The Lord That Keeps His Promises

1 Kings 8:15, 20a, 23 (NIV)
Then he said: "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who with his own hand has fulfilled what he promised with his own mouth to my father David."

The Lord has kept the promise he made: I have succeeded David my father and now I sit on the throne of Israel, just as the Lord promised.

"the Lord, the God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on the earth below - you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.

In my last post I mentioned that the bulk of my posts this year will focus on the issues of home building which includes working towards and enjoying a successful marriage based on God's rules for marriage and raising godly offspring. But I will seek permission for just a little diversion from the main focus, and so today I will do a short write-up on trusting God to fulfill that which He has promised us.
There are so many words from different men-of-God concerning the year 2015 that is just beginning. The Lord has spoken through the mouth of quite a handful of pastors and through them told us what the year holds in store. But most importantly is the fact that right in the Bible we find so many promises of God and what the Lord has in store for those who follow after His ways and obey His commands.
But the confidence that I have and want to share with someone reading this post today is that God is faithful to that which He has promised. Solomon said this repeatedly as he dedicated the temple he built for the Lord that God has fulfilled with His own hands that which He promised with His mouth.
I will remain encouraged in this truth and want to share the same encouragement with as many as the Lord will help me reach out to, that without your help, contribution or support, God will fulfill in your life, situation, finances, marriage, children, health and every area of your life with His own hands that which His mouth has promised. He will not speak forth that which He does not intend to bring to pass in your life.
But Solomon put a clause to what he affirmed to, he said, "God is the God who keeps His covenant of love with His servants who continue wholeheartedly to keep His ways." So God's faithfulness knows no limit in the lives of those who wholeheartedly follow His ways.
So as we continue into the year and await the manifestation of God's promises in our lives, we need to wholeheartedly continue in His ways. Solomon had experienced God's faithful and he affirmed to that which he experienced and enjoyed. David said in Psalm 37:25 that "he was young and later old, yet he had never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread," so David also affirmed to the God who keeps promises and rewards righteousness.
So with these being the characteristics of our God, this year let us dig deep into our faith and hold on to God for a wonderful year ahead as we set our minds with the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit to live a righteous life deserving of God promises and faithfulness.

Please feel free to take a tour of my website www.thewordthatsuits.com, it promises to be a very exciting visit.

As we begin this new year and strife to trust God for a peaceful year in our homes, marriages and in the lives of our children, I will encourage you to get my book Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement. It is a book like non-else as it highlights the mind of God regarding various marital issues you might be going through. You will also find in it real life stories of challenges of marriage and how you can scale through them. This book helped me, and I am positive it will help you too. Available on the under-listed platforms. You can also review the book and please leave a comment.

https://www.createspace.com/4309313

http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement

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A New Year With Change In Mind

It's a beautiful thing to be given grace to witness another year. So as this is my first blog post this year 2015, I want to wish all my readers a very happy new year. And I pray this will be a prosperous year for us all in the name of Jesus.
I am particularly grateful to God for the year 2014, and I must say that it was a year that God showed Himself mighty in the affairs of my life. I am positive that many of those who have totally put their trust in God will share the same declaration that indeed the Lord has been good to us in the past year. And much more will He do for us this year if only we invest our total trust in Him and His ability to deliver us from all of our troubles.
I am yet to come up with a topic for today's post, but I trust that has the Lord presents His word through me, He will give a topic before I am done writing this piece.
Just exactly a week ago, I heard on the news that there was a shot-out at a magazine publication firm in Paris and about 12people where killed. This story made headlines for about three on all news platform and until the perpetrators of the gruesome act where apprehended and killed, we didn't hear much of anything else on all the news channels.
Interestingly, for a reason I can't explain, I found myself following up on the development. Quite a handful of analyst where on air to lend a voice to what was then happening in France, and one comment that caught my attention was a man who gave the "lack of parental attention" as one of the reasons why there are quite a handful of young men in the western countries enrolling as Jihadist fighters. And this just re-enforces the end result of the decay in moral values and the after effect on the larger society of the various unfixed defects in the home.
The defects in the home can take so many forms and shapes, but whether we are aware of it or not, this defects affects the larger society in one form or the other. There is a ripple effect of your actions or in-actions on the society either positively or negatively, the effect coming in direct proportion of your action.
A dysfunctional home is not likely to produce positive output, and so the children from such home are likely to be of less that desirable behaviour. My pastor ones told me to keep watch over a trend in my home, he said I should watch what starts to happen to my children when a have prolonged fight with my husband. When he called my attention to it, I initially thought he was taking things a little too far. But to my shock, I realised then that when I have prolonged fight with my husband, at least one of my children will fall sick. And then it occurred to me that whatever happens between me and my husband had an effect on my children. It was mind blowing, but that, I have come to realise to be true.
If for reason of irreconcilable differences between a man and his wife they produce children with less than acceptable behaviour into the society, then such a society is endangered by the product emanating from this one dysfunctional home. So we can then begin to imagine when we do not have just one dysfunctional home, but several of them.
As we begin this new year, I believe it is time to look inward for the solution to the many problems of our society that we so dearly seek God for an intervention in. There is a song of the late Michael Jackson that I would love make a reference to in this write-up. Michael says in his song that if you want to a better world then first take a look in the mirror and let the change begin with the man you see in the mirror.
True, your marriage in your own words or perception is plagued with irreconcilable differences, but have you given a thought to the broader effect of that so called irreconcilable difference? What are the measures you have taken to reconcile the difference between you and your spouse before concluding that it is irreconcilable?

