Blueprint for a Successful Marriage

 

I will be shaking some tables in today’s blog. I do not intend to be judgmental, but I hope what I discuss in today’s blog will help someone. I have spent the last couple of minutes going through YouTube reels on my phone just as a form of resting, and the volume of marriage talks, workshops, and sermons I saw is quite interesting. One would think that blissful marriages would trend with so much being said about marriages. But honestly, that is not the case. So, we will discuss one of my perceived reasons why we still struggle in marriages.

I have observed that many marriages are now being modeled around the environment in which the couples reside, more than the Bible standard. In the regions and places where women are more privileged and favored, marriages are dominated and controlled by women. It is more like saying the woman becomes the head of the home. What they say is law. And in regions and places where the men are more privileged and favored, the men are the lord and master. The women there have no voice. They are subjected to the code of forced submission, and how they feel does not matter. If, by chance, the couple finds themselves changing regions, the call for vengeance is almost inevitable as the one favored by the new environment is quick to want to take back a pound of flesh.

One truth to bear in mind as you enter into marriage is that God, who instituted marriage, established the institution with standards and rules that are not subject to your environment or culture. I would always say that the biggest enemy of marriage is TRADITION. Any tradition or norm that runs contrary to Bible standards is a big enemy of your marriage, and you will do yourself a lot of good by throwing such tradition out of your life.

For any marriage to succeed, and when I say succeed, I don’t mean being miserable in your marriage and telling yourself you must stay there either out of shame, to avoid stigma, for your children, or whatever reason you give to throw your peace away; I mean enjoying and genuinely having a proper good marriage, you need to do it God’s way. You can only get a good marriage devoid of pretense or hidden hatred by following God’s blueprint for marriage.  

This blueprint is just as simple: husband, love your wife as Christ loves the church; love your wife as yourself (Ephesians 3:25-29, Colossians 3:19). This love does not change no matter the environment or region you find yourself in. It does not change even when your wife changes. It is a love modeled in the pattern in which Christ loves the church. The love is unconditionally giving. It is not restricted to you financially providing for your wife; it is not an economy-based love. It does not blame, it does not revenge; in fact, it is not punitive. It is a love that keeps loving. I pray that God will enable the husbands to know this is a huge issue. Marriage is not transactional. It is not a 50-50 relationship. It is a 100% forever business. We read in 1 Peter 3:7 and Malachi 2:13-15 the consequences of default.

However, the first spouse to receive an instruction from God when it comes to marriage is the wife (Ephesians 3:22-24, Colossians 3:18). The instruction says to submit to your husband as unto the Lord. So, the model for the wife is that just as she would submit to God, she is supposed to give the same level of submission to her husband. The submission spoken about in Ephesians and Colossians is not forced or demanded by the husband; it is God asking the wife to willingly yield herself to her husband's authority just as she will willingly yield herself to the authority of God. The submission is not conditional; otherwise, the Bible would have stated so. Although, as a woman myself, I understand this can be tough. Based on my experience, I can confidently say that submission can sometimes be demanding. Still, it is the one powerful tool a wife has at her disposal that, if well used, can take her very far in building a successful marriage.

These marriage rules are not territorial; they are not culturally based. They don’t change even when your environment changes, and nothing guarantees a beautiful marriage as much as when the married couple builds their marriage on these two foundational blueprints from the throne and God. When a man loves his wife in the model by which God asked him to, and the wife submits to her husband in the model given by God, no environment can influence this union. The bedrock of any successful marriage is God; you cannot claim to have God in your marriage if you do not obey His rules for marriage.