When You Don't Feel Appreciated

I have been thinking about how to handle sharing blog messages in the next couple of days and praying to God for what to share, and as I began to trust God for what to write that will make an impact, I realized that I have a bank of blog posts that I had written since 2020 but not published. Is God not too good? So, today's blog is one of those messages that were archived. I hope and pray that you pick a lesson from it in Jesus' name. 

One common issue with couples is finance. Looking at this from the perspective of a woman and wife, I will play a scenario for us to consider. The wife feels she spends so much on household matters, you know, those $5s, $10s, and $50s, that appear not so much, yet their accumulation turns out to be so much. On the other hand, the husband carries those big bills all the time and then does a rethink and says he is the only one spending all the money in the family, and the wife isn't helping, and sometimes vice versa.

I understand this scenario too well because I sometimes experience it in my home. Our spouses often wonder what we spend money on, forgetting that the small needs of the home never end. Those petty needs you think you should not bother your spouse with. So, in short, we both spend so much; it's just that one person probably does not appreciate the effort of the other. This also leaves out the non-monetary commitment to caring for the home that does not have a tangible value. 

This scenario plays out in many marriages, and even though the problem is apparent, the solution must be addressed. I trust the Lord to open our hearts to the perfect solution to this problem.

This problem is usually born from the place or position of lack; in the face of abundance, this will not be so much of a problem. When one party begins to get overwhelmed with the financial burden of the home, then he/she gets so consumed by how they feel that they are totally unaware of the efforts and contributions of their partner. And even though the partner does so much, it doesn't seem to be appreciated because all they see is what they feel and nothing more.

However, the one whose efforts go unnoticed tends to feel hurt and wants to withdraw due to a lack of acknowledgment and appreciation, which does not resolve the problem but creates more. It's either the one who is not appreciated, fights for acknowledgment, or withdraws, leading to a breakdown in communication. Whichever way, it leads to a bigger problem, becoming a rollercoaster of issues. Whether you are the wife whose effort is unnoticed or the husband whose effort is unnoticed, you must understand that the problem is not yours. What you should realize is that your partner needs help. You should know that he/she is overwhelmed, so rather than getting angry, it's essential that you ignore the hurt and pray that the Lord will grant your spouse the peace of mind he/she needs to focus. 

I have always found Genesis 25:21 a helpful scripture when interceding for my husband. The Bible tells us that the wife of Isaac - Rebekah, was barren, and Isaac pleaded with the Lord. God granted his plea, and his wife became pregnant, not with a child but two babies. When you lift up your spouse in prayer, God listens, hears, and grants your plea. The big trick here is that the abundance that comes from your prayer brings peace into your home and life. The appreciation and acknowledgment you seek follow. 

This is where understanding in marriage is of great importance. This is not the time to stop contributing your quota because you think the effort is not recognized, but to steadily increase the tempo of your effort. Whether you are the wife or husband, never sit on the seat of a dependent. Always ensure that you are contributing something to the well-being of the home. If you can't make financial contributions, you can always give efforts to other activities of the home. You need to work at earning the respect of your spouse, and that is done by what you are able to bring to the table in the marriage. The Bible says, "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for the labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9), even when it appears the labor is not appreciated. The reward comes from God and not man. He holds the scorecard, and the reward is good when the two are laboring together. But the Bible says, "Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

To labor alone can be overwhelming and understandably so, but not to appreciate and acknowledge the help of a partner can also be discouraging and demoralizing yet both need to labor on because the pressure is only for a while, the reward is sure and sweet if both don't give up.  

I suppose you have gained some value from what you have read above. There is much more value stored in the books I wrote, and you can find out about my books by clicking here. The beautiful additive is that the books are available in Audio format, eBook, and Hardcopies. You get to read the entire first chapter for free. To make a purchase, you first need to create an account by signing up for one and have all your purchased books stored in your account with lifetime access if you are buying the eBook or Audiobook format.