Why I Had to Teach What the Bible Says About Marriage

I also shared the thinking that marriage was a bondage, when all the butterflies I had in me before getting married all disappeared, and I was faced with the harsh reality that my expectations and my reality were miles apart. But I took some steps back and shifted my position, understanding that if this marriage was to work, I needed to do some work.

Why Marriage Became My Passion

Talking about marriage has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my existence. In a world where negativity thrives and marriage vices shout so loudly, I find purpose in telling the other side of the story. If there are so many sad marriage stories, awful endings, and messy breakups that are going viral on our social media spaces, I think we also need to have some positive stories, too.

There is a need to give hope to the upcoming marriages. In reality, more marriages thrive in the midst of struggles, weather tough challenges, stay strong together in spite of the differences in opinions and ideas of those in the marriage, and even disagreements that cannot be denied, than the marriages that are failing. But the negative marriage stories are traveling farther and wider.

The Painful Reality I Couldn't Ignore

In my adult years, I have spoken to a lot of women regarding the topic of marriage, and their views of it have been very concerning. Quite a handful of women see their husbands as never-do-wells. I believe a lot of these originate from what they have experienced in their marriages and stories they have heard or passed down notions from parents’ experiences or even relatives' marriages that they have seen.

And this observation is not limited to just casual women, but this anomaly also comes from those who are of the faith: those who are pastors' wives, and even those who stand on the pulpit to preach. The situation is so bad that we now have people come forward, with a microphone in hand, and tell the world God told them to get a divorce.

But while we will not deny that there may be trouble in paradise, and the devil has greatly worked his way into the marriage institution, God also will not fold His hands and let the devil win over and destroy what He created and certified to be good. 

So, God is raising voices, and He is impressing it in the hearts of those who will yield to that call to rise and tell the story of the goodness of marriage. And one such voice is my humble self, driven with passion and purpose to tell the story of the resilience and beauty of marriage.

My Own Marriage Wasn't Always Beautiful

One truth that I am burdened to share is that just like those who shout about the horrors of marriage, I have had my own very good share of marriage struggles. In my self-effort, I have prayed hard to God for a divorce; I have, in fact, contemplated suicide. But I have also surrendered my troubles and challenges to God. I handed the reins to Him and let Him lead me while I painstakingly followed after His leading.

Were those experiences easy? Most definitely not. Were they challenging even to the bones? I can tell you for free that it’s a big YES. But looking at where I am today, and what I have been through and come out of, I know without a doubt that when God is allowed to lead, the story will always end in praise.

I have been married for over 22 years, and I am writing this in the year 2026. I have seen it all in marriage. I have experienced things that, when I share my story, those who hear it tell me they can’t stay in such a marriage. But here I am in that same marriage, with the same husband, and having the best time of my life. And only God made it happen.

Those close to me say I have a special grace, but I beg to differ. The grace of God is like an ocean of water. The container you fetch grace with from the ocean of grace determines the quantity of grace that you will take away.

God's grace is abundantly available to all, but how much we receive often depends on how much we trust Him. No one is given more grace than another when it comes to having faith to receive from God, because God is a just and fair God. But your volume of grace is directly proportional to your container of faith and trust in God.

God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage — a step-by-step guide to fighting for your marriage instead of against your spouse, even when restoration feels impossible.

What God Taught Me About Restoration

At the time when there was nothing else to hold on to, I held onto God. I didn’t tell God what to do, or how to do it. I simply cried for help and let Him do what I couldn’t do for myself in a way that I could never have done and succeeded. God restored my marriage; I was just a willing partner in the whole process.

In Matthew 19:8, Jesus confirmed that Moses permitted divorce because the heart of men was wicked, but in the beginning, it was not so. So, the importance of willingness in the restoration of a challenged marriage cannot be overemphasized.

The problem is not whether God can restore a challenged marriage, but whether we are willing to set aside the hurt that we are feeling and not carry the weight of our troubles on ourselves, but let God truly heal and restore what the enemy has destroyed.

Why I Chose to Teach What the Bible Says About Marriage

Sometimes, I get to think and wonder if God would truly permit people to get a divorce, like people have been announcing to the world that He did in our present times. But God is a Father who does not force us to obey Him. If He expresses His will and you disagree, He lets you have your way. Unfortunately, you also carry the burden of that decision.

But what is most unfortunate in that is the fact that these people who still have God’s oil on their lives mislead others who assume that if it was okay for God to let them do that, then they can also do it and it wouldn’t be a sin.

So, here I am with a counter experience. That is why I am led to teach about marriages and let the world see the other side of the divide. The one that ends in happily ever after without bitterness and divorce.

