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Monday, 30 April 2018

When Man Get it Wrong

I am so very sorry that I have taken so long a time to write a post, it simply because I am trying to find a means to be a complete wife myself. So I am moving from being a full-time housewife to being an entrepreneur wife, you know like the one you read about in Proverbs 31:10-31. Just like any other wife out there, I am also a work in progress, sharing what has worked for me with other couples.
In this my long break, even though I have not taken the time to write on the blog, God has been doing a lot of writing in people’s lives through me and I bless His name. And I realized that there is still a lot to be done with regards the issue of marriage.
In space of time that I have been away, I have had to do a lot of talking to couples and one thing I have noticed is that we seem not to understand who the true enemy of how marriage is. That divine revelation of understanding that my husband is not my enemy helped me to seek God right with my marriage and God came through for me.
First, I want us to go back to Genesis 2:18-31, there God said it was not good for the man to be alone and so He decided to make a helper suitable for him, which He brought to the man and then she became his wife. Before this declaration by God, He had made all living creatures, He made the birds of the air, the fish of the sea and the beast of the ground, He even made the living plants, and God made them male and female. So God made them in pairs of twos, one male, and one female. He made them independent of each other. And that is why it is just natural to find a male goat mating with different female goats. It is also not out of place to see a female dog mating with any male dog she sees. There is no marriage in the animal kingdom, neither is there marriage in the plant kingdom. When God made them, He made them independent of each other and so there is no sin when a female goat mates with a different male goat each time the need arises. For them, they only come together for the purpose of procreation or should I say reproduction only. 
But with mankind, the story is different. The Bible tells us that when God made man, He noticed that it was not good for the man to be alone, but rather than make a female man like He did the other animals, God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and took a rib from the man and then formed a woman and brought her to the man to be his suitable helper and wife. The big truth in this for every man and woman married and intending to be married is that no matter the geographical origin of the two individuals that make the married couple, no matter their language or skin color, the God who made them says He made the wife from the rib He took from the man and so they are not two different individuals like they would want to believe or that the world system has made them believe, but they are one in flesh and spirit and the God who made them has declared that He the woman from the rib He took from the man so there is an element of the man in the woman. As a wife, you carry a part of your husband in you and it is important for the man to understand that a part of him resides in his wife. God who made us all declared it so.
The world didn’t make the man, so the world cannot state the genesis of the created man, we are made by God and cannot question His declaration in our making, so if God says He made the woman from the man, then it is simply so without any argument or contention.
This revelation is very vital to the success of any marriage. The simple understanding and embracing of this revelation is so very important for a marriage to move forward successfully. And so we will look at how to make good use of this divine revelation for a successful marriage.
The first thing that a man needs to know is that his wife is an extension of him by virtue of God’s declaration at creation. If this is so, then if he can’t be an enemy of himself, then his wife cannot be his enemy. So it is the lie of the devil to convince a man that his greatest enemy is his wife. Your wife is never your enemy no matter how much you have convinced yourself that she is. 
Yes, I agree that some wives do evil things to their husbands, but she is simply a tool in the hands of your true enemy to destroy you. Fighting your wife amounts to you fighting the wrong battle and leaving the true enemy of your life to run loss and free. If the devil is done using your wife against you, he will anyone else close to you that is ignorant of his scheme and before you realize it, you make an enemy out of those you should truly love and leave your true enemy having a filled day on your ignorance. Ephesians 6:12 says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, so your fight is not against any flesh, and so we should not go hating those we are destined to love.
