The Overseer Husband 2

It’s another gracious morning, and another glorious reason to thank God. I feel so grateful, not just to be alive, but to also be well and healthy. Just like everyone else, I have concerns, and I have battles that I am facing and challenges that are distracting my attention and in it all I am still going to praise God with all of my life because He loves more than I deserve. And I am alive and able only because of God’s loving grace. I encourage you to have the same attitude of looking beyond your present troubles and focus on Jesus. He makes all the difference.

So today we will continue on the attributes of the “Overseer Husband” that we started with yesterday, and I pray that we will be able to learn more lessons from it and apply them in our lives to make us totally different people, a kind of people that makes God’s heart leap with joy. 

1 Timothy 3:1-5

Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not mange his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)   

We've looked at the first three attributes in yesterday’s post, and so today we will continue from the fourth.

Self-Controlled: The dictionary defines self-control as “control or restraint of oneself or one’s actions, feelings, etc”. But I will like to define self-control as “the ability to put one’s emotions in check at all times.” So the overseer husband should not be one given to emotional outburst too often. For an overseer husband, when confronted with any situation, it is important that you think it through properly before reacting and not reacting first before thinking it through later. This is very important, not just the overseer husband, but for every child of God. Your actions are valuable and weighty, spend them wisely.

Respectable: Again the dictionary meaning of respectable says “worthy of respect or esteem; estimable; worthy.” So this husband must be someone who has earned the respect of his family first and the outside world in general. And sincerely this brings to mind the complaints of some wives whose husbands are so good and kind to the outside world but mean and unkind to their wives and in some other cases even their children. If only the men understand the important role their wives play in their lives and the kind of value she carries for them. The first place to show kindness and love is in the home to your family which consist of your wife and children and then in flows out from there and not the other way round. The people who hold valuable packages from God for your life are your wife and children; they should always come first. Those are the ones you should attach importance to. Your business partners and your colleagues and friends are like flowers that color the trees and whither in no time; they are very temporal in your life.

Hospitable: Someone who is hospitable should be a person who is warm, friendly, favorably receptive, kind, cordial, open, welcoming, sociable and generous. These should be the attributes of an overseer husband. Not a husband that comes into the house and the entire family runs into hiding. He should be a husband whose wife is free to talk to and relate with openly. He should be a father who is both firm and friendly with his children all in one.

Of what use is a shepherd whose sheep are running away from or afraid to talk to. If you are such an overseer in your household I believe it time to make that positive change. Being the head of the family does not entail be cruel and unkind to those under your authority.

Able to Teach: Interesting that this is coming just after hospitable, because the most effective ways to teach is to be close to those whom you want to teach so that you know their areas of weaknesses and where to put in more effort in teaching, and to teach through the examples they see and copy from you. You cannot instruct someone to go left while you are going right and be sure they will obey. They might obey while you are watching but the moment you turn your back, be sure they are doing the direct opposite of your instruction and just walking behind your footsteps. Effective leadership is the leadership by example and in other cases the servant leadership.

Not Given to Drunkenness: Proverbs 31:4-7 reads, “It is not for kings, O Lemuel – not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what the law decrees, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights. Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more." This is the scripture that came to mind on the issue of drunkenness, and I will implore overseer husbands to ask themselves this question; are you in the category of kings or you belong to those perishing and in anguish. The answer to this search question tells you what next to do and what God expects of you. If you have to drink, please do it in moderation and don’t get drunk.

Even though I would love to finish off on this and then we can gist about another interesting topic in marriage, I believe I should stop this and continue in the next post so I don’t get this post too long to read.

I am very grateful to God for the revelation of His word to us and personally I have learned a lot of things. Now I understand God’s standard for my husband and though I know and acknowledge that I cannot change him personally, I know how to pray for him.

I pray that as we begin the New Year, the men will know better God’s expectations for their lives and begin to make necessary adjustment where necessary. I also pray that the wives reading this will understand God’s standard for their husband and pray the necessary changes into the lives of husbands. Now you have a better understanding of what should be in your year’s prayer request for your husbands. May the Lord bless our homes and marriages in Jesus name. 

The Overseer Husband

Good morning people of God, I thank God specially for counting us among the living today. That we are awake and alive today is as a result of God’s grace and His grace alone. So I am waking up praising God, and I hope you do the same.

