A Comparison Between Your Spouse And Your Children

It's a good and blessed feeling to be able to share the truth of the word of God again this beautiful day. I appreciate God for His word that is unending on this blog site and I appreciate you who take your time to drop by to read and part-take of the grace of God shared on this blog site.
On two different occasions I have had this question asked me and also on a forum where I belong and so today I am trusting God to help shed a little light on it. And the question is: "If I am asked to choose between my husband and my children, who will I choose? My response to this question is that between my husband and children, there has never been a basis for comparison. My husband and children hold different places in my life and my God given assignment in my husband's life and that of my children are distinctively different.
For the benefit of those who are yet to understand the difference or have resorted to using their children to fill in the vacuum created by a deficiency in their marriage, we need to go back to the origin of marriage and see how things should be.

Genesis 2:18, 20b-25
Then the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of the man."
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The man and his wife where both naked, and they felt no shame. 

Psalm 127:3-5
Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. 
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. 

Malachi 2:15
Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

In order to have a better understanding of our life's purpose in relations to our spouse and children, we'll consider what God has assigned us to do for our spouse and children respectively. Marriage did not start with the children and does not also end with the children. So the children cannot be compared to any spouse in marriage. The Lord God Almighty realised that it was not good for the man to be alone and so He created a helper for him in his wife and not children. The Lord made the woman who is the wife to the husband from the rib extract  from the husband's rib that she might effectively help and support the man in what God has assigned him to do.
By reason of the fact that the wife was made from the rib taken out of her husband automatically makes her one with her husband and so the man and his wife and united as one entity in flesh and in spirit before God and man. So if there is a vacuum in the life of either the wife or husband, it cannot be filled by the children. The place occupied by the children in marriage is totally different and out of the ideal marriage picture. A marriage covenant ends when either of the spouse dies. Before God not even divorce is strong enough to end a marriage covenant as God says He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The death of a child does not end a marriage covenant, only the death of any of the two principal parties namely the husband or wife ends a marriage covenant.
The wife's assignment in life given to her by God is to be a suitable helper to her husband. In fact that was the sole reason why God formed the woman. Her assignment as a mother is second to her primary assignment to be suitable helper to her husband. The man on the other hand has been given dominion over all that God created. He is to watch over and be an administrator over all that God created and this he should do with the help of his wife. The administrative assignment of the husband includes the training of his children in the way of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 reads "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." and in Malachi 2:15 God said He made the man and his wife one because He was seeking Godly offspring. So raising godly offspring is as assignment for the man with the assistance of his wife from the Lord.
In Genesis 18:19, God revealed that He chose Abraham so that he will direct his children and household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. As a man your children are part of the administrative assignment given to you by God. And this explains why Paul instructed in 1 Timothy 3:4, that a man aspiring to be an administrator over the church must first be an excellent administrator of his family. And your suitable helper in that task of administration in your family and any other front is your wife. Your wife is God assigned help in the task of administration in the home. So to the man, his wife and children are suppose to hold separate place in his life. God enabled a strong love between a father and his children for effective disciplinary purposes, such that a man can train his children right in love. The absence of love in any form of discipline and training amount to abuse, and that is not of God.
For the wife, you primary assignment on earth, in fact the sole reason why God thought up the need to create a woman is that she might be a suitable helper to her husband first before becoming a mother to her children and any other assignment given to her. You are not effectively fulfilling your purpose on earth when you allow your motherly assignment to override you role as a suitable helper.
The woman is the channel for reproduction and as such she carries a lot of attachment for the seed that germinated inside of her and grew to become a full human. The love a mother has for her child is a very deep love, and this love is to very necessary because it aids the woman need in nursing her baby to maturity. The tender care that a baby needs to grow can only come from the deep love of a mother. This love necessitates an urgency in the mother to watch over and give the necessary care to her children, but this love is not there to replace the love of a wife to her husband. It serves an entirely different purpose than the love you are required to have for your husband. 
For some with issues in their marriages and have resolved to fill the vacuum in their lives with the love of their children, well I will say that this love does not fit in the space. And this trend my lead to the parents been overbearing in the lives of their children, which might it turn lead to the children not growing up to fit into their adult responsibilities as they have grown to be overdependent on their parents or the children becoming rebellion in the bid to free themselves from the overbearing control of the parent/s.
In the issue of marriage and the home there is a need for a balance. You are a husband or wife to your spouse, and still a mother of father to your child/children. In the same you resides the sister or brother to your siblings and a child to your parents. But in all these, there is the need for a balance. As a wife your first responsibility is to your husband in all of the relationship that God has laid your path. And as a husband your first focus is your wife, she houses God's favour in your life. All other relationships though important, are secondary in the hierarchy of priority in your life. It is very important that a man loves his children and also very important that a mother have deep love for the seed she bore, but this love does not override or replace the love of a husband to his wife or a wife to her husband. May the living God help us understand this better in Jesus Name.