I agree that a wife might be misbehaving, she will misbehave so many times that the only solution that may seem appropriate to human reasoning is to get a divorce and let her just go before more damage is done. But we are not mere humans, we are beyond human reasoning when we apply the mind of Christ to our reasoning(the bible says we should have the mind of Christ).So to say that we should reason like Christ as we children of God having in us the Spirit of God. 
Now, one thing that the husband should not forget is that his wife is an extension of him, she was taken out of him. A man also fail and fall sometimes and even most times, but does he not dust himself up and pick up is life and learn from his mistakes? If yes, then why is he finding it hard to look beyond the faults and failures of his wife and find a solution better than a divorce noting that his wife is an extension of himself by the declaration of God?
Let’s look at this illustration: Let’s assume a man trips on his leg and falls, and most certainly he has tripped on that same leg more than once, but that does not translate to him cutting off the leg. In the same manner, the fact that your wife who happens to be an extension of you is not fulfilling who she should be in your life does not translate to you sending her out of your life. The fact that you don’t feel physical pain by your actions of sending her out of your life, does not mean your destiny isn’t feeling the pinch of your action. Yes, she might be causing you emotional pain, but your reaction to that pain has its impact on your destiny.
You might wonder what divorce has to do with destiny. Let’s check this out: Proverbs 18:22 tells us that a man who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains God’s favor, so to say that the entrance of your wife into your life is the entrance of God’s favor into your life. When you drive your wife out of your life then logically you are saying goodbye to the portion of God’s favor that she came into your life with. For your destiny to blossom your need good measure of God’s favor in your life, so the exit of your wife from your life is depleting the favor of God in your life requisite to the growth of your destiny. So when you go for a divorce, you might get some emotional relief, but you have depleted the measure of God’s favor for your life.
We have taken time to highlight the problem and I trust God that divine revelation from Him will give you a deeper understanding of what God is communicating through this write-up far beyond the words that I have written. But before I close, I want us to trust God on the way forward for a troubled marriage other than rushing for a divorce and I want God to address this issue from the husband’s perspective.
In Matthew 25:14-15, Jesus tells the parable of a man going on a journey and then entrusted his property to his servants and gave them talents according to their ability. What stroke me hard in that passage is that the property owner shared his properties among his servants according to their ability. This tells me that although the gift of God for our lives is supposed to make us rich and add no sorrow to it, yet it is according to our ability.
Proverbs 18:22 then tells us that “he who finds a wife, finds what is good and obtains the favor of God,” so to say that your wife is a gift from God to you, but yet the Lord gives you this wife based on your ability. You will agree with me that there is no perfect wife in the world but there is a perfect wife that God has created for every man based on his ability. If your wife is not yet perfect for you as a husband then it’s important that you check how far you have been able to exploit and utilize your ability. No matter how tough your wife may be, you have already been endowed with the ability to make her into the perfect wife that fits and suits your destiny only that you do not know you possess that ability or you are not exploring and exploiting that ability enough. And if this is the case then it's important to run back to God who created you and blessed you with an ability to help you discover the ability that is in your requisite to making your wife a better person suitable for your life's destiny.  
Before you cast the guilty verdict on your wife and call her imperfect and incapable and then run for a divorce, it’s important to check within you if you have exploited and explored all the ability that God has given you. And if your answer is yes, then you are not return to the throne of grace to seek and obtain more ability from God who gives without finding fault to continue to be a husband to your troublesome wife till she becomes all that God has called her to be in your life with the help and support of the living God.
When you have explored all that you know to do and it is not working, explore love. When you love and pray, you cannot get it wrong. 

