Why Does God Seek Godly Offspring? Understanding Malachi 2:15

There are various reasons why adults want to have children. For some, it’s to remove societal stigma from their lives; for some, it’s like a symbol of love and connection, as your children become a seal on the bond of your union; still, for some, it’s to fulfill tradition; and yet, for others, it is for legacy. 

Malachi 2:15 says, “Has not the Lord made them one?  In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.”

In the first paragraph, I mentioned some of the reasons why we as humans long to have children. But in the scripture above, we will notice that just as we long to have children, so also does the Lord seek godly children from the marriage union of a man and his wife.

In this blog post, I want to understand and appreciate a few things about parenting by answering two questions that we may have regarding the desire of God for godly offspring. The questions are: “Why does the Lord seek godly offspring?” “How do we give God the godly offspring that He seeks?”

Why Does God Seek Godly Offspring? God's Purpose for His Children

One thing that will easily come to mind here is that children are from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.” So you wonder: if sons are a heritage from the Lord, why then would He seek godly offspring from a marriage union?

Genesis 3:15 says, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” A godly offspring that the Lord seeks is one who will fulfill this judgment of God on the serpent. And offspring that will continually crush the head of the serpent.

One hidden truth that I find in this scripture is that the Lord mentioned first that the offspring of the woman will crush the head of the serpent. If the head of the serpent is crushed, the serpent is dead and unable to strike the heel of the offspring of the woman. It is only if the head of the serpent is not crushed that it can strike the heel of the offspring of the woman.

So to say that the offspring God seeks are those who will fulfill what He has pronounced over the serpent. The offspring that God seeks are there as warriors to do the will of God by effecting His judgment. To crush the head of the serpent.

While Jesus Christ holds the ultimate victory over Satan, those who believe in Him have become children of God and joint-heirs with Christ (John 1:12; Romans 8:16–17). And Romans 16:20 tells us that the God of peace will crush Satan under our feet. Therefore, the godly offspring that God seeks are not merely children who know His Word, but a generation raised to stand in Christ's victory and fulfill His purposes on earth.

Matthew 6:9-10 says, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” This scripture is taken from the Lord’s prayer that most of us can recite off our heads, but in it, I believe, is another reason why God seeks godly offspring from the man and the wife of his youth.

Jesus taught us to pray to God that may His Kingdom come and may His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. And the answer to that prayer is in the godly offspring that He seeks. It is not angels who will do the will of God on earth, but the children born into the earth; the godly offspring that the Lord seeks.

I believe that we understand better now why God desires that our children are godly; it is to crush the head of satan and to bring the kingdom of God here on earth and to do the will of God as it is done in heaven.

Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring — discover why God desires godly children, His divine purpose for the next generation, and how parents can nurture faith, instill His Word, and raise children who advance His Kingdom and fulfill His will on earth.

How to Raise Godly Offspring Through God's Word

Earlier on, I mentioned to us that children are a heritage from God. This is nothing short of the truth, but the gift of children from God would have to be trained in a godly manner by the parents whom the Lord has blessed them with, so they can fulfill their God-ordained purpose here on earth.

So God blesses us with children and assigns us to train them for His purpose. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “These commandments that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

 God did not just give us children and then tell us He seeks godly offspring from our marriage union, but He took the time to tell us how to achieve His desired goals in the lives of our children.

To have God’s Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven, we will need to have the commandments of God upon our hearts; we will be soaked in them; we will talk about them when we sit and when we walk along the road; when we lie down and when we stand up, we must tie them as a symbol on our heads, bind them on our hands, tie them to our door-frames and our gates.

But after all that, we must impress them on our children. So, to say that we must live and breathe the word of God and not that alone, our children after us must live and breathe the word of God too. Because how do we bring the kingdom of God down to earth and do the will of God on earth when we don’t know what those words or will are?

How do you display heavenly culture when we don't have an idea of what that culture is? How can the offspring of the woman crush the head of the serpent when he does not have the power or strategy to do so?

In order to give God the godly offspring that He seeks, we need to teach them God’s words, and in fact impress them on our children. I tried to understand what Moses was talking about when he instructed that we should impress the Lord’s command on our children.  

What I found as the meaning of impress upon is to make someone clearly understand or feel the strong importance, value, or seriousness of an idea, rule, or lesson. It is to stress a point so another person realizes it truly matters. It is to leave a deep, lasting effect on someone’s memory, thoughts, or conscience. You need to drive home the point to your children.

You need to instill the word of God in your children, emphasize it, hammer home the point, and ensure they understand it. But more importantly, let them see the word of God active in your own life. Your children need to see you live and breathe the word of God too. Your daily living should be a daily confirmation of the efficacy and truthfulness of God’s word.

Impressing the commands of God on your children and having yourself as a living example of the power of God’s word all amount to you sowing seeds in the lives of your children. Now, it is important to sow seeds, and that act of sowing seeds of God’s word in the lives of children is within the capacity of parents from whom God seeks godly offspring.

Why Prayer Is Essential in Raising Godly Children

But there is another important task required of the parents. When a farmer plants a seed, he can water it, nurture it, and remove weeds that may be competing with the plant for the available nutrients. He can protect the seed from birds, worms, and any other parasite that may hinder the growth of the plant.

But whether the seed will germinate or not is beyond what he can determine. This is the same thing when it comes to us impressing the word of God on our children. That is the first important step; the second step, which is equally as important, is to pray for our children.

As parents, we need to always pray for our children so that what we have painstakingly taught and impressed on them stays with them. In John 10:10, Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”

The thief does not steal what is of no value. The word of God in the lives of your children is of great value, and it is a target for the devil to steal and destroy. And just like that farmer who nurtures his plants, parents also need to cover the seed they plant in their children with prayers. First, you need to pray that the seed germinates, and then you pray that the plant is protected and not stolen or destroyed.

