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Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Fights Never Get the Job Done

I hope that I am not having to keep you waiting for too long to hear from me. By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, I will resume fully soon and we can keep enjoying each other’s company.
I got this interesting message that I want to share. On this marriage issue, we are all learning and I believe we can learn big from this hilarious marriage story too.

SHE WROTE::: Good day ma. Thanks for being there for me. I will appreciate if you can share my experience on the group. I promise myself to share if the drama works. This is just to fulfill my promise ma
 VC asked me to act sick end of April. She said I should get Cardigan, aboliki (Chinese Balm), anti-malaria, panadol and scarf as my costume. I couldn't do as she advised because my boss didn't allow me go on leave as planned till end of May. Fast forward to first week in June, I didn't tell my hubby I was on leave. I only told him I was down with fever and won't be going to work. He forced me to eat breakfast and I removed first dose of anti-malaria, flushed it in the toilet and went back to sleep. It was on a Friday, hubby left for work, kids left for school and I began to watch TV, ate good food till around 7p.m when I carry my costume begin dey sleep again like person wey truly get malaria. I told him I won't be able to go to the market to shop for food stuff + grocery as the malaria still dey worry me. He left for the market Saturday morning with the list I gave him. He came back complaining that things are too expensive. Did I tell you he used to give me 35k as monthly feeding allowance for family of 5? Yes, that was my cross, we would fight, insult each other still he refused to add to the money. I got tired of fighting and decided to get EGS involved. That is how this drama tin start o. I watched my husband complaining bitterly about yam and tomatoes. He kept warning our first child not to waste food. My daughter told him milk has finished just 3 days after he bought 400g can. Hubby started shouting 'is this how these children eat?' I just sit down on the bed in my Cardigan watching them. I responded 'that is why I begged you to increase the feeding allowance but you think I wanted to pocket your money, you never say thank you when I told you I spent about 100k on feeding every month' He said, ha! I can never imagine tomato is now #80 per one, 5 balls for #400. 
I acted sick for one week. It wasn't easy but I just had to do it to get my freedom. Only God knows how much he spent taking care of the home front in that one week. He credited my account with 50k and gave me 70k for the month of July. The most interesting part is, he gave me the money with so much humility. He said 'my dear, please manage this 70k, I will keep adding to it by God's grace,’ to be submissive is no longer hard for me. I love him better and no more fight. I also appreciate how Arewas always come out en masse to talk sense into whoever needs it. I truly appreciate EGS. What I tried to achieve for years with so much bitterness is now a thing of the past.

This message didn’t originate from me, and so there are a lot of acronyms there that I don’t really know its full meaning, like EGS and VC. But I sincerely find this as a very hilarious and practical way of getting issues resolved between a wife and her husband on the finances of their home. I am so glad this woman was able to apply this approach that didn’t entail force, fighting or quarreling. I just wish women will understand that force and fighting really don’t get the job done.
In as much as I don’t encourage deceit in marriage, but I am trying to understand how much of fights this woman must have had to put up with before being introduced to this wise approach that has fetched for her in marriage what the many fights could not fetch.
Just before settling down to write this piece, I called one of my friends who rushed to me some months back to seek help on her troubled marriage. She had read my story on my blog and she desperately wanted to talk to me. We sat down to talk and one of the truths that I shared with her was the fact that fights don’t solve the problem. They never do. Today when I called her to wish her a belated Happy Birthday, she was telling me how things are turning around in her marriage. She sounded happy and hopeful. That was not the case some months back when we first spoke, but now the story is changing. She is not fighting anymore, she is doing other things that are yielding better results for her. It's called godly wisdom

I know that not all can apply the method of this woman whose story is shared above successfully. Not every husband can react the way the husband in the story above reacted. It's not a stereotyped approach and men are different and should be handled differently. But when you truthfully seek God’s intervention in your marriage He will show you that method that will work for your peculiar situation in marriage. God never runs out of ideas that work, but fights never get the job done.  

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Don't Seek The Demon in Your Wife

Hello people, it’s been about a month since I posted on this blog. I haven’t been anywhere, just occupied with writing books. Once done with the book in which I compiled previous marriage posts from this blog, I began writing another. In due season, you will have them to read in Jesus name.

