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Saturday, 24 February 2018

When the Trusted Wife Stabs her Husband at the Back Like this What Can He Do

A good number of people have concluded on the woes of marriage, a lot of people if not 99% of married couples have one negative story or the other to tell about their marriage. The unfortunate thing about it all is that a sizable number of humans have assumed that they can handle marital issues based on logic, human wisdom, and self-confidence. The marital situation as it is today has shown that by ourselves as humans without the help and intervention of God we cannot pull through with a successful marriage. There is nothing you know to do that can guarantee a successful marriage outside the guidance of the Spirit of God.
By the help of the Spirit of God, this blog has helped restore love and joy in the marriages of many through the revelation of the truth of the word of God and still yet many have complained about how unpractical the things preached here are. But from the testimony of many who are willing to try it out and trust God, their stories have changed for the better.
Today I want to share the story that I came across on one of my social media platforms and even though I know that some of this social media stories might not true and can be a figment of someone imagination just to create traffic to their platforms, I know that for these stories to exist in someone's mind, there is the possibility for it to exist in reality. More so I have heard marriage counselors talk about handling difficult marriage cases such as those read on social media platforms, and so its important not to throw these stories in the bin as though they never can happen. We will take one of those sensational marriage stories in today’s post and try to learn from it.  
A man in his fifties is said to be married with four children and the ages of his children are between 20-13. So to say that they are not toddlers. One of this man’s children was critically ill and needed a blood transfusion. On testing, the doctors discovered that neither parents have the same blood group with the child and so they could not donate blood to the ailing child. However, one of the child’s siblings was found as a suitable match and was able to donate the required blood, but this raised a suspicion with the doctor who found it strange that neither parents had the same blood group with their child. Medically it is assumed that a child must possess similar body chemistry with at least one of the parents.
The doctor handling the case of the child invited the father and explained some possibilities to him, he questioned the paternity of the child and advised the man to take his children for a DNA paternity test. The husband discussed with his wife about what the doctor had told him and she talked the situation down calling the doctor all sort of names. Eventually, this man took the doctor’s advice and took his four children for a paternity test only to discover that all four children are not biologically fathered by him. He challenged his wife with the result of the DNA test carried out but the wife is yet to own up to the true biological father of the children she had deceitfully claimed to be her husband’s children.
There was a very interesting debate on this issue on one of the social media platform that I belong to and various postulations where made and a lot of banters were thrown as to how wicked women can be, some other people assumed the wife might have done what she did in good fate, probably to save her husband from shame and disgrace. But I want to discuss this here in the most objective manner that we all can learn from.
If the man in question takes a divorce on account of the gruesomeness of what his wife had done to him, I believe God will not judge him wrong. Even Jesus gave infidelity as a reason for a man to divorce his wife and vice versa. Then the question of him having to remain unmarried is then going to play out. But the very sad truth is that the wife didn’t just harm their marriage, she harmed her husband’s ability to trust again.
I am writing this not to apportion blame because in truth no excuse justifies the wrong done by this wife. But I write this for us to learn as much lesson about marriage as we can. This is a marriage that seems beyond repair as it may seem but not with God. There is no point in a man’s life and situation that you invite God into your situation and God does not show up. He alone is able to turn the mess of our lives into a message and bring testimonies out of challenging situations.
It’s such a hard decision for a man who has found himself in a situation such as this, but the slimmest of all chances is what I will pray that a man in this situation takes. I will advise a man in a place like this to mourn, weep if possible; he needs to grieve for his loss and after all said and done, he needs to do what God would do in this circumstance; he needs to forgive. He needs to develop the mind of Christ and forgive. Not because his wife deserves it but because he is doing so to please God. This is not an advice for a normal man, but for extraordinary men who in the secret of their lives are heroes recognized and rewarded only by God.
If there is no contention from the biological father, he has a choice to continue to father these children and continue to love them like his own. He had loved them like his as long as they have lived anyway so he can continue to love them anyway. Forgiveness is hard but it is doable, I pray a man in this situation will let God be in the center of his reaction to the situation.
But for the wife, I am yet to understand the reason a woman would have four children outside of wedlock and claim them to be her husband’s children. Even if it was proven that the man was unable to medically father children, he had the right to make his own decision on how he would go about that problem. And then it not unheard of that a man who could not bear children later got healed and was able to father children. There is also the medical approach to solve cases of infertility outside the sin of adultery and deceit.
One lesson that I want us to take away from this story is that communication in marriage is very important. Lies and deceit kill marriages faster than violence and abuse in marriage. Never build the joy and happiness of your marriage on lies and deceit because no matter how long it takes the bubble will eventually burst and the truth will be revealed and the harm will be grievous. Far worse than what was protected by the lies.

