The Power of Unity in Marriage

There seems to be a subtle trick that the devil knows about marriage that he has been conveniently exploiting, and we, as children of God, are either not aware of or we are not taking seriously. That subtle trick is Unity in Marriage. Unity in marriage is not just about friendship or romance; it is about a strategy that brings about growth and kills stagnation.

In Genesis 11:6, God said something with regard to the building of the tower of Babel. He said, “Indeed, the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them.” That is to say that if the people are one, nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them, told by God Himself and not Derin.

In Matthew 18:19, Jesus says, “If two agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by His (our) Father in heaven." God said it in Genesis, Jesus repeated it in Matthew, and that tells me there is power in unity. But more so, there is power in unity in marriage because what better two can there be than the two of the husband and wife that the Lord has joined together and made one in flesh and in spirit.

But guess what, the devil knows more than you know that there is power in unity, and so he ensures that there is no unity. So, while you are busy proving a point and insisting on your right, the devil is having a field day enjoying your ignorance. He understands that as long as there is no agreement, there is no achievement. And that is all that he wants.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the wise king Solomon added his voice to the revelation based on the depth of his wisdom when he said, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Again, I wonder what better two can we have than the two of a husband and wife laboring together. Based on the truth of the Bible, joint labor is far more profitable than individual effort.

All of the scriptures above underscore the power of unity, but the marriage element of it is what we see in Genesis 2:18. There God says it is not good for the man to be alone. A single effort of labor is far less profitable than joint labor. When God says it is not good, He knows what He is talking about. So, when the husband and his wife (joint laborers) agree on anything and they ask, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven.

When the husband and wife are married, heaven does not regard them as separate individuals any longer. They become two people seen and addressed as one by God. When there is a request to heaven without an agreement first, such a request is not complete. It is paused until there is an agreement for it to move forward.

It’s like having a joint account in heaven. When a cheque is drawn on a joint account with only a single signatory’s signature, the bank would not honor such a cheque because the mandate on the account is not fulfilled. The cheque is returned without a withdrawal made until there is the required second signature on the cheque. This is what the devil knows that we don’t know or we are not paying attention to.

I cherish my peace of mind, and so I don’t like fights or conflicts in my marriage. I try as much as I can to avoid it. But other than being mindful of my peace of mind, I understand too well the importance of unity in my marriage, and I protect that unity. I would rather sacrifice my opinion and allow my husband to lead in whatever direction he so chooses than to be the fool to the devil and sacrifice the unity of my marriage on the altar of providing a point and wanting my opinion to be heard. I have won so many battles on my knees than with my mouth.

Fights in marriage can be inevitable. Even the healthiest of marriages have conflicts. But the application of knowledge and understanding should be at the center of every successful marital relationship. Settling the dispute quickly and maintaining the unity of the marriage is something that should not be compromised.

Let us all not be fooled, the devil knows, and understands the power of unity. He heard God say it in Genesis 11:6; he heard Jesus speak about it in Matthew 18:19, and he plays on our pride and ego by selling us the narrative of speaking up, and we have conveniently fallen for his tricks.

In Exodus 14:14, God tells us that the battles are His to fight. Even if you have to speak up and address pressing issues with your spouse, pray about it first and let the Lord give you divine utterance that will fix the problem without creating another one.

I agree that sometimes when you are in an abusive relationship, you don’t just stay still. And sometimes you will have to speak up, but make sure that in speaking up, you have the backing of heaven. Your first place to run to when you need help is to the throne of God. Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:12 that God is able to keep that which he has committed to Him. A beautiful marriage is not run on intellect, it is not run on romance or love; a beautiful marriage is run on the leading and backing of God.

Unity in your marriage is built on the altar of prayer. To promote unity in your marriage, you must be willing to sacrifice your ego, pride, the insistence on your way, and the willingness to agree with your spouse even when it may not make any sense at that time. When you are not convinced that the approach to an issue by your spouse is the right way, just hand it over to God. God will handle it on your behalf in a manner that would not injure or compromise the unity of your marriage.

Life is a lot easier when you labor jointly rather than in a singular effort. The scientific law of division is a logical way to consider this. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” One will chase a thousand, but two will put tens of thousands to flight. The profit of joint effort is not in arithmetic progression; it is seen in multiples.  

Don’t let the devil keep you stagnant and stall your growth simply because you cannot align with your spouse and agree on issues. What you are losing costs a lot more than the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

 

Sometimes, Those Conflicts Are Necessary in Marriage.

