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Monday, 11 February 2019

It's Time to be Your Husband's Best Friend

And so, we continue in our marriage gist and in today’s blog I want us to have a look at communication in marriage. There is so much to discuss when it comes to communication in marriage but today, I want us as wives to learn to be our husband’s confidant.
It is no gainsaying that most husbands find it hard to open up to their wives at home. In fact, it was one of the issues discussed by the male speaker at our last couple’s clinic program. Men find it easy to discuss issues that bother them much with friends and extended family members, but mostly not with their wives except for a very few of them. Now, if your husband is one of such people that would prefer to discuss his issues with other people rather than you is his wife and one who should be closest to him, then you need to start to learn to put yourself in the right place in the life of your husband. Other people are currently occupying your position in his life and it’s not their fault, it's simply because you let them.
One thing we as wives often overlook is that on more than one occasion our husbands have tried to discuss things that bother them deep in their heart with us, they have tried to be vulnerable before us, but the way and manner with which we handled that vulnerability has prevented them from trying it with us again.
As a wife when you notice your husband’s weakness (because everyone has one), what have you done with it? Did you absorb what you noticed and then take the issue to God in prayer or you tried to correct him and talk him out of it? Did you discuss with an external person simply because you could not handle the shock alone? Whatever you did with that information whether in secret or in open amounts to why your husband is finding it hard to confide in you or why you are his best confidant.
From my own experience in marriage, I have noticed that when my husband talks to me, sometimes he just wants me to listen, sometimes he wants me to give a suggestion and sometimes he wants me to act. But I have realized that most times he just wants me to listen. He wants to have in me a person he can talk to. Now the duty is on me to know when he wants me to just listen and not suggest or act.
In the same way in many other marriages, your husband wants to talk to you. He needs to pour out the load on his mind so as to remain sane, he might not necessarily want you to do anything about the information (other than to pray for him in your secret closet with him even knowing). Just listen to what he has to say. And sometimes he might be confused in a decision he wants to make and needs your help in arriving at a conclusion. Most times, your husband will not tell you why he is talking to you, he will just talk to you and then the responsibility is yours to know whether he just wants to talk, or he wants your advice or needs your action. When you act when he just wants you to listen, then you prevent him from talking to you next time and believe me you won’t like it when your husband starts keeping things from you.
Ecclesiastes 3:7b says, there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. And then Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinion.” In order to understand when to speak and when to be silent, you need wisdom and divine wisdom at that. You need to pray and let the Spirit of God fill you and direct you even when it comes to simple and ordinary things as little as communication in marriage. Because that very little thing called communication in marriage has led to very disastrous consequences.
It is as simple as asking God in your spirit man when your husband is talking to you, if you can speak or you need to just listen, and if you need to speak, then He (God) should direct your words right. I very well understand that you the man in your life is your husband and you should be able to chat with him freely, but in all things wisdom is profitable. You don’t take your spouse and the peace of your marriage for granted in the name of speaking freely. The right words at the right time will go a long way to give you a lasting peaceful marriage that becomes the envy of the world.
Then, I want to ask that, the information you receive from the communication with your husband, what do you do with them? I know so many times that my husband has come home to lament to me about things not working well on his job, and at such times I have little to say, but then my heart is praying. As soon as I can, I start to commit the situation into the hands of God, and I will not stop until he comes with the testimony that things are working fine again. His peace is my peace and we share the same joy.
I have come to understand and appreciate that I didn’t marry a perfect man and I don’t judge him. I take my time to downplay is flaws in the subtlest way I can, and I validate my husband and praise his effort. That way we are best of friends. He tells me things and he knows his talks are safe with me.
To get the best out of your husband in the form of communication, try not to be a judgmental or hypercritical, condemnatory wife. Don’t try to even show him his faults because even if he is not openly admitting it, he knows when he does something wrong and his conscience is already doing the judging, adding yours will be an over-do. Try not to teach him how to remedy the messy situation, when you do that you make him look foolish and he will resist it with a mindset that you are trying to control him. Men don’t like being told what to do by their wives when they didn’t specifically ask for your advice.
The first act of help you should render that will guarantee him coming back to you when he needs a friend to talk to is to pray and keep praying, then if you must act, you should ask God to lead your action into doing the right thing as against what your emotions lead you to do. This does not mean you shouldn’t help your husband in times of need, but it’s important that you help him in a manner that does not appear controlling or condescending. A lot of help can be done without your husband knowing you even did a thing, at least not till much later. But God who sees what you do in secret will reward you in the open. Don’t be the one to blow your trumpet at the expense of your husband, let God blow that trumpet for you. That way it's louder and more announcing. Communication in marriage requires wisdom and so as a wife you need to keep praying for wisdom to succeed in marriage. There is a place for emotions, but wisdom far exceeds emotions in making a marriage successful.
I will share a few Bible scriptures with you that will let you know the place of wisdom in communication as you relate with your husband.