God seeks godly offspring because He desires generations of people who will know Him, live according to His Word, and fulfill His purposes on earth. As parents, we have been entrusted with the responsibility of raising children who will stand for God's truth and advance His kingdom.

We fulfill this assignment by first living according to God's Word ourselves, then diligently impressing that Word upon our children. But just as a farmer cannot guarantee that every seed he plants will germinate, we must recognize our dependence on God. That is why we must never stop praying for our children, asking God to establish His Word in their hearts and preserve them in His ways.

Our responsibility is to plant, nurture, and pray, trusting God to bring forth the increase.

 

Please find other helpful parenting blog titles below. You can click the title to read the blog.

How to Raise Godly Children: Biblical Lessons for Intentional Parenting

How Can I Raise Godly Children When I Feel Overwhelmed?

How to Parent Adult Children: Biblical Guidance Without Control

How to Train Up a Child in the Way of the Lord: Biblical Parenting Tips 

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How to Train Up a Child in the Way of the Lord: Biblical Parenting Tips

When one comes across a naughty child in public, the first thing one wonders about is: “Who are the parents of this child?” The first thing that society questions is the quality of training that this child was given by their parents in the privacy of their home. It is generally believed that it is what a child is taught at home that they display in public.

A child who is in trouble in school would have their parents summoned to school, and the underlying discussion would be the quality of training the child is getting at home. So, training a child is a very important part of parental assignment.

A parent is not just to feed, clothe, shelter, and love a child, but they are also supposed to instill good values and morals in that child for many reasons. First, so that they can be valuable members of the community; for their own advancement in life (your attitude determines your altitude); and for the peace of the parents who trained them. Proverbs 19:13 says, “A foolish son is his father’s ruin.”

In my own words, to train a child is to teach them specific values, norms, skills, and knowledge for the goal of making the child a good vessel in God’s hands, a good contributor to the community, a good person for their own growth when they are old, and a source of peace for the parent who trained them.

Training a child is a holistic, beneficial task that does not come easy. Training a child is better imagined than lived, and it takes a lot of effort, prayers, intentionality, determination, love, and courage. Putting all these together in one word, training a child is work.

Some of the questions I want us to address in this blog article are: “When does training a child begin?” “How can we train our children effectively?”; “Do you stop training a child when they are old?” By the time we are able to address these things, I believe we will be able to learn a thing or two as parents assigned to train children for the Lord.

Why Is Training a Child Important According to the Bible?

Malachi 2:15 says, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.”  

From the scripture above, we know for a fact that one of God’s expectations from married couples is that the Lord was seeking godly offspring from their union. We also read in Genesis 18:19 that God chose Abraham so that he would teach his children and household after him to keep the way of the Lord.

So the task of training a child is not just about a parent falling in love with the child they birth and wanting the best for them; it is an assignment handed down to parents by God. So when a person feels like he has a call of God on his life and he has been blessed with children, that first call is to train your child or children in the way of the Lord.

When Should Parents Begin Teaching Children About God?

I have mentioned the benefits of training a child, and also noted that training a child is an assignment from God, but when does the training start? To train is to teach a skill; we begin to teach our children from the moment they are born, even when we don’t realize it.

The first skill we teach them is how to latch on to the breast to feed, and for some who are bottle-fed, we train them to feed from the bottle. And the training takes different forms at different phases of their lives.

But as they grow, the curriculum changes. It’s no longer about how to feed, training them to walk or talk, or how to grip things. It proceeds to teaching them not to lie, to treat others with kindness and respect; to know and maintain boundaries. We go on to teach them about hard work; we introduce them to different career choices.

 But the most important teaching they need to learn is that we teach them about God. 1 Samuel 1:22 shows something about the training of a child in a way that I think we need to see.

1 Samuel 1:21-22 says, “When the man Elkanah went up with his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the Lord and to fulfill his vow, Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, ‘After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.’”

Hannah left her son in the house of the Lord right from when he was weaned. You would argue that she was fulfilling a vow she made to God, but the story of Samuel speaks volumes about the fact that the foundation of his life was rooted in the house of God.

When we want our children to make a great impact through their lives, the first decision we need to make on their behalf is to root their foundation in God. That does not imply taking our children to church and leaving them there, but it means teaching them about God and grounding them in the things of God as soon as they begin to speak.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The training you need to teach them, and that they will grow with, is the training in the knowledge of God, and that training starts when they are young because that training is the foundation on which they build other aspects of their lives.

But before we discuss the next question, I want to say that if, before you understand life better, you didn’t start your children with the knowledge of the things of God, it’s never too late to start. It would have been easier to start early, but it is more dangerous never to start at all. The Lord seeks godly offspring from you as a parent.

With that said, the next thing I want us to learn is how to train our children. In my last blog article, I discussed parenting adult children, but since we have established earlier that it is easy to start training our children early, we can begin from the start.

Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring — discover God’s purpose for raising godly children, how to instill biblical values from an early age, lead by example, discipline with love, and nurture a lasting foundation of faith through intentional parenting.

How to Train Up a Child by Leading Through Example

One effective way to train children is to model for them the values we want to build in them. We need to start by practicing what we preach. It is counterproductive when you are telling your children to act in a certain way while you are doing the opposite. What your children see you do, they will also do. So, parents who want to train a child begin by training themselves.

Some months ago, my daughter came to seek my permission to go to an all-night party, and she said the party would end around 2.00 am and she would be sleeping at her friend’s place near the venue.

I must first say that she is an adult, 22 years of age. But she is still my daughter; I am still her parent, and she is still living with me. She was preparing for her final exams as an undergraduate, and I knew that refusing to let her go would come with some form of rebellion.