If there is one thing I detest in my marriage, it is conflicts and fights. But that does not mean that I don’t push back on some issues, and that does not happen too often. The first thing I pursue for myself is my peace of mind. I love my sanity and would not want to trade it for anything else. I am not foolish, and I don’t present myself as someone who can easily be walked over, but still, I cherish my mental health; otherwise, I will not be able to do what I love doing, which is writing these blogs.

I married a very assertive man. And even when his instructions fall short, they must still be obeyed. His personality is one that needs to be managed with care; otherwise, we will be swimming in conflicts every time. My husband’s personality is one that the devil can easily manipulate to engineer conflicts in my marriage, if I happen to be someone who also loves to be heard and wants my opinion to always count.

At the time when I was praying to God for my marriage and seeking His intervention in what felt like a miserable marital experience, His response to me was to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. As I had shared in many of my blog articles, that felt really unfair in my opinion. But I had no other help but God, and if I wanted His help, I would adopt His strategy. So, one of the many things I asked for in response to His instructions to me was to fill my husband with His presence and be the voice behind my husband’s instructions to me.

By that, I can always feel that those instructions are not coming from my husband directly but from God through him. That helps me to face the submission task a lot easier with the feeling that those words are from God to me through my husband.

Coming back to the issue of conflicts, if you have not asked God like I did, that is, you have not told God to be the voice behind your husband’s instructions to you, you cannot arrive at the same conclusion as I have in my own marriage.

Proverbs 18:2, 6, 21, 16:32, 17:14, 28, 15:1, 18, 14:29, 20:3, 19:11, 26:21, 29:22. All these are scriptures in the book of Proverbs alone that speak about conflicts, anger, and strife. And what you read here is also applicable in marriage. One key takeaway for me in all of these scriptures is that if you are rich in understanding, then you will be slow to get angry and avoid conflicts. But the interesting thing I am also discovering is that for us wives who are assigned to build homes, one key ingredient to building a successful home is understanding.

But I have found conflict as a retrospective tool in my marriage. I have learned not to be quick to react when my husband starts to pick fights. I always tell him that if we have 10 fights, it is most certain that 9 out of the 10 fights started from him and most assuredly end with him 😁. The so-called fights in my marriage have become avenues for deep thinking and learning for me.

In some cases, I try to prayerfully put myself in my husband’s shoes and view the situation from his own perspective. I tell God to help me see the situation not only from my point of view but also from his own perspective. This has helped me to understand my husband better and, in some cases, empathise with him rather than react with the same energy with which he comes at me.

Some people see this as making an excuse for bad behavior, but it has stabilized my home and saved my marriage countless times. In hindsight, my presence in the life of my husband is not to correct or teach him, but to be a suitable helper in his life. I leave the teaching and correction to God while I enjoy my own peace of mind. What I have found out is that my not reacting to my husband’s confrontations with another confrontation or in the same energy as his, ultimately sobers him, and he gets to apologize later.

But one more thing I have found out about his fights is that they are mostly wake-up calls for me. You know, I told you earlier that I prayed and asked God to speak to me through my husband so that submission would be easier for me. I have found out that a number of times when my husband picks a fight with me, it is orchestrated by God. This might sound strange, but it is true for me.

When the Lord is impressing a thing in my heart, and I am not obeying, or I am beginning to procrastinate, a squabble breaks out between my husband and I out of nowhere. So often (not all, if I must confess) when my husband begins to fight without any just cause or nothing to ignite the fight, I run to the Throne of God for answers. I begin to pray. And I have found out that just going back to obey God and do what He has been laying on my heart to do solves the problem.

Not everyone will agree with me on this, but this is the way I have maintained the stability of my home and my peace of mind and mental sanity. Proverbs 14:29 teaches us that those with understanding will be slow to engage in strife. I would rather be correct and still apologize for the sake of my peace of mind than insist on my own view or standpoint on an issue.

That does not make me a weakling, but no one quotes silence. I would rather let God prove me right than fight for my right. When God is the One fighting, He will do a better job of it than I can ever imagine doing in my own self-effort.   

There are a few things I would want you to take away from this blog message, and the first is: Is that fight going to produce for me something better than your peace of mind and the stability of your home and marriage? If it wouldn’t, then my advice would be that it is not worth the emotional drain that it will take from you. No matter what is thrown at you by your spouse, it is essential to pause and pray and not try to react on impulse.

Your value is not measured by the number of fight points you win against your spouse, but by the quality of your home and marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 teaches us that two are better than one, and it lays out the benefits. Now, there are no better twos than the husband and the wife. The unity of your marriage should be a bigger priority than the fight points you win against your spouse.

