A Valuable Secret About Trust in Marriage That You Should Know.

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

Whenever my 21-year-old daughter and I get to talk about marriage, one thing she never fails to say is that I can’t tolerate a cheating husband. I suppose many people share that same point of view. Infidelity in marriage is a big deal-breaker for almost anyone, including me.

It is so interesting to note that adultery is the only permissible reason for a divorce. We have seen this stated directly by Jesus in Matthew 19:9. But then, God hates divorce. We also see this in Malachi 2:16. Looking at this issue critically, if adultery (which is having an extra-marital affair, also categorised as cheating) is a sin. Then divorce, which Jesus says is permitted in the case of adultery, is also a sin; it would then appear that there is some mix-up in these two pronouncements.

But God is not confused, and so we should not be confused either. Divorce is a sin, and so is adultery. For those who say adultery in marriage is a deal-breaker for them and they will never tolerate that, they have a valid point. Even our God is a jealous God. I don’t pray that any couple would have to face the trauma of infidelity in their marriages.

So, how do we deal with the issue of infidelity in marriage? You can’t continue to trail your spouse to ensure they are faithful. That will be too much of a waste of time, and that in itself is a deal-breaker for some people when they are being watched and ripped off of every sense of freedom in the marriage.   

And when you say you trust your spouse, what is the basis of that trust? Is it because of the character they have exposed to you, or because you think you know them so well? This particular approach, in many cases, has ended in broken trust—character changes. Change is the most constant characteristic of a man (and by man, I mean male and female).

Jeremiah 17:5 says, “cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.” However, you may wonder if this applies to marriages as well. What I will say is that if there are trust issues in marriage, then I think it applies. If the God who said it did not exclude any circumstance, then it applies to all possible case scenarios.

The next thing that will readily come to mind is how you can run your marriage successfully without trusting your spouse. And that is the highlight of this blog post. Trust is crucial in marriage, and you don’t have to distrust your spouse because the Bible says, “Cursed is the man who trusts man.”

However, to guard your heart from every possible disappointment or brokenheartedness, there is a way by which you can handle trust in your marriage that will guarantee you peace of mind.  Jeremiah 17:7 says, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord.” When you trust every aspect of your marriage to the Lord, including the issue of trust, then you are covered.

Trusting God with the issue of trust in your marriage goes like this: while not distrusting your spouse, you are committing him or her to God to watch over and keep, so that they will not do anything that will give you a reason not to trust them or do anything that will betray your trust. So, you are trusting your spouse through the trust you have in God, Whom you have committed them to. 

Your spouse is a human with the full capacity to be tempted and to sin. They may not want to betray your trust, but even the strongest man can fall. Whether done intentionally or not, there is a probability that they will disappoint you. With man, there are no guarantees, but not so with God. Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:12, and it is very accurate, that God is able to keep what we have committed to Him. If you have committed your spouse to God, then be persuaded and assured, like Paul is, that God is able to keep until the end what and who you have committed to him.

I remember my story before I discovered this truth in my early days of marriage. Because I always felt I wasn't getting enough attention from my husband, I would sneak up on him and check his phone messages. And you can be sure that I will find something to upset me and brew a fight. It didn’t help, nor did it make us closer. It only widened the gap between us, and the wedge of distrust grew even wider.

I stopped looking to him for a change. He works in the corporate world, and he would interact with females whether I like it or not. I can’t stop him from having female friends, but I can work on how I handle the knowledge of those friendships.

I started experiencing peace in my life and marriage when I began to do what I'm sharing in this blog post. I no longer check his phone. I probably stopped that more than a decade ago. Because I don’t go through his phone, I don’t see what will cause an unnecessary fight in my marriage. I won the devil on that point. And believe me, the attention that I craved for then, I have more than enough of it now.  

My husband lives and works in another country, far from home. I can’t stop him from going to work. I don’t have a job yet (still praying for one). We have children and bills to pay, and I don’t fully know those he interacts with, except the ones we talk about. I can’t check phones or micromanage his activities. If I have not grown out of my insecurities and learn to trust my husband through God, I will probably have developed high blood pressure in the past two years of us living apart with only brief visits.

