The Application of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (2)

1 Samuel 25:14-19, 23-25

One of the servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail: “David sent messengers from the desert to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men where very good to us. They did not ill-treat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us all the time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no-one can talk to him.”

Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grains, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.   

When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what you servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent.

I am thanking God for yet another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of His word. As long as there are ears to hear, eyes to read and hearts to yield to the truth of God’s word, there will always be His word to share. And when we truly obey the truth of His word we shall eat of the good of the land to the praise of His Holy Name.

So we'll continue to share on the application of wisdom in our marital situation and trust the Lord that our homes will shine for the world to see and the glory will be for Jesus alone. It appears that this phrase wisdom in marriage and its application touches more of the women than the men, I suppose its because the woman holds the responsibility to build the home and not the man. Also when God was giving His instructions on marriage, He addressed the wife first (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7), so that should make us understand that the woman is the bedrock of any marriage. The life and death of a marriage lies in the bosom of the wife. So in order to have a very beautiful marriage that even the husband will be proud of, the wife needs to make use of wisdom.

The importance of wisdom in marriage cannot be over emphasized. Almost all the problems and challenges of marriage will evaporate when they come in contact with godly wisdom. Violence will be a total stranger in a marriage where godly wisdom is constantly engaged and applied. So when you want to make your marriage a success, seek and apply godly wisdom and you will stand to testify of it's efficacy.

In today’s blog message we will see how wisdom was applied in the marriage of Abigail and learn a thing or two from her and her use of wisdom that we might apply in our marriage as we seek to have a home that shines for others to see.

The introduction of the story of Abigail and Nabal in 1 Samuel 25:2-3 tells us the characteristics of the couple and the Bible didn’t hide the fact that Nabal was mean and surly. God in heaven knew that Nabal, Abigail’s husband was surly and mean. Abigail knew and understood that her husband was a wicked man, he was surly and mean. But then she didn’t divorce him because he was surly and mean, rather she built her home on the pillars of wisdom. Until God took the life of Nabal, Abigail remained his wife and she was intelligent and beautiful yet married to a mean and surly husband.

The evidence we have of how Abigail managed her home and husband is how she handled the situation between her husband and king David. The Bible tells us that immediately report of what her husband had done came to her, she was swift into action getting as much supplies of food and drinks as she could possibly get and sent them ahead of her to plead the case of her husband. She went as far as accepting responsibility for her husband’s wrong just so that his life and that of his household might be spared. So we understand better why Abigail’s marriage was intact even in the event that her husband was mean and surly.

There are a lot of mean husbands who would be drawn to God simply by the attitude of their wives when they see the godly traits in her, and they see that despite all that they do wrong all they get in return is love, reverence, submission and respect. With these attitude traits they will want to know what makes that woman thick despite what they are making her go through and when they dig deep all they find is Jesus and the fear and love for God. This will no doubt make them want to seek God too.

Those in troubled marriages might wonder for how long they have to endure the hardship for the change to happen and for peace to finally be their lot in the marriage; well I would say that it will last as long as you allow yourself to be trained by the process. Troubled marriage teaches patience, it trains in perseverance and it trains in wisdom. It trains in self-control and contentment, it makes you tough and soft all in one. It trains you to put your total trust in God and to be able to weather any storm that life may bring your way and when the training course is over you will be a master of your home and a good and seasoned teacher to teach and encourage others. You will have joy at the end of the journey and those who could not weather the storm and fell along the way will call you lucky not realizing what you had to put up against, endure and learn to be able to attain the position of rest and abundance that you have attained

In Hebrews 12:4-11 tells us to endure hardship as a form of training from the Lord, yes it is painful at that time because no form of discipline is easy but hard, but later on it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. The hardship of your troubled marriage is included in this scripture. So be rest assured that if you allow the process to train you as it is intended to, you will later reap the harvest of righteousness and peace.

So in conclusion, we go back to the story of Abigail and Nabal; after Abigail had gone through a time of training by God through the hands of her husband Nabal and it appeared Nabal was not ready to be a good man, God took his life and handed his intelligent, beautiful, well-trained and well-seasoned woman to king David as queen. Abigail moved from just been a wife to a wealthy man to being a queen over the whole twelve tribes of Israel. It was a win-win story for her. Many will say Abigail was lucky, but they forgot the hardship through which she was trained to get to the exalted position of a queen.