If you have prayed to God like I have to speak to you through your spouse, then those unwarranted fights might be God speaking to you and calling for your attention. You will miss that call if your reaction is to attack your spouse back rather than pause, pray, and think.

I want to conclude this by saying that those fights are not always worth the trouble. Not responding negatively to a provocation from your spouse does not make you a weakling; instead, it places you above, being the one with a better understanding and one with richer values. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

How to Solve the Problem

The title of this blog speaks of a problem. And so that I don’t continue to allow you to burn with curiosity, the problem we are solving in this blog post revolves around infidelity in marriage. It starts with a story that can be very familiar in marriages.

There is a lady with a very familiar problem in her marriage: a lack of attention from her spouse. And in cases like that, the first guess is that her spouse is having an extramarital affair. And just the normal trend, the lady is completely broken. She resorted to personal investigation of her own, trailing her husband’s movement, spying on his phones for possible evidence to hold onto or just something to substantiate her suspicions.  

One important thing to note is that in this true-life scenario, the wife is very well taken care of financially. Her husband is wealthy, and he spares no expense in giving her all that she needs and wants. But the dilemma is that the needs of a wife are not limited to finances or money alone. There are emotional intangible needs that wives have that also need to be met, and in this case, that is lacking.

As a wife myself, I know that we have an abundance of such intangible needs. And the big disconnect shows up when a man feels that, as long as he is financially providing for his family, more so his wife, then he is far and beyond in fulfilling his responsibility as a husband. Please note that that is a very wrong assumption to make.  

Going back to the core problem of this marriage, which is a lack of attention, the aftereffect was for the wife to begin to dig for answers to the why of the emotional disconnect in her marriage. And this pattern is not far-fetched. You just want to know why the chemistry between you and your spouse seems to have faded away. And one big suspect is that he is seeing someone else, who is taking his attention off you.

Checking your spouse’s phones, trailing his movement, playing detective, or even hiring one might confirm your suspicion, but what happens next? Is the problem solved, or another set of heartbreak unfolds? So, I have learned that marriage is effectively operated using thirty percent emotions and seventy percent strategy for it to be successful.

Proverbs 24:3-4 tells us that through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding, it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with precious and pleasant riches. And then Proverbs 14:1 tells us that the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands.

First of all, I want to ask a question: a wife who is playing detective over the fact that she feels that there is a disconnect between her and her husband, is she wise or foolish? Before I give my answer, the first thing that comes to mind is: what is she hoping to find? A confirmation that her husband is not cheating on her, or a confirmation that he is having an extramarital affair, or what exactly?

Will the result of her investigation build her home or tear it down? If she finds out that her husband is cheating on her, her home will be torn apart. If she finds out that her husband is not cheating on her, her home is torn all the same, because her husband will feel betrayed that she does not trust him in the first place if he finds out she has been spying on him.

How then can a wife solve a problem such as this one? From the scriptures above, we know that three things are essential in building a home, and they are wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. The wisdom that builds a home is not worldly wisdom, but the wisdom that is obtained from God. And the knowledge Solomon is talking about is not what is gotten from spying on your spouse. That knowledge will break your heart rather than build your home.

Many factors can be responsible for a diminished chemistry or affection between you and your spouse, other than extramarital affairs or cheating, even though one cannot rule out cheating. It could be distractions from work, external issues that involve external family members, or even a midlife crisis.  

To discern what can really be the problem, the first step is to pray and ask God to be your detective. Let Him who is able to search the deep things of the heart of men search out the root cause of what you are experiencing in your marriage for you. Whatever it is causing the problem, it is not beyond the reach and fix of God.

If God is investigating your problem instead of you, then He will also provide a strategy to fix the problem for you. Even in the event that your spouse may be straying into the arms of another woman, you can be sure that the effective solution to that will come from God if you do not harden your heart to His touch.

I understand that sometimes when you are heartbroken, confused, or emotionally down, which can result from your investigation findings or your mere assumption of infidelity, or even the situation of emotional neglect, it can be hard to pray. But as I mentioned earlier, if you want to enjoy a successful marriage, you have to tune down your emotional dependency to thirty percent and upgrade your dependency on wisdom. And to this end, against all odds, you need to encourage yourself to pray because the strategy for a lasting solution comes from the Throne of God on the altar of prayers.

