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Saturday, 24 November 2018

A Woman's Secret to a Successful Marriage 2

If you prefer to listen to this blog rather than read through, you can click on this link to do so https://soundcloud.com/aderinsola-obasa/a-secret-to-a-womans-success-in-marriage-2

In today’s marriage blog, we will be looking at the benefits of submission in the marriages and lives of godly wives in the Bible. I acknowledge the fact that as a wife total submission can be tough most especially in the light that a wife believes so much in herself and her conviction tells her she is right, and her husband is wrong. In some other cases, to tell a wife who has been treated badly by her husband to submit to him in all things as unto the Lord is a big issue, noting that this same mean husband has done nothing to deserve his wife’s loyalty, least of all her submission. But like I noted in my last post, God did not put the adjective “except” in the rule, and so submission is not a subject of how good or bad your husband is. Submission is simply obeying God’s word for your life irrespective of the fact that it’s your husband that benefits from such an instruction.
But submission is like building a house when you are constructing a house it takes a lot from you. You have to put a sizeable chunk of your resources into the building project, your money, time, thoughts and everything goes into building that house. Even when you have a building engineer on site, you still need to go do some supervision from time to time. But once the building is completed, it becomes your property, your pride, your evidence of hard work. Likewise, is what it takes to build up a marriage through submission. You need to stoop to conquer. You need to put in all your submissiveness and prayers to enjoy a glorious marriage. Through the help of God, you need to invest so much in submission so much so that you radiate the infilling of the glory of God in your life such that not your words will touch your husband and move him to love you, but your deeds and actions.
So, we will begin by looking at that wife called Sarah. Sarah is an exemplary wife that I just always love to love. If she is the only godly wife, we are able to glean from, we will be learning so much from her.
In Genesis 12:10-20, Sarah did something that I am still finding hard to comprehend. She agreed to her husband’s (Abram) plot to say that she was his sister rather than his wife in order to save the life of her husband. In this agreement, there are a lot of “what ifs” that would ordinarily make me as a wife decline to such a plot (before my understanding of submission). I hold my integrity and self-esteem high and that also I know I need to protect. Such a plot simply tells me how low my husband regards me, and that is another heartbreak in itself for me. There is a lot of reason that will justifiably make me not agree with this kind of arrangement. Abraham was a man God chose and he obeyed; how come he couldn’t then trust God to protect him and his wife from the hands of Pharaoh in Egypt. But in all these Sarai obeyed. She agreed with her husband, she did just what she was told to do. Even though her heart was heavy, even though she could have been grossly disappointed in her husband, yet she obeyed him. She went along with the plan.
I am so very convinced that Sarai didn’t stay in the palace with both eyes closed. She must have been soaked in tears and prayers. While Sarai was in anguish in the palace, Abram was busy acquiring sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants and camels (Genesis 12:16). Yet his wife was a prisoner in Pharaoh’s palace in the name of wife. Was it a crime for Sarai to be beautiful? The answer is No. But what we read here is what the beautiful Sarai had to sacrifice for the success of her marriage. Now not for love, because no-one would right-mindedly do such for love, but in obedience to the word of God that says wife submit to your husband in everything.