So as you pass through your valley of shadow of death in the form of troubled marriage, know that it is a training process, understand that you need to pick up lessons along the way and above all seek wisdom. It is only when you have been tried and tested in seeking and applying godly wisdom will you attain that position of righteousness and peace in your marriage. May the Lord bless our homes.

 Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Application Of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (1)

Esther 1:10-12

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirit from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him – Mehuman , Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Carcas – to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendant delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come.  

Esther 4:9-11, 15-16

Hathach went back and reported to Estther what Mordecai had said. Then she instructed him to say to Mordecai, “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law; that he be put to death. The only exception to this is for the king to extend the gold scepter to him and spare his life.” 

Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: Go, gather all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” 

Esther 5:1-2

On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace, in front of the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne in the hall, facing the entrance. When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold sceptre that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the sceptre.

In my last post I noted that wisdom in marriage is very vital, in fact it is with wisdom that a matrimonial house is successfully built based on the revelation of the word of God in Proverbs 24:3-4 and Proverbs 14:1. So we continue in that line of thought and find from the same Bible the application of wisdom by godly wives of old. I am so very confident that with the application of wisdom many marital issues will be a thing of history and marital life will be a beautiful thing rather than an enduring experience.

In the theme scriptures for this post, we see two queens married to the same king approach marital issues differential and as would be expected got different results. The difference between the approach of Vashti and that of Esther is simply the application of wisdom. One queen lacked wisdom and thus lost her throne as queen and the other applied wisdom and got what she wanted from her king.

Lets us totally remove the fact that Vashti’s removal as queen had the hand of God in it as could easily be concluded, but I will choose to hold on to the fact that if only she had been wise enough to obey her husband’s command, her throne would have been established in all the provinces of Susa. And this is the lesson of wisdom that I hold on to and share. Obedience to the word of God is great wisdom. If the word of God then says submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ then obedience to that word coming from the throne of God is great wisdom. Selective obedience to the word of God is no obedience at all. If you will obey the word of God that calls you into a leadership role in your church then why is that same word of God that instructs you to submit to your husband difficult to obey. Probably because you have assumed that your husband is not worth submitting to. But what you do not understand is that submission to your husband precedes your call to that leadership role that you covet so badly because if you have not handled your home-front properly and with care, then you cannot handle the church of God. If you have not been faithful with little, God will not commit bigger things into your care.

So we see Vashti who by virtue of been the queen was the woman leader in all the 127provinces under the control of her husband been demoted and sent off her highly exalted throne because of her unfaithfulness with the micro assignment of her home in the area of submission.

But yet there is another queen with a different approach to things. Esther was not just beautiful but she added to her beauty humility which is a very important component of wisdom. Esther was not just humble, she maintained her boundaries, she understood what her husband wanted and she didn’t go against his instruction. Personally I still wonder what stopped Esther from approaching her husband and laying down her grievance to him, at least he was her husband. But she humbled herself and followed through with his instruction. If king Xerxes does not want anyone coming before him without being summoned then as far as Esther was concerned she was not an exception, even though that instruction should be with the exception of the queen, but yet she obeyed.

So I ask a lot of women, how many times have you considered that your husband’s instruction is not worth following through with and you just throw such instruction into the trash of cannot be obeyed list of items. I totally agree that some of our men’s instructions are totally off, but still the Lord instruct that we must obey. In as much as I don’t and will not encourage slavery in the name of marriage, I will preach to the wonderful women of God reading this post that if your husband has expressed his likes and dislikes to you, and you know his dos and don’ts then it will do you a lot of good and it’s just plain wisdom to abide by his rules in order to enjoy peace of mind in your marriage.

One important thing we should notice in Esther marital conduct was the way and manner by which she contravened her husband’s instruction. First she prayed and fasted for three days. She had placed the matter before God, and by this she handed the situation at hand for which she was contravening her husband’s command before the Lord. In doing so she applied wisdom, and I am sure a lot of women would agree with me on that.

