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Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Husbands and House Chores

Hello beautiful people, how are you doing today, I pray and believe that you are doing wonderfully well to the glory of God. I can smell Christmas and I am excited and believe me, I crave for a holiday with my family so I am really praying to God for financial open heavens. Don’t know what you want for Christmas, but there isn’t anything God cannot do for you as long as it is within His will for your life and you have the faith that make things happen.

My last post seemed a little too serious so I will try to discuss something rather on the silly side again today. So we want to look at the roles the husband have to play in the upkeep of the house; when I say upkeep, I don’t mean financial provisions for the home, but getting down to doing house chores. So what is the Bible saying about men cleaning toilets and washing dishes? Is this a job solely for the wives or should the husbands get their hands duty too in this matter?

I once wrote a post on this same topic and sincerely speaking I haven’t made any new discoveries after that. Looking through the Bible stories, the impression that comes to mind is that the wives were more domesticated than the husbands. The men in the Bible were seen to be hunters, shepherds, fishermen, farmers, carpenters, craftsmen and stuff like these, while the women were more into making of meals, fetching water, cooking, taking care of children, mid-wives, garment making and activities that are generally regarded as feminine. But there is no clear cut instruction in the Bible that restricts the man from doing house chores. At least we know that Isaac asked Esau his first son to cook him a meal for him with which he will bless him and so we see an example of a man cooking in the Bible.

But my argument to this is as follows: God’s instruction to the husbands says, “He should love his wife, be considerate to her and respect her.” If the husband follows this instruction very carefully he’ll understand that the total wellbeing of his wife is his business and so he is mandated to ensure that his wife is well taken care of. If and when your wife is weighed down with too much stress from house chores, I believe it is just proper for a loving husband to help his wife whom he loves unconditionally with the house chores and ease her stress because her wellbeing should be your concern and you can’t claim to truly love your wife and still watch her burdened with the weight of too much house chores to bear.

If as a husband you don’t wish to get involved in house chores, there is no sin in that, but because the wellbeing of your wife is your business, it will be proper for you to get her a helping hand to ease the stress for her in the form of a maid or anything that will reduce the burden of what she has to do in the house. I can tell you for free that you will enjoy your wife more if she is less stressed out with domestic chores. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Why do Wives Cheat?

Good afternoon to all the wonderful children of the living God, those who are fearfully and wonderfully made in the perfect image of the Almighty God; princes and princesses of the heavenly Kingdom. I pray and trust that your day so far has been blessed and you are experiencing divine favor in areas of your life that you least expect. Don’t worry about those things that aren’t looking so good at the moment, the story is not complete without your victorious ending. So just hang in there and keep believing; hang your faith on Jesus because there can be no end without you rejoicing.

A thought came to my mind and I just think it necessary that I share something based on that thought. When we want to talk about infidelity in marriage we often see the wife as the victim and the husband as the accused. But it truth women also cheat on their husbands. We have countless cases of infidelity in marriages where the wife is the accused. So today I want us to have a look at this scenario and just discuss it.

My children were trying to study their Social Studies and they came to me for confirmation of the definition of Polyandry. And my daughter said Mummy, "I believe polyandry means a woman who is married to more than one husband at the same time." Because I know that to be the true definition of the word, I couldn’t help but confirm it to be. But it felt really strange that we will have a woman married to more than one husband at the same time. It really feels good to believe that the woman is the righteous one; the one who never does wrong within the pair; the one who is always cheated on but never cheats. But for a word like Polyandry to exist, it’s because the act that defines that word really does happen.

Now, why will a woman want to cheat on her husband? Why will a woman soil her soul and not just her body? Quite a number of women might say they did it or are doing it because they want to get back at their husbands; some will say they are doing it because their husbands are not satisfying them in bed; some others will do it for money and fame; while some do it for lust. But going through all of these possible reasons, I am yet to come across one reason that is quite good enough a reason to justify this sin.

In as much as I do not stand as a judge in anyone's private matter, but my thought is that does the woman doing this have God in perspective in what she is doing. Is that God’s best option for her? Is her action worth the consequences that accrues to it? These are some of the guiding thoughts that one needs to consider before doing whatever it is one does whether good or bad. And in this case bad.

If a woman decides to go sleep with another man just because her husband is sleeping with another woman then she is just as guilty as her husband – if not more. Two wrongs never make a right. If your husband is doing something wrong and you are God’s ordained help for his life, then how do you intend to help him when you are just as deep in adultery as he is if not more? Can this act of foolish revenge make your husband stop his adulterous lifestyle or it will rather give him a good excuse to kick you out of his life and bring in a strange woman?

With all sense of humility I will say that it is only a lazy woman who has hands but cannot work and has brains but cannot think and has knees but cannot bend them to pray that will stoop low to committing adultery for the sake of money. Luke 5:1-10 tells us the story of how Simon Peter caught two boats full of fish to the point that the boats were beginning to sink just because He obeyed Jesus. David said in Psalm 37:4 that you should delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. So what have you desired in your life that the Lord cannot give you that will make you desecrate yourself and you have to depend on man for? Do you think you are justified before God or it is that God really doesn’t count in this matter?