Sarai didn’t take the seat of a queen in the palace of Pharaoh, because if she did, she would have been sleeping with the king and that was adultery which God hated, but I believe, she was there praying. She was there petitioning God concerning her situation. She was crying for help to heaven and it got to a point God realized she needed to be set free. It wasn’t Abram that went to get his wife, even though he was meant to love and protect her, it was God Himself who rose to her help from heaven. The Bible said God inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Sarai until Pharaoh handed Sarai back to her husband Abram (Genesis 12:17-20).
If this had just been a one-off situation it would have been accepted as just a one-time error and easily forgiven, but Abraham committed the same blunder in Genesis 20:1-End. Again, he told his wife to agree to say she was his sister before Abimelech king of Gerar. So, she went through all that emotional torture all over again. And this time a little worse because she was barren, and another woman had produced an heir to all her husband owned. Remember that Abram started getting wealthy on account of her imprisonment in the palace of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Pharaoh treated Abram well and he acquired so much wealth just because of Sarai in Genesis 12:10-20. And so, all that wealth that she suffered for would be handed over to the son of a bondservant, and now she was made to go through the emotions all over again. I don’t know if you get the picture of things, but it is not a good thing for any woman to go through.
But again, Sarah obeyed. She did as her husband told her to and just as it was expected Abimelech took Sarah as wife and Abraham enjoyed the favor of the king and the good of the land at the expense of his wife. And yet Sarah obeyed until God came to her rescue a second time. And this the sacrifice of submission that Sarah had to invest in her marriage for her to have the last laugh.
Can we now say that Sarah did all these for the love she had for her husband? For me, I would answer no, even though that was the request Abraham made of her (that was how she was to show him she loved him (Genesis 20:13)). But who does this kind of thing simply for love? I believe she did it for God and that is why even in the New Testament Sarah was referred to as the godly woman of old (1 Peter 3:5-6). Because Sarah obeyed God by obeying and submitting to her husband, God came through for her all the time. And in Genesis 21, just after the episode of Genesis 20, Sarah became pregnant and became a mother even at the age of 90years. All her tears were permanently wiped away. Her story change, she harvested the fruits of her plenty sacrifices; she delivered the covenant child that God promised, she became the mother of many nations after all.
But what if she didn’t submit, what if she gave up and walked away? I believe we would never have Sarah to hold in such high esteem thousands of years after she is gone. And you know what, when Isaac was born Sarah had to power to walk Hagar and her son out of her home, and when Abraham was reluctant God added His voice to the matter that indeed Hagar should be removed from the picture. No bond-child would inherit with Isaac what Sarah had so much sacrificed for (Genesis 21:8-20). She lived the latter part of her years happier than her former years. She reaped the fruits of her labor. Her seed of joy bore fruits for her in old age.
This I believe is a huge lesson for me and for as many as would read this. Have you sacrificed as much as Sarah in submission to your husband in obedience to the word of God for you in marriage? It’s important that we know and understand that it’s not the husband that gave the rule of submission in marriage and even though some husbands have capitalized on it to boss or lord-it-over their wives, on the long run, God gave the rule, He accesses our performance and rewards us accordingly. The more of sacrifice you put in, the more reward that comes from it for you. There is grace available at the throne of God to help and if you desire a beautiful, peaceful, joyful marriage, you need to invest as much in that marriage. Many are already enjoying the dividends of their investment in marriage, start investing in yours too.  


