Learn A Thing Or Two About Fights In Marriages

 The rules for the man and wife in marriage as earlier discussed in my two previous posts are the foundational rules for any and every successful marriage. The Lord God Almighty who originated marriage at the beginning of time has set these rules as the foundational basis on which a successful marriage is built. So for anyone desiring a divinely successful marriage, the secret to that is abiding by these God given rules and when you do so prayerfully, then a beautiful marriage is yours for keeps.
Abiding by these rules does not totally eliminate pockets of challenges in marriage, but how you deal with these challenges will tell a lot on how much they will be able to affect the peaceful marriage you are trying to build. There are going to be disputes at intervals, there are going to financial issues at intervals, there are going to be trust issues at intervals and many more issues, and so it's important to learn the effective and appropriate way to deal with these pocket of issues as they surface in marriage.
One of the comments I got in one of my previous post asked a question on what a woman should do when she is being physically abused in a marriage. So this post will discuss a little on how to handle disputes and disagreements in marriages.

Proverbs 21:9, 19
9Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

19Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Proverbs 19:13
13A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.

Proverbs 20:3
3It is to a man's honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
 
Proverbs 17:19a
19He who loves quarrel loves sin.

Proverbs 17:14
14Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Malachi 2:16
I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment, says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.


Above are some of the Bible passages where I can find God speak on the issue of dispute, disagreements or quarrels in marriage and other areas of our lives. And in strong terms the Lord condemns any form of violence in marriage. But whether or not the Lord condemns disputes in marriage does not mean that disputes will not raise it's ugly head in our marriages, and so how we put this issue in check is what I will trust God to help us discover in the course of this post.
In 2 Timothy 1:7 Paul confirmed to Timothy that "God did not give us a spirit of timidity(fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline(self-control)." So in as much as you are not suppose to be fearful of any situation, you are also expected to have self-discipline and be able to keep your emotions in check. This is what the Lord expects of us His children, and failure to meet up with His expectation amount to a sin of rebellion, because the Lord will not demand from us what He knows we are not capable of.
With these foundation laid, I will want to address the wives first. Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." The wife we have said is the heartbeat of the home, a successful marriage is built on the foundation laid by the wife and so Solomon says a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. A quarrelsome wife who is unable to put her temper in check cannot build a successful home. Solomon has likened such a woman to a constant dripping in the life of her husband. 
One truth I have discovered about some women is that they always want to be heard, they want their opinions to count irrespective of the circumstance surrounding such opinion, some other ones are out-rightly domineering. But from what I am discovering in the Bible and I hope you are learning too is that only fools will always want to air their opinions irrespective of the circumstance on ground. Proverbs 18:2 says "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinion." A wise woman and even man will learn to keep their opinions to themselves if such an opinion will degenerate into a quarrel, for a better and more appropriate time to speak and they will do so prayerfully.
Proverbs 17:9 says "He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." Another possible and recommended way to handle issues that are potential dispute starter in the home is to forgive and bury grievances without even discussing them. Just as it is possible to assume on the negative for an action gone wrong, so also is it possible to assume on the positive for an action gone wrong. It is possible to build within you an excuse for that wrong action, forgive the action and move on without a fight or keeping record of such. Doing this the Bible says promotes love. Covering the offence and letting it pass does not make you a weakling, it only shows that you are a true child of God. If you feel so heavy about the matter, please pray about it rather than make an issue out of it.
In as much as I am a woman, I have discovered that a handful (although not all cases) of abuse in marriages originates from either a quarrelsome wife, a wife with good character deficiency or a wife who regardless of the mood of her husband wants to air views on sensitive issues capable of degenerating into an argument or fight maybe because she is hurting and unable to control her emotions or she just does not care. Although this might not go well with some people but as a wife aiming to be all that God has ordained her to be, she needs to pray and seek God for a selfless attitude whereby she is able to sacrifice herself wholly, and her emotions totally in order to promote the peace of her home and fulfill her God given assignment. In order to be a wise woman, there is the need to train oneself in the virtue of self-control. The woman is the heart of the home, she is the one assigned to build the home and in order to do these effectively she needs  to be wise, tolerant, self-controlled and selfless in nature. The fruits of these seeds when sown prayerfully is a peaceful and prosperous home and marriage.
In Malachi 2:16 God gave a stern warning to the man against violence in marriage. I have observed that nothing destroys a man's life while still living than his inability to control himself from hitting his wife. And when he does it once, the devil will always push him to do it again thereby draining out the favour of God from the life of such a man.
Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord." Men who beat up their wives seldom prosper. This is so because they are beating up the favour of God for their lives. A man who beats his wife, unknowing to him, beats off his prosperity, his wealth, his blessings, his good health and everything in his life that requires the favour of God because that which hold God's favour in his life is beaten off and treated with disdain. The consequences of a violent man is far costlier than the temporary satisfaction derived from the brief insanity of his actions. No wonder God has warned the men over and over again to treat their wives with love and care. No amount of sacrifice can spare a violent husband from the wrath of God. Malachi 2:13-14 says "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offering or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as a witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." 
Just before I conclude on this, I will want to awaken the wife to one aspect of her assignment in the life of her husband. The Lord has created the wife and placed her in the life of her husband as a help in fulfilling her husband's destiny. As a wife to a violent man, you are still the help that the Lord will use in bringing about the desired change in the life of that man. Remember what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2. Try as much as possible not to provoke the violence in your husband, always stay out of his way when he is angry and pray tireless for the calm and the peace of God on his life. The Lord created that husband of yours and He alone can bring about the desired change in his life that you seek. As a wise home builder, never allow a talk lead to an argument, but if it does, never let it lead to a fight. You should know when to put your emotions in check and bury the talk before it gets out of hand.  
Please note that: "Reacting negatively to a wrong done against you does not make you better than the one who wronged." Jesus in His wisdom said "be angry but do not sin." Do not let your anger lead you to sin.
In my next post I will be trusting the Lord for His divine revelation as I write on the importance of unity in the home. 
 