1 Timothy 3:1-5

Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not mange his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)   

In today’s post, I wish to just drop a few food for thoughts for the men who are husbands and I will be tagging this post the “Overseer Husband.”

In the passage above is the criteria Paul gave for a man who seeks to be a church overseer, I want to believe that is what we call Pastors in today’s generation. Quite a lot of us have attributed this overseer role to come with God’s calling you audibly to his service, but in my own interpretation I will say that as long as you are a husband and God has established a family for you, you are an overseer over that small unit of your family. That is where the work begins. If you do not qualify in this small unit, you can’t make it for the big one. So in a nutshell I will say that every married man is an overseer.

1 Timothy 3 gave us the requirements of an overseer, which are the requirements for all husband overseers and those requirements are what we will be looking at one after the other in this post. So we begin with the first one.

He Must Be Above Reproach: This is the first requirement of a husband overseer and so we will first try to know what reproach means. From the dictionary, the word reproach means “to find fault with (a person or group etc); blame; censure; and another says, to be a cause of blame or discredit to; yet another says, disgrace, discredit, or blame incurred.” So we understand that God expects that a husband overseer must be above disgrace or any act that can result in blame or discrediting his person.

So he should not be found in acts such as adultery, lies, wife beating of wife or any form of domestic violence, then in the bigger picture he should be a man of high integrity both within and outside of his home. And least I forget, he should be a loving husband.

No wonder God warned the husband in Malachi 2:16 to guard themselves in the spirit and not break faith.

It always appears that the stakes are high for the Godly wife in marriage, but I am beginning to realize that they are higher for the overseer husband. Some men may want to say that since they do not seek the office of church overseer this is not a standard for them, remember that as long as you are head over your family, you are already an overseer of that family and the same standard applies to you.

The Husband of But One Wife: This is the second requirement of a husband overseer. He should be a man not entangled in polygamy. In as much as God still forgives and walks with a man who puts himself into trouble by taking more than one wife, God does not approve of it still. There is no polygamous marriage whether in the Bible days or in our present day generation that is not smeared with strife, malice, jealousy, anger, hatred and all the ills that can go with it. A man who sought the face of God before taking a wife will not have any reason to find himself in a polygamous marriage. And the task of managing his family well will be less tedious.

Temperate: The dictionary defines temperate as, “moderate or self-restrained; not extreme in opinion, statement; another says moderate as regards indulgence of appetite or passion.” So basically the Lord expects that the overseer husband is not an extremist of any king and in any way. Even in opinion, he is expected not be an extremist. If I understand this well, an overseer husband is one who is opened to the opinions of others. So to say that he should be a good listener. This is quite revealing if I must say. So I can actually infer from this that the overseer husband should be able to give ear to his wife’s opinions; listen to her and hear her out. That does not make him less than a man as some men have conditioned their minds to, but that he is taping into the wisdom of his wife and taking out of her all that God has deposited in her for him. This is really interesting.

So that this post will not be too lengthy, I will halt at this point and we will continue our discoveries in tomorrow’s post. I just hope this is going down well with the men, but the basis of these is found in the Bible. May the Lord strengthen the men to be all that He has called them to be in Jesus name.

My Mother-In-Law is My Greatest Problem in My Marriage

I bless God for another the grace to see another morning. This morning I woke up with a heavy thought and that is, I am alive for a purpose, it’s an opportunity that those in the grave will do anything to have. It’s an opportunity to a second and third chance to make it right with God and fulfill the purpose for which He created me and is still keeping me alive. It’s up to me to make that opportunity count. This is not just for me, but for all of those who wish to have a successfully blessed and glorious 2017.

So it’s another talk day and I feel led to write about marriage and external influence. I wrote in the book "Marriage: God’s Rules of Engagement" that one of the greatest enemies of a successful marriage is tradition. Another innocent looking treat to marriage is the influence of family members in the marriages of their child or loved one so to say. God being mindful of this says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” The reason for this leaving is because the influence of family factor in any marriage is always one sided and will never promote the unity of that marriage that is requisite for it’s success. This leads me to the story I want to share today and I pray that we lesson valuable lessons from it.