God made this happen for me. And going through all that I went through, coming out of it with better love and attention from the same husband, in the same marriage, and having to share my story, I appreciate now why God put me through that season.

Without me experiencing it firsthand, I would say it can never happen. But it happened to me. I won the war on my marriage. God helped me dig out my husband’s love for me, and now we are two adult love birds.

There Is Hope for Your Marriage

My experience is not an isolated one. I believe there are more stories like mine out there than there are negative ones. But the truth is that the negative story gains more ground and is loudly amplified. But for those having marital troubles, you are not alone, and you can win without bitterness and divorce.

Your willingness to let God handle things and lead you to win should be your first call. And follow that with your willingness to let go of the hurt you feel. That may seem like the hard part, but when you understand that your fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and rulers of darkness in high places (Ephesians 6:12), you will know that your spouse is not the problem; they are just a vessel in the hands of the real enemy.

These are the truths that God helped me to see and understand, which enabled me to redirect my emotions and focus on my real fight. With God’s leading, I fought for my husband and fought for my marriage. These are the reasons why I teach about what the Bible says about marriage. I have enjoyed these truths, and I am led to share them.

That said, I also recognize that not every marriage ends in restoration. Some people have faced abuse, abandonment, or situations where separation became necessary for safety. This series is not written to condemn anyone. It is written to point readers toward God's design for marriage and the hope that He can bring where hearts remain willing.

Today’s post is the seventh of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. If this message is speaking to you, then you need more than just a blog post—you need a guide. My book God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage walks you step-by-step through building a marriage that stands strong, even in difficult seasons.

Click the book image or the "click for details" button below to get your copy.

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage Biblically

The greatest singular deal breaker for marriages is CHEATING. Marriages fall apart for many reasons, but the greatest of them all is when one spouse becomes unfaithful to the other. I have spoken to a lot of people who say that once they find out that their spouse is cheating on them, they can no longer remain in such a marriage.

It is interesting to see in Matthew 19:9 that it is only sexual immorality that Jesus gave as an exemption for allowing for a divorce. We find it everywhere in the Bible, starting from Exodus 20:5 (in the 10 commandments), that God is a jealous God.

But it is worthy of note that God's jealousy is not rooted in insecurity but in His commitment to covenant faithfulness. If that is the case, then it is expected that we who are formed and fashioned in His image and likeness will be jealous beings. Not with an unholy jealousy, but one that expects faithfulness in a marriage union and commitment to the marriage vows that were exchanged.  

The Fear of Infidelity in Marriage

So, when people say that infidelity is a deal breaker for them in marriage, they are just expressing who they have been fashioned to be. It is human nature to be jealous. But not being jealous to the point that it leads to sin and pushes you to do terrible things.

In my last post, where I discussed the marriage covenant, and the content of the vows we take and the oath we swear to in marriage, one of the items in that oath is a pledge to be faithful in marriage. So, expecting faithfulness in marriage is not out of place. It is a promise that was made, a covenant that was entered into, and that promise is expected to be fulfilled.

Can You Truly Trust Your Spouse?

But here is another twist to it that makes it a little interesting. When you enter into a marriage covenant, you expect faithfulness, and so you invest trust in your spouse based on the faithfulness that you are hoping for. But now Jeremiah 17:5 says, “Thus says the Lord: Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.”

Some people may want to say that this scripture does not apply to the marriage situation, while others may start to get confused as to how to run the marriage without trust if the Lord says cursed is anyone who trusts man. How do you be with a spouse that you are not expected to trust?

This is where we begin to tackle the topic of discussion for this blog post. How to affair-proof one's marriage based on the truth of the Bible. I want to start this by saying, trying to monitor your spouse and playing the detective to affair-proof your marriage never works. It only leads to heartache at the end of the day.

Coming from a one-time marriage detective, I can tell you truthfully that you will get your mind and heart messed up trying to monitor who your spouse interacts with when it comes to the opposite gender. The more you look, the more you see what will break your heart. But please note that I am not saying that you should overlook a cheating spouse, but there are better and more reassuring ways of handling this, and that is what I will be sharing in this blog.

How Affairs Often Begin

When God says cursed is the man who puts his trust in man, He sure knows why He made such a statement. Oftentimes, infidelity in marriage doesn’t always happen out of malice, greed, or lack of love. What starts as an innocent communication or help being rendered to a friend may quickly snowball into an affair without those involved noticing early enough to press the brakes.

