The Word That Suits

Friday 14 March 2014

The Wife and Her Marriage

I kind of assumed that enough has been said on the issue of marriage, and I really bless God for the lives and homes that have been positively impacted by the topics that were discussed in my previous blog posts on the issues of marriage and the home as a whole. Quite a lot of people have agreed that in truth there is more they need to do beyond that which they assumed was more than enough contribution on their part in making their homes better places to live in.
But since there is yet to be a significant decline in the rate of divorce and cases of broken marriages, I will continue to write, and if its just a person or two that is benefiting from the messages preached by God through me then I will be grateful to God.
In my everyday life, I still hear of women who have very little or absolute no knowledge of what the Lord requires of them in marriage. They still carry on with the mind-set that in marriage they are designed to be on the receiving end. I have heard on quite a lot of radio programs where it is said that the wife tends to respond in direct proportion to whatever actions they get from their husbands. So since the Lord has instructed the husbands to love their wives as themselves, then they are to carry on that task first and then the wife will respond positively to the love shown to them by their husbands.
This is very good and agreeable by me when the men preach this kind of message among themselves. This is a message that should be preached solely in a gathering of men and not to women. I am saying this because in the institution of marriage the woman is not just designed to be on the receiving end of the equation, but to give more than she receives. As a matter of fact the woman has been designed by God to build the home and not the man.

Ephesians 5:22-23
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

In as much as I agree that for the wife to perform her duty effectively, it will be of advantage that her husband shows her love and respect and appreciate all that she is doing to make the home a comfortable home. But that said, the starting point in building the home is when the wives learn to submit to their husbands.
The three passages above are portions of the Bible where the roles of the husband and the wife are explicitly spelt out to them by God through Paul and Peter. But the instruction was not first given to the man, but to the woman. So if we are to think deep on this, we need to ask ourselves that why is God addressing the woman first? I am persuaded to believe that God made it so because the foundation of any marriage lies with the wife. And the foundation of a successful marriage lies in the ability of the wife to submit to her husband as to the Lord.
When a woman is in total submission to her husband and she is a good Christian with the fear of God rooted deeply in her life, then it will not be long before she draws out the love that her husband has for her if he is yet to start to show it.

Genesis 2:18, 21
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The second important role a wife should play in the life of the husband is that of a suitable help. God identified the short falls in the life of the man He created and concluded that this man needs a help. So from within him the Lord made the woman and presented her to the man to be his wife. But one interesting point that women miss on is that God never assigned the woman to help the man in specific areas of his life and leave the others. From what is recorded in the Bible the wife is a suitable help for her husband in every aspect of the man’s life where help is needed or required. So Solomon in his wisdom was able to say in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.”
So if as a wife your husband is failing, I dare to tell you that you are failing all the more because you have been assigned by God to help him in every area of his life where help is needed.
Before you write your husband off as a “never do well”, before you run to the divorce court for a certificate of annulment of that marriage, what have you done to help your husband become a better person and so fulfilling your God given assignment in his life?
In truth your husband might not be faithful to you in that marriage, that is a problem that you have recognized. So rather than opt for the divorce option, what have you done to help him overcome his infidelity problem? Because in truth you are his God assigned suitable help in all the problems he might be facing. Rather than stigmatize your husband as a poverty stricken fellow, running out on him for a richer man, what have you done to help alleviate his poverty? If you are not capable of works, you are at least capable of praying heaven down on him until the Lord hears your cry and delivers him.
In the book of 1Samuel 25, everyone knew Nabal to be a surly and mean fellow in his dealings. Though he was very wealthy yet he was stingy. But he had a gift from God in the person of his intelligent beautiful wife Abigail. Although everyone recognized Nabal for his bad attributes, one person who didn't write him off was his wife Abigail. When Nabal stepped on David's toes and was going to be killed, this intelligent wife of Nabal ran to his rescue. She did the needful, by appeasing David on behalf of her stingy husband, carrying food and other supplies to David and his men in the desert and pleading just that David will not destroy her husband and his household. This is an example that a good wife needs to hold dear. And just as I mentioned earlier if you are not capable of works, you should be capable of prayers until the Lord hears your cry and delivers your husband.
As a woman, your marriage is just as beautiful as you make it, you are the bedrock of that marriage and it will stand on the foundation that you build it on. Your home is all about you.

