Why Run When You Can Win

It’s another beautiful day, and another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of the word of God with you on marriage. I pray the seed of the word of God sown continually through this blog will germinate and produce fruits in your lives, to the glory of God alone.

During my break, I discovered one interesting vice in marriage, and that vice is that couples are always quick to separate. One too many arguments and both are quick to go their separate ways. Some of the not-well-thought-of assumptions that precede this separation is that the wife who oftentimes is the one who walks out of the marriage does so with the believe that her husband will miss her and come begging, or that her absence will make him have a rethink on the things he is doing wrong, and he can come back to his senses.

Unfortunately, in seven out of every ten cases such as this, what is expected does not happen. The husband who claims he didn’t send his wife packing never goes to beg. His ego wouldn’t let him and though he may be hurting, his pride will override what his wife had anticipated should happen when she left. So, what was meant to repair, eventually destroys completely. Over time, frustration sets in, divorce is filled, and the marriage is dead. Several blame games are played with no winner but all losers.

One of the excuses women give is that they anticipate violence from their husbands. You hear things like, “he slapped me once and before he kills me, I better leave to save my life.” I totally agree that quite a lot of death have occurred from violence in marriage, in fact, the number and reoccurrence of such are quite alarming. But what has caused this is as a result of lack of knowledge and divine wisdom that encourages a healthy and prosperous marriage. God said, “my people perish for lack of knowledge.”

Running away from a troubled marriage does not solve the problem, and if you truly are a child of God you will understand that running away from your marriage is doing what God who is your Father hates. Now, you might want to add that ‘is God not seeing how my husband or wife is treating me.’ Well God sees it all, and He wants to help you get it better if you would let Him. The problem you are having is that you don’t agree with God's way of fixing the situation and so you assume that God is unjust. So, in the long run, the problem is not with God, the problem is with you.

In Malachi 2:16, God says He hates divorce, also did He say He hates violence. In Matthew 19:4-6 Jesus reiterated what God had ordained from the beginning, that the man and his wife are no longer two but one, and what God has joined together, man should not separate. Again in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, God through Paul warned us married couples that a wife should not separate from her husband and if she does, she is only allowed to reconcile with the same husband and not marry someone else. And that I a man should not divorce his wife.

Some may argue that Jesus permitted divorce on the ground of infidelity and to this I accept. But the clause remains that whoever gets a divorce on the grounds of infidelity is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to the same husband or wife they left.

If this is then the case, what happens to those who are under the yoke of terrible marriages, why are they not given the privilege to walk out of such the marriage with their lives intact? Well, its because God knows that their marriages are not the problem and it can actually be better if only they wait on Him, obey Him and follow His instructions in handling that marriage. And so, if your marriage is troubled, seek God, when you seek God listen to Him, He will show you what to do. When He shows you what to do, please do it and you will have a lasting joy in your marriage. This is just as practical as it is written. I am a living witness to what I write. I have counseled so many people to do this and their stories have changed for the better.

There is no such thing as a wrong marriage, neither is there anything like a mistake marriage. If there ever is such, then you are the wrong and the mistake in that marriage. What you sow in your marriage is what you reap from it. Change your seed and see the difference. If God does not make mistakes, and He didn’t go on leave when you were getting married and He says in Malachi 2:14 that He acts as witness between you and the wife of your youth, then your marriage is not a mistake, you only lack the wisdom and understanding of how to make it work.

It is wrong to go into marriage with a stereotype mindset about marriage. What works for couple A in most cases will not work for couple B and so you should not be lazy in discovering what will work for your marriage and run with it to success. Some wives are homely and easily convinced. If your wife is not so, that does not make her bad, it only requires you knowing how to bring the best out of her and applying same. And because your sister’s husband finds it easy to express love to his wife does not mean your husband should be the same, after all, they didn’t have the same foundational upbringing. Even brothers of the same father and mother act differently on the same issue. As a wife or husband, it is your responsibility to know what works for your marriage and run with it. And in knowing what works for your marriage, the simple wisdom is to seek God, listen to Him, obey His instructions for your marriage and succeed.

One important thing to highlight here is this, the Bible says we should test all spirit. In listening to God, you need to be objective and open-minded. First, understand that God will not say to you what does not agree with His word. If the voice you are hearing is saying you should take a step that is not agreeable with what is in the Bible, then that voice is not of God because God and His word are the same. God will never tell anyone to divorce his/her spouse because what the Bible tells us is that God hates divorce. Jesus let us know in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because the hearts of men were hard but that it was not so at the beginning.

But when you pray that God should heal your marriage and as a wife the voice you hear says you should go and submit to your husband (just like I heard in my own case), then that voice is from God because what you hear agrees with what you read in the Bible. In the same manner, if what you hear from God says to go love your wife unconditionally, then it is the voice of God because it agrees with the word of God that you have read in the Bible. Anything outside of this is not from God, it's just the dictates of your emotions that will not yield for you the desired result.

I pray some valuable lessons have been learned from today’s write-up and I pray that moving forward we will have a better understanding of how to handle difficult situations in our marriages. Challenges in life are there to build us up and make us stronger and your marital challenges are no exception. Those who run for battle cannot understand the joy of victory, only those who fight to win. Understand very clearly that your spouse is not your enemy and quit fighting the wrong battle. Until you hear from me again, remain very blessed.