But God helped me. My response to her was a question, and I asked her that since she knew me to be her mother, had she ever seen me say I was going to an all-night party and would not sleep in my house? That question was all the response she needed to tell her friend she was not interested in the party.

My point in this story is that, by the grace of God, I try to be a living example that my children can copy, and their attitude will give me peace. What I teach them to do is also what they see me do, and if I am better off for it, they are convinced that they will also be better off if they do the same.

Biblical Child Discipline: Correcting Children with Love and Wisdom

Sometimes training a child may require tough love. I know that the society we live in is against physical abuse of children, but here is what the Bible says in the scriptures below.

Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”

Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”

Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”

While society frowns at the use of the rod as a form of discipline, the Bible tells us it is an escape from death. It is important that it is safer for a parent to discipline their children themselves than to have society discipline these children for them.

It is safer to correct your child with a cane in an act wrapped in love and with the goal of correction than to have that child serve jail time. So, when the Bible says that when you love your child, you discipline them, it is very correct.

But I must say that there is abuse in the home too, and that should not be wrapped in the garment of discipline. Some evil-minded parents torture their children in the name of discipline, and that is different from what Solomon is talking about in the scriptures above.

When you infuse love into discipline, that is training and correction with the goal of bringing the best out of your child. But when you take away love from discipline, and you take your frustrations out on your child, that is no longer discipline; it is torture and abuse.

Effective discipline is done in love; it is meant to correct and add value to the child. A child who is disciplined fully understands what he has done wrong and knows why he is being disciplined. The parents discipline and yet communicate the reason for the discipline so the child understands not to repeat the behavior and understands that there are consequences for wrong actions.

Anything short of what is described above is an abuse, and that is not what the Bible is telling us to do as parents.

The Role of Communication and Prayer in Raising Godly Children

Another way to train a child is to be available for your child. Training is made easy when there is an effective line of communication; a strong bond exists through a friendly and familiar relationship, and there is trust earned and held by both the parent and the child.

You can instill values in your child through the discussions you share with each other, and your child trusts you enough to share what they are thinking and experiencing, and you can guide and correct at the early signs of trouble. You need to be available to listen when they need someone to talk to.

Children listen and follow the instructions of those they trust. The importance of earning your child or children’s trust cannot be overemphasized. If you want to deposit those good values in their lives easily, earn their trust first.

And you need to pray for your children and over your children without ceasing. There is no one-size-fits-all strategy to parenting. A parent with two children has two children with different character traits and different parenting demands. And the only one with an effective parenting strategy is God.

You need to always be in the place of prayer, fighting for the souls of your children even when everything looks okay. The discernment and strategy you need daily to train your child in the way of the Lord come from God, and you tap into that resource daily in the place of prayer.

Training up a child in the way of the Lord is a lifelong assignment that requires intentionality, love, discipline, availability, and prayer. It begins when our children are young, but it does not end when they become adults. As our children grow, our parenting methods must evolve, but our responsibility to guide them in the ways of God remains.

And to answer our final question, when does parenting end? The truth is that once you become a parent, you will always be a parent. I discussed this in greater detail in my previous article, “How to Parent Adult Children: Biblical Guidance Without Control,” which I encourage you to read as a follow-up to this teaching.

  

Please find other helpful parenting blog titles below. You can click the title to read the blog.

How to Raise Godly Children: Biblical Lessons for Intentional Parenting

How Can I Raise Godly Children When I Feel Overwhelmed?

How to Parent Adult Children: Biblical Guidance Without Control

Your next faith-building book could be one click away. Shop the TWTS Book Store and discover powerful reads for marriage, family, prayer, and spiritual growth.

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How to Parent Adult Children: Biblical Guidance Without Control

When a child turns 18, society generally begins to recognize them as an adult, capable of making independent decisions and taking greater responsibility for their life. But does reaching adulthood mean that a parent's responsibility suddenly ends?

Does a child's eighteenth birthday mark the end of parenting, or does it simply introduce a new phase of the assignment? The questions I want us to answer in today’s blog are: “When does parenting end?” and “What does it take to parent adult children?”

Does Parenting Ever End? What the Bible Says About Parenting Adult Children

The first truth I want us to hold onto is that as long as you have children, you will always be a parent. Parenting never ends if God has blessed you with living children. And the government might excuse you from the liabilities of your children once they are over the age of 18 years, but God does not excuse you from your parenting duties till you are called to Him after death.

When God said in Genesis 18:19 that “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what He has promised,” He didn’t mean toddlers alone or children below the age of 18 years.

So, abdicating our parental duties over children when society tags them as adults may mean abandoning our God-given assignment as parents. And I find the story of Prophet Eli in the book of 1 Samuel chapters 2-4 very apt for telling the role of parents in the lives of their children irrespective of their ages.

Eli's Sons: Biblical Lessons on Parental Responsibility and Discipline  

I can’t write all three chapters of the Bible in this blog, but we can summarize the story. Prophet Eli was a Prophet of God ministering in God’s temple. As a priest, it is expected that Eli would be a busy man, and not much was said about his wife, but a lot was said about his children.

1 Samuel 2:12 says, “Eli’s sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the Lord.” One thing I am discovering in this one-line scripture is that the Bible didn’t first give us the identity of the wicked men; it didn’t start by telling us their names. It started by telling us the sons of who they were.

The passage goes on to tell us what they were doing that earned them the adjective wicked. And verse 17 of 1 Samuel 2 says, “This sin of the young men was great in the Lord’s sight, for they were treating the Lord’s offering with contempt.” But you begin to wonder that it was the young men who sinned and not their father. This is where parenting begins to show its importance.

1 Samuel 2:22-25 would have exonerated Prophet Eli because the Bible says that when he heard about the sins of his sons, he tried to call them to order. But the human standard may be that this effort could have counted for something, but it fell far short when it was assessed by God.  

