The Hidden Weight Wives Carry—and What Husbands Need to Know

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In my last post, I wrote about being a superwoman. You know the Proverbs 31 woman, who seems like an unattainable ideal for women. In today's blog post, I want to address the issue of husbands taking on household chores. This particular issue can be a deal-breaker for some women. And more than before, wives are beginning to demand their husbands' heavy involvement in the day-to-day running of the home. Well, why won't they? If it's okay for the wives to work and invest their income in the home, the husband can also invest their strength and time in the house chores.

However, this seemingly inconsequential issue has become part of the irreconcilable differences that often lead to the breakdown of marriages today. Men typically believe that house chores are the responsibility of women and should not be expected of husbands. At the same time, the women are feeling crushed by the weight of combining home management with career pursuits and parenting. And this is also to recognise that the bulk of the parenting responsibilities are laid on the laps of the mothers.

Home management is a crucial aspect of marital life that couples cannot overlook. If it can break a marriage, then it is worth discussing and revisiting the Bible for a proper perspective on who is the primary owner of home management. Let's see what Proverbs 14:1 says. It says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." From what Solomon says here, the function of building a house is the assignment of a wise woman.

With that established, do house chores fall within the scope of building a house, as mentioned in Proverbs 14:1? I will say that anything that keeps your home running smoothly falls within the house-building definition that God, through Solomon, has ascribed as the function of a wise woman. If you then add this to Proverbs 31:10-31, we cannot deny that house chores are more likely to be assigned to the woman as a responsibility than to the man.

Considering that we have established that house chores are typically assigned to the wife, there appears to be an imbalance in the duties of the husband and wife in the family. The woman gets to manage the home, take care of the children, build a career and financial base, and then manage herself. What, then, is the husband's assignment other than to make money and provide for the home, which the wife also supports?

But this is where it gets interesting. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." Paul says husbands should love their wives as they love themselves. They are to nourish and cherish them. Therefore, anything and everything that causes the wife to become tired, burn out quickly, and become overworked is the responsibility of the husband. He is responsible for her optimal performance without any fatigue. He is to ensure that she is not doing too much at any given time that will cause her to overexert herself and break down.

The husband's approach to handling this responsibility can vary depending on what works best for the individual marital setup. There is no one-size-fits-all. While some husbands directly take on household chores at home, others may find external help that they pay for to alleviate the load for their wives. Some husbands take full responsibility for the financial needs of the home, thereby affording their wives the ability to focus entirely on home management. Some provide tools and gadgets in the house that make things easy for their wives. But I will not forget to say that some do nothing about it. But those people will not be the focus of today's blog.

For a wife to demand that her husband directly take on household chores in the home simply because that is what obtains in her friend's house, and by doing so, create a home environment that is not conducive or peaceful to live in, is not a wise approach to her problem. There is a need to apply wisdom in issues like this. Proverbs 24:3-4 tells us that it is with wisdom that a house is built, and by understanding that it is established. And we also know that it is the woman who builds a home. The application of wisdom is a non-negotiable virtue that a woman seeking a successful marriage must daily pray for and use.

I watched a YouTube video of a marriage question-and-answer session. A church organized the program. Some of the questions that came from the wives were, why their husbands would not help with household chores. This question put some of the husbands on the defensive.

I have been married for 21 years, and I have been a stay-at-home mum for 90% of my marital life. The last person I want helping me with household chores is my husband. That is not his specialty, and I am entirely comfortable with that. In fact, if he offers to help, I will always decline before he finishes his sentence.

This is my reason: his help slows down my work. For 80% of our work time, I am just obeying instructions rather than getting things done. So, he is working while I am not resting. It does not add up for me. What works for me is to plan my work in a manner that suits me best. We both know our strengths, and everything has been good. My husband spoils me silly, and that is good enough for me. I am a meticulous person, so there are specific ways I want things done, and only I can satisfy me in handling my chores.

However, when I get to a home where the man helps with household chores, I never feel like I'm missing something, nor do I encourage a husband to demand the style of my home and marriage from his wife at times when they share their concerns with me. It's a situation of different strokes for different folks. Their marriage situation is peculiar to them.

In conclusion, a good husband should not sit pretty watching his wife bend over with the weight of having too much to handle in the name of it-is-her-responsibility. Ultimately, she is your responsibility because if she breaks, God will demand an account from you over your leadership of her life, and the charge to love her as yourself and as Christ loves the church.

And as a wife, do not quarrel with your husband because he is not helping with the household chores. There is a place we run to when the burden feels too heavy. It is not to our husbands; it is to God. At God's feet, there is an abundance of help and immeasurable wisdom. The wisdom you need to build your home is abundantly in God's hands.