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

So She Slapped Her Mother In-Law

So we look at the second issue that I promised to discuss in the second part of my previous post and the issue is about a lady who was beaten black and blue with bruises by her husband because she slapped her mother-in-law. And another lady who was also beaten by her husband because she seized his phone as a result of abuse of phone use in the house.
Quite a handful of women maintain that for no reason at all should a man beat his wife and even though I agree to this theory, I will add that for no reason at all should a wife provoke her husband to anger. Life is all about causes and effects. I know that a lot of wives suffer from the hands of aggressive and violent husbands but the truth of the matter is that if a man is exhibiting violent tendencies, there must be reasons behind his behavior and before we throw the baby away along with the birth water we need to check again and have a second thought on cases of violence in marriages.
If your marriage is not undergoing spiritual attacks that might generate continuous or frequent conflicts between the husband and his wife, and there are no cases of extra-marital affairs on the part of any of the two, and we have ruled out pair pressure, financial and economic pressure that can cause tension in the marriage and home, then the next thing is for the wife to watch her conduct to ensure that she avoids things that will provoke violence in her marriage. I speak to the wife first because she is the homebuilder, not that husbands too don't provoke their wives to anger but a gentle response the Bible says drives away wrath. 
It’s so easy to condemn a man who beats up his wife for any and every reason, God said in Malachi 2:16 that He hates a man who clothes himself with violence as with his garment and so I will not fault anyone who speaks against a violent husband. But we also need to point the searchlight on the wives. I agree that there are some gentle-spirited wives that are grossly maltreated by their husbands, but in the same vein, there are some dangerous mouthed wives too. The Bible says in Proverbs 21:23 that “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” When a wife does not have control over her temper and cannot exercise authority over her tongue, then she is in trouble.
It is assumed that a real man should know how to handle difficult marital challenges without being violent, but is that an excuse for the real wives to be uncultured? For as long as a wife would want to be treated like a queen by her husband then she should be ready to treat him like a king first. A beautiful marriage does not just happen it is cultivated. And whatever you sow into your marriage is what you will reap from it. God’s word can never prove false, we learn in Genesis 8:22 that as long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest will never cease.
It is the duty of a woman to build her home, and as she builds it so shall she live in it. No woman should ever think that she is empowered to verbally discipline her husband not to talk of thinking of punishing her husband for wrongdoing. She is a suitable helper to her husband according to the word of God in Genesis 2:18 and not the husband’s disciplinarian.
I do not exonerate the husbands of wrongdoing in marriage but if a woman is living with the notion that she can correct her husband when he is wrong then she should be ready for a lot of marital troubles or challenges. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says it is through the reverence and purity of a godly wife that an unbelieving husband is won over to God. And in my own words, I will say that it is through the purity, reverence, and prayers of a godly wife’s life that her husband is corrected and not by words. If for any reason you try to exert control over your husband in any way no matter how subtle, it will meet with resistance and if you have a husband who does not have control over his emotions, that resistance will be accompanied by violence.
No matter how right you think you are in a marriage, the secret to a successful marriage mostly requires the ability of the wife to be able to stoop to conquer. Marital battles are not fought in words or fist, they are fought on the knees in prayers.
A real wife will not for any and every reason be rude to her mother-in-law not to talk of slapping her. If you cannot raise your hands to slap your mother, then never think of doing that to your mother-in-law. If the Lord has declared that the two have become one in flesh and spirit, then by simple reasoning, you as a wife is your husband in another form. If then you and your husband are no longer two but one and we can reason then that the wife is the husband in another form, then we can also conclude that the wife mother is also the husband’s mother and the husband’s mother is also the wife’s mother. As a wife, you didn’t come out of your husband’s mother’s womb, but because she is your husband’s mother and you and your husband are one, then she has become your mother.
And then God said in Exodus 20:12 that, “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” So a real woman who is living to please the Lord will follow the instructions for of God her life to honor her husband’s mother who is also her mother by virtue of marriage.
Even if your mother-in-law wrongs you in any way and does not treat you like her child, you who is a real woman who knows the truth of the word of God and is working according to the will of God will do as the word of God says and attract the love of your mother by marriage through the love, respect and honor you show to her. If then she continues to be mean to you, she will surely face the wrath of God. When you do your bit and honor, respect and love your mother-in-law, you give room to God to do His own bit by fighting your battles for you. 
I agree and know certainly that two wrongs don’t make a right, so to say that I consent to a husband beating up his wife is not the picture here. But as a wife never do anything whatsoever to provoke your husband to anger. Pray and apply wisdom in relating to your husband in a manner that promotes the peace and joy of your marriage. 