I pray that this blog message has blessed you, and I trust you and your marriage into the hands of God to guard it diligently, as only He can do, in Jesus’ name. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

What Happens When You Don’t Speak Up in Marriage

 

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

It appears that sharing stories is what is being laid in my heart lately. So, I will be sharing another true-life story in today’s blog post, and I pray that it blesses you and makes a meaningful impact on your life, as you navigate your marriage journey or prepare to start one soon.

A young lady married the love of her life when she was in her mid-thirties. She was never married prior to that time, and she had never been with a man before she took her marriage vows. She got married as a virgin, which was what was expected of a devoted Christian that she was.

Her husband was a good man who had never been married before, but had been with other women prior to meeting her. So, he was not a virgin as his wife was when they met. She was all he wanted in a woman, and he concluded that he had finally found the perfect woman. He was going to marry her and finally settle down.

They dated for a couple of months and thought they knew all they needed to know about each other. All looked good, and they took the relationship to the next level. Soon, the wedding bells began to ring. They got married and looked forward to a beautiful life together.

Within the first few weeks of the marriage, trouble started. What started as a promising union between two Bible believing Christians soon snowballed into a nightmare. The husband became grumpy for no reason.

Nothing his wife did or said made sense to him. The more she tried to find the missing link, the worse the situation became. She prayed and prayed, but this man was just growing into a monster every passing day.

She concluded this must be a demonic attack and that there was probably a spiritual undertone to what was going on in her marriage. Her husband did not sit her down to tell her anything. It was always one heap load of unreasonable complaints and fault-finding after another.

Over time, he became aggressive and would beat her up. This was a big U-turn from the man she thought she knew. The loving man who doted on her when they were dating. She began to think.

“Did I miss something?”

“Was I in too much of a hurry to marry, given my age, that I didn’t see this trait about him?”

“How come he has become a monster all of a sudden?”

These were her constant thoughts. She noticed that some of her wedding attire was missing from the house. That was a reason for suspicion. When her husband discovered she was pregnant, he was not even happy. She lost the pregnancy within the first trimester without her husband showing any form of concern.

Her mother died when she was just 21 years of age. Her father was a faithful and loving husband to her Mummy while she was alive, so this happening to her in her own marriage, barely months into the marriage, is really strange. She grew up in a loving home where she never saw her parents quarrel.

Her sisters have very loving husbands, too. None of them presented with this aggressive trait. What did she miss, and how did she miss it? These were questions she needed God to help her figure out. She remembered her mum had warned them all not to trust anyone on her dying bed. This must be what she was talking about. There are evil forces at play here.

When deep aggression started to show up in the relationship with her husband, she ran away for her dear life. But this wasn’t what she bargained for. This was not how she wanted her story to go. She had waited patiently for a good marriage, for it to just end months after it began. 

Her father, who devoted his life to raising her and her sisters without remarrying, after the passing of their mother, had no choice but to intervene when she ran back home and told him what was going on in her marriage.

He contacted her parents-in-law, and they agreed to a meeting to find out what was going on and how they could resolve the issue. The meeting was held, but it did not produce any results, as the husband walked out on his parents and her father without providing any reasonable explanation for his actions, other than to accuse his wife of accusing his family of being diabolical.

She returned to her matrimonial home after a while, hoping that things would change. She tried to comply with all of her husband’s rules and regulations, but there was no improvement. When he became violent again, she made up her mind to leave for good. This is reality, and she would face it rather than die trying.

A year later, her husband filed for divorce, and they both went their separate ways for good. The marriage barely lasted for 18 months, and that turned out to be the worst time of her life.

Many years after the divorce, the husband came across an old friend, and they spent time catching up on missed moments. He opened up to his friend about his failed marriage and attributed it to a lack of trust from his ex-wife, claiming she became unreasonable and accused his family of diabolical activities. He wasn’t going to build a marriage where trust was lacking.