Then she didn’t not just pray, she ensured that she put her best foot forward as she approached her husband in a manner he ordinarily would not approve of. She dressed well, and walked towards where she knew she would be easily noticed by her husband. So in the bid to do what she knew her husband would not approve of, first she prayed, and then she prepared her appearance before walking towards where he would see her. With all of this done by Esther is it then possible to say that she will not have a peaceful home? Here is a woman who is handling her marital issues with utmost care and wisdom, yet to some she will be regarded as foolish. But while being foolish to some, she carries the wisdom of God in her with which she is building her home. No wonder her story is recorded in the Bible.  

So coming back to the application of Esther’s approach in our today’s world; first it is important that as a wife, you carry out your husband’s instruction to the least detail. If for any reason you need to work against his instruction, you need to be careful in doing so, and it is also very important to place the matter before God before you act. When you have prayed before acting, then you can be sure that if what you are about to do is what God approves of He will prepare your husband’s heart ahead to be favorably disposed to you and he’ll willing bend the rules for you. 

These lessons may appear as hard teaching, but when you seek the peace of your marriage and you let go of pride these lessons will be good for you. It’s the pride of life and the hardness of heart that makes a wife not to submit to her husband, but to obey ones husband is great wisdom displayed as you pursue building a successful marital house and in the event that you have to go against your husband’s instruction please do as Esther has done, pray well before taking action and tread carefully. In doing so you cannot go wrong. Such attitude as this is what the Lord seeks from a godly wife in order to win her husband unbelieving husband to Himself. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

The Importance Of Wisdom In Marriage

Proverbs 14:1

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 24:3-4

By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established;

Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

Its another beautiful day and another beautiful opportunity to share the beauty of God’s word. Over and over again we keep coming across negative stories about marriage and in most cases it appears as though the wife is the victim. The next question to ask God then would be is it okay by God to allow His beloved daughters waste away in the hands of cruel men in the name of husbands? If God is not partial why then will He allow some women have understanding husbands and a beautiful marriage while He allows other women fall into the hands of monsters as husbands? These questions are issues I will trust the Lord to answer for us in this blog post and a series of blog post that will be coming up in the course of the week. If you are such a person who wants to hear God’s response and learn the secret of enjoying a peaceful marriage, then I will beg you to follow on the blog posts that I will be sharing in the course of the coming days

In Genesis 2:18 after God had created all things and certified that they were good, He looked around and realized there was still one thing missing. Yes, the man God created was good, but he was not perfect, and so God decided to create perfection in him by creating from him a woman that will fill in the gaps of perfection in the man. So one truth that we as wives should always know and understand and appreciate is that what will bring about the perfection that we so long for and desire in our husbands resides in us. We are the entity that God has placed in the lives of the man to complete him and perfect him. What is required to make your husband perfect as God has designed him to be is within you his wife. No wonder Solomon says in Proverbs 18:22 that “he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from God.” He also said in Proverbs 12:4 that “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like a decay in his bones.” With what Solomon is saying, the input of a wife in the life of her husband has a lot to do with the turn out of the husband’s character. Just like it is important for the man to sow good seeds in the life of his wife, so also is it equally important for the wife to sow good seed in the life of her husband.

So as a woman how do we go about this task of helping our husbands become perfect if indeed we are the entity required to bring about the perfection in our husband’s life that we desire. In the theme passage of this blog post, Solomon said a wise woman builds her house. That tells is that wisdom is the most active virtue that a woman requires in order to attain success in marriage. A godly and wise woman will in no doubt make a very success wife to a successful man.

According to what the Bible reveals to us in Proverbs 24:3-4, it is only by wisdom can a house and your marital home be built, no other way round it will work. If you are having problems with your marriage the big advice I will give to you is to pray to God for wisdom to build your home. You need wisdom to be the God given suitable helper that God has made you in the life of your husband.

I have come to realize that there is no husband who is faultless, as long as he is human and has red blood flowing through his veins, he will get on your nerves, he will upset you and make you angry every now and then. And big of all, he will betray your trust, he will disappoint you on more than just one occasion, but when you have the wisdom of God you will be able to grow beyond the betrayal and still remain the God given helper that God has appointed you to be in his life.

