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Tuesday, 28 February 2017

I Cheated on my Wife and She is the Cause

I am thanking God for another month ending on a praise note. With the gift of live comes also the gift of hope. So as long as we are still breathing God is not finished with us yet.

So tonight I will share another story and a very interesting one too. I pray that this story does not just bless us with information, but with lessons that will help us be better spouses in our marriage to the glory of God.

The Story
A wonderful young wife discovered after several years of waiting on God for the fruit of the womb that she cannot conceive due to some medical issues that has affected her womb. This devastated her a great deal but for whatever reason she chose not to share this with her husband of several years. Rather than open up to her husband, she concealed the information and recoiled to herself and became a zombie wife literarily. She would not communicate with her husband and always had several reasons and excuses to avoid sex with him. Though she became close to God, yet estranged from her husband. 
The husband on his part noticed the drastic change in his wife and several entreaties to make her open up on what was wrong with her fell on deaf ears. Soon they became two complete strangers living under the same roof with absolutely no attachment between them. And months after, the husband stopped eating at home and the wife just didn’t mind, yet she will cook his food and the husband will not eat and she won’t even persuade him to.
With days running into months and no light seem to be at the end of the tunnel of their marriage, the husband began an extra marital affair. Though he loved his wife very much and would want to know what was eating her up, yet he needed a companion; he needed to be loved too. So there was this lady offering herself to him effortlessly and even with his initial rejection, she wouldn't give up and there is his wife on whom he is hocked but who seem not to bother about his feeling at all. So he succumbed to pressure and started an affair with this lady and got all the attention he needed, but still his love remained with his wife.
On this faithful night the wife was out of the home on an outing they were supposed to be attending together but which the husband missed out on carelessly. Noting that he had hurt his wife’s feelings by not attending the function with her, he decided to impress her by cleaning the house in a manner he knew would impress her. In the course of his cleaning he discovered his wife’s medical report, read the doctor's diagnosis and then realized why she had been estranged from him for close to a year. Rather than get angry, he felt relieved that finally he knows what the big issue was.
On the wife’s return he sat her down and asked her why she kept such vital and sensitive information from him. It was a matter that concerns them both and it was a mutual problem that he should have been a part of from the onset. He made his wife realize that he didn’t marry her just for babies and there is still a God who make impossible possible. That night they made up and the husband began his search for a cure or any possible solutions to his wife’s ailment. He searched on the internet to know more on the diagnosis of his wife and it became more of his problem than that of his wife.
But there remains the outside mistress. Now that the internal problem between the husband and the wife has been resolved; the husband arranged a final meeting with the outside mistress to dissolve the relationship between them. But the mistress will hear nothing of such. She is now threatening to reveal their affair to the wife and later came up with pregnancy report stating that she is pregnant for the husband.
The dilemma in this story is that the husband does not want any shocks on his marriage again. He is scared to open up to his wife about his sins (his extra marital affair) to his wife knowing fully well that she will not be so forgiving. He is also aware that before he got married to his wife, she once had her heart broken by a guy she dated and that affected her health a great deal, so he is scared what effect this revelation might have on her. Now he does not know what to do.

My Take on This Story
In as much as I feel like excusing this husband for cheating on his wife, I will say that it’s unacceptable. Yes, he loves his wife and has tried so hard to understand the cause of the rift in their marriage and make amends, yet this story didn’t indicate that he prayed and fasted for God’s intervention in his dying marriage of which he didn’t even know its disease. Rather than pray he feel prey of the vultures in the desert waiting for a lifeless marriage to feast on.
Coming to the wife, I am still finding it hard to comprehend why she kept such information from her husband and then choose to react negatively to him instead. Was she blaming him for her predicament or was she trying to push him away? I still don’t get it. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one and if one should fall his friend will lift him up. In all of her going to church and serving God, didn’t she learn this? I understand that fear of the unknown and not being able to determine what the husband’s reaction can be might make her hold up such a thing to herself for some time, but that should not be for too long, and she should not have sent her husband packing out of her emotional life for a thing that isn’t his fault.
But after all said and done, the first solution to the matter at hand is for both of them to go back to God in prayer. Forgive each other on misjudgment they have made and sins committed. The husband needs to prayer and seek God as he makes up his mind to approach his wife. We learned in Proverbs 21:1 that the hearts of kings and princes are in the hands of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. So the Lord will direct the heart of your wife to forgive you when you have pray to God about this situation. You then take the next important step of telling your wife about your sins yourself. Trust me, it safer she hears from you in a sober mood and with a repentant presentation than for her to hear it from someone else. When you quickly cross that huddle you can face the major task ahead which is the diagnosis of the doctors on your wife's fertility.

I strongly believe in the recovery of this marriage and I pray that the enemy will not have room to steal their joy again. 

Monday, 27 February 2017

Answering a Question on Submission

Hello people, its another week, and another fruitful and satisfactory week it will be for us in Jesus name. I want to address a question from a friend on today’s post and pray that it will make loads of meaning in the lives of those who read it.

Her Question:
Hello Derin dear, may grace be on the increase in your life daily. Please, I would like you to give an insight on marital submission in the home. Does the command to wives to submit to their husbands in all things mean the wives should be doormat to their husbands or dumb? Does it mean a wife should earn salary and give it to her husband?

In order to have clarity on this issue, we need to go back to those Bible scriptures were the command to submit are found and try to really understand what it is all about. Even though we have gone over this several times, we will continue to go over it until proper clarity is achieved.

