What a Husband Needs to Do to Make His Wife Submit to Him

In one of my previous blog posts, we looked at the law of God for marriage, which says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. Again, I will say that submission by a wife to her husband is not a sign of her weakness; it is not a sign of her stupidity; it doesn't make her less intelligent, nor does it demean her self-worth or self-esteem. It simply means that as a child of God, she obeys God's instruction for her life as a wife. It tells God how much of a serious and dedicated child she is to Him.

When a wife who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband, it's good, but the chances are there that the husband can trample on that submission if he also does not have the mind of Christ in him. He can make a caricature of her effort, and that, in turn, demeans her self-worth. But when she is a child of God – not by human standard, but by the Spirit of God testifying with her own spirit that she is a child of God, submission becomes evidence of strength because she combines obedience to the word of God with the power of God. No man can trample on such submission. A right-thinking husband will be careful to do what is right with such obedience, or he stands the risk of being chastised by God.

So, we will discuss the responsibilities that accrue to a man who earns the submission and respect of his God-given wife. First, we will note that the kind of submission a wife gives her husband is like the kind of submission she gives to God. So, what does God do with our submission? How does God handle the submission we give to Him? Does He insult it, disrespect it, play boss with it, and ill-treat us for submitting to Him? This is what every husband who wishes that his wife should submit to him needs to critically ponder because God expects that you watch what He does with the submission we give to Him and replicate His actions towards your wife whom you wish to submit to you.

Just like God delights in our obedience, it pleases Him that we trust Him unconditionally and obey His words without question, so does a man delight in his wife's submission and enjoy the reverence he gets from her. But God doesn't just handle our submission to Him with levity; rather, He cherishes it so much that the only way to have God do what we want Him to do for us is by submitting to Him. Now, is the husband who seeks submission from his wife willing to give her as much reward for her submission as God gives us for submitting to him? And this is why I say to men that when you want your wife to submit to you, it's good, but it's not to boost your ego because what you seek actually accrues enormous responsibilities to you.

Paul in Ephesians 5:25-27 said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy without blemish." In this passage, we can readily tell that the church isn't perfect; otherwise, Christ will not need to sanctify and cleanse her with the word; He will not need to make an effort to remove spots and wrinkles or any form of blemish. However, due to the church's imperfection, Christ needed to do so much.

In the same way, the husband who wants to enjoy his wife's submission also needs to love his wife with the magnitude of love that Christ loves the church. He needs to love her despite her imperfections, taking on the responsibility of sanctifying and cleansing her with the word until she is without spot or wrinkle, until all her blemishes go away. Then, he presents her to himself as a glorious bride.

If you ask me, I will say that it is the husband's responsibility to lovingly train his wife into whom he wants her to be rather than insulting his wife's family for not bringing up their daughter well. The wife is a reflection of the effectiveness of the husband as a leader. The husband trains his wife not with violence or harsh words, not with insults and derogatory words, not with physical or verbal abuse, but with words that inspire and encourage. The Bible says in Proverbs 16:34 that sweet words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. It is the subtle words and loving corrections that effectively get the job done, and with plenty of prayers, too. The husband will need to correct his wife, no doubt, but should he abuse her by doing so? That is so very wrong and ungodly.

So, what should a husband do with the submission he seeks from his wife? I will say that he treats that submission like Christ treats the submission of the church. As a husband, it is important that you understand that you have to work hard to earn your wife's submission. Christ had to die a gruesome death on the cross for Him to earn the submission of the church. Though submission from a wife to her husband is a law of God to the wife, on the other hand, it is an assignment from God to the husband. If God has likened this whole process of marriage to the relationship between Christ and the church, then it is important to note that before a husband begins to claim the right of submission in his marriage, he must have made huge sacrifices to be entitled to such a right. This is huge but true. I pray the Lord grants us understanding and the brokenness we need to excel in our marriages.

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