He also complained bitterly about the poor sexual relationship they had. The complaint about sex came up in almost every sentence he said. And his friend was silently taking note of that. Interestingly, he made no mention of his violence towards his wife. To his friend, the total sum of his story did not add up. With a zeal to see if there was a possibility of reviving what would have been a beautiful marriage, he pleaded to speak to the ex-wife, and he reluctantly gave him her telephone number.

The next day, the friend called up the wife, introduced himself as her ex-husband’s old friend, and got her comfortable enough to speak to him. She opened up and told him the horrible things she endured with his friend and why she had to walk away for her own sanity. It was an emotionally loaded conversation, but the wife seemed to be at peace with herself and was doing well.

It was at the point of talking to the ex-wife that the friend was told that the man was cheating on her and was set to marry the other woman. That was the reason he rushed for a divorce. Unfortunately, the lady he wanted to marry abandoned him for another man, and the hopeful marriage that necessitated the divorce never happened.

There was some clarity after the friend spoke to the wife, but it wasn’t enough to explain why the man became a monster just after getting married. The friend who was a Christian decided to pray for these two. He wanted God to intervene and reunite them. God hates divorce, so He should intervene to fix this. The friend prayed to understand the root cause of the issue, which was still unclear even after hearing from both parties.

Then he realized what the problem was. Sex. That was the puzzle that destroyed that marriage. The lady was a virgin; she had never been physically intimate with a man before. That first experience must have been excruciating, given her age. So, she complained and avoided it as much as she could.

The friend called for a meeting with the husband and decided to ask to know more about the sex problem he has been whining about when talking about his ex-wife. The husband told his friend that his wife was always complaining and unwilling. They never talked about it, but he bought her books and assumed she should read them to get a clue on how to make love, being that she was a first-time lover.

The man got frustrated by his wife’s naïve disposition towards sex and began to cheat. Because of his guilt of cheating, he tried to frustrate his wife out of the marriage to give him room to marry his cheating partner, as he was not okay with having sex outside of wedlock. He had promised himself he would not commit adultery in marriage, and that was what his wife was making him do.

His friend gave the wife a second call to ask her also about their sex life while being married. She acknowledged that it wasn’t great because of her situation, but her husband never discussed that with her. She was completely oblivious to the fact that the reason he was mean to her was because of sex.

This news broke her, but she was too broken by the way he treated her for her to offer herself to him without any effort from him. He needed to show that he wanted her back; otherwise, she was good without him. The husband, on the other hand, was still consumed with pride and shame to go on his knees and beg.

They are still divorced and remain unmarried, to the best of my knowledge.

I share this true-life story to bring to light the little things that have significant potential for disrupting a home and marriage. The simple lack of communication resulted in conspiracy theories and unhealthy assumptions. The assumptions gave birth to distrust, and distrust gave birth to anger and violence.

If only he had been forthcoming with feelings and helped her through the pain of first-time sex with a mature virgin wife. Communication in marriage is non-negotiable, but note that how you communicate is also as important as what you communicate.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this Situation, Resilience and Diligence are All That is Required of You.

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

One of the things that makes one stand out from the crowd is that fine word called “resilience”. The dictionary defines “resilience” as “the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties.” Proverbs 12:24 tells us that “diligent hands will rule,” so it begins to make sense when we see resilient people thrive.

While some may think that diligence means hard work, which is correct to an extent, the true meaning of diligence is “careful and persistent work or effort.” So those who will rule are not those who try once and give up. They are not the ones who will run in the face of difficulties, and when things are not adding up.  

Winning means being able to carefully repeat the effort of work multiple times, even when it proves difficult. Every iteration of effort is loaded with lessons that help you gain expertise in what you are doing. The more you attempt, the more you learn, and the more you grow mastery of your craft.

Being a hero is not a one-game effort. It spans many careful efforts, learning something new and different in each attempt of carefully doing the same thing over again.