1 Samuel 2:27-36 is where we see God send a word of judgment on Eli for a sin he didn’t commit directly, but that came through parenting deficiencies in his sons.

1 Samuel 2:29 tells us why Eli’s rebuke fell short by God’s standard; it says, “Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?”

So now we know that Eli honored his sons more than he revered the God He served. And I am tempted to think that his love for his children exceeded his love for the obedience of God’s laws. And I wonder if that may sound familiar to some who may be reading this blog article.

Loving your children is a no-brainer; you cannot parent your children effectively without loving them, but love needs to be combined with discipline to achieve God-standard parenting. And this situation reminds me of the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22.

This story reminds us that our love for our children must never take precedence over our obedience to God. When Abraham was tested, he demonstrated that even his love for Isaac would not stand in the way of his devotion to God. This is an important lesson for parents: loving our children deeply should never require us to compromise the values and principles God has given us.

I want us to be clear that the only sin of Eli in the story in 1 Samuel 2-4 was to honor his sons more than God’s sacrifice. What we as parents would regard as a minor issue – something that isn’t so deep is exactly what led to Eli’s judgment.

1 Samuel 3:13 says, “For I told him that I would judge his family for ever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.” The sin of his sons was the real sin, but the sin of Eli was the sin of not parenting his sons well.

Two things have gone wrong here: Eli was a priest in the house of God. He had authority over that house. His children were priests in the house of God by lineage. So, Eli was not just a father to his children; he was their boss. He failed in his priestly duties to protect the things of God and failed as a father by not restraining his children.

The Bible tells us that Eli’s sons were men; another verse calls them young men. But these sons were not toddlers; they probably were not teenagers; they were men. Still, the Lord required that Eli restrain his young men sons. And when he didn’t, he was condemned for it.

This is a very big lesson for parents, and what I am learning along with you as I write this is that, as parents, we can never take our eyes off the ball when it comes to training our children in the way they should go.

The call of God on Abraham’s life to teach his children and household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just is not just for Abraham, but for every parent. God will not judge and condemn a failed parent and excuse another. It is the same standard across the board because God is not partial.

Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring — discover God's purpose for parenting, biblical principles for raising godly children, and how to nurture their faith, guide their decisions, and fulfil your God-given responsibility at every stage of their lives.

Job's Example: The Importance of Praying for Your Adult Children

Another parent with a different outcome that we can find in the Bible is the rich man called Job. The Bible calls him the greatest among the men of the East in his time. And with that, I would infer that Job must be a very busy man too.

But Job’s wealth and busy schedule never made him take his eyes off his children. Job 1:4-5 tells us of the fatherly qualities of the great man called Job. We learn from Job 1:2 that he had seven sons and three daughters, and in verse 4 we are told that his sons would take turns to have a feast in their homes and invite their sisters.

While these feasting periods lasted, Job was always on standby, waiting, and as soon as it was over, he would gather his children together and purify them before the Lord in case they had sinned and cursed God in their hearts. And the Bible tells us that was Job’s regular custom.

Job would not wait for God to tell him his children had sinned; he was proactive enough to act ahead. He was a busy man, yet he took his parenting assignment very seriously because that alone could destroy all he had built before the Lord.

Gleaning from these two great men of God above, we can gain a handful of insight into the task of parenting adult children. But parenting generally begins not when a child is old, but from the day they are born. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

An adult child grows into the values they have been trained with right from when they were born. I totally agree that it is very possible and real that society and the associates we keep can corrupt good values, even for those who were raised with good and godly values, but that is where adult parenting kicks in.

A good parent does not just rely on the good values they have raised their children with, but they are on standby and watching to ensure those values are not corrupted even when the children are adults. A parent never stops parenting.

Job must have trained his children well, but he was always waiting for their feasting period to end for them to be purified. Not that he was sure they had sinned, or that he got a report that they had sinned, but as a precaution to ensure the values he had trained them with still stayed with them.

How to Guide Adult Children Without Controlling Their Decisions

I shared in my last post that parenting requires availability. An effective parent is one who is always available for their children irrespective of age. For you to succeed as a parent, you must be available for the assignment.

But I must say that effective parenting also requires godly strategy. The way a toddler is parented is not the same as parenting an adult child. Toddlers can be forced into compliance, but adult children need to be convinced into making good and right decisions. And if we don’t get this difference, we might be dealing with rebellious children who will eventually detest us as parents.

Ephesians 6:1-4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instructions of the Lord.”

The NKJV version of verse 4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” This scripture proves to us that there are different phases of parenting. There is the phase of application of the rod (Proverbs 13:24), and there is also the phase of godly admonition.

Admonition is defined as “a firm warning, gentle reproof, or piece of advice given to guide someone’s behavior, correct mistakes, or prevent impending error.” From this definition, we see a lot of values to take away: a firm warning, gentle reproof, a piece of advice, correcting mistakes, and preventing impending error.

Parenting adult children should not be about controlling them. It is about guidance and setting the right examples and models that they can follow and copy for their own lives. Parenting adult children is not about making decisions for them but about guiding them to make the right decisions themselves.

A parent of an adult child is more like a marketer of values. You are trying to sell your good convictions to your children at that stage of parenting. You are trying to convince them of the benefits of making the right decisions rather than taking the easy but dangerous road.

And this is where praying for them is very important. Your ability to control dwindles, but God’s ability to control never shifts its position. At the point where your words don’t make sense to them anymore, God’s word never loses its power. Your word may be powerless, but God’s word is ever powerful, so invoke God’s word over them in prayer.

Isaiah 54:13 says, “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great shall be your children’s peace.” When you can't do the training anymore, hand it over to God and don’t stand in His way. But ensure that, by all means, your children are trained right.