Monday, 5 March 2018

What Abraham Did Wrong

I have been reading about people making cases for polygamy lately, most especially on the news  media of some African nations. Even a pastor is not even left out in the campaign for polygamy. And one of the arguments I face most in my assignment in helping marriages heal is the call for divorce in the face of tough marital challenges. It’s always a huge task trying to make people who are hurting understand that God can't be wrong is saying He hates divorce. It sometimes get to me when men in God's service encourage spouses to get a divorce as a solution for tough marital challenges. People very close to me have taken time to turn their backs on me basically because I tell them there is no marital challenge strong enough to call for a divorce. I still stand my ground and I say it over and over again that if God can heal my marriage then there is no marriage He cannot turn around for good. I didn't have the worse case scenario in my marriage but I must confess that I had my own fair share of tough challenges in marriage, but today I can tell you confidently that marriage is not just sweet, but very sweet. And like a profound marriage counselor often says, it depends on the cutlery you use to eat it. 
If you are willing and determined to make your business work, and are determined to be the best in your career, then having the best of marriages is only a matter of determination, focus and divine help. The first two depends on you and are variables, the last one is sourced at the throne of God and it's a constant factor that can be relied upon not to fail.  
I will break this write-up into two parts because the issues on my mind to write about will be a little too lengthy for just one post so I don't bore you with a lengthy read. I would first want to write on the polygamy campaign and then tell a story of a wife who was beaten black and blue and even had her flesh torn by her husband because she slapped her mother-in-law and another story of a wife who says she was beaten by her husband because she seized his phone because he was doing legit/illegitimate activities with the phone and was abusing phone use in the house.
I am sure you will agree that we have a lot to look at for just one post to contain so it’s just better that we break it into two or even three parts.
But I will want to start with the issue of campaign for polygamy for a man to have peace of mind in his marriage. And where the people making this campaign got their findings from is a mystery to me. If a man is having problems coping with one wife, then how can he cope when he doubles or even triples his number of wives? Rationally thinking, such a man is just multiplying his problems in the proportion with which he mulptiplies his wives.
The major basis for people who argue for polygamy is that for it exist in Bible days and men of God who had more than one wife were not said to be sinners then there is nothing wrong with polygamy. Even if we will buy that argument, the first thing I want to point out is that "in what way did polygamy solve marital problems in Bible days for those who engaged in it?" Rather than polygamy helping marriages, it compounded it. I want to mention at this point that this message is for those who desire to do things God’s way. So it might not apply to everyone but just those who seek to align themselves with the will of God for their lives.
In 1 Timothy 3:1-7, the very first criteria Paul gave for a man seeking to be an overseer is that he must be a husband of just one wife. Now you might think that because you don’t seek to be an overseer this does not apply to you. But if you seek to be the head of your home, then you seek to be an overseer in your home and over your family, then the same rules apply to you. You must be a husband of but one wife.
A lot of people have assumed that Abraham married Hagar while being married to Sarah, and so it’s right. But what we didn’t realize is that in the days when Abraham allowed himself to be talked into that act of polygamy in the pursuit of an heir, God withdrew from him. In Genesis 16:16 we read that Abraham was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael, then the next verse was Genesis 17:1 which says “When Abraham was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, ‘I am the Lord God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless.” We need to understand that the time difference between Genesis 16:16 and Genesis 17:1 was a long 13years of God's silence in the life of Abraham.
Two things I noticed here, between the time Abraham was eighty-six years of age when he had Ishmael and the time he was ninety-nine years the Lord did not speak or visit Abraham. So to say that if Abraham was operating within the will of God for his life, God will not withdraw from him. And when God showed in his life 13years after, it was to call him back to order. God told Abraham to walk before Him and be blameless. If Abraham had been walking before the Lord before then, God will not make such a call on his life. So when we advocate for polygamy it’s important that we understand that because a few men of God did it does not make it right.
Jacob was another prominent case study on the issue of polygamy. The Bible told us that he labored 14years to marry Rachel. It appeared that Jacob was cheated, he labored 7years for Rachel and was given Leah and so he had to labor another seven years to marry the love of his life. But did we notice that Jacob never even prayed before choosing a wife for himself. Should we not then wonder if truly Leah was God’s choice of a wife for Jacob? If God did not approve of Leah as Jacob's wife, Leah will never be a wife to Jacob. 
Jacob married for love and beauty, yet he married a jealous woman, a liar and a thief Genesis 29:31-31:55). So much for love and beauty. Four women had children for Jacob solely as a result of Rachel’s insecurity and jealously yet she was more loved than her sister.
Genesis 29:31 say “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, He opened her womb, but Rachel remained barren.” This tells me that though Jacob loved Rachel more but God loved Leah more for Jacob. Per-adventure Leah was God’s choice of a wife for Jacob and not the beautiful Rachel. If we read through Genesis 29:31-30:24, we will see how Leah enjoyed God’s favor in her marriage. And I pray that men will see the handwriting of God on their marriages and follow the path of God’s will for their marriages.  
In order not to make this post too long and boring, I will just stop at this two polygamous men of God, but we still have men like David and Solomon to consider. But in all, I have observed that polygamy is characterized by issues such as jealousy, rage, strife, malice, backstabbing, unhealthy competition just to name a few. God did not institute marriage for troubles such as this. Marriage is supposed to be a comfort zone for the individuals in it. When you commit your marriage into God’s hands, and you let him lead the way in your marriage you will enjoy it so much that you will not have a thought for polygamy. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Saturday, 24 February 2018