Without God given wisdom, you will remain a foolish wife who tears her house down with her own hands. By saying wisdom I don’t mean getting advise from friends who don’t understand what you are facing and the peculiarity of your spouse or the assignment God has given to you to do in his life, but seeking wisdom from God who created your husband and molded you from him to be his suitable helper. Because it is God that created your husband, He knows perfectly how to handle him. He also created you from him and so knows perfectly well what He has placed in you that should bring about the perfection that is required in the life of your husband. These are deep things that you possess but might never know are there within you or might never know how to use it. Your friend or mother or sister or even the paid counselor isn’t going through your stuff with you, so they have very little understanding of what it takes to be a wife to your husband. But God know because He formed you both in your mothers' wombs.

After you have gained wisdom, also seek understanding, know the pattern and trend of your spouse and handle him with the knowledge of who you know him to be. Some men are by nature introverts while others are extroverts; some are cool headed, while some are short fused. Humans are by nature irrational, you cannot generalize behavioral traits as though men are static, human behavior is not constant. So the Bible says you will build your house with wisdom, establish it through understanding and beautify it through knowledge.

The issue of building a matrimonial home is an individualistic experience and no one but God can help you build it no matter how close the person or group of people are to you. Your mother cannot build your matrimonial home for you no matter how she much of love she has for you. She can prepare you in advance and give you bits of guideline that might or might not be applicable to your circumstance as your husband’s traits might be totally different from the experience she has. So if you are one to depend on your parents to help you build your home, permit me to say without sounding judgmental that you are foolish and with your own hands you will work at tearing your house apart.

In as much as it helps to seek help from those who have godly experience and they can share with you from their wealth of experience whereby you pick what you know will work for you and drop what the Lord has laid on your heart that will not work, but the ultimate responsibility lies in your hands to build your home. Seek God for help, work with the instructions He lays on your heart and follow through diligently and you will enjoy positive and lasting result that will give you peace. 

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Share Your Views On The Issue of Violence In Marriage, Here Is Mine

One news that keeps coming to me in forms such as a prayer request for a woman in a violent marriage or a woman experiencing some form of mental disorder as a result of the challenges in her marriage. Just yesterday I read the story of a woman who was allegedly butchered by her husband and the picture of her decapitated body posted online was terribly graphic. Even though I have shared several messages on this blog with regards to handling disputes in marriages, I can’t but seek the face of God again on the matter most especially with the fact that God has stated over and over again that He hates divorce. By human standard it will just be okay to say that the victim in the marriage runs out of the marriage and out of harm’s way just to keep safe and maintain some level of sanity, but the word of God does not change and if we will please God, then it is important to trust Him wholly with regards this marriage issue.

I will appreciate that those who read this message will drop a comment on what they truly feel on the issue of violence in marriage, yet I will drop my own thought on the matter too. I wish to learn from those reading this as much as I would want to share my own thought with them too. I will be sharing a few scriptures mostly from the book of Proverbs to help us get a better understanding into this issue. 

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 12:23

A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.

Proverbs 17:9

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 20:3

It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

Proverbs 18:2

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions

Proverbs 18:6

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.

Proverbs 15:14, 18

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

I can go on searching and digging out from the word of God the underlying cause of violence in the home. A friend once shared that for those yet to be married, a man should avoid marrying a woman who cannot control her tongue and the woman should avoid a man who cannot control his temper. This cannot be more true. When the temper and the tongue are properly checked and put under proper control such a marriage will enjoy good peace and harmony.

The true strength of a man is not in the weight of his punches or the hardness of his slaps, nor is it in his ability to use the whip but in his ability to put his temper in check and handle his situations with maturity and wisdom. Unlike what most people believe, the Bible is telling us that it more honourable to avoid strife than to be quick to quarrel. It is better to be patient than to be a warrior. It is equally better to control ones temper than to take a city. When you engage in a fight and overpower your opponent, you have this temporary sense of pride, but how long does it last when by so doing you have gained for yourself an enemy that is unnecessary. More so when this enemy is one that should be closest to you and one whom the Lord has asked you to love like you love yourself.

A lot of times you console yourself that life is better off without her, but deep within you is that truly the case? Haven’t you allowed pride create in you an unneeded vacuum that is unnecessary for you and might also lead you away from the presence and goodness of God?