When Parental Love Becomes Control: A Lesson for Christian Parents

A 22-year-old daughter is always at odds with her father. They almost never get along, and she would say that her father is too controlling. The mother has had to do a lot of coming in between to settle fights between them.

So the mother and daughter got talking one day, and she was crying. The mother realized hate was gradually developing in her, and she was becoming resentful of her father. After praying, she got a word from God that helped her get through to her daughter. And I am sharing this story with you per adventure if it will help a parent reading this.

The mother told her daughter that the father and mother have different parenting styles. While the mom seems a lot more approachable and not so forceful, she is very watchful, but the father’s parenting approach was more of a preventive approach.

He never wants his children to get into trouble, and irrespective of age, he forces compliance, which they have termed as control and are resenting. All he is doing is coming from a place of deep love. He never wants to see his children hurt.

But that is seen by them as excessive control. While the intention is coming from a place of love, the approach no longer fits the phase of life the children are in. So, they tend to think their father wants to run their lives for them, and they fight it.  

I must point out that not all controlling parents do so out of love, and this should not be generalized. The intent for control differs and may be from a deprived and evil place. But I mentioned that the mother prayed first and got a word from God.

It is only God who searches the deep things of the heart of men. Before making excuses for a thing, consult with God first and let Him reveal to you what you need to know to solve the problem.

Back to the story: But the mother has a different parenting approach. She talks to them and advises them on what to do and lets them make their call. They decide for themselves, but she is on her knees daily, praying for her children, and she is there to celebrate their wins and redirect their mistakes.

This open discussion between mother and daughter has strengthened the relationship between her daughter and her husband. But the mother did one more thing. She prevailed on her husband to evolve his parenting approach so as not to lose the love he so cherishes.

How to Build Trust and Maintain a Healthy Relationship With Adult Children

Communication is important for effective parenting. To build effective communication, there must be a strong relationship bond between the parents and children – whether adults or young children – a relationship must exist.

The children must be able to trust their parents enough to listen to them. And the parents must intentionally build a strong relationship with their children that is strong enough to earn their trust. With a two-way trust that is embedded in a strong bond, communication is a lot easier.

Parenting requires intentionality, availability, and growth. As a parent, you need to understand that as your children are growing, so are you, and so should your parenting methods and approach evolve. But the biggest of all these is that you should never stop parenting, and you should never stop praying for your children.

As parents, we must never forget that the children God has entrusted to us are part of our stewardship before Him. We cannot simply withdraw from our responsibilities because society recognizes our children as adults.

We remain accountable for how faithfully we have instructed, corrected, guided, and demonstrated godly living to them. While our adult children are responsible before God for their own decisions, we too must be able to give an account of how we fulfilled our assignment as parents.

 

Please find other helpful parenting blog articles below. You can click on the title to read the blog.

How to Raise Godly Children: Biblical Lessons for Intentional Parenting

How Can I Raise Godly Children When I Feel Overwhelmed?

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How to Raise Godly Children: Biblical Lessons for Intentional Parenting

What will our children say was our legacy as parents? I watched people honor a successful man after his death. But what impressed me wasn't primarily what he had achieved professionally. It was what people said about him as a father.

It was said that despite his very busy schedule and disciplined lifestyle, he didn’t joke with his assignment as a father. If this actor has left a legacy in his departure from the face of the earth, it would be that he left behind children who would make the world a better place for others.

Intentional Parenting: Your Children Shouldn’t Get What Is Left of You

One of the men I respect so much in the Bible is the man named Job, whose story is in the book of Job. There are many beautiful qualities that Job had, but the one that I respect and admire the most is his intentionality as a father.

Job 1:4-5 says, “And his sons would go and feast in their houses, each on his appointed day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offering according to the number of them all. For Job said, ‘It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.’ Thus Job did regularly.”

Some things caught my attention about the man and father called Job; he was very rich; the Bible said he was the greatest of the people of the East in his time. So, we are not discussing minor wealth. That tells us that Job would naturally be a very busy man.

Shortly after the Bible tells us about his wealth and his greatness, the verse that follows tells us about his fatherly traits. So to say that Job’s work ethic is not running contrary to his parenting assignment. He pays attention to his children as much as he does to his wealth. 

That speaks loudly to me.

There will always be legitimate demands on our time. Work can be demanding. Building a career can be demanding. Running a business, pursuing financial stability, serving in ministry, and managing the responsibilities of everyday life can all be demanding. But success in one assignment does not give us permission to neglect another assignment God has entrusted to us.

Job was successful, but he was also intentional. He worked, but he watched. He prospered, but he still paid attention to his children. His commitment to his work did not run contrary to his commitment as a father.

And perhaps that is one of the first lessons we need to learn about intentional parenting: our children should not receive only what is left of us after everything else has taken its share.

Parenting Is a God-Given Assignment

Interestingly, in Genesis 18:19, we see God saying that He chose Abraham so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.

We need to know and understand that parenting is not a trivial issue. Those we give birth to will grow to be the custodians of the society we live in. And so, the future of that society rests on our ability to give it well-nurtured and disciplined custodians. The value of our society is determined by the value of those who live in it.

Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring — discover God's purpose for parenting, the power of prayer in raising godly children, and how to seek His wisdom, guidance, and protection as you nurture their faith and prepare them to fulfill His divine purpose.

Parental Availability Matters More Than We Sometimes Realize

I have often shared that for the better part of my married life, I have been a stay-at-home mom. And if there is something I have strongly prayed about, it’s my ability to earn my own income. There is nothing I want more than to have my own financial independence. 

This desire is not a dream; I graduated from the university about 25 years ago, and I had been gainfully employed before I got married. So I always wonder why God has held me down in this aspect of my life, while he has answered almost everything else that I have prayed about.