Proverbs 17:28
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them. 

Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Till I come your way again, remain blessed. 



Thursday, 31 January 2019

Let Your Husband Pick the Bills

You can listen to the audio version of today's blog on this link https://soundcloud.com/aderinsola-obasa/let-your-husband-pick-the-bills. Just click on this link to listen

Hello people. First, I want to wish us all a very blessed 2019. May this year be a very prosperous one for us all in Jesus Name. May the Lord visit each one of us and meet us at the point of our needs in Jesus name. Before I continue to write, I want to explain that doing the audio version of the blog has been time-consuming for me and explains why the spacing of the blogs have been far apart. So maybe I will have to suspend the audio blog for now and then we continue with the written blog until I can perfect the inclusion of the audio blog. So this blog will be the last blog to have an audio version of it till further notice. 
And so in today’s blog, I want us to take a look at one of the big issues affecting marriages in our today’s world. That issue is finance. It’s a fast-growing phenomenon that wives are having to add the breadwinner role to the list of responsibilities that they have to carry in their homes and marriages. Now, I don’t mean any harm to the men folks and I pray that heavens will open to all husbands in this year 2019 in Jesus name. But I have had to encourage quite a handful of wives who say they are totally fed up with being the sole provider of their homes while their husbands contribute little or nothing for the upkeep of the family. 
First, I agree and hold firmly to the fact that wives are created by God for the purpose of being a helpmeet (suitable helper) to their husbands. Going by what we find in Genesis 2:18 God made a wife as a helper to her husband, in that passage we didn't read that God gave specific instructions on the area of the man's life where his wife is to come in and help. And so, we can conclude that in any area where a man needs help, God has provided his wife for him as a suitable helper. 
But in the case of the wife, helping your husband as God has ordained you to requires wisdom and divine wisdom at that. Proverb 24:2 says it is through wisdom that a house is built and then we read in Proverbs 14:1 that a wise woman builds her house, and so we know that building a house requires wisdom, but more so is it that building a marriage requires divine wisdom. Now, applying this understanding into the financial situation of those marriages with transferred responsibilities and roles, I will say that it is unwise for a wife to start to assume the breadwinner role simply because her husband is unable to pick the bill. 
I know you are the suitable helper to your husband but before you turn yourself into the principal financier of the family because of a temporary setback in your husband's finances, have you, first of all, prayed about it? Have you consulted with the God who knows the end from the beginning and has the solution to all problems? Before you begin to play God in the life of your husband in the name of helping him, have you prayed and God told you to start paying the bills? 
A lot of women are quick to swing into action and start to rescue financially without first of all praying (and believe me, I am also guilty). Now, this is the likely way it will play out. As soon as your husband sees that you have come to the rescue, he is relieved and grateful initially. Then he relaxes in his struggle because he realizes that his wife would always come to the rescue. And then, over time it stops being his responsibility and becomes that of the wife's. If care is not taken the wife will not just take care of the financial needs of the home, but also the personal financial needs of her husband and soon the burden becomes too heavy for her to carry. 
So you understand what I am trying to put across, let's take an example of a wife who has a help maid in the house, she will bother less about a handful of house chores in the home simply because she knows the maid will take care of it. As a matter of fact, they become her responsibility and not that of the wife who is the owner of the house. Even in some cases, the personal needs of the children move from being the responsibility of the wife/mother to the maid. In the same way, once your husband begins to perceive that his wife is capable of handling financial issues, he starts to withdraw and because we wives are more emotional than wise, we are quick to embrace the challenge as part of helpmeet duties till they become our primary duties. 
