Thursday 24 March 2016

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage (2)

Like I always begin my post, it’s a beautiful day and a beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word on this blog and I pray that by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, lives and homes will be changed to the glory of God.
In my last blog post I shared a message on the importance of communication in marriage and I focused on handling the negative aspect of communication. Aided with the truth of God’s word we learned that no matter how hard or harsh a communication is presented, it should be responded to gently. With this, wrath is turned away and peace is cultivated in the home.
So in this blog post I want us to consider a more positive side of communication in marriage. Not the kind of communication that begins with harsh words with the likelihood of being followed by harsh words, but the kind of communication between a man and his wife that bothers on the growth and development of their home, sharing thoughts and things that bother each other or confiding in one other of plans and goals of the family.
One important purpose of marriage is companionship. God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so He formed a woman from the man as his suitable helper to support him and help him grow while he loves and cherishes her as she gives him strength and confidence to go about his daily activities (Genesis 2:18-25). And then we hear God speak through Solomon in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one because if one falls his friend can help him up and if two lie together they will keep warm.
But there cannot be any companionship where there is no communication, so it is important that for the purpose of companionship which is one of the reasons God established marriage, communication in marriage needs to be guarded jealously and diligently. Both spouses are to ensure there is no gap in communication flow between them.
Again I want to speak more specifically to the woman, not that the man has no role to play in all these, but the woman is the heartbeat of any marriage, for as long as the wife is getting it right, that marriage will always survive unless the Lord decides to put a stop to it by calling home one part of the couple. So I want to ask the wives this question: “If your husband confides in you about an issue that is bothering him and giving him sleepless night, what do you do about it? How do you handle the information that has just been handed over to you? The way you threat this information determines if and how frequent you get more information from him and if for any reason you handle the information trust to you carelessly and he decides to stop or pause the amount of delicate information he passes down to you, the crack in your marriage has begun. You can be sure that his holding back of information or keeping secrets from you is not a pleasant experience at all in marriage. Some homes are broken for just this singular reason.
A woman whose husband has just shared a thought with or an experience he had with someone outside their marriage with and she turns around to call the man a fool for acting that way has just dug a pit in her marriage. A woman whose husband just informed her of a gift he gave someone and she goes behind your husband to harass the one who got the gift in the name of supporting her husband has just caused a crack in the bridge of communication between her and her husband. These actions are not wise at all.
Wisdom in marriage is not literally fighting all of your husband’s battles as if he is boneless and you are in his life to take his place, but while he is handling issues in the physical, you as his wife should be handling things in the spiritual and the Bible says a chord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12), if at all it is ever possible for it to break.
When your husband confides in you and he does not ask for your input in the matter, please just listen and use that which he has told you as a point of prayer that the Lord will direct his steps to do the right things and take the right decisions. When you have prayed and you have faith, you can be sure that all will be well.
Also if your husband confides in you and asks for your advice on what he has told you, you need to be objective about your advice, if he was wrong in doing what he did, point it out to him politely. Proverbs 15:2a say, the tongue of the wise commends knowledge. The fact that your husband is asking you for advice is a sign that he trusts your judgment and his opened to the advice that you might give. So present your case politely, remember that Proverbs 15:1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When you notice that he is not taking kindly to what you have to tell him, please withdraw quietly from the conversation and pray for him instead.
But if your husband confides in you and request for you active input, then be at his service without overdoing what has been requested of you to do. I have heard a lot of wives complain that their husbands spend so much money on his relatives. Well I always try to put down such talks because rather than fight that trend in your marriage and be labeled a bad wife who wants to scatter brothers, it is safer to pray and let God make your husband more responsive to the needs of his wife and children as the topmost priority of his financial life. But to prevent your husband totally from providing for his now extended family, I will say that is not godly. 1 Timothy 5:8 says a man should provide for his family and this includes his extended family but with priority for his immediate family which is his wife and his children. But for the wife to go against her husband providing for his extended family is totally wrong. Rather than the man to stop providing for his family, he’d rather leave you his wife out of the process. Once this starts, it is the beginning of the man keeping secrets from you his wife and you might not be able to handle what that will grow into.
Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant word are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” What a way for God to describe the use of words. Do you desire to activate the positive side of your spouse and forever keep it activated? Then employ the use of pleasant words always. Put the use of pleasant words to play in your home and you will enjoy peace that words cannot describe. Some might say you are foolish for being so cool, well I’d say that I’ll rather be foolish and have an envious home and a peaceful life than throw away my self-control and engage in harsh words that stirs up anger which destroys. I have made my choice, what will it be in your case? May God bless our homes.    


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1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much at @Derin. This is quite incitive. I pray this gets to homes that are in crisis right now as a result of communication breakdown. I belong to a school of thought where a woman is the home maker, the heartbeat in any family/home and the neck which pivots the head and the body in whatever direction she chooses or pleases. A smart woman will harness this potential. One of the ways is OPEN COMMUNICATION!

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