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 

So we will look at this command bit by bit and understand the mind of God on this issue of submission. And the very first thing I want the wives to understand is that it is not the husband that requested for the submission that you are giving, but God; it is not your husband that gave the command to submit, but God. And obedience to God’s word is what we are considering now. There is no point affiliating yourself to Christ or calling yourself a child of God when you cannot obey His word because you have concluded within you that such a command does not make sense to you or it does not suit you. Just like God commands us not to tell lies, and not to cheat, and not to murder and to honor our father and mother, and to keep the Sabbath day holy, so also did God command us wives to submit to our husbands as to the Lord. If you can hold all the other laws and commands of God sacrosanct, so also should you hold the submission law sacrosanct.
When you faithfully obey God and do His will and commands for your life, then you can be sure that He (the Lord) will faithfully grant you the desires of your heart because He is a faithful God who keeps His promises. Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” So when you obey God in your marital life by submitting to your husband as God has commanded you to do, He will grant you the desires of your heart by blessing you with a beautifully joyful marriage.
The problem with a lot of wives is that they focus more on their husbands when it comes to the issue of submission in marriage rather than focusing on God as though it's their husbands they are accountable to in this matter. They then hold on to the negative attitude of their husbands as an excuse to disobey the word of God. It's not your husband that you will give account to when it comes to obedience to the word of God; you are accountable to God. And for these wives, when things are not working well in their homes, they either claim that God is unfair or take the law into their hands in some cases and walk out of the marriage forgetting that the answer to prayers for a loving marriage resides in their obedience to God’s word.
Paul said in Romans 12:19 that “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.’” It is only an ignorant husband that will turn his wife into a doormat, because any wrong done against you will be avenged by God if you are patient enough to let God’s process take its course in your situation. 1 Peter 3:7 and Malachi 2:16 tells us that a husband who does not treat his wife properly risk his prayers not answered by God. Now in your own understanding, can any man escape the wrath of God? If your husband wrongs you, he will pay for whatever he has done against you and if you disobey God’s word by not submitting to your husband, then you are an offender yourself and you will be rewarded accordingly.
Another problem that wives have is that rather than obey their husbands to a point where such husband is drawn to God in full repentance, they harbor hatred for him. They curse their husbands in their minds and with their mouths, yet they want God’s intervention in a case where they are just as guilty as the husband. And then we wonder how God will judge such a matter without the two being punished.

Romans 12:14, 17-18, 21
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

If God will give you this command concerning those who are just meant to be your neighbors with no peculiar attachment between you and them, then how much more will God require a double effort from you when it comes to your husband? Remember 1 Peter 3:1-2 says that it is through the purity and reverence of your life that springs from your submission to your husband that your unbelieving husband will be won over to God. So your submission to your husband is a tool in the hands of God to bring to repentance and holiness your unbelieving husband. If your husband is the only soul you win for Jesus through your submissive lifestyle, I am confident that God will reward you richly.
On the issue of submitting your income, I will say this: If God should ask for your money and you can give Him willingly; then if your husband should ask for your income/money, you should not hold back. The instruction from the Lord says submit to your husband as to the Lord.
If your husband did not ask for your income, please keep your money to yourself and spend it as you wish because you worked for it. But if he demands it of you, the word of God says submit to your husband in everything.
When you are a Christian and you are aligned with God and obeying His words, your words are law, because you will declare a thing and it will come to pass. This is a powerful weapon that is useful in your marriage. When you are doing the will of God, you will command peace, joy, love and abundance into your marriage and you will see it manifest. When you declare increase in the life of your husband and you serve a God who fulfills the words of your mouth, then you can be sure of increase in the life of your husband that will make your own income be like peanuts to him; he will have more than enough that he won’t need your income not to talk of demanding of it.

I believe this post has revealed a lot to us, enough to help a lot of troubled marriages and I pray that the Lord will heal many homes and joy, peace and love will return into many marriages in Jesus name.  

Friday, 24 February 2017

My Pains in Marriage

So we continue in our review of some true life stories, and I pray that we are learning valuable lessons from them to the glory of God.

I am not the first wife married to my husband. I met and married him as a widower taking care of three children all by himself. We began a relationship and I loved this man and cared for his children like my own. After a couple of months into the relationship I discovered that I was pregnant and we got engaged. The pregnancy fast-tracked our relationship and we got married. I have endured a lot in my marriage to this man but the big issue is that I don’t feel loved by him, neither does he show any respect for my person as his wife. It’s quite frustrating when you are invisible to the man to whom you should matter the most.
Another issue of contention between us is that I have only two children of my own for him and I want more children. Every attempt to talk him into us having more children falls on deaf hears. He just doesn’t want to hear any talk about more children and believe me I want more than two children in my life. I can tell you for free that its just a thin line holding this marriage together. This is not what I bargained for in marriage.