Issue

When I got married it was with an open heart and I looked forward to a loving relationship not just with my husband but also with his family. My husband had warned me that he respected and loved his mum, but would not want any unnecessary closeness between his mum and I. This was strange and different from the training my mother gave me. She always told me that in marriage, you don’t just marry the man, but you marry his entire family too. That I should love my mother-in-law and take her as my mother; so I followed through with my mother’s advice and did all I could to be a loving daughter to my mother-in-law. But that was my biggest undoing. My mother-in-law saw me as a threat and treated me with great disdain. For God knows why, everything I did or said got her irritated. As far as she was concerned I just came to take her son away from her; she was of the mindset that her husband who happens to be my husband is very rich and I am stopping her from having her share of the largesse despite all she sacrificed to train him and all she invested in him to become the man that he is. She always comes up scary threats and when I complain to my husband, he tells me that I brought it upon myself as he had told me to stay away from his mum. There is always this constant cold war between me and my mother-in-law and my husband is always at a loss as to whose side he should be on. This is really affecting my marriage because it is having it’s toll on my relationship with my husband; we often end up fighting whenever issues of his mum comes between us and try as I may her issues come up too often because she always has one complain she is reporting me to my husband for even though they are always lies or twisted stories.

Response

I will tell you that both your husband and mother weren’t wrong in the advice they gave you on the issue of your mother-in-law, it’s just the balanced application of these two advises that you lack. In Romans 13:7-8 Paul said, “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellow-man has fulfilled the law.” From this passage you owe your mother-in-law respect and honor because she is your husband’s mother and because you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit she has become your mother and God says “Honor your father and mother so that your days may be long on earth.” And then because you also owe the continuing debt of love to everyone as a child of God, you owe her love. And this is why I said your biological mother didn’t advice you wrong.

But in marriage you are to leave mother and father behind and be united to your husband; that is God’s instruction in Genesis 2:24. So your husband was also very correct when he instructed you not to get unnecessarily close to his mother. The Bible says you should submit to your husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), so you should obey your husband’s instruction above that of your mother. The instruction of your husband should be the priority instruction in your life.

Now here is how to balance out this situation: You are to love your mother-in-law, respect and honor her, but never let her get involved in any affairs that has to do with your marriage. Your marriage and all that has to do with it should be a no go area of either your mother-in-law or even your biological mother or any relative or friend. Any issue in your marriage should be handled between you, your husband and your God. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work," and then Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This cord of three strands is you, your husband and your God. Any other attachment to this threesome is not allowed and should not be welcomed.

Also never try to get involved in any situation that involves your husband and his mother or family members. Before God, you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit, but before your mother-in-law, you are an intruder. Trying to play the devil’s advocate or trying to mend quarrels between him and his mother will be misconstrued by her and you will be seen as been too forward or domineering. So it’s safer you stay away from anything that concerns your husband and his mother or any relative for that matter.

If there is an issue and his mother tries to report to you or intimate you on the matter, politely refer her back to him in the nicest and most friendly manner; never attempt to come between them. All you should do is play your part of love, respect and honor. Any other involvement should come in the form of prayer within your closet for him as your husband and for your mother-in-law or any relative as it may be.

There are some mothers-in-law that are loving and kind; these ones really do have the mind of God in them and they will attract your love effortlessly by the love they show to you. But still you are to leave father and mother and be united to your husband as they Bible instructs; your marriage should still be shielded from their influence. And for the mean mothers-in-law, you still have to love them anyway, its just that it will take greater effort at love but God’s grace is sufficient for you. In all, do not encourage external interference in your God. God is all you need and He is always available for you.  

Where Do I Go From Here

I bless God that you made it to this year 2017 and first I want to wish you a very Happy New Year. May all your expectations in the Lord this year not be cut short. I will plead with you as I pray for myself and my household that this will be a year of developing and maintain a very strong tie with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Then you are assured of living in abundance even in the midst of famine.

So we continue to learn the valuable lessons of marriage so that we are well grounded and adequately equipped for all that the enemy may throw at us in the name of challenge and distractions. My prayer is that the Lord God Almighty will use this blog to cut down the divorce rates all over the world, and help couples understand that they are not each other’s enemies but rather they have a common enemy who is working tireless to endure that they do not attain the fullness of their God given potentials and destiny.

So today I will share another story. And I pray and hope we are able to learn valuable lessons from it that will enhance our own marriages.