And for the wife; Is that talk and the pouring out of the venom in your heart through your mouth worth the beating and mutilation of your body that might possible ensue? Will keeping quiet even when your husband keeps nagging disfigure your face or body? In my opinion, sometimes it is the woman’s mouth that actually inflicted on her the beatings rather than the punches of her husband. Rather than air your opinion and cause for yourself the trouble that might follow, I will say please share that opinion with God. Let God see reason with you and act accordingly on your behalf. Proverbs 16:14 says “A king’s wrath is a message of death, but a wise man will appease it.” So if an earthly king’s wrath is a message of death what can we say of the wrath of the King of all kings. The God of the heavens and the earth. Just think about. Can you fight your battles better than God can fight it for you? God says “It is His to avenge and He will repay.”(Deuteronomy 32:35) And then Paul says give room for God’s wrath (Romans 12:19).

Do you know that when you keep quiet rather than talk it is more dangerous for the offender because by so doing you are leaving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for the person who is offending you? I didn’t say it, but that is what the Bible says. So rather than speak whether you are right or wrong and fetch beatings and bodily harm for yourself wouldn’t you just be quiet and pray and let God handle it for you.

When we do these things we will seldom have cases of disputes in the home not to talk of quarrels or fight that invariably births violence. What we see and hear of quarrels, beatings, fights in marriages are avoidable issues that the hardness of our hearts and pride have brought to bear in our homes.

On last thing I have noticed with us women is that submission to our husbands has been an instruction we find hard to obey. An average woman will respect her husband 100% but will only obey his instruction 50%. That is not what God has asked us to do. Ephesians 5:24 says we should submit to our husbands in everything, just as the church submits to Christ. You and I constitute the church so we understand submission to Christ. Is it possible for a wife to see her husband and reverence him in the manner with which she reverence Christ? If we must know that is what God has asked us to do. Nothing less is acceptable to God.

To submit according to the dictionary is to “yield oneself to the power or authority of another.” So God is saying you should yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband. When you yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband you will not argue with, you will not challenge his instructions and orders even when in your view they are not right. When you do this you will avoid quarrels in your home. When he maltreats you and does not show you respect as the Lord has asked him too, let God in the know of the situation in prayer and continue to obey. In due time the Lord will avenge. Your been quiet is not a sign of your weakness, rather it is you giving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for those who do not repent.

Now you ask, is this doable? I say with confidence that it is doable, it has worked for many and it will work for you if you don’t habour hatred in your heart for your spouse.

So I close by saying, for the man you possess a shameful strength if what you do with it is to bully your wife. And for the woman I will say, if you cannot put your tongue in check and be the wife that improves her husband irrespective of……., then you are not fulfilling destiny. Do not let your tongue and bad attitude drive you to an early grave. 

As mentioned earlier, I look hearing from me what this issue. May God bless our homes.

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

 

The Mystery of How God Chooses A Wife For His Man

Hosea 1:2-3

When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, “Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the Lord.” So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.

Hosea 3:1-3

The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”

So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, “You are to live with me for many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you.”

Like the title of the post says, it is sometimes a mystery how God chooses a wife for His men, but in truth all that God does is perfect and faultless. So we are going to pick some very useful lessons from these scriptures above and by the special grace of God, when we apply the lessons we are about to learn in our marriages we will beguaranteed of God’s perfect and faultless result.

The first lesson here is the fact that God asked Hosea who was a prophet of God to take for himself an adulterous wife. True, God gave him reasons why He asked Hosea to do that, but God could have found a better way to make His illustration of Israel’s adulterous nature. But because what He asked Hosea to do was what He sure knew He could work with and perfect, the Lord chose the option of the adulterous wife.  

In our world today many men have found themselves in assumed faulty marriages and concluded that they made a wrong choice of marriage, but in truth, the Lord could have and in fact would have prevented that marriage union from holding if He could not make perfect that which is assumed faulty and wrong. The problem we as humans have with marital challenges and all other challenges we face is that we try to solve our problem with our limited ability. No man knows it all but God. You will always merry-go-round on your challenges if you have just employed your limited understanding in solving the problem.

So many times I have read comments whereby people say God told them to run out of their troubled marriage or get a divorce and when they obeyed they began to have peace of mind. And this has posed many questions in my mind about the authenticity of the God that spoke to them. God said in Malachi 2:16 that He hates divorce, Jesus reinstated God’s stand on divorce in Matthew 19:4-9 when He said that what God has joined together let no man separate. But He gave marital unfaithfulness as the only reason why a man can divorce his wife. Paul finished off on the subject when He said in 1 Corinthian 7:10 a wife must not separate from her husband and a husband must not divorce his wife, but in the event that they do, they are to remain unmarried or be reconciled back to one another.