Another lesson for me is to never try to solve big challenges with small minds, it will always be inadequate. When you are faced with huge problems you need a huge God to see you through it. If this wife had trusted God the infertility challenge in her marriage, she will not be faced with the problem she has created for herself and her husband. Whatever problem you have in your marriage, let it be a problem for the husband and the wife, not the husband alone or the wife alone. That is why God stated that it was not good for the man to be alone. Let there be no communication gap in your marriage. The secrets of today might be the problem of tomorrow. 

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Make Your Husband More Responsible for the Needs of His Family

I once had a chat with a lady who has been married for twenty-five years. She raised all her children with her hard earned resources. The Lord blessed her with a very good job and even though she is the wife, she doubles as the breadwinner of the family. And if you are wondering if her husband is alive and well, the answer is a very big YES.
This situation has so eaten this woman up to the point that she has actually lost all the love she has for her husband but she is still in the marriage because she does not believe in divorce and she is a good Christian. She has discussed the issue with her husband on several occasions but it hasn’t yielded any result. So she is making effort to maintain peace in the marriage at the expense of her personal happiness and still maintain the role of the breadwinner of the family.
Personally, I believe this marriage will heal, and the situation of this marriage will improve and the husband will be the man God has designed and assigned him to be again in every area in which he is meant to be head over his family. But there are many cases like it, and I have shared stories like this before on this blog more than once. So how do we get our husbands to be the breadwinner of the family as the Lord ordained it to be (1 Timothy 5:8).
It very natural that a person gets laid back when he/she finds an easy alternative to a difficult task or he/she finds help on a huge task that he/she should have done. Take for example a wife who has a maid, she will not bother about house chores like toilet cleaning and sweeping when she knows she has someone who can take care of that task for her. Some wives even get relaxed on other tasks such as cooking and personal care of the children.
I do not mean to talk-down on wives, I am a wife also and so I understand the pressure we go through and in truth, we need all the help we can get. But as an illustration, I want us to understand that this is how it applies to the husbands too. Once your husband knows that you are financially capable of taking care of the needs of the family he relaxes on his responsibility with the conclusion that at least his wife can take care of things. It starts as a gradual help in picking up bills when the husband is financially down until it becomes the norm in the home. And because we wives are built such that we cannot see things go wrong in the home and not care, we are quick to carry on responsibilities that are not ours thereby leaving our husbands to relax on their duties.
I am an advocate of a wife helping her husband in every way she can and she is needed to. In Genesis 2:18-31, we read that God made the woman turned wife as a suitable helper to her husband. The reason God thought it up to make a woman was to be a helper to her man. But she is made to be a helper and not the primary burden bearer. A wife should assist in helping her husband financially but not taking the responsibility off him. You need to pray for God's guidance to know when helping your husband financially is turning into primarily providing for your home and becoming the breadwinner of the family. 
This is not a general analysis of things because there are husbands who do not take undue advantage of their wives no matter the circumstances they find themselves in, even when their wives are earning more than them. To such men, I applaud you very much and I pray the Lord bless your seed sown into the lives of your family, I pray that it will multiply for you greatly in Jesus name.
Now that we have a little understanding of the problem some wives face in their homes, how can they handle this situation without having to give up their marriage or hurt their marriage in any way? This will be what I want God to help us handle through this post. By human standard, this is tough, but not with God and that is why my first word to wives facing this situation is to run to God in prayer. Falling into hate for your husband will not help, it will only hurt your marriage and the solution we seek is such that your marriage is not hurt in any way. So you need plenty of prayers and leading from the Holy Spirit to pull through. By yourself, you won’t be able to achieve much, but with God, things will change.
When you pray, tell God to open His heaven of abundance on your husband’s finances that he will have more than enough to fulfill his responsibility as the breadwinner of the family. You also need to pray that the Lord will give your husband a willing heart and the urgency to want to take up his responsibility as the primary provider for his family. Its one thing for the husband to have the resources to provide for his family, it’s another thing for him to see the need and have the will to provide for his family.
The second line of action is submission. You would wonder how can one submit to an irresponsible husband who the Bible says is worse than an unbeliever, but in truth, submission has a lot to do with it. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, even if you are married to an unbelieving husband, it is through the purity and reference of your life that he will be won over to God. So when you have prayed hard, you need to support that prayer with your act of submission. In doing this, you are obeying God’s instruction for your life as a wife, and causing Him to do for you what you have prayed for. Prayer to God and obedience to His word is like sowing a seed on a very good soil and watering it and with God watching over your seed you are guaranteed of satisfactory harvest.
Another thing that submission does is that it helps to raise the self-esteem of your husband. It boosts his ego, which invariably causes him to want to reciprocate and love you more and want to do more for you and your children. Because your husband appreciates your submission to him, you become a priority to him and his resources. If and when he has a little to spend, he will want to spend that little on you. 
And the last thing is that the wife needs to very gradually withdraw from the breadwinner role. As a wife in this situation, you can’t pull out suddenly and totally. You need to start by turning away from the little needs of the family and with prayers and submission, you will help your husband take up his role and responsibility in providing for his family.
There is no marriage without issues even if you prayed and sought the face of God before making a choice of a life partner there will still be challenges that will make you pray fervently to God. But from all that we are hearing and experiencing in marriage, it’s important that we seek the face of God over and over again before making a choice of a life partner. Love is not a reason strong enough for any marriage to stand the test of time, even though love is very essential for marriage to grow. Never marry for love alone, marry because you have God’s consent on your decision.
Also, I pray that men will understand that providing for the needs of their home is essential for their personal growth. When a man provides for him home he sows seeds in his own life that is bound to germinate and produce fruits for him in multiples of what he has sown. The Bible says he who sows sparingly will reap sparingly. God does not waste His resources, if you are not spending God’s resources in your life the way and manner He approves of, He withdraws His resources from you and gives it to one who will use it more in a manner that pleases Him. So understand that there is no wisdom in withholding funds from your family when you have to give. What you are doing in ignorance is that you are shortchanging yourself. In no time what you are withholding from them will be taken from you. So please husbands, be wise.
I pray that we have learned a great deal from this. I pray we are able to solve more problems as we continue to trust God with our marriages. 