And what I have come to realize is that there is an assignment God wants me to fulfill that requires attention. And that assignment is parenting. Please note that the fact that I am not financially independent does not mean I am lacking. When it comes to my needs, God has always come through, and my husband has been fantastic.

But more than my financial independence, God is more interested in the fruits produced from my marriage. While God has blessed my husband, the kind of wealth that would give him the flexibility of time to be as busy as Job and yet be available for our children still remains a prayer point for us.

But while he remains gainfully employed and is sometimes required to stay away from home for a long stretch of time, God ensured that I am made fully available to fill the parenting gap for both of us. Though I want the money, I am always in awe of God’s wisdom in the path He has charted for my family. 

As a stay-at-home mom, I have learned that one of the most important aspects of parenting is availability. And that does not mean just physical presence, but emotional, psychological, and even moral availability.

I have been there to care for, listen to, counsel, scold, cheer them on, watch programs with them that I am not interested in, advise on haircuts, and pass comments on makeup. Every phase of their growth requires a different approach and a different form of availability.

Before I jump ahead, I want to state that not all mothers would be called to be a stay-at-home mom. And pursuing and excelling in a career path is not a sin and does not make anyone less of a parent. The important word is availability for the children.

If both parents pursue careers that still afford them room to be available for their parenting assignment, then that is a great opportunity. But that is different from the reality of my own circumstances.

Parenting Doesn’t End When Your Children Become Adults

Going back to the story of Job and his children, one thing I gleaned from it is that Job’s children were not young. They were adults living in their own homes, because the Bible tells us that they would take turns to have a feast in their houses.

And yet Job was so invested in their lives that, though he was not interfering, he was still watching from a corner, observing when they would be done with their round of feasts, and then he stepped in to sanctify them. He was not imposing, yet he was available. And that shows that “parents never go off duty.”

Your Children Are Watching the Life You Model

Another important thing that I noticed about effective parenting is the ability to model the behavior you expect from your children. If you don’t want your children telling lies, it’s important that you don’t tell lies and, most importantly, don’t let them hear lies from you. Children learn from what we deliberately teach them, but they also learn from what we never intended to teach them at all.

I am a very homely person. I hardly go out. I think if there is anything I am lazy about, it’s picking up my car keys to drive out and visit a friend. The interesting discovery I have made is that my older children also don’t particularly like leaving the house. So they have the routine of school and home, or work and home.

And though they don’t have anyone stopping them, it’s just what they have seen in the parent they have spent the most time with. Just as Christ has come to model the acceptable way of living to us as children of God, we must understand that we also practice what we preach to our children.

Never Stop Praying for Your Children

One assignment we cannot stop as parents is to pray for our children. Isaiah 54:13 says, “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” This scripture is activated and made manifest through prayer.

The wisdom to direct your children comes from God through prayer. The discernment to know what they need and when they need it comes from God through prayer. No parents, on their own merit, without the help of God, can effectively raise godly children.

Parenting is too important to leave to chance. We may not always get everything right, and our circumstances will differ, but God has entrusted children to us for a reason. We must be intentional about being available, model the values we want them to embrace, and continually place them before God in prayer.

Our children will eventually grow up and build lives of their own, but our assignment to love them, guide them wisely, and pray for them never truly ends.

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Can a Submissive Wife Be Financially Independent? What Ephesians 5 and Proverbs 31 Reveal

We often mistake submission for a wife burying her identity in the husband she has married. The assumption is that a submissive wife is not allowed to build a purpose outside of her husband’s purpose. And for some marriages, when a wife desires to seek financial improvement for herself, she is seen as defying the ethics of a good marriage.

In a handful of my marriage posts, I have described a wife as a suitable helper to her husband. A God-given help to a man to help fulfill his destiny and be all that God has ordained him to be. Even though that is very true, as we find in Genesis 2:18-25.

But understanding this scripture to mean that a wife’s duty is only to do the will of her husband would not just be a great disservice to the wife but, more importantly, to the husband. It simply means you are incapacitating the vessel that God has assigned to help you.

Submission Should Not Silence a Wife’s God-Given Potential

When God instructed the wife to submit to her husband, I don’t believe it was on the premise of losing her capacity to think for herself or take initiatives that will help her develop her own capacity and skills.

When a husband deliberately suppresses his wife’s God-given abilities because he fears her independence, success, or financial strength, what appears outwardly as leadership may actually be insecurity or control.

Unfortunately, what that would mean is that you have incapacitated your God-ordained help and support such that she is unable to effectively help you when you need her to.

Let us examine what Ephesians 5:22-24 says about God’s expectation from a wife. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” So, we understand that when a wife submits to her husband, she is doing so in the same strength as submitting to the Lord.

But when submitting to the Lord, we don’t feel caged in. Submitting to God is freedom; it’s liberty; it’s strength-building. A wife who submits to God yields herself to the authority of God. But what the authority of God does in her life is lead her to discover her strength and purpose.

When we yield to God’s authority, it leads to growth in potential and advancement. When you are under God’s authority, your discernment is sharpened; strategies for growth are received. And you are all around the best version of yourself.

A husband who is being submitted unto as unto the Lord holds it as his duty to imitate God’s reaction to the privilege of that submission. When a wife honors her husband with her submission, it’s not because she has not been endowed with talent and value from God; it’s that when she combines what she has with what God has given her husband, they both have a good reward for their labor.

Can a Submissive Wife Work and Build Financial Independence?

One of the benefits of submitting to God is what we see in Deuteronomy 8:18, where Moses tells us that it is God who gives us the power to make wealth.

A husband may not have the power to make wealth that he can give to his wife, but he has the power not to hinder her from freely expressing God’s gift in her life and giving her the room to harness the power to make wealth that God has given to her.

There are instances where a husband would forbid his wife from working or earning a living. And such a man demands submission to that instruction. For some, they use the excuse of not wanting their wives stressed, but rather to stay home and take care of the children.

