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Saturday, 6 May 2017

He is the Head, Let Him Take the Lead

Genesis 3:1-6
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat the fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden and you must not touch it or you will die.’ ”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God knowing good and evil.”
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

There is this young lady was has been married for close to six years and who is quite close to me. She often comes to me for counsel. Until very recently she was a very miserable married woman. She carried the burden of her family all alone and financially handles all the needs of her home with little or no help from her husband. Any demand for money from her husband always met with a fight and the truth is that the husband is working and making money, so why he would not even bother about the upkeep of his family was something this young woman could not come to terms with.
They were always fighting and she confided in me a couple of times about her marital woes and I asked her to pray. Later on she told me that she had prayed and she was tired of praying because nothing changed. She was doing well in her trade but could not even see the money she was working for because she was spending more than she should. So I asked her to go on an experiment and come back to give me a feedback. And the experiment was submission.
Beginning from the time of our discussion I told her to always do exactly what her husband tells her to do. She should follow his instructions to the tiniest of detail and then pray. If her husband tells her to sit, she should sit; and if he tells her to stand that should be the exact thing she should do, stand. She told me that would be difficult because she was already resenting her husband in her heart. She was only staying married to him because she wanted to avoid the stigma of a broken marriage. We argued over this challenge for a couple of days and I eventually told her that if she can’t follow through with this task, then how can she obey the instructions of God? And if she is not obeying God how can God answer her prayers? Eventually I won the argument and she grudgingly agreed to do just as I have told her, just as a condition to satisfy me because of the respect she had for me and nothing else. Bottom-line we had a deal.
About 10days after we that our agreement, I visited her shop and noticed some minor renovations, so I asked how she managed to raise money to renovate the shop when she had been complaining that she had no money. Then she smiled and told me, “Aunty your trick worked.” I wondered what trick she was talking about and she said it was her husband who paid for the renovation of the shop. I paid more attention to her and she continued by telling me she had been doing what I told her to do and now her husband shows more concern for her and the children. And that he checked her up in her shop and complained about the state of the shop and she calmly told him that she had wanted to put some things in place in the shop but because she was not financially buoyant she could not see it through. So the husband decided to fix the shop for her the way she wanted it at his own expense. She opened up to me that if not that I had cautioned her, she would have responded rudely to her husband when he complained about the state of her shop.
We are about two months into our agreement now and each time she sees me, she thanks me saying she is enjoying a new peace in her home and her husband is taking up his responsibilities. He is now paying the children’s school fees and just leaves the minor expenses for her to handle while he attends to the big ones. She is pretty excited about her new discoveries in marriage and the new trick works as she playfully puts it.
Now going back to our theme passage, I want us to learn some valuable lessons from it; if only wife Eve had allowed husband Adam to actually take the lead in their home, I believe that the situation would have been a lot different. The error we make as women is that we always think we have it figured out most especially when we don’t understand and agree with the approach of our husbands.
Now Genesis 3 started with the description of the serpent, and it says, “The serpent was the most crafty of all the wild animals that the Lord God had created.” It was because the serpent was crafty that it decided the approach the all knowing wife rather than the husband.
The serpent understood that his chances at failure was higher if it approached Adam directly and so it went through the all knowing wife (who ordinarily would assume she was wise). Eve as a suitable helper to her husband would have allowed Adam take the lead by directing the serpent to her husband understanding that though she is aware of God’s instruction but it would have been better the serpent hears it from her husband whom the Lord gave His instructions to directly. I bet you if she had done that, the serpent would not have the courage to approach Adam.
Quite a number of times the wives have been the ignorant avenue with which the enemy infiltrates marriage simply because she thinks she is just as in charge of the situation as her husband and so she can just take up the challenge as much as her husband can. And what resulted in the case of Adam and Eve is most likely sure to be the end result of such a situation.
As a wife you need to always let your husband be the head and place him in his leadership position. Understand that you are a helper and not the head. No matter how timid your husband may appear he is still the head and you should let him remain the head. When there are issues that need to be tackled, submit them on the in-tray of your husband’s table and don’t speak or do anything until your husband had spoken and taken the lead, then you follow in the direction of his lead. When you think he might be wrong rather than overrule his leadership, pray for him that God will take the wheel from him and sail the boat Himself. And that your husband will not acted based on his own will or understanding but he will act based on the instructions and will of God. When you have prayed relax knowing that whatever direction your husband takes is the will of God and you follow in the same direction. When you adopt this approach so many conflicts will be avoided; external interference will be settled or done away with, without any involvement from you.
The young lady that I shared her story earlier, learned to let her husband take the lead position in her marriage and she is not complaining anymore. Nobody would have blamed Eve for bringing sin into the world if only she had allowed her husband take the lead in the situation she found herself in; even if sin would come into the world, it would not be through Eve.
As a wife, thing deep about this; you will save yourself a whole lot of trouble if you let you husband take the lead in the family. Joy and peace of mind will be yours if you don’t have to add the responsibilities of your husband with yours. Understand your job role as a wife and just operate within your own scope of engagement.
May the Lord bless our homes. 

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