Getting Practical With Marriage Issues

Good day beautiful people of God, its always a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity to share the truth of God’s word again in this blog. And I pray his word will bring light to every day area of our marriage and home in Jesus name.

Today I want to share a story that happened to someone I know well. This story is not peculiar to my friend, but it’s a story I have heard happen to a lot of women and I trust the Lord to help women having such issue to heal and find fulfillment in life again.

Issue

I have never felt so used and dejected by someone I loved and trusted so much; my husband of 28years. When I was still active in work, based on the position I held and the opportunities that came with my job I had the opportunity to make good extra wealth outside of my salary. I met my husband as a struggling man while I had very wealthy parents and because of the love I had for him I didn’t consider him low in status than I was, despite some objections I married him anyway. I helped my husband climbed the ladder of wealth and affluence in life. As a result of the opportunities afforded me on my job, I invested all my extra wealth on my husband. We had a lot of joint businesses that I ran and grew while all he did was just to sign the cheques. The inflows in the business accounts were all my efforts but the outflows where all his efforts. I didn’t foresee any problem coming up in future between us with regards to money, the love I had for him superseded any suspicion in my marriage. I wanted to make my marriage work by all means possible and so getting suspicious was not what a allowed to play host in my mind. Even when I heard stories of my husband’s escapades with other women I still didn’t see it affecting our business life. I managed both the business and the home front to the best of my ability with the business and career taking the forefront of my focus. Raising my children suffered though, but I managed to give them the best that money can buy. They all schooled abroad and enjoyed the luxuries of life. Now I am out of paid employment, and just when I thought I could cash-in on all my investment in my joint business with my husband and start another business that I can run on my own, my husband did a U-turn on me. He had removed my name and signature from all that we owned together, he removed my name as his next-of-kin and now all I do is just sit at home and wait on him while he goes about in the luxury of the wealth I worked for and he just gives me stipends when he deems it necessary. Another issue that I also have to battle with is my health. I have a very big battle with my health that keeps me in the hospital for months at the stretch. I am coming to terms with my fate and trust God to accept my soul if I die in this struggle. I am still married to my husband and I am sure everyone will reap just what they have sown. I pray and hope my children will learn from my mistakes. My only regret in life is that I should have taken time to be a better mother to my children and bring them up properly rather chase wealth that a man who is not worth it will eventually take over. The little strength I have left now is to give my children the mothering I didn't give them when they were young. Now they are in their twenties with lack of properly discipline evident in their character which is what I am now struggling to correct as the Lord still spares my life.

Response

This narration is very touching I must say and when things like this happen it is very easy to blame God and ask where was God when all these was happening. I feel so touched that I am tempted to be a bit biased in what I have to share in response to this, but at this time I will trust God to speak to you through me and not just to you, but to as many as have found themselves in a situation such as this. First I need to ask if you prayed and sought the face of God before getting married to your husband? I understand and know that God’s instruction to the wife in marriage is to submit to her husband in everything as to the Lord, but I would want to ask if you prayed to God before investing your wealth in the life of your husband? You are his suitable helper that God has placed in his life to help him fulfill his destiny, but not assigned to work and put all your life’s saving in your husband’s bank account to spend or a joint account which you don't have control over. I am most certain that if you did pray before getting married, you will still have very little hitches in the marriage, but not as grievous as this. And if you had consulted with God before putting all your wealth in your husband’s account the story would have been a little different. If your husband needed financial support you are required by God’s instruction to give him that support, but God did not ask us as wives to make our husbands our retirement plan. But nonetheless, you are still the suitable helper the Lord has provided for your husband to help him be a better person. Do not let material wealth prevent you from the assignment God has assigned you to do in his life. This is a typical example of what God says that “Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength,” (Jeremiah 17:5-9) your husband is just being a typical man. You will surely find it hard to trust him again, but that’s okay. Just trust God alone and put all your strength in focusing on God. When you do, the following things will happen: 1) He will right all the wrongs in your life, 2) He will bring you out of the sick bed, 3) He will teach your hands to make wealth again such that all that has been lost shall be recovered in an increased measure, 4) He will turn the lives of your children around for good, 5) He will heal your marriage and make your husband a better Christian. He will breathe life again into your marriage and as you are following in His instructions for your life and home, you will be able to be the suitable helper for your husband again and fulfill your mandate in his life once again. In doing all this, the glory of the latter you will surely surpass that of the former. In fact you will totally forget this period of your life as God will make you forget all that you have gone through if only you can carelessly unburden yourself at the feet of Jesus and raise your head in focus on Him alone. There is nothing you do or nothing anybody can do that can give you a refreshing and positive exit from all these troubles outside of what God can do. Don’t resign yourself to the fate of what you are going through as the will of God because it is not. God didn’t create us to suffer and die in our sufferings. The challenges of life are there to train us to be better people and not to break us. His will for is perfectly good to give us hope and bring us to an expected end. You have made your mistakes and though you have suffered for it, now is the time to walk out of those mistakes and their consequences and let God replace the bad with good. You will have a refreshing start again in Jesus name.