But note this, you are not helping your husband by carrying on his responsibilities as your own. Again, take for example you have a child who is not doing well in school. You sure won't go to school to write your child's exams for him/her simply because he/she is failing. The only logical thing to do is support the child to read well, write the exam him/herself and pass well. But you won't sit for the exam on his/her behalf. In the same light, it is not the best you start to pick the bills simply because your husband is having a setback. 
The ideal thing to do is to pray open heaven on your husband finances. Pray that God will breathe life into his work or business such that the income will be jaw breaking. Seek the face of God on his behalf and encourage him with words and continue to boost his self-confidence, till you are able to wake up the giant in him. If you can have faith and trust God to do the impossible in your life, then you should be able to trust God and have faith to do the impossible in the life of your husband.
This approach may sound mean and unrealistic, but it is doable for those who know how to trust God deeply. I once found myself in this same situation in the first few months of my marriage. Because I was earning more than my husband we had this unspoken understanding that I would be the primary financier of the family. But to the glory of God, I lost my job just a year into our marriage. Two years after losing my job, I was still the one sweating with the financial burden of the family even though my husband was working. In desperation, I began to pray and seek the face of God. I began to tell God that He should bless my husband and enlarge his territory and make him a full husband capable of handling all husband responsibilities. I fasted for him, made seed offerings in our church to God on behalf of my husband and I just would not stop. My prayer then was that, if I can't meet up with the financial burdens of the family, then God should lift my husband up financially so our children don't suffer. If I am not working, then my husband who was working should be able to earn enough to meet the needs of the family.
God faithfully heard me and my husband began to grow in his career. He saw a newspaper advert for a job and applied. He gave me the application letter to post for him, but before posting it, I knelt before God with the application letter held high and I prayed on it. To the glory of God alone my husband got the job. Ten years now on the job and he has grown to a very high position in the organization. And he is not just bearing the needs of the family but also meeting our wants. And sincerely, I am enjoying my life. 
I gave a talk in a church and admonished the wives that its time they begin to seek the face of God to bless their husband's finances such that what they, as wives earn, becomes peanuts and totally irrelevant compared to what their husbands are earning. In that way, your money big as it may seem to you, becomes too little to make any meaning to your husband. Consider this, what business will someone like Bill Gate have with his wife's income? As a wife, you are a helpmeet to your husband and not in competition with him. When you make efforts to pray the power and glory of God on your husband's finances, you are better off at the end of the day. 
The main focus of today's blog is that being a suitable helper to your husband does not mean you should take up his responsibilities and start to do them. That is not God's assignment to the wife. Your assignment is to do all that is within you to help your husband become the best that he can be. Taking up your husband's responsibility as yours will get him laid back and prevent him from personally challenging himself to be better than he is. 
If your husband requires your financial assistance and he asks you for same, please help him as his suitable helper but don't make it a habit of always jumping and doing what you should not be doing because you can't keep your emotions in check. When you do that, on days you don't have your husband will not believe you don't have and then he begins to pick up fights. Before you become the breadwinner, take a step back and pray. Don't start to play God in the life of your husband, rather pray to God on behalf of your husband that God will be God in his life and do for him and in him what only He (God) can do. When God is God in your life and every situation of your marriage you will not have any reason to grumble or regret.
Till I come your way again, remain blessed.   

Friday, 14 December 2018

A Wife as God's Tool of Change in the Life of Her Husband

You can please listen to the audio version of this blog by clicking on this link   https://soundcloud.com/aderinsola-obasa/a-wife-as-gods-tool-of-change-in-the-life-of-her-husband, but I will advise that if possible you read the blog and listen to the audio. They are both loaded with valuable information. 