Matthew 19:7-8
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

From what we understand Jesus to be saying in the passage above, that irreconcilable difference is the hardness of the heart of man. There is no problem in any area of our lives that God cannot help us overcome if we truly invite Him into the situation.
As we begin a new year and start to make plans for the year, one important plan that is required of us is to make our own positive contribution to the society we live in. This contribution does not have to come in a large size. As little as making ourselves better people is enough contribution to our society. As little as making efforts in making our marriages work as God has planned it to, is enough contribution to our society. As little as raising our children in the way of the Lord and impressing in them good moral values and norms are big contributions to the society that takes the shape of little. As little as making our homes a haven for our spouse and children are little contributions with big effects to the society.
I am a stay home mum and wife, by the grace of God I put serious efforts in running my home and making sure my home is filled with love and peace. The effect of what God is doing through me is that my husband is able to give his best in his work place as he has little or no distraction from the home front and my husband is always quick to thank me for what I am doing in the home. (This is coming just as an example of little contribution with positive effect on the society).
With the help of the Holy-Spirit, I will again concentrate the write-ups coming from this blog for this year 2015 on issues of the home. Every area and aspect of building and enjoying effective and functional home will be looked into. Starting from the marriage, the man and his wife and everything that revolves around the marriage will be discussed. Also the issue of raising godly children, dealing with finances in the homes will be looked into. Topics that have already been discussed and probably exist in the blog archives will also be re-visited and I pray that it will be a year of learning for us all and a year of making and sustaining positive changes in our lives, homes and the society.

If you have any question or issue you want discussed please send me a mail on info@thewordthatsuits.com or derin@thewordthatsuits.com. I will be looking forward to hearing from you.

 You probably have read a book or two on marriage, but I assure you there is still one more you need to get and read, and keep reading and continue to make reference to as you trust God for a positive change in your marriage. I had also thought there were irreconcilable differences in my marriage, and then the Lord showed me that I was wrong. My marriage was one characterized by so many negatives that I had concluded that sticking it out was no use. But today, God turned it all around for me. Same husband, same marriage, better results, so much love and affection, peace all around me and four lovely children to crown my life. Come and learn what God Himself thought me in the book "Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement." 

https://www.createspace.com/4309313

http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement

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Cultivating Joy In A Season Of Thanksgiving