When you see another man who looks good and has everything working for him, you should consider it a shame on your person if you begin to lust after such a man. Now this is why; this man is probably married to another woman, if yes then a woman just like you has worked hard, prayed hard and supported her husband to become the brand that you see and are falling in lust with. The fact that you see and lust after that man means a woman like you is doing a good job on him for you to be lusting after him. Where is the evidence of your own good work on your husband? Where is the evidence of your prayers, submission and support in the life of your husband? Have you invested so much on your husband that you are not seeing results?

When a woman gives sex as an excuse for cheating on her husband, it is because she has not learned the secret of prayers. A couple of posts back I discussed on what we need to put in place in order to have exciting sex life in our marriage, have you tried your best and added prayers to it. God will not give you to a man in marriage if He cannot make you two compatible with each other on all fronts. Give your best to your husband and pray and you will get the best from him and not another man. And if it is attention and care you need from your husband, just keep giving him the attention you need, pray about it and watch God handle the rest. I have always said, take charge of what you can control and let God handle what cannot control.

Just before I close, I want to just address the men, it is true that you can’t and should not take responsibility for the wrong actions of your wife, but I want to beg you not to give her room to misbehave. When you love and care for your wife like God instructs and expects you to, then you give her less reasons to do what she ought not to do. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.

Monday, 28 November 2016

Prayer, Patience, Persistence

Hello wonderful people of God, it’s another glorious week and another great reason to give thanks to God. It’s not by our understanding, ability or righteousness that has made us to see this day but just the grace of God. That wonderful grace of God has brought us this far, from January till the end of November; that grace has fought the battles of our lives for us and granted us victory over the challenges of our lives. But if you think God has not been fair to you, understand that the fact that you are still alive to think such thought is because of His grace.

So today I want to discuss with us on some very vital ingredients to success in marriage and in fact every area of our lives. In life we face situations and circumstances that are way beyond us; there are spiritual battles of life that we come across that our abilities put together cannot handle and so we need to seek a power superior to ours to fight these battles. But most importantly we need to seek a power that is superior to the power that is confronting us in order to be victorious over these challenges and that is why it is important to prayer.

Every day that we wake and move around is a victory over death for that day because by ourselves we cannot conquer death. We don’t know what the next second holds for us so we need to pray. We are constantly in battle whether we acknowledge it or not.

In the same way in our marriages we need to be in constant prayer over it. Yes we can be submissive as a wife and we can be very loving as a husband but that is the aspect we have control over; what about the aspect we do not have control over? You have control over what you do or do not, but no matter how hard you try, you don’t have control over what your spouse does or does not. And that is where we need to pray. Cod has control over all. He has control over your life and that of your spouse. So what you do to achieve success in marriage is to control that which you have control over, and commit that aspect which you don’t have control over to God. So when I get to speak about what we need to do for a successful marriage, I tell the wife to prayerfully submit to her husband and I tell the husband to prayerfully love his wife. When you obey the word of God and pray, great and positive things happen.

Patience is the time frame of waiting for those things you have prayed for to happen. The time ultimately depends on God, because He is the God that makes all things beautiful in His own time. You don’t lay the foundation for a building today and the entire building is completed the same day; and also you don’t sow a seed in a day and it grows and begins to bear fruit that same day, also a woman does not conceive and give birth all in a day, it takes time. And the manifestation of what you have prayed for takes time to happen, and it is worth waiting for.

Persistence is when you keep sowing the seed of obedience to the word of God and prayer into your marriage as you wait for the manifestation of answered prayers. I hear people say "I can't take it any longer," we find it easy to seek God and hold on to him for our many dreams, desires and aspirations, but we find it really hard to wait on God for the turning around of our marriage which can ultimately lead to the manifestation of our many dreams and aspirations. With a good marriage, two will be working as one and goals are easier to achieve in twos than alone. 

The interesting thing to note in marriage is that persistence does not just bring about the manifestation of answered prayers for success in marriage, persistence also helps you to sustain and retain success in your marriage. You don’t just obey your husband once and pray for him once and believe that’s all you need to sow, and likewise you don't just show love to your wife once and then pray to God and just watch for a magic to happen. You need to keep obeying God’s word for your marriage and keep praying if you wish to see the hand of God move on your behalf.

I have heard a lot of people say “my husband cannot change or my wife can never change.” Well that will be so as long as you have given up on God to bring about the positive change they need and you have given up on obeying the word of God for your marriage and you have given up on praying.

In your waiting time, don’t look at the clock as it ticks; look at Jesus who is bringing about the change that you anticipate. Do away with anxiety and fix your eyes on Jesus, the change you expect will surely come and it will not delay. While waiting, God is also preparing you to be that wonderful wife deserving of a loving husband and that wonderfully loving husband deserving of a good and obedient wife. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.   

