which in turn leads to an argument that eventually degenerates to the exchange of punches, then I will say that the wife has behaved less than God expects of her in that marriage. Her behaviour has not in any way displayed that of a suitable helper available for God’s use to win her husband over to God. The self esteem of a woman is not in any way affected by your husband’s bouts of shout. You are a beautiful woman loved and appreciated by God irrespective of your husbands shouts. Your response to your husband’s shouts over time will tell if he will continue to shout or he will eventually give up that nasty behaviour. Your husband’s negativity will only affect you to the extent to which you allow it to. Your prayerful calmness on the other hand is a trait that over time, will produce a result of calmness and peace in your home. And so Peter said that your unbelieving husband will be won over to the Lord not with words, but by your behaviour.

If your husband is being violent to you for reasons other than you trying to be the boss lady in the marriage, you are still the instrument the Lord desires to use in helping him because the are God’s designated suitable helper for his life. Your husband as a victim might never be able to explain the reason behind his behaviour, but you as the closest to him and being empowered to discern things will be able to narrow down possible reasons to his behaviour and persistently take the situation to God in prayer. Praying continuously and fervently until you see results. Sometimes when you are downcast you can seek help from trusted true believers who can join you in supplication to God over the matter until God comes through for you, and He surely will. But you need to ensure that you do all that is possible to keep yourself from harms way at the time of his violent outburst ensuring that you didn't trigger the outburst and while not doing anything to jeopardize your marriage until the normalcy is restored in your home.  

If your husband is beginning to act strange as a result of the fact that he is seeing another woman outside of the marriage, though it will definitely hurt you and you’ll feel betrayed, but you still need to get yourself together and pray the strange woman out of your husband’s life and out of your marriage. In most cases being confrontational about it might enable you a momentary satisfaction, but will most likely not solve the problem. But when you take the matter to God in prayer and pray the truth of the word of God in Proverbs 5:15-20 and Genesis 2:24 which says you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit and not with a strange woman, then you will surely see positive and lastly results that will give you peace and restore love into your home. You also need to ensure that you remain physically attractive to your husband and enable him the satisfaction he deserves from his wife

With all that has been said concerning the woman and a violent husband, we will take a glance at the issue of a quarrelsome woman. If as a man your wife is quarrelsome, and is on the verge to pushing you to the wall, then I implore you to be the advocate of that woman before God just as Christ Jesus is our advocate before God the Father until the Lord transforms her into the wife of noble character that will promote the favour of God in your life. I understand that sometimes it can be frustrating when the woman who should be giving you peace has become a thorn in your flesh, but try imagine the patience that Christ keeps up with over his stubborn bride which is the church yet He continue to intercede for them before God. Bearing in you the mind of Christ, I will beg you to continue to prayer tirelessly for your wife until the Lord comes into her life and speaks calmness into her.

Seeking succor from another woman will just encourage sin that will ultimately ensnare your life and hinder your prayers, and being violent is also not an option because it is an attitude that God hates. Divorce as it maybe is also not a readily available answer to that problem, but when you trustingly commit the situation into the hands of God, it is just a matter of time for you to start experiencing a newness in your wife that gives you much pleasure and peace.

Marriage is a beautiful place to be, not that it without its challenges but when God has been made that foundation of that union then you are guaranteed of peace, joy and love in your union, being mindful of the truth that two are better than one. When you have learnt and you abide by God’s rules of engagement for your marriage you cannot get it wrong because the author’s manual of the God that established marriage is what your union is running with. Your life and home is blessed in Jesus Name.   

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A Guaranteed Promise

Numbers 23:18-24
Then he uttered his oracle:
“Arise, Balak, and listen; hear me, son of Zippor. God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it.
“No misfortune is seen in Jacob, no misery observed in Israel. The Lord their God is with them; the shout of the King is among them. God brought them out of Egypt; they have the strength of a wild ox. There is no sorcery against Jacob, no divination against Israel. It will now be said of Jacob and of Israel, ‘See what God has done!’
The people rise like a lioness; they rouse themselves like a lion that does not rest till he devours his prey and drinks the blood of his victims.”