Last week Sunday was thanksgiving Sunday in my church, it was one of the Sundays when dancing and praise giving to the living God dominates the church service for the day with just very little preaching which is also centered around the topic of thanksgiving. And for me personally I always dedicate my entire December month to praising God. So my prayer times in Decembers are always dominated by personal worship and praises. I try hard to make very little request during my prayers and just praise God for all He has helped me and my family through in the course of the year.
On the last day of the month of November I was reminded in my spirit that beginning from the next day I am not allowed to skip prayer times and not to forget it was my month of thanksgiving. But I am sure you'll wonder why I needed to be reminded again in my spirit when I should actually be in the full thanksgiving spirit even in the month of November. Well, in truth, I am going through some financial challenges in recent times and that has caused a heaviness in my spirit. There are some projects staring me in the face that I am trusting God for financial breakthroughs for in order to accomplish these goals. Debts to be paid and bills to settle, commitments to meet up with, goals set waiting to be accomplished. So these are reasons why my heart is heavy and my spirit a little low.
But with all these said, it's still my month of thanksgiving and I will be rubbing myself of great joy if this sting of heaviness is allowed to linger for a moment longer. So I began to make efforts with my night vigils and worship hours, it seemed a struggle to thank God with so much needs and deadlines staring me in the face. But the secret to my breakthrough is hidden in my ability to look beyond the needs of my life and my deadlines and praise God and give him the worship that is due to Him.
One honest truth is that God has been faithfully good to me. He has restored my marriage, restored my dignity, removed shame and reproach from my life and has provided for most of the things I have asked of Him. But then just at this time, things are not going for me the way I expect and want them to go and it has become very easy for me to forget all that God had done in my life in the recent past.
But I bless the living God that even though things are not looking too good at the moment, yet the Lord has been very good to me. As I made frantic effort to praise God in my season of thanksgiving, I was reminded of how the Lord delivered me of another baby boy in the month of April, how He provided for the minor renovation I needed done in my apartment, how He provided for me and my husband in meeting the various needs of our children, how He has prevented me and my family from any form of infirmity even when my country went through and escaped the treat of Ebola, how I and my family are preserved from terrorist treat that is facing some part of my country. That I and my family are able to sleep and wake up in safety and not to forget my husband's promotion that came for him in his office. And I can just go on about the faithfulness of God that is so easily forgotten in the face of the prevailing challenges of my present moment.
So I began to remind myself of these wonderful things God has done in my life and thank Him, worshiping Him for His awesomeness, His unconditional love for me despite the fact that at the moment things are not looking so good. The truth is that they were once looking good and will yet look good again if I can just exercise a little faith.
About a month ago I met an old school mate that I had not seen in about 23years. I needed a favour from her and she readily assisted me, so we rekindled our friendship. One day she called to ask me how I was doing and I had loads to say about having to be a wife and mother of four all at once. She had a good job, or so I think and I feel she has no worries in life. She is single with no children, so for me no cares to worry about. But in the middle of our conversion, she told me she would give anything to be in my shoes. She longs to have a family of her own, a good husband and promising children. Yet what my friend is longing for is what I have and still take for granted.
The beautiful thing I am discovering is that as I begin to look beyond my challenges and give thanks to God in spite of them, God is taking care of my issues gradually. Those things that have been burdening my heart are been handled by God with no effort at all from me.
I know there are one or two out there who feel they have nothing to be thankful for, but when you look intently around you, there are a lot of people who are trusting God to have what you have and are taking for granted. If are enjoying good health and you feel God is unfair to you because you are still not married, then think about millions of people bedridden fighting for their lives and using their hard earned money to pay their way to good health. If you have something to eat and you feel God is not fair to you because what you had for dinner is not what you long for, then take a break and consider those who have to go to bed hungry. Some communities are hoping that one day the war that has taken over their community will end, yet you sleep in safety and take that for granted.
When you cultivate the habit of thanking God for the blessing you have received, you position yourself for greater blessings. God didn't promise us a life without challenges, but Paul said in Philippians 4:6 that "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayers and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God." One secret of an effective prayer is when it is done with thanksgiving. When you remember to show gratitude for the blessings you have enjoyed from God, asking Him for greater things will not be an issue at all.
Joy is a fruit that is cultivated from an attitude of continuous thanksgiving. It is a virtue that produces peace in ones soul even when life's challenges rear their ugly head. When you learn to give thanks in troubled times, you acknowledge the ability, might and power of God in overcoming that challenge. And this acknowledgement strengthens your faith in God which in turn moves Him to act swiftly on your behalf. That is what I have learnt, and I am beginning to practice as I experience God moving in my situation.