God's Rules For The Man In Marriage.

I ended yesterday's post with a promise to discuss the rules for the man in marriage. For the fact that the man is the head of the home it should be expected that he carries a bigger responsibility in the home. He is the head of the home, and within the head resides the brain and biologically all the nerves in the body are connected to the brain. For the hands to move, and the mouth to talk, and the eyes to blink, there are communications and connections with the brain. All the emotions felt by the body originates in the brain and so when the man is refereed to as the head then he carries a lot of weight on himself. He is automatically responsible for the whole body.

Ephesians 5:22-31
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  

1 Peter 3:1-4, 7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight. 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Bearing in mind the fact that the man is the head of the home as ordained by God, the next thing is to know what God's rules are to the man in marriage, the husband to the wife. From the passage above, God has asked the husbands to LOVE their wives as Christ loved the church. There are many ways a man can love a woman, but when it comes to the love of a man to his wife, his life should be in the pattern in which Christ loved the church.
So the next thing to know is "How does Christ love the church?" If a man is able to understand the love between Christ and the church, it will not be difficult to know and understand what God requires of him to his wife. From my understanding of this love, it is such a deep love that it took Christ dying for. He loved the church to the point of offering Himself up as an atonement sacrifice for the sins of the church. He didn't just die for the church, He is the advocate of the church before God. He is pleading the case of the church till date before God. The is the pacesetter for the church, teaching her the acceptable way of living through His own life and washing her continually with the word, cleansing her and making her blemish free not for any other lover, but for Himself.
Christ as a lover of the church is a shield of protection over the church. He is the provider for the needs and wants of the church. For as long as the church prays and cries to Him, He is there to meet their needs. He is the comforter of the church, and He delivers her from all her troubles. And I can go on and on about the love of Christ for the church. It is a deep love in which the depth reaches deep into the earth and the length extends to the heaven. And this is the kind of love the Lord has asked the man to give to his wife. The deep sacrificial unconditional love, just as Christ loves the church.
It is interesting to seek God and know why He demands that a man loves his wife with a deep sacrificial and unconditional love in the pattern in which Christ loves the church. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord." From this passage, it will not be wrong to say that your wife whom the Lord has given to the man (Proverbs 19:14b but a prudent wife is from the Lord) is favour in human skin, she is favour personified. So if a man seeks favour and is looking up to God for favour and you look into the eyes of your prudent wife, she is the human container in which the Lord has packaged all the favour you are seeking for from Him. So it is not a mystery that God said through Paul and Peter that you should love your wife deeply. You need to love and appreciate God's favour in your life in the person of your wife.
Let's take a simple illustration to better understand what God is requiring of a man. Assuming a man has been given as assignment to do, and given a single multipurpose tool to carry out the gigantic task. This single all purpose tool is all the man requires to carry out effectively the various assignments and tasks that he may ever come across as he journeys through life. If on receiving this tool he does not handle it with care he stands the risk of failing in all the task that will be assigned to him. The tool is one of its kind, it cannot be bought with money and does not have a replica. And lastly, it is uniquely made just for the man needing it. It's totally useless to the man next door, so it cannot be borrowed. If this man wants to succeed in his life's task, then he needs to take special care of the tool of his accomplishment.