We had our very first Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic and it was a session packed full of information and secrets to achieving a wonderful marriage experience. More than you would have imagined I did more of learning and when it was time for me to do my presentation, I almost had nothing to say. But there are more of such sessions to come. We will be learning together to success in Jesus name.
There are a lot of issues and questions that came up in the course of the couple’s clinic and we will be considering them and answering some of the questions in a series of blog posts before we pick a date for the second edition of the couple’s clinic.
One of such questions will be the topic of today’s blog post and I pray the Holy Spirit will give us an understanding of the matter. And the question is “How can one tell a woman who has been emotionally abused by her husband to still submit to him?” Those in attendance, who attempted to answer the question gave “God’s Grace” as the only possible solution to that case scenario. And though I totally agree to that submission but would like to give a better explanation to the matter.
First, we need to understand that submission as an instruction in marriage was not given as a rule to the wife by her husband or anyone human, it was given as an instruction by God. And that instruction does not come with a condition and no qualifying adjective. So, the wife is supposed to submit to her husband unconditionally just as the man is meant to love his wife unconditionally.
With that at the back of our minds, we now talk of submission not as a thing pleasing to the husband or as a role of manipulation in marriage, but as obedience to the instructions of God. So, the focus of your submission in marriage is not your husband, but God. You are submitting to your husband to please God irrespective of what your husband does and does not.

1 Peter 3:1-2 
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence f your lives.

I will want to use an illustration to bring to life the above Bible passage. A wife who has been praying to God for a change in the life of her husband is like a nurse who is working with a Doctor in carrying out a surgical operation on a patient. When a doctor is to carry out a surgical procedure on a patient, he requires tools to work with. He will need a set of surgical knives, surgical blades, materials to suture the part of the patient’s body where the operation was done and many other tools as may be so required. Now all the materials are assembled by the assisting nurse. It is her responsibility to prepare these materials ahead of the operation and as the doctor needs and asks for any material, she gives them to him immediately and watches on as the doctor does his thing.
If 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that it is through submission of the wife to her husband that an unbelieving husband is won over to God, then this doctor-nurse illustration is so very appropriate to describe what we don’t see in the physical but takes place in the spiritual. Now, your husband is the bad one needing help and to that end, I will not argue or contest it. And then we invite the almighty Doctor who alone can bring about the change we want to see in our husbands into the situation; we invite God to do in our husbands what He alone can do. But then, for God to do His thing we need to give Him the tools to work with. As a wife you are the assisting nurse enlisted to assist God in doing what He alone can do best in your husband and marriage.
Tools to provide ready for this repair operation in the life of your husband are listed in the Bible; things like submission which is the most important tool of all, you will find purity and reverence (1 Peter 3:1-2), you will find hard-work (Proverbs 31:10-31), you will find wisdom which is essential for building a home, you will find understanding, you will find knowledge (Proverbs 24:3-4), you will find strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25). All these are the tools a wife needs to make available for God to work with as He brings about a glorious change in the life of her husband.
You can then imagine if a doctor who needs to operate on a patient needs a surgical knife to open his patient up and there is no surgical knife available. Well without any further story, the operation will be put on hold until the nurse makes a surgical knife available. In the same manner, if God needs to work on your husband and he needs your submission to work with and submission is not available, then whatever work God needs to do in the life of your husband will be put on hold till submission is made available for Him to work with. And this explains why God didn’t put any condition or clause to the issue of submission on the part of the wife in marriage.

A wife who has a revelation of the dealings of God will submit to her husband and put her emotions on hold with the understanding that it's not her husband that she is focusing on, but God. And this helps her to put her anger or any other negative emotion she feels towards her husband on hold as she strives to please God in obedience to His word for her in submitting to her husband as unto the Lord.
It is only when a wife keeps her focus of submission on her husband that she gets depressed by him. When her focus of submission is on God, her attention for submission is shifted from her husband to her God. Then no matter the obstacle that tries to stop her obedience, even when such is coming from her husband, she is not moved. She just keeps on submitting to her husband as unto the Lord. So, while she is doing what God requires of her, God is also doing what she requires of Him in the life of her husband. And so, she is making herself available for God to use in making her husband a better person.  