As a wife who has been assigned as a suitable helper, you need to always (as long as you have the breath of life in you) pray for your spouse. Never allow his reaction or attitude towards you to stop you from praying for him. Because the success of the assignment from God to you as his wife is hinged on prayers.

No matter how much you nag, complain, improve yourself, cook the best meals, be the best partner in bed, improve your beauty and appearance, once all these are done in your own understanding and wisdom without divine strategy from God, there are no guarantees of success. And these self-efforts may likely lead to frustrations and burnout without success. You need to pray and let God lead.

So, I will conclude with this: if you have observed a strain in your marriage, please don’t go playing detective and sniffing around to find what is missing. Take the matter to God in prayer. Let God play the detective on your behalf; He will diagnose the problem and prescribe an effective solution.

It’s not always the case that a lack of chemistry is a result of infidelity. Sometimes your nagging will make the problem worse rather than fix it. I don’t recommend talking things over before praying on the situation first. Sometimes, praying to God and allowing Him to lead might mean you need to change something about you first. But I assure you that letting God take the lead means saving your marriage and building your home.   

 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

Will God Tell You to Divorce Your Spouse?

I have watched a handful of social media Reels and Shorts and listened to women say categorically that God told them to file for a divorce. Because I am not one to argue on social media, I thought to bring the issue here. And this is something that burns deep in my spirit and causes unrest within me.

I don’t know which God spoke to these women, but one thing I am most certain of is that God will not contradict Himself. Psalm 138:2 says, “God honors His word above all His names.” So, more than what anyone thinks they have heard from God, His written word supersedes it. If what you have heard does not align with what is in the Bible, then maybe it was more of your emotions talking to you and not God.

In Malachi 2:16, the Bible tells us in plain terms that God hates divorce; in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus reiterates this truth when He said at the beginning God made them male and female, and He joined them together, and so they are no longer two but one, and what God has joined together, let not man separate. Further, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Paul says, as a command from God and not him, a wife is not to separate from her husband, and if she does, she is to remain unmarried, and a husband is not to divorce his wife. So, when it comes to the issue of marriage, these are the words of God which He holds in honor more than His name.

If you happen to be in a marriage that is abusive and it is affecting you mentally, emotionally, or physically negatively, and you don’t have the strength of faith to remain in it, and you feel the safe thing for you to do is walk away for your own sanity and mental well-being, that is okay to say. But to come to the public space and claim God told you to divorce even though you wanted to work on that marriage is a lie, it is misleading, and it is a sin before God and man.

When God says He hates divorce, He did not give an exception. And if your marriage is bad and you are receptive to the leading of the Holy Spirit without the hardness of your heart, God will heal and restore your marriage. He is a God that is not bound by impossibilities, and nothing is difficult for Him to do. But people divorce because of the hardness of their hearts, like Jesus said in Matthew 19:8, and not because God told them to divorce.

One of the characteristics of God that we know is that He is a faithful God who keeps His covenant (Deuteronomy 7:9). As His children, formed and fashioned in His image and likeness, we are designed to keep covenants, just like our Father in Heaven, in Whose image and likeness we have been formed.

Marriage is a covenant, and divorce is an act of breaking a covenant, which is not a characteristic of God, and so if we are truly God’s children, we will hate what He hates and love what He loves. And even when we are in a tight position where we think our strength is failing us on the assignment of marriage and keeping that covenant, the Throne of God and His presence are the place to run to, and not the divorce court. But, if we choose to divorce, we should not sound righteous by telling a lie that God says we should divorce.

If you have done what God hates, and He decides to show you mercy, it does not make divorce right. God hates divorce, but does not hate the divorcee. Just like God showing mercy to a thief does not make stealing right. And so, it is crucial not to misunderstand or misinterpret mercy for permission.

I agree that some serious-minded godly people who eventually went through a divorce would have prayed to God for His intervention, some have waited on God, and He just seemed to be quiet on the issue of their marriage. So, they assumed the silence of God as permission to divorce.

But was God silent? Or was it that they did not recognise His voice in the flood of emotional chaos that they were battling with? Another possibility is that what the silent whisper of God was saying to them was a sharp contrast from what they were expecting to hear. And so, they concluded it wasn’t God, it was their minds providing an excuse for what they know is wrong, and just giving an excuse for the wrong done to them by their spouse.

I say these things because I have been there before. I know the feeling. I write glowingly about my husband today, but honestly, many years ago, it wasn’t so. There was a time in my marriage when I had begged God desperately for permission to walk out of my marriage. When I was confronted with the truth that God hates divorce, I begged Him for death. And it was that bad.