When the Trusted Wife Stabs her Husband at the Back Like this What Can He Do

A good number of people have concluded on the woes of marriage, a lot of people if not 99% of married couples have one negative story or the other to tell about their marriage. The unfortunate thing about it all is that a sizable number of humans have assumed that they can handle marital issues based on logic, human wisdom, and self-confidence. The marital situation as it is today has shown that by ourselves as humans without the help and intervention of God we cannot pull through with a successful marriage. There is nothing you know to do that can guarantee a successful marriage outside the guidance of the Spirit of God.
By the help of the Spirit of God, this blog has helped restore love and joy in the marriages of many through the revelation of the truth of the word of God and still yet many have complained about how unpractical the things preached here are. But from the testimony of many who are willing to try it out and trust God, their stories have changed for the better.
Today I want to share the story that I came across on one of my social media platforms and even though I know that some of this social media stories might not true and can be a figment of someone imagination just to create traffic to their platforms, I know that for these stories to exist in someone's mind, there is the possibility for it to exist in reality. More so I have heard marriage counselors talk about handling difficult marriage cases such as those read on social media platforms, and so its important not to throw these stories in the bin as though they never can happen. We will take one of those sensational marriage stories in today’s post and try to learn from it.  
A man in his fifties is said to be married with four children and the ages of his children are between 20-13. So to say that they are not toddlers. One of this man’s children was critically ill and needed a blood transfusion. On testing, the doctors discovered that neither parents have the same blood group with the child and so they could not donate blood to the ailing child. However, one of the child’s siblings was found as a suitable match and was able to donate the required blood, but this raised a suspicion with the doctor who found it strange that neither parents had the same blood group with their child. Medically it is assumed that a child must possess similar body chemistry with at least one of the parents.
The doctor handling the case of the child invited the father and explained some possibilities to him, he questioned the paternity of the child and advised the man to take his children for a DNA paternity test. The husband discussed with his wife about what the doctor had told him and she talked the situation down calling the doctor all sort of names. Eventually, this man took the doctor’s advice and took his four children for a paternity test only to discover that all four children are not biologically fathered by him. He challenged his wife with the result of the DNA test carried out but the wife is yet to own up to the true biological father of the children she had deceitfully claimed to be her husband’s children.
There was a very interesting debate on this issue on one of the social media platform that I belong to and various postulations where made and a lot of banters were thrown as to how wicked women can be, some other people assumed the wife might have done what she did in good fate, probably to save her husband from shame and disgrace. But I want to discuss this here in the most objective manner that we all can learn from.
If the man in question takes a divorce on account of the gruesomeness of what his wife had done to him, I believe God will not judge him wrong. Even Jesus gave infidelity as a reason for a man to divorce his wife and vice versa. Then the question of him having to remain unmarried is then going to play out. But the very sad truth is that the wife didn’t just harm their marriage, she harmed her husband’s ability to trust again.
I am writing this not to apportion blame because in truth no excuse justifies the wrong done by this wife. But I write this for us to learn as much lesson about marriage as we can. This is a marriage that seems beyond repair as it may seem but not with God. There is no point in a man’s life and situation that you invite God into your situation and God does not show up. He alone is able to turn the mess of our lives into a message and bring testimonies out of challenging situations.
It’s such a hard decision for a man who has found himself in a situation such as this, but the slimmest of all chances is what I will pray that a man in this situation takes. I will advise a man in a place like this to mourn, weep if possible; he needs to grieve for his loss and after all said and done, he needs to do what God would do in this circumstance; he needs to forgive. He needs to develop the mind of Christ and forgive. Not because his wife deserves it but because he is doing so to please God. This is not an advice for a normal man, but for extraordinary men who in the secret of their lives are heroes recognized and rewarded only by God.
If there is no contention from the biological father, he has a choice to continue to father these children and continue to love them like his own. He had loved them like his as long as they have lived anyway so he can continue to love them anyway. Forgiveness is hard but it is doable, I pray a man in this situation will let God be in the center of his reaction to the situation.
But for the wife, I am yet to understand the reason a woman would have four children outside of wedlock and claim them to be her husband’s children. Even if it was proven that the man was unable to medically father children, he had the right to make his own decision on how he would go about that problem. And then it not unheard of that a man who could not bear children later got healed and was able to father children. There is also the medical approach to solve cases of infertility outside the sin of adultery and deceit.
One lesson that I want us to take away from this story is that communication in marriage is very important. Lies and deceit kill marriages faster than violence and abuse in marriage. Never build the joy and happiness of your marriage on lies and deceit because no matter how long it takes the bubble will eventually burst and the truth will be revealed and the harm will be grievous. Far worse than what was protected by the lies.

Another lesson for me is to never try to solve big challenges with small minds, it will always be inadequate. When you are faced with huge problems you need a huge God to see you through it. If this wife had trusted God the infertility challenge in her marriage, she will not be faced with the problem she has created for herself and her husband. Whatever problem you have in your marriage, let it be a problem for the husband and the wife, not the husband alone or the wife alone. That is why God stated that it was not good for the man to be alone. Let there be no communication gap in your marriage. The secrets of today might be the problem of tomorrow. 

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Make Your Husband More Responsible for the Needs of His Family