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   


Saturday, 24 November 2018

A Woman's Secret to a Successful Marriage 2

If you prefer to listen to this blog rather than read through, you can click on this link to do so https://soundcloud.com/aderinsola-obasa/a-secret-to-a-womans-success-in-marriage-2

In today’s marriage blog, we will be looking at the benefits of submission in the marriages and lives of godly wives in the Bible. I acknowledge the fact that as a wife total submission can be tough most especially in the light that a wife believes so much in herself and her conviction tells her she is right, and her husband is wrong. In some other cases, to tell a wife who has been treated badly by her husband to submit to him in all things as unto the Lord is a big issue, noting that this same mean husband has done nothing to deserve his wife’s loyalty, least of all her submission. But like I noted in my last post, God did not put the adjective “except” in the rule, and so submission is not a subject of how good or bad your husband is. Submission is simply obeying God’s word for your life irrespective of the fact that it’s your husband that benefits from such an instruction.
But submission is like building a house when you are constructing a house it takes a lot from you. You have to put a sizeable chunk of your resources into the building project, your money, time, thoughts and everything goes into building that house. Even when you have a building engineer on site, you still need to go do some supervision from time to time. But once the building is completed, it becomes your property, your pride, your evidence of hard work. Likewise, is what it takes to build up a marriage through submission. You need to stoop to conquer. You need to put in all your submissiveness and prayers to enjoy a glorious marriage. Through the help of God, you need to invest so much in submission so much so that you radiate the infilling of the glory of God in your life such that not your words will touch your husband and move him to love you, but your deeds and actions.
So, we will begin by looking at that wife called Sarah. Sarah is an exemplary wife that I just always love to love. If she is the only godly wife, we are able to glean from, we will be learning so much from her.
In Genesis 12:10-20, Sarah did something that I am still finding hard to comprehend. She agreed to her husband’s (Abram) plot to say that she was his sister rather than his wife in order to save the life of her husband. In this agreement, there are a lot of “what ifs” that would ordinarily make me as a wife decline to such a plot (before my understanding of submission). I hold my integrity and self-esteem high and that also I know I need to protect. Such a plot simply tells me how low my husband regards me, and that is another heartbreak in itself for me. There is a lot of reason that will justifiably make me not agree with this kind of arrangement. Abraham was a man God chose and he obeyed; how come he couldn’t then trust God to protect him and his wife from the hands of Pharaoh in Egypt. But in all these Sarai obeyed. She agreed with her husband, she did just what she was told to do. Even though her heart was heavy, even though she could have been grossly disappointed in her husband, yet she obeyed him. She went along with the plan.
I am so very convinced that Sarai didn’t stay in the palace with both eyes closed. She must have been soaked in tears and prayers. While Sarai was in anguish in the palace, Abram was busy acquiring sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants and camels (Genesis 12:16). Yet his wife was a prisoner in Pharaoh’s palace in the name of wife. Was it a crime for Sarai to be beautiful? The answer is No. But what we read here is what the beautiful Sarai had to sacrifice for the success of her marriage. Now not for love, because no-one would right-mindedly do such for love, but in obedience to the word of God that says wife submit to your husband in everything.