The tool in this illustration is the wife, and the man is the husband. All that a man needs to be a success in life has been packaged in his wife, she is the container carrying God's favour for the man and so it is so very important that a man seeking success in life needs to take very good care of his wife. And so Peter said in 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and heirs with you to the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."   Again Malachi 2:13-14 reads "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask why, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant."
Here are the words of God to the man who has not learnt to love deeply, sacrificially and unconditionally the wife whom the Lord has given him. Speaking in plan terms, neglecting your wife is just like throwing away God's favour for your life and so God has asked the husbands to love their wives and treat them with respect as one who carries the favour of God for their lives.
As a man, to love your wife is obeying God's command and it is not subject to whether your wife has earned your love or not. The church has done nothing to earn the love of Christ, yet He loves us anyway. You need not wait for your wife to submit to you before loving her like God has asked you to. Your unending love in submission to the command of God with plenty of prayers will eventually bring out God's deposit for you in the life of your wife.

 

God's Rules For The Wife In Marriage

If you agree with me that love is not a reason good enough to solely base a marriage decision on, but a divine consultation with God on the matter, then we can move on to know and discover God's rules for the man and the woman in marriage.
Some have said that human beings are irrational and as such there is no clear cut rules for marriage to work because what applies to Mr. A might not apply to Mr. B. In as much as it is true that human beings are irrational, the Lord who instituted marriage, instituted it with some basic rules that if applied to any marriage wholeheartedly they are bound to yield positive results. The Lord who created the man and the woman and brought them together as husband and wife has set some rules by which they are to live together, and adherence to these rules guarantees success in their marriage and home.

Ephesians 5:22-31
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  

1 Peter 3:1-4, 7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight. 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 

God's basic rules for the man and his wife in marriage can be found in these two passages. In discussing these rules, we will begin with the rules for the wives. It will be assumed that the instructions from God will be directed to the husbands first as they are the heads of the homes. But God decided to give his instruction from the mouth of Paul and Peter first to the wives.
God is addressing the wives first because they are the bedrock of the marriage. I once heard a quote that says "a man is the head of the home, but the wife is the heart of the home." Biologically speaking, if the head stops to function, the body cease to function properly, yet it is still alive. But if the hearts stops to beat, the body is immediately pronounced dead. When the hearts fails the entire body dies, including the head. So, this tells us that the woman plays a very important and significant rule in the life of her husband and her home as a whole. The lifeline of the marriage has been handed to the woman by God yet she is placed lower in the hierarchy of the home in submission to her husband.
Now the rule to the wife in marriage given to her by God the creator of marriage says "WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBANDS AS TO THE LORD." This instruction or rule is written in the same way in every passage where you find it rule in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1, Colossians 3:1). In order to better understand what God requires of us when He instructed the wives to submit to their husbands, here is the dictionary meaning of the word submit. To submit is "yield oneself to the power or authority of another." So what God has instructed the wives to do is to yield themselves to the authority of their husbands.
If we know well what God has instructed the wives to do as He gives the rule "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord," the next important thing to note is why will God instruct the wives to submit to their husbands when as a wife you feel you hold in your hands the key to the success of the marriage? Figuratively, you are the heartbeat of that marriage.