Issue

Marriage for me has been 100% misery. The big problem that I am facing now is that if I leave, I don’t know where I am leaving to or how to start all over again. First of all, for a reason I don’t understand, I and my husband and children are living with my mother-in-law in her house. And this is a situation I dare not contest or protest about. My husband lost his well-paying job and his mother convinced him not to get another job but rather join her in the so-called family business. Now we live off the crumbs that falls of my mother-in-law’s table. We can’t buy anything or spend any money without her knowledge and approval. It is so bad that she has assumed the role of the spiritual head in my husband’s life and so whatever she says is as good as “thus says the Lord” and must be obeyed. My husband has now taken to drunkenness and late nights. We can’t even communicate with each other as husband and wife. My mother-in-law is a widow and my husband is her only child, but this situation is the worst that any wife can find herself. I don’t have a job and so I don’t earn income. I can’t even provide for my children, I just have to make do with what almighty mother-in-law makes available. I am miserable and I need help.

Response

I am trying to imagine what you are going through and how uncomfortable you are in that situation, but you don’t have a problem that defies solution. At the throne of God you will find grace to cope in the meantime and help to move you to the next level. You will pray and pray yourself out of that situation.

I believe that God will not let you be in a situation that His grace fitted into the ability He has placed in you cannot see you through. So you will stop to pity yourself and get ready to do battle.

Your husband is in a dilemma; he has walked himself into a situation he is most likely regretting and because he is frustrated he has taken to drunkenness and late nights. No well-meaning man will have to depend on his mother to take care of his family and be happy with that situation; so he is a frustrated and miserable man. You need to understand that your husband is not your problem, he is probably going through too much for him to handle as it is. But you are God’s assigned helper in his life. So you need to understand also that you are God’s instrument of change in the situation of your husband and your family as a whole.

First you need to find your way to Jesus; you need to develop a relationship with Jesus. Get your Bible and start to read it; that is your sword for fighting the battle that lies ahead of you. Pray that the Lord will open up His word to you. Get instructions on how to fight this battle from your Bible which is the word of God and run with those instructions. When you do, you are guaranteed to win.

You will pray that the Lord will open heavens for your husband and that he gets another job, then you will pray that the Lord will provide another accommodation for you and your family. The word of God says that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh,” this word is not effective in your marriage and so you will pray to God that His spoken word in Genesis 2:24 will be the active word in your marriage. When your husband gets a new job and a new accommodation I believe you will have respite and a bit of breathing space. 

While still praying, you will submit to your husband and respect him despite the situation you both are in. You will pray that the Lord will fill your husband with Himself and His glory so that whatever instructions come from your husband is coming from the Lord and you will find ease to obey. When you do this, you will earn your husband's love and attention again. 

You don’t need to make your mother-in-law your enemy, just pray for her to have a better understanding of the ways of God so she will not ignorantly dominate your life as a result of her selfish emotions. Your husband and his mother are not your enemy; they are only tools in the hands of your true enemy which is the devil to distract you and your husband from being all that God has destined you to be.

You are God’s battle axe in that family and so you need to find your way to the throne of grace to obtain grace and mercy and power from God to wage war against that which is waging war against your peace. I am very positive that with Christ you will succeed. 

In Marriage, What Does Age Have to do With It.

Hello wonderful people, it’s the last day of the year and I really bless God for the grace we have to be counted among the living today. I watched a Myles Munroe video clip last night and he taught that success is not being rich in material wealth, but success is discovering your purpose of existence and fulfilling that purpose. We are alive today because we have a purpose to fulfill for the Lord, it’s important we find that purpose and run with it. I wish us all a very fruitfully blessed and prosperous 2017 in Jesus name.

I had promised in my post yesterday to share another story, but the Holy Spirit is leading me in another direction and in this joint venture of ours He is the boss and He calls the shots, so permit me to deviate a little.

Today I will share on the issue of age and marriage. I have been asked if it’s okay for a woman to marry a man who is younger than her in age and what the Bible says of such a union.

Well so far in my search of the word of God I have not yet come across any scripture passage where God stated categorically that a woman must marry a man older than her in age or otherwise, but the closest I have come across the issue of age and marriage is the fact that as at the time Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah, Abraham was a 100years old while Sarah was 90years old. So Abraham was 10years than his wife Sarah. Other than this, there is no speculated age difference that should be between a man and his wife or whether that a man should be older or younger than his wife.

