My Book Store

Monday, 23 March 2015

Helpmeet Not Helpmate. Interesting Story To Read

I am so sorry if it appears as if I speak to the women more on marriage issues, but on the backdrop of the fact that the woman has been assigned as the home builder by God, it's important that we do all that we can as wives to build a successful home worthy of God's commendation. As always I'll say it's a privilege to share God's word with His people again on this blog. I thank God for His word that is always shared on this platform, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read them.
A few hours ago I heard a story of a couple who had a fight, and because I have a keen interest in marriage issues I took my time to hear out the entire drama that unfolded. And the story goes like this:
A young couple were living happily together, when the wife had their first child, the wife's mother and the husband's sister came around to help out in nursing the new-born as the child was their first. The husband's sister didn't spend much time as she had her own family to take care of but she just had to be their because their mother who would have carried out the task was late.
But rather than the wife's mother spending a short while and leaving too, she decided to stay-put and live large on her son-law's hard earned money. She has just been separated from her third husband and so she has no husband to report to. She was also not there alone but came in the company of other relatives in the name of cousins, brothers and  sister. Soon their home became an extended family home with total lack of privacy for the husband. The wife really didn't mind as those around were her family members.
When the husband could no longer take the intrusion on his privacy in the name of helping to nurse his son, he asked the wife to find a means of telling her family members to return to their home. When he noticed the wife was not doing a good job of the assignment he gave her, he took it upon himself to show the intruders the exit door, with his attitude indicating they should not bother to come back.
Just recently the husband was expecting his young cousin who was coming to spend a few nights with them. This he told his wife ahead of the time of the visit so that she came prepare for the visitor coming. But rather than the wife preparing for the visit, she picked a fight with her husband saying if he would not allow his mummy stay over in their house, then his cousin is also not welcomed in the house.
Initially the husband thought the wife was joking until she began to push him and insist he cannot leave the house as he had promised the visitor to come pick him up for the visit. She broke his eye glasses, and in fact left some bit marks on his body. When she went to the toilet to ease herself the husband sneaked out of the house to park his car properly in the garage as he had already called the intending visitor to postpone the visit. On returning to the front door, the wife had locked him out and he had to pass the night in his car.

Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

I have to confess that this story is a little beyond me but did it happened real life. I have heard so much about a wife been maltreated by her husband, but the case of a wife been physically confrontational towards her husband and been the originator of the fight is pretty rear and this confirms what Solomon said in Proverbs 19:13b that "a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping." A wife such as the one whose story is told above cannot add value to her husband, she is a constant dripping to her husband. 
If for any reason the husband had decided to react negatively, the aggressor will not be the wife, but the husband yet the wife is the originator of the fight, a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. That a woman will comfortable sleep in the house with her husband sleeping in the car in the garage by her doing makes me wonder what kind of a woman she is and what report she intends to give God over her assignment in the life of her husband assigned to be by God.
Dealing with the issue that caused the fight which originated from the wife; The husband is the head of the home, and in marriage the interference of parents and parents in-law, sisters, brothers, cousins, nephews and nieces are not allowed. That is why the Bible says marriage is about leaving and uniting.
Secondly, if the husband has invited his family member over to spend a few nights and as his wife you do not approve of it, there are better ways to deal with it rather than a fight. There are ways and timing to air your views such that your attitude will push your husband to apologize to you rather than fight him. And in this case you are actually fighting for your mother to live with you rather than prevent your husband from bringing in a visitor. As a married woman your number one assignment and priority is your husband above your mother This might sound cruel, but the Lord ordained it so. You are to support and help your husband and not prove equality with him in the home. The Lord formed the wife to be a suitable helper to her husband. She is a helpmeet in his life and not a helpmate.
This story has generated so much thought in me, and I will appreciate that as you read this, you leave a comment and tell me your view on the matter is.

There are other interesting stories and articles to read and learn from on my website For my Nigerian readers, you can not pre-order any of my books by filling out the pre-order form on excerpts from the books are available on the page of each book title on the dropdown of the books page. Thank you so much and God bless you.

Friday, 20 March 2015

The Woman And Her Many Demands.

Good evening my beautiful people. I bless God for grace to be given another opportunity to share a word again on this blog. It's going to be another word of wisdom for the married women and I trust the Lord that what is read and learned on this blog site will impact lives and homes positively in Jesus Name.
Yesterday I went for a meeting with the head of the publishing unit of my church, and rather than talk about the main business of the meeting, as women we began to discuss marriage. One interesting aspect of the discussion was the assumed perception of women that their husbands should meet all of their needs/wants. Failure of the man to do this amounts to big problems in the home. And beyond just mere discussion, this scenario plays out in so many home and so there is a need to search the word of God to know the mind of God on this matter.

