There is one question every married person needs to consciously ask him/herself at some point in the lifetime of his/her marriage. The best thing is to ask this question at the onset of the marriage, or even before the marriage begins. And that question is “Why Did I Marry?” This question gives you a mission in that marriage. It defines the purpose and goal of that union and then you can score yourself based on the goals you have identified as the purpose for going into the union.
In life, you don’t engage in activities without a reason. You go to school to learn for a reason, you eat for a reason, you work for a reason, you smile for a reason and in the same manner, you marry for a reason. There are a million and one reasons why people decide to get married to each other, but one of the common reasons why people decide to marry is TRADITION. It’s either everybody around you seem to be getting married and you feel left out, or that there is pressure from the family; either parents or guardians and you just decide to marry to get them off your back. In some cases, there is even the forced marriage between the children of two families just to cement family ties. Some even marry for political reasons. So, lastly and the most common are those who marry for love.
For many people, love has been the underlying reason why they went into marriage. It’s a situation of loving someone so much you want to own the one you love permanently. You don’t want to imagine having to share that which you love with someone else and so they go into marriage with a possession mentality. The desire to possess that which they love is the reason why they went into marriage. Then when there is a change in the composition of that which they love, they stop loving and then want to let go. They become tired of possessing what they have stopped loving and want to do away with him/her. And that is why we have the so many cases of divorce that we see today.
And if we must get this marriage thing right then we must get the reason for the marriage right and then set the right goals for the marriage. It doesn’t matter at what level your marriage is, the important is that you understand the reason you are in the union, the goal of the union, the things you need to put in the union and the expected returns from the union. And so, we will do a little of search in today’s post to get our marriages in proper perspective.
Genesis 2:18, 20-22
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Now, the very first purpose of God in instituting marriage is that the wife should be a suitable helper to her husband. In making that happen God didn’t just form a woman as a separate entity from the man, He made her from the extracted bone he took from the man and so the suitable helper that God formed for the man was taken from the man.
This initial purpose of God for marriage should also be our first purpose for marriage. That a man would seek a helper and find one in his wife, and that a wife should enter into marriage with the first purpose of being a suitable helper to her husband.
The goal of any marriage should be that the two couples make up their minds to help each other excel exceedingly and have a fulfilled life against all odds and despite all challenges. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work,” even common knowledge teaches that productivity is increased with division of labor. This same principle works well with marriage. When the husband and wife work together for and with each other positive things happen.
Whatever reason you had before now that made you marry your spouse, if it’s not in line with the purpose of God for your marriage, then it’s important you start to realign that purpose or reason to be in line with the purpose and will of God for your marriage. God placed you in that marriage to be His instrument in improving the life of the person you are married to. A wife is a suitable helper in the life of her husband. What helpers do is to improve the situation at hand. Helpers make things better than they met it. That is what God has called the wife to do in the life of her husband. That should be your purpose and goal in that marriage. If it was not so before now, then it should start to be so from now.
Somethings this may be hard if the marriage has not met your expectations, but there is a kind of fulfillment that one gets when you know that you made a positive impact in a situation and because of you the situation has improved. Your spouse is that situation, you are the positive situation changer and God is the power behind what you do.
You don't go into business with the intent to fail, but rather to make income and make a beautiful living. The odds might not be favorable and in fact, they are not always favorable but when you beat the odds and triumph people will start to come to seek you for advice on how you managed to succeed. In the same way, you need to get determined concerning the success of your marriage. Everything will not be presented to you favorably but you need to work at it with a success mentality.
And the husband is called to love his wife as himself. When you appreciate the helper in your life, you make room in her to be readily available to help you all the time. A man who works for the good of his helper helps himself in the long run. When you make effort to pour your best into the life of your wife and improve her, she becomes an improved helper in your life. It's always a win-win situation at the end of the day.
If you didn’t know why you got into that marriage until today, then it’s important that you understand that you are called into that marriage to make the life of your spouse better than you met it. That is why the wife is called a suitable helper to her husband and the man is mandated to love his wife as himself. No man would live and not want to improve himself, and so if you work continually to improve yourself and then you are called to love your wife as yourself, then you are called to improve your wife just in the way you wish to improve yourself.
If then you understand this as the purpose of marriage and you then embrace it as your purpose for marriage above the love you thought was the reason for your marriage, above the traditional norm that you thought was the reason for your marriage, above the family pressure that initially put you in that marriage, then you begin to have a renewed goal for your marriage that leads to a glorious end. With this as your purpose for marriage, you then start to have a renewed determination to make your marriage work and make the best of it. In no time at all your will start to enjoy a beautiful marriage that is the envy of all.