If all of these are clearly stated in the Bible then the question is, why would God who has clearly put His word forward on the subject and He is not man that should tell a lie or the son of man that should repent of His ways then tell a man or woman in our generation that to separate or divorce is the only solution to the problem of their marriage. So I ask, "is it really God speaking to them or are they speaking to themselves." When a person who is yet to accept Jesus as Lord an Saviour gets a divorce he/she is assumed excused because he/she has no relationship with God nor does he/she have knowledge of the ways of God. But if someone who claims to know God well tells the people around him/her that God asked him to divorce his wife or her husband then such a person makes mockery of God because God is not an author of confusion. He never goes back on His words. Rather than God tell a man or woman to divorce, He will take the offending spouse away in death and free the guiltless spouse of the bond of the covenant of marriage so that he/she can remarry.

But in the theme scripture of this blog post we see God doing what He is known to do even in troubled marriages; the Lord asked Hosea to go and reconcile with his adulterous wife even though she is loved by another (Hosea 3:1-2). From all indications in that scripture Hosea’s wife had left him to be with another man. She had left him alone with the three children she had for him to be with another man, yet the Lord instructed Hosea to go and show love to his adulterous wife and be reconciled to her. That is the pattern of God that I am familiar with. That is the pattern of God that has been repeated countless times in the Bible. God will never instruct a man to go maltreat his wife because she has many faults, God will not ask a man to abandon his wife because she is troublesome, God will not ask a man to divorce his wife because she has become unruly, God says it over and over again that His pattern of mending issues in marriage is by love and nothing more.

As a woman we tend to mix up respect for our husbands with submission. Though a woman who submits to her husband willingly will surely respect him because the respect will be embedded in the submission she gives to him. But you can respect your husband without submitting to him. What God has asked us as women is to submit to our husband and not just to respect them. Submission requires that a woman places herself under the authority of her husband. A practical way of doing that is by obeying fully the instructions of your husband. If he asks you to sit, then sit; if he says stand, then stand irrespective of whether he is right or wrong or you feel he is right or wrong. You need to put your own knowledge on hold and just obey and let God finish off the rest. 
If what he has asked you to do is out-rightly evil like committing abortion or bowing down to an idol, don't argue with him or fight him, play with time and pray for God to intervene and correct the matter matter for you. He will come to you aid just at the nick of time. Do this, then add plenty of prayers to it and watch God work His miracle in your marriage.

And so I conclude like this: if the God that is speaking to you is saying that you should divorce your spouse you need to put your emotions on hold and check the authenticity of the voice that is speaking to you; is that really God speaking or your emotions? God will not instruct you to do what is contrary to what His word says. God and His words are one and the same. Marriage was not designed for a divorce at the beginning and also your marriage is not designed for a divorce. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus Name.  

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books by just clicking here or just by clicking on the books. They are also available on createspace.com, link are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impacts in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

My Greatest Frustration In Life Is My Wife

I have really missed sharing a word from God on this blog, as I had given a word at the beginning of this year that for every day, there shall be a word from God here. Still had to take some days off for some urgent assignment. But not to worry, the word of God will still be shared on a very high frequency on this blog to the glory of God alone. And I am convinced that the word of God though this blog is touching lives and healing homes and I will just beg you not to keep it to yourself, share the blessing with friends and loved ones and those you know who need to hear it. Jesus said the harvest is full but the labourers are few, so let’s join hands and be a formidable workforce for Jesus. We will be blessed in doing so in Jesus Name.

In today’s post I want to share a story, it’s a true life incidence and as a matter of fact the pastor of the church this couple attend is still trusting God on a lasting solution to the matter. I believe by God’s grace it will end in praise. I want us all to read and learn from it. May the Lord bless our homes.