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 

Proverbs 31:13-18
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchants ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vine yard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

These passages are places in the Bible where I can find something said on the topic of providing for the home. I am yet to come across a place in the Bible where it is said that the husband will meet all the needs/wants of his wife. Although I also agree that the man is to provide for the needs of his home. By God's design, the husband is responsible for his family. 1 Timothy 3:4 says a man aspiring to be an overseer of a church must be one who has managed his family well. But I am yet to see anywhere in the Bible where it is said that a woman should be solely dependent on her husband to meet her financial obligations.
A wife as a suitable helper, one of the areas where the wife is to come in and assist her husband as the Lord has ordained it is in the area of providing for the home. In Proverbs 31 as the passage above shows, a wife among other things is expected to work with eager hands. She is expected to provide food for her household, she is expected to bring her food from afar. These are the qualities of her wife of noble character that has been groomed by the Lord and placed in the life of her husband as a suitable helper.
With these in mind, it can be truly said that two are better than one. It is not all the time that a man is in good financial standing. And so during the financial down times of the man, his wife is the God provided shocks absorber placed in his life to help him at these times.
A wife is not placed in the life of his husband to make endless unrealistic demands just because he married her, rather she is in his life to HELP and SUPPORT him to be all that God has called him to be. A wife is also a vessel in hands of God in providing for the needs of the home. No wonder Solomon said in Proverbs 31:12 that a wife of noble character brings her husband good and not harm all the days of her life.
I very much acknowledge the fact that some men get laid back and do not want to provide for their families once they are aware that their wives is financially capable to do so much in the home. The ignorance of such men in that they jeopardize their own prosperity when carry on with that mind set. A man who does not provide for his family, especially his immediate family, the Bible says is worse than an unbeliever. But when the husband genuinely lacks the financial means to meet up with his obligation in the home, then it is just ideal that his wife steps in to help until things get better again for her husband and this the Lord expects her to do in humility and total submission to her husband.  

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Trust Vs Betrayal, How Do You Deal With This

I am so very sorry not to have been able to share God's word on this blog in about two days. It's due to the fact that I am running another platform a little broader than this and since the website is been redesigned from what it used to be, my attention is a little divided, but all efforts are towards sharing the word of God and supporting individuals to be better in what the Lord has assigned them to be and do.
One major factor that is assumed to be a success ingredient in building and retaining a successful marriage is TRUST. I shared a story on my website about a lady who was freaking out because she says she feels betrayed by her husband. And so I'll trust God to open our minds to the issue of trust in marriage.
The first truth that I want us to understand is that humanly speaking, without the grace of God it is difficult to keep faith when the issue of trust arises. There are some who are faithful with their spouses on sex related matters, but are not faithful in other areas such as finances, extended family issues etec. For a man to be totally faithful to his spouse then he must be a man that the Spirit of God truly dwells inside of him.  

Jeremiah 17: 5-10
This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no-one lives.
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
“The Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” 

If it is true that it will take only the grace of God for a man to be truly and completely faithful to his wife in all areas and the same theory applies to the woman, and going by what God said in the passage above, then the next thought that comes to mind is: How is it possible to carry on with marriage where trust is highly required? This question now leads us to how we can build trust in our marriage in a healthy way.
I once shared a post on building trust in marriage, and I will still discuss today's post on the same line of reasoning. God said, "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength." So God does not expect that for any reason at all you should trust any man or depend on any flesh for strength. Although I don't mean this in a negative way, but please follow me closely as we discover more from the word of God.
I very much agree that trust is essential in marriage, but it will be wise if you can channel your trust to your spouse through the route of God. In truth, your spouse will disappoint you, yes, he/she will betray you. Not because he/she wants to hurt you, in fact some betrayal will be conceived as a means to protect you, but yet you are being betrayed. They will betray you because they are just being human and probably cannot help the situation. 
God said the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. And so to invest your trust in man whether your husband or wife is a risk too costly to take. If I will come to this conclusion, then there is the need to know how to handle the issue of trust in your marriage. And what I will recommend (same I have applied in my marriage) is that rather than trust your spouse, you trust the Lord. Proverbs 21:1 says "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse where he pleases." If the king's heart is in the hands of God, then your husband/wife's heart is also in His hands. Whatever changes you desire to see happen in the life of your husband or wife, it is safer to trust God to make it happen in him or her, than to believe your husband or wife will change by his/her own doing or just because you want him/her to change. 
It is the Lord who form your spouse, He alone searches the heart and examines the mind of your spouse. Beyond where you can ever reach in the heart of your spouse God has been there and know what resides there. If you ever need to trust your spouse on any issue, place the matter before God. Hear Him speak reassuringly to you on it, and just relax and watch your spouse display the majestic power of God that gives you peace in your soul. When you learn to do this, you will have no reason to freak out over a betrayal by your spouse because the Lord whom you trust above your spouse will ensure that you are never betrayed.

Monday, 16 March 2015

A Comparison Between Your Spouse And Your Children

It's a good and blessed feeling to be able to share the truth of the word of God again this beautiful day. I appreciate God for His word that is unending on this blog site and I appreciate you who take your time to drop by to read and part-take of the grace of God shared on this blog site.
On two different occasions I have had this question asked me and also on a forum where I belong and so today I am trusting God to help shed a little light on it. And the question is: "If I am asked to choose between my husband and my children, who will I choose? My response to this question is that between my husband and children, there has never been a basis for comparison. My husband and children hold different places in my life and my God given assignment in my husband's life and that of my children are distinctively different.
For the benefit of those who are yet to understand the difference or have resorted to using their children to fill in the vacuum created by a deficiency in their marriage, we need to go back to the origin of marriage and see how things should be.