Responding to Your Questions

Hello God’s people, it’s a beautiful day again and it is the day the Lord has made and we will rejoice and be glad in it. I personally thank God for His mercies and grace on my life, on my husband, on my children and on you who take the time to read the messages on this blog and I pray that the blessings of the Lord will forever remain on our lives and not just that, but we will be sources of joy and blessings to those we encounter in our life’s journey in Jesus name.

Sometime back I shared a post about a man I met while waiting in the lobby of a game’s room for my husband and while waiting I got talking to this man. Below is the excerpt of the blog and I wish to revisit that discussion so as to share some responses that I got, and also to give my won conclusion on the matter. So below is a recap of the post and the responses that came afterwards. 

I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.

He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.

From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.

In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 

Response 1

Dear Derin, happy celebration of the Easter once again, I read your message and I have this to say: Many times we tend to find fault in our partner when in truth the answer lies with us. As this for man, it is possible that the wife’s reaction to communication with him might be as a result of some unresolved issues. We have different ways in which we handle issues. For every action there is a reaction. In this case, maybe in time past when they both have discussions, he always puts the wife down and treat her like a senseless idiot and this can be one big hurt in the heart of his wife. Her not talking to him may be a tool of defense to protect herself. I have been there before, I know how it feels. No wife wants her husband to look down on her, it can rid her of her self-worth and self-esteem. It is easy to talk to another person and feel she fills in the gap, but in truth he should truthfully ask himself where he has missed it and make amends instead of creating another issue of concern. Many men treat their wives as slaves other than a wife and what they get is the response of a slave. Men need to get it right. 1 Peter 3:7 is a command not an advise. Thanks.

Response 2

Did he talk to his wife about the issue before he chose to have extramarital affair? If yes, did he involve people who are close to the wife and can intervene? There are two sides to every story, I as a woman and a Christian will not support his action.

Response 3

Babes Aderinsola, I want to first appreciate your previous post on your blog, they are indeed inspired by God. More grace in Jesus name. Now about the cheating husband and insensitive wife, I want to believe the husband still got is wrong by cheating on his wife. He just has to still try hard to make her talk. There are reasons everyday one of the spouses can hold in order to justify why he/she went overboard but no reason is good enough for extra-marital affairs. The communication should be worked on. If he wants to justify the lack of effective communication as the reason, then when that is solved another might surface.

Response 4

People always make excuses for being unfaithful.

Above are responses to the blog post and I am so very grateful for these responses, I sincerely hope and pray that a lot of men will read this post, most especially the responses and begin to sit up and do the needful in their marriages. I pray that God will raise a man that will take up the task of touching the hearts of his fellow men to be better husbands. I have read a lot on the cry of women for the need for more committed husbands. We as women have the capacity to grow and multiple the seed sown in us, so if only our husbands will take the time to sow the right seeds, it is just a matter of time for them to begin to reap bountiful harvest of love, care, respect and every other thing they desire from a wife as they sow the seeds in us.