In the first paragraph of this blog, I mentioned that resilience is that one thing that makes one stand out from the crowd, and we know that resilience is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties. James 1:2-4 says that we should count it as joy when we face trials and challenges, because it produces patience in us. When patience completes its work in us, it makes us perfect, lacking nothing.

One thing I am learning as I write this blog is this: resilience is me having the capacity to withstand the obstacles and challenges that I may face as I progress towards my goal. With the acquisition of resilience, I can diligently put in the effort needed to succeed. From the book of James, I understand that resilience produces patience in me. Patience is what I need to attain diligence. With diligence, I will rule.

I am led to encourage someone with this post, as I encourage myself too. Sometimes, it feels like you are putting in your best, and it just isn’t good enough. One mistake I have made over the years when it comes to the pursuit of my goals is that I have had to change directions too many times. I am full of ideas, such that if one doesn’t work quickly, I am fast to jump to the next possible thing.

I have acquired many skills, but I have not monetized any, simply because I have not given them the time required for growth and development. I am a little impatient with myself, and sometimes I won’t blame myself. But whether I blame myself or not, changing direction too many times just delays the process.

However, there is one crucial aspect to consider regarding resilience and diligence. Deuteronomy 8:18 tells us that it is God who gives us the ability to produce wealth. And then we learn in Isaiah 48:17 that it is the Lord who teaches us to profit, who leads us by the way we should go. So, what that tells me is that we can actually be resilient and diligent in the wrong direction. And this can lead to frustration and burnout.

So, the resilience and diligence that lead to wealth are those that align with the direction set before you by God. Before pouring yourself into a venture and fighting on it with every ounce of your strength and determination, the first thing to check for and verify very clearly is if that is what God has purposed for you to do.

One truth you should know is that the devil would never want you to grow. His mission is to ensure that you remain stagnant and poor. If you must grow based on the desire of the devil, it has to be an illegitimate and sinful growth. Those ones that come from shameful means. But if you must grow through a righteous and sinless means, then it will come with diverse trials, temptations, challenges, and difficulties. These things serve to prove your genuine desire for your goal, cultivate patience in you, and enhance your knowledge and expertise in your craft.

And so, James says, count it all joy when those things happen, because honestly, it shows that you are going somewhere. And only those with grit, resilience, diligence, and persistence will persevere through those challenges and emerge victorious on the other side. Even running this blog platform comes with its own fair share of fights.

However, the truth remains that if it is God Who is leading you and teaching you to profit, giving you the ability to produce wealth, then the battle belongs to Him, not you. Because he says in Exodus 14:14 that He will fight for you, and you will hold your peace. And if God is handling the fighting part of the drill, you will handle the resilience and diligence part of it. You will always need to show up, and show up in your careful and best effort.  

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

When Divorce is Inevitable But God Steps In

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

In today’s blog, I want to share a true-life story. What I want you to see are the simple things that can destroy a marriage. This is a heartbreaking story that has a beautiful ending simply because one party was wise enough to run to God and let God take the lead in the situation. 

 Dave was a hardworking man, deeply committed to his job. He was a top executive in his office located in a city different from where he lived with his wife and four children. For about five years, he stayed in the company’s guest house during the workweek and returned home on weekends. It was an arrangement both he and Lindsay—his wife—had agreed to, though it was far from ideal.

Lindsay was a stay-at-home mom, and the family relied heavily on Dave’s income. Though the separation wore on her, she accepted it, trusting that it was temporary and necessary. She kept their communication simple—mostly “Good morning” messages—because she never knew when Dave would be free.

But Lindsay had one thing anchoring her: a strong relationship with Jesus.

One Friday evening, Lindsay went all out. She cooked Dave’s favorite meal, cleaned the house, and ensured everything was perfect to avoid any quarrel. Their marriage already felt like walking on eggshells, and she was doing her best to hold things together.

Dave came home late, as usual. He didn’t greet her. He didn’t touch the food. He went straight to bed.

Lindsay stood stunned. There’d been no disagreement before he left on Monday. Their only communication during the week had been her routine “good morning” messages, which he had responded to.

