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Monday, 29 April 2013

Building a Peaceful Marriage (Stories That Teach)

The story that I am sharing in today's post is a true life story of about one of the many issues we face in our marital life. This story is one of the few stories shared on my webstite It is a story that we need to learn from to help us build a masterpiece of a home in marriage. Please read, enjoy and learn from it.

The Issue:

For me marriage is a thing of misery more than the joy you have been describing it to be. I am married with children but happiness is a far fetched luxury for me. My major problem in marriage is my mother-in-law and even though I will not ascribe all the problems in my marriage to her, but will say she is the genesis of most of my woes. My husband is an only child since his brother was shot dead by unknown gunmen. And so my husband has become the heartbeat of his mother who is also a widow. We live in the same building with my mother-in-law for reasons I am yet to come to terms with. My husband had a good paying job, but just a few years back he lost his job and his mother was able to convince him not to bother looking for another job but rather join her in managing the family business and since then our financial life has been a reek as we now live off the crumbs that falls off my mother-in-law’s table. My relationship with my husband has now become so estranged; he now drinks a lot, engages in extra-marital affairs and just what his mother says is law in my home. I am just managing to hang on to the marriage, I am seriously contemplating a divorce. I have prayed, gone for deliverance session to no avail. What beats me in all these is that my mother-in-law has a church that she pastors and runs, so she also carries on the spiritual head of my husband’s life and invariably my home. I am lost, I am confused and drained, I don't even know what to make of my miserable life. The only hope I have resides in my children and I don't know how far that can carry me. To crown all of my problems, I do not have a job or a means to earn income, truly I am suffering.   


One truth that remains unchanged is that the Lord will not tempt you more than you can bear, and for every challenge that you face in life, with God there is always a means of escape. Let this truth remain at the focus of your life and knowing that even though tears may last for a night there is always joy in the morning. In this situation I believe the Lord will want to begin his renewal mission starting with you. From all that you have said, it appears you don't have any fault in the matter, but one question I need you to ask yourself deeply is: what is your relationship with God like? At this point you need to make a very important and acceptable sacrifice to the Lord requisite to the healing of your life and home, this sacrifice is first necessary in dealing with your life and then moves on to renew your  marriage. This sacrifice is found in Psalm 51:16-17 “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I will bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifice of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.” The offering of this sacrifice as stated in Psalm 51 precede all that the Lord will do in your home and your life. It is true that you have prayed hard, but the Lord sees beyond our prayers and searches the deep things of our heart. The prayer of a sinner the Bible says is an abomination to God and so what you carry within you as you go on to pray matters a lot. If you abhor impurity in you, those your prayers, plenty and hard as they may seem have absolutely no effect. I know for sure you are hurting and your life feels like a misery, but you need to be broken before the Lord and let God wage war against your challenges. You need come before the Lord with a broken spirit and a contrite heart; you need to give God free access into your life to deal with every form of sin and every inclination towards sin in your life, including the sin of hatred. Sin hinders prayer and that you need to let go off in order to pray effectively. Indeed you have every reason humanly conceivable to be resentful towards your husband and his mother but that will not help you in this situation. The Bible says we live in the world, but we are not off the world, this is the time to display heavenly traits that shows you off as a child of God, and show LOVE and care towards your husband even in the midst of his hostility towards you. The Bible says if you only love those who love you, and you hate those who hate you, then you are not different from the tax collectors. The test you need to pass in order to be certified a child of God is to be able to love in the midst of hostility (Matthew 5:44-48). This might appear as a tough thing to do but the Lord will grant you the grace to live right according to His will.  In Matthew 6:9 the Lord Jesus taught us to pray asking the Lord to forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us and in verse 14 He said “for if we forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you.” Forgiving your husband plays a very important rule in the healing of your home as it plays a part in your sacrifice of brokenness before God required for effective prayers and also in your assignment as a suitable help in the deliverance of your husband’s life.  This is not a problem that the Lord cannot handle and pull you through it such that you will smile again. Despite all that you are going, you still need to submit to your husband, 1 Peter 3:1-2 reads “Wives be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives.” The Lord will cause your purity to shine forth like gold that draws your husband to the Lord and rekindle his love for you. Your husband has given in to some wrong advises and decisions which obviously has caused a sense of regret and inadequacy in him and he does not know how to handle it and so he has taken to the street, living life in a carefree manner. At this point, he wants to just drown his misery and the frustration he feels, he can only take it out on you as his wife. So you are both to help him recovery from his misery and still absorb the shock of his frustrations. Indeed as a woman you are built by God to accommodate it all. The shock you have to absorb should create in you a sense of urgency to need and want to help your husband  rather than create hatred and resentment for him. Your problem solving role starts with you connecting firmly with God with a broken and contrite heart, ask the Lord to help you live above sin and any inclination of sin capable of hindering your prayers. Pray to God for a life of righteousness and holiness and as God helps you to conquer and live above sin, you then start to step in for your husband and children. 1 Corinthians 7:14 says “the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through the believing wife,” so you see that your righteousness plays a role in the sanctification of your husband. And so you understand why I said the healing starts with you. Gradually as you remain steadfast in the Lord with your effective prayers and right attitude in submission, purity and reverence to your husband, you will gradually start to see positive changes in him and your home will soon become a haven for your family. With you and your husband in good standing your mother-in-law will not pose a problem again. But with her also you need to show her respect and give her the honour due to her. God has instructed that we respect and honour our parents and that includes your parents-in-law. Romans 13:7 says “give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if you owe revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honour, then honour. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another for he who loves his fellow-man has fulfilled the law.” In the bid to fulfill the requirements of God, you need to love your mother-in-law, honour and respect her. If she is still hostile to you, then she has God to contend with. Romans 12:14 says “bless those who prosecute you; bless and do not curse.” Again Romans 12:17-19 says “do not repay evil with evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘it is mine to avenge; I will repay’ says the Lord.” The things you have learnt from these passages should be your guiding principle as you relate with your mother-in-law and I assure you they will yield positive results to the glory of God. As you serve God diligently I am positive the Lord will not leave out your financial problems; as He restores your home, He will surely restore your finances as He is the God that rewards those who diligently seek Him. Once you have firmly connected with God there are bound to be testimonies. I know you feel drained and well spent, but the journey to a beautiful home is just beginning. Like the story of Elijah in 1 kings 19:1-8, you have contended with your struggles enough, now is the time to eat the Lord’s food which is the word of God and get strength for the work ahead of you. Make your Bible your closest companion and you will find revelations from the word of God to run with to victory.  

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