Issue

I am having serious issues with my wife and I am really frustrated by her stubbornness. She just will not change. When I married her she was not educated to the tertiary level, and her level of exposure was and still is really on the low. Initially I didn’t mind because I thought that by the time I moved her from the village to the city and she would see the way things are done there and will learn and improve on herself. But I was and still am very wrong on that assumption. She does not know how to keep the home, she is dirty and always untidy. Her personal hygiene is very low and she just does not know how to make herself look good or make the home look presentable. I tried to teach her and even bought her some cosmetics, but still no improvement. I got her a home tutor to help me put her through on how to be a presentable woman but that also has not worked. She is a bad cook. As a matter of fact out of frustration I have resorted to beating her like a child, I don’t know what else to do to make my wife into the kind of wife that I can show and display to the world. I travel abroad a lot, I see my friends’ wives, and see other women look good and presentable and I just wonder why my own wife has just refused to learn and measure up to the standard of these women I see. I am contemplating divorce, but just mindful of our six children. I don’t want to leave her, but just wish she would change.

Response

First I will tell you well-done for still hanging on to the marriage despite all odds, and your will to open up on the issue is an indication that you have not given up yet and are welcomed to whatever can be done to improve your marital challenge without having to go for the divorce option. I pray and believe that the Lord who originated marriage will breathe live back into every dead area is your marriage in Jesus Name.

First I want to let you know and understand that you got it all wrong from the beginning, and my reason for saying that is: If she didn’t fit the standard of your social status from the beginning it would have been wise you didn’t marry her, and you did not mention that you prayed and heard from the Lord before going ahead to marry her. To assume that you can change her once you relocate her to the city was a wrong assumption too. First, humans are irrational beings and so you cannot predict with any level of certainty what the behavioural outcome of a any set of behavioural input can yield. But if the Lord permitted that marriage to hold without any problem, then its because He is able to fix it when the challenges surface. You cannot change your wife through force and so I’ll point out to you that beating your wife is wrong before God and man, you need to repent of this very uncultured habit and seek forgiveness from your wife and from God.

I have mentioned a lot of what cannot and should not happen in your narration so I think we need to consider a realistic solution to your wife’s problems. First consider praying for her, like I mentioned to the last man who had issues with his wife, it is God who created your wife and Proverbs 21:1 says “The kings heart is in the hands of the Lord, he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases,” and this includes your wife’s heart. So whatever changes you want seen in your wife, just pray about it and trust God to make it happen. When you have a situation that is beyond you, you naturally seek help from someone who is beyond you to help you solve that problem, so let that someone be God. Commit you wife to God and everything about her that you want changed and it is just a matter of time for you to see God do in the life of your wife what you cannot do in her life. Remember He molded her in her mother’s womb and He calls her by name, so there is nothing about your wife that God cannot handle and fix if you commit it to Him.

Then have you considered showing more affection to your wife rather than complain to her about what she is not? Do you take her out on dates to those luxury places you go to and see those fashion conscious lady you want your wife to emulate? Or are you afraid that she might disgrace you when you do so? If you are not taking her out sir, you are not doing enough to help her. Let her go on a trip with you to one of those countries you visit and you will be amazed at the transformation. Take her on a shopping date and you would be pleased at what the outcome will be. If you desire good harvest from your wife, try sowing good seed into her and you will be amazed at the harvest she will bring forth for you.

Spend a year without complaining but simply just loving her irrespective of what she is or is not and it is just a matter of time for her to be all that you want her to be and more. Remember that all that God demands of you for your wife is unconditional love in the manner in which Christ loved the church and died for her (Ephesians 5:25-29), anything else is unacceptable. Do this and give God something to work with in making your wife all that you desire her to be and more. Your marriage is blessed in Jesus Name.   

To the glory of God after a long wait and much effort, the books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books by just clicking here or just by clicking on the books. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impacts in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Does Submission to the Husband Include the Submission of the Wife's Income?

I am blessing God for another opportunity to share His word, and I am so grateful and humbled to be a vessel in the hands of God. And I am so positive that today’s blog post will bless many lives to the glory and praise of the living God.

In today’s post I am trusting God to help put clarity on a topic that has raised a lot of objection from married women, and that is “As a God fearing wife, is it compulsory that I submit my hard earned income to my husband?” Also included in the discussion is always the “I don’t have” attitude that wives put up when their husbands request for financial assistance from them. So I want us to objectively look into this issue based solely on the truth of the Bible and not on what should be or as related to the attitude of the husbands. 