Trying not to provoke anything, she let him be and spent the night in her children’s room. Her children were off to boarding school, with only her last baby in the house. But sleep wouldn't come. Her heart was restless. Her thoughts raced. Why was he ignoring her again? What had she done?

She lay on the bed, restless for about two hours. At around 1:00 AM, she decided to confront him. She stood up and walked to her matrimonial bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tapped his feet to wake him up. 

His eyes opened—cold, angry, accusing. “What?” he asked sharply.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” she said quietly, “but I just wanted to know if I’ve done something wrong. You didn’t speak to me or eat anything.”

Dave sat up, face hard. “Do you really want to know what you’ve done?”

Her heart pounded. “Yes,” she said. “I want to know.”

The marriage had been a constant drain on her emotions and mental state, but she wanted to know what the matter was this time.

He stared at her. “Haven’t you noticed I’ve been avoiding you since yesterday?”

She blinked. Honestly, she hadn’t. She was so used to being ignored by him that this felt like more of the same.

Then came the bombshell.

“Who’s the father of the children you’ve given birth to?”

Lindsay was confused. “What children?”

“Our children,” he said, eyes blazing. “While I was sleeping last night, something woke me up—and my spirit told me they’re not mine.”

She laughed—dry, bitter laughter. “Since when did you become a pastor? If the Spirit of God is speaking, He won’t say something that’s a lie.”

That only enraged him more. “You must be stupid to think I’m joking!” he roared, unleashing a torrent of insults. He hurled vile words at her with venom, breaking her heart with each one.

Lindsay stood frozen in shock, tears pouring down her face. The man she had once adored now looked like a stranger—a cruel, unrecognizable shadow. She wondered what she had done to deserve this from him. He poured himself a glass of whiskey while she returned to her children’s room, trembling.

She cried. Deep, gut-wrenching sobs. Her chest tightened from the pain. She called her sister, desperate for comfort, but the ache remained.

Then she prayed. She cried out to God with words only He could understand. Slowly, the tightness in her chest began to ease. She spoke to God, telling Him she needed to sleep. Soon, her sobs faded. Peace started to settle in.

She fell asleep.

Four hours later, she awoke to a stirring in her heart. She heard the Lord speak clearly: “Go and speak to your husband. Say what I tell you to say.”

She obeyed. She entered the room and tapped Dave’s feet until he woke up. He still looked at her with disgust, but she spoke anyway.

“Whatever spirit told you those children are not yours… it was right.”

Dave sat up, stunned, eager to hear the whole confession.

His wife had been cheating on him after all, he thought.

“But,” she continued, “before I tell you who their real father is, I want you to do a DNA test on all four children. And when the results come out, let me see them. After that, I’ll take them to their real father.”

The power in her voice shook him.

That was a challenge he didn’t see coming. The rage in his eye fell. All of a sudden, he became sober.

“What have I just done?” he thought.

He reached out, trying to hold her. But this time, she had reached her breaking point. She took a few steps back to avoid his grip.

“Tell me, Dave,” she said. “How much money did you have when I agreed to marry you? Was it your wealth that attracted me to you? Now that you’re successful, now that your bank account is full, this is how you reward me? By accusing me of adultery and infidelity? Of passing another man’s children off as yours?”

She turned to leave. Dave grabbed her hand, panicked.

“I don’t know what came over me,” he said. “I just... I woke up at 3 a.m. and heard a voice telling me to ask about the children. I couldn’t shake it off. I’m not saying all of them aren’t mine—maybe one or two...”

“I’ve told you already,” she interrupted. “None of them are yours. Do the DNA test, and I’ll take them to their real father.”

With that, she walked away—heart aching but strangely lighter.

She felt much better than she had felt a couple of hours before. She knew she wanted to sleep and get better rest.

Dave sat in silence. Broken. Convicted. He tried to beg, but this was just too heavy to overlook and assume never happened. Other offenses can be ignored easily, but not this one.