I totally agree with all of these responses, and I am also of the same view that no matter the situation on ground there is no excuse for extra-marital affairs. It is so very true that people will always make an excuse for being unfaithful but as a wife you need to be very sensitive with your marriage so as not to be an excuse for your husband to be unfaithful to you. 
Going back to the issue at hand, this man never mentioned that he prayed about the situation. We remember that in the book of Genesis Isaac prayed to God for the need in the life of his wife. It was Isaac who prayed out the barrenness of Rebekah, something his father Abraham never did for his wife Sarah. Rather than men seeking the short cut to issues in their marriage, like Isaac its important that they pray hard and persevere over the challenges in their marriage in order to avoid making mistakes they will end up regretting.

One of the responses raised an issue that I think is worth pondering on, she said probably the wife was reacting to a previous hurt she experienced. She said probably in previous conversions the husband puts the wife down in her contribution and treats her like a senseless idiot. This is an area I am sure a lot of women have experienced hurt from their husbands. Now this is a very wrong way to treat a woman. I have heard it said and I agree with that school of thought, that women always multiple what you give to them. If you sow good seeds in your wife, she will multiple the good seed and produce more good for you in return. And if you sow bad seeds in her, she will multiple it and in same manner produce more trouble for you. In that case, divorcing her or cheating on her does not make you a good man, you only deepen your problems with acts that comes with severe negative after effect. It is simply a case of you reaping what you have sown and the only remedy is to change your seed to good ones that you might reap good that multiples from what you have sown.

You can't bring out the best in your wife by treating her like a piece of rubbish. When your wife is handled like a glorified housemaid, you should not expect anything more from her than a housemaid reaction. When you treat your wife like a queen, that automatically makes you the king of her life, so when you want to feel like a king and enjoy royalty in your home, just start by treating your wife like a queen and the kingship is yours for the taking. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Let's Discuss This

Hello beautiful people, I thank God that we are all still alive to experience the joyous celebration of the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one and only reason we are called Christians, and loved dearly by God. The reason we are adopted as children of the Most High King; the Maker of the Universe. Words are always not enough to explain and express the uncomprehendable love of God displayed in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Indeed He is our salvation. I say Happy Easter celebration to all the wonderful people of God.

I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.

He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.

From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.

In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage (2)

Like I always begin my post, it’s a beautiful day and a beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word on this blog and I pray that by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, lives and homes will be changed to the glory of God.

In my last blog post I shared a message on the importance of communication in marriage and I focused on handling the negative aspect of communication. Aided with the truth of God’s word we learned that no matter how hard or harsh a communication is presented, it should be responded to gently. With this, wrath is turned away and peace is cultivated in the home.

So in this blog post I want us to consider a more positive side of communication in marriage. Not the kind of communication that begins with harsh words with the likelihood of being followed by harsh words, but the kind of communication between a man and his wife that bothers on the growth and development of their home, sharing thoughts and things that bother each other or confiding in one other of plans and goals of the family.

One important purpose of marriage is companionship. God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so He formed a woman from the man as his suitable helper to support him and help him grow while he loves and cherishes her as she gives him strength and confidence to go about his daily activities (Genesis 2:18-25). And then we hear God speak through Solomon in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one because if one falls his friend can help him up and if two lie together they will keep warm.

But there cannot be any companionship where there is no communication, so it is important that for the purpose of companionship which is one of the reasons God established marriage, communication in marriage needs to be guarded jealously and diligently. Both spouses are to ensure there is no gap in communication flow between them.