Disputes in marriages are inevitable, but when they are not handled properly and taken care of early enough, they degenerate into very serious issues in marriage. I have heard of minor disputes leading to very serious violence in marriages. In some cases it has led to spouses killing each other. Is that little argument worth dying for? Is your husband a violent man or your wife a quarrelsome wife? Learn how to handle dispute in your marriage and enjoy the lasting peace of God in your home from my book "Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement." Available on createspace.com via this link https://www.createspace.com/4309313 or on amazon.com via this link http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement

Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement

Hello beautiful people of God, I really do apologize for the time-out in sharing blog articles. Didn't realize that having to write a book really takes so much energy and time, I have written about 6 books but editing and making them read-friendly is a load of work. But I bless God for His grace. I have been busy working on the book "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement". In my blog today I will be discussing about this book.
Much of the content of my blog articles have been on various topics relating to marriage. My focus on marriage is based on the conviction that if we are able to give God the free play in our marriages and homes obeying His commands and instructions for a successful marriage, then we are directly giving Him the free play in our society at large. A decay in the home front will invariably translate to a decay in the larger society in just a matter of time.
A man who is at peace in his home is more effective in his work than a man living in a chaotic home. So it's just a matter of time for the ripple effects of what is taking place in our various homes to be felt in the larger community. So with the inspiration from the Holy Spirit and in the spirit of been a tool in the hands of God, I share of my experience and how God has helped me through a challenging marriage to encourage others who might be going through a challenging marital issue.
There are a lot books on shelves in book stores, both online and in stores that deals with marriage, but the book "Marriage: God's Rule Of Engagement" addresses the various challenges of marriage not just from the practical perspective, but from real life experiences. You are reading a book written by one who has been through a similar experience as you are going through and has been able to overcome the challenge and thus sharing with you the possibility that you can actually overcome that marital challenge that you have. This is not a book on the theory of how marriage works, but how it is possible to use the active word of God to overcome the marital challenge you have and help you build a peaceful and beautiful home that God has assigned you to build.
Marriage, like I always say, is not to be endured but enjoyed and the secret to that truth is what I guarantee you'll find in this book. When I was going through my various marital challenges, I felt God was unfair to me. My world felt collapsed around me and all that was coming to my head was to get a divorce and a better life either alone or with another man, until I was able to run to God for help. The lessons I learnt in the process that has brought about a beautiful turn around in my marriage are the truths that I share in this book. No divorce, no separation, the same husband and man, yet better result and a beautiful home to show for it.
Some major highlight topics in this book include: 1) True life stories of challenges faced in marriage and practicable ways of handling them with backup scriptures from the Bible, 2)The making of a life partner, 3) Handling external interference in marriage, 4) polygamy, 5) The purpose of love in marriage, 6) The rules for the man and wife in marriage, 7) Arranged marriage and it's effects, 8) Handling disputes in marriage and so much more. I guarantee this is a power packed book that has blessed me beyond measure. It is a must have for all couples and intending couples.
A few people who have read this book have testified to it's impact in their lives. This is a book I would love to offer for free as a token from me, but because there are bills to pay, the need to place a price on it is inevitable. The book is available on createspace.com via this link: https://www.createspace.com/4309313, or on amazon.com via this link: http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement. For every print copy purchased, you get a kindle copy for free.
Please don't keep this news to yourself, tell a friend to tell a friend about this book. It will be a good act in helping a friend overcome a troubled marriage. 