Saturday, 26 November 2016

Who is Your Wife to You

Hello graciously blessed children of the Lord, I am so very positive that we are all doing great to the glory of the Living God. I do hope you are having a very restful weekend. We all need that rest if we have to be truthful with ourselves. May the living God bless the works of our hands in Jesus name.

Quite a number of times I have spoken to wives who feel disdained and relegated to the bottom by their husbands. They are so bitter about the non-existence of any form of respect for their person from their husbands; the man they have invested their love in who now shows them no regard in any way. And I can tell you for free that this hurts very deep. If only the man knows who his wife really is to him, I believe he will esteem her more.

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

The major instruction from God to the man concerning his wife is to love her, be considerate as you live with her and respect her. Quite a handful of men have considered the fact that Peter referred to the wife as the weaker partner to mean that she is the brainless one that should be tossed around with no regard in any way for her self-esteem. It’s so bad that some men respect the women they see outside their home far above their own wives. They talk down on their wives as though she was picked up from the gutters. But unfortunately what they don’t know is that what they are doing is disdaining God’s favor for their lives and writing off the only helper that God has provided for them for the fulfillment of their destinies. So these men continue in life with many struggles and ignorantly still take out the frustration of their lives on their wives.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:14
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

If we combine these two passages, what I am getting from it is that when God gives you a prudent wife, He gives you what is good; the fact that you have received a good gift (your wife) from the Lord means you have received God’s favor along with the good gift. So like I always say, your wife is the container in which the Lord has packages His favor for your life. That package is tender yet very delicate. She is so delicate that without her, who is God’s divine helper for your life, the fulfillment of your life’s destiny becomes a struggle.

Peter said you should be considerate with your wife and treat her with respect, so I would want us to take a look at what the dictionary defines respect to mean. Respect, according to the dictionary means: “esteem for or a sense of worth or excellence of person.” But the definition I love the most among the sixteen definitions that I found says “to hold in esteem or honor.” So what Peter is in essence telling the husbands is that “you should hold your wife in esteem and honor, though she is tender yet delicate because she is your partner in success in all your pursuit in life and if you don’t do this, you risk your prayers not been answered.” This is the interpretation that I will give to the Bible verse 1 Peter 3:7.

So after this revelation, I want to ask the men, “Who is your wife to you?” If she is still the glorified housemaid that you have subjected her to be in your life, then you are still not ready to enjoy the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Because your God given destiny helper is that woman you have so comfortably subjected to continuous humiliation such that she is unable to pour out the deposit of God’s treasure for your life that has been divinely packaged in her for you by God.

The times are hard and there should be no room to entertain ignorance in our lives. If you do not know the reason why your struggle is so tough and life seem to be unfair to you, this could be one of the reasons. If you don’t treat the wife of your youth right God is not interested in you, your prayers or even your sacrifices (Malachi 2:13-14). From today as a husband desiring the intervention of God in your life, start by treating your wife right; love her, respect her and ensure her all round joy. Pray fervently and see if your prayers will not be like a sweet smelling aroma in the presence of God. May the Lord bless our homes.

Friday, 25 November 2016

Praying For Your Spouse

Hello God’s special people. How are you doing today, I pray and believe that you are all doing great. Trust that the Lord is keeping you safe under the shadow of His wings because you are the apple of His eyes and your names are inscribed on the palm of His hands. You are so special to Him that He has numbered the all the strands of your hair and not one of them will fall off without His attention; you are that special to God and more, so know for sure that you are finishing this year well in Jesus name. He won’t bring you this far to turn His back on you. Whatever you are going through, tough as it may seem, you are coming out of it victorious.

So today I want to share something simple, I don’t know how to phrase it, so I might just give some description hoping that before I finish I will find a title for it. Because God is faithful He gave me a title even before finishing my sentence. So I will be discussing “Praying for your Spouse.”

I have heard a lot of women speaking to me in tears saying they are tired of praying for their husbands. They have been so hurt by their husbands that they cannot even afford the time to pray for him. And even though I understand the pain they are going through, I know that stopping to pray for their spouse does not solve the problem neither does it take the pains away.

It’s important that as women we keep reminding ourselves that we are in that marriage first because we are on an assignment for God. And concerning that assignment, the Lord will demand an account from us. Now, getting hurt by your husband’s actions does not and should not stop you from praying for him; it should not take your focus away from your assignment as his suitable helper. How do you want to fulfill your assignment in his life when you can’t even pray for him? And how can God change him to become the husband you desire him to be when you have decided to stop praying for him? Can two wrongs arrive at a right?

