Your Marriage & Sex

Hello beautiful people, how are we all doing? I am positive that to the glory of God we are doing very great. In our lives and our deeds, may the name of the Lord be praised always in Jesus name.

So, we look at one very important aspect of marriage in today’s blog post, and that very important aspect of marriage is sex. I have written about sex in marriage several times on this blog, but sincerely its one of the issues I discovered is causing breakups in marriages and so we need to keep looking at it over and over again until we kill its negative effect in our marital lives.

It is quite interesting to find out that the issue of sex in marriage has a reference in the Bible, and so we will look at what God says about it.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Now for matters you wrote about: It is good for the man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:15-20

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in public squares?

Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountains be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?

It is quite interesting the deep things that can be found in the word of God, and I can tell you for free that these Bible passages above have helped save my marriage in no small measure. One truth that we should always know is that sex in marriage is very vital. It’s a catalyst that helps enhance the bonding of the man and his wife. It is very good if it is used within the confines of marriage that it is meant for.

As a married woman, I will say that sex in marriage has the capacity to break the unhealthy barriers of lack of communication, it helps bring about the closeness between the man and his wife. It relaxes unhealthy tension between married couples, it’s a very good way of settling arguments and quarrels between the man and his wife without having a winner or loser, as a matter of fact, without spoken words. It is the unspoken expression of what a man feels towards his wife and what the wife feels towards her husband. It is a very effective tool in the hands of God to bring about what He has said concerning the man and his wife (Genesis 2:24: “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”).

Paul says it is a duty in marriage. And I will call a responsibility that the husband owes to the wife and the wife owes to her husband. Sex in marriage should not be an avenue by which a husband punishes his wife or a tool with which a wife punishes her husband. Doing that is against the will, plan and purpose of God for your marriage. Paul says the man and his wife should not deprive one another except for mutual consent and for a time. So if you deprive your spouse of sex and cause him or her to become an adulterer or adulteress, then you have committed a sin as much as the one who has committed the adultery because you have disobeyed the word of God which says “Do not deprive one another.”

But more importantly is how we speak the language of sex in marriage. Some women believe it's demeaning to be the one to initiate sex in marriage so as not to be seen as immoral or loss in values. In my time of reading the Bible, I have not read anything like that. I am yet to come across anywhere in the Bible where it reads that a wife should not seek sex from her own husband. Paul said, a wife’s body does not belong to her alone but to her husband and likewise the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. So, you have as much right over your husband’s body as he has over your body. Sexual desire is an inbuilt element that God placed inside of us. It is nature’s call, just like you sneeze, pass urine and pass feces. So there is no sin in expressing your desire for sex as long as it remains within the confines of marriage and expressed towards your God-ordained husband alone. Don't kill that desire for sex because you have been brainwashed to think you will look cheap to your husband if you do so. Express it and let it flow, it’s on an assignment to make your marriage better.

Still, on the language of sex in marriage, it is very true that sex should only be within the confines of marriage, and so it is expected that the man and his wife should be illiterates in this knowledge until after marriage. The way and manner couples handle sex with the first experience tell a lot about how sex is perceived after that first experience. As a woman, I know that the first experience comes with great pain, so it is important for the husband to know and appreciate and handle this experience with great care. The beauty of sex in marriage is that both couples should seek the pleasure of their spouse above themselves and when this is the case both will find fulfillment and pleasure in the act. Never make assumptions above sex in marriage and never use coded language with the thought that your spouse should be able to decode what you are trying to communicate because chances are there that he/she might not decode, and this may lead to frustration. Coded language will only work if you two have explained the terms and learned the codes and how to decode amongst yourself beforehand. The Bible says the husband and the wife were both naked and they felt no shame. So, there is no shame in marriage, and if there is no shame in marriage there should be little or no coded communication between a husband and his wife unless there is an external person present who they do not want to know what they are communicating among themselves.
Then another bothering issue about sex in marriage is some interesting mindset about positioning or should I say sex styles. First I will say that sex is reserved for marriage alone. And secondly, I will say that I have not come across anywhere in the Bible were a prescribed sex style between the married couple is stated. The important thing about sex is not the positioning or style, but the satisfaction and pleasure derived from it and the bonding it facilitates between married couples. 

And just before I close on this, I want to say a little about catalyst of sex in marriage, those things that we should do that can help promote sex in marriage. And the number one of these things is personal hygiene. Unless your spouse lacks the ability to smell, I will say that beautiful smell attracts, and foul smell repels. So, it’s important for the husband and wife to invest well in smelling good. Always make every effort to prevent offensive smell coming from you. Sex in marriage is not restricted to bedtimes only, so at all times, one should be ready. Remember that your body does not belong to you alone but also to your spouse. If you will not take care of your body for you, then take care of it for your spouse. Bad breath and sweaty smelly body should always be taken care of. Invest in mouthwash, sugarless minty chewing gums. Body spray and deodorants are essentials in marriage. The beauty of these is that other than helping boost your marital sex life, it gives you confidence and helps build your self-esteem.

Sex should not be the killer of your marriage, rather it should help build it up. Invest in it and enjoy the dividend that comes with the investment. If you still have issues about the sex life of your marriage, then pray about it and commit it to God. God is willing and able to handle that aspect of your life too, He handled it for me and so I know He can do it for you too.