The Joy Of A Housewife

Going through my  blogger dashboard, I realized that it's been over five weeks since I last shared a post on my blog, and I sincerely apologize for the unintended break. But even during the break, I am still actively working for God. And I bless God for the lives of all those who take out time to read my post.
My post today will be on the joy of being a housewife. A couple of days ago I went for the Parents-Teachers Association meeting in my daughter's school. It was the first of such meeting I was attending because she is new in the school. While at the meeting the parents were asked to introduce themselves for recognition, as there was scheduled to be an election for the new PTA executives. So when it was my turn to introduce myself I gave my name, and my occupation as HOUSEWIFE. Those were the information we were asked to give.
When I introduced myself as a housewife, everyone in the hall cheered. There was clapping of hands by almost everyone in the hall. The side talk being, "what a boldness to introduce oneself as a housewife." I could have introduced myself as a businesswoman, because I get to do some petty trading when the opportunity presents itself. I could have introduced myself as an Indie Author, cause I have about six books I am working on at the moment. Trying to edit them and make sure they are friendly to read. I could have introduced myself as someone who blogs, that's what I am doing at the moment and people make loads of money blogging, although I am not yet doing that.
But I chose to introduce myself as a housewife, because that's why I reap a large chunk of my satisfaction from. Being a mother and a wife is my first assignment from God and it's what gives me the most joy. Unlike what quite a number of people believe, it is the most tedious of all task a woman can ever be faced with, if she has to deliver very good products that the larger community will benefit from. If you want to have a home that gives your husband joy and the willingness to always return to after each day of work, then you will have your hands very busy from the very early hours of the day, till late night.
So that you'll appreciate what I am trying to put across, let me give you a rundown of my typical day. My alarm wakes me up by 5a.m, I then say my prayers and wake my daughter up to prepare for school. Her school bus picks her up by 6a.m, and by then I would have ensured that she is ready for school and has taken a slit breakfast. Once she leaves, I do a little chores, like clean left over dishes, air the cloths that has been washed in the washing machine over the night and then wake my other two boys up to prepare them for school. I'll drive them to school by 7.45a.m and by then I would have ensured that my husband has all that he needs to get ready for work which includes his morning tea.
When I return from taking my two boys to school, it's time to take care of my 7months old baby. I'll feed him, give him a bath, when dressed, he is ready for another round of morning sleep. I get done with this by about 10a.m, and to my relieve, my house keeper resumes work. You'll probably think that with the presence of a housekeeper I'll rest, but not so fast. That is the time to power on my computer and either write a blog or edit a book. In between, I am on the phone solving extended family issues and running errands for my husband as I double as his personal assistant. My mother calls or she wants me to do something for her urgently. The demand never ends. I run this course till about 3p.m and then it's time to pick the children from school. Once that is done everything else slows down cause my attention is required by all four children almost at the same time. We run through their school's homework, make sure they take lunch and I then have settle pockets of fight between them. If I am lucky, I get about an hour of sleep in between. Then it's time to make dinner. Dinner cooked, and it's time for the daily Bible study. I ensure they take their night bath and its time for bed. Before now my husband would have been back from work so I'll need to be available to hear the rundown of how his day went at work. So by the time we are through with our discussion and I have taken care of all four children including my 7months old baby, it's about 10p.m. I try make out another hour or two for my blog and books and so I get to sleep at about 12midnight. 5days out of the 7days of the week this is how my time is spent.
I am so sorry to bore you with the breakdown of my typical day activities, but in truth, this explains why I cannot feel ashamed to tell the world that I am a housewife. It is my duty to ensure that my children are up and well. To know about any happening in their lives and ensure that they grow well by the grace of God. It is my duty to know about a cut on their skin and treat it, observing it till it heals, to make sure their flu is treated and they see the doctor when the need arise. My duty still to ensure that they grow with the right values and Christ is impressed in their lives. My duty still to be a wife to my husband, a shoulder to lean on for him, a listening hear to his complains, share his joys and pains with him, share his worries with him. My duty to pray and fast for him and my children.
It is my duty to ensure that there is ample supply of what we need in the house: food, drinks, cereal, milk, beverages, toiletries etc. Then I am to know that all the pipes are working well and that a broken pimp is fixed. Not necessarily by me, but I need to be sure that every aspect of my home is running well.
One beautiful thing about my job as a housewife is that I am never on vacation. My children take breaks from school, my husband takes leave from work to rest, but I am never on leave, neither am I on holiday even though my work can be stressful and demanding.
But there is a big joy in what I do. The satisfaction that I can watch my children grow well under my care and that I am striving towards giving the society quality citizens that will impact the lives of others positively is a joy to me. That I can share my wisdom with my husband and share in his wisdom such that it is impacting on his work life positively is big joy to me. And will there be a reward for the big task that I engage in? Yes there will be. The Lord who sees what I do in secret will surely reward me in the open.
My husband often passes a comment, he says "Derin, a lot of people see you glow and say your husband is taking care of you. If only they know that you take care of me the more, cause I am who I am today because of the strength with which you support me." This is my joy for being a housewife. This is what keeps me going, it is what makes me want to do more than I am doing at the moment.
The Proverbs 31:10-31 wife is not a joke at all, it is not for lazy hands. But the Lord has truly built the wife of noble character to be all that. When you learn to draw strength from God, you will surely put that strength to work in your life and home and you will in no time be called by the name "a wife of noble character." Then you will not be ashamed to tell the world that you are a housewife with your head held up high.    
In closing I wish to go on a holiday too. Trusting God for that, and yes I was made an executive member of the Parents-Teacher Association in my children's school just as I am a housewife with joy.