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In reading ‘Gleanings from the Throne of God’, I experienced such a therapeutic feeling that comforted my soul releasing the peace of God in my heart. Indeed when understanding is given to a matter, the result thereafter is peace but in this case, peace of God.
As one reads through the pages, one can easily identify with the author as many of us have had or have the same struggles in matters that are discussed in this book.
Her simplicity, sincerity, and passion speak for itself. I would recommend this book to anyone that is searching for the peace of God that surpasses knowledge. In this book, you will discover that getting to know what God wants us to do is quite different from knowing why He wants us to do it.

Pastor Dapo Williams
The Fountain of Life Church, 
Ilupeju

You can read the first two chapters of this book by clicking here. I am so confident that you will not just like what you read, but you will be blessed by it. And then I will encourage you to just take one more step and get copies for yourself and loved ones. It cost just a token. To buy the hardcopy of this book you can click here, or on this link, https://thewordthatsuits.com/product/gleanings-from-the-throne-of-god/ or you can copy and paste the link address into your browser and you are good to go. And if you would just want to download the book for a lesser token you can click here, or on this link, https://thewordthatsuits.com/product/gleanings-from-the-throne-of-god-ebook/ or you can copy and paste the link address on your browser and just make your purchase. 

I would appreciate a like and a share of this book. Thank you and God bless.  