But that said, God instructed that a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord and in all things (Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-6, Colossians 3:18). So whether you choose to marry a man who is older or younger than you, the important instruction that you should bear in mind is that this man becomes your head once he becomes your husband and you are to obey him and submit to him like you would submit to God.

You should be ready to sit when he says sit, and you should be ready to stand when he says stand without questioning his authority. When you are ready to willingly submit to his authority irrespective of whatever age difference is between the two of you, then you are ready to be married and if you are already married, then you are ready to take your marriage to the next level of success.

For the man, I will repeat the same thing; the word of God instructs that you love your wife unconditionally (Ephesians 5:25-30, Colossians 3:19), so age is not a barrier to love. If you are married to a woman who is older than you and yet she submits to you, it’s not because she is foolish, it’s because she is obeying the instructions of God for her life. She should not be taken for granted or treated with disdain. That she calls you the king of her life and treats you the same should not translate to ego boost, but it’s should be appreciated humbly and reciprocated with divine love, unconditional love, a love that is worth all the sacrifice you can give for it. Then you will be having a marriage made in heaven here on earth.

May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.   

I Was Beaten Black & Blue By My Husband While Pregnant

To the glory of God we just have a day to go and in about 36 hours or less we will be jubilating into another year to the glory of God. And it’s the usual custom to have a quick stock-take of the year rounding up and where to make amends for the new year. This is also a time of new year resolutions of which we hardly make up to 50 percent of our resolutions by the end of half year. I can remember making a resolution this time last year that I will share a message on my blog every day. I didn’t make good that promise until the last six weeks of the year. But I sure do pray for grace this year in Jesus name.

Today I will share another gist and I hope to share another tomorrow by the special grace of God and plead that you give me the first day of next year off and then we will resume talks on the 2^nd of January by the special grace of the living God. I am excited and that’s no lie.

Issue

I had an argument with my husband, and just as I was trying to prove my point, he took the cable wire of one of the electronics in the house and beat the living day out of me, not minding the fact that I am pregnant and without a thought for our young child. I am now wondering if this is what I have to cope with in this marriage because I have a good feeling of just calling it a day with this marriage and taking a walk. What manner of man beats a pregnant woman, not to talk of his pregnant wife?

Response

Before I pronounce you a victim of domestic violence, it is important to understand what was the tone of your argument between you and your husband? Two points came to mind on this issue and I pray that you read this with an open mind and with a will to learn and make corrections where necessary.

The first thing I want to say is that it is your responsibility to avoid arguments with your husband. Roman 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone," the first person of everyone should be your spouse. So you should make every effort to live at peace first with your spouse and then everyone.

The secret to making this happen is prayers, and your prayer focus should be that the Lord will inhabit your husband’s life and make your husband’s life His dwelling place. You will also pray that the Lord should take over your husband’s senses and his reasoning ability such that whatever decisions your husband makes will be decisions that God made for you through your husband. When you have prayed this prayer, and you believe that God hears and answers prayers, you will then begin to submit to your husband knowing that your submission to your husband is submission to God who resides in your husband and controls all the activities of his life.

When you do this, you will seldom have a course to argue with your husband, not to talk of having an argument that will lead to him beating you black and blue.

Proverbs 17:28

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 18:2, 6

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

A fool’s lips brings him strife, and his mouth invites a beating

Proverbs 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

The biggest mistake you made that I believe resulted in the beating is you trying to prove your point. I can tell you for free that that is not necessary and so uncalled for. Quite a number of people will advise you to speak up so you are not taken for a fool, but in truth it’s the other way round. Silence in the face of argument makes you wise and not foolish. The Bible says that “a fool’s lips brings him strife and his mouth invites beating for him.” This I am tempted to say might be the case in your situation.

I am not in any way excusing your husband’s barbaric and heartless outpour of rage and anger, but it would have been better if he didn’t have you as an excuse to be sinfully foolish. God says he hates a violent man (Malachi 2:16) and your husband would have exonerated himself by avoiding temptation by giving his emotions the power to control his actions. But that said it’s a solution we seek and its solution will find in Jesus name.

This is not a situation that cannot be changed if you and your husband are willing to do what is right. I with plead with you to forgive your husband and then work for the success of your marriage. It is great wisdom if as a wife you understand the times and know when to pray rather than talk. So far you have applied the technique of talking and proving your point in solving issues with your husband and what has resulted from that is beating so it is important to try another method for a more positive result. Pray and pray and pray. Pray for him and pray to always get a positive response from him.

