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Friday, 12 January 2018

The Travails of a Betrayed Spouse

It’s another beautiful opportunity to have something to share with you on this blog. Sometimes when I feel tired and the nudge to give up the blog, I get a push from one or two comments I see of people wanting to read more and learn more from this blog. I pray that the Lord will always have something to share through me to you in Jesus name.
I was with some wives a couple of days ago and we were about fives wives seated together and in no time we found ourselves discussing marriage. We shared views and learned from each other things we could do to improve the status of our marriages. Among the five of us seated there, none was less than ten years in marriage so you can guess that we all had our fear share of experience in marriage with stories to tell about our marriages.
But one of us had a bitter taste in her mouth about marriage, she has resolved in her heart that all husbands are cheats and cannot be trusted. And in her opinion, there is nothing a wife can do about it. No matter how a wife tries to improve herself in her marriage, her husband would still cheat on her if he wills. I am so very sure that a lot of women share in this school of thought, but it’s all so faulty. I do agree that a handful of men have grossly betrayed the trust their wives bestowed on them but I am also convinced that a handful of faithful husbands still exist.
Its understandable that a woman whose trust has been betrayed would come to a conclusion such as this, but the same goes for the man whose trust has been betrayed by his wife. He would easily come to the conclusion that women can never be trusted and all women are cheats. So there is the need to look at this matter and try to get a better understanding in dealing with the issue of trust in marriage.
I have written about trust in marriage several times on this blog, but it’s just important that I keep writing about it until we have a very clear and matured understanding of this issue.
The man or woman you are married to is human, and that means such a person is liable to fall and fail at any time. Even the man or woman with very high moral upstanding is susceptible to fall if he is not keeping rein on himself/herself and being very watchful and on his/her guard against any and every form of temptation and deception. Most extra-marital affairs begin with simple friendship of when a man and a woman who are not married to each other begins to enjoy each other’s company more than that of their spouses; and then they begin to share problems together and then help each other solve problems, then there are chances this bond outgrows it bound. Its always start as a harmless simple friendship and neither would know when the so-called simple friendship spirals into an uncontrollable attraction unless they make conscious effort to set a limit. 
The man in this friendship would tell you he is still very much in love with his wife but he is not sure what took over him and the same goes for the woman who finds herself in this situation. They will tell you with all honesty that they love their spouses so very much and would not want to hurt the feelings of their spouses but are still not ready to let go off the friendship that has posed a problem to their marriage.
As a wife married to a man who has found himself in this position, it’s not that you have done anything wrong or that you are not good enough. It was never your fault your husband walked his way into the devil’s trap, and truth be told, it’s also not that your husband doesn’t love you or does not want to love you. But when you find yourself in this position it is also not the end of the world nor the end of your marriage. It’s just time to let God do for you and in your marriage what you cannot do for yourself. This is the time to pray and commit the situation into God’s hands.
I agree that it hurts so bad when the one you have trusted with your life betrays that trust whether intentionally or not, but it’s also in order that you forgive and work towards the healing of your marriage than to keep reminiscing on the wrong done against you. The fact that you have been betrayed does not mean that everyone is evil. We all have wounds and we nurse it with the hope that it heals, and the emotional wound inflicted on you by the betrayal of a spouse should also be allowed to heal without leaving a scare on your life or marriage. 
In as much as I encourage trust in marriage which is a key component of a successful marriage, but I will say that there is a very healthy way to trust. When you learn to trust the healthy way you will seldom get disappointed to the point of being betrayed. This kind of healthy trust works well for every kind of relationship you find yourself in and marriages inclusive.
Jeremiah 17:5-10 talks about this healthy trust. When you trust healthy, you trust God rather than man, and even when a human is involved like it should be in every relationship, you trust that human through God. When you learn to trust this way you won’t be disappointed or feel betrayed. If every one else fails, God never fails. He will not disappoint your trust in Him, neither will He allow your trust in Him be betrayed. 
In case you are wondering how it is possible to trust a man through God or trust a woman through God, this is the way it happens: first you must believe in God, then you must have a trusting relationship with God. If you are one who believes in God and you believe that God hears and answers prayers and if everyone else fails God never fails, then you are on the right track of healthy trust.
The next thing to do is to pray. When you want to trust your spouse or anyone else you need to trust, you will commit that your spouse or who ever you need to trust into God’s hands and ask the Lord to lead his/her life such that they will only do those things that will make you trust them. If you believe God answers your prayers, then you should believe that God will answer this prayer too and there is no point acting in doubt or continue to be suspicious. Just believe that God’s eyes will be on your spouse and by the grace of God he/she will not make a mistake. Not because by themselves they cannot make mistakes, but because committing them into the hands of God, God will not let them make mistakes. You know the heart of Kings are in the hands of God and like a water course, He directs them as He pleases (Proverbs 21:1). When you do this you can be at peace in your marriage and rest assured that trust in your marriage will not be compromised because it’s a trust built on God’s faithfulness.
This has worked for my marriage and I am so very convinced it will work for yours too. Even when your spouse has betrayed your trust countless times this kind of healthy trust still works wonders and your marriage can be at peace because what you cannot do by yourself, God can, and will do for you.

1 comment:

  1. All what you have said it is true,although I am a single but I learns a lot from this your blogs concerning marital issues, these also prepare me to the next step of life.I realizes that marriage is all about understand and in durance from fellow partner or spouse.God will continue to bless you and also grand you the Grace to continues inspire you with his good knowledge.