I am yet to see someone who says she got it all together in marriage without a single hitch. There are a lot to endure, a lot to learn, a lot to give and a lot to sacrifice to get to the point of rest in marriage. The first question I would love to ask is: what have you invested in that marriage so far, and what are you praying to God for in your marriage? There are a lot of times that what we are praying for will only happen when we re-engineer our actions and do what we should do, the way we should do them.  
The simple tricks to earning the respect of your husband are as follows:
1)      Reduce your dependence on him. Read Proverbs 31:10-31 and learn the values of a wife of noble character and you will learn about how industrious an entrepreneur a wife of noble character is. Then she is full of wisdom and kindness and on accord of her, her husband is respected at the city gate. When you reduce your dependence on your husband, he stops to see you as a burden or liability and he'll appreciate your contributions to his life more. 
2)      The second secret to earning your husband’s respect is to submit to him. The word of God says wives should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. If everything else fails, the word of God never fails. When you prayerfully submit to your husband, you obey God's word for your life and obeying God's word results in God taking everything that concerns you more seriously.
3)      Refuse to be a nagging wife. When things are not going the way you want them to go in your marriage, pray about it well rather than take laws into your own hands or fight your own battles. Whatever you commit into the hands of God you should know that He is faithful to handle it perfectly in the perfect timing. Also it is the Lord who holds the heart of your husband in His hands, and He can direct it as He pleases (Proverb 26:1). He has the ability to direct your husband's heart to favor you when your ways are pleasing to Him. Always understand that you cannot make your husband do anything outside his will; any attempt to force anything on your husband will be met with a resistance which mostly results in fights
4)  Don’t let emotions blur your sense of reasoning in marriage. You need to be wise, understanding and objective. Your way might not be the ideal or best way so be ready to listen and do things the way your husband wants it done when the pendulum doesn’t swing in your direction.
5)   And lastly, show respect to your husband. Whatever you want from him, give him that. Respect in life is earned and not forced, so you can’t compel your husband to respect you when you have not first respected him.
And on the issue of having more children, I choose to reason with your husband and my reason is this: You have two children, but your husband has five children; three from his late wife and two from you. So while you see two children, he sees five. And in this economy that we are all trying to survive in, having to financially support five children where he has to feed them, shelter them, cloth them and pay for their education and give them all round best that a father can give, you will agree that five is more than enough.
You have embraced the three children your husband had before you married him as your own, so continue to embrace and love them as your own. See yourself also as a mother of five and not just two because it’s not just the biological mother that can mother children. A care giver whose has loved and cared for children as her own is also a mother to those children in her own capacity. So the work you have done in the lives of your stepchildren and the quality seed you have sown in their lives qualifies you as a mother to them and that settles it.
So I pray that the Lord will honor you and bless your home in Jesus Mighty name.  

Thursday, 23 February 2017

I am Caught Between My Mother and My Husband

Its another story time and I am just enjoying this few days of learning from other people’s experiences. That's what's called wisdom. These stories are shared for us to learn from; they are true life stories that we can relate to so we don’t wait to make our own mistakes. So today we share another story.

I have been married for about 15months and my husband can’t seem to make love to me because he can’t seem to get it up. I love him and I don’t want to leave him. We have been managing this situation between us but then my mum called me one day expressing concern over the fact that I'm not pregnant yet and it's been over a year that I got married. In tears I confided in her and told her the challenge in my marriage. And lo and behold the issue was blown out of proportion with my husband’s parents invited into the situation. My husband tried explaining to my mum that he is more worried and concerned about his predicament as he is looking forward to starting his own family more than my mother is looking forward to having another grandchild. But my mum would not hear any of such explanations. She has forced me out of my marriage against my will and I just don’t know how to handle this? I am caught between my mother who does not see any reason why I should remain married to a man who cannot give me a child and my husband that I love dearly.

Honestly my heart goes out to you as I'm almost in tears as I pen down a response to this issue. But first, where are your praying knees? You have not mentioned anything about prayers. Have you prayed to God to know your purpose in that marriage and in the life of that husband of yours? Do you know whether its for this problem that the Lord made you a wife and a suitable helper to this man; that you might be the answer to the prayer that he has been seeking the face of God for? Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives the favor of God.” Why would you allow your mother remove you from under the authority of the head that the Lord has placed over your life and from the assignment that the Lord has handed over to you?
In as much as I appreciate the enormity of the problem at hand, I also appreciate the Mightiness of God who is able to solve all problems and I do not appreciate you being a wimp who would allow her mother interfere with her marriage. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” So where is the place of your mother in your marriage equation based on God's design that she should come and pull you out of your marriage? I still can’t seem to understand this.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says “Two are better than one, because they will have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” Based on this scripture, you have just shown that you are not a friend to be relied on not to talk of being a wife to depend on by your actions of allowing your mother interfere in the affairs of your home. You are a wife who has left her husband on the floor rather than help him up when he needs you the most. Permit me for being hard.
As far as I know the only humane thing for you to do is to go back to your husband and hold his hands through the storm of his life. You are his suitable helper, assigned to him by God to help him in every area where he needs help. Now is the time for you to fulfill God’s calling upon your life in the life of your husband. Do not let anyone (not even your mother) make you fail God in this. You are not accountable to your mother in the matters of your marriage, you are accountable to God. 

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

It's Hard to Forgive But Forgiveness is the Best Way to Go

In yesterday’s post, I shared a real life story and I believe it was helpful to so many people with challenges in their marriages. So today, I will share another real life story and I pray it will make an impact in your marriages and homes in Jesus name.

I got married to this lovely young lady; prior to our marriage, in the course of our courtship, I noticed some unacceptable behavioral traits in her and confided in my parents about my observations. At that point of making my discoveries I wanted to call-off the engagement but my mother talked me out of it. She knew my wife’s mother well, and knew her to be a responsible woman. Her thought then was that since her mother was a responsible and respected woman in the society the daughter will not be too bad a wife. She convinced me that everybody had a past and so I can’t condemn my fiancĂ©e based on her past. We had several prayers sessions concerning my choice of wife before I finally agreed to proceed with the wedding. But lo and behold my fears were confirmed a couple of months after our wedding when I discovered my wife was having extra-marital affairs. This broke my heart and I could not help but take it out on my mother who convinced me to marry her. I presented my parents with the various undeniable evidences that I had gathered concerning my wife's adulterous lifestyle, and called the marriage quit. I have since relocated to start a new life elsewhere waiting for the divorce proceedings to take its course. This time around I will look well before I jump into any marriage. And I will ensure that I listen to my inner mind and not allow anyone convince me otherwise.