I once shared a personal story of how God has so used my husband to bless me. It happens almost always that whenever I pray for a need, somehow my husband has a way of making available for me those things that I pray for; so to say that God uses my husband to answer my prayers. It’s not that he doesn’t hurt me sometimes, and we are not so holy that we never get to fight. We are just ordinary couples who have passed through and overcame various marital challenges too. But I try not to allow my emotions get in the way of my responsibility to my husband. I pray for him not because he doesn’t hurt me, but because that is my God given responsibility to him. And because I pray for him, God uses him to bless me.

Genesis 25:21
Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.

Its not just the wives that decides to stop praying for their husbands because they are hurt, the husbands experience that too. You often hear men say, "she is too stubborn she can't change." The husbands also need to pray fervently for their wives; that change you desire in your wife can only be brought about by fervent prayers and love. The Bible tells us that Isaac prayed for his wife and the Lord answered; will God answer the prayers of Isaac over his wife and not answer your own prayer to bring about the changes that you desire in the lives of your wife?

Are there issues about your wife that troubles you and gives you sleepless night? It’s time to turn those issues over to God. The Lord, who heard and answered Isaac, will surely answer you and turn around the situation of your marriage.

There is power in prayers because we serve a loving God who hears and answers our prayers. If we allow emotions of hurt and hate to prevent us from praying for our spouses how different are we from the unbelievers? If we only pray for our spouses when they are good to us and stop praying for them when the tables turn then we really don’t have Christ in us. If we find it hard to pray for our spouses who are suppose to be closest to us because of the wrong they have done to us, how can we pray for our enemies as Christ has instructed us to?

When you desire a change in your spouse, pray for him/her. When he/she prospers you prosper all the more. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Thursday, 24 November 2016

The Effect of Money on Marriage

Good morning wonderful people of God. It’s another wonderful day and another wonderful reason to be grateful to the most high King. The God who has blessed us with His breathe today and made us wake to the see the raising of the sun and enjoy the dawn of a new day. He is the God who has blessed us with His word again today so that our lives and marriages can be more beautiful and fulfilled.

So in today’s post I want us to look at Marriage and Money. It’s a topic that I know has been touched on on this blog, but still there are more to say about it. Money they say is the root of all evil and to say that money has caused deep rift and distrust in many homes is to say the least and anything that is causing a crack in marriages is worth discussing over and over again until we have totally gotten reed of it. Just like the need to continually have immunization programs until the attacking disease is completely eradicated. So we will always have something to talk about until there is a significant increase in the level of successful marriages.

A lot of men are of the opinion that once their wives are wealthier than they are, she automatically stops being submissive to them. Men feel that when a woman becomes rich, she becomes proud and uncontrollable. This ideology has prevented a lot of men from helping their wives grow in enterprise or her endeavor in making wealth.

In some other cases some men get relaxed in fulfilling their financial responsibilities to the home once they know that their wives are financially capable of bearing the burden of the home. So they stop to provide for the home and let their wives do it and some even go to the extent of collecting money from their wives to fulfill their personal lust.

On the other hand quite a handful of wives are of the opinion that the financial responsibility of the home belongs to their husband and they have no part in it, and so whether they are financially buoyant or not their husband must drop the money for all that needs to be done in the home, they really don’t care or want to know whether he has it or not. Whichever way he knows to get money he should, just as long as he is meeting up with all the demands and spends of the family.    

Now, in as much as we know that God said in 1 Timothy 5:8 that if anyone does not provide for his family he has denied the faith and worse than an unbeliever which we have conveniently interpreted to mean if a man does not provide for his family he is worse than an unbeliever, we need to also note that Proverbs 31:12-23 shows us how active a wife of noble character is in meeting the financial needs of her family.

I agree that the man is the head of the home, he should rightly be the head in making finances available to the ones that God has pleased under him to care for, but even the head needs support. He cannot do it alone. The financial needs of the home is the responsibility of the husband with the support and help of his wife.

Whatever you do in life is a seed sown that germinates and produces fruits in multiples of what was sown and that includes taking responsibility for the financial needs of your home. The secret in doing this is that the one who gives gets replenished in multiples of what he/she has given. A husband who takes care of the financial responsibility of his family will surely get replenished and that which he has given will be given back in multiple folds. Jesus said in Luke 6:38 that “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Now this passage does not only apply to giving to Churches and God’s work outside of your home. It includes the giving to meet the needs of your home. So a man who gives to meet the needs of his home will have a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over poured into his lap by God. And this also applies to the wife who has been assigned by God as the suitable helper second in command of the home. She is the neck that holds the head in place, the heartbeat through which the whole body functions well, including the head.

I will say a man who provides for his family is a man who has learned the secreting of prosperity, because God will always pour into his lap in the measure with which he has given. But I thank God because the wisdom of God cannot be measured, His plans for the man cannot be comprehended in any way. God knows that there will be times of dry valleys in the life of the man who is the head, He knows that there will be times when business will go bad and/or the man will lose his job and unable to meet up with his financial responsibilities to his family. He knows that there will be times that though the spirit of the man will be willing to give but his pocket will be dry. And against such times He has provided for him a suitable helper in the wife of his youth, who is talented, equipped and gifted to work and earn income to support with the finances of the home until the man is able to get back on his feet. What a wonderful God we serve.

