I just enjoy writing about marriage, the mere joy of being able to bless a life and heal a home through what I share inspired by the Spirit of God through His word is food for my soul. So I write and again I pray that lives are blessed and homes are healed to the glory of the living God.
A couple of days I got a message from someone who had been trying to reconcile a ‘about to be broken’ marriage. The message didn’t furnish me with specifics of what went wrong in the marriage just that the wife has made up her mind to end the marriage and will not entertain any attempt to dissuade her from doing what she has made up her mind to do. The person who sent me the message is of the thought that the husband’s adultery is the root cause of the problem.
On another occasion I was having a friendly conversation with a lady I met at my neighbor’s house and she said and I quote, “I can never allow my husband make-love to me again if I ever find out he is sleeping with another woman.” And my response to her is that it goes beyond what she is saying. It is better imagined than experienced. In such a case as that, to talk is much more easier than to experience.
If we take an honest survey of one million marriages, I am so convinced that 80% if not the entire 100% have had to tackle betrayal at some point in their marriage. And a good number of that betrayal will have to do with infidelity, adultery. Then we can have other forms of betrayal in areas of money, family relations, children upkeep etc. So when the betrayal happens what next? What should be the reaction of the one who is betrayed in the interest of her personal emotions and the good of the relationship? This is the question that I trust God to help us answer through this blog post.
It is often said that once trust is lost it can never be regained. In as much as I will not fight or contest that saying, we can then conclude based on this saying that trust is lost forever in this world. If we can’t live without trust as human beings then I will tell you for free that trust lost can be regained if the will to do so is available. But I have discovered a better way to handle the issue of betrayal/trust in my everyday life including my marriage and it has works wonders for me and it’s guaranteeing me peace of mind and the grace to deal positively with the people around me in spite of whatever it is they do to me or do not do to me.
The book of Jeremiah 10:5-10, tell us how to handle the issue of trust in any situation. It says, cursed is the one who trusts in man and depends on flesh for strength, and then went on to say that blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. Now what this passage has done for me is that it has helped me to trust God to direct the heart of those who I am supposed to trust to do that which they should do that will help me handle them with the respect that I should.
Now in as much as we do not want to own up to this fact, people will betray us sometimes. Those in whom we have invested our trust will backstab us; those so close and dear to us will exhibit selfishness at some point and will do those things that we least expect them to do; those things that will hurt us badly. Your husband will betray your trust in him and your wife will engage in activities that will disappoint you to the marrow of your bones. It is just natural. A man whose strength depends on the trust he has in the man or woman next to him is a cursed man as the Bible has revealed to us in Jeremiah 17:5.
What this revelation what is the next step? First, the fact that the Bible says cursed is the one who trust in man and depends on flesh for his strength does not translate to you suspecting everyone you see of wrong doing or see everyone around you as a potential backstabber; please don’t get me wrong. But the revelation of God’s word here is to enable us handle our emotions right. It is supposed to help us understand that no matter how much a person loves you, they are still prone to being used by the devil to get at you. Even the Bible says let him to stand take heed lest he falls.
Your husband might betray you, your wife might take you for granted and make mincemeat of your love and sacrifice for her, yet that does not necessarily translate to the fact that he/she does not love you. It only tells you that they are human and they can fall at any time. But more than what they have done to you, your own reaction to the issue is what is important to you. God will not judge you or condemn you for being betrayed, but the way you react to the betrayal is what God will hold you responsible for and so it is important that you don’t make spontaneous moves and react without thinking properly of the consequences of your reaction. Two wrongs never arrive at a right.
Like I said earlier, I have found a better way to handle the issue of trust in my everyday life such that I can live positively with people around me and not have to keep looking at my back to watch out for possible backstabbers. That way is Jesus Christ. Like Paul said, I believe that Jesus is able to take care of everything that I entrust in His hands. So rather than trust people to the point of them being able to betray me and turn me into an emotional wreck, I trust God instead. I search for the word of God over every situation and I apply it. And I am confident that God will come through.
For example, if I am thinking that my husband could be making friends with a woman in a manner that I am uncomfortable with (though this just an illustration, it is not the situation in my marriage), I pray. I know my husband is susceptible to falling if care in not taken, but I am positive that God is not susceptible to fall. And God is available to wade into the brewing friendship before it get into something that can’t be handled. So with God I am sure my husband will not betray me, not that by himself he can’t or he won’t but because I have put my trust in God over my marriage, He will not make that happen for me. So I trust God to watch over my husband and prevent him from doing that which will affect the love I have for him. So I trust my husband through my trust in God.
In Genesis 20:7, we will see God displaying what I am trying to get across in this message. God told Abimelech that it was He the Lord who prevented Abimelech from going near Sarah even after he had taken her as his wife, because Sarah was the wife of a prophet. If God would prevent Abimelech from going near Sarah then He will also prevent adulterous women from coming near my husband because I put my trust in Him.
Now this is a better approach because it is only God that can and prevent any occurrence of evil that can cause an indelible scare on your marriage forever. If you apply this approach in your everyday life like I am doing then you will enjoy unending peace like a river as God as promised. So can you trust someone who has once betrayed you again? For me the answer is yes; not because you know they won’t repeat the act given the same scenario, but because you put your trust in God who is able to prevent it from happening again.
God expects you to hold on tenaciously to your marriage and in doing so He has made Himself available to you to supply you with the strength and grace to carry on if only you will call on Him and not try to handle your situations by yourself with your limited wisdom. For those who have been betrayed by loved ones, it’s time to shake of the emotional hurt, embrace forgiveness, look up to God for a refreshing and make a bold and new beginning. Yes, you can do it.
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