A Polygamous Life

My blog today is based on the story of a man with two wives. In the part of the world where I come from polygamy is no strange phenomenon, it's just part of the culture that a man can marry more than one wife at any given time. But the state of the home that such a marriage will produce leaves much to be desired.
So, this man from Nigeria is married to two wives and it has been so for well over 30years. But when he sits and recounts the events of his life, the greatest regret he says he has is entering into the polygamous life style.
As it is impossible to love both women equally and also impossible to love both women as himself unconditionally as the Lord has commanded the husband to do, his home is hanging imbalanced. Naturally he feels a little more affection for the second wife above the first, yet the first wife tends to hold him in high esteem and treat him with more respect and love more than the second wife.
In the Nigerian culture, with the older generation, there is rarely the case of divorce. We find divorce been heard of more with the younger generations but not with the older ones who have been married for upward of 30-40years. So this man is not thinking of divorcing any of his wives, he is unable to bring the two women together as one entity, and so his marital life is in a way, a big mess.
However, one thing I discovered in this marriage situation is that God has favoured the first wife above the second. Her own children are doing better in life as adults than the children of the second wife. The success rate of the children of the first wife is higher than that of the second wife. And who is it that does not want to be identified with success? So this man in question wants to be known as the father of the children of the first wife more than the children of the second wife, yet he loves his second wife more than his first.
In all of this I see God's unsearchable wisdom, He has decided to be fair to the unloved wife and then bless her with successful children who will love and care for her in old age. But I always ask myself this question, is the pleasure of having two wives worth the trouble of having to cope with the strife, malice, jealousy, and even hatred associated with polygamy?
From the days of the Bible, going by the examples of polygamy found in the Bible to this present generation, it is common knowledge that polygamy is usually characterized by things like malice, strife, jealousy and hatred. It will take the grace of God for a polygamous home to enjoy as much peace, love and harmony as that of a home built on one man and one wife marriage.
In as much as God has not spoken against polygamy directly, and a polygamous man is still opened to receiving grace and favour from God such as one received by Jacob and David, yet Paul says a polygamous man is not allowed to hold a position of leadership among the congregation of the men of God.

1 Timothy 3:1-4
Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

It is important to know and appreciate that one quality the Lord looks at as He picks a shepherd over His people is that such a shepherd is not married to more than one wife. Such a leader is suppose to be one that leads by good example even as it entails the issue of marriage and the home. This is so because a leader is unable to lead effective in an atmosphere of hatred, malice, chaos which are major attributes of polygamy.
When God observed that it was not good for a man to be alone, from the ribs of the man, He formed a wife for him. It was okay by God's design that a man can afford a missing rib out of which a wife was made for him. But there will be an imbalance in the bone structure of the man if God had to take more than one rib, thus taking two or more ribs to form wives.
If only the men can understand and appreciate that they carry more weight than they are designed by God to carry when they marry more than one wife. Based on God's plan for the man, there is room for just one wife as it is just one rib missing in him. If for any reason more than one rib was extracted by God from the man, there will be a bigger vacuum in the man's life where more than one wife will be required to fill. But God who created man and who knows what lies ahead for the man He created has made room in his life to accommodate just one wife and the only wife needed to make the man complete and fulfilled.
My little word for the man is this, just as it is important for the woman to seek and obtain the approval and leading of God before accepting a marriage proposal, so is it important for the man to seek the face of God and allow the Lord lead them to the woman He has made for them. When you let God make and present a wife to you just as He did for Adam and also for Isaac, the need to take a second wife will not arise, because the Lord will present to you the exact match of you in your wife noting that the God who created her made her from the rib He took out of your body.
When we consider the polygamous stories of the Bible we will notice that those who went into the polygamous style of marriage where those who did not seek God before picking a wife for themselves. There is no marriage crisis that is beyond the reach of God to solve when we are wise enough to hand over the situation to him. But when because of the lust of the flesh a man decides to take a second wife for himself, he is tending towards over-stuffing the vacuum in his life that most probably will lead to more chaos than he originally bargained for.
In order to avoid polygamy that culminate in marital crisis, its important that a man seeks the face of God before making a marriage covenant with any woman. As for you woman I will advise this, a man who has a wife in his life and home is not God's best for you to marry. There is a man from whose ribs God formed you. Seek God's face for that one man and marry him. May the Lord help us.