Later, he came to her in their children’s room where she was staying. He knelt. He cried. He begged. He let go of his ego and asked for forgiveness. And Lindsay, through the voice of God in her heart, heard the whisper: Let it go.

She could not ignore the voice. The courage, boldness, and words she needed to confront the situation came from that voice.

She forgave and let go. 

—

The story didn’t start with the DNA test. Years earlier, a doctor’s visit had shaken Dave. One of their children was to undergo a minor surgery that required a genotype test as a pre-surgery requirement. The result of that test revealed that the child’s genotype didn’t match what Dave believed was his own or that of Lindsay.

Lindsay didn’t take this seriously as she was convinced she had not cheated on her husband. To her, there was no reason to be afraid.  They decided to undergo a genotype test to dispel the suspicion. When they finally did, they found Dave’s genotype wasn’t what he thought it was. His genotype matched that of his child perfectly. But the seed of doubt had already been planted.

Social media stories about paternity fraud added fuel to his fears. Over the years, the doubt festered until it exploded into a storm that nearly wrecked their home.

Lindsay had no idea what Dave was going through. She never gave the genotype issue a thought after the test, as she assumed the result had settled the matter. Little did she know that Dave still had his doubts.

Two years after that night, circumstances led to a formal DNA test for all four children, conducted by a foreign organization.

The results: all four children were 99% matches with Dave.

That was the happiest day of his life.

The Bible instructs us not to be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. I am trying to imagine what the story would be if Lindsay had not prayed. If she decided to handle the situation based on the emotions at that time. Or probably seeking help from a human rather than God.

The devil would have ripped that marriage apart with a false accusation. Probably the damage would have been more intense than it was. They might have realised the truth when it was a little too late.

No matter how simple or big the issue is, your first point of call should always be God. If you have experienced Him through little miracles, you'll always be sure He’ll come through with big challenges, like the one we have above. You cannot do marriage based on your intellect. You will always need God to make it a beautiful experience.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

Should the Husbands be doing Household Chores too?

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

In my last post, I wrote about being a superwoman. You know the Proverbs 31 woman, who seems like an unattainable ideal for women. In today's blog post, I want to address the issue of husbands taking on household chores. This particular issue can be a deal-breaker for some women. And more than before, wives are beginning to demand their husbands' heavy involvement in the day-to-day running of the home. Well, why won't they? If it's okay for the wives to work and invest their income in the home, the husband can also invest their strength and time in the house chores.

However, this seemingly inconsequential issue has become part of the irreconcilable differences that often lead to the breakdown of marriages today. Men typically believe that house chores are the responsibility of women and should not be expected of husbands. At the same time, the women are feeling crushed by the weight of combining home management with career pursuits and parenting. And this is also to recognise that the bulk of the parenting responsibilities are laid on the laps of the mothers.

Home management is a crucial aspect of marital life that couples cannot overlook. If it can break a marriage, then it is worth discussing and revisiting the Bible for a proper perspective on who is the primary owner of home management. Let's see what Proverbs 14:1 says. It says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands." From what Solomon says here, the function of building a house is the assignment of a wise woman.

With that established, do house chores fall within the scope of building a house, as mentioned in Proverbs 14:1? I will say that anything that keeps your home running smoothly falls within the house-building definition that God, through Solomon, has ascribed as the function of a wise woman. If you then add this to Proverbs 31:10-31, we cannot deny that house chores are more likely to be assigned to the woman as a responsibility than to the man.

Considering that we have established that house chores are typically assigned to the wife, there appears to be an imbalance in the duties of the husband and wife in the family. The woman gets to manage the home, take care of the children, build a career and financial base, and then manage herself. What, then, is the husband's assignment other than to make money and provide for the home, which the wife also supports?

But this is where it gets interesting. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." Paul says husbands should love their wives as they love themselves. They are to nourish and cherish them. Therefore, anything and everything that causes the wife to become tired, burn out quickly, and become overworked is the responsibility of the husband. He is responsible for her optimal performance without any fatigue. He is to ensure that she is not doing too much at any given time that will cause her to overexert herself and break down.