The husband and his wife are to complement each other in every way and even in financing their home and not compete with one another. A man whose wife is doing great in her endeavor and getting good income should encourage her because she is God’s fall back plan for him when things get slightly unfavorable. She is not his competitor in any way, but God’s back up for him. Also the man should not use his wife’s wealth as an excuse for him to run away from his responsibility as a man, if he does he walk foolishly into the devil's plan of poverty and lack for his life. Remember that it is the measure with which he gives that will be given back to him. If he gives little, he gets a multiple of little, if he gives nothing, he gets a multiple of nothing and if he gives much he gets a multiple of much.

Now for the woman, you have so much wealth and everything working for you not because you are so righteous, but because God is storing up in your account a serve for your family when it is needed. This is not an excuse for you to be proud and look down on your husband. Your wealth has not made you the head of your husband. Rich or poor, the man is still the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. The rules of giving as we have seen in Luke 6:38 applies to you also. The more you give the more you receive. Jesus tells us in Luke 16:10-12 that “Whoever can be trusted with very little will also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Try read the rest up). God has entrusted you with wealth, are you showing Him that you are worthy of that trust? Humiliating your husband with money and pride does not in any way show that God can trust you with very little. And you can imagine what God has in mind when He refers to what you consider much as very little.

I do not in any way mean to say that a wife should take up the responsibility of the breadwinner of the family because she has more money than her husband. The husband still holds the responsibility of the breadwinner of his family as long as he is earning income. But if and when he needs help, you as his wife are the God given helper that has been placed in his life to help him and God has equipped you to play that role sufficiently well, so it depends on you.

I am just praying that the seed of the word of God shared in this place is germinating in the marriages and lives of many people. I pray that the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Lessons On Sex In Marriage

Hello beautiful people of God, I bless God for your lives and the grace to be used by God in bringing about great and positive difference in your homes. We’re getting ready for Christmas and I must confess that I am excited even though I am still trusting God for a relaxing Christmas vacation for me and my family; so I am also praying for open heaven on the finances of my family.

In today’s post I want to be a little silly and talk about sex in marriage. I have done this several times on this blog so I think I am getting more confidence and boldness to speak about sex far more than when I made the first attempt.

There are a lot of beautiful roles or should I say purpose that sex plays in marriage and so it’s just important that we keep talking about it for a healthy marriage. In my post today I will try to highlight some habits that we either need to imbibe or throw away in order to encourage a healthy sex life in our marriage.

  • The first habit you need to imbibe in order to encourage attraction between you and your spouse that would lead to sex is good personal hygiene. I have come to understand and appreciate that a bad body or mouth odor does not encourage sex between couples. Mere sitting close to someone with a bad body or mouth odor tends to repel not to then talk of body contact that would lead to sex. As a man or a woman who desires good sex with his or her spouse, try to put a good effort into your personal hygiene. If your work makes you sweat a lot then ensure you wash your body as soon as you get back home from work. Invest in deodorants, body sprays, and perfumes. Also, ensure that you take care of your breath. If you have a mouth odor and it seems to become embarrassing, try to visit the doctor to make sure there is no infection of any kind. Then invest in mints; mint gums and mint sweets are known to help freshen one's breath. This, as we know, should be added regular brushing of teeth and cleaning of the mouth. And when you are the kind who indulges in alcohol (especially beer), try to kill the stench that comes with its heavy consumption before seeking for seeking from your spouse in case he/she is not one to indulge in alcohol. 
  • I am not sure if I have mentioned this before while writing about sex, but I have not come across any part of the Bible where God prescribed the style of sex approved for married couples. What I have read in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 is that the wife does not have authority over her body but yields it to her husband, and in the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. And that the two should not deprive one another except for mutual consent and just for a time. So I will say this, there is no Biblical restriction to sex between married couples. Married couples can perform any style of sex as long as it is pleasing to both of them and makes them happy. When you are making love with your spouse, always look out for his/her pleasure and satisfaction more than yours. When he/she is enjoying the act that is when it is called lovemaking. This is strictly for married couples, not for those engaged to be married, keep your marriage bed undefiled.
  • Emotions play a vital role for lovemaking to really be lovemaking and be enjoyed between married couples; as a husband, take your time to make your wife happy if you want her to serve you well in bed. And as a wife, take your time to make your husband happy if you want him to yield his body to you.
A lot of people use sex as a punitive measure against their spouse when they feel hurt by their spouse and want to get back at them. This is so very wrong and against God’s instruction for our marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 says the husband should fulfill his marital wife to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. So the act of love making is a duty just like the duty of providing for the family. It is not a duty to be relegated to the bottom of our priority list in marriage. Then each couple should know that you owe sex to your spouse. And it is not a tool of punishment in marriage. The husband does not have authority over his body but yields it to his wife and the wife does not have authority over her body but yields it to her husband. They are both not to deprive one another except for mutual consent which is for a short while. Any action other than this is a sin.