Saturday, 10 February 2018

Tough Submission

I have shared on this blog quite a handful of times on the issue of submission in marriage, in fact, I saw a video on Whatsapp shared by my very good friend in which a lady illustrated what submission should be for a married woman. She said as a form of illustration, “If you want to take a trip abroad and by virtue of your financial status you can afford the trip but your husband forbids you to take the trip and you obey, that is submission. But if on the other hand, you want to take a trip abroad and you cannot afford the trip but need your husband’s financial backing and he declines and you have no choice but to abandon the trip due to lack of funds and your husband’s refusal, then that is not submission. You are just submitting to fact that you don’t have money.” If in truth you have money then you will not submit. At this point, we need to search ourselves if truly we are submitting as the Lord says we should or not. With everything you think I know, I am still learning as much as you reading this write up.

Ephesians 5:22-25
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This is the same way the instruction for wives to submit to their husbands is in the book of Colossians 3:18 and 1 Peter 3:1-6. And then when we look at the dictionary meaning of the word submit, it says, “To give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” So what God is invariably telling us is to yield ourselves as wives to the authority of our husbands. This is an instruction not from the husbands, but from God.
Before I go further, I want to beg the husbands not to take advantage of this instruction to their wives by God. It’s an instruction that accrues more responsibility to the husbands more than they think they know. If God wants your wife to submit to you as unto Christ then you should understand that God expects that you are like Christ in her life. You will need to shoulder the responsibilities that Christ is shouldering over the church in the life and matters concerning your wife. It is not a small responsibility at all.
And this brings me to the reason why I decided to trust God for this write-up. One of the feedbacks I get the most from wives when they are asked to submit to their husbands or when they read any of my blog posts on submission is this; how can one submit to a husband who doesn’t care for them, he doesn’t provide for the needs of the home, and the wellbeing of the family he is supposed to lead is of no concern to him at all? How does one submit in such a situation to such a husband? I have heard this question over and over again and someone just asked me that same question about two days ago. Someone who follows my blog and has read my writings on submission, and so I decided to visit the issue again.
One thing that is interesting about the instruction of God on submission is that it does not come with any clause or exceptions. So to say that God did not give us the category of husbands to submit to and not to submit to. So no matter the characteristics of the husband you are married to, the Lord still says that as his wife you are to submit to him.
The next thing that will come into the mind of hurting wives or a wife who falls within the category of those not treated well in marriage is that God sees all and He knows how irresponsible their husbands are, why will God still demand that they submit to such men? To answer this, I will first of all say that God is not wicked and He is very mindful of what you are facing. If God says you should submit, its because God needs the resource of your submission to right the wrongs of your marriage and cause a change in the life of your husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that God wants us to submit to our husbands so that when we are married to unbelieving husbands, they can be won over to God through our behavior when they see the purity and reverence of our lives.
A wife is a suitable helper to her husband (Genesis 2:18-25) and you are not just helping him as a financial support, a homemaker, a house cleaner, a cook, a childbearing and rearing figure, but you are also helping to mold is character and this the Bible says you do, not by words but when he sees the purity and reverence of your life. If you want a change in your spouse, then you need to be the change that spurs him/her to change. Let the work of God in your life bring forth the light that drives out every darkness in your spouse’s life. Words won’t give you the results that deeds will and if God says you can change the character of your husband through the purity and reverence of your own life, then God cannot be wrong.

If you want to know if this approach works, then I will tell you that I am a living proof of that. Nothing is as effective to solve life’s issues as much as the truth of the word of God. I have shared my story on this blog several times. If everything else fails, God and His word never fail. And if you ask me how easy it was to submit when it was so very hard to submit, I will confirm to you that it was tough. Submission can be tough when you find yourself married to a man who is not performing his duties as a husband. But if you dare to submit, you will reap the benefit and a little secret to it is that God is by your side and always ready to pour His grace on your struggles and help you through. As you make effort in this and pray for strength from God, the Lord will help you through it to victory.  