Genesis 2:18, 22
The Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

From these passages refering to the origin of marriage, the wife was created as a suitable helper to her husband, and so the Lord made her from the rib He had taken from the man, not to rule over the man or to be equal to the man, but to be a suitable helper for the man. And so if the wife is to be what God created her to be and perform her duties in life assigned to her by God effectively and efficiently, then first she needs to submit to her husband whom the Lord has created her to help. For a wife to help her husband she needs to yield herself to the power and authority of the man from whose ribs the Lord made her and for whose life's destiny she was made to help.
In years past I was in a turbulent marriage, several times I contemplated divorce. True, my husband didn't really abuse me physically, yet what I was going through in my marriage was far above physical abuse. I was very miserable in the marriage. I was a good Christian then, and so I felt since I had a relationship with God which was weightier than the relationship between my husband and God, I felt I was right and he was wrong. And in truth my husband was not caring at all. I prayed to God to get me out of the miserable marriage and yet I knew that getting a divorce or a separation will be a dent on my Christianity.
Then the Lord opened my understanding to the rule He issued to the wife in marriage. The Lord told me that as mean and cruel as my husband was then, I should go back and submit to him in all things. Before then I was submissive, I was not confrontational at all, but my submission was selective. But the Lord told me to submit in all things and leave everything else about the marriage for Him to solve. Today, I am overwhelmed at the transformation in my marriage. I am not just happy, but I am loved by my husband. So loved that I will say I am over-loved (although I am not complaining). I am treated with respect and dignity by a man who once saw me as a piece flesh that he has to cope with. And today my husband looks at me lovingly and thanks me for coping with his excesses back then and sticking by him when he neglected me and didn't appreciate me. It was tough doing what God asked me to do then, but I am happy I obeyed the rules of marriage and today I am enjoying the fruits of the seed I sowed in tears.
1 Peter 3:1 says "Wives, in the same way submit to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives." So if you have an unbelieving husband, that is not an excuse to undermine his authority. It is then the Lord requires you submit to him the more, because it is through your submission to your husband as to the Lord, when he sees the purity and reverence of your life that has been enveloped in Christ Jesus that he will be won over to Christ. You, through your actions and behaviour are the instrument that God desires to use in winning your husband to Himself. Thus you will be fulfilling your role and duty in the life of your husband as his suitable helper. 
There are so many other rules for the wife in marriage, and we will be discussing and applying them in other posts, but the rule of submission is the foundation laying rule of any successful marriage. When the wife is in submission to her husband as to the Lord, then she is laying the foundation for her peace of mind in that marriage. A wife has not been created as equal to her husband, but as a suitable helper to him.
NOTE: Being submissive to your husband without being prayerful is like one having the substance without power. You stand the risk of humiliation by your husband if he is an unbeliever. And when you are prayerful but lack that attribute called submission then you are no better than an hypocrite. The Christ in you is to be seen in your life of purity and reverence in submission to your husband rather than plenty prayer that are going nowhere. But when you desire a successful marriage, then you become a submissive prayerful wife. You combine your character qualities with the power of God in prayer and a beautiful marriage is yours for the keeps.
In my next post, we will consider God's rules for the husbands in marriage. It is an eye opener, so please wait for it.

Is Love Good Enough A Reason For You To Get Married

One of the first questions mostly asked intending couples is if they LOVE each other. It is the norm that one of the prerequisite for marriage is love. But I want those who will be reading this post to ask themselves this question very sincerely whether married, about to marry or hoping to get married someday. Is Love good enough a reason for one to get married to a person or not? This is the question I will trust the Lord to help us answer in the today's blogpost.