Sarai didn’t take the seat of a queen in the palace of Pharaoh, because if she did, she would have been sleeping with the king and that was adultery which God hated, but I believe, she was there praying. She was there petitioning God concerning her situation. She was crying for help to heaven and it got to a point God realized she needed to be set free. It wasn’t Abram that went to get his wife, even though he was meant to love and protect her, it was God Himself who rose to her help from heaven. The Bible said God inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Sarai until Pharaoh handed Sarai back to her husband Abram (Genesis 12:17-20).
If this had just been a one-off situation it would have been accepted as just a one-time error and easily forgiven, but Abraham committed the same blunder in Genesis 20:1-End. Again, he told his wife to agree to say she was his sister before Abimelech king of Gerar. So, she went through all that emotional torture all over again. And this time a little worse because she was barren, and another woman had produced an heir to all her husband owned. Remember that Abram started getting wealthy on account of her imprisonment in the palace of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Pharaoh treated Abram well and he acquired so much wealth just because of Sarai in Genesis 12:10-20. And so, all that wealth that she suffered for would be handed over to the son of a bondservant, and now she was made to go through the emotions all over again. I don’t know if you get the picture of things, but it is not a good thing for any woman to go through.
But again, Sarah obeyed. She did as her husband told her to and just as it was expected Abimelech took Sarah as wife and Abraham enjoyed the favor of the king and the good of the land at the expense of his wife. And yet Sarah obeyed until God came to her rescue a second time. And this the sacrifice of submission that Sarah had to invest in her marriage for her to have the last laugh.
Can we now say that Sarah did all these for the love she had for her husband? For me, I would answer no, even though that was the request Abraham made of her (that was how she was to show him she loved him (Genesis 20:13)). But who does this kind of thing simply for love? I believe she did it for God and that is why even in the New Testament Sarah was referred to as the godly woman of old (1 Peter 3:5-6). Because Sarah obeyed God by obeying and submitting to her husband, God came through for her all the time. And in Genesis 21, just after the episode of Genesis 20, Sarah became pregnant and became a mother even at the age of 90years. All her tears were permanently wiped away. Her story change, she harvested the fruits of her plenty sacrifices; she delivered the covenant child that God promised, she became the mother of many nations after all.
But what if she didn’t submit, what if she gave up and walked away? I believe we would never have Sarah to hold in such high esteem thousands of years after she is gone. And you know what, when Isaac was born Sarah had to power to walk Hagar and her son out of her home, and when Abraham was reluctant God added His voice to the matter that indeed Hagar should be removed from the picture. No bond-child would inherit with Isaac what Sarah had so much sacrificed for (Genesis 21:8-20). She lived the latter part of her years happier than her former years. She reaped the fruits of her labor. Her seed of joy bore fruits for her in old age.
This I believe is a huge lesson for me and for as many as would read this. Have you sacrificed as much as Sarah in submission to your husband in obedience to the word of God for you in marriage? It’s important that we know and understand that it’s not the husband that gave the rule of submission in marriage and even though some husbands have capitalized on it to boss or lord-it-over their wives, on the long run, God gave the rule, He accesses our performance and rewards us accordingly. The more of sacrifice you put in, the more reward that comes from it for you. There is grace available at the throne of God to help and if you desire a beautiful, peaceful, joyful marriage, you need to invest as much in that marriage. Many are already enjoying the dividends of their investment in marriage, start investing in yours too.  


