Will God Tell You to Divorce Your Spouse?

I have watched a handful of social media Reels and Shorts and listened to women say categorically that God told them to file for a divorce. Because I am not one to argue on social media, I thought to bring the issue here. And this is something that burns deep in my spirit and causes unrest within me.

I don’t know which God spoke to these women, but one thing I am most certain of is that God will not contradict Himself. Psalm 138:2 says, “God honors His word above all His names.” So, more than what anyone thinks they have heard from God, His written word supersedes it. If what you have heard does not align with what is in the Bible, then maybe it was more of your emotions talking to you and not God.

In Malachi 2:16, the Bible tells us in plain terms that God hates divorce; in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus reiterates this truth when He said at the beginning God made them male and female, and He joined them together, and so they are no longer two but one, and what God has joined together, let not man separate. Further, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Paul says, as a command from God and not him, a wife is not to separate from her husband, and if she does, she is to remain unmarried, and a husband is not to divorce his wife. So, when it comes to the issue of marriage, these are the words of God which He holds in honor more than His name.

If you happen to be in a marriage that is abusive and it is affecting you mentally, emotionally, or physically negatively, and you don’t have the strength of faith to remain in it, and you feel the safe thing for you to do is walk away for your own sanity and mental well-being, that is okay to say. But to come to the public space and claim God told you to divorce even though you wanted to work on that marriage is a lie, it is misleading, and it is a sin before God and man.

When God says He hates divorce, He did not give an exception. And if your marriage is bad and you are receptive to the leading of the Holy Spirit without the hardness of your heart, God will heal and restore your marriage. He is a God that is not bound by impossibilities, and nothing is difficult for Him to do. But people divorce because of the hardness of their hearts, like Jesus said in Matthew 19:8, and not because God told them to divorce.

One of the characteristics of God that we know is that He is a faithful God who keeps His covenant (Deuteronomy 7:9). As His children, formed and fashioned in His image and likeness, we are designed to keep covenants, just like our Father in Heaven, in Whose image and likeness we have been formed.

Marriage is a covenant, and divorce is an act of breaking a covenant, which is not a characteristic of God, and so if we are truly God’s children, we will hate what He hates and love what He loves. And even when we are in a tight position where we think our strength is failing us on the assignment of marriage and keeping that covenant, the Throne of God and His presence are the place to run to, and not the divorce court. But, if we choose to divorce, we should not sound righteous by telling a lie that God says we should divorce.

If you have done what God hates, and He decides to show you mercy, it does not make divorce right. God hates divorce, but does not hate the divorcee. Just like God showing mercy to a thief does not make stealing right. And so, it is crucial not to misunderstand or misinterpret mercy for permission.

I agree that some serious-minded godly people who eventually went through a divorce would have prayed to God for His intervention, some have waited on God, and He just seemed to be quiet on the issue of their marriage. So, they assumed the silence of God as permission to divorce.

But was God silent? Or was it that they did not recognise His voice in the flood of emotional chaos that they were battling with? Another possibility is that what the silent whisper of God was saying to them was a sharp contrast from what they were expecting to hear. And so, they concluded it wasn’t God, it was their minds providing an excuse for what they know is wrong, and just giving an excuse for the wrong done to them by their spouse.

I say these things because I have been there before. I know the feeling. I write glowingly about my husband today, but honestly, many years ago, it wasn’t so. There was a time in my marriage when I had begged God desperately for permission to walk out of my marriage. When I was confronted with the truth that God hates divorce, I begged Him for death. And it was that bad.

But rather than permit me, because He is a covenant-keeping God, and would not bend His rules for me or contract Himself and go back on His words, He gave me a strategy to repair and restore my marriage. For every prayer that I made, and every one of my cries to God about my marriage, the response I got was to submit to my husband as to the Lord.

It did not make sense at that time. I heard the voice in my spirit, and when I opened my bible, the scripture stared me in the face. I was the born-again one between my husband and me; I was the one who prayed more, who had a relationship with God, and yet I was the one the Lord was telling to give more.  

I was pained, I argued with God, it didn’t feel fair. But the Lord told me point-blank that if I wanted His intervention in my marriage, I needed to do as He says. I reluctantly succumbed and prayed that He teach me the kind of submission that He was talking about. Up till that time, I assumed I submitted to my husband, until the Lord showed me that what I had for my husband was just respect and love, but not submission.

I learned to do precisely what my husband instructs me to do, even when it did not make sense. Initially, it was tough, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, submission became my pattern, and God defended that submission and protected me through it.

But my submission became a tool in God’s hands for the healing of my marriage. Over time, I began to see positive changes in my husband’s attitude towards me. He began to show more love and care, and he started paying more attention to me. It’s been over 12 years now, and my marriage is healed.

I will not tell you that misunderstandings don’t exist any longer in my marriage, but the presence of God lives in it. The Lord restored what was once broken. What looked like the only possible solution, a divorce or death, is now a beautiful union; same marriage, same husband. The only thing that shifted was my willingness to walk with God on the road to restoration. I did not harden my heart.

I conclude with this: this is my own story, this is my experience and my reality. But some stories would not end like mine, and that does not make them less of God’s children than me. God’s grace and abundance are available to us all to the capacity of our ability. Whatever your own story or experience, that is what is real to you; God’s mercy is what we all enjoy. But if you find yourself entangled in divorce, you are still loved by God.

Nevertheless, God’s mercy over a divorcee does not mean He permitted it or is happy you did it. But He loves you all the same. 

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