To say that I understand your anger is to put it mildly, but I thank God that you mentioned the phrase sessions of prayers before the wedding took place and your marriage finalized. The fact that you prayed makes all the difference, and if the Lord knew that He was unable to repair and redeem that situation, He would definitely prevent the marriage from taking place.
I am sure you have read about the story of Hosea in the Bible; this tells you that there is nothing new under the sun and the fact that Hosea married an unfaithful wife didn’t mean the marriage was doomed. As a matter of fact God was in it from the beginning. He instructed Hosea to go take an unfaithful woman as his wife and he loved her still. Would you dare to go back to God in prayer to ask Him to intervene in this matter like the story shared in the last post? Would you dare to pray and ask the Lord to take the wheels of this situation off your hands and direct the course of your life and marriage the best way He alone can?
If you get a divorce like you are already trying to, you are justified; but then the fact still remains that you cannot take another wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11); you are allowed a divorce on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness by the standard of God, but by that same standard of God you have to remain single for the rest of your life or be reconciled to your wife.
Please let your anger burn, but not for too long. And don’t let that anger burn so high that it makes you lose consciousness of God and His will for your life. Don’t let that anger burn to the point that you will lose all the God given favor that is residing in the life of your wife for you. She holds some treasures in her life that belongs to you; God put those treasures there for your life and I beg you not to let the devil rob you clean of God’s treasure due to your anger against your wife.
Prayer for grace to forgive, pray for her to change her ways and be all that God has called her to be in your life and pray that God will open your spirit eye to see the good in your wife outside of her shortfalls. God is still in the business of answering prayers. Love her to repentance and watch God make her into all that He has called her to be in your life.
You are hurting, I know, and it takes great grace to walk through this period in your life, but with God all things are possible. His grace is available for you if you are willing to embrace it. That marriage will rise again in Jesus name. 

Monday, 20 February 2017

How She Erased Infidelity from Her Marriage for Good

I want to welcome you all to another week and I bless God because I am positive that it will be a very productive week in Jesus name.

I am not sure if I have shared this story before, but I wish to share it again. And if this is the first time of it coming on this blog, I am positive this story will bless a soul and heal a marriage in Jesus name.

There is this lady who had been married for over 10yrs, and her marriage had been characterized by various challenges from very frequent quarrels and arguments to absolute lack of love in the marriage. On face value, everyone who sees these couples will conclude that all was well between them, but within them it was just a very thin line that held the marriage together. It was a marriage of no trust, no love, no care, no respect and every good thing that makes a beautiful home was lacking in this one. But of all the problems that had overwhelmed this marriage, the big of them all was infidelity. The husband had transferred all the love he should have invested in his wife and children on strange women outside his marriage.

He would smile and play with strange women, exchange love messages to them, care for their feelings and well-being, but for his wife, it was constant war. Nothing she did seemed good enough and whenever she complained, it was another round of insults and quarrels.

In the middle of all her marital woes, this wife developed a relationship with God and she began to pray. She also resolved to reading and her Bible and in no time began to unfold the secret to a successful marriage. She learned to submit to her husband; and you will agree with me that submission to a husband who loves and cares for you is quite easy, but when you have to submit to a husband who disdains you, it’s a very big challenge. She literarily had to depend on God to help her through with submitting to her mean husband.

Her marriage began to improve as she continued to lean on God to submit to her husband. She had to learn submission for about two years before her marriage started having the slightest feel of a normal marriage. But there still remained the issue of strange women in the life of her husband which she dears not mention or the peace that had begun to find its way into her marriage would fade away again. So in tears she began to pray.

Anytime she had an argument with her husband over the issue of the strange women in his life and her husband responded harshly she would cry to God. And on one occasion she had argued with her husband over the issue of a particular female friend of his of which she felt the friendship between him and the lady was a little closer than normal. After her husband left the house, she laid on her bed and again began to cry and pray. On this one occasion the Lord visited her and promised her that, that will be the last time she would ever have to cry over the infidelity of her husband.

Soon after that, she noticed that her husband was always home early and was becoming very loving towards her and their children. He wouldn’t honor his friend’s invitation for hang-outs and he would always just want to be close to his wife. The wife found this strange but she was enjoying what her marriage was turning out to be. She had totally forgotten about her prayers to God of months back and even forgotten God’s promise to her. All she knew was that her husband loved her much more than before, and she was enjoying every bit of it.

Then one night her husband made a confession to her that he had a one-fight sex affair with a woman he met for the first time several months ago. Strangely though, the wife was not offended, neither was she troubled. She simply asked her husband if he wore a protective rubber while at it and when he answered in the affirmative, she also asked if he was still seeing the lady after the one-night event and he responded that he never saw the lady again after that night. That was all that was said on the issue and the both them continued their marriage as though nothing ever happened.

The calmness of the wife over this confession initially made the husband sober and scared. He had expected a worse reaction but when he waited a couple of days and no issue was raised on the matter again by the wife, that made him love and respect her the more. And gradually the husband began to adore his wife; everyday was a new and beautiful day in their marriage.

After months, the husband called the wife and told her he had more confessions to make. Still the wife was calm and asked what it was. The husband told her he didn’t reveal the whole truth in his first confession and that in truth the rubber he wore in the course of the intercourse busted and it was as though he didn’t use any protection.