Before you blink an eye, what started as a simple friendship grows into an emotional attachment, and gradually, an affair is born. In fact, those involved will argue that they are just close friends and nothing more, because physical touch has not entered into the conversation. Until temptation presents itself and a boundary that should never have been crossed is crossed.

In some cases, these two who have erred may feel the guilt and hit the brakes at that point. In some other cases, the emotional attachment may have run so deep that ending it at one mistake becomes a call too hard to make, and they continue the secret affair and remain a loving yet deceitful spouse in their respective marriage as long as they don’t get caught.

So, in reality, not all cheating spouses set out to hurt their partners in marriage; not all of them cheat out of lust and greed. But the truth still remains that they have broken their marriage covenant of faithfulness, they have sinned, they have broken the trust invested in them, and they have hurt the one who loves them dearly.

For some, this sin is grave and unforgivable, and for others, they extend grace and forgiveness and allow the union to continue with the assignment of making the offending spouse earn the trust that they were freely given at the onset of the marriage.

But how can you affair-proof your marriage when all that you can control is you and not your spouse? The greatest self-deceit that anyone can have is to think they can control their spouse without the spouse freely and willingly yielding that control. To answer this, I will share a true-life story that best illustrates my take on this.

If this post is speaking to you, God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage will walk you step-by-step through building a marriage that stands strong — even against infidelity.

A Story About Trusting God with Infidelity

There is a couple who have been married for less than 10 years, and the wife was convinced that her husband was anything but faithful to her. He always had a reason to be away from home. He spent less time with her and more with everyone else. She was getting miserable in her marriage with her absentee husband.

It got so bad that he wasn’t even providing for the family anymore. She had to find a way to take care of herself and her two children. There was always a very good reason why money was not available. So, she began to sniff around him. She would see deposit slips with strange names on them and ask questions. There was always a lie for every question.

She moved on to checking his phones, and her fears started getting confirmed. She would see messages exchanged with other women, and then she knew where the attention and money were being invested. On many occasions, she would confront him, and they would fight over it. Her husband would beg and promise to stop, but it was all for a better cover-up next time. Nothing changed, just better concealed.

When the wife became tired of the lies, she made up her mind that it was time for a divorce. But before making the call to walk away, she prayed to God. God was her only hope. She could not decide on anything without consulting God first. She cried bitterly as she prayed. She loved her husband and wanted the marriage to work, but she was tired of the lies and deceit. She sought God from the depths of her pain, and God spoke to her.

The Lord spoke to her and promised to fix the infidelity issue in her marriage if she would trust Him (God) rather than expect her husband to change on His own accord. She made up her mind to commit to trusting God with the painful issue of infidelity rather than checking her husband’s phone or fighting him over his lack of attention to her and their children.

For her, trusting God was more reassuring than the countless broken promises from her husband. She got a word from God, and she ran with it. With this approach, she began to feel less betrayed, having her hope and trust in God, who had never failed her, than to expect anything from her husband. She shifted her focus away from monitoring her husband and placed her trust fully in God.

Gradually, without words or any input from her, her husband began to change. He went out less frequently, spending time with her and their children. It was initially strange, but over time, as they conversed more, she noticed her husband became more fearful of sexually transmitted diseases.

She didn’t know why there was a sudden fear, but that made him more cautious with his lifestyle and more faithful to his marriage covenant. There was an unexplainable positive shift that she was noticing and learning to enjoy. Up to the time I heard the story, they had both tested negative for any sexually communicable disease, but the fear of it has maintained faithfulness in their marriage.

It is worth noting that your own redemption story might not exactly be like this story that I just shared. The Lord knows your spouse more than you can ever do. He alone can arrest his heart in a way that you can never imagine. So, every marriage facing infidelity will not unfold exactly this same way. However, this story demonstrates that God is able to work in hearts and situations beyond our ability to control.

What Only God Can Do

One major takeaway for me in this story is that only God can do what we cannot do for ourselves if we hand it over to Him. Trusting that a cheating spouse would change for those who have killed their conscience towards the sin of adultery is like waiting for a thing that may never arrive.

But Proverbs 21:1 tells us that “The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord, like rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.” The heart of your spouse is in the hands of the Lord; only God can direct His heart to do what He pleases. So, when you commit that infidelity issue into God’s hands, He knows how to make your spouse faithful in ways you can never imagine.

The Biblical Way to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

The Biblical way to affair-proof your marriage is to trust God to keep your spouse faithful to the covenant they swore to you in marriage. It’s not that you will not trust your spouse; you will route your trust through God to your spouse. The idea is to cover your marriage in prayer against extra-marital affairs and trust God that what you have prayed for, He will do.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 shares the great benefit of trusting God above any man. Nothing gives you more peace in your life than knowing that the Lord is handling your affairs, because nothing fails in His hands. Jeremiah 17:9-10, on the other hand, tells us the danger of trusting man, because the heart of man is deceitful. But only God searches that heart, and only God knows and can deal with the deceitful heart that you cannot know.

