The Secret of Making Submission Easy

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I have often heard pastors preach about submission in marriage and encourage both the husband and his wife to submit to one another. While this might be said to drive home the essence of the message they are preaching or conveying their thoughts to their audience, it still represents a misalignment with the instructions of the Bible.

Although Ephesians 5:21 instructs us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, the detailed explanation follows from Ephesians 5:22-33, concluding with Paul's instruction to husbands to love their wives as themselves and for wives to respect their husbands.

Submission is the duty of a wife to her husband, and this duty does not come with exceptions. It is unconditional, and she must submit in likeness to the submission she gives to God. And for the husband, your big assignment from God is to love your wife first as yourself and then as Christ loves the church. A man who responds to his body when he has a headache is expected by God to respond to his wife when she shows signs of dissatisfaction over something he has control over or a decision he has made.

If this is what these preachers term as a man submitting to his wife, then I will understand. But if, as a wife, you think you can instruct your husband, and he should obey because Ephesians 5:21 says we should submit to one another, and that is all you see in that chapter of the Bible, then you are in for a big surprise. You urgently need to unlearn what you have learned if your marriage is to stand the test of time.

The reality of the matter is that it is a wife who submits to her husband. It is the wife who is expected to willingly yield herself to the authority of her husband because, based on the hierarchy designed by God, the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. In fact, Paul reiterates this in 1 Corinthians 11:3, stating that the head of the man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man.

We follow a leader and not instruct leaders. When you think you want to instruct your husband and be successful at it, you will need to route that instruction through Christ, who is the head of the man. You get that job done on your knees in prayer. Thank God we have direct access to Christ, which gives us the opportunity and grace to route our instructions through Him.

However, this submission can be quite challenging, especially when you see your husband making errors in judgment, making decisions based on faulty information, and often making decisions that affect the family without first praying about the decision he is making. We don't know what the future holds, but we know the One (God) who knows the end from the beginning. You will agree with me that it's not always the case that our gut feelings are right. And we have experienced situations where, as the wife, you end up having to clear the mess of the aftermath of those faulty decisions.  

Now, you want to put in a word in time to avoid a mess from a decision gone wrong, and your husband would just not have it. He will not have you boss him around, as that is how he sees your advice. As the wife, you are angry, pissed off, and you tell yourself at least the Bible says submit to one another.

I am sure I speak the minds of many wives because I have been there many times before. I learned to be silent and watch my husband have it his way at the very expense of what I believe in and my convictions. However, it becomes easier for me to do that when I hand over those decisions he must make to God, whether they concern me or affect me or not. My prayer is that, since my husband is my head and Christ is his head, the Lord will fill my husband with Himself so that whatever decisions he has to make come from God through him.

The important thing I want to highlight here is that I still never align with some of those decisions based on my understanding. But I have learned to trust the decisions because I trust Christ, who is handling those decisions behind the scenes. My husband has made some decisions that do not make sense at the time, and if you ask him, he'll tell you he can't explain the rationale behind those decisions. On my part, I am grudgingly submitting anyway. Ultimately, those decisions prove to be the best for all of us.

There is no point in struggling to be heard, fighting for relevance, or fighting for your words to be heard. You are the loudest, most valued, and most relevant in that marriage when you route your instructions through Christ, who is head over your husband. The secret is that you speak through Christ. In that way, all the decisions will always work for your good. You get everything working in your favor, and you eliminate the supremacy battle in your home.

If this piece of secret has blessed you, don't keep it to yourself. Help a marriage by sharing it with those who will also be blessed by it. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. The bookshelf is a place I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage journey. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.