Still being calm, the wife asked if the lady in question was pregnant for him, but he responded to the negative and said he had not seen or heard from her since the incident happened. It was then that the wife realized that her husband was afraid that he might have contacted some deadly diseases from his one night show and the fear of the possibility of that had made him stay away from strange women. For months the husband could not bring himself to go for a medical check-up for fear of what the result would be and still the wife loved him like nothing ever happened. The thought of the possibility of dying had humbled him and made him change from his wayward ways.

After a while the husband went for a comprehensive medical check-up and was given a clean bill. But that served as a lesson for him and ever since then he was faithful to his wife alone. The calmness and support this wife gave to her husband during the period of his self-torture from his wayward life style made him love and respect her like he had never before. And since then he adored his wife like he should. 

One afternoon, while the wife was cleaning the house, she heard the voice of God speak to her reminding her of God’s promise to erase infidelity in her marriage for good. She laughed within her and praised God knowing that there was nothing she did or could have done that would have made her husband change from his sinful ways safe of God’s intervention. It was only God that could put the fear of sin of adultery in his life and sustain it there. Today their marriage is at peace and there is so much love between them like it had never existed before.

I would say that it takes great grace to do what this wife did and endure what she endured. But God’s grace is available to us all if we are willing to hand our issues over to God and leave it dear. God will not just solve the problem, He will also will also give you the calmness of spirit to sustain you while He takes care of the issue. It’s just like having the doctor administer anesthetics on a patient to calm the patient and ease the pain while he carries out a surgery on the patient to cure an ailment. This is what God is all about when we let Him take care of our issues for us. It always does not have to end in a divorce and your marriage was never designed to break. It just needs you to connect with God and it will all be sorted out if you'll let go and let God. 

I just love stories like this, and I hope you have learned from it. 

Saturday, 18 February 2017

She is Really Angry

Hello beautiful people, I believe we all had a great week and looking forward to a restful weekend and by the special grace of God we will all have a beautiful weekend to the glory of God.

So we will be looking at a real life issue on marriage, a story that I believe we will be able to learn a thing or two from. This is a story that is just as real as you and I and so we can relate to it.

I have been married for about 5yrs, and it has been a mixed experience for me. I won’t say that I am a happily married woman, but at least I have a good job as a hairdresser and that keeps me busy and distracted from my marriage issues. I spend the large chunk of my time in my hairdressing salon and I am there with my children so that keeps me from the misery of my husband coming home late or not paying attention to me as his wife. But what I won’t tolerate is my husband relegating his financial responsibility to me because he thinks I have money to bear the burden. He won’t pay the children’s school fees because he knows that if he doesn't, I will pay up the fees to avoid embarrassment, and now he is avoiding paying for the remaining part of the required school wears for the children because he feels also that I will pay it. I have reminded him on the demand from the school to get the prescribed school uniform for the children on the set days that they need to wear these uniforms but he just keeps avoiding that discussion with the mindset that over time I will go and pay for those school wears for the children to avoid embarrassment as it's always the case. We have quarreled severally on this attitude of his but he just won't change. But on this particular school wear issue I have made up my mind that I won’t pay for the remaining set of uniforms for the children and will continue to wear the wrong set of uniforms for them to school unless their father does his responsibility and buy it for them. My husband works and makes money and I have no idea what he uses his money for if he can’t even take care of his own children’s need.

I thank God that in His design for human kind every child has two parents. This is to ensure that the child has all the adequate care that he/she needs. So if a parent is failing in his/her responsibility, the other parent can fill in. In all, the child should have adequate care and support till he/she stops to be a child. Although I do not excuse what your husband is doing by not providing for his family, but two wrongs has never been known to make a right. And when you get to give God the report of your stewardship here on earth, your husband is not a good enough excuse for failing.

If you are not making enough or you genuinely don’t have to give for the upkeep of your children, that will be another issue entirely. But God who is mindful of your situation, and knows what lies ahead of you, has provided a way of escape by giving you work to do and enabling you to earn good income to sustain you while He handles the situation of your husband so that you don’t live in lack. What message are you then sending to God if you insist that you won’t take care of the needs of your children because it is your husband’s responsibility and you shouldn’t be the one handling his responsibility for him? Have you considered the fact that it could be that it’s because you have become the burden bearer in the home that the Lord is blessing you and prospering the works of your hands.

Deuteronomy 8:18 says, it is the Lord who gives us the ability to make wealth; it’s not your power nor your ability that has helped you this far, so honor God with what He has blessed your life with and take care of the children He has kept under your watch to care for without waiting on any one to do what God has blessed you to do. Your children do not have to suffer for the sins of their father.

The hard truth in this matter is that there is no amount of rebellion and fight that can make your husband own up to his responsibility as the breadwinner of his family unless the Lord touches his heart to do what he is suppose to do. Trying to force your husband to perform his responsibility might only destroy the peace of your marriage. If you have complained about his negligence to the financial needs of the home and he has not made any effort to adjust, then more complain will not make him change. If you’ve applied an approach and it has not yielded the desired result, then change your approach.

Since you have spoken to your husband and nothing has change, then cease to speak to him on the issue anymore and go on your knees. Fight this battle on your knees in prayers to God. Proverbs 26:2 says the heart of kings and princes are in the hands of the Lord, and like a water course He directs them as He wishes, this includes the heart of your husband. So what you can’t do, God can do and so please let Him.

The secret about this is that when your husband abandons his responsibility, then he is risking the fact that God will stop listening to his prayers (Malachi 2:13-14); and when God stops to hear his prayers, it’s just a matter of time for things to starts falling apart for him and I am sure you are not looking forward to that. The Bible says a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. And then we can ask ourselves, what has God got to do with an unbeliever; the prayers of a sinner is an abomination to God.