But there is one more thing you need to do. It is established that you cannot control your spouse, and so we will handle that through prayers. But you gave control over yourself, and so we can’t conclude on this without discussing the self-actions you need to take to affair-proof your marriage.

As a partner in your marriage, you also need to remain accountable to your spouse and maintain healthy boundaries with friendships outside of your spouse. Be on alert to know when you need to press the brakes on any association that poses a threat to your marriage. And while praying to God that your spouse remains faithful to you, pray that the Lord will also help you stay true to your covenant of faithfulness.

Trusting God with Your Marriage

In conclusion, I will say this: if you want to maintain your peace of mind in marriage, put all the concerns of your marriage into God’s hands and trust Him to faithfully keep that which you have entrusted to Him. Then you can relieve yourself of any anxiety and enjoy abundant love in your marriage, knowing that it’s all in God’s hands. With God, there is no need for suspicions; your marriage is already affair-proofed.

Today’s post is the sixth of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. If this message is speaking to you, then you need more than just a blog post—you need a guide. My book God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage walks you step-by-step through building a marriage that stands strong, even in difficult seasons.

Click the book image or the "click for details" button below to get your copy.

 

 

The Covenant of Marriage – Why it’s More than a Contract.

 

Many couples say their marriage views with pride, love, and excitement. As the groom stands in front of the officiating minister, waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle, he is doing so with so much love and joy in his heart. Some even come up with teary eyes as they behold their beautiful bride walk up to them in the company of one of the parents, a close relative, or a mentor who will be giving the bride away in marriage.

The Marriage Vow Is a Covenant Agreement

And then the ceremony starts, the exchange of vows begins, and each couple is read their vows, and they repeat the words after the officiating minister, with agreement to do exactly as the vows they have spoken out say. And then the officiating minister asks the most important question of one’s life: do you take [insert name] as your lawfully wedded wife or husband, and the response from the couple is almost always “YES I DO.”

So that you will have a clear understanding of this, I will share a sample of the marriage vow/oath you swore to during your wedding ceremony.

Officiant:
Do you, [Name], take [Name] to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to live together according to God's ordinance in the holy estate of marriage?

Response:
I do.

Vow:
I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part; according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

The exchange of rings in marriage is a symbol of the union that is based on the vows and oath that were sworn to; and the marriage certificate is the legal document that legalizes the union that was based on the vows taken and oath sworn to. So, a marriage union is not based on the marriage certificate but on the vows taken and oath sworn to.

A person who has sworn an oath and taken a vow has consented to an agreement, which in turn makes it a covenant. So, in essence, a marriage is not a mere contractual event; it is a covenantal agreement in which both couples have promised each other a lifelong commitment, irrespective of harsh or good times.

What the Bible Says About the Marriage Covenant

As children of God, we will be acting in error if we think that marriage is just a business of convenience that we can walk away from when the conditions are not favorable. In Malachi 2:14, God expresses the significance of marriage as a covenant; He says He witnessed the exchange of vows you took on your wedding day, and He is holding you accountable to those vows.

Verse 13-14 says, “And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion, and wife by covenant.”

In the scripture above, God tells us the reason why He shuts down the prayers of His people. And now, we know that it is because we deal with the marriage covenant with simplicity rather than the attentiveness that it deserves.

A covenant is a binding promise that you cannot easily walk away from. That is why God will use it to illustrate His commitment to mankind. The marriage covenant is one that is not designed to be broken except for death. And so, every time God wants to illustrate His commitment to us, He calls us His bride. We are in a covenant relationship with God. 

Ephesians 5:22-31 gave us rules for marriage and used Christ and the church as a model because that is what a covenant is meant for. When an oath is sworn, as we do in marriage, we are bound by that oath or vow. Just as when God makes a covenant with us, and having nothing else to swear by, swears by His name, He is bound by that covenant.

With what has been established, it is important to start to view marriage with more seriousness than we used to. A man or woman who has sworn love in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse, and fails to abide by this covenant commits a grave sin before God.

A man or woman who has pledged their faithfulness to their spouse enters a covenant of faithfulness. Anything short of faithfulness is a sin before the Lord. And so, we see God address this in Malachi 2:13-16. This is a sin that would not go unnoticed before the Lord, and so God warns us in verse 16 that we take heed in our spirit and not break the marriage covenant we have sworn to.

