The Tiny Spark

It’s no gain saying that many people have entered into grievous trouble simply by the words of their mouth and in the same manner, quite a number of people have received huge favors for their lives simply by the fruit of their mouth. A man looking for a job will either get employed or turned down by the product of his mouth. What he says at the job interview before the panel will determine whether he gets the job or not. In the same manner, the life and death of a marriage is closely tied to the product of our mouths. There are a lot of times that a spouse will be going through domestic violence in marriage not as a result of physical abuse, but as a result of emotional abuse resulting from the product of the mouth. As a matter of fact a lot of physical abuse in marriage originated from verbal abuse which also is the product of the mouth and so the Bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 18:6, 7

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.

A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat it’s fruit.

James3:2, 5-6, 9-10

We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body.

Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

If I don’t write anything more asides these Bible passages, I am sure the message would have been passed, but so that we really appreciate the impact of our tongue on the outcome of our marriages I will try to put in some explanation.

Marriage is like a venture that you invest in, what you put into it, is what you get out of it in multiple folds whether you are the husband or the wife. Now we are learning from Proverbs 16:24 that pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones; the more you want to harvest the fruits of pleasant words from your marriage, the more you invest pleasant words into that marriage. But you will only be on a mission of self deceit if you believe that when you invest cruel words in your marriage, pleasant words will come back to you. Do not be fooled.

Then another angle to look at this issue from is that when fire is burning, it is put off with water. Fire is hot and water is cold. For a man who wants to do the will of God and succeed, you don’t repay cruelty or cruel words with another cruel word or cruel action. Rather than such a marriage to thrive, it burns out and dies. When your spouse hits you with cruel words and you respond with pleasant word, you get a pleasant reward from God for the wisdom you have applied while your spouse gets a reward fitting for his/her cruel words from God Who is a constant witness and judge over your marriage. The continuous pour of your own pleasant words into that marriage erodes the cruel words of your spouse and soon you see in him/her a changed person whose cruelty has been killed by your kindness and love and he/she also learns to speak pleasantly. Your pleasant words will then be yielding for you pleasant words even from your spouse.

The volume of water you require to quench a fire depends on the magnitude of the fire. Small fire would require small amount of water and huge fire would require large volumes of water. So the pleasant words you require to quench the cruelty of words from your spouse depends on how cruel he/she is. The more the cruelty, the more the pleasant words that should come from you to him/her. Don’t wait for your spouse to tender an apology; you, who know to seek the peace and prosperity of your home and marriage should work for it more. Over time, the apologies will come pouring in.

Then one thing we need to understand is that what we say with our mouths, good or bad, carry a lot of weight. Remember the power of life and death is in the tongue. What you confess with your mouth over the life of your spouse will find a means of manifestation in his/her life. You cannot call your spouse a fool and still expect him/her to act wisely. If you have called him/her a fool then you should expect only foolish acts from him/her. Even if he/she will act wisely to everyone else, when it comes to you, he will be a fool because that is what you have called him/her. In the same manner, if you call your spouse lazy, wicked, mean, these words will always find a means to manifest and so it is important that we are guide the words of our mouth in marriage. When your spouse is not fulfilling his/her responsibility in marriage, pray for such a spouse. Hand him/her over to God who is able to do in the life your spouse what you or your negative out-pour over his/her life can do. And with faith in God, it won't be long before you start to see the changes you desire manifest in the life of your spouse with God at work and with your cooperation intact. 

When you bless your spouse with the words that you speak to him/her and over his/her life, you will see blessings manifest in his/her life and indeed you will be a part-taker of that same blessing because you and your spouse are one in flesh and spirit before God. And in the same manner when all that comes out of your mouth to your spouse are curses, you will also part-take of the curse because you and your spouse are one in flesh and spirit before God.

The Bible says we are allowed to be angry, but in our anger we should avoid sin. The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it eat its fruit. What fruits are you eating from the produce of your tongue? Are they sweet fruits like the honeycomb, or bitter/soar fruits? Whatever it is, you need to know that what you put in is what comes out for you. You can build your marriage on the foundation of pleasant and encouraging words, and you can kill it and pull it down by cruel and cursed words. If you want sweetness, sow sweetness, beginning with pleasant words.  

It's important that you get this book brought to you in very good shape, and so the link to the book has been withdrawn just to dot some Is and cross some Ts. But by the grace of God we are still working. And "The Marriage Handbook" is truly worth waiting for.