But when you join your husband in abandoning your responsibility of caring for your children, you are also as guilty as your husband. So you should not be surprised when God stops to listen to your prayers too. But by the special grace of God, the Lord will uphold you to do what is right before Him always in Jesus name. 

Thursday, 16 February 2017

What Kind of Love do Your Have?

Judges 16:4-5
Some time later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah. The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, “See if you can lure him into showing you the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so that we may tie him up and subdue him. Each one of us will give you eleven thousand shekels of silver.

The story of Samson and Delilah is a well-known story that does not need much introduction or analysis. Unlike what I always thought, Samson was not married to Delilah, he just loved her but the outcome of that illicit love brought about his undoing as a hero.

I have mentioned several times on this blog that though love is essential in every marriage union, but there is something that precedes love and that prayers and divine consultation with God before letting loose your love for anyone.

Just as love can be sweet, it can also be soar if and when it is awakened when it is not desired. It was love without God that made Milcah to be easily used by her father as a snare in the life of David to her own disadvantage. It was love that led Joseph to labor 14yrs for a thief, an idolater and a jealous woman as wife (Rachael) just because she was beautiful. And in the case of Samson it is also this same love that caused Samson to loose his glory and power. And all these examples are of love without God.

The right kind of love is the one that God makes happen; that kind of love that exist between Isaac and Rebekah and the kind of love that you find between Ruth and Boaz or that one that existed between Queen Esther and King Vashti, and I can go on citing examples of the kind of love with God’s hands on this.

So it’s important that you ask yourself; what is the kind of love that you are holding unto? Is it the kind of love with God at the center of it all, or is it the kind of love that was awakened when it is not desired, with self and lust as the center of it? If you don’t have God in the center of your love, then invite Him into it today if you are married before that love without God becomes the greatest mistake of your life. And if you are not married but in love, please put that love on hold and seek God first. Do this and you can be sure that the love He puts in your life will last forever because it is  from God. 

What is God's Purpose for Your Marriage

I wish to thank everyone for your messages of love and comments on my wedding anniversary post, I felt so honored and loved. Valentine’s day couldn’t have been better. You made my day and I say a very big AMEN to all the prayers. I receive them with joy and look forward to joyous celebrations with you too in Jesus name.

We will continue to search the word of God for insights on how to get our marriages to the next level. No matter how good your marriage is at the moment, it can always get better because the best is yet to come for you.

So we will be taking a look at the marriages of Samson. In truth I typed marriages, as we know from the Bible that Delilah was not the only wife that Samson married; and you will also discover that the Lord allowed Samson marry a Philistine. This is very unlike God allowing an Israelite marry from outside their own people.

Judges 14:1-4
Samson went down to Timnah and saw a young Philistine woman. When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.”
His father and mother replied, “Isn’t there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?
But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me. She’s the right one for me.” (His parents did not know that this was from the Lord, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel.)  

One thing I am almost too sure of is that a lot of people don’t even know the purpose of God for their marriage. All they know is that they are in love and they get married. Now if you don’t know the purpose of God for your marriage, how can you fulfill purpose with your marriage. When you don’t fulfill purpose with your marriage it becomes a miserable venture and there is nothing to look forward to in that marriage; no set goals to achieve. It's most likely going to be a continuous circle day in day out and after a while you get bored and want out.

Earlier I had mentioned that it was strange for God to allow an Israelite marry outside of his own people, but in this case Samson wasn’t just any Israelite, he was a Nazirite to the Lord. He was one set apart for God right from his mother’s womb and now he is going to marry an uncircumcised Philistine. No wonder his parents raised objections initially and save of his insistence I believe his parents will not consent to the union.

But what seem strange in the whole issue is that Samson’s decision was from the Lord and it was not just from the Lord alone, it was for a purpose. I am not sure if Samson knew that it was God pulling him in that direction for a purpose, but in truth he achieved the purpose for what the Lord intended to use that union to accomplish. Indeed he dealt a blow on the Philistines.

Another marriage that appeared strange to me, is the marriage of Hosea in the book of Hosea chapter 1. There the Lord asked Hosea to take an adulterous wife. Was God being mean to have requested this of Hosea? Definitely not; but this marriage was for a purpose. It was for an illustration of the love of God for the children of Israel. And indeed that marriage served it’s purpose.

A number of people miss it in marriage just because they don’t know the purpose why God put them in that marriage. Know today that your marriage is not solely for you. There is a mission for you to accomplish for God in that home and with that union. There is an assignment for you in the life of the person you are living with. Your marriage will be most fulfilled when you know God’s purpose for your marriage and run with it.

I asked God that big question of what He wanted of me in my marriage and what He wanted to accomplish with my marriage, when my marriage was in trouble and I wondered why the Lord will let me remain in that miserable dungeon called marriage. Today I know my purpose in marriage. Today I know that my marriage is not just for me but for as many as those whom the Lord leads to read what I write on this blog. How can I encourage others in marriage and tell them that with God everything will be fine, when my own marriage cannot model what I preach? So I am here as Mrs. Obasa in this marriage, not just for me, but also for you who read this always. And I am enjoying every bit of my marital life now. No divorce, no walking away; same man, same husband, same marriage but far better result because now I am doing it God’s way and not my way.

It’s time for you too to discover what the Lord intends to achieve with your marriage. It might not be the same as mine, but I believe it will be a glorious purpose. And when you run with that purpose you will have a fulfilled marriage that you will forever bless God for.

May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.  