Again I want to speak more specifically to the woman, not that the man has no role to play in all these, but the woman is the heartbeat of any marriage, for as long as the wife is getting it right, that marriage will always survive unless the Lord decides to put a stop to it by calling home one part of the couple. So I want to ask the wives this question: “If your husband confides in you about an issue that is bothering him and giving him sleepless night, what do you do about it? How do you handle the information that has just been handed over to you? The way you threat this information determines if and how frequent you get more information from him and if for any reason you handle the information trust to you carelessly and he decides to stop or pause the amount of delicate information he passes down to you, the crack in your marriage has begun. You can be sure that his holding back of information or keeping secrets from you is not a pleasant experience at all in marriage. Some homes are broken for just this singular reason.

A woman whose husband has just shared a thought with or an experience he had with someone outside their marriage with and she turns around to call the man a fool for acting that way has just dug a pit in her marriage. A woman whose husband just informed her of a gift he gave someone and she goes behind your husband to harass the one who got the gift in the name of supporting her husband has just caused a crack in the bridge of communication between her and her husband. These actions are not wise at all.

Wisdom in marriage is not literally fighting all of your husband’s battles as if he is boneless and you are in his life to take his place, but while he is handling issues in the physical, you as his wife should be handling things in the spiritual and the Bible says a chord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12), if at all it is ever possible for it to break.

When your husband confides in you and he does not ask for your input in the matter, please just listen and use that which he has told you as a point of prayer that the Lord will direct his steps to do the right things and take the right decisions. When you have prayed and you have faith, you can be sure that all will be well.

Also if your husband confides in you and asks for your advice on what he has told you, you need to be objective about your advice, if he was wrong in doing what he did, point it out to him politely. Proverbs 15:2a say, the tongue of the wise commends knowledge. The fact that your husband is asking you for advice is a sign that he trusts your judgment and his opened to the advice that you might give. So present your case politely, remember that Proverbs 15:1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When you notice that he is not taking kindly to what you have to tell him, please withdraw quietly from the conversation and pray for him instead.

But if your husband confides in you and request for you active input, then be at his service without overdoing what has been requested of you to do. I have heard a lot of wives complain that their husbands spend so much money on his relatives. Well I always try to put down such talks because rather than fight that trend in your marriage and be labeled a bad wife who wants to scatter brothers, it is safer to pray and let God make your husband more responsive to the needs of his wife and children as the topmost priority of his financial life. But to prevent your husband totally from providing for his now extended family, I will say that is not godly. 1 Timothy 5:8 says a man should provide for his family and this includes his extended family but with priority for his immediate family which is his wife and his children. But for the wife to go against her husband providing for his extended family is totally wrong. Rather than the man to stop providing for his family, he’d rather leave you his wife out of the process. Once this starts, it is the beginning of the man keeping secrets from you his wife and you might not be able to handle what that will grow into.

Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant word are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” What a way for God to describe the use of words. Do you desire to activate the positive side of your spouse and forever keep it activated? Then employ the use of pleasant words always. Put the use of pleasant words to play in your home and you will enjoy peace that words cannot describe. Some might say you are foolish for being so cool, well I’d say that I’ll rather be foolish and have an envious home and a peaceful life than throw away my self-control and engage in harsh words that stirs up anger which destroys. I have made my choice, what will it be in your case? May God bless our homes.    

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage

It’s another beautiful day and another wonderful and gracious opportunity to share the active and alive word of God with the wonderful people of God. I bless God always for finding me worthy a vessel to use in blessing His people. I am positive that just as little drops of water makes a mighty ocean, so is the little things shared on this blog making meaningful impact in the marriages of God’s chosen people and soon we will see a massive turnaround in many marriages for good in Jesus Name and all the glory will go back to God alone.

So again we’ll take a series of learning from the throne of God on the importance of communication in marriage. I trust the Lord to teach us to be able to use our ability to hear and process information to grow our marriage into a master piece of success.