Marriage Is More Than a Transaction

It is important to state here that marriage is not a contract. When we speak of contracts, we reduce marriage to a mere transaction. It becomes a coming together for benefits rather than for service. And this is where many people get it all wrong.

This also explains why many people are quick to file for divorce when the benefit of coming together begins to wane. This also explains why a lot of people feel frustrated when there is an imbalance of attention and affection in the union.

The Lifelong Commitment of Marriage

Marriage is a commitment to serve unconditionally. It is a pledge and an oath sworn to that, in spite of harsh circumstances, loss of love and affection, financial downtime, loss of health and wealth, you are still bound to.

And so, lack of love does not terminate a marriage covenant. Unfaithfulness is not permitted in a marriage covenant because the oath sworn in a marriage covenant is an oath to forever faithfulness. And there is another striking pledge in a marriage covenant. It says to have and to hold.

What Does "To Have and To Hold" Really Mean?

The pledge “to have and to hold” is to bear with one another; to support each other. To hold each other up in times of a fall. To fulfill the words of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 together. When you have each other, you help and support each other. When you hold each other, it means you protect each other. 

Your marriage was never meant to be a contract you can walk away from — it's a covenant. Learn how to live it out in God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage.

I do not know the origin of the marriage covenant that we keep swearing to in marriage, but I believe that we need to keep a deep understanding of the oath and vow we are committing to in marriage. A good grasp of this will help us understand marriage better and prevent the epidemic of divorce we have in the world today.

Why Choosing the Right Spouse Matters

But before we finish up on this topic, there are two important things I would love to highlight. The first is this: if marriage is a forever covenant that is binding and not just a contract, we cannot overemphasize the importance of being careful about how we make a choice of a spouse. 

A forever covenant, such as marriage, should not be made out of flirting emotions, physical appearance, societal pressure or on impulse. It is a covenant that the Lord stands to witness as you swear to that oath, and the Lord will hold you accountable to the oath that you have sworn to.

As children of God, we are created in His image and likeness. God, in whose image we are created, is a covenant-keeping God, and so we who are His children, created in His image and likeness, are supposed to be covenant-keeping children. That is the standard, that is the expectation. That is why God says He hates divorce.

So choosing a spouse requires that you pray and consult with God, and confirm with God with a strong conviction that the choice of a spouse that you are pledging your life and commitment to is God’s choice for you. This is because love will fade, body will age, wealth will wane, and if God is not at the center, the covenant will be a burden to keep.

Marriage Requires a One-Hundred Percent Commitment

The second thing we need to emphasize is that because marriage is not a contract, it is not a transaction. The expectation going into marriage is not a 50-50 agreement. It is you giving a 100 percent commitment to the vows you have made unconditionally.

When you made your vow in marriage, it didn’t come with terms and conditions. Introducing terms and conditions midway through any marriage is deceitful. The rules of marriage as laid by God are in Ephesians 5:22-31, and I have written about these rules in my blog titled “What Does the Bible Actually Say About Marriage Roles? (Ephesians 5 Explained).” These rules and roles are designed by God to help us fulfill with ease the vows we have made in marriage.   

These rules and roles are the only terms and conditions that are acceptable in marriage. They are neither drafted by either of the spouses nor any man, but they are written in the scriptures through the inspiration of God. These are rules given to couples by God.

Has Your Marriage Become a Contract Instead of a Covenant?

So, as I close, I want you to take a moment to re-evaluate your marriage. Have you drifted from the oath you swore at the beginning? Has your marriage begun to feel like a transaction more than a covenant? If so, then there is a need to go back to the drawing board and start to trust God to help you fulfill the covenant you made to your spouse at the beginning.

I agree that the dynamics may have changed. What you hoped for in marriage may not be your reality. It is because of you that I have been assigned to keep writing messages like this. God has you in mind, and He will help you get through it. Your marriage is still a covenant for you to fulfill, and God is available and ready to help you through the current challenges you are going through.

Marriage is not sustained by feelings alone. Feelings rise and fall, circumstances change, and seasons come and go. What sustains marriage is a covenant made before God and upheld through His grace. When we remember that marriage is a covenant rather than a contract, we begin to see our spouse, our commitment, and our responsibilities through God's eyes.

Today’s post is the fifth of a three-month series on the big topic of marriage. If this message is speaking to you, then you need more than just a blog post—you need a guide. My book God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage walks you step-by-step through building a marriage that stands strong, even in difficult seasons.

Click the book image or the "click for details" button below to get your copy.