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Thursday, 8 November 2018

Is He Truly Irresponsible

In today's post, I want us to take a second look at the definition of irresponsibility in a husband. Quite a handful of wives have had to carry the burdens of their marriages all alone and when I say burdens, I mean the financial burdens of their marriages with little or no contribution from their husbands. But there is a twist to this accusation that I want us wives to take a second look at. Could it be that we are the cause of the irresponsibility that we accuse our husbands of? Sometimes it's important we tell ourselves the truth. 
A typical example is the story of this lady who has a very good job and like every mother wants the best for her children. You know the idea that your children must go to high-end schools and the need to create a standard for yourself and your family. Well the truth is creating a standard isn’t bad at all, but the financial implications of that must be put in proper perspective and agreed upon by the husband and wife who are one people.
Now, this lady wants her children in a particular kind of school in line with the standard of living she wants to create for herself and family. The husband on the hand thinks the school fees are too high and he can’t sustain the payment. The wife insists on taking the children to the school of her choice and the husband looks on without complaining or contributing to the payment of the humongous school fees. It’s not a matter of paying what he can afford, but that he totally refused to make any payment to such a school. Now can one then say such a husband is irresponsible?
In as much as I do not want to make a case unnecessarily for irresponsibility in husbands but in truth there are two sides to a coin. About 8years ago, we wanted to change school for our children and going by my own opinion I felt we should enroll them in a high standard school. I did my primary education in one of the best and one of the most expensive schools in Lagos at that time and I wanted the same for my children. I carried on the notion that the educational foundation of our children was very important as all other things would build on it.
I wasn’t wrong, but could we afford my dream school for our children. My husband sat me down and told me his budget for school fees. I was heartbroken, but I obeyed, and he shopped for a cheaper school than I wanted for our children. In fact, when people asked me which school my children were going to and I mentioned it, I still would need to add a brief explanation to that name stating that it was a new school (well that was the truth) just they don't look down on us. But what people thought or felt really doesn't matter. Whichever way the end justifies the means.  
But my children graduated from their school successfully and were able to match up with children from the high paying schools. Now they are in big schools and their father can afford it all the same. I didn’t regret the fact that I had to step down my dreams for my children at that time to be in line with the size of their father’s pocket to fund.
On the other hand, I know a lady who wants to enroll her children in a tertiary institution. Based on the combined income of both her and her husband, she felt sending their two children to a private university would be a cost too high for them to bear given the fact that they had a third child in school, and there are other bills to pay. But her husband insisted that he wanted his children in a private university. Everything this lady did to persuade him against such a decision fell on deaf ears and it was beginning to cause a problem between them.
All she was trying to do was to avoid a situation where her husband would demand that she contributes to the high school cost of the children. She asked me for advice on the matter and the fact that the children also were already getting excited about going to a private university and were beginning to see their mum as their enemy of progress.
When we spoke, I advised her to follow her husband’s lead, document all the cost of the school’s enrollment of the children other than just school fees, and present to her husband, so he has a clear understanding of the total cost of his decision without making any attempt to augment the payment. She should let him know if they need to buy a new set of clothing and the cost, the cost of feeding and transportation and any other cost as they may arise.
I am not sure if she did as I advised, but I know today that the children have been enrolled into a private university and she told me that her husband is really pleased with her that she didn’t go against his wish. She said her husband treats her like they are just getting married for the first time.
I have presented 3 different case scenarios in this write-up, they are real-life practical cases. For the wives who succumbed to the will of their spouses even though they differed in opinion, have ended up with better results. Their marriages are intact and the education of their children is not in any compromised at the end of the day. As a matter of fact, my children who attended a primary school not so expensive are able to compete well and match up with students who attended expensive primary schools. And when we could put them in a more expensive secondary school we did. Ensuring that we get value for our money.
Again, I repeat that I am not making a case for lazy men, but don’t call a man irresponsible when you stretch him beyond his limits just because you want to set an unrealistic standard in order to create an impression within your circle of friends and associates. You might just be sacrificing the peace and joy of your marriage in order to please or feel-among with people who care very little about you. You can’t call a man irresponsible when you make him do things he is certain he cannot afford or want to make him set a standard of living he knows within him he cannot sustain.
A handful of women have destroyed their own marriages with their own hands for vain reasons. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1 that “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” When your husband grows to be irresponsible, there is the needs to cross-examine yourself to be sure you are not part of the reasons he has become irresponsible. Don’t exert undue pressure on your marriage for reasons that are vain and not rational, it’s a cost too high to pay for vainglory.

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

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