When you have an issue to sort out with your husband, if he demands an explanation, give him an explanation otherwise just be quiet. If he is doing something that you are not pleased with, pray about it, and then speak with him about it in a manner that will fetch you a positive response. Check your husband’s mood before presenting your grievances and always keep your emotions in check when you are upset. Avoid speaking to your husband when you are angry. Always pray and apply wisdom. May the Lord bless your home in Jesus name.  

What is Most Important to You in Marriage? Love, Trust, Time or Sex (4)

Hello wonderful prince and princesses of the greatest King of all, I really thank God for our lives and the grace to be among the living today. It’s always so easy to take God for granted for His grace and goodness in our lives, but when we encounter someone who is in dear need of what we count as ordinary and of no consequences, it humbles us and makes us realize how favored we are to be so blessed by God. But I urge you not to wait for that encounter that will force you to your knees before thanking God for His goodness and mercy in your lives.

I want to apologize for taking two days off, there has been some domestic issues that I urgently needed to pay attention to or should I say that, these issues have been causing some form of distractions in my life, but I bless God that I have been able to sort them out and to the glory of God I am back to serve God and serve you.

So we will look at the last of the four elements we have been considering in order to determine which is most important for the success of our individual marriage. So far we have looked at the role of love, trust and time in marriage and lastly we will look at the role of sex in marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

This is my favorite Scripture when I have to write about sex and marriage, and this is so because just these three verses of scripture are loaded with information that is vital for the success of marriage.

Paul describes sex in marriage as a marital duty from a husband to his wife and from a wife to her husband, and I am so smiling now, wondering how such a relaxing and love and pleasure loaded activity can actually be a duty. But that is just how good and stressless God is to us His children. So the first thing to know about sex in marriage is that it is a duty that must be fulfilled, with no excuse except for the purpose of devoting oneself to prayer and it must be for a short period of time and with mutual consent.

But sex plays other vital roles in marriage asides being a marital duty. Sex in marriage helps to foster communication in marriage. I can’t imagine a husband and wife who would engage in sexual relationship and still get to keep malice with each other. It’s almost not possible.

Sex in marriage is a very convenient way for couples to settle quarrels and mend fences of misunderstandings between them without words. They don’t have to determine who is right or wrong, they don’t even have to apologize, once they get together apology takes the form of action and not words.

I really do understand and appreciate God when He instructed through Paul that the man and his wife should not deprive one another except for mutual consent. This is so that a lot of unhealthy gap in the marriage can be closed up effortlessly and communication can flow smoothly between the husband and his wife and bond of unity between them should remain strong and unshaken.

It’s very bad to sex-starve your spouse, be it that you are the wife or the husband. You are not teaching any lesson or making any point or promoting love and unity in your marriage by sex-starving your spouse. You are only committing a sin by depriving your spouse of your body when God says you should not and if for any reason your spouse engages in extra-marital affairs, you would have caused him/her to sin too.

If you have any issue with your spouse settle it first on your knees, then settle it with a right attitude and crown it all with a gentle and loving talk where you let your spouse know that he/she has done wrong. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

So we have looked at all four elements under consideration we think each one would prefer to have for their marriage to be successful. We have looked at love, trust, time and sex. I want to state that the success of a marriage is not limited to just these four elements. As a matter of fact money as broken a lot of homes; some people regard money as very vital for the success of a marriage. Some others are very mindful of home-keep and food; some men get irritated by a wife who cannot cook good food or take proper or adequate care of the home.

But for me, I desire a total package; I desire love, trust, time and sex for my marriage to function the way I want it to. But for me to desire all these and more, I should be ready to give all these and more. Like I understand marriage to be, it’s what I invest in it that I will reap from it, and what I will reap from it comes in multiples of what I have invested in it. And when the yield is not as expected, I pray and let God lead me to areas of my marital life where adjustments are required and then He fixes the rest.

In this same manner, whatever you think is vital in your marriage is what you need to put in it the most. If you want the love most, then you give the love most and whatever you give comes to you in multiple fold of what you put in. You then need to settle down and think this matter through properly as you take your pick. May the Lord bless our marriages in Jesus name.