When there is a misunderstanding between married couples and the issue of sex is introduced by any of the two, the proper action to take is to suspend the fight and deal with the urge for sex. Satisfy each other and if you then feel like resuming the fight after you are through, you can go ahead, which I am positive that as Christian that would not be the case.

I sincerely hope we are getting better understanding concerning a lot of hidden and unspoken issues in marriage. In my next post I would be sharing on the issue of money and our marriage. It's another of the important factors of a happy marriage that needs to be discussed repeatedly so that we have a healthy marriage. I trust the Lord to open up His word to us and give us clarity as we make effort to please Him with our marriages.  

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Dealing With a Third Party Situation in Your Marriage

I am so very grateful for the responses I always get from you. I really appreciate you and by the mercy and grace of God, I won’t stop sharing these truths with you as long as the living God inspires me to share.

It’s a beautiful day and a beautiful time and opportunity to share the word of God with you. So in today’s post I want us to consider the reaction that we can possibly have if for any reason we discover or suspect any infidelity in our marriage.

I have heard a lot of women say that that will be the day their marriage ends. I have equally heard a handful of men say they can never go on with such a marriage. Sincerely speaking I believe God Himself understands how hurting such a feeling can be because God in whose imagine and likeness we have been made is a jealous God. As a matter of fact, infidelity in marriage is about the only reason Jesus gave as a near acceptable reason why a man can divorce his wife. But let’s look at it from another angel.

I always try to advice that when you are faced with a situation the first thing to deal with is the emotion arising from the situation before dealing with the situation itself. For whatever problem you have in your marriage, and even in any other area of your life, never deal with the problem in the middle of boiling negative emotions. Because when you do, you might not particularly like the outcome of your reaction to the situation. So it’s always advisable to deal with the emotion first. Suspend your reaction to the problem for as long as it takes for you to deal with the emotions within you first.

With that said I want to go back to the intruder matter; what I am about to write next might seem almost impossible, but hear me out first. Now, when you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, its important not to react because your suspicion might be wrong. No matter what it looks like, it’s important to have a confirmation of your suspicion before jumping into conclusion.

If you have confirmed that what you fear is happening is actually happening, please take as much time you wish to either cry or mourn the betrayal that you feel, you can even ask God why He allowed that to happen to you, but please don’t react. Hold back your anger from reaction to the situation. Don’t fight your spouse, and don’t do anything irrational.

When you are done with the emotions and you are able to think objectively, weigh the options before you. First you can decide you don’t want to continue with the marriage, but before you take that decision, you need to understand that the marriage is not all about you alone. First you are in that marriage because you are on assignment for God, so you need to put that into consideration. Then you need to consider the children in the marriage, is sacrificing the happiness and the need for your children to grow up in a normal home worth the breakup of your marriage in the wake of a betrayal? Then you need to consider yourself, the time and effort and sacrifices you have put into building your home to the point it is at the time of the betrayal. Is all the effort going to waste really worth it? And then lastly you need to understand that once you go for the decision to divorce, God’s verdict is that you are not allowed to marry someone else (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). The option you have left is to reconcile with your spouse.

But there is a side to it that I think is very interesting; it’s the decision to forgive rather than walk away. When you choose to forgive, it’s important to do so prayerfully. You won’t just forgive and hang in their feeling miserable with a chance of a repeat and the probability of being taken for grant by your spouse. But when you choose to forgive, you hand over the situation into the hands of God; you commit your cheating spouse into the hands of God that the Lord will fill him or her with a sense of remorse and a sense of guilt such that he/she will not be willing to return to that sinful act any longer.

You can just imagine that you caught your husband in an affair with another lady and he expects you to react but you don’t. And he tries to push you to just say something but day in and day out you just keep mute over the matter without any word or reaction. You carry on with your life and marriage as if nothing happened; after a while such a man will be consumed with guilt, then with a deep sense of remorse. Without any reaction from your end but you pray rather than act, it won’t be long before the man calls off the affair and put his act together. That singular act of holding your peace rather than fighting back will make you his queen for life. He will never want to hurt your feelings again because he feels grateful to you for the way you handled his misbehavior.

I really understand that things like these are really hard to hold in, but they are not impossible. When you consider the fact that you have labored so hard on your marriage only for an intruder to come steal it away from you, you will be wise enough to keep that which God has blessed you with. But when you are weak with emotions, pray for grace from the Living God to see you through. He is always willing and available to answer when you call and provide for you all that you need when you need them. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.