Genesis 2:18, 20b-25
Then the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of the man."
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The man and his wife where both naked, and they felt no shame. 

Psalm 127:3-5
Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. 
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. 

Malachi 2:15
Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

In order to have a better understanding of our life's purpose in relations to our spouse and children, we'll consider what God has assigned us to do for our spouse and children respectively. Marriage did not start with the children and does not also end with the children. So the children cannot be compared to any spouse in marriage. The Lord God Almighty realised that it was not good for the man to be alone and so He created a helper for him in his wife and not children. The Lord made the woman who is the wife to the husband from the rib extract  from the husband's rib that she might effectively help and support the man in what God has assigned him to do.
By reason of the fact that the wife was made from the rib taken out of her husband automatically makes her one with her husband and so the man and his wife and united as one entity in flesh and in spirit before God and man. So if there is a vacuum in the life of either the wife or husband, it cannot be filled by the children. The place occupied by the children in marriage is totally different and out of the ideal marriage picture. A marriage covenant ends when either of the spouse dies. Before God not even divorce is strong enough to end a marriage covenant as God says He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The death of a child does not end a marriage covenant, only the death of any of the two principal parties namely the husband or wife ends a marriage covenant.
The wife's assignment in life given to her by God is to be a suitable helper to her husband. In fact that was the sole reason why God formed the woman. Her assignment as a mother is second to her primary assignment to be suitable helper to her husband. The man on the other hand has been given dominion over all that God created. He is to watch over and be an administrator over all that God created and this he should do with the help of his wife. The administrative assignment of the husband includes the training of his children in the way of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 reads "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." and in Malachi 2:15 God said He made the man and his wife one because He was seeking Godly offspring. So raising godly offspring is as assignment for the man with the assistance of his wife from the Lord.
In Genesis 18:19, God revealed that He chose Abraham so that he will direct his children and household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. As a man your children are part of the administrative assignment given to you by God. And this explains why Paul instructed in 1 Timothy 3:4, that a man aspiring to be an administrator over the church must first be an excellent administrator of his family. And your suitable helper in that task of administration in your family and any other front is your wife. Your wife is God assigned help in the task of administration in the home. So to the man, his wife and children are suppose to hold separate place in his life. God enabled a strong love between a father and his children for effective disciplinary purposes, such that a man can train his children right in love. The absence of love in any form of discipline and training amount to abuse, and that is not of God.
For the wife, you primary assignment on earth, in fact the sole reason why God thought up the need to create a woman is that she might be a suitable helper to her husband first before becoming a mother to her children and any other assignment given to her. You are not effectively fulfilling your purpose on earth when you allow your motherly assignment to override you role as a suitable helper.
The woman is the channel for reproduction and as such she carries a lot of attachment for the seed that germinated inside of her and grew to become a full human. The love a mother has for her child is a very deep love, and this love is to very necessary because it aids the woman need in nursing her baby to maturity. The tender care that a baby needs to grow can only come from the deep love of a mother. This love necessitates an urgency in the mother to watch over and give the necessary care to her children, but this love is not there to replace the love of a wife to her husband. It serves an entirely different purpose than the love you are required to have for your husband. 
For some with issues in their marriages and have resolved to fill the vacuum in their lives with the love of their children, well I will say that this love does not fit in the space. And this trend my lead to the parents been overbearing in the lives of their children, which might it turn lead to the children not growing up to fit into their adult responsibilities as they have grown to be overdependent on their parents or the children becoming rebellion in the bid to free themselves from the overbearing control of the parent/s.
In the issue of marriage and the home there is a need for a balance. You are a husband or wife to your spouse, and still a mother of father to your child/children. In the same you resides the sister or brother to your siblings and a child to your parents. But in all these, there is the need for a balance. As a wife your first responsibility is to your husband in all of the relationship that God has laid your path. And as a husband your first focus is your wife, she houses God's favour in your life. All other relationships though important, are secondary in the hierarchy of priority in your life. It is very important that a man loves his children and also very important that a mother have deep love for the seed she bore, but this love does not override or replace the love of a husband to his wife or a wife to her husband. May the living God help us understand this better in Jesus Name. 