But rather than permit me, because He is a covenant-keeping God, and would not bend His rules for me or contract Himself and go back on His words, He gave me a strategy to repair and restore my marriage. For every prayer that I made, and every one of my cries to God about my marriage, the response I got was to submit to my husband as to the Lord.

It did not make sense at that time. I heard the voice in my spirit, and when I opened my bible, the scripture stared me in the face. I was the born-again one between my husband and me; I was the one who prayed more, who had a relationship with God, and yet I was the one the Lord was telling to give more.  

I was pained, I argued with God, it didn’t feel fair. But the Lord told me point-blank that if I wanted His intervention in my marriage, I needed to do as He says. I reluctantly succumbed and prayed that He teach me the kind of submission that He was talking about. Up till that time, I assumed I submitted to my husband, until the Lord showed me that what I had for my husband was just respect and love, but not submission.

I learned to do precisely what my husband instructs me to do, even when it did not make sense. Initially, it was tough, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, submission became my pattern, and God defended that submission and protected me through it.

But my submission became a tool in God’s hands for the healing of my marriage. Over time, I began to see positive changes in my husband’s attitude towards me. He began to show more love and care, and he started paying more attention to me. It’s been over 12 years now, and my marriage is healed.

I will not tell you that misunderstandings don’t exist any longer in my marriage, but the presence of God lives in it. The Lord restored what was once broken. What looked like the only possible solution, a divorce or death, is now a beautiful union; same marriage, same husband. The only thing that shifted was my willingness to walk with God on the road to restoration. I did not harden my heart.

I conclude with this: this is my own story, this is my experience and my reality. But some stories would not end like mine, and that does not make them less of God’s children than me. God’s grace and abundance are available to us all to the capacity of our ability. Whatever your own story or experience, that is what is real to you; God’s mercy is what we all enjoy. But if you find yourself entangled in divorce, you are still loved by God.

Nevertheless, God’s mercy over a divorcee does not mean He permitted it or is happy you did it. But He loves you all the same. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

Who is a wife

Some of the many issues wives face in marriage are hinged on the fact that they really don’t know who they are and their role in marriage, other than the acquired definition of a wife from tradition, society, and unhealthy norms. But based on the author of marriage – God, we need to know the true meaning of a wife and her assignment and role in marriage.

Genesis 2:18-25 describes this role quite clearly. At the beginning of this scripture, God, who created everything and said it was good, observed that it was not good for the man to be alone. Of all that God had made, He could not find a suitable helper for the man, so He created a helper from the man for the man.

So, God created a woman from Adam, and He presented her to him as his suitable helper, and she became his wife. Of the many assignments that a wife gets to perform, her primary assignment is to be a suitable helper to her husband. So based on the truth of the bible, a wife is a suitable helper to her husband.

When we say a wife is a suitable helper to her husband, this can be viewed in various contexts. A wife as a helper is not a maid; instead, she is a powerhouse of value that helps in the fulfillment of her husband’s destiny. She is an embodiment of God’s favor in the life of her man. She is God’s favor personified in her husband’s life. (Proverbs 18:22)

The success of a wife in her God given assignment is tied to the quality of help she can provide and contribute to her husband’s life. But her value is not derived from her husband, but from God; her strength does not come from her husband but from God. She pours from the value she receives from God into her husband through the fulfillment of her God given assignment as a suitable helper to her husband.  

If a wife understands that her value, strength, and worth are not derived from her husband, but from God, then she would know that her self-esteem and self-worth are not from her husband but from God. That said, if your husband is not the source of your strength, he should not be the drain of your worth and your value. No matter the disposition of your husband towards you, you should not allow him to drain your value because he is not the source of it.

If we understand that the value, strength, and worth of a wife are not derived from her husband but from God, then it is worthy of note that the quality of help that we give to our husbands as an assignment from God to us should not be determined by the behavior of our husbands. Because your husband is bad does not translate to you being a bad wife. Two wrongs never make a right.

Your assignment as a wife comes from God; God measures the quality of your performance on that assignment and your scorecard. God does your appraisal on the job. It is to God that you will give account, so having a bad husband will not be a good enough excuse to God for being a bad wife.

It is important to note that as long as God is satisfied with the quality of your help as a wife, your husband has no choice but to fall in line and behave in the manner that God instructs him to act towards you, or else, he has God to answer to. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 10:6 that every disobedience will be punished when your own obedience is complete. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to treat their wives well so that their prayers may not be hindered. So, you see that God will not allow you to provide valuable help to your husband in vain.     