The husband's approach to handling this responsibility can vary depending on what works best for the individual marital setup. There is no one-size-fits-all. While some husbands directly take on household chores at home, others may find external help that they pay for to alleviate the load for their wives. Some husbands take full responsibility for the financial needs of the home, thereby affording their wives the ability to focus entirely on home management. Some provide tools and gadgets in the house that make things easy for their wives. But I will not forget to say that some do nothing about it. But those people will not be the focus of today's blog.

For a wife to demand that her husband directly take on household chores in the home simply because that is what obtains in her friend's house, and by doing so, create a home environment that is not conducive or peaceful to live in, is not a wise approach to her problem. There is a need to apply wisdom in issues like this. Proverbs 24:3-4 tells us that it is with wisdom that a house is built, and by understanding that it is established. And we also know that it is the woman who builds a home. The application of wisdom is a non-negotiable virtue that a woman seeking a successful marriage must daily pray for and use.

I watched a YouTube video of a marriage question-and-answer session. A church organized the program. Some of the questions that came from the wives were, why their husbands would not help with household chores. This question put some of the husbands on the defensive.

I have been married for 21 years, and I have been a stay-at-home mum for 90% of my marital life. The last person I want helping me with household chores is my husband. That is not his specialty, and I am entirely comfortable with that. In fact, if he offers to help, I will always decline before he finishes his sentence.

This is my reason: his help slows down my work. For 80% of our work time, I am just obeying instructions rather than getting things done. So, he is working while I am not resting. It does not add up for me. What works for me is to plan my work in a manner that suits me best. We both know our strengths, and everything has been good. My husband spoils me silly, and that is good enough for me. I am a meticulous person, so there are specific ways I want things done, and only I can satisfy me in handling my chores.

However, when I get to a home where the man helps with household chores, I never feel like I'm missing something, nor do I encourage a husband to demand the style of my home and marriage from his wife at times when they share their concerns with me. It's a situation of different strokes for different folks. Their marriage situation is peculiar to them.

In conclusion, a good husband should not sit pretty watching his wife bend over with the weight of having too much to handle in the name of it-is-her-responsibility. Ultimately, she is your responsibility because if she breaks, God will demand an account from you over your leadership of her life, and the charge to love her as yourself and as Christ loves the church.

And as a wife, do not quarrel with your husband because he is not helping with the household chores. There is a place we run to when the burden feels too heavy. It is not to our husbands; it is to God. At God's feet, there is an abundance of help and immeasurable wisdom. The wisdom you need to build your home is abundantly in God's hands.    

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.

 

 

 

Becoming the Proverbs 31 woman

Prefer to listen instead of read? Click here to enjoy the audio version of today’s post before diving in.

I watched a movie a couple of hours ago, and the storyline centered on the ability of a wife-to-be to balance being the CEO of a company she founded with being a committed wife. The to-be mother-in-law, who had to forgo her dreams of being a doctor to become a mother and a wife, assumed that this was the ideal situation and the norm. Her son's desire to marry a career woman was met with strong opposition.

Balancing home and work is a significant challenge for mothers in real-world situations. The global economic crisis does not support a single source of income for families, and the home front is also of enormous importance. And there is the Proverbs 31 woman dancing in your face as an ideal standard. Sometimes, we are all tempted to wonder if this Proverbs 31 woman can actually exist in reality.

Let me paint a picture of what this can look like in reality. The wife ensures the house is clean and tidy; she makes sure there is food for the entire family at every meal time; she prepares her family ahead of time in anticipation of any eventuality; practically speaking, she ensures that there is enough to take care of the family in winter, spring, summer, and fall; adequate items of clothing, bus-passes, school rides; then for children involved in extra-curricular activities; she ensures that is also factored in her plan and schedule. Then, putting this all together, she has to work and earn an income.