Proverbs 18:13

He who answers before listening –

that is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 17:28

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,

and discerning if he hold his tongue

As lead by the Spirit of God, I want to begin this small message with this two Bible scriptures and trust the Lord to open to us the depth of what is contained in this few lines. To say that communication is vital for any successful marriage is to say the least, because I still do not understand how two people can effectively leave together, love each other and help each other grow into the success that God has destined them to be without being able to communicate effectively with one another? The breakdown of communication is any marriage is the beginning of the breakdown of that marriage itself. So we will be learning from the word of God how we can maintain an effective flow of communication in the home.

For both the man and his wife the Bible says it is better to listen and discern before speaking. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” So how do we use our tongues to bring life rather than death to our marriages? Are we such a people that are unable to put a check on our tongues in order to sustain the life of our marriage or are we such people that are just interested in airing our opinions irrespective of its effects on our marriage?

I will first try to speak to the women, this is because they are the ones assigned by God to build the home and so they need all the help they can get in order to fulfill this assignment effectively for God. It is often assumed that women nag a lot, they are the talkative in the home and they talk till they incur the wrath of their husbands. Well that is not always the case. I have spoken to a number of women who have complained that their husbands are so nagging that it's almost becoming unbearable. A little mistake on their part and the husband goes on and on and on non-stop in scolding them as if he were talking to a brainless little child, and that it’s almost impossible not to respond to those nagging mostly especially if they have apologized and still the husband will not stop nagging.

Sincerely I fell these women, cause I have found myself in that situation one too many times. But we know that our assignment is to God and that assignment is to build rather than destroy and we also know that the product of our tongue has the capacity to either produce life or death, and so we won’t throw caution in the air and also speak carelessly. It is important that as a wife the product of your tongue produces life rather than death in keeping with the assignment that God has given you to fulfill in the life of your husband and your home. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”   

God has given us the power of self-control and do we use that power or not is a very important aspect of our marriage that we should note. When your spouse communicates a thing to you in a not-so-good manner and he/she uses an unacceptable approach and your response is with a gentle answer as Proverbs 15:1 says, won’t you agree with me that great damage has been averted simply by your positive and calm response. And if you carry on like this non-stop day in and day out, you are building an enviable marriage for all to see and desire or even copy. It is just a matter of time before the life of your spouse is touched and changed by your calm and peaceful disposition. Then you will win him/her over to God not by word but by the reverence and purity of your life.

I will close this write up with this few words from the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them.

Proverbs 18:6-7

A fool’s lips brings him strife, and his mouth invites a beating

A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

So I charge all married couples to be watchful of the product of their mouth. For the wives I will say this: if you desire a successful marriage and you are focused on fulfilling your God given assignment in your marriage then you need to ensure that the product of your lips are pure and peaceful. No matter what you are facing in marriage, prayerful deal with what you fill yourself with in order to ensure that what goes out of your mouth are words that builds up and not words that tears apart. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

The Application Of Godly Wisdom in Marriage (4)

It’s been a very revealing and blessed time this past few days as we try to learn from the Bible on the application of God given wisdom in our marriages. I have learnt deep lessons in this series of messages and I trust the Lord that those who have read these past few posts on this blog have learnt deep lessons too.

Just when I thought we have touched well enough on this issue of godly wisdom in marriage and I wait on God for the next thing He’ll lay upon my heart to deliver on this blog, I realized there is still yet one thing to discuss before rounding off on the issue.

From what has been discussed to say, it is easy to wonder how the wife is to express herself when she is not happy in the marriage. There are times when a wife feels used and bored with her marriage, most especially when it seems she is the only one giving in the marriage without getting anything in return. In such a case what should she do? There are many cases in the world today where the wife is the one who goes to work and make the money that the husband spends. She is the one that will still have to come back home to work and ensure the home is properly run and the man who practically does nothing is well taken care off. Now is she to continue to put up with all these in the name of applying Godly wisdom in order to keep her marriage? These questions are the things I want to trust God to answer for us so we can have a clearer picture of what is required of the wife when it comes to marriage.