There are many tools at the disposal of a wife to use in successfully fulfilling her God given assignment as the suitable helper to her husband. Some of those tools include wisdom, understanding, discernment, and many more as the Lord reveals them by His grace. But the most important of these tools is submission.

We cannot overemphasize the importance of submission in marriage. But in today’s blog, my focus is not on submission itself, but on how you submit. As a wife, are you submitting as a weakling who needs to be supervised closely or as a powerhouse full of value and as someone loaded with intelligence and wisdom?

In a lot of job postings, one essential requirement is the ability to work under minimal supervision and to have problem-solving skills. As a wife, can your husband entrust you with a task and you deliver on it with exceptional perfection? If you have been able to do this multiple times, there is no doubt that you would have earned the respect of your husband numerous times.

I know some men can be overbearing; some men are obsessed with micromanaging their wives as a show of strength, and sometimes due to ego issues. Some men find it hard to take advice from their wives, probably because they see her as incapable of delivering value. As wives, how can we deal with this and correct the trend?

My first go-to place in a situation such as this is the throne of God. Without arguing or trying to correct any notion my husband has, I will first go back to God, Who is my source of value. At some point, your spouse will bring up issues of concern in your conversations every now and then. This is not the time to offer solutions or render opinions. Those issues of concern would be your prayer points.

You would want God to render solutions and strategies through you. When you are speaking, you won’t be doing so from a place of limited knowledge, but you will be a mouthpiece for God so that your opinions and advice have their roots in God. When your husband dismisses your advice and runs with his own approach, and the problem is not solved, he’ll return to your advice, and then the problem gets solved because that solution was not originally yours, but it came from God through you in the place of prayer. And then, he’ll start to trust your judgement and respect your views. That is how the value of a wife is built in marriage.

When this happens multiple times, and the efficacy of your problem-solving skills is tested and proven to be good, your spouse begins to trust you, rely on your advice, and get vulnerable with you more. You become a safe place for him. You would have earned his respect not by simply being his wife, but by the value you have been able to pour into his life.

So, I will conclude with this: a wife is a suitable helper to her husband. To be a helper, she will have to be a problem-solver. To effectively be a problem-solver, she must have her roots deep in God. She must realize and know for sure that she is limited in herself, and so she needs the unlimited God to be successful in her assignment. God measures her scorecard; her value is derived from God, and her husband’s character is not an excuse to fail God in her assignment as a wife. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

Fighting Distraction? Let’s Discuss that Now

Have you ever woken up and set out to get some things done, and you never get around to doing them? Like you have your goals all set out, you have a roadmap to how to get things done, you have planned and prepared, even made some small financial commitments, but you never get to find the time to accomplish those things? If that is you, welcome to my world.

For whatever reason, some of the things that are supposed to be important to me end up being the things I hardly have the time for. I am super busy doing other things, but not those things that are designed for my personal growth. And that has been a genuine concern for me and a major prayer point today.

Paul in Romans 7:15 says, “What he is doing, he does not understand. What he wills to do, he is not doing, but what he hates is what he finds himself doing.” And to me, this is very relatable. I have my leading from God; I have prayed, I have received the strategy, the Lord has shown me the roadmap to where I should be going, but the problem is taking the step.

For someone going somewhere destined for great things, something like this may not be strange in your life. The devil can’t stop you from praying; he can’t stop God from speaking to you and giving you a strategy to greatness, but he can flood your life with distractions that will prevent you from accomplishing all that God has called you to be.  

The tricky part of all these is that your distractions are legitimate activities that will come up. They are things that feel so important that they will not look like distractions. They are in your to-do list; it’s just the priority that is the question. By the end of the day, you would have taken care of the bottom items of your list while leaving the top items undone.

One of the most significant inhibitors of growth in the life of a man is not a lack of strategy or lack of skill; it is the excessive presence of distractions. If the devil will not stop your skill accusation, and cannot stop your prayers, he will stop you by distracting your attention and derailing you from your path.

Let me make this a little more real to you. Let’s say you have skills in a particular area, you have looked for your job, but it’s not forthcoming; you have prayed, and the Lord says, “Don’t bother to get a job.” He goes ahead to show you your path to greatness, given the skill set that you possess.  

And then people around you start to tell you that you have not applied enough. You just can’t give up on applying. Then, every 15 minutes, you get job alerts from the many job platforms that you have created alerts on. The time you should be using to build on the strategy the Lord has given you, you are using to build and rebuild resumes and create cover letters, for job applications that will come back with the sentence “We are sorry, we will not be moving forward with you.”