I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   



Monday, 19 November 2018

A Woman's Secret to Success in Marriage

You can listen to the audio version of this blog post here

It’s so very late in the night or should I just say the very early hours of the morning, but I can’t sleep without penning something down as the Lord lays it on my heart. Quite a number of times I have had people complain about how unpractical some of the things I share are. And the aspect where a wife has to submit to her husband in everything is the one that seems most unpractical to a lot of wives. The general thought for us women is that submission comes easy when a man loves his wife and treats her with respect and so if the husband wants his wife to submit to him, he must first show her love.
Before I confirm or disagree with this notion, I want to sound a note of warning that this message and the messages I write on my blog are strictly for those who seek God’s approach to marital issues above what their minds, tradition and the norm of the society accepts for marriage. In so many ways these traditions and norms have not withstood the test of time and the high rise in divorce rates have shown their ineffectiveness. So, permit me to sound foolish with some practical advice on marriages that have proven to be effective even in my marriage.
In the next couple of days, I want us to take a critical look at that word submission and what its effect is in attaining a successful marriage. For those who are used to reading my blog, they would be familiar already with my marriage scriptures (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7), and those are the scriptures I will be focusing on in the next couple of days again.
Like I said earlier, my content is not meant for those who are wise in their own sight and think they can handle their marriages by themselves using baseless set of traditional rules and norms, but for those who know and are certain that success in their marriages or any area of their lives are based on the leading of God in their lives. Those who seek success in marriage and life using the God approach. And they are willing to do it exactly the way the Bible says it should be done without giving God’s word their own personal interpretation.
With that sorted out, I want us to take a minute to wonder why God would tell the wives to submit to their husbands, knowing that there are some very mean husbands out there? Why isn’t He giving exception to that rule knowing that there are some men who abuse their wives both physically and emotionally? At least to such a marriage situation, God could have relaxed His rules a bit or put some excepts in the clause of the rules.
I have had to wonder about this on more than one occasion, but every opportunity that God has, He shows me the unmatchable effect of submission in marriage and more than once I have shared my story on this blog. Now, 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, a wife should submit to her husband so that, if peradventure he (her husband) does not believe in God, he may be won over to God without words, but by the behavior of his wife, when he sees the purity and reverence of her life. Now, this is the practical aspect of what God is asking us to do; submitting to our husbands is an act of obedience to God and every act of obedience to God will not go unrewarded by God. Then when you submit to your husband as his wife it delights him, our obedience to our husbands draws them to us. When we receive grace and strength from God and let it show in our daily lifestyle which our husbands see and are impressed about, they are drawn to us and in no time,  they begin to seek the source of are strength and then begin to seek God. And a man who truly seeks God and his drawn to God will obey God just like his wife is doing and when he is obeying God, he will love his wife and care of her like himself. Now, this is the ripple effects of what God has asked us to do. This is the outcome of submission in marriage. It may be tough to obey but we are the beneficiaries of our submission in the long run.
There are so many examples of the benefits of submission in the Bible and we will spend a little time starting from this post in looking at them as the Lord leads. But I want to share a resent experience of mine with you.
Very early into this year, my husband opened a fabric store for me. He spent quite an interesting amount of money tastefully doing the shop and it was a beautiful. But when it was time to stock the shop with goods my husband gave me so very little. In fact, it was about a third of what he spent in renovating the shop that he gave me to stock the shop with. As you would expect, I was very upset. I wanted to go borrowing but he warned me against it. So, he wouldn’t give me money and would not allow me to go borrowing to sort myself out.
But I was reminded of submission in my spirit. God never stopped ringing submission into my spirit. So, I obeyed my husband and didn’t go borrowing. I was frustrated because what I had in the shop was scanty for the beauty of the shop. I kept sitting in the almost empty yet beautiful shop and I continued to pray. Along the line, I discovered the power of social media and I began to display my fabrics on social media even though I didn’t have them at hand. To the glory of God people started buying from me online, and after six months of the shop in existence, the sales I have made in the shop accounts for just about 10% of our total sales as a business. The remaining 90% of sales is from our online customers.
The big lesson that I want to share in this story is that if I had fought my husband and forced him to give me money to buy a sizeable goods in the shop, that does not amount to the fact that the sales there would improve, and I would never have discovered the power of social media. I would have been frustrated by the low sales, and that would have resulted in more fights between us knowing that I have a result-oriented husband. He would have complained bitterly about the low sales.
But I obeyed and now I am better off. I have my shop looking nice and not as scanty as the initially time when I first opened it and my marriage is intact without any disagreement. And so, submission is not a dead end in marriage, rather it is the divine wisdom that we need as bedrock in building a solid foundation of a successful marriage.

