I have heard a handful of women say they have been praying for their spouses, and nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, some have claimed that the Lord asked them to divorce. Be reminded that Jesus says in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the heart, but from the beginning it was not so. Note that it was Moses who permitted divorce and not God.
But divorce is not the topic of today’s discussion, so we
will not tarry on that. In reality, it will be funny if all we do is ask God to
touch our husband’s heart and change him as a person, and then we sit and wait
for a new man in the old man’s flesh, who happens to be the husband we are
praying for to manifest.
I tried that in my walk with God, and that didn’t work for
me. So, I spent many years in an unhappy marriage with my estranged husband,
and in all of it, I was praying. I never stopped praying. But when I was broken
enough, I began to pray for death instead. It felt like God was silent. It was
as if nothing had changed in my marriage.
I was stuck with a man who did not see me, or if he did, he
didn’t show it. I could not get a divorce because that is what God hates, and I
could not commit suicide because that would be murder. I was frustrated, and I
hated my situation. But guess what, I didn’t stop praying.
Over time, I started hearing God tell me to submit to my
husband as unto the Lord. I would open my Bible, and even without searching out
that scripture, I find myself in there. I heard it in my subconscious. God’s
voice never stopped dropping it in my spirit with a gentle nudge. That word
just kept coming at me.
Then, I spoke to God, I felt like the victim, and for me,
that instruction was unfair. I challenged God. I told Him I was the born-again
one, I was the one who was overlooked and needed to be treated better. And I
heard back from God. He told me that if I trust Him and believe in Him like I
am professing to, then I will start by doing exactly what I am told to do. My
trust in God should be expressed by my obedience to His words.
Don’t forget that, where I started from was praying for my
husband to change and for God to intervene in the challenges of my marriage. The
starting point of God’s answer to that prayer was me. I never would have
thought that I had a submission issue in my marriage until the Lord revealed it
to me. This is because I respected my husband to a fault.
But when the Lord kept speaking to me about submission, I
then prayed that He should teach me to submit to my husband in a way that He
(the Lord) approves of. As a matter of fact, I had to go and look up the
dictionary meaning of “submission” and “submit.” And what I learned from the
dictionary was that to submit means to yield yourself to the authority of
another willingly.
It was at that point that I knew and understood that what I
had for my husband was mere respect and not submission. My behavior then was
that when my husband gave an instruction that I didn’t align with, I never
argued. I only wait for him to go out of sight for me to implement what I was
convinced was the right thing to do. And guess what, I never saw this as a
problem; instead, I saw it as me helping him to avert the problems of a wrong
decision that he was making, in my own opinion.
Sometimes when we pray, God does a miracle instantly, and
sometimes He gives us a strategy that leads to our desired result. In that
instance, the work is done by us through the leading of God. And then sometimes
God takes what we have to create a miracle out of it. The truth is that for the
answered prayers that we seek, there will be an input from us. This is because
God multiples our seed, but He does not do magic. So, we need to give Him a
seed and sometimes seeds to multiply.
When we pray for our spouse, we need to understand that the
answer to that prayer will require some form of input from us. And that means
when we pray, we need to be attentive to the voice of God and be sensitive to
His leading. We cannot expect that once we pray, we will just have a brand new
husband in the old husband’s flesh overnight.
But what happens in reality is that the more we do what God
tells us to do, the more our spouse’s heart is being softened under the touch
of God. In Ezekiel 36:26, God says, “I will give you a new heart, and put a new
spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give
you a heart of flesh.” The implementation of this truth does not happen
overnight. It comes as a result of what the person has experienced that has
created a divine revelation within them.
Sometimes, the implementation of God’s word in the life of
your spouse, which is the sum of all your prayers for him, comes from what he
has experienced through your obeying God’s instructions for your life, as a
result of the strategy God has given you in the place of prayer. Your obedience
may be the eye opener for your spouse that brings about a new heaven revelation
that changes his heart of stone to a heart of flesh. So sometimes when you pray,
your actions, ability to hear from God, and your obedience to God’s instructions
are also needed in the answer to that prayer.
Let me use this illustration to explain this better. It's
like taking a sick person to the hospital, and a surgery is required. You, who
took the sick person for surgery, happen to be a nurse who is required to
assist the surgeon in carrying out the procedure. You are the custodian of the
tools needed to carry out the surgical procedure. When the surgeon asks for a
10-blade (tool needed for surgery), it is your responsibility to provide it
immediately; otherwise, there may be fatality.
This is what it feels like when we commit our spouses to God
in prayer. The Lord handles the change, but He requires our input in carrying
out the change. Your obedience to God’s instruction over your marriage, your
submission, and your act of selfless help are all tools in the hands of God in
bringing about the change in your spouse that you are praying for.
In my own case, God required my submission. And with His
help and the support of the Holy Spirit, I was able to submit to my husband in a
way that was usable by God in softening my husband’s heart and healing my
marriage. I made that sacrifice, and I am reaping the benefit now.
I don’t know what your command or instructions may be. But
when you pray, don’t just stop there; actions are required, and your input is
necessary. Listen to the voice of God, understand the instructions, and obey
the leading. In that obedience lies the strategy that is required for the
healing of your marriage. Never say or conclude that your spouse can never
change because they can if only you listen for the strategy, work with God, and
in due course enjoy the benefits.
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