Song Of Songs 8:6-7(NIV)
6Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like the blazing fire, like a mighty flame. 7Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. 

This passage is a description of love between a man and a woman as found in the Bible. The kind of love described here is the love that is meant to exist only between a man and a woman in marriage. When I sought the face of God for a better understanding of this kind of love, the Holy Spirit opened up my heart to see and understand love as a catalyst feeling that God has put in the heart of the man and his wife to enhance their bonding in marriage. The love described by Solomon here is like an adhesive that enhances the bonding of a man and the woman he is married to.
I will like to share with those reading this post that this love that is talked about is a beautiful feeling. It's the strong bond between two married couples. This love is sacrificial, it's strong, it ignites warmth, it enhances oneness, it enhances a sense of protection between the couple who share this bond as one spouse will always want to protect the other. This love produces peace and it is fun to have. When there is love between married couples prosperity reigns in their midst. I can go on with all the beautiful things that comes with love and so it's not abnormal to be sure that this love exist between any intending couple.
But just as I asked earlier, is this Love strong enough to hold a marriage till eternity such that it becomes the sole criteria for any two people to come into a marriage covenant? If we look at the description from the passage above, Solomon said this love is strong as death and it's jealousy as unyielding as the grave, and so this tells me that this love has its good and bad side. This love is powerful yet can be destructive when channeled wrongly.
Solomon warned in Songs of Songs 2:7, he said"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." From what I am learning in this book of the Bible, this beautiful love that God has made and filled into the hearts of men solely for marriage purpose can be misused, misapplied and aroused or awakened inappropriately. And when this happens, this beautiful additive that God made exclusively for marriage becomes as unyielding as the grave. Then this love that is sweet and beautiful becomes a venom of death. And so we hear and see people become very destructive and doing absurd things just for the sake of love. When you hear someone killed for love, then you realise that it is love that has been misapplied and awakened unnecessarily. Then love becomes as strong as death. No wonder Solomon had to repeat that same warning three times (Songs of Songs 2:7, 3:5, 8:4) within an eight chapter book.
There is a step that precedes the release or the awakening of love, and that is a divine consultation with God. When you see someone you think you might be interested in, the first thing to do is to pray and ask God to reveal to you if that person is the one whom He has made for you or has made you for, before releasing your love to such a person. Because when you allow the release of love before a divine consultation with God you will not hear clearly what the Lord is saying to you about the one in whom you have invested your love.
In quite a number of cases where we hear of people getting their hearts broken, when questions are thoroughly asked, it is always a case of one falling in love with someone they never prayed about before falling in love with. And so Solomon charges all not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
In the book of Genesis 24, we find the story of Isaac and Rebekah, and one thing that caught my interest in that story was the fact that Rebekah was willing to marry Isaac despite the fact that she had not met him in person. And when you read through the story of Isaac and Rebekah you will discover that they both loved each other through their troubled times, when they had no child for a long 20years. One secret behind the success of Isaac and Rebekah's marriage was that the choice of who to marry was made by God and nobody else. And love was awakened in their relationship after God had approved of the union. The fact that God was the origin of their union didn't mean they did not have their challenges, but they scaled through them all with their marriage still standing strong.
We discover that those who love themselves so very dearly at the point of getting married might eventually fall out of love for each other to the point of getting a divorce in some cases, and in some other cases the issue of violence and abuse then surfaces in their marriage. Based on this fact, I will then say that love is not a reason strong enough for a marriage covenant to stand on. Love like all other emotional feeling appears and disappears. There are times a person is happy and there are times that same person is sad. In the same manner there are times the love between a couple is very strong and there are times the love between them is almost non-existent. When all that is holding a marriage together is love, then at the point where it fades, trouble starts.
But when you have the hold of the hand of God on your marriage which is bigger and better than any love you can feel, then there is the confidence that your marriage can weather any storm whether you are in or out of love for each other. God is the origin of love and so He knows when to reapply the bond of love when it seems to be fading away.
So from my own discovery and conclusion, I will say that LOVE as an emotion, strong as it maybe, is not a reason strong enough for any two people to enter into a marriage covenant with each other without first seeking the mind of God on the matter. If for any reason you see someone you think you are interested in getting married to, please hold the love in within you and objectively seek the face of God on the step you are about to take before releasing your love to such a person.
And for those who are in marriage and didn't seek God first before taking the decision, we all serve a God of second and third and forth and fifth and endless chances. All you need to do is get wise enough to invite Jesus into your marriage and He will right all your wrongs and rebuild that marriage of yours and do for you and your spouse what you otherwise cannot do for yourself.
 