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   


Thursday, 8 November 2018

Is He Truly Irresponsible

In today's post, I want us to take a second look at the definition of irresponsibility in a husband. Quite a handful of wives have had to carry the burdens of their marriages all alone and when I say burdens, I mean the financial burdens of their marriages with little or no contribution from their husbands. But there is a twist to this accusation that I want us wives to take a second look at. Could it be that we are the cause of the irresponsibility that we accuse our husbands of? Sometimes it's important we tell ourselves the truth. 
A typical example is the story of this lady who has a very good job and like every mother wants the best for her children. You know the idea that your children must go to high-end schools and the need to create a standard for yourself and your family. Well the truth is creating a standard isn’t bad at all, but the financial implications of that must be put in proper perspective and agreed upon by the husband and wife who are one people.
Now, this lady wants her children in a particular kind of school in line with the standard of living she wants to create for herself and family. The husband on the hand thinks the school fees are too high and he can’t sustain the payment. The wife insists on taking the children to the school of her choice and the husband looks on without complaining or contributing to the payment of the humongous school fees. It’s not a matter of paying what he can afford, but that he totally refused to make any payment to such a school. Now can one then say such a husband is irresponsible?
In as much as I do not want to make a case unnecessarily for irresponsibility in husbands but in truth there are two sides to a coin. About 8years ago, we wanted to change school for our children and going by my own opinion I felt we should enroll them in a high standard school. I did my primary education in one of the best and one of the most expensive schools in Lagos at that time and I wanted the same for my children. I carried on the notion that the educational foundation of our children was very important as all other things would build on it.
I wasn’t wrong, but could we afford my dream school for our children. My husband sat me down and told me his budget for school fees. I was heartbroken, but I obeyed, and he shopped for a cheaper school than I wanted for our children. In fact, when people asked me which school my children were going to and I mentioned it, I still would need to add a brief explanation to that name stating that it was a new school (well that was the truth) just they don't look down on us. But what people thought or felt really doesn't matter. Whichever way the end justifies the means.  
But my children graduated from their school successfully and were able to match up with children from the high paying schools. Now they are in big schools and their father can afford it all the same. I didn’t regret the fact that I had to step down my dreams for my children at that time to be in line with the size of their father’s pocket to fund.
On the other hand, I know a lady who wants to enroll her children in a tertiary institution. Based on the combined income of both her and her husband, she felt sending their two children to a private university would be a cost too high for them to bear given the fact that they had a third child in school, and there are other bills to pay. But her husband insisted that he wanted his children in a private university. Everything this lady did to persuade him against such a decision fell on deaf ears and it was beginning to cause a problem between them.
All she was trying to do was to avoid a situation where her husband would demand that she contributes to the high school cost of the children. She asked me for advice on the matter and the fact that the children also were already getting excited about going to a private university and were beginning to see their mum as their enemy of progress.
When we spoke, I advised her to follow her husband’s lead, document all the cost of the school’s enrollment of the children other than just school fees, and present to her husband, so he has a clear understanding of the total cost of his decision without making any attempt to augment the payment. She should let him know if they need to buy a new set of clothing and the cost, the cost of feeding and transportation and any other cost as they may arise.
I am not sure if she did as I advised, but I know today that the children have been enrolled into a private university and she told me that her husband is really pleased with her that she didn’t go against his wish. She said her husband treats her like they are just getting married for the first time.
I have presented 3 different case scenarios in this write-up, they are real-life practical cases. For the wives who succumbed to the will of their spouses even though they differed in opinion, have ended up with better results. Their marriages are intact and the education of their children is not in any compromised at the end of the day. As a matter of fact, my children who attended a primary school not so expensive are able to compete well and match up with students who attended expensive primary schools. And when we could put them in a more expensive secondary school we did. Ensuring that we get value for our money.
Again, I repeat that I am not making a case for lazy men, but don’t call a man irresponsible when you stretch him beyond his limits just because you want to set an unrealistic standard in order to create an impression within your circle of friends and associates. You might just be sacrificing the peace and joy of your marriage in order to please or feel-among with people who care very little about you. You can’t call a man irresponsible when you make him do things he is certain he cannot afford or want to make him set a standard of living he knows within him he cannot sustain.
A handful of women have destroyed their own marriages with their own hands for vain reasons. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1 that “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” When your husband grows to be irresponsible, there is the needs to cross-examine yourself to be sure you are not part of the reasons he has become irresponsible. Don’t exert undue pressure on your marriage for reasons that are vain and not rational, it’s a cost too high to pay for vainglory.

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/