The first thought that comes to mind is: where is the husband/father in all this madness? And this ask is a hundred percent justified because this feels like a death sentence for a wife/mother. Some men are just over and above and will help take up a chunk of this burden off their wives. But this does not happen in all cases. Take, for example, a husband who has to live in another city, state, or country due to work demands; the husband would have loved to be there, but he justifiably cannot. Yet the mother has to carry all this weight by herself.

It is common for a woman to be expected to set aside her dreams to support everyone else in the family. But this should not always be the case. A wife is called to be a suitable support to her husband. That assignment is not limited to a particular area of a man's life; it includes support in every area of a man's life, including his finances. Therefore, it is only a woman who is financially capable that can adequately support her husband financially.

Now, we have established that a wife has the responsibility to take care of the home and family, and then she is assigned to support her husband, which includes providing financial support. How, then, can she manage all these without losing her mind and still take care of her personal well-being and self-care?

Wives and mothers have had to enlist the help of maids or external helpers to assist them, which in many cases has been very helpful but not without its own downsides. It is common for the children of mothers with intense and challenging careers to suffer neglect. They have the luxury of parental financial strength but lose the presence and love of their parents.

In my own life, I have had to pursue family over a career. But my life has happened in phases. I have my passion burning inside me, but I have my family as my focus. But there is no one-size-fits-all in the journey of life. While one pattern suits one, it may not suit another. While I found myself as a stay-at-home mum, which I do not regret, I never stopped pursuing personal development. However, the most important thing I want to share, at the core of this blog, is to let God lead your steps in life.

I didn't set out to be a stay-at-home mom, but I stumbled into this life, and I embraced it. I forfeited my financial independence as a big sacrifice to stay home and care for my family myself, but I have a lot more than money in my portfolio. I have my relationship with God as a tremendous asset. Being at home has afforded me the flexibility of spending time with God. I consider my children a valuable asset because, by the grace of God, they are growing in the goodness of God. I have a loving husband as an asset. My marriage would have been dead and buried if I had placed my career first.

However, the beautiful thing is that I now have the opportunity to rebuild. My children are all grown, and I am beginning to give my dreams life, thanks to God's grace. The thing about my journey is that the strategy was not mine but God's. The Lord has been the strategist of the path of my life. A large portion, if not all, of that path has been wrapped up in mystery, even to me. Many of my plans have been upturned by God for something far better than I have imagined. There have been many painful moments that required trust that made no sense, and actions that didn't add up. But trusting God above my instincts or plans and letting Him pause my dreams temporarily has been worth it.

We all feel the burnout from the weight of what we have to carry when we are carrying it alone. But when God is leading, the journey is sure to lead to a glorious end, and you can be very sure of the provision of strength and support as you carry it. The secret behind being a superwoman is not in the intellect but in the strength of the wind beneath your wings, if that wind is God.

I am often amazed at how I manage to juggle all my assignments simultaneously. I do things I can't believe came from me because, in truth, they didn't. They came from God through me, and the power behind my strength is none other than God.

This post does not, by any means, encourage women to be stay-at-home moms like I am. What I am saying in this post is that being a career woman, a devoted mother, and a wife is entirely possible without missing a thing or letting the weight of your assignment affect your marriage or yourself, if God is the core of your strength and strategist of your life. It is often said that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Well, I have planned many times and still failed. But when I let God do the planning and tell me His plans for me, and I simply follow His leading, I have succeeded and excel as a superwoman.

This might not make logical sense, but believe me when I say that if it does make logical sense, it might probably not be God at work at that time. Just push the load on God, take some rest, learn to trust God, and get credited for a strategy that God designed and is executing through your obedience and trust. It is always a win-win, even when it does not make sense. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here. 

There is a bookshelf page on our parent website, https://www.thewordthatsuits.com/, which I encourage you to visit. There are books there that will have a profound impact on your life and marriage. If you love to read books online, they are available in eBook format, which is suited to your needs. And if you don't have the time to read, you won't be missing out, as they are also available in audiobook formats, perfect for you. Just click on the book flyer below, and you'll be on your way to a life-impacting experience.