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Wednesday 5 March 2014

Bringing Up Godly Offspring; A Positive Contribution To A Healthy Society

I bless God for the lives of those who have been impacted by my previous post on the importance of raising our children for the Lord. I am sorry if I have to revisit this issue once more before moving on to other aspect of our lives and home.
I must confess that the things I have been reading on the news about the ways and attitude of the youth of this generation has caused a scare in my thinking. I read about a 16year old girl who was stabbed to death on her a way to school by her ex-lover over the fact that she called off a love affair they once had. This I read happened somewhere in Kenya. The first thing that came to my heart is what a 16year old girl needs a lover for at that age. And then the uncontrolled aggression of the so-called lover.
And in my own very own city of Lagos in Nigeria, an 18year old undergraduate was killed in her own residence by a group of boys living within the same area as she was, owing to the fact that she refused to give in to the sexual advances made to her by the boys. And these same boys had the boldness to send a text message to the mother of the girl informing her that they have killed her daughter to teach her a lesson not to be too proud.
These are some of the heart breaking things that are happening around us that has called for parents to wake up from whatever slumber they might be in at the moment and live up to their God assigned responsibility of raising godly offspring that the Lord seeks (Malachi 2:15). It appears that just under our very own eyes the devil is snatching away our children and we are doing very little about it. The new trend of child protection that has totally eroded the use of the rod as a form of discipline might be one of the reasons why we are beginning to have cases as the ones that we have in the world today with regards our children. But with the consciousness that we will surely render account to the Lord over the lives of our children, and the fact we are also mortgaging our own rest in the future requires that we wake and take necessary steps to start to do the needful in raising our children in a godly manner with good moral standard. And if that is all that we are able to contribute to the society that we live in, then we would have done so much in making the world a better place for all to live in.
I am not an advocate or supporter of child abuse, I presently have 3 wonderful children ages between 6-10years and I am expecting the forth in a couple of weeks, so I am too passionate about children. But that said I am also going to live my parental life based on Bible standard. Proverbs 23:13-14 says “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”
Growing up for me was with stern discipline. I was not abused, but I must confess that stern discipline was not lacking in my parent’s dictionary. It was not easy at the time for all six of my mother’s children because my mum was a strict disciplinarian. We took the cane when required. In fact I must say that at some point growing up I concluded my mother was actually not my mother because she was too much of her disciplinarian for my comprehension. But today at over 40years of age, I bless God that I was trained in such a manner because it really helped build my moral values and that of my siblings. My mother is a joyful woman today advancing well into old age and happy that she has six wonderful children who are today her best friends and confident. Above all she knows so well that she is loved.
Just before I close up on this blog post, I came across a report both on the news and as a post on Google+ and I can’t help but make reference to it. It’s about an 18year old girl suing her parents for not paying for her upkeep and sending her out of the house. The parents on their own part claimed the girl moved out of the house voluntarily because she would not live by their rules or do any house chores. Interestingly the parents of the friend of the girl are sponsoring the court case between the girl and her parents. I have read a lot of comments on the google+ post blaming the situation on bad parenting, and some are of the opinion that the father might be too strict to warrant the girl’s behaviour. Although most of the comments didn’t go so deep because of lack of full knowledge of the background story of the family. But what I applaud so far is the ability of the judge to recognize the disrespect shown by the girl towards her parents and the ripple effects the case will have on the society, as children will now be at liberty to sue their parents for every flimsy excuse.
In as much as I will not exonerate the parents off faulty upbringing, still I will say that no child is above rebuke by his/her parents at whatever age they might have attained. In Job 1:1-7, we see the father Job purifying his children even when they were old and already living in their individual homes. Job understand that at whatever age his children had attained he still held the responsibility to ensure that they lived right before God.