I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   



Monday, 19 November 2018

A Woman's Secret to Success in Marriage

You can listen to the audio version of this blog post here

It’s so very late in the night or should I just say the very early hours of the morning, but I can’t sleep without penning something down as the Lord lays it on my heart. Quite a number of times I have had people complain about how unpractical some of the things I share are. And the aspect where a wife has to submit to her husband in everything is the one that seems most unpractical to a lot of wives. The general thought for us women is that submission comes easy when a man loves his wife and treats her with respect and so if the husband wants his wife to submit to him, he must first show her love.
Before I confirm or disagree with this notion, I want to sound a note of warning that this message and the messages I write on my blog are strictly for those who seek God’s approach to marital issues above what their minds, tradition and the norm of the society accepts for marriage. In so many ways these traditions and norms have not withstood the test of time and the high rise in divorce rates have shown their ineffectiveness. So, permit me to sound foolish with some practical advice on marriages that have proven to be effective even in my marriage.
In the next couple of days, I want us to take a critical look at that word submission and what its effect is in attaining a successful marriage. For those who are used to reading my blog, they would be familiar already with my marriage scriptures (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7), and those are the scriptures I will be focusing on in the next couple of days again.
Like I said earlier, my content is not meant for those who are wise in their own sight and think they can handle their marriages by themselves using baseless set of traditional rules and norms, but for those who know and are certain that success in their marriages or any area of their lives are based on the leading of God in their lives. Those who seek success in marriage and life using the God approach. And they are willing to do it exactly the way the Bible says it should be done without giving God’s word their own personal interpretation.
With that sorted out, I want us to take a minute to wonder why God would tell the wives to submit to their husbands, knowing that there are some very mean husbands out there? Why isn’t He giving exception to that rule knowing that there are some men who abuse their wives both physically and emotionally? At least to such a marriage situation, God could have relaxed His rules a bit or put some excepts in the clause of the rules.
I have had to wonder about this on more than one occasion, but every opportunity that God has, He shows me the unmatchable effect of submission in marriage and more than once I have shared my story on this blog. Now, 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, a wife should submit to her husband so that, if peradventure he (her husband) does not believe in God, he may be won over to God without words, but by the behavior of his wife, when he sees the purity and reverence of her life. Now, this is the practical aspect of what God is asking us to do; submitting to our husbands is an act of obedience to God and every act of obedience to God will not go unrewarded by God. Then when you submit to your husband as his wife it delights him, our obedience to our husbands draws them to us. When we receive grace and strength from God and let it show in our daily lifestyle which our husbands see and are impressed about, they are drawn to us and in no time,  they begin to seek the source of are strength and then begin to seek God. And a man who truly seeks God and his drawn to God will obey God just like his wife is doing and when he is obeying God, he will love his wife and care of her like himself. Now, this is the ripple effects of what God has asked us to do. This is the outcome of submission in marriage. It may be tough to obey but we are the beneficiaries of our submission in the long run.
There are so many examples of the benefits of submission in the Bible and we will spend a little time starting from this post in looking at them as the Lord leads. But I want to share a resent experience of mine with you.
Very early into this year, my husband opened a fabric store for me. He spent quite an interesting amount of money tastefully doing the shop and it was a beautiful. But when it was time to stock the shop with goods my husband gave me so very little. In fact, it was about a third of what he spent in renovating the shop that he gave me to stock the shop with. As you would expect, I was very upset. I wanted to go borrowing but he warned me against it. So, he wouldn’t give me money and would not allow me to go borrowing to sort myself out.
But I was reminded of submission in my spirit. God never stopped ringing submission into my spirit. So, I obeyed my husband and didn’t go borrowing. I was frustrated because what I had in the shop was scanty for the beauty of the shop. I kept sitting in the almost empty yet beautiful shop and I continued to pray. Along the line, I discovered the power of social media and I began to display my fabrics on social media even though I didn’t have them at hand. To the glory of God people started buying from me online, and after six months of the shop in existence, the sales I have made in the shop accounts for just about 10% of our total sales as a business. The remaining 90% of sales is from our online customers.
The big lesson that I want to share in this story is that if I had fought my husband and forced him to give me money to buy a sizeable goods in the shop, that does not amount to the fact that the sales there would improve, and I would never have discovered the power of social media. I would have been frustrated by the low sales, and that would have resulted in more fights between us knowing that I have a result-oriented husband. He would have complained bitterly about the low sales.
But I obeyed and now I am better off. I have my shop looking nice and not as scanty as the initially time when I first opened it and my marriage is intact without any disagreement. And so, submission is not a dead end in marriage, rather it is the divine wisdom that we need as bedrock in building a solid foundation of a successful marriage.