I bless God for another wonderful opportunity to share a bit of God’s word on this blog site. It's been a long while since I posted a message here, well I’ll blame it on health and the so many distractions that have been trying to take my focus away from the assignment of God in my life. Not that the messages are not important, but the strength to continually do this I pray for daily.
The oracle uttered by Balam in the passage above shows that it is impossible for God to speak and not act, and also it is impossible for God to promise and not fulfill. Even though we are assured God is boundless and there nothing is impossible for Him to do, but when it comes to God speaking a word over a situation, it is impossible for the word to be reversed or the promise of God to go unfulfilled.
For the descendants of Abraham, the promise of God that will not go unfulfilled is a promise of blessing, protection, strength and victory. A full package I must say coming from God for His own people that will not change as long as these people remain His people and are not snatched away by sin and the lust-fullness of the world.
The sure word of God concerning the descendants of Abraham spoken by Balam says, “no misfortune is seen in Jacob, no misery observed in Israel.” From this line of the oracle, it is certain fact that the descendants of Abraham are protected from any and every form of evil. In order to appreciate this better lets hear what satan has to say to God concerning Job in Job 1:9. “ ‘Does Job fear God for nothing?’ Satan replied. ‘Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land.” From this we can now understand that when a man works right before the Lord, God protects him and all he has from any evil. Balam’s oracle has made this known concerning the descendants of Abraham and then satan also confirmed it concerning the life of Job.
Another sure thing that is made known in the oracle of Balam is that God is in the camp of the descendants of Abraham. He says “the shout of the King is among them.” And so no sorcery or divination can work against the children of Israel. They are the untouchable breed as long as they are not consumed by sin.
If we are convinced that the oracle of Balam is true and we know that till date the descendants of Abraham are is covered by the covenant spoken of by Balam, then we need to find out if we can part-take of this covenant and have the blessings, protection, strength and victory of God abide is our own lives too.
Galatians 3:26-29 answers this question for us, it reads: “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise." So we now know that as long as we belong to Jesus, we are blessed and that is a fact that no-one can change. There is no misfortune seen in us and no misery observed in our dwelling. The Lord is with us and the shout of the King is among us. We have the strength of a ox and there is no sorcery against us nor is there any divination against us. That is our heritage. That is what the Lord has spoken concerning our lives which will not go unfulfilled. He has spoken it and He will act on it. HALLELUYAH!!!!!!!

A Win-Win Victory Is Inevitable When You Love Rather Than Hate

Romans 12:14-21
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge, I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
My past few days have been so occupied with many activities like having two of my children breaking out with measles and having to spend three days in the hospital and still having to keep awake now to watch over one of them still burning up with fever. Then I have needing to watch my own health due to stress and fatigue. But I thank God that in all Jesus has the final say and my family will be back on their feet to the glory of God alone.
I have not shared a post on this site in about 14days and the work on my books have been halted. So I started to pray and trust God for a word a share that will make an impact on the lives of those who read it. Many passages came to mind as I began to search the word of God, I was blank as to what to write but the Lord will never let His work be left undone and on this site the word of God will not be scarce in Jesus Name.
The passage above is one that when my spirit decided to write on it, I must confess I didn’t know what exactly to write as the passage is self explanatory. But one of the first things that the Lord dropped on my mind when I began to type is found in verse 15 and it says “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” But Paul did not give the category of those to rejoice with or mourn with. The thought that first came to mind is that "what if those who rejoice are not in the circle of believers, are we still to rejoice with them? Then what if the category of those who mourn are not in the circle of believers, are we still to mourn with them? "
Answering this question is not far fetched at all. If the Lord in verse 14 which is the preceding verse says we should bless those who persecute us and not curse them, then we need to understand that those to rejoice or mourn with and in fact pray for are not just those within the circle of believers, but even those who though are consumed in their own ignorance still need a touch of Jesus in their lives.
For quite a number of people, it's appears like hard teaching when the God says do not take revenge. It feels satisfying to the flesh when someone hurts you and you are able to see that person experience in same measure or more of the level of pain they have inflicted on you. But in truth what happens next after you have watched your adversary or persecutor go through any measure of pain. You experience a moment of satisfaction and that ends it.
When God says do not revenge, He does not mean to allow your persecutor to go unpunished, but first there is a level of grace made available to him/her to make room for repentance. The grace that was extended to you through the perfect finished work of Jesus on the Cross at Calvary is in fact open to all to take hold of and benefit from.
Once I read in the news of a head of a Christian Movement in Nigeria advocating for Christians to be allowed to carry arms and fight back against the insurgents that are slaughtering Christians in the name of religion. And although this might sound fair, but is that the God approach to such a matter? I have learned that nothing draws the attention of a man’s heart as much as the fervent and continuous display of love even in the wake of terrible persecution. The devil behind the problem gets confused when you are being persecuted, but rather than hate and fight back you choose the path of love.
The truth is that your labour of love is not an empty effort. It will either cause a change of heart for your persecutor and draw him/her to the source of your strength which is God, therefore causing a repentance of heart for him/her and you would have gained a soul for the Kingdom of God, not with the preaching of mouth but with your actions of love and forgiveness, or it will heap burning coals on his/her head making the wrath of God inevitable. Which ever way it goes, it is win-win situation.
The last thing that caught my attention is what Paul said in verse 18 of the passage, it reads, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” From what we are seeing here, it is understandable when you want to make peace with an adversary and the person isn’t forth coming or not ready for a reconciliation. But the broken peace should not be by your own doing as a child of God, and even in the event that such a thing happens, giving this so called adversary some space is understandable, but not to further aggravate the situation is what I believe the Lord is saying through Paul. As a child of God you need to make every effort to be at peace with all men not withstanding the provocation.
At times when I have to write on an issue such as this, my mind is always quick to go to the story of David and Saul his master who hated him for no reason at all. Instead of David been confrontational and fight for his defense, in 1 Samuel chapters 24 and 26, we read of how David had the golden opportunities to avenge himself and kill Saul, but rather than doing that he let God handle the matter for him and deal with His anointed Himself. But his labour of love and self restrain was not in vain. Saul was eventually dealt with by God and David was anointed king over all Israel.  
For as long as it depends on you, the Lord wants you to be at peace with everyone. God requires that you make every effort towards leaving at peace with those around you. When you have this as a focus in your daily relationships with people, it will always be a win-win situation for you.