The Foundation Of Marriage

In my two previous posts this year I wrote that most of the post from this blog will be focused on is the issue of marriage and building a successful home. In Genesis chapter two, the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so marriage is an institution that almost every one created by God will pass through. It is the norm in all human race that one should get married. But marriage is not just about a man and a woman living together, but that they live together in harmony and love and oneness which is what makes a successful marriage.
An old classmate of mine recently shared a story on group chat we both belong to of  her friend who died recently from domestic abuse. This lady who got married less than two years ago was beaten to death by her husband while she was pregnant. And this is not a case in isolation, there are several of such cases that I have read about on news journal and online news portals and several uncountable divorces cases that occur almost every minute. Several of my friends on the chat platform were of the opinion that the lady should have walked out of the marriage as soon as the abuse started rather than endured it to her death.
I can not totally say they are wrong for making such comments, but could the lady and several other ladies in abusive marriage get a better deal from their marriage is a question I will trust God to help us answer in the series of post I will be sharing on the topic of marriage in the next weeks and months.
In order to have a marriage that shines bright and gives you great to joy and not one that you have to endure, it must be built on the right foundation. Several people have entered into marriage for very wrong reasons and one of such reason is emotions. And when the reason for the coming together of these two wonderful people expires, then we get to hear of things like divorce and abuse in marriage.
Some other people have had spouses picked for them without their consent and without adequate prayer and hearing from God on the choice of spouse they have chosen for their children and wards, so such people are burdened with a marriage that does not make them happy or give them joy. This also is a reason that can lead to divorce or abuse in marriage.
With this said, what then is the appropriate approach to making a choice of a marriage partner? In order to answer this question right, we need to get back to the Bible.

Genesis 2:18; 20b-22; 24-25
18The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

But for Adam no suitable help was found. 21So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. 

The scripture above gives us insight into the origin of marriage. First, it tells us why the Lord instituted marriage, as the Lord Himself stated that it is not good for the man to be alone. The second and very important thing to note in this scripture is that it was the Lord upon pronouncing that it is not good for the man to be alone who made the woman from the rib He took out of the man and then presented her to the man.
When God said it was not good for the man to be alone, He did not ask the man to go in search of a help for himself but rather made a suitable helper for him in the form of a woman and brought her to him. When a man is approaching a point in his life where he needs a suitable helper, he needs not burden himself searching for a suitable helper because that is not a task he can carry out adequately well. All he needs to do is go back to God in prayer, and petition God to present to him the suitable helper He has created for him. That woman whom the Lord formed from the rib He took from such a man.
When your choice of a wife is based on prayer and not emotions, then you will be getting married to God's best choice for you and that lays the foundation for success in your marital life.
Also for the woman the same approach applies to you, please it is better that you pray and seek the consent of God to inquire and know if that man you want to marry is the man from whose ribs the Lord formed you and for whose life's purpose you have been created before you sign off the authority of your life to a wrong head.
And if as a woman you think you are beginning to get old and yet to be married, please don't get so worried and then give yourself off to the wrong man. Please take the time to pray and ask the Lord to present you to that man from whose ribs He made you and for whose life's destiny your were formed.
For those who have entered into marriage without first seeking the mind of God before taking the decision, all hope is not lost. At whatever level your marriage is now, you can start to pray for God's visitation and intervention in your marriage. Pray that the Lord begins to right the wrongs in your home and life and thus make your marriage a beauty to behold. This is something not difficult at all for God to do if you'll sincerely let Him. 
In my next post, I will trust God to help us consider the role love plays in marriage and if love can be the sole criteria for one to get married.