The first thing I want to state clearly before we go any further is that for anyone to desire a successful marriage, you first need to desire a close relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Jesus any self-effort at the making of a successful marriage will only lead to frustration, and birth trouble in your marriage. Before you marry your husband, you first need to marry Jesus Christ and ensure that you are consistently yielding to the leading voice of the Holy Spirit in your life. Then when this has been ensured, we can then move on in the pursuit of a successful marriage.

When as a wife you are tired of some negative traits that your husband possesses, an example such as a practically lazy husband or a mean and surly husband, know for sure that you cannot make him change either by nagging, fighting or putting extra effort in providing him with money. This will only lead to more frustration on your part and divorce might be inevitable which is not the will of God for you or your marriage.

The only possible thing you can do is to pray and trust the Lord to make the possible changes in the life of your husband that will bring you joy in your marriage. Without allowing God to make the desired changes in the life of your husband, nothing you do will yield positive results. But a lot of people would say that they have really prayed and prayed for a long time and yet they are not seeing any meaningful changes. The question I would ask next is: What are you carrying in your mind as you go to God in prayers? Because if you harbour bitterness or any form of resentment in your mind as you go to pray, then God will first need to deal with you before attending to the case of your husband or attempting to answer your prayers.

Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:21-26 that when you go to offer sacrifices to God and you remember that your brother has something against you, leave the gift and go and be reconciled to your bother before coming to make your sacrifice. So this tells us that not all prayers are acceptable to God. When you want God to change your husband’s character in anyway, then such a prayer must be done in love.

Then you ask again, is it possible to be angry with your spouse and still genuinely pray for him in love without doing so falsely? Now anger is an emotion which you should have control over. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "God has not given us the spirit timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-control." Be angry for a while but be quick to shake off the anger and proceed to the altar of praying with a clear mind of love as you hand over that which you want God to change in the life of your husband to Him, and you can be sure that it is only a matter of time before you begin to see your husband displaying positive traits which are a result of your prayers being answered.

1 Samuel 25:23-25

When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what you servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent.

Going back to the story of Abigail, she is the ideal example of what I am trying to get across in this post. Abigail must have had to put up with her husband’s mean and surly attitude for God knows how many years, yet she willing and without any reservation pleaded her husband’s course before David who had vowed to destroy him and his household. She never challenged her husband or even bothered to ask him why he responded to David’s request in a rude and negative manner. She didn’t have to because she was aware of who her husband was. When she was going over to mediate his course she didn’t even bother to inform (1 Samuel 25:19), but she did what she had to do as his suitable helper.

So in conclusion, I want us the wives to know that we don’t have to forever endure our husband’s bad attitude but seek a change of that attitude to something positively better. We are agents of change in the lives of our husbands place strategically in their lives to constantly stand in the gap for them before God in prayers until we see the positive change we seek to happen.

For several years my husband was a lover of cigarette and this was a habit I opposed to and didn’t like. I complained bitterly about it and on many occasions it led to arguments between us. When I realized I was not winning I resorted to prayers and totally stopped complaining about his smoking habit. As a matter of fact I stopped betraying any emotions about his smoking and I just blanked myself from it and continually prayed about it instead. About two and a half years after I stopped complaining and started praying he gave up the smoking of cigarette.

This is the practical example of what we need to keep doing in the lives of our husband and we can be sure the Lord will make our home a very peaceful haven for us. A place to always enjoy and not endure. May the Lord bless our homes. 

 Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

The Application of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (3)

Genesis 20:1-5, 11-13

Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

Now Abimelech had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands”

Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not my mother; and she became my wife. And when God caused me to wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, He is my brother.” ’ ” 

Its another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word as we continue to learn lessons on the application of godly wisdom in marriage and by the special grace of God with the divine revelation of God’s word, our marriages and homes will shine bright for the world to see.

