When your spouse cheats, what will be your response? Here is my insight.

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A handful of divorces in marriages happen as a result of infidelity, and to the dismay of the devil, I will not stop writing about it. Even if I know what my approach will be, I want to ask a question on the best way to solve the problem of unfaithfulness in marriage. Would it be to forgive and repair or to take a walk and divorce? And so, we will take each of the two options and analyze them in a very practical manner.

First, we will consider the option of taking a walk and going the way of a divorce, most especially considering the fact that a lot of people find it very hard to live with the thought of infidelity in their marriage. That is a huge issue that can’t just be swept under the carpet as though it doesn’t hurt. It’s like stabbing at the back by someone you have loved with all of your heart and dedicated quality time and quality part of your life and emotions to. So, if I am allowed to reason with those who feel pained by the betrayal of a cheating spouse, I would, with every sense of sincerity and honesty, say that I feel their pain and understand clearly what it means to be in that position.

As a matter of fact, that is the only acceptable reason for a divorce according to Jesus in Matthew 19:9. So I can say that even God recognizes the pain that infidelity and adultery cause in marriage. But can divorce solve the problem? Will taking a walk and getting a divorce kill the pain that has been caused by adultery in marriage? 

And I say this confidently that even though it might soothe the pain for a while (if ever it does, because I have never experienced a divorce), will it alleviate the pain forever? Will it affect the children produced in the marriage positively? And looking at the whole picture, is it better to get a divorce or to remain married? With divorce also comes the pain of divorce itself. It's like a complete loss of a loved one, first to cheating and then to divorce. 

Before we proceed to the second option, I want to draw our attention to the one thing we miss about divorce in the Bible. Even though Jesus cited the case of infidelity as an acceptable reason for a divorce, Paul finished it off in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 that a wife is not to divorce her husband. If she does, she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and a husband is not to divorce his wife. 

So, we have the whole picture of the divorce situation from God's perspective. Paul says he is not the one issuing the command but the Lord. But note that I am not in any way encouraging infidelity in marriage, nor am I an advocate for a cheating spouse. Still, I am an advocate of a working marriage against all odds.

So, we then proceed to the second option. The option to stay, forgive, and repair. You then want to ask how possible it is to forgive such a grievous sin. Some cite issues of disease transmission and its likes and wonder how one can just act like nothing happened and stay in it. Now, this is where the grace of God and the strength of the Holy Spirit come in. You won’t do this by your self-ability because that self-ability is not strong enough to see you through. This is where you need the strength, power, and grace of God.

When Jesus was asked why Moses permitted divorce in Matthew 19:7, His response in Matthew 17:8 was phenomenally clear. It was because of the hardness of their hearts that Moses permitted them to divorce their wives, but from the beginning, it wasn’t so. What I am learning here is that if we give God enough room in our hearts, even in situations like this, it won’t end in a divorce. Divorce only comes into play when we have hardened our hearts to God’s touch.

You will probably want to then ask me if it’s possible to forgive such, and practically speaking, my answer will be a big Yes. I have written about trust in marriage a couple of times. You cannot change an unfaithful spouse; only God can. Your assignment is to hand him or her over to God and trust God to do what you cannot do in them.  

The reality of the situation is that your spouse can be remorseful and truly change by virtue of his or her inner self. Or your spouse can just devise a better cover-up and continue. And in truth, you might never know. But there is One who will always know, who can change your spouse, and in fact, heal your marriage. That One person is God, and He is faithful to care for what you have committed into His hands. 

Some have also raised the concern of the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, which cannot be ruled out in this situation, most especially when your spouse has been unfaithful more than once or unrepentant about their sin. If you have developed a bond with God, you will know and understand how so special you are to Him that He will not allow your body to suffer for a sin you did not commit. No matter how bad your spouse is, you are protected because you are under the watchful eyes of God. 

Now, the second option appears to me like the winning option. Both for the one who feels betrayed and the one who has betrayed. Forgiving an act of infidelity in your marriage does not make you stupid or weak. In fact, it is a sign of strength. When your motive for forgiving is more to please God, then God steps in and does the repair. 

Then the one who has betrayed the other and anticipates a negative outcome but gets a pardon is then remorseful and repentant under the dealings of God in their lives. But if in the case of a lack of remorse and repentance, you can be certain that his or her punishment will eventually be due and duly served, too. You remember the story of Abigail and Nabal in 1 Samuel 25. But it's just good that you let God do the punishing while you remain in His will.

Some might think this approach does not apply in our day. But I tell you that I have seen in real life those who have been confronted with such a situation as this and have taken the two different options we just analyzed. Those who choose the second option with the full strength of God and prayerfully do so have significantly rejoiced afterward. And that, by God’s grace, will always be our testimony because, come what may, we will always win in Jesus' name.  

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