A good number of people have concluded on the woes of marriage, a lot of people if not 99% of married couples have one negative story or the other to tell about their marriage. The unfortunate thing about it all is that a sizable number of humans have assumed that they can handle marital issues based on logic, human wisdom, and self-confidence. The marital situation as it is today has shown that by ourselves as humans without the help and intervention of God we cannot pull through with a successful marriage. There is nothing you know to do that can guarantee a successful marriage outside the guidance of the Spirit of God.
By the help of the Spirit of God, this blog has helped restore love and joy in the marriages of many through the revelation of the truth of the word of God and still yet many have complained about how unpractical the things preached here are. But from the testimony of many who are willing to try it out and trust God, their stories have changed for the better.
Today I want to share the story that I came across on one of my social media platforms and even though I know that some of this social media stories might not true and can be a figment of someone imagination just to create traffic to their platforms, I know that for these stories to exist in someone's mind, there is the possibility for it to exist in reality. More so I have heard marriage counselors talk about handling difficult marriage cases such as those read on social media platforms, and so its important not to throw these stories in the bin as though they never can happen. We will take one of those sensational marriage stories in today’s post and try to learn from it.
A man in his fifties is said to be married with four children and the ages of his children are between 20-13. So to say that they are not toddlers. One of this man’s children was critically ill and needed a blood transfusion. On testing, the doctors discovered that neither parents have the same blood group with the child and so they could not donate blood to the ailing child. However, one of the child’s siblings was found as a suitable match and was able to donate the required blood, but this raised a suspicion with the doctor who found it strange that neither parents had the same blood group with their child. Medically it is assumed that a child must possess similar body chemistry with at least one of the parents.
The doctor handling the case of the child invited the father and explained some possibilities to him, he questioned the paternity of the child and advised the man to take his children for a DNA paternity test. The husband discussed with his wife about what the doctor had told him and she talked the situation down calling the doctor all sort of names. Eventually, this man took the doctor’s advice and took his four children for a paternity test only to discover that all four children are not biologically fathered by him. He challenged his wife with the result of the DNA test carried out but the wife is yet to own up to the true biological father of the children she had deceitfully claimed to be her husband’s children.
There was a very interesting debate on this issue on one of the social media platform that I belong to and various postulations where made and a lot of banters were thrown as to how wicked women can be, some other people assumed the wife might have done what she did in good fate, probably to save her husband from shame and disgrace. But I want to discuss this here in the most objective manner that we all can learn from.
If the man in question takes a divorce on account of the gruesomeness of what his wife had done to him, I believe God will not judge him wrong. Even Jesus gave infidelity as a reason for a man to divorce his wife and vice versa. Then the question of him having to remain unmarried is then going to play out. But the very sad truth is that the wife didn’t just harm their marriage, she harmed her husband’s ability to trust again.
I am writing this not to apportion blame because in truth no excuse justifies the wrong done by this wife. But I write this for us to learn as much lesson about marriage as we can. This is a marriage that seems beyond repair as it may seem but not with God. There is no point in a man’s life and situation that you invite God into your situation and God does not show up. He alone is able to turn the mess of our lives into a message and bring testimonies out of challenging situations.
It’s such a hard decision for a man who has found himself in a situation such as this, but the slimmest of all chances is what I will pray that a man in this situation takes. I will advise a man in a place like this to mourn, weep if possible; he needs to grieve for his loss and after all said and done, he needs to do what God would do in this circumstance; he needs to forgive. He needs to develop the mind of Christ and forgive. Not because his wife deserves it but because he is doing so to please God. This is not an advice for a normal man, but for extraordinary men who in the secret of their lives are heroes recognized and rewarded only by God.
If there is no contention from the biological father, he has a choice to continue to father these children and continue to love them like his own. He had loved them like his as long as they have lived anyway so he can continue to love them anyway. Forgiveness is hard but it is doable, I pray a man in this situation will let God be in the center of his reaction to the situation.
But for the wife, I am yet to understand the reason a woman would have four children outside of wedlock and claim them to be her husband’s children. Even if it was proven that the man was unable to medically father children, he had the right to make his own decision on how he would go about that problem. And then it not unheard of that a man who could not bear children later got healed and was able to father children. There is also the medical approach to solve cases of infertility outside the sin of adultery and deceit.
One lesson that I want us to take away from this story is that communication in marriage is very important. Lies and deceit kill marriages faster than violence and abuse in marriage. Never build the joy and happiness of your marriage on lies and deceit because no matter how long it takes the bubble will eventually burst and the truth will be revealed and the harm will be grievous. Far worse than what was protected by the lies.
Another lesson for me is to never try to solve big challenges with small minds, it will always be inadequate. When you are faced with huge problems you need a huge God to see you through it. If this wife had trusted God the infertility challenge in her marriage, she will not be faced with the problem she has created for herself and her husband. Whatever problem you have in your marriage, let it be a problem for the husband and the wife, not the husband alone or the wife alone. That is why God stated that it was not good for the man to be alone. Let there be no communication gap in your marriage. The secrets of today might be the problem of tomorrow.