The Lord That Keeps His Promises

1 Kings 8:15, 20a, 23 (NIV)
Then he said: "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who with his own hand has fulfilled what he promised with his own mouth to my father David."

The Lord has kept the promise he made: I have succeeded David my father and now I sit on the throne of Israel, just as the Lord promised.

"the Lord, the God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on the earth below - you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.

In my last post I mentioned that the bulk of my posts this year will focus on the issues of home building which includes working towards and enjoying a successful marriage based on God's rules for marriage and raising godly offspring. But I will seek permission for just a little diversion from the main focus, and so today I will do a short write-up on trusting God to fulfill that which He has promised us.
There are so many words from different men-of-God concerning the year 2015 that is just beginning. The Lord has spoken through the mouth of quite a handful of pastors and through them told us what the year holds in store. But most importantly is the fact that right in the Bible we find so many promises of God and what the Lord has in store for those who follow after His ways and obey His commands.
But the confidence that I have and want to share with someone reading this post today is that God is faithful to that which He has promised. Solomon said this repeatedly as he dedicated the temple he built for the Lord that God has fulfilled with His own hands that which He promised with His mouth.
I will remain encouraged in this truth and want to share the same encouragement with as many as the Lord will help me reach out to, that without your help, contribution or support, God will fulfill in your life, situation, finances, marriage, children, health and every area of your life with His own hands that which His mouth has promised. He will not speak forth that which He does not intend to bring to pass in your life.
But Solomon put a clause to what he affirmed to, he said, "God is the God who keeps His covenant of love with His servants who continue wholeheartedly to keep His ways." So God's faithfulness knows no limit in the lives of those who wholeheartedly follow His ways.
So as we continue into the year and await the manifestation of God's promises in our lives, we need to wholeheartedly continue in His ways. Solomon had experienced God's faithful and he affirmed to that which he experienced and enjoyed. David said in Psalm 37:25 that "he was young and later old, yet he had never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread," so David also affirmed to the God who keeps promises and rewards righteousness.
So with these being the characteristics of our God, this year let us dig deep into our faith and hold on to God for a wonderful year ahead as we set our minds with the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit to live a righteous life deserving of God promises and faithfulness.

Please feel free to take a tour of my website www.thewordthatsuits.com, it promises to be a very exciting visit.

As we begin this new year and strife to trust God for a peaceful year in our homes, marriages and in the lives of our children, I will encourage you to get my book Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement. It is a book like non-else as it highlights the mind of God regarding various marital issues you might be going through. You will also find in it real life stories of challenges of marriage and how you can scale through them. This book helped me, and I am positive it will help you too. Available on the under-listed platforms. You can also review the book and please leave a comment.

https://www.createspace.com/4309313

http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement

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A New Year With Change In Mind