For others, they don’t want their wives exposed to the possibility of meeting other men in the name of working. While a godly wife is supposed to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, this instruction, no matter what excuse we may have for it, is not healthy for the husband and the wife alike.

Why Financial Empowerment Can Strengthen a Marriage

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”

The scripture above speaks to the heart of why it is dangerous for a man to prevent his wife from financially empowering herself when the opportunity and power to do so is available to her. When the husband experiences downtime, which is almost a constant in a man’s life journey, then he would have no one to help him up.

This would not be that God did not provide the support he needed ahead of time, but that he suffocated life out of the support. Having a wife whom you have prevented from earning a living when she possibly can is like being alone with no one to help.

I understand that there will be instances where circumstances are the things preventing the wife from earning income, which is different from the husband insisting she should not work. And I will not rule out cases where she is still waiting on God for her own breakthrough.

But when a wife is sitting at home not earning a living simply because her husband instructs her to do so, not because of any meaningful reason but just because of his own selfishness, such an instruction can be very limiting; not just for the wife, but also for the husband.

Insecurity, competitiveness rather than a complementary outlook, and excessive ego force some men to struggle alone when they have abundant help made readily available for them that they have refused to exploit.

God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage — discover biblical principles for building a marriage where submission does not erase purpose, leadership does not become control, and both husband and wife can grow, contribute, and thrive together in God’s design.

The Proverbs 31 Woman Was Productive, Capable, and Trusted

Proverbs 31:10-31 is the part of the scripture that speaks of a wife of noble character. She is a strong, successful merchant whose husband has allowed her to harness all of God’s gifts for her life, and from which her husband benefits, because she takes care of her household from her earnings.

Her husband is so secure that he sits at the city gate with elders. Her productivity does not diminish her husband. On the contrary, the household prospers, and her husband is respected among the elders at the city gate.

When a Wife Wants to Help but Cannot Contribute Financially

I am very passionate about this discussion because this is my lived experience. For the better part of my marital life, I have lived as a stay-at-home mum without earning any income. This wasn’t because my husband stopped me from working; it’s because I couldn't get a job.

I graduated from the university some 25 years ago, but by God’s design, I find myself raising four lovely children as my full-time job. But while I am not complaining, and God has been gracious to my family in that He has provided for us adequately from just a single source of income from my husband, I still understand what it feels like not to be able to support financially.

I have known the pain that my husband feels when the account spreadsheet isn’t looking good, and there is no support. I know firsthand what it means to really want something but cannot even dare to dream of it because some other things should take priority.  

While I know that my situation is not because my husband is limiting me, and my breakthrough is coming, I still feel the pain of being helpless when I know I should be a source of help. And when I listen to my husband plan the income for the family in a way that we are just getting by, it cuts deep.

To now imagine that a man would deliberately put his wife in a financial confinement simply to preserve control over her is not an expression of the sacrificial love Scripture requires from a husband.

What Abigail Teaches Us About Wisdom, Initiative, and Courage  

As I round up this article, a story in the Bible comes to mind. The story is found in 1 Samuel 25:2-end. The scripture is a long one, so I will summarize. It’s about a very wealthy man named Nabal, whom the Bible describes as harsh and evil. He had a wife named Abigail, whom the Bible describes as a woman of good understanding and beauty.

Nabal offended King David, and David promised to kill him. Words got to Abigail, his wife, that David was on his way to kill her husband, and she sprang to action and went to appease David on behalf of her husband without his knowledge.

The lesson that I got from this story is that Abigail possessed enough wisdom, competence, courage, and practical authority to intervene when her husband's foolishness placed the household in danger. That singular action saved her husband from David, even though it didn’t save him from the wrath of God.

The Ephesians 5 Wife and Proverbs 31 Woman Are Not Opposites

So, I will finish with this: A submissive wife is still an intelligent woman; she is full of talents and value that are designed to position her for greatness. There is no conflict between the Ephesians 5 wife and the Proverbs 31 wife. Scripture does not present one woman who submits and another woman who succeeds.

The Proverbs 31 woman is industrious, financially productive, discerning, entrepreneurial, trusted by her husband, and deeply committed to her household. Biblical submission and female capability are not enemies.

The Ephesians 5 wife does not disappear when the Proverbs 31 wife appears. They are not two different women. A wife can honor her husband's leadership and still think, build, create, earn, invest, lead, contribute, and become everything God has equipped her to become. Submission was never God's instruction for a woman to become less.

Restricting a wife from being all that God has called her to be in the name of submission would only mean that the husband will be laboring all alone when he is supposed to labor with the suitable help that God has given him. He would hardly find room for rest. 

My book, God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage, walks you through biblical principles for building a marriage that honors God and remains strong through the different seasons of life.

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Finances in Marriage: What Does the Bible Say About Who Should Pay the Bills?

I once spoke to a friend who was divorced, and she was telling me some of the things that her husband did that hurt her feelings. One of them was that immediately after she was able to get a job, her husband split all the house bills in half and demanded that they share the bill payments, and she had to remit her own portion to his account every month. 

Her husband singularly paid all the bills while she was unemployed, but as soon as she began to earn income, he set the rule that she had to pay her own share of the home’s running costs. And this is not a case in isolation. All over the internet, there have been debates about whether the husband and wife should share the bills or not.

What Does the Bible Say About Financial Responsibility in Marriage?

Before sharing anything about how to handle financial stress in marriages, we need to check the Bible, God’s own word, to understand the mind of God when it comes to the matter of money and its impact on marriages.

One of the most popular scriptures when it comes to the matter of finance and marriage is 1 Timothy 5:8, and it reads, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially those of his household, he has denied the faith and worse than an unbeliever.”