Monday, 21 November 2016

It’s Time to Change That Mindset 2

It’s a new day and a new week, and its almost the end of the 11th month of the year; God has kept us this far and personally I just want to give all the praise and glory and honor to Him. And again it's a very good feeling to share something valuable on this blog and impact your marriage in a positive way. I thank God for His word and I pray that our lives, marriages and home will please God and give us all round peace. I have come to discover that when a man and his wife are at peace with each other and I mean genuine peace and not pretense, there is prosperity in such a home. I plead with you to try it out and get back to me on your personal experience on this piece of experiment. Let your husband win all the arguments if you are the wife, and let your wife win all the arguments if you are the husband. First there will be peace in your home and then you will begin to discover that prosperity is creeping little by little. Just do away with your will to be right and see what happens next.

In my last post I promised to deliver the part B of the changing mindset post; one that speaks to the men. There are areas of marriage norm and culture that we have lived with and used as a yardstick to measure the performance of our spouses, but when these traditional norms are not giving us the desired result, then its important to change our mindset and measure the performance of our marriage based on different set of values.

Below are some areas where the men need to change their mindset when it comes to their marriage. Please just give these new values a good consideration, hopefully we will have better marital experiences with them.

  • Your wife is your suitable helper; she is God’s assigned helper for your life that enables you succeed exceedingly. It’s like a man on assignment and he needs tools to succeed on that assignment. Without these tools he will fail woefully. Now what God has done for you as a man is to package all that you need for success in your assignment for God and all other areas of your life and put them all in the wife He has given to you as your suitable helper. So Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Your wife is that container in which the Lord has package all that you need to succeed in life; she is the favor of God in your life in the form of a person. Rather than disdain and maltreat her, you better start handling her with care and love.
  • The secret to unleashing your God given deposit packaged inside your wife is by loving her. Do you desire that your wife be all that you want her to be and more? Try loving her unconditionally and you will be surprised at the extent to which she would pour herself out for you. It is often said that women have the capacity to multiply whatever you give to them so if you desire to reap the best qualities from your wife, then give her your best and it will be returned to you in multiple fold.
  • Maltreating your wife is a very wrong approach to handling the mistakes your wife does or the things you perceive not right about her. When you maltreat your wife, you stand the risk of having your prayers not answered by God (Malachi 2:13-14 and 1 Peter 3:7). When you maltreat your wife, you mishandle God's favor for your life. If you then do that, is it possible to go back to God for another gift? Obviously not. If you really need the favor of God in your life, then begin by taking good care of the container of favor that God has blessed you with - the wife of your youth. The best way to right the wrong in the life of your wife is to love her. God requires unconditional love from you to your wife and so when your wife does anything that displeases you, correct her in love and go the extra mile, pray for her. Pray and don’t stop praying until you see the desired changes in the life of your wife. 
In a nutshell, when you change your approach from seeing your wife as that woman who should just bear you children and rear them for you, cook your meals and be quiet when you speak and you form an habit of showing unconditional love and care for her, then you have the best woman in the world as your wife. If you desire to be the king of your home and in the life of your wife, then you should begin by making your wife the queen of your life. It’s just that simple. 

Saturday, 19 November 2016

It’s Time to Change that Mindset

Good afternoon wonderful people of God I trust that we are enjoying our weekend. I was almost not sharing anything today being a weekend, but I after speaking with a friend I felt the need to share a word.

Quite a number of people are falling into depression to the point of developing psychiatric problems owing to issues in their marriages; some people have become suicidal as a result of problems in their marriages and a handful of some have opted for the divorce option as a means of escape from marriage problems. Now, does it have to get so bad? Marriage is a very beautiful thing but I am sensing that the number of people who feel fulfilled in their marital experience is far less than those who don’t. Some walk out of the marriage when they have exhausted their endurance threshold, while some stay for fear of shame or thought of where they would possibly go when they leave and the thought of starting life all over again.

We then get to wonder how God would fold His hands and watch our marriages degenerate to this level or is this what God had in mind when He instituted marriage at the beginning?

I have experienced God so well in my marriage to know and appreciate those words when God said in Jeremiah 29:11 that “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So if this is the mind of God for us, then we need to begin to search Him out for better marital experience. In Jeremiah 33:3 God says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” And that’s just want we will do in today’s post.

I titled today’s post “It’s Time to Change that Mindset,” because I believe that if we dear to change our approach towards some issues in our marriage we will get better results. When you do something in a particular way and you are not getting the desired result, it’s just simply wise to change approach and so I will list some of the things we need to change our mindset on in marriage.