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

The Secret To A Man's Success

1 Samuel 25: 2-3
A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings.

It another beautiful day, and another wonderful opportunity to share the word of God. In today's blog post, I will want to share some discoveries the Lord is opening up my heart to in the life of a woman in the Bible named Abigail. The book of 1 Samuel 25 tells the story of a man named Nabal and his wife Abigail and I believe this story contains a lot of lessons for the women.
The first thing that was said about the couple is that a man in Maon who had property at Carmel was very wealthy, and the author of that book in the Bible went on to describe the wealth of this man. But immediately the name Nabal was mentioned, the wife's name followed. Now reading in-between the lines of this passage, I will say that behind the wealth of Nabal is his wife Abigail. You know the saying goes that "behind every successful man is a woman."
To confirm my thoughts of the impact of Abigail on her husband's wealth, we will notice that the author first gave the characteristics of Abigail the wife of wealthy Nabal as an intelligent and beautiful woman before giving the characteristics of Nabal himself (as a surly and mean man). Nabal's name was mentioned first and his characteristics second, while Abigail's name was mentioned first with her characteristics first. This arrangement tells me that the secret to Nabal's wealth resides in the intelligence and beauty of his wife.
I have come to understand that as a suitable helper in the life of my husband, the success of my assignment given to me by God lies in the success of my husband being all that God has called him to be. So if my husband succeeds then automatically I have also succeeded. Then my prayers and support for his life has not been in vain. If on the other hand, my husband is yet to attain what God has called him to do and be in life, then my assignment is not getting a pass mark. Then I need to double my efforts, pray more, seek wisdom to support him more and watch over him the more.
The assignment to be a helper in your husband's life has not made you a head over him. The fact that your success in God's assignment for your life is tied to your husband's success does not then mean you should become tired and aggressive towards your husband. Rather it means you need to pray more, show more submission to him, show him more love and respect, treat him with high esteem and honour him the more. By so doing you are giving God greater tools to work with and work through in making your husband all that He the Lord has designed him to be. Remember that Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that it is through your behaviour and not your words that your unbelieving husband will be won over to God, when he sees the purity and the reverence of your life.
Going back to the story of Abigail, we will note that her husband Nabal was surly and mean, so to say that he was a wicked man. He was wicked enough for the Bible to actually call him wicked, yet that was not enough reason for Abigail to turn her back on him. The Bible never said Nabal treated his wife with exception, because if he did the Bible would have mentioned it that "although he treated his wife fairly." But the Bible just simple said Nabal was surly and mean and I want to believe that that was his behaviour towards every one around him without the exception of his wife. But still Abigail the intelligent and beautiful woman stood by her surly and mean husband whose wealth I believe is not without her impact.
If we read on in the chapter, we will see Nabal display his cruelty when he refused to help David who had earlier helped him watch over his shepherds and cattle when they were at Carmel. This action of Nabal was to fetch him his total destruction as David had vowed to kill him and his entire household for his cruelty. But here comes the intelligent and beautiful wife of mean and surly Nabal to the rescue again.
Immediately Abigail got the information of what her husband had done which I believe is not a strange thing to her, she didn't go fighting her husband. She was not fearful. As the suitable helper to her husband, in wisdom, she rose up and packed all that David had requested for. Food and drinks, enough for him and his men were packed on donkeys and sent ahead of her to plead the case of her mean and surly husband.

1 Samuel 25:14-19
One of the servants told Nabal's wife Abigail: "David sent messengers from the desert to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men were very good to us. They did not ill-treat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us all the time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no-one can talk to him."
Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants. "Go on ahead; I'll follow you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

The above passage here is what Abigail did when she heard the trouble her husband had gotten himself into with him negative character. And by the time we read the story through, though Abigail was able to save Nabal from the wrath of David, but not from the hands of God.
The lessons we are learning from this passage is the approved attitude of a woman of God who is also a wife of noble character. She is designed by God to be the secret success in the life of her husband. Yes your husband might be wealthy and affluent, but it will be such a nice thing for him to know that he would not have gotten such success without your help and support. Though your husband might acknowledge it or not, but let it be known to you and to God that you did your bit in helping the husband that God has placed over your life to be all that God has destined him to be. Let it be known to him that without your help it would not have been easy. 

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

A Life Of Continuous Harvest

I bless the name of the Lord for the grace to once again share a little of His word. Most of my post in recent times have been centered around marriage and the home and that will continue as the Holy Spirit opens up our hearts to the need to build a healthy home requisite for a peaceful society. But today I wish to deviate a little from marriage and trust the Lord to open up our hearts to His word. I want to share a little word with the women.

2 Kings 4:8-13a
One day Elisha went to Shunem. And a well-to-do woman was there, who urged him to stay for a meal. So whenever he came by, he stopped there to eat. She said to her husband, "I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God. Let's make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and table, a chair and a lamp for him. Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us."
One day when Elisha came, he went up to his room and lay down there. He said to his servant Gehazi, "Call the Shunamite." So he called her, and she stood before him. Elisha said to him, "Tell her, 'You have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you?