The question now is not about diligence or focus, but what you are diligent at and what your focus is on. The devil has flooded your heart and life with distractions that you are heading in the wrong direction, far from the goal that God has shown to you.

Sometimes it comes with tiny contrary ideas, more like your own shortcut version of what God has laid out before you. In some cases, you have told yourself you need money to start off. You spend so much time trying to raise the capital with no success and with plenty of frustration that you lose sight of what God has told you and the direction He has asked you to take.

If this is your story as much as it is mine, then we need something more than diligence to walk through the doors of abundance that the Lord has opened to us. If God has blessed you with His promise to bless you and He has given you the blueprint to your road to success, don’t bother adding to or removing from that blueprint; just follow it blindly. God will lead you to where His grace will not lie in wait for you. And this is one of the steps to combat distractions.

Challenges come in various forms; it could be a closed door in your pursuit of a breakthrough, or a health issue,  a financial issue, a marital issue, or even a family issue. But know now that distraction is also a big challenge that should be dealt with, with as much seriousness and prayers, as you would deal with all these other issues that I have mentioned.

Distractions prevent you from hitting your goal and achieving greatness. It inhibits your growth and prosperity and leads to frustration, which leads to emotional issues, and then mental issues and possibly death. This is how dangerous distractions can be.

When people complain of stagnancy in life, it could be as a result of a lack of knowledge (God says, “My people perish for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6), it could as a result of your inability to hear from God to know where He is leading you, it could God training you and preparing you for something great that requires you to wait, or it could be a result of distractions.  

The problem of distraction is one that you need to pray hard and seek the help of God about. It is a very subtle destroyer, a time waster, and a destiny killer. You should not take the issue of distractions lightly if you are someone faced with that challenge. The devil uses distractions to steal your time and keep you stuck in one place.

Today’s blog speaks to me as much as to anyone who finds this topic relatable, and it has been a challenge that I have been praying about. But God is faithful; He is not leaving me to fight this battle of distraction alone. Because I have so much that I am responsible for, I get overwhelmed and I feel the burnout. For me, every task is a priority. But God has not abandoned me yet, and the management of my time is one thing I have handed over to Him, and I can see His hand helping me.

Look around you and observe the trend in your life. You may be just a step to your breakthrough, and the only thing the devil is using to hold you down is distraction. You are skilled, productive, and strategic, yet you are not hitting the mark because your mind is flooded with noise.

Sifting through the noise can be a huge task. Everything is important; you don’t want to appear selfish or self-seeking, but too many tasks are slowing down your momentum. This is a big issue that is worth praying about.

Even the battle of your time is not yours to fight; let God fight it for you, and just relax and feel the noise quietened around you with peace that helps you focus on the items of utmost priority in your life and growth. He is doing it for me, I know He’ll do it for you too. That peace for focus comes from Jesus. John 14:27 tells us that Jesus has given us peace. If you don’t feel it yet, go ahead and ask again in prayer. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

How to Operate in the Realm Where Nothing Holds You Down

When the Bible tells us that there is nothing impossible for God to do, have you experienced that truth at any point in your life? Today’s blog is just a reaffirmation that as long as you remain a child of God, and you trust God completely, you should experience and enjoy His protocol-breaking power. When God is ready to move, protocols bow to His will.

There are a handful of times people tell me things like “this is the way it is designed to be,” or “this is the policy,” or “you can’t move beyond this level because that is the way it is designed to be”. When I hear such things being said, I hold my breath and refrain from argument. What they are saying is not wrong, but they only say what they know. If they know and experience better, they will say better.

I have learned in this world that there are facts and there are truths. The facts are designed, arranged, and controlled by men. It is the reality, and it is not a lie. So, those who hold unto facts are not wrong. That is their reality, and they have not sinned by holding onto reality. Maybe they may be short-changing themselves by their short-sightedness. But they have not done anything wrong.

But some people have built courage based on their knowledge of God and their relationship with God to press on for more than just the mediocre level. They are not denying the policy or protocol; they have determined within themselves not to be limited by protocol or policy. What stops others will not stop them, and they are moving and pressing towards their goal, irrespective of boundaries set by men and not by God.

Job 22:28-29 says something profound. It says, “You shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: And the light shall shine upon thy ways. When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, there is lifting up; And He shall save the humble person.” I so love this scripture, and I believe it's not a strange scripture to the ears of many, but only a few experience the efficacy and power of this scripture.  

