Monday 1 September 2014

The Leaving & Uniting In Marriage

I thank God for another beautiful opportunity to share the word of God to inspire and give hope to someone somewhere needing hope today. I bless God for the month gone by and the grace to see another beautiful month. And I pray that the word that will be shared on this blog today will make a positive impact in the lives of many to the glory of God.
I will be sharing someone's experience in my post today and I pray many will learn a thing or two from it.
A couple who have been married for over 10years need to help a family member needing somewhere to stay for sometime. Because the one in need is a family member, this couple felt obliged to welcome him and his wife into their home. Along the line what was suppose to be a brief stay was gradually turning into weeks and eventually into months.
With time the visiting couples were constituting a nuisance in the home of their host couple. They offer not much assistance in the home, and take too much advantage of the hospitality shown to them not caring in any way how the house is kept clean and other house chores. In fact they wait for their laundry to be done for them.  They became too comfortable and where beginning to feel like co-owners of the home. There was no word from them to their host on any progress made on their mission to the city and no feedback to their host on how much longer they needed to stay in order to complete what they came into town to accomplish. With time the host couple began to feel uncomfortable in their own home and so resolved to spend as much time in the confines of their bedroom to avoid contact with their over-stayed visitors and thus avoid any confrontation that might result from the frustration they feel at the unplanned intrusion in their home. What started as a kind gesture was growing to be a thing of regret, yet they don't know for how much longer they have to cope with the situation in their hands.
This story I believe is happening to not just the person I know, but too many couples who are at a loss as to how to deal with external interference in their homes. This external interference in marriages is not just restricted to relatives coming to stay over, but friends and family trying to interfere and dominate the marriage. They want to give advise and insisting that their so called advise be followed and adhered to. This also comes up with parents and parents in-laws, and so we will trust the Lord to help understand how to deal with situations like this.

Genesis 2:24(NKJV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 19:4-5
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?

There are two important things that must take place in every successful marriage, and they are: 1) the leaving and 2) the joining or uniting. For every couple who has learnt the secret of leaving and joining for their marriage, they are working along the path of God's design for marriage at the beginning.
From the beginning when God designed marriage, he designed that all family relations be left behind on the journey of matrimony and the husband firmly unites with his wife. If for any reason a man unites with his wife without first leaving his father and mother and his household behind it will not be long before strife crops up its ugly head in such a home. And same applies to the woman.
I have come to realize that the calling of man to the journey of matrimony is very similar to the call of God in the life of Abraham. And just in the same way we see God call Abraham in Genesis 12, to leave his father's household, take his wife Sarah and begin a journey to a place where only God knows. This journey was supposed to be a journey of separation, but for some unknown reason Abraham embarked on that journey with Lot his nephew. This journey was supposed to be a journey of blessing as the Lord had pronounced blessings on Abraham along with the call.
But not long into that journey in Genesis 13, there began a quarrel between Abraham's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen. The land was not able to support Abraham and Lot together (Genesis 13:5-7). And that is exactly what happens when you carry with you the relations and father and mother that the Lord has asked you to leave behind into your marriage. The home that is meant for you and your wife on the journey of matrimony filled with blessings and the favour of God (Proverbs 18:22) becomes insufficient for you, your wife and your relations. With time strife and quarrel will start. If this is not recognized early and checked quickly, it destroys the home and marriage.
Either the wife is caught between her family and her husband, or the husband is caught between his wife and his family. If you as the wife is not wise enough to let go of your family in order to hold onto and unite with your spouse, you miss out on God's design and purpose for your marriage. There is never a portion in the Bible where God permitted external interference in the marriage union, there is a leaving and then a uniting/joining to happen for a successful marriage. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6b that "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
As a man, no matter how right your mother or father maybe, once their interference in your marriage is causing a strife in your home, then it is time to leave them behind and face the business of your marriage squarely, letting God direct your steps as to how to make a success of your marriage. Also as a wife, once your relation/s that have come to seek temporary accommodation under your roof are beginning to turn you and your spouse into prisoners in your own home, then its time to politely and with good respect show them the door. You can assist in providing alternative accommodation that will not infringe on the peace and comfort of your home as long as you can afford it, but you should not compromise the peace and comfort of your marriage for any external influence in the name of family, relations or friends. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.
Before I close on this, I want to state that you owe your family respect, and this should be duly paid for in full. In the bid to shield your marriage and home from their interference, do not be rude to them or show disrespect. But politely make it clear to all that your marriage and home is not a public affair. The Lord will bless you as you make every effort to make your marriage a success.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Why Do We Worship God

Many people feel like they should only praise God when they have received a blessing from God. Honestly, I was in that category too, so I am...