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Be My Val

In today’s post I want to please seek your permission and crave your indulgence to do something different from my regular posting. Today is my 13th wedding anniversary and I really bless God for seeing me through thus far. It’s been a journey of learning and as much as I have learned I have shared with the people God on this platform through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Today I want to launch on this platform the work I have been doing for God which are the books I have written through the inspiration of God. The Lord has helped me reach people in various parts of the world with His word through this platform, and there is no way I can gather all these people together in one room to introduce the work the Lord has achieved through me to them. So by the grace of God, I am launching the journey that started sometime in 2008 and which I have worked with God passionately to achieve on this platform. There are four of the books that are being launched today and I will introduce the rest on a later date.

My journey into writing for the Lord began in 2008. I lost my job in June 2005 and that began for me a journey that brought me to my knees. It was the most trying period of my life. My financial life was dead, my marriage was in trouble and everything that could possibly go wrong in my life went wrong. Every attempt to make income was a failure. In frustration I ran to God; I prayed and prayed and still nothing changed. Not even my marriage looked like it would stand the test of time. At that point in my life I contemplated suicide. And then looking at my little children and knowing the fact that suicide would not get me to heaven I dropped the idea. I told God that if I won’t get a job for a human, then I can at least work for Him, I had faith in God and I understood that the remuneration would be better than working for man.

From where I can’t explain or understand I developed interest in writing. First it started as a hobby and something to while away time with, and then it grew into writing to address issues that I felt wasn’t right in my environment and one of such issues was marriage. I became very close to my Bible and read it at every opportunity I  had. The word of God and obeying the instructions of God for my life with the help of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God alone healed my marriage. But the issue of finances was still pending.

As I began to walk with God and work for God my story began to change. I still do not earn income but I can tell you that the Lord has been more than good to me. Some of the products of work done for God are the books that I am launching on this platform now. These are books that have blessed my life personally and a few people who have had the chance of reading them have given the same feedback that they have been greatly blessed by them.

Because this is an online book launch and we are unable to have guests who have read the books come up to give a word of what they have enjoyed in the books, you have the blog posts that you have been reading to give you a glimpse of what the books can possibly contain. Below is just a little something about each book that is launched and all the links from which you can purchase copies.

The book "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement" was written to bring people's attention back to God's initial plan and purpose for marriage. It's is a book that opens up our minds to God's established rules for marriage and helps us understand why God came up with these rules. In it you will understand and appreciate the rules and have clear knowledge of it application. When you know the rules and apply the rules, no force from the gates of hell can hold your marriage bound from prospering. This is a book that looks into every area of our marital life and how to make the best of it. It also contains real life issues that you can learn from. With this book you can be guaranteed of a beautiful marital experience if you hold on to God to follow His rules for your marriage. It's a 170pages book in easy to read bold print format that would make it's mark in your life for good. 
So today I want you to please pray on this book for me, bless it and launch it for me by purchasing copies from the online stores with links provided below. Get copies for your friends and families and tell as many people about it as you can. If God has used me to impact your life, then make my day by getting copies of this book for you and your loved ones. 

Gleanings from the Throne of God was my very first assignment for God. It's a collection of ten life-changing short books in one book. From the very first page of this book to the last, there is something for you to hold on to and be blessed by. The Lord used me to write this book in the depth of great challenges in my life and writing this book was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. It was the revelation of God in my life that what I was going through was a challenge with an expiry date. Everyone who has had a chance of reading this book has given the feedback of blessings. 
In this book you will discover the secret of giving thanks in all circumstances and the power of praising God even when all is not well. You will appreciate the dangers of worry and why you need to re-engineer your pursuit in life. And yes, it reveals to us that there is nobody and nothing that God cannot use, so don't write yourself off. And strangely enough, you will learn about the advantages of suffering. Yes you read right, there is something valuable about suffering and that you will discover in this book. 
So there is a lot to look forward to in the book "Gleanings From The Throne of God," and its also to be launched by you today. It's a large print book with 171pages. So please pray on this book, bless it and launch it by purchasing copies from the links provided below. May the Lord bless you ever so richly as you uphold me in doing what pleases the Lord. 

Psalm 127:3-5 says, Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate." This passage is so very true when you have taken your time to train your children in the way of the Lord. Just like children can be a blessing, so also can they be a curse and which ever way it's going to be, it's all up to you. Prophet Eli was a prophet of the Lord but he ended his life with a curse, not because he sinned against God, but because he didn't train his children right. 
We are in the evil days and the society is filled with products from our homes as parents. If the society is not working as it should then it's because you are not parenting as you should. When we seek the Kingdom of God here on earth as we always ask in the Lord's prayers (Matthew 6:9-13), then we should put our action into what our mouth professes. It's not up to God to bring His Kingdom here on earth because He Kingdom is already everywhere; it's up to us to live the Kingdom of God here on earth and teach our children to do the same. 
"Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring" is another book that I present to you for launching today. I crave your prayers on this book and I pray you bless it for me. I will also appreciate that you launch this book for me by purchasing copies of it from the links below. Don't just get copies for yourself, get for your friends and loved ones too. May the Lord bless you as you uphold me in doing what pleases the Lord. 

Sometimes the only link between us and our breakthrough is knowledge. When God's said my people perish for lack of knowledge, He sure knows what He is talking about. Although in Jeremiah 33:3 the Lord says, "Call on me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know," but do we really call on Him? And if we do, what do we ask Him to reveal to us? When you read the book Stressless Toil, you will discover that there is a seed of greatness locked down inside of you. It's not just the discovery of this seed that is important, but how to nurture this seed to grow is also important in order not to kill the seed of greatness in you. Ears have not heard and eyes are yet to see what the Lord has stored up in you and for you. When you seek God truly, you will find Him and when you obey and follow His instructions for your life you will live in abundance even in the midst of scarcity. 
And so I present the book "Stressless Toil" to you and yet another labor fulfilled in the vineyard of God. I seek your prayers and blessings on this book and I will appreciate that you launch this book by purchasing copies of the book from the links provided below. And may the Lord bless you ever so abundantly in Jesus name. 