Ephesians 5:23-24

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also the wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

This is the passage that answers the big question that we wives always don’t want answered including my very self as I write this piece to you. Yes we all might not have big issues submitting ourselves to our husbands in all other areas of our marital lives, but when it comes to our hard earned income, you bet I won’t just let go that easily. In reality, every woman would need frequent consultations with God and several making up of mind to be a second place controller of the money they worked hard to get.

The important issue in this matter is that it’s not how I feel or how you feel about the subject that matters now, but it is the instruction of God on your life that should be first priority. When you make obeying God’s word a priority over your emotions, you will surely receive a reward from the Almighty God whom you have chosen to obey above your emotions.   

So God expects that you should submit to your husband in the manner in which the church submits to God. So if you are not reluctant to put your money in God’s hands, then you should not be reluctant in submitting everything to your husband, even your hard earned income. Because in doing this you are obeying the instruction of God in your life and trusting God to make right every wrong that tramples on your obedience.

Yes, some men are of the habit of holding back their own resources when they know their wives are financially capable to making things happen in the home. And the thought of the wife would be "why is he asking me to spend my money when he has the money to spend and it’s his responsibility to take care of things." Well you are correct in your thought but I will say that obedience is better than sacrifice, if the Lord has asked you to submit in everything, then I will say you should submit in everything and trust God to handle the rest.

When Peter was addressing the men on marriage issues in 1 Peter 3:7, he instructed the men to love and treat their wives with respect so that nothing will hinder their prayers, and Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:8 that a man who does not provide for his family, especially his immediate family (which includes wife and children) has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So if your husband is not wise enough to place you and your children in his spending priority list he is smiling at the wrath of God. The Bible says he stands the risk of his prayers not been answered by God and he is worse than an unbeliever.

So it is important that as wives we don’t take laws into our own hands and fight our battles ourselves. If God says submit in everything, then, you should submit in everything. He who has asked you to submit to your husband in everything has also instructed that your husband must provide for you and your children and that he must love and treat you with respect or he stands the risk of his prayers being turned down. So it’s important that as a wife you obey your own side of the instruction and leave your husband to obey his. Remember it is the Lord who has instructed you to do so, that has also taught your hands to make wealth. The wealth you are holding back comes from God who is asking you to let go. He will only give you the permission to let go because He know He can double and triple that which you are letting go of.

What a lot of men don’t understand is that the secret to continuous increase is when you continually empty yourself for God to refill. When a man empties himself in accordance to the will of God, he will surely be refilled by God before whom he has emptied himself. I have noticed that men who take the time to make the needs of their wives and children a priority in their spending do not always go deadly broke. When such a man is saying he’s broke, he definitely still has a bit of a reserve fund laying somewhere. Men who take care of their families always prosper. This is a secret I am sharing with the men who read this blog.

In closing I want to share my own experience on this issue. In my early days of marriage, I was earning way more than my husband; I was more or less the breadwinner of my family. At that time I learnt to submit to my husband even my income. My husband had control over me and everything about me, even my money. In truth I didn’t agree with a lot of his spending activities but submitted anyway and prayed.

After a time, I lost my job and started off managing the home with was left of my accrued salary backlog and since nothing additional was coming in, soon what was left finished. I didn’t know and could not understand what my husband was using his own pay package for and it hurt very bad then, but I tried my best and I prayed.

Soon my husband got a new job and with it a better salary. To cut the long story short, he now earns over ten times what I was earning then and he is now fully taking care of the financial needs of the family. Looking back I realized that if I had not been obedient to the word of God and submitted to my husband even with my income, now that he is the one bringing in the money, he might visit on me the same cruel deeds if that was the attitude I put forward when I was the one bringing in the money and he would be justified doing so.

This experience is humbling for me, because a lot of my prayers with regards to money has been answered through my husband. So as a wife, I would say again in everything the word of God says submit. Holding back one aspect of you from being submitted makes your submission partial submission, but what God is asking of you is total submission and be sure that God who has asked you to submit will reward your act of obedience. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Books written by me are now available for sale http://www.thewordthatsuits.com/Products.php or www.createspace.com. These books are listed on the blog page and you can know more about the books and get a copy by clicking on the book of your choice. May you be so blessed and enriched as you get a copy and tell a friend about it. These are life changing materials that will make big impact in your life to the glory of God.