What Happens When the Bottleneck is Your Spouse

Based on God’s design, marriage is complementary. One spouse is supposed to support the other, and they are both to lift each other up. The Bible has taught us that they are no longer two but one flesh. The idea of who owns what or who is more successful than the other in marriage is foolish in its totality. The definition of success for couples is not related to how much money each has in their account as the simple-minded see it. It is how much they have excelled in fulfilling their God-given assignment towards each other. Success is sweet when you look at your spouse and see your impact on his/her achievement. A very common proverb says, "Behind every successful man is a woman," but in the real and ideal sense, it should be, "Behind every successful man should be his wife."

As a wife, the pride of your achievement should be that your husband is successful. You don’t have to put money in his pocket to make that happen; let God handle that assignment. You don’t even have to provide an opportunity for a breakthrough; that also is for God to do. It is God who opens doors of opportunities. But you can sure put in the prayers and fasting; you can add calmness of the environment to your contribution when you give him peace of mind, and you are not quarrelsome or nagging all the time. When you don’t throw insults at him, and you acknowledge and appreciate his little efforts even when they appear insufficient. When you support the home with your widow’s might and never talk about it. When you become a listening ear for him and never shame him—a place of comfort when he needs someone to talk to and unburden his mind to without judging him or providing unsolicited advice. When you don’t make him feel belittled or compare him to his money-bag peers or your friend’s wealthy husband.

All these do not require you to play God and try to shoulder the responsibilities that are really not yours. They are just the little things that go a long way to boost your husband's confidence and give him that fighting spirit and the determination to stand up and fight when life’s issues try to knock him down. Proverbs 27:15 says a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. A quarrelsome wife adds no value but instead drains value. No matter the justification a wife has for being a value drainer, it is still not good enough an excuse for God. Such a wife is not fulfilling her God-given assignment in her husband's life. Proverbs 16:24 tells us that pleasant words are like a honeycomb: sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. You bring healing into your husband’s life simply by using pleasant words. These are not my words but treasured wisdom from the Bible.

But this issue goes both ways. A man who feels threatened by the success of his wife is actually not ready for success in his own life. He is going nowhere and is just dragging his wife into the mud with him. If not for the reason of absolute foolishness, if God gives you a wife and then says this wife is an embodiment of His favor in your life (Proverbs 18:22), and all you do is hinder her from being all that God has called her to be, then you shortchange yourself. Your wife is your support system; if you fail to let her gather enough resources to support you with, then when you need her to come through for you,  she will be empty, and it will be all your fault.

A man with the mind of Christ in him will want for his wife what he wants for himself, as Paul taught us in Ephesians 5:25-30. As a husband, your wife is a reflection of your leadership qualities. Your scorecard in terms of success is not in how much you possess in your bank account but how well you have faired as a husband and father. Even with the most impossible wife, a wise man will know how to bring out the best in her for himself.

In teaching men how to handle their wives, Paul said in the manner in which Christ sanctified the church, cleansing her with the word and presenting her to Himself, so also should a man take care of his wife so that he can present her to himself as a glorious bride. Sanctifying, cleansing, caring for, and loving your wife is not limited to putting money in her bank account. In fact, sometimes, that is far from what God wants. But it can mean enabling her to soar, giving her room to be the virtuous woman who finds a field and buys it with her profit, whose trade is profitable and her merchandise is good, understanding that on account of the strength in her arms, you, her husband can sit at the city gates with elders.

There are many unfounded reasons why men shy away from enabling their wives to become all that God has given them the potential to be. Most of these reasons originate from man's insecurity. But pursuing these insecurities amounts to you short-changing yourself.

As I said in the first chapter of the blog, marriage is a “we” business with both partners supporting the other for growth and destiny fulfillment. They complement each other, which is why Solomon rightly says two are better than one, for they have a good reward for their labor. Your spouse is not a treat in your life but one that should make the journey of life easier and challenges easy to overcome; when one falls, the other is readily available to lift him up. That is the wisdom of God in marriage.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.