I once had a chat with a lady who has been married for twenty-five years. She raised all her children with her hard earned resources. The Lord blessed her with a very good job and even though she is the wife, she doubles as the breadwinner of the family. And if you are wondering if her husband is alive and well, the answer is a very big YES.
This situation has so eaten this woman up to the point that she has actually lost all the love she has for her husband but she is still in the marriage because she does not believe in divorce and she is a good Christian. She has discussed the issue with her husband on several occasions but it hasn’t yielded any result. So she is making effort to maintain peace in the marriage at the expense of her personal happiness and still maintain the role of the breadwinner of the family.
Personally, I believe this marriage will heal, and the situation of this marriage will improve and the husband will be the man God has designed and assigned him to be again in every area in which he is meant to be head over his family. But there are many cases like it, and I have shared stories like this before on this blog more than once. So how do we get our husbands to be the breadwinner of the family as the Lord ordained it to be (1 Timothy 5:8).
It very natural that a person gets laid back when he/she finds an easy alternative to a difficult task or he/she finds help on a huge task that he/she should have done. Take for example a wife who has a maid, she will not bother about house chores like toilet cleaning and sweeping when she knows she has someone who can take care of that task for her. Some wives even get relaxed on other tasks such as cooking and personal care of the children.
I do not mean to talk-down on wives, I am a wife also and so I understand the pressure we go through and in truth, we need all the help we can get. But as an illustration, I want us to understand that this is how it applies to the husbands too. Once your husband knows that you are financially capable of taking care of the needs of the family he relaxes on his responsibility with the conclusion that at least his wife can take care of things. It starts as a gradual help in picking up bills when the husband is financially down until it becomes the norm in the home. And because we wives are built such that we cannot see things go wrong in the home and not care, we are quick to carry on responsibilities that are not ours thereby leaving our husbands to relax on their duties.
I am an advocate of a wife helping her husband in every way she can and she is needed to. In Genesis 2:18-31, we read that God made the woman turned wife as a suitable helper to her husband. The reason God thought it up to make a woman was to be a helper to her man. But she is made to be a helper and not the primary burden bearer. A wife should assist in helping her husband financially but not taking the responsibility off him. You need to pray for God's guidance to know when helping your husband financially is turning into primarily providing for your home and becoming the breadwinner of the family. 
This is not a general analysis of things because there are husbands who do not take undue advantage of their wives no matter the circumstances they find themselves in, even when their wives are earning more than them. To such men, I applaud you very much and I pray the Lord bless your seed sown into the lives of your family, I pray that it will multiply for you greatly in Jesus name.
Now that we have a little understanding of the problem some wives face in their homes, how can they handle this situation without having to give up their marriage or hurt their marriage in any way? This will be what I want God to help us handle through this post. By human standard, this is tough, but not with God and that is why my first word to wives facing this situation is to run to God in prayer. Falling into hate for your husband will not help, it will only hurt your marriage and the solution we seek is such that your marriage is not hurt in any way. So you need plenty of prayers and leading from the Holy Spirit to pull through. By yourself, you won’t be able to achieve much, but with God, things will change.
When you pray, tell God to open His heaven of abundance on your husband’s finances that he will have more than enough to fulfill his responsibility as the breadwinner of the family. You also need to pray that the Lord will give your husband a willing heart and the urgency to want to take up his responsibility as the primary provider for his family. Its one thing for the husband to have the resources to provide for his family, it’s another thing for him to see the need and have the will to provide for his family.
The second line of action is submission. You would wonder how can one submit to an irresponsible husband who the Bible says is worse than an unbeliever, but in truth, submission has a lot to do with it. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, even if you are married to an unbelieving husband, it is through the purity and reference of your life that he will be won over to God. So when you have prayed hard, you need to support that prayer with your act of submission. In doing this, you are obeying God’s instruction for your life as a wife, and causing Him to do for you what you have prayed for. Prayer to God and obedience to His word is like sowing a seed on a very good soil and watering it and with God watching over your seed you are guaranteed of satisfactory harvest.
Another thing that submission does is that it helps to raise the self-esteem of your husband. It boosts his ego, which invariably causes him to want to reciprocate and love you more and want to do more for you and your children. Because your husband appreciates your submission to him, you become a priority to him and his resources. If and when he has a little to spend, he will want to spend that little on you. 
And the last thing is that the wife needs to very gradually withdraw from the breadwinner role. As a wife in this situation, you can’t pull out suddenly and totally. You need to start by turning away from the little needs of the family and with prayers and submission, you will help your husband take up his role and responsibility in providing for his family.
There is no marriage without issues even if you prayed and sought the face of God before making a choice of a life partner there will still be challenges that will make you pray fervently to God. But from all that we are hearing and experiencing in marriage, it’s important that we seek the face of God over and over again before making a choice of a life partner. Love is not a reason strong enough for any marriage to stand the test of time, even though love is very essential for marriage to grow. Never marry for love alone, marry because you have God’s consent on your decision.
Also, I pray that men will understand that providing for the needs of their home is essential for their personal growth. When a man provides for him home he sows seeds in his own life that is bound to germinate and produce fruits for him in multiples of what he has sown. The Bible says he who sows sparingly will reap sparingly. God does not waste His resources, if you are not spending God’s resources in your life the way and manner He approves of, He withdraws His resources from you and gives it to one who will use it more in a manner that pleases Him. So understand that there is no wisdom in withholding funds from your family when you have to give. What you are doing in ignorance is that you are shortchanging yourself. In no time what you are withholding from them will be taken from you. So please husbands, be wise.
I pray that we have learned a great deal from this. I pray we are able to solve more problems as we continue to trust God with our marriages. 

If you have enjoyed all that you have read on this blog and have been blessed by them then I should introduce you to my book "Gleanings from the Throne of God." It's the very first book I ever wrote, and writing this book has been a blessing not just to me but to as many as having been privileged to lay hands on it. It's a life-changing book written by me and based on the truth of the Bible and the inspiration of the word of God. This is what my Pastor has to say about the book. 