1 Samuel 3:11-14
And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family - from beginning to end. For I told him that I will judge his family for ever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, “The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.”
The sons of Eli were no small boys, they were not toddlers or teenagers yet the Lord expects that Eli should restrain his sons from wrong doing. The Lord had warned Eli once and it was just time to punish the family. The sins committed where not by Eli as a prophet, but by his sons. The only sin committed by Eli was his inability to restrain his sons from wrong doing. So if a father thinks within himself that although he had initially failed in his parenting responsibility but now it's time to right his wrongs, then I applaud such a father. If an 18year old child is all of a sudden too old to live by instruction then she should be ready to live by the consequences.
I am of the mindset that a combination of discipline and love produces the best desired results in bringing up godly offspring, but removing the element of discipline and strict discipline when the need arises from the ingredients of parenting is acting in error. My children holds a major priority in my life and that of my husband's. We love them dearly and by the grace of God we ensure they don't lack the things they need and even want. We strive hard to provide their needs and wants but still make sure they are well disciplined. I have adopted a formula for my own children and I am trusting God that it produces good result. And that is: If I correct them over a wrong doing by word of mouth once and again, then on the third occasion of a re-occurrence of that same wrong doing I correct them with my cane and I make it a point of duty to make them understand why they are been caned.
I will warn parents not to take out their frustrations on their children, and also to discipline their children with caution and with much love keeping in mind that the purpose of the discipline is to make the child a better individual rather than to destroy or harm the child. When this is the focus of discipline, then it is applied appropriately and correctly.
In closing, I will say this: If we cannot contribute anything to the society, we will be making a very big and major impact in the world we live in by the quality of the children we produce for the society. If we all cannot be big role models in the society, we can be major contributors to a better society via the little things we do in the confines of our homes, lives, children and family.

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Monday 24 February 2014

Lessons To Impress On Our Children

In my last post I began a discussion on the unhealthy trend in the lives of the youth of this generation. I mentioned a story I read in the news of an 18year old boy who killed a 12year old girl just to get the feaces of a virgin which he claimed a pastor asked him to bring in exchange for a N100,000.00 fee. And this story shocking as it may sound is just one of the many stories of the atrocities committed by the youth of this generation. One common trend among these youths is their unquenching thirst to make money by all means, be it negative or positive. Their total lack of will to wait on God for their dreams to materialize is actually very alarming.
Although I will not put the blame on the parents in totality, but I am of the opinion that the devil is out to snatch away the youths and this calls for extra vigilance on the part of the parents knowing fully well that their peace of mind in the old age is anchored on the investment in discipline and love they have been able to make in the lives of their children now that they can.
One truth that has worked for me and I am convinced to be so true is that the words of the Bible are effective. For those who know how to wait on God, the dividends of their righteousness will produce good fruits for them at the right time. Isaiah 40:31 says “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” This is the portion of those who have learned to wait on God. This is the message that God expects that we hold for our lives and teach our wealthy hasty children as they grow.

Ecclesiastes 2:24-25
A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

The passage above teaches deep lessons that we need to learn and then teach to our children. The wealth that is stored up by sinners and through sinful means are actually been laid in wait for the righteous. It might sounds like an impossibility, but with God who is the sole owner of all wealth, He will distribute His wealth as He deems fit irrespective of our dreams, desires and actions. If anyone tries to acquire it forcefully, they only retain it for a short while and get punished for their actions.

Proverbs 12:11He who works his hands will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement.

Proverbs 13:11
Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.

Proverbs 10:22
The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.

Proverbs 23:4-5
Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.
Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

Above are some basic truth about the pursuit of wealth that as parents we need to be mindful of and at the same time teach our children. The desire to be rich is not in anyway wrong, but the blind and ungodly pursuit of it tells how long we will be able to keep the wealth that has been acquired. No matter how fast a man gets rich and no matter the fact that he is young or old, the truth is that if his means of wealth is ungodly then it is just last a short while with very serious consequences. As parents we need to get close to our children enough to know their deepest secrets and be able to put them on the right path early enough.
A child millionaire will not necessarily translate to an adult millionaire if he has not learned to grow wise and show restraint to the pursuit of wealth. And also because the child next door is rich at a tender age does not mean that all the children on that lane should be teenage millionaires. Their destinies defer and the plan of God for their lives are different. These are the truth we need to instil in the minds of our growing children.
A child who has learned to work his hands from his youth will learn the secret of growing wealth little by little right from when he is young and be sure that his wealth will grow. It is important that as parents we start to disabuse the minds of our children from the get rich fast and young syndrome, so as to preserve their lives from death.