When the Lord laid it upon my heart to share on the topic of godly wisdom in my marriage, I didn’t know how deep this was going to get, but I am learning just as I write and share with you how important and vital godly wisdom is to a successful marriage. A wife who has been able to attain peace and rest in her marriage is not because she is lucky, it is the result of hard toil of diligence, perseverance, self-control, and above all godly wisdom that she has allowed herself to be trained in as she passes through the molding of God in marriage.

So we continue picking lessons from the lives of wives who have sought and applied that vital ingredient of godly wisdom in their marriage and the result that it has yielded for them. Previously we have considered the story of Esther and that of Abigail so we now consider the story of Sarah.

It is no gain saying that Sarah as a wife carried in her the favour of God. God ensured that His covenant with Abraham came to life through Sarah despite all odds. She was a woman who went through different challenges of marriage; she endured barrenness, she endured ridicule from her own maid servant, in fact she had to endure sharing her husband with her maid. I can’t begin to enumerate the ordeals of Sarah in her marriage but she conquered all of them and still found rest and peace in her marriage. And if I am to conclude on that, again, I will say that the application of godly wisdom was what earned Sarah the peace and rest she later enjoyed in her marriage.

The theme scripture for this post is one rare example of the application of godly wisdom that takes just the grace of God to see through. Abraham asked Sarah to say that she was his sister rather than his wife. Knowing fully well what might be the outcome of such action yet Abraham who was a friend of God still made that big blunder and his wife submitted to such a request. To a wife in this generation that is a requested that would never be granted no matter how submissive the wife is. Yet Sarah fully obeyed, not just once but twice.

Can she then be foolish? The answer is NO. Sarah wasn’t foolish, she was just applying godly wisdom in order to build her home. For sure her marriage would have been history had she refused to obey Abraham’s instruction to tell a truth-lie of her identity. But she obeyed and God came to her rescue. God was mindful of her dilemma, he knew what she was made to pass through, He tested her will to obey her husband thus obeying God and He came through for her.

Sarah did not try to solve the problem herself, she obeyed her husband’s foolish request and thus obeyed God. That may seem like foolishness to a lot of people, but it is godly wisdom put in action and God’s intervention provoked to effect. And did she keep her home and marriage? Yes, she did.

Coming to our own present generation, there are a lot of things a wife might have to do to keep her home that will appear foolish to the person hearing the story and that foolishness is what God needs to infuse and retain love and harmony in that marriage. For example a wife who personally does her husband’s laundry, polish his shoes every morning and ensures he's totally and completely taken care of might be considered foolish by someone else, but what she does for her husband is what God might be using to retain love in that home. The moment she stops, things starts to look not so good in the marriage. Trivial as those things may seem, they could be the oil in the flame of love in that marriage.

A wife who is totally in charge of the upkeep of the children and ensuring that EVERYTHING in the home is running fine, she ensures the children do their home-work and the house is clean and inviting to come to, might appear foolish and overworked. But who knows, that might be the oil burning the flame of love and peace in her home. The lady next door might see her as foolish for not pursuing a career for herself but rather slaving for her family, but that one foolish act is the godly wisdom that is keeping her marriage and healthy till date. So I ask, who in truth is foolish and who is wise?

When the outside world sees your marriage doing well and you and your husband are having a very loving relationship they conclude that you are just lucky but they never know the amount of godly wisdom that is foolishness to the world that you have invested in your marriage to attain the level of rest and peace that you enjoy and they envy. So again I ask, who in truth is foolish and who is wise?

When you begin to seek and apply godly wisdom don’t expect to see a rapid change or overnight miracle, seeds take time to grow. The application of your godly wisdom that is sown in your marriage will initially die, then begin to germinate before the seedlings starts to grow and then it becomes a full plant. But when you are consistent and you don’t stop, you are guaranteed of an harvest that far outweighs what you have sown. But the larger your seed, the more your harvest. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.