Sex and Marriage

I shared a post on this topic sometimes last year and to date, it remains my post with the highest page views. In truth, there is the need to speak and speak again on the issue of sex and marriage. And just like I wrote in my last post, if there is adequate knowledge on the issue of sex and marriage, a lot of marriage issues will be solved.
Sex and communication in marriage go hand in hand, and just like someone quoted, we can't expect a beautiful sex life in a marriage that is lacking in love and good communication. In fact, for some couples, sex is a way of showing love and appreciation for each other. So it is just common knowledge to say that sex and love go hand in hand.

1 Corinthian 7:2-5 (NIV)

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

From the passage above we are able to understand the mind of God with regards to the issue of sex in marriage. There is another view on the topic of sex in marriage been highlighted in this passage. Paul is regarding sex between couples as a duty they both have to fulfill towards each other. Although it is an act closely related to the love a man and his wife feel for each other, yet it is a duty that they have to fulfill towards each other in marriage. 

What this tells me and I will like to share is that even when for any reason you are angry with your spouse and/or you fall out of love with your spouse, you still owe him/her the duty of sex. And for no reason is a man allowed to deprive his wife access to his body and likewise, the wife is not allowed to deprive her husband her body as the Bible says the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to the husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to the wife. 

One interesting thing I have found to be true is that even when couples are having misunderstandings or any form of quarrel and yet do not deprive themselves of sex, it's the easiest way to make up and end the quarrel without having to go through the stress of settling matters verbally. And when I realized this, I acknowledge how deep the wisdom of God is when through Paul the Lord said the husband and his wife should not deprive each other of sex.

Looking at it critically, it's almost impossible for the husband and his wife to carry on with their fight much longer after they have shared each other's bodies. So we can rightly conclude that sex is also a means of restoring love in a marriage.
There are quite a number of functions sex play in marriage, it keeps warm, it produces a sense of love and togetherness in marriage and it yields a fruit that outlives the couples in the children they birth forth. But there are some issues that cannot be overlooked as I summon the courage to share this post on sex in marriage. The issue is this: Is it possible to have a functional sex life with your spouse after you have discovered he/she cheated on you?
Once I was talking to a lady about life's experiences and how it is so very possible to reconcile and move on with marriage after an episode of someone discovering that he/her spouse has cheated on them. The first thing she said was, "If I ever find out that my husband is cheating on me I don't think that marriage can continue because even if I forgive him, I can't give my body to him again." I totally agreed with her, because other than the sense of betrayal one feels, there is also irritation that can follow at the mere thought of knowing that your husband or wife has offered his/her bare body to someone else.
But this is where the grace of God comes in, this is where having a mind of Christ comes in. Mere love does not solve a problem such as this, it takes a mind that has been rejuvenated by Christ Jesus not just to forgive a cheating spouse, but also to be able to continue to carry on with the obedience to the word of God, noting that God said the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, He did not give an exception to the rule. So in fulfilling God's purpose for your marriage, you need to bear in mind that whether your husband cheated on you or not still your body belongs to him and God says do not deprive him of that body. And the same goes for the husband, whether your wife cheated on you or not, your body belongs to her and you should not deprive her of what belongs to her. After all, Christ gave himself for us all body, soul, and spirit while we were yet sinners.
Now to know if this is actually possible in reality because many will think it easy to write this than actually practice it. Well by the grace of God I am a witness to what I write. It was not easy but I am here, past my troubled years in marriage and now a happily married woman. I didn't have to change husbands, but I let God work in my husband to bring the desired change in his life and mine.
By this post I do not encourage cheating in marriage, it breeds betrayal and a lack of trust that is so very hard to store, but by the grace of God what I aim to achieve, is help a marriage restore love and the need to rejuvenate the sex function back into the marriage after the discovery of a cheating spouse. 

Proverbs 5:18-20

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 

A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. 

Why, my son, be captivated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

It truth there is no perfect marriage and no perfect couple, but you can work towards perfection and enjoy all that God has in store for you in marriage and learn each day more about making your marriage a success and strife continuously to make every moment of your marriage life a beautiful one. No stranger can work your marriage out for you. It's your marriage and so the effort will have to come from you. May God help us as we follow after Him.