A Valuable Secret About Trust in Marriage That You Should Know.

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Whenever my 21-year-old daughter and I get to talk about marriage, one thing she never fails to say is that I can’t tolerate a cheating husband. I suppose many people share that same point of view. Infidelity in marriage is a big deal-breaker for almost anyone, including me.

It is so interesting to note that adultery is the only permissible reason for a divorce. We have seen this stated directly by Jesus in Matthew 19:9. But then, God hates divorce. We also see this in Malachi 2:16. Looking at this issue critically, if adultery (which is having an extra-marital affair, also categorised as cheating) is a sin. Then divorce, which Jesus says is permitted in the case of adultery, is also a sin; it would then appear that there is some mix-up in these two pronouncements.

But God is not confused, and so we should not be confused either. Divorce is a sin, and so is adultery. For those who say adultery in marriage is a deal-breaker for them and they will never tolerate that, they have a valid point. Even our God is a jealous God. I don’t pray that any couple would have to face the trauma of infidelity in their marriages.

So, how do we deal with the issue of infidelity in marriage? You can’t continue to trail your spouse to ensure they are faithful. That will be too much of a waste of time, and that in itself is a deal-breaker for some people when they are being watched and ripped off of every sense of freedom in the marriage.   

And when you say you trust your spouse, what is the basis of that trust? Is it because of the character they have exposed to you, or because you think you know them so well? This particular approach, in many cases, has ended in broken trust—character changes. Change is the most constant characteristic of a man (and by man, I mean male and female).

Jeremiah 17:5 says, “cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.” However, you may wonder if this applies to marriages as well. What I will say is that if there are trust issues in marriage, then I think it applies. If the God who said it did not exclude any circumstance, then it applies to all possible case scenarios.

The next thing that will readily come to mind is how you can run your marriage successfully without trusting your spouse. And that is the highlight of this blog post. Trust is crucial in marriage, and you don’t have to distrust your spouse because the Bible says, “Cursed is the man who trusts man.”

However, to guard your heart from every possible disappointment or brokenheartedness, there is a way by which you can handle trust in your marriage that will guarantee you peace of mind.  Jeremiah 17:7 says, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord.” When you trust every aspect of your marriage to the Lord, including the issue of trust, then you are covered.

Trusting God with the issue of trust in your marriage goes like this: while not distrusting your spouse, you are committing him or her to God to watch over and keep, so that they will not do anything that will give you a reason not to trust them or do anything that will betray your trust. So, you are trusting your spouse through the trust you have in God, Whom you have committed them to. 

Your spouse is a human with the full capacity to be tempted and to sin. They may not want to betray your trust, but even the strongest man can fall. Whether done intentionally or not, there is a probability that they will disappoint you. With man, there are no guarantees, but not so with God. Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:12, and it is very accurate, that God is able to keep what we have committed to Him. If you have committed your spouse to God, then be persuaded and assured, like Paul is, that God is able to keep until the end what and who you have committed to him.

I remember my story before I discovered this truth in my early days of marriage. Because I always felt I wasn't getting enough attention from my husband, I would sneak up on him and check his phone messages. And you can be sure that I will find something to upset me and brew a fight. It didn’t help, nor did it make us closer. It only widened the gap between us, and the wedge of distrust grew even wider.

I stopped looking to him for a change. He works in the corporate world, and he would interact with females whether I like it or not. I can’t stop him from having female friends, but I can work on how I handle the knowledge of those friendships.

I started experiencing peace in my life and marriage when I began to do what I'm sharing in this blog post. I no longer check his phone. I probably stopped that more than a decade ago. Because I don’t go through his phone, I don’t see what will cause an unnecessary fight in my marriage. I won the devil on that point. And believe me, the attention that I craved for then, I have more than enough of it now.  

My husband lives and works in another country, far from home. I can’t stop him from going to work. I don’t have a job yet (still praying for one). We have children and bills to pay, and I don’t fully know those he interacts with, except the ones we talk about. I can’t check phones or micromanage his activities. If I have not grown out of my insecurities and learn to trust my husband through God, I will probably have developed high blood pressure in the past two years of us living apart with only brief visits.

I pray that this blog message has blessed you, and I trust you and your marriage into the hands of God to guard it diligently, as only He can do, in Jesus’ name. 

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