In Marriage, Who Should Do The Proposing?

Ruth 3:1-5
One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be provided for? Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.”
“I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered. So she went down to the threshing-floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do.

Yet another interesting lesson to learn from the book of Ruth. I bless the living God for always opening His word unto us. Today’s post will again come with a message for the intending couples and the singles who are looking up to God for the man or woman whom the Lord has made for them and made them for. The message today touches on the issue of marriage proposal. Who is the ideal of the two to propose marriage to the other? Is it the man to propose marriage to the woman as the tradition has it now, or the woman can also propose marriage to the man without the feeling of shame or worthlessness?
Although based on the traditional norms, it is the right thing that the man who wishes to marry a woman proposes marriage to her. If a woman is seen proposing marriage to a man there is this idea that such a woman is desperate for marriage or probably lacks shame or self-worth. But the truth is that a lot of woman have missed out on the man of their dreams or their God ordained husband because they waited endlessly for the man to propose and he didn’t and they eventually took that as a sign that he is not interested as they could not wait any longer and thus ended the relationship.
Ruth was made to propose marriage to Boaz on the leading her Naomi her mother-in-law and God did not condemn this act, rather Ruth the woman with the noble character found rest in the house of Boaz and she became the great-grandmother of that wonderful king David and was thus in the lineage of the Lord Jesus Christ. And so this tells me that heaven in not particular about who amongst the two intending couples proposes to the other as long as they are working in accordance to the will for God for their lives and they have the approval of God on the covenant they are about to commit themselves into.
This is not to say that women have been given the go ahead to run after every man they lust after and propose marriage to them because Ruth proposed to Boaz. But if the Lord has ordered your steps to that man to be his wife and you are so sure of this, He will prepare the heart of that man ahead of your arrival and both of you will know that the meeting of you two is ordained by the Lord. God had prepared the heart of Adam before the arrival of Eve, and in the same manner He had prepared the heart of Boaz before Ruth was led to lie at his feet by the instruction of Naomi. You cannot just go ahead chasing every man on the road because you feel you are getting over-aged for marriage and its time to propose if the man will not.
Ruth’s proposal did not come in words but actions, and based on the customs of their times Boaz understood the meaning of her actions and responded accordingly. So if as a woman you are led to that man  by the Lord and you feel you cannot get the words out, then use the actions that by the grace of God he will understand and act on. But this must be with the express approval of the living God. If the man is not getting the message of your action and not responding favourably, please don't push any further, go back to your kneels and start to pray. It could be that the Lord has not prepared the heart of that man ahead of you. At this point you need to throw out all emotions and get a clear word from God. Maybe the Lord has not led you to that man but rather your emotions have taken the best of you.
Solomon advised in the book of Song of songs 8:4 that “Daughter of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” The emotion called love should not come into your heart concerning any man or woman for the purpose of marriage before you have prayed well and sought the face and consent of God concerning that man or woman before releasing your love to them. But if you have prayed well and you are sure the Lord has led you to that man, then as a woman heaven does not forbid you to propose marriage to him in whatever way you find convenient to do it. And also for the man, if you have prayed well and you are sure that the woman you have invested your desires in is the woman God has designed and prepared for your life’s journey, then feel free to propose marriage to her in a way and manner that you find convenient for you to communication the message and the leave the rest in the hands of God.
The person who does the proposing is not a matter that is of major importance as long as the will of God is carried out in your lives.    