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   


Thursday, 8 November 2018

Is He Truly Irresponsible

In today's post, I want us to take a second look at the definition of irresponsibility in a husband. Quite a handful of wives have had to carry the burdens of their marriages all alone and when I say burdens, I mean the financial burdens of their marriages with little or no contribution from their husbands. But there is a twist to this accusation that I want us wives to take a second look at. Could it be that we are the cause of the irresponsibility that we accuse our husbands of? Sometimes it's important we tell ourselves the truth. 
A typical example is the story of this lady who has a very good job and like every mother wants the best for her children. You know the idea that your children must go to high-end schools and the need to create a standard for yourself and your family. Well the truth is creating a standard isn’t bad at all, but the financial implications of that must be put in proper perspective and agreed upon by the husband and wife who are one people.
Now, this lady wants her children in a particular kind of school in line with the standard of living she wants to create for herself and family. The husband on the hand thinks the school fees are too high and he can’t sustain the payment. The wife insists on taking the children to the school of her choice and the husband looks on without complaining or contributing to the payment of the humongous school fees. It’s not a matter of paying what he can afford, but that he totally refused to make any payment to such a school. Now can one then say such a husband is irresponsible?
In as much as I do not want to make a case unnecessarily for irresponsibility in husbands but in truth there are two sides to a coin. About 8years ago, we wanted to change school for our children and going by my own opinion I felt we should enroll them in a high standard school. I did my primary education in one of the best and one of the most expensive schools in Lagos at that time and I wanted the same for my children. I carried on the notion that the educational foundation of our children was very important as all other things would build on it.
I wasn’t wrong, but could we afford my dream school for our children. My husband sat me down and told me his budget for school fees. I was heartbroken, but I obeyed, and he shopped for a cheaper school than I wanted for our children. In fact, when people asked me which school my children were going to and I mentioned it, I still would need to add a brief explanation to that name stating that it was a new school (well that was the truth) just they don't look down on us. But what people thought or felt really doesn't matter. Whichever way the end justifies the means.  
But my children graduated from their school successfully and were able to match up with children from the high paying schools. Now they are in big schools and their father can afford it all the same. I didn’t regret the fact that I had to step down my dreams for my children at that time to be in line with the size of their father’s pocket to fund.
On the other hand, I know a lady who wants to enroll her children in a tertiary institution. Based on the combined income of both her and her husband, she felt sending their two children to a private university would be a cost too high for them to bear given the fact that they had a third child in school, and there are other bills to pay. But her husband insisted that he wanted his children in a private university. Everything this lady did to persuade him against such a decision fell on deaf ears and it was beginning to cause a problem between them.
All she was trying to do was to avoid a situation where her husband would demand that she contributes to the high school cost of the children. She asked me for advice on the matter and the fact that the children also were already getting excited about going to a private university and were beginning to see their mum as their enemy of progress.
When we spoke, I advised her to follow her husband’s lead, document all the cost of the school’s enrollment of the children other than just school fees, and present to her husband, so he has a clear understanding of the total cost of his decision without making any attempt to augment the payment. She should let him know if they need to buy a new set of clothing and the cost, the cost of feeding and transportation and any other cost as they may arise.
I am not sure if she did as I advised, but I know today that the children have been enrolled into a private university and she told me that her husband is really pleased with her that she didn’t go against his wish. She said her husband treats her like they are just getting married for the first time.
I have presented 3 different case scenarios in this write-up, they are real-life practical cases. For the wives who succumbed to the will of their spouses even though they differed in opinion, have ended up with better results. Their marriages are intact and the education of their children is not in any compromised at the end of the day. As a matter of fact, my children who attended a primary school not so expensive are able to compete well and match up with students who attended expensive primary schools. And when we could put them in a more expensive secondary school we did. Ensuring that we get value for our money.
Again, I repeat that I am not making a case for lazy men, but don’t call a man irresponsible when you stretch him beyond his limits just because you want to set an unrealistic standard in order to create an impression within your circle of friends and associates. You might just be sacrificing the peace and joy of your marriage in order to please or feel-among with people who care very little about you. You can’t call a man irresponsible when you make him do things he is certain he cannot afford or want to make him set a standard of living he knows within him he cannot sustain.
A handful of women have destroyed their own marriages with their own hands for vain reasons. The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1 that “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” When your husband grows to be irresponsible, there is the needs to cross-examine yourself to be sure you are not part of the reasons he has become irresponsible. Don’t exert undue pressure on your marriage for reasons that are vain and not rational, it’s a cost too high to pay for vainglory.

I have package two books on marriage issues and so far, they have helped a lot of couples understand marriage better and their marriages are thriving today. Why add to the number of failed marriages when you can enjoy a beautiful life as couples and believe me when I say the grass is not greener on the other side. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen, those in it make it happen and then enjoy the fruits of their labor.
The E-book of “The Marriage Handbook” cost only N2000, while the E-book of “God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage” cost only N1200. Both books can be purchased directly from the link provided. The payment platform (Paystack) is trusted and secure and used by over 25,000 online business. You can either pay with your Debit Card or by using your account details. You E-book will be ready for download with a password to open the book provided, immediately your payment is made, no waiting time.

Click the link below to buy the Ebook






Click the link below to buy the Ebook





And if you have not registered for the Silver Lining Couple’s Clinic, it’s time you do so very fast, the seats are fast filling up and the speakers are getting ready to impart knowledge with the help of the Holy-Spirit. You just can’t afford to miss it. It’s not just a program for married couples alone, but for all those who want to know what marriage should truly be about. I look forward to seeing you there. Attendance is absolutely FREE, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08023171370 (WhatsApp). Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/   

Thursday, 25 October 2018

Investing Money in Your Husband: Is it Wrong?