Wednesday 19 February 2014

Discussing Matters Of The Home

Malachi 2:15
Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
Most of my blog post last year where based on issues that were closely related to the topic of marriage, and I have received quite a number of positive and encouraging responses that makes me thank God. This year I will still be doing much of the same thing, but focus more on the home as a bigger picture. I will trust God to help us as parents and parents to be, focus more on the bringing up of our children to be all that God has called them to be as part of having a healthy home, and as we all strive to make our contribution to a better world for all to live in.
In my spear time or when I think I just need to rest, I lie down and pick up my phone to go through the tweets from people and organizations that I am following. I have quite a number of local News platforms that I am following so I get to read the news via their tweets. One very prominent news that comes up almost everyday day is the prevalent decay in the moral standard of the youths of this generation, and their unquenching thirst for money and the luxuries of life. I read of an 18year old boy who strangled a 12year old girl to death because a pastor asked him to bring the last feaces of a virgin for a reward of N100,000.00. I was not just shocked at the news, and wondered what on earth an 18year old boy wants to do with such an amount of money. Then there is another story of a 19year old girl being stabbed to death for refusing the advances made to her by a group of boys living within the same environment as she was. Her offense being that she is too proud and will not mingle with those in the society.
These and many more stories that are featuring today, necessitates the need for us as parents to be re-awakened to our God given responsibility as parents. The Lord said He made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit because He seeks godly offspring from their union (Malachi 2:15). And like all other assignment that the Lord has laid on us as humans, on the issue of the offspring that we birth forth, the Lord will demand an account from us.

Genesis 9:5
And for the lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each man too. I will demand an accounting for the life of his fellow man.

The words above is a declarations of God that has not been found to change by any other word of declaration in the Bible. Though the Lord might temper justice with mercy, but yet He will demand an account over every of our conduct on earth and every assignment we have been assigned to do on the face of the earth. Living with the consciousness that we will have to account for the lives of our offspring on how we have performed in raising them up for the Lord as He seeks, calls for the need for us as parents, by the grace of God to do more and put more effort in excelling in this one big and important assignment for God.
The priority given to this assignment has its ripple effect. When God revealed that He seeks godly offspring from the marriage union, it is not to God’s advantage but it is for the benefit of the man to whom the charge has been given. Whether your offspring are godly or not does not make God less than God, it does not diminish His powers in any way and neither does it reduce His Kingdom over which He rules as God. But that we men might have comfort and peace in the society we live in, thus the Lord seeks godly offspring from our marriage union.

Proverbs 17:21, 25
To have a fool for a son brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool.

A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.

Proverbs 19:13a, 18
A foolish son is his father’s ruin.

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

From the passages above, we don't need to have anyone reconfirm to us that the charge by God to raise our children in a godly manner is mainly for our own future good. Obedience to this charge is a positive preparation on our own part for own future. Another important thing to note is that raising godly offspring that the Lord seeks rid the society of unbelievably demoralizing stories of what is happening in the lives of the youth such as we have today. When every home and every parent prayerfully adhere to God’s instruction to discipline their children and bring them up in the way of the Lord with stern discipline and adequate love then we are walking our way to a healthy society.

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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Enjoying God's Covenant (Part 2)

In my last post I tried to open up our minds to the magnitude of what the Lord it providing for us by way of His promises and covenants, with God having to swear by His name or confirm His covenants with an oath. Going by the definition of the word covenant as a legal agreement in which someone promised to pay another person a some of money on a regular basis and having the definition of a promise as a ground for expectation and a sign for future excellence, once we have a covenant from God in effect in our lives, without God having to swear or confirm we oath we can rest all hopes that our future is secured no matter the circumstances we are faced with today. But I bless God that He did not just give us His covenants and make His promises to us, He swore to those promises by His Name which is above all names and confirmed them with oaths that we might be double sure and have a basis to erase all doubts that our future is excellent and that which the Lord has promised to us will be delivered into our hands at the appointed time.
If we have to consider all the covenants and promises of the Lord one after the other, we would be having a course to put down the entire Bible on blog post, because the promises of God are endless. They contain in them the covenants of blessings, prosperity, wealth, health, security, peace of minds and all that we can ask or think of, the Lord has promised to give to us.
We will find in the book of John where Christ says “if we remain in Him and His words remain in us, we can ask for anything in His Name and it will be done for us by our Father in heaven.