It's a beautiful thing to be given grace to witness another year. So as this is my first blog post this year 2015, I want to wish all my readers a very happy new year. And I pray this will be a prosperous year for us all in the name of Jesus.
I am particularly grateful to God for the year 2014, and I must say that it was a year that God showed Himself mighty in the affairs of my life. I am positive that many of those who have totally put their trust in God will share the same declaration that indeed the Lord has been good to us in the past year. And much more will He do for us this year if only we invest our total trust in Him and His ability to deliver us from all of our troubles.
I am yet to come up with a topic for today's post, but I trust that has the Lord presents His word through me, He will give a topic before I am done writing this piece.
Just exactly a week ago, I heard on the news that there was a shot-out at a magazine publication firm in Paris and about 12people where killed. This story made headlines for about three on all news platform and until the perpetrators of the gruesome act where apprehended and killed, we didn't hear much of anything else on all the news channels.
Interestingly, for a reason I can't explain, I found myself following up on the development. Quite a handful of analyst where on air to lend a voice to what was then happening in France, and one comment that caught my attention was a man who gave the "lack of parental attention" as one of the reasons why there are quite a handful of young men in the western countries enrolling as Jihadist fighters. And this just re-enforces the end result of the decay in moral values and the after effect on the larger society of the various unfixed defects in the home.
The defects in the home can take so many forms and shapes, but whether we are aware of it or not, this defects affects the larger society in one form or the other. There is a ripple effect of your actions or in-actions on the society either positively or negatively, the effect coming in direct proportion of your action.
A dysfunctional home is not likely to produce positive output, and so the children from such home are likely to be of less that desirable behaviour. My pastor ones told me to keep watch over a trend in my home, he said I should watch what starts to happen to my children when a have prolonged fight with my husband. When he called my attention to it, I initially thought he was taking things a little too far. But to my shock, I realised then that when I have prolonged fight with my husband, at least one of my children will fall sick. And then it occurred to me that whatever happens between me and my husband had an effect on my children. It was mind blowing, but that, I have come to realise to be true.
If for reason of irreconcilable differences between a man and his wife they produce children with less than acceptable behaviour into the society, then such a society is endangered by the product emanating from this one dysfunctional home. So we can then begin to imagine when we do not have just one dysfunctional home, but several of them.
As we begin this new year, I believe it is time to look inward for the solution to the many problems of our society that we so dearly seek God for an intervention in. There is a song of the late Michael Jackson that I would love make a reference to in this write-up. Michael says in his song that if you want to a better world then first take a look in the mirror and let the change begin with the man you see in the mirror.
True, your marriage in your own words or perception is plagued with irreconcilable differences, but have you given a thought to the broader effect of that so called irreconcilable difference? What are the measures you have taken to reconcile the difference between you and your spouse before concluding that it is irreconcilable?

Matthew 19:7-8
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

From what we understand Jesus to be saying in the passage above, that irreconcilable difference is the hardness of the heart of man. There is no problem in any area of our lives that God cannot help us overcome if we truly invite Him into the situation.
As we begin a new year and start to make plans for the year, one important plan that is required of us is to make our own positive contribution to the society we live in. This contribution does not have to come in a large size. As little as making ourselves better people is enough contribution to our society. As little as making efforts in making our marriages work as God has planned it to, is enough contribution to our society. As little as raising our children in the way of the Lord and impressing in them good moral values and norms are big contributions to the society that takes the shape of little. As little as making our homes a haven for our spouse and children are little contributions with big effects to the society.
I am a stay home mum and wife, by the grace of God I put serious efforts in running my home and making sure my home is filled with love and peace. The effect of what God is doing through me is that my husband is able to give his best in his work place as he has little or no distraction from the home front and my husband is always quick to thank me for what I am doing in the home. (This is coming just as an example of little contribution with positive effect on the society).
With the help of the Holy-Spirit, I will again concentrate the write-ups coming from this blog for this year 2015 on issues of the home. Every area and aspect of building and enjoying effective and functional home will be looked into. Starting from the marriage, the man and his wife and everything that revolves around the marriage will be discussed. Also the issue of raising godly children, dealing with finances in the homes will be looked into. Topics that have already been discussed and probably exist in the blog archives will also be re-visited and I pray that it will be a year of learning for us all and a year of making and sustaining positive changes in our lives, homes and the society.

If you have any question or issue you want discussed please send me a mail on info@thewordthatsuits.com or derin@thewordthatsuits.com. I will be looking forward to hearing from you.

 You probably have read a book or two on marriage, but I assure you there is still one more you need to get and read, and keep reading and continue to make reference to as you trust God for a positive change in your marriage. I had also thought there were irreconcilable differences in my marriage, and then the Lord showed me that I was wrong. My marriage was one characterized by so many negatives that I had concluded that sticking it out was no use. But today, God turned it all around for me. Same husband, same marriage, better results, so much love and affection, peace all around me and four lovely children to crown my life. Come and learn what God Himself thought me in the book "Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement." 

https://www.createspace.com/4309313

http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement

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