It's another beautiful day and another glorious opportunity to learn a thing or two from today’s blog. I pray that by the power of the living God, today’s blog post will impact your life positively in Jesus name.
Last weekend I was invited to give a talk on the issue of marriage in a Church’s Men’s Convention and the wives were invited. I was invited to talk about marriage from a wife’s point of view. During the question and answer session, one of the questions that were asked inspired me to write a message on it. The question is this, “What about wives who have tried several times to give their husbands huge sums of money to start up a business in order to assist him in his responsibility as a breadwinner and all he has done is to squander the money with nothing to show for it. In this case what should or can the wife do again.”  
As a wife we are the suitable helper to our husbands, that is a God-given assignment and we will give account to God on how well we have performed. But in fulfilling this assignment we need wisdom from God and we need to connect with the Spirit of God always in everything we do. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Before you plan to or actually give your husband money to start off any business, did you pray about it first? Did ask God if that was the right thing to do or the God-approved way to help your husband?
This is where we miss the mark; it is very correct that we as wives are God’s suitable helper to our husbands, but where to help and how to help is a matter we need to constantly seek the face of God for, so we don’t run a fruitless race on the issue of marriage. A lot of times we need to put our emotions on hold and seek the face of God before we act. When you decide to pump money into the life of your husband without prior seeking God to know if it’s the right step to take, you do what you do on your own wisdom which is limited, and the end result of such action is not guaranteed.
I am a very big advocate of a wife financially assisting her husband when the need arises, but it is important that you put the matter before the Lord first and seek His direction on how to go about it before taking the step. Unless your husband demands your help on financial matters and as a wife under submission you are compelled by the Spirit of God in you in obedience to the word of God to submit to your husband and obey his instruction and release funds to him, you should not on your thoughts begin to pump money into the life of your husband without first seeking God’s thought on the matter.
As a wife, there are a lot of areas where you should and must help your husband be better than you met him that has little or nothing to do with money. The success of your marriage should not have money as a catalyst or a prerequisite factor. And so, as a wife, you should not assume in your mind that your husband will love you more or be a better husband to you because you lavish him with money. If that is what you think and work with, frustration may await you at the end of the day. When you don’t have money as you used to, then the marriage dies a natural death.
Let me tell a personal story at this point. About 11years ago the financial life of both my husband and I was in a very terrible state. When we got married I was earning more and so I had more to put in the family wallet, and shortly after we got married I lost my job. And then I began to pray. One of my prayer points for my husband was that God should provide him with all that he needs to be a good husband to me and a good father to our children. So the wisdom he needs, the financial resources, the moral-upstanding and whatever else I could think of to mention in my prayer and those I didn't have the knowledge to mention, I asked the Lord to provide all for my husband.
Some years later, my husband saw a job advert in the newspaper and he wrote an application for the job and brought it home to me to help him post in the post-office. Before leaving for the post-office I prayed on the application and entered into a covenant with God over that application that I want to give a testimony on it. My husband never knew that I prayed, neither did he know that I made a covenant with God concerning the application letter he gave me to post.
Two weeks after I posted the application letter he was called for an interview and then after another week, he was called for a second interview and then a week after that he was called for a third interview and wage negotiation and he indeed got the job to the glory of God. Now, I helped my husband as his suitable helper because all through the course of the series of interviews, I never stopped praying and when he came back home with not-to-good stories of how the interview went, I didn’t let it shake my faith. Today, 10years later, he is the head of the factory of the company. He has grown through the ranks, I didn’t help him with money, I didn’t have to try to set him up in a business of any kind, but I helped him on my knees with prayers. What he has attained with my prayers no amount of money that I could give him could have enabled him to attain such. In fact, the kind of money he has is what I am still trusting God for in my account (lol).
So, I conclude with this, don’t bother to play God in the life of your husband in the name of helping him. Giving him money to start a business or for him to get on his feet and stand as a man as the society understands it to be, may not be the solution to the problem. But when you pray always for your husband and seek direction from God on the way to go about helping him you will achieve more as his suitable helper than you can ever think or dare to achieve with your limited wisdom or even enormous wealth.