John 14:12-14
12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

John 15:7
7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

John 16:24
24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

The passages above shows us without any doubt that the promises of God are boundless and there is not restriction to what we can obtain from God as long as we remain in His will, and His words remain in us. But a covenant of any kind is a two-way agreement. In as much as it is legal, it is still an agreement between two people or groups of people and each party has a role to play in order for the covenant to take full effect. It is God’s role to provide for us what we have asked of Him or what He has promised to provide for us as contained His covenants and promises, but it is our duty to remain in His will and allow His words to remain in us for us to enjoy the full benefit of the covenant He has made with us. So once we are outside the will of God and do not allow His words to remain in us, then we should not expect that the dividends of God’s covenant will accrue to us.

Genesis 17:1-9
When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.”
Abram fell face down, and God said to him. “As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram, your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you fruitful; I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God.”
Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for generations to come.

The passage above explicitly describes the message I want my readers to keep at the back of their minds as they journey into the success of the year 2014. In the book of John, Jesus says in order for us to have eligibility to ask for anything in His Name and have our request granted then we must remain in Him and let His words remain in us. That is the part of the covenant assigned to us to keep for the effectiveness of that covenant in our lives and situation.
In the passage above, there are two things God required of Abraham as his own role in the fulfillment of God’s covenant for his life. First, the Lord said in Genesis 17:1 that “walk before me and be blameless.” So we are to understand that a blameless walk before the Lord was required from Abraham in the covenant relationship between him and God. And in the same manner, a blameless walk before the Lord is required from the descendants of Abraham to sustain and retain the everlasting covenant of God for generations of Abraham’s descendants.
In chapter 9 of Genesis 17, God instructed Abraham to keep His covenant. God is the initiator of the covenant, and meeting up with what He has promised does not pose a problem at all because Abraham was convinced that God has power to fulfill that which He has promised (Roman 4:21). He is God and never in lack of resources. But the clause laid with Abraham, he needed to keep the covenant, he needed meet up with his own side of the agreement. He needed to walk before the Lord and be blameless and also needed to circumcise every male within his household as a sign of his covenant with God.
As descendants of Abraham and heirs to God’s promise to Abraham (Galatians 3:29), we have a covenant with God. We have a promise from God that is our grounds for expectation and a sign for our future excellence. These covenants are legal and binding to God to fulfill in our lives, and the knowledge of this truth always gives us reasons to rejoice in Christ. But we need to keep God’s covenant. There is a side to that legal agreement that is not dependent on God but on us. God has the power to fulfill His promises, but a blameless walk before Him is required from us to have the covenant fulfilled in our lives.
Without any doubt the year 2014 is going to be a victorious year for us all. It is a year where God will increase His grace upon our lives and our expectations in Christ will not be cut short as we will not trust God in vain. But we need to keep God’s covenant. We need to walk before the Lord and be blameless, we need to remain in Christ and let His words remain in us and our miracles will not be delayed in Jesus Name.

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Sunday 9 February 2014

Enjoying God’s Covenant (Part 1)

Hebrews 6:13-18When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no-one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.
Men swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts and end to all argument. Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchanging things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.