Those who align with facts and stick to them have a very good excuse for failure. They accept their fate and do not challenge the status quo. For them, that is just the way it should be. They make friends with their limitations and never push back. The system is designed that way, and so nothing can be done to change it. Guess what, they never grow.

But for a very few, they can take the NO from God, but not from man. When the world is saying there is a casting down, they know that things that are seen and experienced in the physical have their root in the spiritual realm. While not arguing with what is seen, they take their battles to the spiritual realm and begin to upturn protocols and change patterns from the spiritual realm.

Guess what, they have the authority to do so, and it is given to them by their Father in heaven. Job 22:28 says, “they will decree a thing, and it shall be established.” They don’t just accept things as they are if such a thing is not working for them. They push boundaries from the spirit. They overturn human laws from the spirit. They don’t just sit still; they challenge what is challenging them because what they decree is established. For these ones, nothing is impossible for them.

There is a story in the Bible that explains what I am trying to get across. In Matthew 14:22-33, we will find the story of how Peter walked on water. If we say Jesus walked on water, it will not be too much of a big deal because this is Jesus, the Savior, the Son of God, the Messiah, the Christ. But who is Peter? He is just a fisherman, fortunate to be among the disciples of Jesus.

There were eleven other disciples in that boat, but it was only Peter who was bold enough to want to experience the impossible. While others watched on, Peter spoke, made a request, and walked on water like Jesus. While others in the boat accepted their fate and relied on the fact that it was impossible to walk on water, which is not a lie, Peter walked on water. He didn’t walk just on water; he walked with courage and faith and got what he asked for.   

Let me bring it home a little and share my own impossible experience with you.

There was a time, many years ago, when my husband and I were talking, and he mentioned that his job title and role were not at the same level as his salary scale when compared to his counterparts in other regions of his organisation. His salary and level were a little below the average, and for him, there was a good reason why it was so. And I just responded to him passively, not to worry that he would soon be promoted.

He took his time to school me and tell me how that is not possible. He gave me enough reasons why that can’t happen. He works there, not me, so I don’t have any moral justification to argue with him otherwise. But that word impossible was what I would contend with. Not with my husband, but protocols and systems must be rearranged to favor me because I am a child of God.

So, I began to pray. For many days, I prayed for my husband’s promotion like my life depended on it. Then one day, after I had stopped praying on it and even forgotten we even spoke about promotion, my husband called me to share the news. Someone somewhere in their organisation’s head office in another country, on another continent, took note of the fact that his salary grade and role did not align and immediately called for his promotion.

His boss was bypassed, his country's HR Director was bypassed, and just the person in charge of staff salary in the Human Resources department was called upon to re-adjust his salary for his new level, prepare a new salary package for him, and submit for approval with immediate effect. It was the personnel handling salary that informed him about what was happening behind the scenes (my husband never knew), and then he called me. He said Derin, you said they will promote me, and I argued. That was one of the moments I was super proud of the God I call Father.

In Matthew 19:26, Jesus tells us that with man, some things can be impossible, but with God, nothing is ever impossible. And then Philippians 4:13 tells us that we can do all things through Christ. Those who are in Christ and know His power will live above impossibilities because, though they are limited in themselves, Christ, through Whom they do all things, is not limited by impossibilities. And so, they are not limited by impossibilities.

More so in Isaiah 44:26, the God with Whom nothing is impossible says, He is the God who confirms the word of His servants, and performs the counsel of His messengers. Those who know their God and have built a deep connection with God will speak, and God will confirm it and even perform it.

So, now you will understand why some stay with facts and others push the limits and challenge the status quo, and then win while doing it. There is the fact, but then there is the truth. Those who stay on the facts may remain there, but those who stay on the truth they know about their God are those who do exploits. Remember what Daniel said in Daniel 11:32

So, I will finish off by saying, the facts are real. They are what they are, which is that they are the facts. They are based on human reality; they are limited, and so they are limiting. But there is a truth that sets free; that is based not on human reality but on the efficacy of Who God is, and of the truth of God’s impossibility breaking power. Those who rely on this truth are strong, and they do exploits; they move boundaries and operate in the realm of possibilities. They are not satisfied with their fate; they shape their destinies in the realm of the spirit.

If you belong to the category of protocol breakers and destiny builders, I congratulate you. If you are tired of staying small, tired of the limitations holding you down, and you want to be set free, the first step is knowing your God (and I will categorically say that the God you need to know is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ). Also know that you can only know God through Jesus. Spend as much time as you can, knowing your God, because it is those who know their God that can do exploits. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.