The very first ever Couple’s Clinic is happening on the 1st of December 2018 and it going to be breathtaking. So much to learn in ensuring that your marriage is a beautiful success. Mr. Deji Irawo is a male mentor like no other. When I listened to him speak I realized I was still a learner when it comes to men’s issues and he is part of the couple’s clinic team. You can’t afford to miss this. But we have very limited space and so you will need to register to be a part of this. It is absolutely FREE for attendance, but you will have to book a seat by sending a message with your name, telephone number and email address to 08030467047. Or you register at https://thewordthatsuits.com/couples-clinic-registration/    


Wednesday, 17 October 2018

Unity in Marriage - A Big Lesson (4)

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Malachi 2:15
Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

Matthew 19:4-6
“Haven’t you read” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

We have looked at and considered several dimensions of unity in marriage, and in truth, we cannot overemphasize its importance. And so, in the Bible passages above we see one fundamental truth spoken by God and not by any man. The Lord God Almighty says “He who made them male and female has declared that the man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and from then on, they are no longer two but one.” They are in fact one both in flesh and in spirit. So what marriage makes happen is to unite the man to his wife whereby they stop to be two different entities, but they then become one.
Within this one people comprising of the male husband and female wife joined as one entity, whatever they plan shall not be impossible for them (Genesis 11:6), and they will have good returns for their labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9) and when they agree concerning anything that they have asked God for, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 18:19).
But this unity does not come cheap, the fact that you are united as one in marriage does not mean you will remain united as one if you are not careful to guide and guard that unity. Because the devil knows the abundant blessings that are enveloped in the unity of marriage, he will do everything within his power to ensure that the unity of the husband and his wife does not hold. So you cannot afford to be careless or carefree with the unity of your marriage.
Now the devil won’t come to you and say, I want to take the unity of your marriage away. No-one has ever seen the devil even though we hold him responsible for everything that goes wrong in our lives. But the unity of our marriage is stolen in disguise. It starts with a very minute misunderstanding or disagreement. And in some cases, it graduates to lack of trust and then to marital unfaithfulness. And I can go on with so many reasons why the husband and the wife don’t agree. But one secret that we are not always mindful of is that Matthew 18:19 requires that they agree first before asking and then it is crowned up with receiving what they have asked for. And so, ensuring agreement should be a continuous deliberate act.
We cannot eliminate misunderstandings and disagreements in marriages, but it is important that we suffocate it out of our marital lives whenever it raises its ugly head. Sometimes it’s necessary to play the fool and be quiet and tolerant on issues with your spouse in marriage, not because you are actually a fool but because you want peace to reign in your marriage and you hold the unity of your marriage sacrosanct.
Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, “a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak”, the second part of this scripture is so very important in marriage. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. When you are mindful of the unity of your marriage, you will understand and appreciate that there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Now, note the order, the silent time comes before the speaking time.
You don’t respond to everything your spouse does that hurts you, not because you can’t or that they don’t hurt, but because you are working for the unity of your marriage. When your spouse hurts you and you keep quiet more often than you kick-back and react, you are respected and when you eventually speak up, it’s weightier. But when you are always reacting to everything your spouse does to you, first you wash away the unity of your marriage, you erode the respect your spouse should have for you and eventually you become irritating and categorized as a nagging personality. So, there is more dignity in holding back and praying, than in speaking up and fighting all the time.  
I am not saying that you bottle-up so much in you till you grow resentful towards your spouse, but I say that you pray more for your spouse when he/she hurts you and seek the peace of God within you to forgive and let go. In marriage, there is the need to master your emotions and be the lord and boss over your feeling than to let your feeling and emotions rule you.
I totally agree that you will need to voice out sometimes, but you need to let those sometimes be less times than more. And then when you have to let your spouse know that you are hurting by his/her actions or inactions, the manner in which you air your grievances is also very important. I would always say this about communication in life and especially in marriage; three things are most important: What you say, how you say it and when you say it. All these factors put together will say a lot about the reaction of your spouse to what you have complained about. These three factors will determine whether he/she will be sober and repent or whether he/she will kick-up and react negatively or aggressively. So, your words, your timing and your body language and tone of voice play a big role in the effectiveness of what you have to communicate with your spouse.  
Now, the focus of all of these is to ensure the unity of your marriage which is prerequisite to loads of blessings from the Lord for your marriage and individual lives. Remember it’s "if two of you agree concerning anything they ask for." Note that a house that is divided in itself cannot stand. A company or an establishment in which its owners are divided on more issues than they are united, is heading towards a collapse and same goes for any marriage institution. We if we have not been working hard towards the unity of our marriages, now is the time to start.  