I really need to apologize for the very long interval between my last post and this one. In fact this is my first post this year and so I will be wishing all those who will view this post a Happy and Prosperous New Year in Jesus Name. For those who have been following my posts and have not heard from me in a long while, once again I say I am really very sorry.
As the year begins I am most certain that a lot of people have hopes, and are therefore believing God for something new and something special. I am not sure how many people had their hopes meet in Christ last year, but the truth is that at whatever level we are on waiting on God for a specific miracle, God still remains faithful and He rewards those who diligently seek Him.
As my year began, there are quite a lot of things I have tabled before the Lord for Him to accomplish in my life, family and ministry, and as I began to pray for the new year, God has been reminding me of what His covenant is all about. There is a book He led me to write on His covenant that is presently available on Amazon.com and on kindle. I had to go back and read this book as the Lord led me, to be reminded of what God’s covenant is all about.
In order to understand the magnitude of what we have received from God by way of His covenant and promises, it will help us to find out from the English dictionary what the definition of a covenant is and also what it means to make a promise to someone.
Based on the information given by some English dictionaries, a covenant is “a written agreement, it is said to be a common pledge.” Another dictionary gives its meaning as “a legal agreement, often an agreement to give money.” But the meaning that I want to relate with, describes a covenant as “a legal agreement in which someone promises to pay a person or organization an amount of money regularly.”
If the English dictionary is giving us the meaning of a covenant as a legal agreement in which someone promises to pay a person an amount of money regularly, then it means what we have received from the Lord by way of His covenant to us is a legal agreement that is binding to Him to fulfill. What God has promised to us when we made His covenant with us is a LEGAL AGREEMENT. But in the definition we have looked at we will notice the word promise, so once again we will need to understand what it means to receive a promise as we prepare to anchor our hopes in the word of God for this year.
Again the dictionary definition of the word promise says “it is a pledge, an assurance, a ground for expectation.” It is also described as, “to tell someone you will definitely do or provide something, or that something will definitely happen.” And lastly, “a promise is a declaration that one will give or do something; signs for future excellence.”
From the definitions of the words covenant and promise that we have highlighted, we can better appreciate what the Lord is about to make happen in our lives this new year as we hold onto the hope He has given to us.
It would have just been okay that the Lord made a covenant with us knowing that His covenant is a legal agreement binding to Him to fulfill, and His promises are an assurance and grounds for expectation that what has been promised will definitely be provided for. But the Lord went much in providing us the reassurance that we need to hold unto by swearing by His Name in confirmation of His covenant and then making an oath and thus giving two things by which it is impossible for Him to lie as anchor for our faith as we hold unto Him to receive that which as been promised to us.
From the definitions we have seen of the words covenant and promise, it would have been enough for God to make the promise without having to swear or confirm His promise with an oath and still we will have a legal agreement in place for us, but that we might be double sure that God will not fail, He swore by His Name and confirmed with an oath in order that our doubt might be totally erased as to whether the Lord will do for us that which He says He will do.
I don't know what you are trusting God for this year, but if just like me you have a list of request laid before the living God, I implore you to go back to His word and find out what His covenants are, those promises that He has made with those who wait on Him that will never fail, and will not go unfulfilled. Because this year as you learn to keep God’s covenant, you are entering into the best year that you have experienced so far on the face of the earth and it will only always get better as you remain in the Love of Christ.