 By the grace of God I want to use today's post to encourage the women. Women who have foresight and are vessels in the hands of God. Women who have used their hard earned resources to bless the lives of many within and outside their household. Women like the Shunamite that is spoken of in the the passage above.
One thing that appeals to me in the character of this Shunamite is that Elisha never approached her for help. He never begged for her assistance in anyway. But this women discerned and made up her mind within her to sow seeds in the life of the man of God.
Another thing that I noticed in her story is that she did what she did with the permission and consent of her husband even though she was well-to-do. So she didn't overlook or undermine the authority of her husband in the bid to help or meet the need in the life of the man of God. So in being a vessel in God's hands to meet the needs of Elisha there was a balance.
But more importantly is a woman who understood the importance of sowing a seed. One thing I pray the Lord will help us learn is the need to sow seeds. Not necessarily giving gifts to your pastor, but helping to meet the needs of people whom the Lord has directed to you. It is important to be able to discern someone truly needing help and whom the Lord wants you to help and a parasite feeding on your God given resources. The Shunamite woman said she knew that the man is a holy man of God. He was not just anybody. And whatever help or assistance rendered is a seed to be harvested in the future.
The Shunamite woman didn't choose to urge Elisha to eat a meal just once, she feed the man every time he went to Shunem. And she didn't just feed Elisha, she made a room for him in her roof to stay any time he visited. So she had been sowing her seed over time. But she sowed this seed to the point where Elisha had to think. The kind gesture of the Shunamite woman cried out for a harvest and so Elisha didn't feel it befitting to enjoy the continuous benefit without giving something in return. The Lord who is God over the harvest will not give Elisha peace of mind until he blessed the woman who had been good to him and so Elisha got thinking.  He called the woman and told her, "You have gone to all this trouble for us. Now what can be done for you?"
This is a lesson I want to keep dear to my heart and I pray many women will do the same. This is the time to sow into the Kingdom of God. Not just a one-time seed, but a continuous sowing that will call God to remembrance that a harvest is required and due. When we speak of harvest, we need to be reminded that there is an action that precedes harvest and that is sowing and watering. Proverbs 31:20 speaks of the wife of noble character as one who opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
The Shunamite woman made it an habit to sow into the life of the man of God Elisha and she in turn received a continuous harvest. First her barrenness was removed as she gave birth to a son after Elisha spoke into her life (2 Kings 4:13-17), then she had her son restored to life from death by the prayers of the man of God (2 Kings 4:18-36). She and her family were later saved from the impending famine that the Lord decreed over the land for seven years. And on her return from exile, she received divine favour from the king and had all her land and income from when she left the country till she returned returned to her (2 Kings 8:1-6). The Shunamite woman did not sow a one-time seed and so she didn't get a one-time harvest.
As a woman, do you have an attitude of giving? This is part of the characteristics of a wife of noble character, she is one who opens her arm to the poor and helps the needy. By so doing you are sowing seeds for a future harvest. Please do not make your seed a one-time seed so as to enjoy a future of continuous harvest.

Sunday, 8 March 2015

Learning The Secret Of Unity In Marriage

Genesis 11:6
The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return from their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 

In my last post the Lord opened up our minds to the dangers of disputes, quarrels and worse of all violence in marriage. And as a married person or one hoping to get married soon, I will implore you to please read that post and learn the secret danger of fights in your marriage. Not that this fight will not happen, but what to do when they happen needs to be put in check attentively.
But sequel to my last post is what I will trust the Lord to open our hearts to see and know about the importance of unity in your marriage and home. It's not just enough that there is peace in your marriage, but more importantly is the need for the man and his wife to become one in flesh and spirit as the Lord has originally made them to be.
From my personal experience in marriage, my husband and I have been able to take giant progressive strides in our journey through life when we unify to take decisions and work by those decisions than when we do things independently. And I am positive that if couples take the time to observe the trend in their own marriages too, they will agree with me on this observation.
In order to have a good understand of what today's post is talking about, I want to give the meaning of unity as found in the English dictionary. Unity is 1) the oneness of mind, feeling etc as among a number of persons, 2) the state of being one, 3) a whole or totality as combining all its part into one. So, what we are learning from all these dictionary meanings is that unity in marriage requires that the two parties in the marriage covenant combine to become one entity. This is the desire of God when instituting marriage, when in the Lord declared that for this reason (for the purpose of marriage) a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one. So what God has joined together let no man put asunder.
But more importantly, the overall advantage of unity in marriage is what I have found in the book of Genesis 11:6. The Lord said if these people speaking with one voice can come together to do a thing like this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. The discovery there for me is that there is the secret of anti-impossibilty of achievement found in the bond of unity. God said when a group of people come together in unity speaking with one voice nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.
No wonder Jesus will say that a house divided in itself cannot stand, and Solomon joined in saying two are better than one, that one will chase a thousand and two will put tens of thousands to flight. It is simple logic that when two people apply their combined forces to a particular project, they will achieve more than when the task is carried out as a one man task.
So it is easy for us to understand why God said it is not good for the man to be alone. God knew that if a man and his wife are united as one, nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them and so He joined them together as one rather than two independent individuals. God didn't just discover the importance of unity in Genesis 11:6, He knew it from the beginning of time. And so we see that all the rules of marriage given by God is such that they will entrench unity between the man and his wife. When the wife is submitting her will and her everything to her husband as unto the Lord and the husband is loving his wife as himself, sacrificially, unconditional and deeply, then the foundational bedrock of unity between them is laid, and the word impossible is erased from all that they set themselves to do in life.
So when as a woman you have to submit to your husband, please don't see it as a burden, do it prayerfully because the success to all that you set your heart to do lies in the unity of your marriage emanating from the foundation of submission to your husband that you have properly laid. And also to the husband, when you have to love your wife unconditionally and sacrificially, please don't do it grudgingly. The secret to your life's success is found deep in the unity of your marriage built of the foundation of love that you have and show to your wife.

