That is not Submission

Hello people how are you doing, I trust you are doing great. I am doing fine too.

So we continue in our discussion on when submission goes wrong and today we will look at those who feel enslaved by submission; those who feel that they are not getting the yields of submission and rather than their husbands loving and respecting them in return for their sacrifice of submission, they feel enslaved in their own home by the one who is to make them feel loved and wanted.

The first thing I want us to understand is that there is a difference between submission and respect. Submission is when you yield yourself to the authority of your husband, it is obedience to your husband’s authority. It is sitting when your husband says sit and it is standing when your husband says stand.

But on the other hand respect means to hold your husband in high esteem, it is giving your husband good regard. So you can actually respect your husband without truly submitting to him. You can wash your husband’s cloths, cook his food, make his bed, and collect his briefcase from him when he returns from work, yet you are not submitting to him. If your husband tells you to go left and you go right and still do all that you do for him in respect, you are not submitting to your husband, therefore you are not fulfilling God’s instruction for your life as a wife.

From these analysis we now understand that you can respect your husband without submitting to him but in most cases, you cannot submit to your husband without respecting him. The mere fact that you submit to your husband is a sign of respect for him as the God ordained head over your life.

Now it is important to note that submission without prayers is so very wrong. It is when a woman who does not have a relationship with God submits to her husband of her own ability outside of God that the husband tends to treat her badly. When you submit to your husband, do so prayerfully, then your submission will carry with it the power that brings about good returns. Submission without God is like one who has the substance but lack the power. It is the power that makes the substance effective. 

It is important to understand that you cannot apply God’s word in your life without a relationship with God and hold God responsible when the returns are not coming like they should. The Bible tells us that flesh and blood cannot please God, you need a relationship with God in order to have God fight your course for you when you are obeying His word for your life. 

When I speak with people about marriage and I share my marital experience, a lot of people say that my faith is on another level and not everyone has the grace that I have. But in truth I don’t have any special grace other than the fact that I have cultivated and developed a deep relationship with Jesus and I am sure that as long as I remain in His word and in His will, He will fight my course for me, so I will remain in His will and do as His word tells me to do and expect nothing than a positive result for my obedience because more than me or my ability God remains faithful. So my marriage is working and I am submitting to my husband like I should not by my might or ability but by the spirit of God that dwells in me and when God is leading my actions the only result to expect is a positive one. 
God created my husband, He formed my husband in his mother's womb, God understands my husband in and out, He knows what to do to please my husband and what to do to anger him. He knows what I can say and do that will either make my husband happy, joyful, angry or irritated. So I have developed a relationship with God and He who knows my husband well is the one leading me then I can be confident that He (God) will lead me to do only things that will make my husband happy, joyful and pleased with me such that he (my husband) will love me more. And He (God) will also lead me to avoid those things that will trigger anger and irritation in my husband. Now tell me that with God's leading is it possible to have a bad marriage? This is not just achievable by me, but by every woman who has allowed God lead her life and her actions. 

If you will enjoy marriage and in fact enjoy every area of your life, a deep loving relationship with God is very vital and key. As for me Jesus is my life, and He is my everything; it is in Him that I live and move and have my being. God has the success of our marriages at heart and the success of our total well-being is so very important to God and if this be the case, you should understand that when God says a woman should submit to her husband in everything it is the ultimate success of your marriage that God has in focus; that is His goal of your marriage and when submission seems tough or you are not getting the desired result from your effort, then it's important to surrender that effort to God and let Him (God) lead you through it to success. Submission without God is a huge task. And we need to be able to know and understand the difference between submission and respect. Maybe that is where we are getting it all wrong.  

When you have a relationship with God, it is almost impossible to live a life of regret in any area of your life least of all submission to your husband as His word instructs. If you don’t have Jesus in your life, it’s important you accept Him now and experience a total turn around in your life and start to enjoy a good life and a good marriage life.

So adding what we learned in the last post with today’s post we understand submission to your husband does not amount to consenting to any wrong doing proposed to you by your husband. While you maintain your uprightness with God, you do so with high regard for your husband. Do not be confrontational with your husband, do not be argumentative with him about issues that contradict your stand in God. When submission is leading you away from God you need to pray and seek God’s intervention in the matter, the Lord who sees the heart will not make you fall, fail or falter. You also need to understand that there is a difference between submission and respect. What God asked of the wife to her husband is submission and not respect. Submission is obedience; check what you are giving in your marriage, is it mere respect or submission which is obedience. Because it is submission (obedience) the Lord asked you to give, it is submission the Lord will reward.

Before I sign out, I want to share a true life story just to encourage someone. A very submission and loving wife had a small misunderstanding with her husband which was beginning to grow into an argument. While the wife was trying to politely explain her reason for taking an action to her husband and was trying to correct his assumption on which he had made some wrong conclusions thereby accusing her wrongly, the husband threatened to slap her if she didn’t keep quiet.

The wife was very bruised emotionally and didn’t say a word, she just couldn't understand why her husband would threaten to beat her without even giving her a chance to an explanation, but still she put her emotions under check. She kept quiet and didn’t say a word to the husband again. But that didn’t stop her from getting her husband’s food ready for him and at least make sure she ran the errands she was meant to run for him. After all done, she got into bed covered herself up with her duvet and cried in her heart to her God. While praying she slept off.

By the next morning she woke up and went about her business doing her house chores. When her husband woke, he tried to make peace without apologizing and the wife just avoided him like a plague to drive home her anger yet without any confrontation and no spoken words. But when the husband’s conscience could not hold it any longer he called her and apologized to her for his wrong doing and begging for her forgiveness and then she forgave him that ended the issue.

This to me is a better approach to problem solving between a husband and a wife. Sometimes being quiet and not responding carries more weight than the word you speak and this woman does not special grace or greater anointing to keep quiet in the face of trouble in her marriage, it's just self discipline and allowing the Lord lead her actions. I am sharing this story so we understand that these things are not so tough if only one of the two involved can just put their emotions in check and embrace God. Nothing works as effective as the intervention of God.