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Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues.

I woke up this morning trusting God on the topic to write about for today's post. Didn't really want to discuss marriage as I have written extensively on that topic in this month alone. But then this topic just keeps coming to mind and I believe there is a seed the Lord will want me to sow in the life and marriage of someone somewhere that will make a positive difference. 
Because this is a Christian based blog and the principles of lifestyle projected from this blog is totally and wholly based on the teachings of the word of God in the Bible, I will inject very few Bible passages, but most of what will be discussed will be based on our everyday practical life in our marriages and homes. 
Going by the events the world over, we will notice the sharp increase in marital issues, the divorce rate is so interestingly skyrocketing, spouses killing each other and violence in the home as become a common occurrence that it does not sound strange or absurd any longer. And if there is any institution where satan is beginning to thrive, then I will say it's in the homes and marriages. Even in Christian homes the situation is not totally different. But God will surely frustrate his plot. 
In my previous posts we have learnt a lot about God's rules for the man and wife in marriage and we know that by the grace of God if we are able to abide by these rules we will have a successful and peaceful home. I always run with this slogan for marriage and it says "Marriage is to be enjoy and not endured," your marriage is suppose to be like a land flowing with milk and honey and not a land of misery or a battle ground. 

Going Practical

Sometimes we feel that Bible talks are just theoretical and not practical, it is much easier to read the lines that says "wives submit to your husband in everything as unto God," than to actually practice what it says. Well that is very true but not impossible. Whether you choose to obey the words of the Bible or not is a decision that one needs to make and be ready to enjoy the benefit of obedience or face the consequences of disobedience.
I once counselled someone on the phone who was in an abusive marriage and is a Christian, she was on the verge of loosing her head as she had been enduring the situation for over 10years. She got my number from my website and gave a me call. One of the first inquiry she made was to know if I had been in an abusive marriage and had overcomed it, for me to be qualified to speak to her. I confirmed that once I was in an abusive and miserable marriage. I was drained of hope in that marriage, but now I am most joyful in the same marriage, with my husband who was once a very short tempered and aggressive fellow now my very best friend and my love.
I didn't attain this much peace, calm and joy in my marriage just by chance, it took a lot of hard work on self control, submission and prayers. I was lucky enough that my husband didn't attempt harmful objects on me back then, but I will not tell you he didn't get physical with me at some point. But that same man of many years is still my husband now, but a new, loving, caring husband and father. This was possible because I was able to let God hold my hands and lead me through the storm. I took steps when He asked me to and was still when He told me to be still.
In as much as I will not exonerate the men or stripe them of any blame in a faulty marriage, I will like to tell the woman who has the fear of God that she has a lot of work to do in the success of her home. Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." It is the woman that has been saddled with the responsibility to build the home and this responsibility is delegated by God to her and not by her husband and it is to God she will report.
Some of the personal lessons I learnt in my marriage like I said earlier is self-control. The grace to be wrong when you know that you are right, the grace to submit even when you know that the one whom you are submitting to is on the wrong. God never asked us to submit to our believing husbands alone, or the good husband alone, but to submit to your husband(unclassified) in everything. So whether he is a believer or not, whether he is good or bad, whether he is wrong or right, you are to submit. 
Sarah submitted to Abraham when he told her to lie of her status as his wife, and was then taken to be wife to king Abimelech in Genesis 20, and the Abigail was still very much supportive of her mean and surly husband Nabal in 1 Samuel 25. Your role as a wife is not determined or subject to the response of your husband, even though his attitude will go a long way in helping you perform your role effectively. Don't bother to seek gratitude from your husband for what God has assigned you to do irrespective of the fact that he benefits from the role you are playing. Seek gratitude and that nod of well-done my child from God. 
Other than to submit to my husband, I learnt the lesson of keeping quiet and letting my opinion go unheard. Whatever my husband said then was always fine by me, even though they were actually mostly never fine. Whatever I wanted done and in whatever manner I wanted it done, I prayed about it. I learnt to commit all to God. It was not easy I must say, but I found grace and abundant grace I must say from the throne of God. Whenever a discussion was heading towards an argument I knew it was time to withdraw. At all times I was always praying, even when talking to my husband, I was praying deep in my heart. I still tell people today that a submissive wife who is not prayerful is like one with a substance but lacks power.
In recent times when I am having a heart to heart discussion with my husband, he always tells me how proud he was of me. And then says one thing that changed him the most was my patience and bearing attitude back then in those negative years. And then I will remember that Peter said in 1 Peter 3 that it is the purity and reverence in the lives of the wives that God uses to win over the unbelieving husband. If your husband is still as bad, then you need to let the light of Christ in you shine the more to kill every darkness in his life .
Sometimes we wives always want to burden ourselves with the search for reasons why our husbands are not the best that God can give. Well in truth they are the best if you can through the goodness of God in your life wash off every dirt covering the preciousness of God in their lives. 
In my own marital trying times I must tell you that I was hurting, I really hurt so bad, I was most miserable and I contemplated divorce on very many occasions. I asked God questions that I didn't get answers to. I could not fathom what it was that turned my husband to an uncaring monster. I searched my life to see if it was what I did or didn't do that was the reason for him been the way he was and I asked him that much. I didn't find any fault in me and he also didn't accuse me of anything, but yet he was as he was. 
So then I got the revelation that I am a suitable help meet (fit) for his life and placed in his life by God. I then realized that this my husband needs help and I am the one assigned by God to help him, even though I am the one on the receiving end of negative attitude. I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that with my level of relationship with God, divorce or separation was not an option to consider. So I decided to put my hands in God's hands and start to do what I needed to do. Those who sow in tears will surely reap in joy.
In the midst of all this, you need to be of good composure, look your best for your husband. Never wear your problems on your face. It is very dangerous to harbour hatred for yourself, because if you harbour hatred for your husband, you harbour hatred for yourself, since the Bible says you are no longer two but one. Never look for solutions in your husband, he is the problem and not the solution and he needs a solution. That is why God has placed you in his life to seek out the solution for him. The source of the solution lies in God through you in your right attitude, purity and reverence. Just like all other works, building a master piece of a home takes hard work. The woman should work at it as if her life depends on it because it truth it does. 
For so many reasons you need to work at building a master piece of a home, first that you might enjoy peace, then that you might be able to raise godly offspring in a godly home and lastly that you might make a big and positive impact in the life of your husband that he will be grateful to you for. 

You can also get the ebook "Marriage God's Rules of Engagement."


  1. Wow, you have truly been living out Christ-likeness. And, He has made a beautiful masterpiece of your life. Your words are an inspiration and such a blessing. God is GOOD, and His SON is AMAZING!!! Hallelujiah!

  2. so nyce practical shape to move big.
    Lord Jesus blessed

  3. Thanks for this article. Am going through a similar situation that you have been through and still not arrived at where you have. It seems like your article was redirected only for me sister. You have spurred me to go on....and continue to look forward to the Lord doing great things. Value your prayers too.

    1. I am so sorry you are getting this reply late. I have had my hands full recently trying to upload my books on Amazon website for sales and distribution. I hope you forgive me. The Lord is not a partial God, if He did it for me, then He'll surely do yours in Jesus Name. Once you've been able to give yourself to submission and prayers, just leave all else for God to handle. I am praying for you and in Jesus Name you will have a beautiful marriage and home as a masterpiece for all to see. Don't give up on God. You are not built to break and the Lord will not allow you to be tempted more than you can bear. He will pull you through it in Jesus name.