The very first Couple's Clinic is happening on the 1st of December 2018. It's a free attendance program but we have very limited sitting capacity. Plan to be there and book your sit by registering for the program. Details of the program will be provided very soon



Saturday, 13 October 2018

Unity in Marriage - A Big Lesson (3)

So, continuing from my last post, the second thing I learned when I ran back to God concerning the frustrating situation in my marriage and the truth that stared me in the face that I could no longer handle the financial situation of my marriage was the importance of deliberately maintaining a flow of communication in my marriage and upholding the unity of my home.
Everything I was going through was such that I saw my husband as wicked and insensitive. I stopped telling him things about myself and the happenings in the home and he didn’t bother to ask. When there was a situation in my home I would look for a means of resolving it first before telling my husband about it and that is if I ever told him. And he also had the mindset that since I was trying to take up his role, he wouldn’t stop me since it was making life easier for him after all.
So, after praying and trusting God, I learned the importance of submission and how it would help me overcome my current challenge, stripe me off my current burden and transfer the responsibility of headship back to my husband. But one other important revelation that came to me was the importance of unity. The importance of "agreement" in my marriage in order to have good success.
So, as I began to submit to my husband, I began to marry my opinions and ideas with his. I learned to submit my ideas to the authority of my husband’s ideas. No matter how much I was convinced that I was right, and he was wrong, I would go by his way. I was able to do this because I always prayed to God that if He demanded that I submit to my husband as unto the Lord as found in Ephesians 5:22-24, then He should fill my husband with His presence such that whatever step or decision my husband takes, it will be God’s decision for the family. And even when it looks so wrong I will still follow and pray that God turns that so wrong decision into a so right decision for our family.
Since I have begun this process we have enjoyed good progress in my family. And because I am constantly on the altar of prayer in my heart, a lot of the decisions that my husband has made has ultimately been for the progress of our family. I will own up to the fact that we still have arguments on very rare occasions but in all, I am enjoying my marriage. 
And then one other thing this has brought to my family is Unity. When I deliberately let my husband be the head while I be the suitable helper, unity began to grow. We were able to agree on a lot of issues and those agreements formed the basis of our prayers to God. So, it wasn’t that my husband was praying for A item while I was busy praying for B which is in direct contrast of what my husband was praying for. With that sorted answers to our prayers were coming fast.
Because my husband noticed and appreciated my efforts in making the marriage a success and he had noticed that I submitted to him, understanding that I wasn’t doing it because I had no ideas or will of my own, but because I recognized him as my husband and head of my family and esteemed him so, he communicated with me more. It was easier for him to open up his mind and thought to me and whatever he told me was a prayer point for me. Even when he told me things I thought might not work well with the family, rather than voice my disagreement, I would pray that God would redirect him to do the right thing. And because I belong to the living God who answers prayers the story always ends in praise.
My husband and I have achieved more as a unit of one people speaking with one voice more than we could ever achieve individually. Jesus says that a house that is divided in itself cannot stand. And so you need to be very deliberate about ensuring and maintaining the unity of your marriage and your home. Never let anything disturb the unity of your marriage, you need to be intentional about it and prayerfully sustain it too and you will achieve good success to the glory of God alone. 

The very first Couple's Clinic from The Word That Suits comes up on the 1st of December 2018 at Chevron Recreational Center. I encourage you to keep the date. I will be speaking and so will a very powerful male mentor Mr. Deji Irawo. It promises to be a for rebuilding marriages and homes. 

Monday, 8 October 2018

Unity in Marriage - A Big Lesson (2)