  • As a wife, never expect your husband to be perfect. As a matter of fact it is because he isn’t perfect and he needs help that God placed you in his life as his suitable helper or helpmeet. Accept him for his many shortfalls and pray for him always.
  • As a wife, never try to change your spouse because you can’t and never will in self-effort. When you see traits in him that are not right, pray about it and allow God make the change for you. You will only get frustrated and depressed trying to change your spouse. You call it helping him, he calls it dominating and controlling. Always be reminded that your husband’s character is beyond your control, his spending habit, talking habit, eating habit, choice of friends, his relationship with others are all outside of your control. So take care of the things that are within your control and leave those things which are out of your control. It is within your control to fulfill your God given assignment in his life do that with all diligence seeking God’s approval and anticipating God’s reward. When you do this, the Lord will do for you what you cannot do for yourself because nothing is outside of His control and He alone can right the wrongs in the life of your husband and put your love back into him and he will love you beyond what you ever imagined. Remember Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

  • When you are in a troubled marriage, expect very little from your spouse. Remove your expectations from your husband and place them on God. Have this approach: It is God who assigned you as a helper into your husband’s life and it is from Him that you should expect a reward for work done. Don’t whine if you don’t get gifts like you should from your husband, a time will come that you will have abundance of gifts; by the time God is turning the situation around in your favor. Don’t hold it against your husband if he is not yet treating you like he should, the Lord who sent you on assignment in his life will equip you with all that you need to succeed. Know the Lord who is your God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your husband is not fulfilling his responsibility as a husband by providing for his family, that is his problem and not yours. Malachi 2:13-14 and 1 Peter 3:7 says he risk his prayers not being answered by God, but as for you, you will never lack anything good because you put your hope in God. The Lord will always find a way to meet all your needs, if not through your husband; He has a million other ways to do that. But be rest assured that your needs will always be meet as long as you remain in Christ Jesus. Never let your husband’s action make you lose focus of God in your life or your assignment as a wife.
  • In a troubled marriage, your husband will always say things or do thing that will hurt your feelings. But your husband’s actions and words will only affect you to the extent to which you let it. You can go on and reminisce or even meditate on your husband’s wrong doings and get depressed by them or you can choose you block it out of your thoughts. So in short your husband’s actions and words affect you to the extent to which you allow it. When you keep going over it again and again the end result is depression. But when you see him as a man needing help and you have been placed in his life by God to help him, you will pray for him more rather whine over his actions or inactions, noting that it is for that purpose that God made you his wife and God expects that you help rather than get hurt by his actions. Always keep it at the for front of your mind that whatever you do for your husband you do in obedience to the word of God and when you obey God’s word you receive God’s reward.

I so strongly believe that if we can re-orientate ourselves with these values then we will be having more happy and focused women in marriage that can face the challenges of their marriage headlong and still come out victorious. Depression and suicide thought over marital issues will be on the decline. And the beauty of it all is that at the end of the day our husbands will love us more than we imagined because we let God do the work for us that we could not do by ourselves.

Yes I have the men in mind too; by the special grace of God, in my next post we will deal with changing mindset for the men. So please just keep your fingers crossed, it’s going to be a very interesting one too. 

Friday, 18 November 2016

Feeling Neglected? 4

Hello people how are you doing? I trust the Lord that we are all doing great and we give all glory to God.

So today we continue in our Bible research on how to earn the love and attention of our spouses. I pray that the Lord has spoken to your hearts from the previous lessons we have learned and He will still speak to our hearts as we continue to learn.

Quite a number of times, I marvel at the insight of God; in truth we cannot match the wisdom of God in any way and when God tells the husbands that they should love their wives just in the manner in which Christ loves the church He sure knows what He is talking about.

As a woman, I can tell you for free that there is no better way to earn a woman’s attention, love, devotion, respect and even submission than to prayerfully love her. I will always add the word prayerfully because it's actually not your self-effort love that makes your wife the wife you desire or want her to be, but rather it is God who makes that woman the perfect woman for your life through the love that you show to her in obedience to God’s instruction for your life as a husband.

Ephesians 5:25-29 states God’s instruction to the husbands and begins with: 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” When a man loves his wife because of what she has to offer, then the wife’s self-services becomes the reward of his love and the moment the wife changes in character the love ends because that which is fueling his love for her has gone dry.

But when a man loves his wife, not just because of the self-service that he derives from her but as a man obeying the command and instructions of God for his life as a husband, then come what may, he won’t stop loving his wife. Even when the wife misbehaves, the husband is quick to forgive her despite the hurt he feels. This unconditional love has the capability of filling the wife with guilt and make her come into repentance over her wrong actions and is also quick to seek forgiveness. This is when you hear people say that the marriage has been tried and tested but it is still standing because the fuel of love in the life of the husband in not found in the good deeds and actions of his wife, but is found in God.

When you have a wife that you need to win her love and attention, love her unconditional and let that unconditional love that springs from the your will to obey the command of God in your life as a husband compel you to pray for her. When you continue to pray and love her, it’s just a matter of time for her to become the virtuous woman that you seek in her, knowing that it’s not just your love that will change her life, but that it is God working in her and bringing about the changes you seek in her working through your love for her.

And so we round up this four part series on winning the attention and love of your spouse. By the special grace of God, the next post is something to look forward to. Until then, stay blessed.