In reading ‘Gleanings from the Throne of God’, I experienced such a therapeutic feeling that comforted my soul releasing the peace of God in my heart. Indeed when understanding is given to a matter, the result thereafter is peace but in this case, peace of God.
As one reads through the pages, one can easily identify with the author as many of us have had or have the same struggles in matters that are discussed in this book.
Her simplicity, sincerity, and passion speak for itself. I would recommend this book to anyone that is searching for the peace of God that surpasses knowledge. In this book, you will discover that getting to know what God wants us to do is quite different from knowing why He wants us to do it.

Pastor Dapo Williams
The Fountain of Life Church, 

You can read the first two chapters of this book by clicking here. I am so confident that you will not just like what you read, but you will be blessed by it. And then I will encourage you to just take one more step and get copies for yourself and loved ones. It cost just a token. To buy the hardcopy of this book you can click here, or on this link, or you can copy and paste the link address into your browser and you are good to go. And if you would just want to download the book for a lesser token you can click here, or on this link, or you can copy and paste the link address on your browser and just make your purchase. 

I would appreciate a like and a share of this book. Thank you and God bless.  

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Tough Submission

I have shared on this blog quite a handful of times on the issue of submission in marriage, in fact, I saw a video on Whatsapp shared by my very good friend in which a lady illustrated what submission should be for a married woman. She said as a form of illustration, “If you want to take a trip abroad and by virtue of your financial status you can afford the trip but your husband forbids you to take the trip and you obey, that is submission. But if on the other hand, you want to take a trip abroad and you cannot afford the trip but need your husband’s financial backing and he declines and you have no choice but to abandon the trip due to lack of funds and your husband’s refusal, then that is not submission. You are just submitting to fact that you don’t have money.” If in truth you have money then you will not submit. At this point, we need to search ourselves if truly we are submitting as the Lord says we should or not. With everything you think I know, I am still learning as much as you reading this write up.

Ephesians 5:22-25
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This is the same way the instruction for wives to submit to their husbands is in the book of Colossians 3:18 and 1 Peter 3:1-6. And then when we look at the dictionary meaning of the word submit, it says, “To give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” So what God is invariably telling us is to yield ourselves as wives to the authority of our husbands. This is an instruction not from the husbands, but from God.
Before I go further, I want to beg the husbands not to take advantage of this instruction to their wives by God. It’s an instruction that accrues more responsibility to the husbands more than they think they know. If God wants your wife to submit to you as unto Christ then you should understand that God expects that you are like Christ in her life. You will need to shoulder the responsibilities that Christ is shouldering over the church in the life and matters concerning your wife. It is not a small responsibility at all.
And this brings me to the reason why I decided to trust God for this write-up. One of the feedbacks I get the most from wives when they are asked to submit to their husbands or when they read any of my blog posts on submission is this; how can one submit to a husband who doesn’t care for them, he doesn’t provide for the needs of the home, and the wellbeing of the family he is supposed to lead is of no concern to him at all? How does one submit in such a situation to such a husband? I have heard this question over and over again and someone just asked me that same question about two days ago. Someone who follows my blog and has read my writings on submission, and so I decided to visit the issue again.
One thing that is interesting about the instruction of God on submission is that it does not come with any clause or exceptions. So to say that God did not give us the category of husbands to submit to and not to submit to. So no matter the characteristics of the husband you are married to, the Lord still says that as his wife you are to submit to him.
The next thing that will come into the mind of hurting wives or a wife who falls within the category of those not treated well in marriage is that God sees all and He knows how irresponsible their husbands are, why will God still demand that they submit to such men? To answer this, I will first of all say that God is not wicked and He is very mindful of what you are facing. If God says you should submit, its because God needs the resource of your submission to right the wrongs of your marriage and cause a change in the life of your husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that God wants us to submit to our husbands so that when we are married to unbelieving husbands, they can be won over to God through our behavior when they see the purity and reverence of our lives.
A wife is a suitable helper to her husband (Genesis 2:18-25) and you are not just helping him as a financial support, a homemaker, a house cleaner, a cook, a childbearing and rearing figure, but you are also helping to mold is character and this the Bible says you do, not by words but when he sees the purity and reverence of your life. If you want a change in your spouse, then you need to be the change that spurs him/her to change. Let the work of God in your life bring forth the light that drives out every darkness in your spouse’s life. Words won’t give you the results that deeds will and if God says you can change the character of your husband through the purity and reverence of your own life, then God cannot be wrong.