A very good old friend of mine came to see me this past week, we had worked together in a telecommunications company some twelve years ago but kept in touch. We spent several hours discussing the various life’s challenges we have faced in the past twelve years. While I can say that I am overcoming my own challenges, she was still trusting God for respite on her own issues. We spoke about her marriage and then we agreed on some of the reasons why she might still be having issues in some areas of her life and areas she needs to work on.
For her, as it is with a lot of other marriages of God-fearing people with issues in marriage so much damage is caused by the break down in communication. She lost her job at about the time her husband lost his job. She plunged herself into finding a means to financially provide for the family and the husband just stayed back and looked on not that its all his fault. Like many women, my friend felt her husband was taking the issue a little less serious and she decided to bypass him and he just let her be. 
With time they both began to draw apart, and the husband was becoming frustrated and he would show it. So, from finding a way to make ends meet, my friend also had the burden of coping with a frustrated husband. Her husband never says much in the house and everything she does whether good or bad was fine by him since she had assumed the boss role.
My friend on her own part was too busy running to do every and any work her hands finds to do just to ensure that the family is running fine and the financial strain isn’t obvious for the world to see. But this goes with a lot of cold and silent wars in her marriage and she has decided to choose the wellbeing of her family above the naggings of her husband. I am sure a lot of women would do the same. I did the same thing too when faced with such a challenge until I had a divine revelation from God.  
The first thing that I noticed was that I was carrying the responsibilities of my husband. I was supposed to support him in his responsibility as the head of the home and not to carry his responsibility as my own. My husband is the head of the home and even in meeting with the needs of the home and carrying on the financial burden of the home, he is still the head. But my passion for wanting everything to work well made me begin to carry on his responsibilities as my own as I considered he was not moving fast enough and not showing enough passion for our needs as a family as I thought he should.
So, I began to do what he was supposed to be doing and he was just looking at me and not complaining. Waiting until I weary myself with a burden that shouldn’t be mine. With no concrete source of income and with my life savings gone and all my gold pieces of jewelry all sold in order to make ends meet in the come I began to get frustrated. More so the fact that my husband wasn’t helping much and not showing enough care. Communication between us was at level zero. And I held on to my only lifeline. I ran back to God, prayed and then listened for answers.
These are the lessons I learned:
1). I was supposed to be a suitable helper to my husband and not the primary burden bearer. So, carrying up the responsibilities of the home and expecting my husband to help, was in direct opposition to God’s order of things. So first, I need reverse that order to align with God's order and put my emotions under check.
Now, how do I make my husband take up his responsibilities of providing for the needs of the family like he should? I couldn’t force him, I couldn’t even tell him to do what he is meant to do. No amount of telling him will make any difference, it will only result in quarrels, fights and any other form of resistance. I am sure a lot of people are experiencing that kind of resistance and fights now.
So, I began to pray. It was only God that could do in this matter what I or any other wife in the same situation as I was then cannot do. In every situation that I prayed to God about in my marriage, all I heard from Him was and still is submission. So, in making my husband responsible for his responsibilities, I needed to submit to him. It sounds very absurd an approach. By human reasoning, there is no correlation between submission and making a man be the man of the house and provide for his family like he should.
Here is the analysis that most of us don't give a thought to. Well practically speaking, submitting to your husband makes him own the responsibility. When you obey your husband, you speak to him in actions and not words that whatever he tells you to do and you do, he is responsible for the outcome of your action or inaction and not you, since you are just doing as he says, you are obeying him, you are submitting to him. When you do this and pray, you act and support your actions with prayers. So while your actions are playing a role in the situation, God is working on his conscience through your prayers. When there is a situation in the home and you allow your husband take the call he understands that whatever call he takes, he is responsible for it, whatever the outcome is. And if he takes no call at all that does not amount to him not being responsible for his inactions. And as a wife, it is my duty to support him and pray for him to make the right decisions all the time noting that my own opinion on the matter might not necessarily be the right opinion.  
Little wonder from the Bible why God never queries the wives/mothers over faults in any family situation. The man is the head as far as God is concerned. So, as a wife, rather than take matters into your hands because you think the situation needs fast attention, keep a hold on your emotions, pray to God and let your husband take the call. Continually doing this tells him over and over again that he is head and he is responsible for the situations in the home.
But as a wife, you need to do this and keep doing it prayerfully. You are not just letting go of responsibility, but you are prayerfully handing it over to your husband who ideally owns the responsibility and burdens that you carry on yourself unnecessarily.
I am always amazed at how much we as wives can achieve through submission. And when I say submission, it does not speak of weakling wives as most people want to believe. It is the powerful tool used by wise and godly women to achieve so much in their marriage that makes them models for others to copy. Submission is strength in itself. Submission in marriage should not be a symbol of intimidation but of strength and power of godly wives who prayerful submit to their husbands in accordance to the will of God for their lives and marriages.