Friday, 6 March 2015

Learn A Thing Or Two About Fights In Marriages

 The rules for the man and wife in marriage as earlier discussed in my two previous posts are the foundational rules for any and every successful marriage. The Lord God Almighty who originated marriage at the beginning of time has set these rules as the foundational basis on which a successful marriage is built. So for anyone desiring a divinely successful marriage, the secret to that is abiding by these God given rules and when you do so prayerfully, then a beautiful marriage is yours for keeps.
Abiding by these rules does not totally eliminate pockets of challenges in marriage, but how you deal with these challenges will tell a lot on how much they will be able to affect the peaceful marriage you are trying to build. There are going to be disputes at intervals, there are going to financial issues at intervals, there are going to be trust issues at intervals and many more issues, and so it's important to learn the effective and appropriate way to deal with these pocket of issues as they surface in marriage.
One of the comments I got in one of my previous post asked a question on what a woman should do when she is being physically abused in a marriage. So this post will discuss a little on how to handle disputes and disagreements in marriages.

Proverbs 21:9, 19
9Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

19Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Proverbs 19:13
13A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.

Proverbs 20:3
3It is to a man's honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

Proverbs 17:19a
19He who loves quarrel loves sin.

Proverbs 17:14
14Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Malachi 2:16
I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment, says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.

Above are some of the Bible passages where I can find God speak on the issue of dispute, disagreements or quarrels in marriage and other areas of our lives. And in strong terms the Lord condemns any form of violence in marriage. But whether or not the Lord condemns disputes in marriage does not mean that disputes will not raise it's ugly head in our marriages, and so how we put this issue in check is what I will trust God to help us discover in the course of this post.
In 2 Timothy 1:7 Paul confirmed to Timothy that "God did not give us a spirit of timidity(fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline(self-control)." So in as much as you are not suppose to be fearful of any situation, you are also expected to have self-discipline and be able to keep your emotions in check. This is what the Lord expects of us His children, and failure to meet up with His expectation amount to a sin of rebellion, because the Lord will not demand from us what He knows we are not capable of.
With these foundation laid, I will want to address the wives first. Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." The wife we have said is the heartbeat of the home, a successful marriage is built on the foundation laid by the wife and so Solomon says a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. A quarrelsome wife who is unable to put her temper in check cannot build a successful home. Solomon has likened such a woman to a constant dripping in the life of her husband. 
One truth I have discovered about some women is that they always want to be heard, they want their opinions to count irrespective of the circumstance surrounding such opinion, some other ones are out-rightly domineering. But from what I am discovering in the Bible and I hope you are learning too is that only fools will always want to air their opinions irrespective of the circumstance on ground. Proverbs 18:2 says "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinion." A wise woman and even man will learn to keep their opinions to themselves if such an opinion will degenerate into a quarrel, for a better and more appropriate time to speak and they will do so prayerfully.
Proverbs 17:9 says "He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." Another possible and recommended way to handle issues that are potential dispute starter in the home is to forgive and bury grievances without even discussing them. Just as it is possible to assume on the negative for an action gone wrong, so also is it possible to assume on the positive for an action gone wrong. It is possible to build within you an excuse for that wrong action, forgive the action and move on without a fight or keeping record of such. Doing this the Bible says promotes love. Covering the offence and letting it pass does not make you a weakling, it only shows that you are a true child of God. If you feel so heavy about the matter, please pray about it rather than make an issue out of it.
In as much as I am a woman, I have discovered that a handful (although not all cases) of abuse in marriages originates from either a quarrelsome wife, a wife with good character deficiency or a wife who regardless of the mood of her husband wants to air views on sensitive issues capable of degenerating into an argument or fight maybe because she is hurting and unable to control her emotions or she just does not care. Although this might not go well with some people but as a wife aiming to be all that God has ordained her to be, she needs to pray and seek God for a selfless attitude whereby she is able to sacrifice herself wholly, and her emotions totally in order to promote the peace of her home and fulfill her God given assignment. In order to be a wise woman, there is the need to train oneself in the virtue of self-control. The woman is the heart of the home, she is the one assigned to build the home and in order to do these effectively she needs  to be wise, tolerant, self-controlled and selfless in nature. The fruits of these seeds when sown prayerfully is a peaceful and prosperous home and marriage.
In Malachi 2:16 God gave a stern warning to the man against violence in marriage. I have observed that nothing destroys a man's life while still living than his inability to control himself from hitting his wife. And when he does it once, the devil will always push him to do it again thereby draining out the favour of God from the life of such a man.
Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord." Men who beat up their wives seldom prosper. This is so because they are beating up the favour of God for their lives. A man who beats his wife, unknowing to him, beats off his prosperity, his wealth, his blessings, his good health and everything in his life that requires the favour of God because that which hold God's favour in his life is beaten off and treated with disdain. The consequences of a violent man is far costlier than the temporary satisfaction derived from the brief insanity of his actions. No wonder God has warned the men over and over again to treat their wives with love and care. No amount of sacrifice can spare a violent husband from the wrath of God. Malachi 2:13-14 says "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offering or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as a witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." 
Just before I conclude on this, I will want to awaken the wife to one aspect of her assignment in the life of her husband. The Lord has created the wife and placed her in the life of her husband as a help in fulfilling her husband's destiny. As a wife to a violent man, you are still the help that the Lord will use in bringing about the desired change in the life of that man. Remember what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2. Try as much as possible not to provoke the violence in your husband, always stay out of his way when he is angry and pray tireless for the calm and the peace of God on his life. The Lord created that husband of yours and He alone can bring about the desired change in his life that you seek. As a wise home builder, never allow a talk lead to an argument, but if it does, never let it lead to a fight. You should know when to put your emotions in check and bury the talk before it gets out of hand.  
Please note that: "Reacting negatively to a wrong done against you does not make you better than the one who wronged." Jesus in His wisdom said "be angry but do not sin." Do not let your anger lead you to sin.
In my next post I will be trusting the Lord for His divine revelation as I write on the importance of unity in the home. 

