The Covenant of Marriage – Why it’s More than a Contract.

 

Many couples say their marriage views with pride, love, and excitement. As the groom stands in front of the officiating minister, waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle, he is doing so with so much love and joy in his heart. Some even come up with teary eyes as they behold their beautiful bride walk up to them in the company of one of the parents, a close relative, or a mentor who will be giving the bride away in marriage.

The Marriage Vow Is a Covenant Agreement

And then the ceremony starts, the exchange of vows begins, and each couple is read their vows, and they repeat the words after the officiating minister, with agreement to do exactly as the vows they have spoken out say. And then the officiating minister asks the most important question of one’s life: do you take [insert name] as your lawfully wedded wife or husband, and the response from the couple is almost always “YES I DO.”

So that you will have a clear understanding of this, I will share a sample of the marriage vow/oath you swore to during your wedding ceremony.

Officiant:
Do you, [Name], take [Name] to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to live together according to God's ordinance in the holy estate of marriage?

Response:
I do.

Vow:
I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part; according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

The exchange of rings in marriage is a symbol of the union that is based on the vows and oath that were sworn to; and the marriage certificate is the legal document that legalizes the union that was based on the vows taken and oath sworn to. So, a marriage union is not based on the marriage certificate but on the vows taken and oath sworn to.

A person who has sworn an oath and taken a vow has consented to an agreement, which in turn makes it a covenant. So, in essence, a marriage is not a mere contractual event; it is a covenantal agreement in which both couples have promised each other a lifelong commitment, irrespective of harsh or good times.

What the Bible Says About the Marriage Covenant

As children of God, we will be acting in error if we think that marriage is just a business of convenience that we can walk away from when the conditions are not favorable. In Malachi 2:14, God expresses the significance of marriage as a covenant; He says He witnessed the exchange of vows you took on your wedding day, and He is holding you accountable to those vows.

Verse 13-14 says, “And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion, and wife by covenant.”

In the scripture above, God tells us the reason why He shuts down the prayers of His people. And now, we know that it is because we deal with the marriage covenant with simplicity rather than the attentiveness that it deserves.

A covenant is a binding promise that you cannot easily walk away from. That is why God will use it to illustrate His commitment to mankind. The marriage covenant is one that is not designed to be broken except for death. And so, every time God wants to illustrate His commitment to us, He calls us His bride. We are in a covenant relationship with God. 

Ephesians 5:22-31 gave us rules for marriage and used Christ and the church as a model because that is what a covenant is meant for. When an oath is sworn, as we do in marriage, we are bound by that oath or vow. Just as when God makes a covenant with us, and having nothing else to swear by, swears by His name, He is bound by that covenant.

With what has been established, it is important to start to view marriage with more seriousness than we used to. A man or woman who has sworn love in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, and fails to abide by this covenant commits a grave sin before God.

A man or woman who has pledged their faithfulness to their spouse enters a covenant of faithfulness. Anything short of faithfulness is a sin before the Lord. And so, we see God address this in Malachi 2:13-16. This is a sin that would not go unnoticed before the Lord, and so God warns us in verse 16 that we take heed in our spirit and not break the marriage covenant we have sworn to.

Marriage Is More Than a Transaction

It is important to state here that marriage is not a contract. When we speak of contracts, we reduce marriage to a mere transaction. It becomes a coming together for benefits rather than for service. And this is where many people get it all wrong.

This also explains why many people are quick to file for divorce when the benefit of coming together begins to wane. This also explains why a lot of people feel frustrated when there is an imbalance of attention and affection in the union.

The Lifelong Commitment of Marriage

Marriage is a commitment to serve unconditionally. It is a pledge and an oath sworn to that, in spite of harsh circumstances, loss of love and affection, financial downtime, loss of health and wealth, you are still bound to.

And so, lack of love does not terminate a marriage covenant. Unfaithfulness is not permitted in a marriage covenant because the oath sworn in a marriage covenant is an oath to forever faithfulness. And there is another striking pledge in a marriage covenant. It says to have and to hold.

What Does "To Have and To Hold" Really Mean?

The pledge “to have and to hold” is to bear with one another; to support each other. To hold each other up in times of a fall. To fulfill the words of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 together. When you have each other, you help and support each other. When you hold each other, it means you protect each other. 

Struggling to hold on when marriage gets hard? God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage shows you how — one step at a time.

I do not know the origin of the marriage covenant that we keep swearing to in marriage, but I believe that we need to keep a deep understanding of the oath and vow we are committing to in marriage. A good grasp of this will help us understand marriage better and prevent the epidemic of divorce we have in the world today.

Why Choosing the Right Spouse Matters

But before we finish up on this topic, there are two important things I would love to highlight. The first is this: if marriage is a forever covenant that is binding and not just a contract, we cannot overemphasize the importance of being careful about how we make a choice of a spouse. 

A forever covenant, such as marriage, should not be made out of flirting emotions, physical appearance, societal pressure or on impulse. It is a covenant that the Lord stands to witness as you swear to that oath, and the Lord will hold you accountable to the oath that you have sworn to.

As children of God, we are created in His image and likeness. God, in whose image we are created, is a covenant-keeping God, and so we who are His children, created in His image and likeness, are supposed to be covenant-keeping children. That is the standard, that is the expectation. That is why God says He hates divorce.

So choosing a spouse requires that you pray and consult with God, and confirm with God with a strong conviction that the choice of a spouse that you are pledging your life and commitment to is God’s choice for you. This is because love will fade, body will age, wealth will wane, and if God is not at the center, the covenant will be a burden to keep.

Marriage Requires a One-Hundred Percent Commitment

The second thing we need to emphasize is that because marriage is not a contract, it is not a transaction. The expectation going into marriage is not a 50-50 agreement. It is you giving a 100 percent commitment to the vows you have made unconditionally.

When you made your vow in marriage, it didn’t come with terms and conditions. Introducing terms and conditions midway through any marriage is deceitful. The rules of marriage as laid by God are in Ephesians 5:22-31, and I have written about these rules in my blog titled “What Does the Bible Actually Say About Marriage Roles? (Ephesians 5 Explained).” These rules and roles are designed by God to help us fulfill with ease the vows we have made in marriage.   

These rules and roles are the only terms and conditions that are acceptable in marriage. They are neither drafted by either of the spouses nor any man, but they are written in the scriptures through the inspiration of God. These are rules given to couples by God.

Has Your Marriage Become a Contract Instead of a Covenant?

So, as I close, I want you to take a moment to re-evaluate your marriage. Have you drifted from the oath you swore at the beginning? Has your marriage begun to feel like a transaction more than a covenant? If so, then there is a need to go back to the drawing board and start to trust God to help you fulfill the covenant you made to your spouse at the beginning.

I agree that the dynamics may have changed. What you hoped for in marriage may not be your reality. It is because of you that I have been assigned to keep writing messages like this. God has you in mind, and He will help you get through it. Your marriage is still a covenant for you to fulfill, and God is available and ready to help you through the current challenges you are going through.

Marriage is not sustained by feelings alone. Feelings rise and fall, circumstances change, and seasons come and go. What sustains marriage is a covenant made before God and upheld through His grace. When we remember that marriage is a covenant rather than a contract, we begin to see our spouse, our commitment, and our responsibilities through God's eyes.

Today’s post is the fifth of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. If this message is speaking to you, then you need more than just a blog post—you need a guide. My book God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage walks you step-by-step through building a marriage that stands strong, even in difficult seasons.

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