Monday, 5 February 2018

The Story of a Gay Marriage

Hello wonderful people, I am confident you are doing very great and I am grateful to God for everyone who takes the time to read and share the post on this blog. God bless you all real good.
I read a story on one of my social media platforms and that story really got me thinking. A lady got divorced from her husband and is engaged to someone else. Now in an interview, she gave reasons for the divorce and the reason was infidelity. But if that was all that it was all about, it would have been okay. Infidelity in marriage is not strange even though it’s not acceptable in any way, but she claimed her husband was gay. He only made love to her when they were planning to make babies and the frequency of such intimacy is as far spread as just once in a year. And just like a lot of people will be surprised by this submission, I am surprised too. And the thought that comes to mind is, how does one handle a situation like this?
I have shared a story similar to this in my early days of blogging and I don’t think there is a situation too hard for God to handle. If you find yourself in a deep situation such as this, it because the Lord knows that you have the ability to go through the challenge and come out victorious. The Bible tells us that God will not tempt us more than we can bear.
Working out of a relationship like this is the very quick option that comes to the mind of every one. It's always as if there is no other option in cases as bad as this, more so that Jesus gave infidelity as the excuse for a divorce in Matthew 19:9. But there is a clause to this permission if we will be fully obedient to the word of God and that clause is found in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and that clause says "if a wife must divorce as the case may be here, then she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." So the option of getting a divorce and marrying someone else is actually not an option if we have to be fully obedient to the word of God. And God declared that He and His word are the same.
But God is not wicked, and He is not mean. He is the God who knows the end even from the beginning. He has a solution for every problem and victory for every battle. In my previous post before the last one, I highlighted the fact that our warfare in marriage is not against our spouses; the Bible already tells us in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, so your warfare is not against your spouse even though the manifestation of the activities of your true enemy which is the devil and his agents are seen through your spouse. When you focus on your spouse, you are fighting a wrong battle and it will end up in a lose-lose situation. We also know that our weapons of warfare are not carnal, neither are they of this world, but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4).
If God rightly said that it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), and He has made a wonderful, suitable helper for him in the person of his wife and this man in question is gay, then we have a reason to agree with God that it is not good for a man with a problem such as this, to be alone. Because a man who is gay is a man with huge problems and who needs serious and urgent help.
As a wife, you are your husband’s suitable helper and I am yet to find a husband who is problem free and does not need a helper in his life. For this particular husband his problem is homosexuality, for some other husbands, their problems are adultery with other women; for some it may be smoking, for others it may be alcohol, while yet others it may be their finances and yet others laziness, some others it may be violence and abuse, and for still some they just don’t seem to set their priorities right, some totally and completely abandon their family for other things. Some are consumed with the pursuit of career, and the list is endless. All of these are justifiable reasons for a woman to separate from her husband by human standard, but if this is how we do it and if God permits divorce and remarrying on the grounds of all these excuses, then I am sure we will only have a small fraction of the world’s population as married, while some would have been married to uncountable spouses as though they were animals. Yet God said it is not good for the man to be alone.
If God then restricts our ability to get a divorce once married, it is because He has better options and better solutions to our various marital situations including this case of a woman married to a gay husband. Once again I will say that your struggle as a wife married to a husband with a problem such as this is not with your husband in flesh and blood, but your struggle is against the spiritual forces behind what he is manifesting.
Someone once jokingly told me that cigarette is a spirit, and even though he was joking when he said it, I couldn’t agree less. There is a spirit that controls all that we do, the only thing is that we have the willpower to choose which spirit we allow to control our activities. It’s either we let the spirit of God take the wheel of our lives and lead us to righteousness or through lust allow the spirit of the devil to lead us to hell.
You as a wife with the Spirit of God in you possess a powerful weapon of warfare with divine powers to demolish every stronghold and spirit that is contrary to the Spirit of God in the life of your husband because you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit. Getting a divorce and running away from the problem does not solve the problem. Reaching towards heaven and praying to God to release to you power to demolish the stronghold in the life of your husband is a victorious option for you. You can then look at the newness of the life of your husband and see what God can do through you for your husband. That is more delight for the soul. It’s a better achievement that is far more satisfactory. And then your marriage is intact, there is no divorce and there is a better and more joyful union. If you ask me if this is achievable, I will say yes it, because with God nothing is impossible.