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

God's Rules For The Man In Marriage.

I ended yesterday's post with a promise to discuss the rules for the man in marriage. For the fact that the man is the head of the home it should be expected that he carries a bigger responsibility in the home. He is the head of the home, and within the head resides the brain and biologically all the nerves in the body are connected to the brain. For the hands to move, and the mouth to talk, and the eyes to blink, there are communications and connections with the brain. All the emotions felt by the body originates in the brain and so when the man is refereed to as the head then he carries a lot of weight on himself. He is automatically responsible for the whole body.

Ephesians 5:22-31
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  

1 Peter 3:1-4, 7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight. 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Bearing in mind the fact that the man is the head of the home as ordained by God, the next thing is to know what God's rules are to the man in marriage, the husband to the wife. From the passage above, God has asked the husbands to LOVE their wives as Christ loved the church. There are many ways a man can love a woman, but when it comes to the love of a man to his wife, his life should be in the pattern in which Christ loved the church.
So the next thing to know is "How does Christ love the church?" If a man is able to understand the love between Christ and the church, it will not be difficult to know and understand what God requires of him to his wife. From my understanding of this love, it is such a deep love that it took Christ dying for. He loved the church to the point of offering Himself up as an atonement sacrifice for the sins of the church. He didn't just die for the church, He is the advocate of the church before God. He is pleading the case of the church till date before God. The is the pacesetter for the church, teaching her the acceptable way of living through His own life and washing her continually with the word, cleansing her and making her blemish free not for any other lover, but for Himself.
Christ as a lover of the church is a shield of protection over the church. He is the provider for the needs and wants of the church. For as long as the church prays and cries to Him, He is there to meet their needs. He is the comforter of the church, and He delivers her from all her troubles. And I can go on and on about the love of Christ for the church. It is a deep love in which the depth reaches deep into the earth and the length extends to the heaven. And this is the kind of love the Lord has asked the man to give to his wife. The deep sacrificial unconditional love, just as Christ loves the church.
It is interesting to seek God and know why He demands that a man loves his wife with a deep sacrificial and unconditional love in the pattern in which Christ loves the church. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord." From this passage, it will not be wrong to say that your wife whom the Lord has given to the man (Proverbs 19:14b but a prudent wife is from the Lord) is favour in human skin, she is favour personified. So if a man seeks favour and is looking up to God for favour and you look into the eyes of your prudent wife, she is the human container in which the Lord has packaged all the favour you are seeking for from Him. So it is not a mystery that God said through Paul and Peter that you should love your wife deeply. You need to love and appreciate God's favour in your life in the person of your wife.
Let's take a simple illustration to better understand what God is requiring of a man. Assuming a man has been given as assignment to do, and given a single multipurpose tool to carry out the gigantic task. This single all purpose tool is all the man requires to carry out effectively the various assignments and tasks that he may ever come across as he journeys through life. If on receiving this tool he does not handle it with care he stands the risk of failing in all the task that will be assigned to him. The tool is one of its kind, it cannot be bought with money and does not have a replica. And lastly, it is uniquely made just for the man needing it. It's totally useless to the man next door, so it cannot be borrowed. If this man wants to succeed in his life's task, then he needs to take special care of the tool of his accomplishment.
The tool in this illustration is the wife, and the man is the husband. All that a man needs to be a success in life has been packaged in his wife, she is the container carrying God's favour for the man and so it is so very important that a man seeking success in life needs to take very good care of his wife. And so Peter said in 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and heirs with you to the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."   Again Malachi 2:13-14 reads "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask why, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant."
Here are the words of God to the man who has not learnt to love deeply, sacrificially and unconditionally the wife whom the Lord has given him. Speaking in plan terms, neglecting your wife is just like throwing away God's favour for your life and so God has asked the husbands to love their wives and treat them with respect as one who carries the favour of God for their lives.
As a man, to love your wife is obeying God's command and it is not subject to whether your wife has earned your love or not. The church has done nothing to earn the love of Christ, yet He loves us anyway. You need not wait for your wife to submit to you before loving her like God has asked you to. Your unending love in submission to the command of God with plenty of prayers will eventually bring out God's deposit for you in the life of your wife.