If you want to know if this approach works, then I will tell you that I am a living proof of that. Nothing is as effective to solve life’s issues as much as the truth of the word of God. I have shared my story on this blog several times. If everything else fails, God and His word never fail. And if you ask me how easy it was to submit when it was so very hard to submit, I will confirm to you that it was tough. Submission can be tough when you find yourself married to a man who is not performing his duties as a husband. But if you dare to submit, you will reap the benefit and a little secret to it is that God is by your side and always ready to pour His grace on your struggles and help you through. As you make effort in this and pray for strength from God, the Lord will help you through it to victory.  

Monday, 5 February 2018

The Story of a Gay Marriage

Hello wonderful people, I am confident you are doing very great and I am grateful to God for everyone who takes the time to read and share the post on this blog. God bless you all real good.
I read a story on one of my social media platforms and that story really got me thinking. A lady got divorced from her husband and is engaged to someone else. Now in an interview, she gave reasons for the divorce and the reason was infidelity. But if that was all that it was all about, it would have been okay. Infidelity in marriage is not strange even though it’s not acceptable in any way, but she claimed her husband was gay. He only made love to her when they were planning to make babies and the frequency of such intimacy is as far spread as just once in a year. And just like a lot of people will be surprised by this submission, I am surprised too. And the thought that comes to mind is, how does one handle a situation like this?
I have shared a story similar to this in my early days of blogging and I don’t think there is a situation too hard for God to handle. If you find yourself in a deep situation such as this, it because the Lord knows that you have the ability to go through the challenge and come out victorious. The Bible tells us that God will not tempt us more than we can bear.
Working out of a relationship like this is the very quick option that comes to the mind of every one. It's always as if there is no other option in cases as bad as this, more so that Jesus gave infidelity as the excuse for a divorce in Matthew 19:9. But there is a clause to this permission if we will be fully obedient to the word of God and that clause is found in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and that clause says "if a wife must divorce as the case may be here, then she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." So the option of getting a divorce and marrying someone else is actually not an option if we have to be fully obedient to the word of God. And God declared that He and His word are the same.
But God is not wicked, and He is not mean. He is the God who knows the end even from the beginning. He has a solution for every problem and victory for every battle. In my previous post before the last one, I highlighted the fact that our warfare in marriage is not against our spouses; the Bible already tells us in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, so your warfare is not against your spouse even though the manifestation of the activities of your true enemy which is the devil and his agents are seen through your spouse. When you focus on your spouse, you are fighting a wrong battle and it will end up in a lose-lose situation. We also know that our weapons of warfare are not carnal, neither are they of this world, but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4).
If God rightly said that it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), and He has made a wonderful, suitable helper for him in the person of his wife and this man in question is gay, then we have a reason to agree with God that it is not good for a man with a problem such as this, to be alone. Because a man who is gay is a man with huge problems and who needs serious and urgent help.
As a wife, you are your husband’s suitable helper and I am yet to find a husband who is problem free and does not need a helper in his life. For this particular husband his problem is homosexuality, for some other husbands, their problems are adultery with other women; for some it may be smoking, for others it may be alcohol, while yet others it may be their finances and yet others laziness, some others it may be violence and abuse, and for still some they just don’t seem to set their priorities right, some totally and completely abandon their family for other things. Some are consumed with the pursuit of career, and the list is endless. All of these are justifiable reasons for a woman to separate from her husband by human standard, but if this is how we do it and if God permits divorce and remarrying on the grounds of all these excuses, then I am sure we will only have a small fraction of the world’s population as married, while some would have been married to uncountable spouses as though they were animals. Yet God said it is not good for the man to be alone.
If God then restricts our ability to get a divorce once married, it is because He has better options and better solutions to our various marital situations including this case of a woman married to a gay husband. Once again I will say that your struggle as a wife married to a husband with a problem such as this is not with your husband in flesh and blood, but your struggle is against the spiritual forces behind what he is manifesting.
Someone once jokingly told me that cigarette is a spirit, and even though he was joking when he said it, I couldn’t agree less. There is a spirit that controls all that we do, the only thing is that we have the willpower to choose which spirit we allow to control our activities. It’s either we let the spirit of God take the wheel of our lives and lead us to righteousness or through lust allow the spirit of the devil to lead us to hell.
You as a wife with the Spirit of God in you possess a powerful weapon of warfare with divine powers to demolish every stronghold and spirit that is contrary to the Spirit of God in the life of your husband because you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit. Getting a divorce and running away from the problem does not solve the problem. Reaching towards heaven and praying to God to release to you power to demolish the stronghold in the life of your husband is a victorious option for you. You can then look at the newness of the life of your husband and see what God can do through you for your husband. That is more delight for the soul. It’s a better achievement that is far more satisfactory. And then your marriage is intact, there is no divorce and there is a better and more joyful union. If you ask me if this is achievable, I will say yes it, because with God nothing is impossible.