What Does the Bible Say About Marriage Struggles?

Genesis 2:18-25 tells the story of the establishment of the marriage institution. The last verse of this scripture says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This is the genesis of marriage, a union that is birthed in trust, unity, and where there is nothing to be ashamed of between the husband and his wife.

Ephesians 5:22-33 gives us a detailed analysis of the rules of engagement in marriage. It tells us what God expects of the husband and his wife in marriage. The husband is to love his wife unconditionally and sacrificially in the manner in which Christ loves the church and died for her.

And the wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord. It is biblically established that the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. But if Christ is the example of leadership that God has used, then we can all agree that the husband is expected to be a servant-leader and not a boss-leader. He is expected to lead through service and sacrifice. 

In Jeremiah 29:11, God says, “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” If God has said this concerning His plans and dealings towards us, then the marriage is not designed for struggles, even though challenges may arise in a fallen world.

When we talk about struggles in marriage, it can be seen in two ways. First, where there is no peace within the marriage and the husband and wife cannot seem to find a common ground for the marriage to exist, or where there are external struggles that the husband and wife have to deal with as a unit. This is more like us against the world.

In this blog, we will be looking at the two scenarios and trust God to help us understand how to deal with each situation Biblically. The first scenario that I want us to review, which I also think is more important, is the struggle within the marriage.

Genesis 2:23-24 tells us that the wife is bone of bone, and flesh of flesh to her husband. And it is declared that the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. We find this same thing written in Malachi 2:15, Matthew 19:4-6, and Ephesians 5:31. The oneness of a man and his wife cannot be overemphasized, both in scriptures and reality.

While I will not undermine the struggles experienced in marriages, either by the wife or husband or both, attacking the struggle should not mean attacking one another. What God sees when it comes to marriage is not an individual man or woman, but a unit of one flesh and spirit existing in two physical bodies. And like Paul said in Ephesians 5:32, this is a great mystery.

The Bible in Ephesians 6:12 says, “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” If your spouse is flesh and blood and not a spiritual host of wickedness, then they are not your enemy.

You have been convinced in the wrong direction, and you are fighting the wrong battle. While I do not encourage, support, or promote violence and abuse in marriages, whether physical or emotional abuse, the way you wage war against this struggle is very important.

While removing yourself from harm's way, you war against the spirit that is causing struggles in your life and marriage, rather than war against the one you should be warring with. Your spouse is flesh and blood, and if they have become a channel through which the devil is infiltrating your marriage and peace, the truth remains that they are not the real enemy.

They may be acting under deception or spiritual influence, but that does not remove responsibility for their actions. And we see God addressing this in Malachi 2:13-16 and 1 Peter 3:7

Again, I would repeat that while not putting yourself in harm’s way, your battle is against the spiritual forces exploiting brokenness, sin, or unhealed areas that affect your spouse, which is responsible for the struggles and chaos you are experiencing in your marriage. Praying for the deliverance of your spouse rather than waging war against your spouse is the actual fight that your marriage needs.

I know what it feels like to have such a struggle in marriage because I have experienced it before. I was convinced I needed to walk away for my own peace of mind. I assumed getting a divorce would free me from the heartache that I was going through. But I also asked God for His leading. I prayed about my situation with an open heart, ready for what God had to show me.

What I learned is what I am sharing with you in this blog post. Today I have a very beautiful marriage, and the love in my marriage has been restored. My marriage will be 22 years old in about a month, and the bond and love I share with my husband feel so strong and beautiful. I will tell you that it was not like this about 8 years ago.

The next marriage struggle we will be talking about is the challenges that couples face from external sources. The husband and the wife joined together as a unit, warring against an external force. And this kind of struggle or challenge is a lot easier to win than the one we just finished discussing.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 talks about this in a beautiful manner. It says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. And then goes on to say that one may be overpowered, but two can withstand him. This is such a powerful truth because there is power in unity.

Deuteronomy 32:30 tells us how one can chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight. That arithmetic is only possible where there is unity, and your Rock is God. Matthew 18:19-20 sheds more light on this when Jesus declared that when two agree concerning anything, and they ask, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven.

These are the truths about struggles in marriage based on the Bible. God did not design marriages for struggles; what we see as struggles are attacks from spiritual forces of wickedness. They are not from God. And for every trial, God always makes a way of escape if we let Him take the lead and fight for us.

Your first concern as a married person is to fight for the unity, peace, and stability of your marriage. In good times and bad, you need to shield your marriage with prayers. Cover your spouse in prayer lest they become vessels that the real enemy uses to infiltrate your peace and engineer struggles into your marriage.

You have the word of God as your weapon. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 tells us that “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.” That is what we have to war with, and we war against spiritual forces and not our spouses; instead, we war for and with our spouses. 

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