Beauty Is Not Enough

Ruth 2:4-12
Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!”
“The Lord bless you!” they called back.
Boaz asked the foreman of his harvesters, “Whose young woman is that?”
The foreman replied, “She is the Moabitess who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, ‘Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.’ She went into the field and worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.”
So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”
At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, “Why have I found favour in your eyes that you notice me  - a foreigner?”
Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of her husband - how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”

Again I thank God for the grace to glean from His words and be richly blessed by the abundance of wisdom found in the truth of the word of God. By the grace of God this post will be a continuation of lessons from the book of Ruth and will benefit especially intending couple and those trusting God for the gift of a spouse. I am trusting God that those who carry out marriage counseling in organizations and churches will also find the content of this post useful for them. But in all, it is the word of God for us all to learn and be blessed from to the glory and praise of the living God.
When I did a series of posts on the book of Esther, one of the lessons that was shared was the importance of physical appearance and beauty in marriage. It was an interesting discovery that no matter in what little proportion, it is necessary that a woman pays attention to her looks and takes care of her physical appearance. Although it is also important to emphasize that the physical beauty is not a sustaining factor in marriage but a pleasant spice in the union. It must also be done within the context of moderation. In fact, it should be done in agreement with God. Esther we see in the book of Esther chapter 2, did not take any extra beauty treatment save of what was recommended for her (Esther 2:15), yet by the grace of the God of the Jews, she won the favour of everyone who saw her and won the favour and approval of the king. So in as much as beauty is a very nice spice in marriage, we need to work at it in agreement with God.
But what we are learning today is a bit different from the story of Esther, Ruth in her own case did not get noticed by Boaz on account of beauty but of deeds. So more important a factor than beauty in marriage is that word called CHARACTER. From the passage before us, we will notice first the testimony of the harvester's foreman concerning Ruth the Moabitess. He said she had worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter. This I believe is good enough a reason for any man to seek to want to know more about a woman. No man wants to marry a lazy wife, no man wants to be husband to a liability of a wife. When a wife is lazy, then how will she be able to fulfill her God given assignment of a help-meet (suitable help) in the life of her husband. Boaz saw the dedication with which Ruth was carrying on her duty, she was a face he had not seen before on his field and so he inquired about her, and the report he got was something interesting to him - she had worked steadily from morning till now was the report Boaz got of Ruth.
When Boaz eventually spoke to Ruth and she noticed his kindness, she asked him why he took notice of her, and the response she got from him is another lesson that we need to consider. He said “he had heard of all she has done for her mother-in-law,” but what I love about Boaz response was the issue of Ruth leaving her father and mother to take refuge under the wings of the God of Israel. As I have said in my last post, that was the distinguishing factor between Ruth and Orpah. Orpah just as Ruth took care of her mother-in-law while in Moab, but she returned to her gods while Ruth decided to take refuge under the wings of the God of Israel and was rewarded for it.
Beauty might attract a woman to a man’s heart, but it cannot sustain her there. Beauty, good as it may be, is irrelevant for a woman in fulfilling her God given assignment as a suitable help to her husband. Physical beauty is good, and for me as a person I really love to look good. In fact it’s one of the things I pray to God about. I always tell Him that He made and I will appreciate if He helps me retain my beauty, and when I hear people tell me I look younger than my age at 40, it gladdens my heart. Most especially when my husband remembers to tell me I look good, I smile within me and never forget to tell God how grateful I am for my looks. But my beauty is not what my marriage is built on, neither is it a sustaining factor for my marriage. If I look even more beautiful than this but lack good character, then my beauty amounts to nothing. A beautiful woman who lacks good character is a zero wife.
Ruth did not just work hard, she took care of her mother-in-law. One other thing we need to note is that Ruth showed respect when she spoke to Boaz. When she was going to speak to Boaz in Ruth 2:10, the Bible said she bowed with her face to the ground, which is a sign of respect in those days. All these are the tiny details that must have amounted to Boaz's attraction to Ruth. The testimony he heard about her, her attitude towards work and her respect for people are all tiny details that make a whole of impression about how much of a wife Ruth is capable of being.
So as you prepare to be a wife, I pray the Lord will build in you the virtues and qualities of a good wife that supersedes outward beauty. And as you prepare to take a wife, do not limit your decision to what you see in the looks of that lady, a blend of good looks and good character is most suitable for you. With the help of God take hold of the best.