I got this from my younger sister. She knows that I am very passionate about marriage and she often pops up some marriage puzzles for me to solve and most of them I have shared on this blog in form of true life stories because those puzzles are always true life situations that we can learn from. So we have this puzzle again to look into and by the grace of God share some lessons from.
The man in this story says he loves his wife but she acts like a zombie. Some other men have hyperactive wives and its also a problem, because with time you won’t know who is the boss in the home between the wife and the husband, and we begin to talk of domestic violence when the wife gets too outspoken.
First I give my 100% respect to this wife; to do what her husband says she does really takes a lot of humility and effort. No matter how down and low a woman is, for her to know that her husband is cheating on her and still apologizes, tells me such a woman has something up her sleeves. We woman would tolerate about anything from a man, but that our husbands are not faithful to us and we will still smile and accept it, is almost impossible except there is something else attached to the situation.
If a man cheated on his wife once or in the past and he is repentant and sober with signs to show that he is truly sober, then forgiving is very possible and easy. But when a woman knows that her husband is cheating on her and is still not reacting, I will say that the husband is more of a fool than he thinks he is. That wife of his wouldn’t be so humble in that circumstance if there is nothing making her so humble. By the time her bottled up resentment explodes, the husband would wish by his life that he never meddled with her emotions ever.
But what if this woman was a praying wife; a godly wife who is so submissive not because her husband is so nice and faithful, but because she is doing so in obedience to the word of God, like I have always preached on this blog. What this woman is doing in essence is that she is heaping coals of fire on her husband’s head as we read in Romans 12:17-20. This woman loves her peace more than anything else in the world, much more than the foolishness and drama of her unwise husband, recognizing that she would be worse off retaliating or avenging the wrongs her husband is doing to her and this husband is foolish enough not to know it.
No matter how this wife wants to avenge what her husband is doing to her, she cannot beat God to it. What God will do on her behalf far exceeds what she would do by herself and this is what the husband needs to be afraid of rather than make a boast of his stupidity.
I have always asked woman who have complained to me about their husbands infidelity or maltreatment how the financial state of their family/husband is, and the general answer that I get is that, it’s not as good as it was when love and peace was reigning in their marriage. Nothing drains wealth and value in a man’s life more than adultery and maltreating of a wife by her husband.
We learnt in Proverbs 18:22 that a man who finds a wife has found what is good and obtained favor from God. So to say that a wife is favor personified in the life of a man. Proverbs 31:11 also teaches us that a man who is married to a wife of noble character has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. So we can correctly conclude that a wife of noble character pours value into the life of her husband.
Now picture that you have been blessed with a wife such as the one described by her husband in the snap shot above, you automatically have what the Bible calls a wife of noble character who pours value into her husband's life; a wife who is favor personified in the life of her husband; a wife who works for the peace of her home. Then you will rightly conclude with me that not giving this wife the honor, love, esteem and respect that is due to her is like shortchanging her for her hard work and you would be answerable to God for that. So rather than appreciate the goodness in his wife, this man seeks a wolf he is most likely unable to tame when it turns up. So I seek the permission of my readers to call this man foolish. In no time this man would receive the reward of his foolishness.
I mentioned earlier that nothing drains wealth and prosperity from the life of a man who is married more than adultery and maltreatment of his wife and family. The Bible tells us in Luke 16:10 that “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” Now consider this very carefully: if God has blessed and prospered you and rather than take care of the wife and family that God has entrusted to your care, you spend God’s wealth in your possession on careless living and adultery you have just proven to God that you cannot be trusted with very little. That blessing in your hands that looks so much to you, yet the Bible calls it very little, will be withdrawn because God does not waste His resources. There are so many people still seeking the resources which you waste. When your finances aren’t looking like it used to, before calling your wife a witch and the bad luck in your life, check how you have managed what was entrusted to you by God. 
God said in Malachi 2:13-14 that you flood the Lord’s altar with tears, you weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands simply because you have broken faith with the wife of your youth. A man from whom God has withdrawn His attention is a man from whom God has withdrawn His blessings. So when you break faith with the wife of your youth, you have God’s attention and blessings withdrawn from you. Your wife is not the witch or bad luck, you are simply the architect of your own misfortune.
Proverbs 3:9-10 says, “Honour the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.” When you give the firstfruits of your income, you pay that into the house of God, but when you honor God with your wealth, you spend your blessings in a manner that pleases God. If the Lord has asked a man to provide for his relatives, especially his immediately family (1 Timothy 5:8), and a man does just that, he honors the Lord with his wealth. For such a man, his barns will be filled to overflowing and his vats will always brim with new wine. That man is proving to God that he is faithful with very little and as much shows God his readiness for bigger blessings.
From all of these scriptural revelations that we have, we can see and understand the foolishness of a man who stands to disdain the honor and respect his wife shows him by saying sorry at all times and to all things. This woman that seems to be foolish in the sight of the world is rather wise in the things of God and her reward will not be delayed.

It is okay to seek a vibrant wife, but never seek the demon in your wife because when that demon is unleashed you won’t be able to curtail it. When you want the best from your wife, give her the best. Engage your wife in constructive discussions and you will be amazed at her level of intelligence. When you want to know what your wife is capable of, give her task to handle and I can assure you she will surpass your imagination. It is only in love that you can get the best from the gift of favor that the Lord has placed in your life in the person of your wife.