I really wish to thank you for taking the time to go through this post and launch these books for me. May the Almighty God do great things in your life that you will always look back and bless Him for. May He honor you and yours as you have honored me today and bless all that you lay your hands to do in Jesus mighty name. 

Tomorrow we will continue with our regular post and by the grace of God we will live a continuous life of blessings. I crave your indulgence to have this books displayed on the blog or somewhere on the posts shared, may be once or twice a week so that those who wish to make purchases after today can access the links easily. God bless you all richly. Do have a fabulous Valentine celebration. 

Monday, 13 February 2017

The Rights of the First Wife

It’s a new week and a new reason to thank God. My last post triggered a thought in me which I want to share on today’s post. 

In a lot of countries in the western world, polygamy is not allowed by law. So a man cannot marry two wives at the same time. But my country Nigeria is a multi-religion country and because other religions that exist here permit multiple wives, there is no law prohibiting multiple marriages in one. And because there is no law prohibiting polygamy, even Christians are found in the mix. So today I will be sharing on the "Rights of the First Wife."

The fact that we have found a handful of polygamous marriages in the Bible, some so-called Christians have rested on that fact to bound themselves with the chains of polygamy and all the troubles and challenges that accompanies it. 

It’s important to understand and appreciate the fact that if a man's wife dies and he marries another wife, that is not polygamy and the new wife is the only wife in the marriage so there is no right of first wife at play in this situation. This is different from a divorce situation and its different from a polygamous setting. But if your husband married another wife while you are still alive, I am sure this is for you and I will encourage that you read this. 

Genesis 16 tells us the story of how Abraham became a polygamist when he took his wife’s maid servant and got her pregnant in the quest to have a child and so she became maid/wife by default. But in Genesis 17 God visited Abraham with a deep message which says, “Walk before me and be blameless.” These first few lines of God to Abraham are very deep in meaning, but that is not the focus for today. 

Genesis 17:15-22 carries my message for today’s post. In the course of God’s conversation with Abraham He mentioned Sarah and the promise of a child to her. Even in a good old age of 90yrs, Sarah will still give birth to the promise of God to Abraham fulfilled in flesh; she will give birth to a son to be named Isaac. As far as Abraham was concerned, Ishmael was good enough a son to be a bona fide blessing carrier, but that is not so with God. This is because a covenant child must come from a covenant wife. Sarah is the wife of Abraham’s youth, she is the favor bearer in the life of Abraham and as such she is the one to give birth to God’s favor in the life of Abraham. God said in Genesis 17:20-21 that sure He will answer Abraham’s request and bless Ishmael, but as for the establishment of His covenant with Abraham was concerned, that will only happen through Sarah. This tells us how detailed God can be with the issue of His laws. It wasn’t just about bringing His covenant to pass in the life of Abraham, but the channel of making it happen also mattered to God.

Genesis 29:15-35 tells us the story of how Jacob married two wives outside of his will. He loved and worked for Rachael, but he was handed Leah. If only Jacob had prayed, he might have understood why God let that happen, but silly Jacob was blinded by love and so he labored additional 7yrs for love not worth it. But one thing that didn’t pass my eye in that story is found in Genesis 29:31, and it reads, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachael was barren.” Did you notice the rights of the first wife playing out in this story too? The first wife who was the wife of Jacob’s youth was the wife favored by God. She was the one the Lord chose to open her womb. Could this be mere coincidence or it's God speaking to our hearts through these occurrences?

Malachi 2:13-14 which I always love to make reference to says, “Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth.” From this passage God is not acting as a witness between the man and his wife, because there is the possibility of the man having many wives. But God is acting as a witness between the man and the wife of his youth; that very first wife that God blessed him with and gave him to marry, love and care for. 

If you are indeed the wife of your husband’s youth I congratulate you so very much. You might not be the one loved by your husband, but you are the one recognized by God. It is in you that God packaged all of the favor of your husband’s life (Proverbs 18:22). This is the right of the first wife being displayed here. 

I don’t mean to talk down on those outside of this category who happen to fall with the second wife category. We are all created by God and despite our shortfalls, challenges and circumstances surrounding our marital situation, we all are and will always be blessed by God. But from what we are discovering in the Bible there is a special accolade being given to the wife of his youth. There is a special recognition by God being bestowed on the wife of his youth; those who fall within the first wife category, and that is what this post is showing to us. 

Are you a wife of his youth and you feel like giving up and throwing in the towel just because your husband does not love you but loves another, understand that you are the one God reckons with as your husband's wife; you are the one God is favoring as your husband's wife; it is your seed that bear God’s covenant to your husband; you are God’s choice and He loves. The moment you give up on that marriage, the moment you give up on your husband, that is the moment you give up God’s best for you; that is the moment you give up your rights as the first wife, the wife of his youth. 

If you dear to persevere, you will dance like Sarah danced and those who laughed at you and said you were a fool for staying in that bondage called marriage, will rejoice with you and wish they were you. Those who mocked you will marvel at what God will make happen in your life and marriage. Remember, after all that Leah suffered, she eventually became the only wife after the death of Rachael. She had the last laugh. That and more is your testimony when you hold on to God’s love and fight on your knees for what God has blessed your life with which is your marriage.