Some Challenges in Marriage Can Be Overwhelming

I bless the Lord for the grace to see another month. It can only be God who has helped us this far and we trust Him to see us through to the end, believing that He who began a good work in us is faithful to complete it in Jesus name.

I got a message concerning a wife in a troubled marriage and was asked to advice on how she can handle those challenges in her marriage. I am actually sharing this on the blog because I have read a similar story on a social media group that I belong to and I think it’s a situation that we can learn from. This is not a situation peculiar to just one person and for those facing similar challenges I pray you find strength for victory.

Ma, I keep seeing my mum’s elder sister in the dream. My husband told me that I am fighting a blood battle and that they are willing to kill or destroy who tries to help me. He says he can help me, though he does not want to help me because he is not ready to go or pray extra-mile to help me. He said he can’t sacrifice that. He also said if not that he likes me he would have sent me packing a long time ago because he doesn't want problems because of me. He said he cannot tell me all that it entails but I have to cut off everybody in my family except my twin brother that we are to fight the battle together. He said I have made a covenant unknowingly. He said there are lots of things he sees and knows but can’t tell me that they are deep. My husband’s mother knows everything about it and was encouraging her son not to do anything with me because the prophet told them that the only solution for them is to send me packing, so if they frustrate my life I will leave. They told my husband not to pray with me. All these things my mother-in-law knows that is why she changed her attitude towards me. He tells his mum everything he does. The prophet told his mum that unless he divorces me there is no solution and that is why he is behaving that way to me. But I know that I will conquer because there is nothing God can’t do. Ma, please in this situation, what can I do? Now I can’t sit in his car or stay around him. He is running from me because his prophet told him if he wants his life he should avoid everything about me. All these things his mum is aware of because she is the one reporting the messages to him and they also go together while the prophet tells them all sorts of negative things about me. Ma, my husband and his family are running from me.

I wasn’t in the position to meet the lady with this issue in person, but the one to counsel her wanted us to discuss this together first. But like I mentioned earlier this is a situation not in isolation, there are a lot of marriages that have either been ruined or on the verge of being ruined not by the fault of the wife or even the husband but as a result of external influences that have been given room to dominate the marriage which they have absolutely no business with.

When God instituted marriage at the beginning in Genesis 2:24 the word of God says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So the first problem I see in this narration is that rather than the husband leaving father and mother and cleaving to his wife, he has left his wife to cleave to his mother. In whatever way we walk against the divine pattern of God we are invariably walking into trouble. When God said a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, the Lord was not dumb neither was He foolish. The wisdom of the Almighty God is matchless. When you follow stupidly the pattern of God you are walking into victory and success no matter how foolish the world sees you.

The father and mother have the assignment of their own marriage to work on daily till death do them part. If for any reason they begin to dominate the marriage of their children rather than just play advisory roles, then they have shifted focus from what should be paramount to them which is their own marriage, to things that do not concern them. They are operating outside the boundaries of their assignment while leaving their primary assignment unattended to.

But I sense something fishy in this narration; this wife says that her husband has been advised not to pray with her any longer and what that tells me is that unlike what she has been made to believe in this situation that she is the victim, I am of the belief that the husband is actually the victim. It is the husband that is the target for destruction in this situation whereas the wife is the hindrance in making the evil plan against him possible. And in ignorance the man is foolishly dancing into the gallery. 

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” But I like the way it is put in the NLT Bible translation, it says, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” So what these adversaries of your husband are trying to achieve is to ensure that he is standing alone when they strike, because when he is alone he can easily be defeated. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him." So what this prophet has convinced the husband to do is to erode himself of help that he will need when he falls. Note that the Bible didn't say that if one falls his mother or father can help him up, but that his friend, that suitable helper whom the Lord has provided for him ahead of any fall, can help him up when he falls. So when a prophet tells you to stay away from your wife and not to pray with her, what he is doing to you is removing that God given help from your life who has been positioned strategically in your life to help you when you fall. 

Doesn't it bother you that they say he should not even pray with you? It because they know that with God you have formed a triple-braided cord which is even better and cannot easily be broken. All those ugly tales you have been told about having to fight a blood battle and entering into a covenant unknowingly are just stories to make you loss focus from the main battle. Any prophet that tells you that divorce is the only solution to the challenge of your life is a false prophet. He is not of God. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5 that “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” God was not on vacation when you and your husband got married to each other. His presence was there bearing witness to the covenant being entered into by you and your husband as an everlasting covenant till death do you two part. Would a prophet now say that God made a mistake by permitting that marriage to take place such that He now had to change his mind to permit a divorce?

Heaven and earth will pass, but the word of God never changes and that word of God in Malachi 2:16 reads, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty.” A true prophet of God will not tell a man that to divorce his wife is the only solution to his problem when in truth God says He hates divorce.

So now that we have been able to identify some underlining issues in this situation and you have an idea of the truth about your challenges, I will advise wives going through this sort of challenge in their marriage to begin to pray. They will align with God in battle through prayer. They will not see their husbands as their enemy but as a man needing help whom the Lord has assigned to help as wife and suitable helper. They will wage war against the true enemy of their husband, their peace and their marriage.

In this warfare, know that the Bible says in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle (warfare) is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. So your warfare is not physical but spiritual. Not against your husband or even your mother-in-law, but against the forces of evil who are against your peace in marriage. And the weapons you are fighting with is not your tongue, as a matter of fact those weapons are not of this world. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4 says, these weapons have divine power to demolish strongholds. That is your weapon of prayers. The kind of weapon you fight with when you put on the whole armor of God as stated in Ephesians 6:13-19.

While at war with the true enemy of your marriage, you need to be of good behavior in your home. Perform your wifely duties with all diligence. Prayerfully submit to your husband as unto the Lord, reverence and respect him while you still pray. Do not be harsh to your mother-in-law. Battles are not won in hatred but in love. You owe her respect and honor as your mother-in-law so pray for grace from God to pay that which you owe. Remember God said we should honor our father and mother, and your mother-in-law fails within that category since you are one with your husband in flesh and spirit. But you need to call on God to keep her busy so she doesn't have spare time to interfere with your marriage which is truth is not a business. Obey the word of God for your marriage and let God handle the rest on your behalf. It is well with you in Jesus name.