The Game Changing Wife

It’s another beautiful day and a time to share something about marriage. This is one day that I totally feel blank on what to share, so I will just let God take over and I will just be His pencil. I pray that someone where is touched by today’s message for the better to the glory of God.

Genesis 2:18-25

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.

Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called each living creature that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.”

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.  

There are so many important things to learn, understand and appreciate about the marriage union in this Bible scripture and I pray the Lord will open our understanding to see them all. The first thing that struck me in this Bible passage is that of all that God created, the birds of the air, the fish of the sea and the beasts of the field, none was found to be a suitable helper to Adam. Now we need to know and understand that marriage is not all about reproduction. God who never lacks ideas will come up with ways of replenishing the earth without the copulation of the man and woman if it was necessary to reproduce mankind outside of marriage. So, the first thing that came to the mind of God as a reason for the creation of a woman was not for reproduction but for her to be a suitable helper in the life of her husband.

If reproduction was the number one reason why God would create a woman, then He would have created her alongside Adam from the very start. So, your main purpose as a wife in the life of your husband isn’t to bear children but to be a suitable helper in his life in fulfilling all that God has called him to be.

I remember a true-life story that I was confronted with several years ago. A friend of mine who knew I was passionate about marriage issues tested me with this story.

A young Christian lady got married to a young Christian man and just after they got married, the wife discovered her husband was gay, and in two years of their marriage, not once had they made love with each other. I should not forget to add that the young lady prayed heard and was convinced she heard from God before marrying her husband.

The young lady who told me this story wanted to know my take on the matter. Her argument was that sometimes God was unfair when it comes to marriage issues. For a split second, I was confused, but I prayed in my spirit as I paused to find a response for my friend. Then the Lord dropped this scripture in my spirit and gave me a response. He said I have made her a suitable helper in the life of her husband. I didn’t give her a specific area of her husband’s life where she should come in to help him, so in every area of her husband’s life where help is needed, she is the suitable helper for him prepared and provided by God beforehand to come in and help.

And so, I told my friend with boldness, when the Lord made the woman, her purpose was to be a suitable helper in the life of her husband. God didn’t highlight for us as wives areas of concentration where we should come in and help our husbands. So to say that in every area of our husbands’ lives were helped is required and needed, God has provided us as a suitable helper to them. We are answered prayers to our husbands from God. So, in the case of this lady, the area where her husband needs help is in that evil habit of homosexuality, and that is her number one assignment in the life of her husband. To help me overcome the challenge of homosexuality and his desire for that evil sin of homosexuality that he was battling with.  

I was so sure that response was not coming from me, it was the first time I was having that revelation too. But I held on to it too dearly. It changed my total perception of marriage. It gave me a sense of duty in the life of my husband. I knew I was in his life for a purpose bigger than I thought I had. My husband had many challenges too, some of which hurt me so bad. But I began to understand that it was not about fighting him but fighting for him. It was not about demanding, but about giving. I then knew that for me to receive what I hoped for in my marriage, I needed to give more.

In those days we had trust issues between us, we had extramarital battles between us, we had the smoking habit that was irritating me to the core, my husband was temperamental (I called him a short-fused man), there was the emotional trauma between us, and I can go on and on. But then rather than condemn him like I had done earlier before that revelation came for me, I began to know that God put me in the life of my husband to be his suitable helper, to help him over the challenges he was struggling with. Those areas of his life that were his vices where the assignment I had to deal with in the life of my husband. So, I began to pray. One vice after another, I sought the Lord until I won. I stopped fighting him to change. I stopped complaining and above all, I stopped allowing those vices to build a wall between my husband and I. But I fought on my knees. I am the suitable helper in the life of my husband and God is my ever-present help in times of trouble.

And to the glory of God alone, I won all my battles over his life. All those things that I had mentioned earlier have vanished from my husband’s life. We no longer have trust issues, no extramarital concerns, abundant love between us, no smoking issues, no excessive alcohol issues, and interestingly no temper issues anymore.

When God spoke through Solomon in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord,” God knew what He was talking about. A wife who understands fully well her assignment in the life of her husband is a great asset from the Lord to the man. No wonder Solomon would say again in Proverbs 19:14 that “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord”.

So, I want to ask the wife reading this, do you really know why you are in the life of your husband? Do you understand why God made you his wife? Have you been able to highlight the shortfalls in your husband’s life? What are you doing about them? Do you know that you are God’s game-changing agent in the life of your husband? You are God’s favor to him in bodily form. Are you now performing your assignment in his life or you are waiting for him to change without any contribution from you?

To be God’s change agent in the life of your husband has nothing to do with you but everything to do with God. But you are there to be at the altar of prayer always on behalf of your husband. You are there to listen and receive from God before acting on behalf of your husband. You can’t succeed based on your own understanding or intellect, not even based on your ability. In this assignment, you will need to rely fully on God and act based on His leading alone. Then you will be a game changer in your husband’s life. You will be that one person that will bring good tidings to him always such that he will say to you “I am nothing without you.” I hear that all the time from my husband and it gladdens my hearts greatly. It’s like my scorecard that tells me by following God on the issues of my marriage I have done very well. 
Hearing that from my husband isn't about being the breadwinner of the family. What my husband has to his name is still a tall dream for me. So I am not receiving the praise because I dull out money to him. So don't think as a wife that spending your life's income on your husband is what will fetch you the praise and love you seek in your marriage. It's a little more than that. People who see your husband succeed in life will also score you high. It all comes with the package. "Behind every successful man is his wife" my own version. And don't think your husband will succeed alone, it's a total package. There is the exalted place for the president and just as exalted is the seat of the "First Lady." Just as the president is escorted by guards and protocols, so is the "First Lady" is accompanied by the crowd and huge protocol. Your labor in the life of your husband is worth it all.  

You need to hear your husband say to you "I am nothing without you" to understand the beauty of it been said to you. But you also need to work the work that brings the praise.

So, in my next post, we will look at more things to learn from that one scripture that I just shared.