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Wednesday 27 November 2013

Dealing With Marital Unfaithfulness

When someone you are committed to love and have covenanted your life to, to spend the rest of your life with and share yourself with all the remaining days of your life is not as faithful to that covenant, but is rather having extra-marital affairs with someone else, the knowledge of this is a thing I am at loose of words to describe. I am tempted to use words like hurt of feelings or betrayal, but I am not sure if these best describes what I am trying to communicate to anyone reading this post.
Marital unfaithfulness is the leading cause of divorce in marriages and has played a major role in troubled homes. In fact some people go to the extreme and do unthinkable things when they find out their spouse have been unfaithful to them. As a matter of fact some kill for it. Jesus understanding how hurtful this can be in Matthew 19:9 gave marital unfaithfulness as the only reason why anyone can go for a divorce. But the clause to that we will find in 1 Corinthians 7:11 when Paul speaking as God’s mouth piece says divorce can only take place if the person going for the divorce option remains unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and same goes for the man.
In the culture of the part of the world where I come from (which is African/Nigerian), it is permissible for the man to cheat on his wife, in fact it is a common occurrence that a man is cheating on his wife and it is assumed that the wife should understand and bear with it. So in the man’s world it is understandable to cheat on your wife. But when its the the wife who cheats on her husband, it is totally a thing of great dishonour to the woman and most unlikely if her marriage is not destroyed completely whenever the husband gets to know about it. What beats me in this tradition is if the woman is less human than the man and if it is also assumed that she should not hurt over the fact that her husband is having extra-marital affairs or there is no sense of betrayal that should be mourned over on her part. But with all these said, the main purpose of this message is not to dwell too much on the problem of marital unfaithfulness, but to trust God to help us with a workable solution for those struggling with such in their marriage without having to face the follow up problem of divorce or separation.
I once wrote a message on this blog on the topic of trust in the marriages and in dealing with the issue of unfaithfulness which is closely tied to the word TRUST, I will be making some similar conclusions as we did then. But the first thing to address when trying to heal through the problem of marital unfaithfulness is the ability to forgive. One of the reasons why marital unfaithfulness leads to so many other problems in marriages is the inability of the one who has been bruised to forgive his/her spouse. In fact Jesus stated in Matthew 19:8 that the reason why Moses permitted divorce was because the hearts of men were hard. When you cannot see yourself forgiving your spouse, then the issue of divorce comes into the picture.
To ask whether it is possible to forgive a spouse who has dishonoured the marriage covenant you both share is a question I will personally give a YES answer to, depending on how far you are willing to remove the hardness of your heart and bear in you the mind of Christ. And if asked whether I really do understand what it means to have my husband cheat on me, I will still give you a yes answer to that too, because I have been through that road before, I understand the betrayal and I have felt the hurt before and still I have forgave my husband, trusted God to help me through with grace to trust my him again and I have a beautiful marriage going for me, married to a wonderful husband who though has made his mistakes and we have healed together and with God he has helped me heal through the process.
Once you are able to forgive your spouse, it really does not end there. Dealing with marital unfaithfulness is not just about forgiving your spouse, it is about preventing the situation from re-occuring, and being able to build the trust the you once had for your spouse. Forgiving your spouse for cheating on you is a factor that depends on you, but preventing him/her from cheating on you again is a thing that you cannot determine. It not a factor that depends on you, but on your spouse with the help of God. Then rebuilding the trust you once had for him/her is a factor that depends on you, but will be greatly boosted by your spouse’s actions and commitment to you and the marriage. I will trust God to help give better details on these rebuilding process.
Like I just mentioned, the fact that your spouse will not cheat on you again after you must have forgiven him or her is an issue that you as a person can determine no matter how hard you try. The more you try to be vigilant and monitor his/her movement, the more concealed he/she becomes of their sins. For the unrepentant spouse, they will only learn better ways to conceal the sin than give it up. But when you kneel before the Lord in prayer and hand over your spouse and his/her sins to God, He will not just forgive and wash the sins away, He will replace his heart of stone with a heart of flesh and put a new spirit in him. He will give him reasons to run away from marital unfaithfulness beyond what you can ever imagine. Proverbs 21:1 says “The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.” Also Ezekiel 36:25-27 reads “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of sone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” From this two passages, you understand that to run away from the sins of marital unfaithfulness, you only need to commit your spouse to God and trust the Lord to do a renewal work in his/her life and place him/her on the path of those that please the Lord rather than those that gratify the lust of the flesh. Don't bother to believe that your spouse is remorseful and will change, but rather trust God to change him or her. It is easier and more assuring to trust God to make the necessary changes in the life of your spouse than to trust your spouse to change by their own self effort.
The last thing to consider when dealing to this kind of problem in marriage is the ability to trust your spouse again. But the truth is that you do not need to bother yourself with trying to trust your spouse, it is more reassuring to trust God to change your spouse for you. Jeremiah 17:5-9 reads “5This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. 6He will be like the bush in the wasteland; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives. 7But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. 8He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruits. 9The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?’’ So from what we have read in this passage it is more assuring to trust God even in the matter of your spouse’s faithfulness to you. Trying to trust and believe that they can be faithful by themselves will only open you up to possible disappointment again in the future. For the unrepentant spouse, they only learn better tactics to conceal their extra-marital affairs such that you don't know than giving it up.
It gives you more assuring confidence that you have handed the matter to God and you trust Him to bring about a lasting solution to it. With God working on your behalf, you will see the changes in the life of your spouse that leaves you no doubt that he/she is a new person that is worthy of your love and trust again. But you need to trust God to make a change first than to trust your spouse to change with self effort.
With all that the Lord has help us to know in this message, I am positive that overcoming marital unfaithfulness without divorce or separation is still very much possible. When you are able to forgive your spouse and trust God to make the desired changes in his/her life you are sure of a beautiful marriage and more sure of your spouse’s salvation. Your labour in this regard is never in vain.

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