From this scripture, and the role of the man as the head of the home, and the one assigned by God to care for his wife as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-29), and train his children in the way of the Lord, we won’t argue with the fact that the husband is the primary financier of the family.

A good man ensures that his family is well taken care of, and he would do whatever it takes to ensure the well-being of members of his home. A good man is sacrificial in ensuring he fulfills his God-given assignment, because his assignment is to follow the pattern laid by Jesus.

So, expecting a man to go above and beyond in this regard will not be a surprise. But more importantly, the underlying catalyst is love. A man who loves his family deeply and genuinely will do what it takes to care for them sacrificially. A man who loves will do all that is within him to show that love, and financially providing for his family is one of the means of showing that love.

Should a Wife Help Her Husband Financially?

But there is another caveat to this theory. A man who is genuinely needing help to fulfill his God-given role as the provider for his family has not sinned if he seeks the financial support of his wife when he is sure she is capable of providing that support.

In discussing this angle of the matter, I want us to consider Proverbs 31:16-18, and it says, “She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.”

The scripture above is the description of a virtuous woman. The Proverbs 31 woman is not idle. She is industrious, resourceful, productive, and willing to use her abilities to contribute to the flourishing of her household, including financially where she has the opportunity and capacity to do so.

Should Husbands and Wives Split the Bills 50/50?

The question that then comes to mind is: Is she supposed to be earning income to hand it over to her husband, or is it right for the husband to demand that she shares in equal proportion the family expenses simply because she is earning income?

While there is no right or wrong answer to these questions, we can glean wisdom from God’s word as we try to approach this. Genesis 2:18 describes what God has in mind when He formed the woman. That verse says, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

So, the woman that God made and handed over to the man, who then became his wife, was formed as a suitable helper for the man. If we agree to this truth, then a man asking financial help from his wife, who is formed for him as his suitable helper, is not out of place.

God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage — discover God’s principles for navigating money, responsibility, and financial support without resentment or division, and build a marriage where love, honor, unity, and God’s design come first.

Marriage Is a Partnership: Two Are Better Than One

But more than this, the angle I want to approach this from is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, which says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

A good wife should be readily available to help when it is required of her, first because she is her husband’s suitable helper, and because that is what partners should do naturally; they should help one another up in times of a fall.

But when a man refuses to carry out his financial obligations to his family and shies away from his responsibilities not because he does not have the means to, but because his wife works hard and earns income, then 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us that such a man has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So being able to do and not doing when it comes to a man’s financial responsibility to his family is an act of irresponsibility. I have seen a man who continually grows in God’s blessings, and one of his secrets to success is that he cares for his family sacrificially. Nothing is too much for him to spend for the comfort of his family.

When Financial Support Becomes a Weapon in Marriage

But there is another side of the coin that I want to talk about. There is another true-life story of a divorced couple, and one of the husband’s pain points is that the wife really does help whenever she is called upon to support financially, but when there is a slight misunderstanding, she starts to recount all that she has done for the husband.

She will hound him with the house furniture she bought, the home appliances she paid for, and the mortgage she supported, and, as such, make the man feel worthless. And so one begins to wonder if the financial support was even worth it in the first place.

Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” And verse 23 says, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”

These scriptures above tell us what is expected of a good wife. It is not enough that a wife supports her husband financially, but that she honors him even while doing so. Money should be a blessing and not a curse. It should be enjoyed and not used as a weapon.  

Submission, Money, and Obedience to God

If you then ask me what I would do if I were in the position of a wife whose husband has asked for financial assistance. First, because communication between my husband and me is very active and we discuss a lot, I will not wait for him to ask before jumping in to help if he needs it.

If you ask again what I would do if my husband demanded that we share the household bills equally, my answer is that I would pay my share. Not because I believe that a 50/50 arrangement is fair, but my submission to my husband is ultimately an act of obedience to God.

Ephesians 5:22–24 tells wives to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord. Therefore, my focus would not simply be on whether I agree with my husband's decision or not, but on whether I am obeying what God has required of me. Unless what my husband asks of me requires me to disobey God, I cannot define submission as yielding only when I agree with him.

My husband is responsible before God for how he leads me, and I am responsible before God for how I respond to his leadership. If his decision is unfair, God can deal with him concerning his responsibility; but I should not allow his failure in one area to become my justification for disobedience in another.

So, when I pay that bill, I am not merely putting money toward a household expense. I am choosing to honor God's Word. I believe that no sincere act of obedience to God is wasted. God sees the heart from which that obedience comes, and He is the One who rewards those who honor Him. My confidence, therefore, is not in the fairness of the arrangement, but in the faithfulness of the God whom I am ultimately obeying.

In my own real world, I am a stay-at-home mum who does not earn income yet, but my invaluable contribution to my husband is priceless and well appreciated by my husband. But when I do earn income, what I would do is what I have described above.

I will say this as my closing: The husband is the primary provider of the home. God, knowing that there will be downtimes in a man’s life journey, provides a suitable helper for him in the person of his wife. A good wife should not sit idle; as much as she can, she should earn income or strive to earn income.

A wife who financially supports her husband does what is good. But more than just supporting your husband financially, how you do it matters. Do it while protecting his honor. A man who has the capacity to take care of his family financially but does not has lost the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Financial disagreements are rarely just about money. They often reveal deeper questions about responsibility, sacrifice, trust, honor, submission, and how two people learn to function as one. And these are not principles we need only when financial pressure comes; they are part of learning how to build a marriage according to God’s design.

Today’s post is the twelfth in our three-month series on marriage. If this message has challenged you to look more closely at how God’s Word should shape not only your finances, but the way you relate to your spouse, then I invite you to go deeper.

My book, God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage, walks you through biblical principles for building a marriage that honors God and remains strong through the different seasons of life.

Click the book image or the "click for details" button below to get your copy.