What Should a Wife Do When the Support is Hard to Give

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In Genesis 2:18, God said it was not good for the man to be alone, and He would make a helper comparable to him. Another version calls her a suitable helper. And so further down in Genesis 2, we read about the making of a woman from the rib of the man, who became a wife to the man. So, this became the foundation of marriage.

From this scripture and many others in the Bible, we have determined that one of the many reasons for marriage is to provide support and care for one another. The wife was created primarily for the purpose of support, although she also has other responsibilities within the marriage.

However, I would like to share a scenario in today’s blog that requires deep thought. A woman legally marries a man, and everything appears to be in order before the marriage. A few months into the marriage, the wife got separated from her husband on the grounds of impotency.

Before we proceed, I want to note that I cannot confirm precisely whether this was the case before they got married, or if the wife was aware of the condition prior to the marriage. But what I can tell, and share, is that impotency was the reason for the separation, which eventually led to the divorce.  

If the wife is supposed to be a suitable helper to her husband, how then do we reconcile this situation where she is the one directly affected by her husband's shortfall? Is she still supposed to wait and support her husband in this situation, or is it okay for her to walk away, just as this wife has done? Let us remember that marriage is designed for “till death do us part.” Other than adultery as found in Matthew 19:9, no other grounds except for death are permitted for a divorce.

Some will argue that in a marriage with no sex, no hope of having children at some point, then there is nothing the wife is waiting to do in that marriage. And that is where we get it all wrong. The first point I want to bring forward concerns the declaration that founded marriage at its inception. And it says, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.”

So, if a man is perfect, capable, and without any need for help, then God will not have to make a suitable helper for him. Another thing that comes to mind is that God never specified the area of a man’s life where help is needed. As a wife, your assignment is not limited to a defined area of your husband’s life where you should provide help. If your husband were perfect, then you would not be needed in his life.

The situation I mentioned above does not fall within the category of death or adultery. And based on what we have seen in the Bible, it does not fall within God’s approved reason for a divorce, either. Therefore, what God expects of a wife in this situation is to remain and help. If there is a weakness in her husband’s life, which she has identified in this case, then the next step is for her to step in and help, as God has assigned her to do.

The next question that will readily come to mind is: how can she help in this situation? She may not be a doctor or a medical professional. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” A wife who is assigned to help her husband is not left without herself. If she is not a medical professional, she can at least pray to the one who can do far more than a medical professional can.

One truth remains unchanging: you cannot run a successful marriage and be the best version of yourself with your intellect. You need God, His guidance, and His Word to be successful in it. Your fervent prayer for your husband’s situation will bring about a solution, which you should approach with attentiveness and objectivity. So, you need to pray and learn to hear from God, then do what the Lord tells you to do when He instructs you.

This situation is not strange, as it has occurred a couple of times in the Bible. Abraham and Sarah had to wait many years to have a child. We were never told the reason why, but the couple stood with each other through the waiting period. Isaac and Rebekah, Samson’s parents, and Elizabeth and Zachariah are all examples of couples in the Bible who waited to conceive a child. We don’t know if it was as a result of impotency or that the womb was closed. But they didn’t walk out of the union at the sight of trouble. They stood together and won as a team.

There are many reasons why marriage was instituted, and physical intimacy is just a bonding catalyst in a marriage and an avenue for reproduction. But when we sum it up, it is not the primary reason why God instituted marriage.

In every situation and challenge, the truth remains that two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. Solomin says that if one falls, the other may lift him up. Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). This is more of a reason why God instituted marriage than for physical intimacy.

As I conclude, I would like to emphasize that there are many challenges we face from time to time, whether as individuals or as couples. Some challenges will affect the marriage, where it's either the husband against the wife, or both may be united against a common challenge. But the fact remains that two are better than one.

You don’t run away from your marriage in the face of challenges. Whether married or not, you will face challenges. No matter what it is, even in the face of impotency, you stay together, fight the challenge together, pray together, and win together because a threefold cord is not easily broken.

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