Tuesday, 3 March 2015

God's Rules For The Wife In Marriage

If you agree with me that love is not a reason good enough to solely base a marriage decision on, but a divine consultation with God on the matter, then we can move on to know and discover God's rules for the man and the woman in marriage.
Some have said that human beings are irrational and as such there is no clear cut rules for marriage to work because what applies to Mr. A might not apply to Mr. B. In as much as it is true that human beings are irrational, the Lord who instituted marriage, instituted it with some basic rules that if applied to any marriage wholeheartedly they are bound to yield positive results. The Lord who created the man and the woman and brought them together as husband and wife has set some rules by which they are to live together, and adherence to these rules guarantees success in their marriage and home.

Ephesians 5:22-31
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  

1 Peter 3:1-4, 7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight. 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 

God's basic rules for the man and his wife in marriage can be found in these two passages. In discussing these rules, we will begin with the rules for the wives. It will be assumed that the instructions from God will be directed to the husbands first as they are the heads of the homes. But God decided to give his instruction from the mouth of Paul and Peter first to the wives.
God is addressing the wives first because they are the bedrock of the marriage. I once heard a quote that says "a man is the head of the home, but the wife is the heart of the home." Biologically speaking, if the head stops to function, the body cease to function properly, yet it is still alive. But if the hearts stops to beat, the body is immediately pronounced dead. When the hearts fails the entire body dies, including the head. So, this tells us that the woman plays a very important and significant rule in the life of her husband and her home as a whole. The lifeline of the marriage has been handed to the woman by God yet she is placed lower in the hierarchy of the home in submission to her husband.
Now the rule to the wife in marriage given to her by God the creator of marriage says "WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBANDS AS TO THE LORD." This instruction or rule is written in the same way in every passage where you find it rule in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1, Colossians 3:1). In order to better understand what God requires of us when He instructed the wives to submit to their husbands, here is the dictionary meaning of the word submit. To submit is "yield oneself to the power or authority of another." So what God has instructed the wives to do is to yield themselves to the authority of their husbands.
If we know well what God has instructed the wives to do as He gives the rule "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord," the next important thing to note is why will God instruct the wives to submit to their husbands when as a wife you feel you hold in your hands the key to the success of the marriage? Figuratively, you are the heartbeat of that marriage.

Genesis 2:18, 22
The Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

From these passages refering to the origin of marriage, the wife was created as a suitable helper to her husband, and so the Lord made her from the rib He had taken from the man, not to rule over the man or to be equal to the man, but to be a suitable helper for the man. And so if the wife is to be what God created her to be and perform her duties in life assigned to her by God effectively and efficiently, then first she needs to submit to her husband whom the Lord has created her to help. For a wife to help her husband she needs to yield herself to the power and authority of the man from whose ribs the Lord made her and for whose life's destiny she was made to help.
In years past I was in a turbulent marriage, several times I contemplated divorce. True, my husband didn't really abuse me physically, yet what I was going through in my marriage was far above physical abuse. I was very miserable in the marriage. I was a good Christian then, and so I felt since I had a relationship with God which was weightier than the relationship between my husband and God, I felt I was right and he was wrong. And in truth my husband was not caring at all. I prayed to God to get me out of the miserable marriage and yet I knew that getting a divorce or a separation will be a dent on my Christianity.
Then the Lord opened my understanding to the rule He issued to the wife in marriage. The Lord told me that as mean and cruel as my husband was then, I should go back and submit to him in all things. Before then I was submissive, I was not confrontational at all, but my submission was selective. But the Lord told me to submit in all things and leave everything else about the marriage for Him to solve. Today, I am overwhelmed at the transformation in my marriage. I am not just happy, but I am loved by my husband. So loved that I will say I am over-loved (although I am not complaining). I am treated with respect and dignity by a man who once saw me as a piece flesh that he has to cope with. And today my husband looks at me lovingly and thanks me for coping with his excesses back then and sticking by him when he neglected me and didn't appreciate me. It was tough doing what God asked me to do then, but I am happy I obeyed the rules of marriage and today I am enjoying the fruits of the seed I sowed in tears.
1 Peter 3:1 says "Wives, in the same way submit to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives." So if you have an unbelieving husband, that is not an excuse to undermine his authority. It is then the Lord requires you submit to him the more, because it is through your submission to your husband as to the Lord, when he sees the purity and reverence of your life that has been enveloped in Christ Jesus that he will be won over to Christ. You, through your actions and behaviour are the instrument that God desires to use in winning your husband to Himself. Thus you will be fulfilling your role and duty in the life of your husband as his suitable helper. 
There are so many other rules for the wife in marriage, and we will be discussing and applying them in other posts, but the rule of submission is the foundation laying rule of any successful marriage. When the wife is in submission to her husband as to the Lord, then she is laying the foundation for her peace of mind in that marriage. A wife has not been created as equal to her husband, but as a suitable helper to him.
NOTE: Being submissive to your husband without being prayerful is like one having the substance without power. You stand the risk of humiliation by your husband if he is an unbeliever. And when you are prayerful but lack that attribute called submission then you are no better than an hypocrite. The Christ in you is to be seen in your life of purity and reverence in submission to your husband rather than plenty prayer that are going nowhere. But when you desire a successful marriage, then you become a submissive prayerful wife. You combine your character qualities with the power of God in prayer and a beautiful marriage is yours for the keeps.
In my next post, we will consider God's rules for the husbands in marriage. It is an eye opener, so please wait for it.