When you apply Godly principles based on the truth of the Bible to any aspect of your life, there is only one possible outcome, and that is success. I say this because God is forever faithful to His promises. He makes all things beautiful in His set appropriate time, and with Him, all things are possible, and He is the master strategist.
Here is a question that is quick to come to mind when
observing marriages today: Why do some marriages flourish while others slowly
fall apart, even when both couples begin with good intentions? There is a lot
of marriage advice flying everywhere in our world today.
You find women advised not to get too ambitious, so as not
to scare their potential husbands away. Some say, in marriage, you need to
speak and not die in silence. And men are advised against ambitious women who
cannot be controlled in their marriage.
Interestingly, this diverse and erroneous advice only
shortchanges those who accept and apply it. Proverbs 19:21says, "There
are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel—that will
stand." Some people would have missed out on a good spouse just
because they took the wrong advice.
Why God's Design for Marriage Always Works
The two most critical Biblical marriage principles that are
proven to work effectively in marriages are found in Ephesians 5:22-31. What
you will find in this scripture is the instruction to the wives to submit to
their husbands as unto the Lord, and for the husbands to love their wives as
Christ loves the church.
As simple as these principles may seem, they are proven to
be the most disobeyed. Yet they are the basis of every truly successful
marriage. A lack of understanding of these principles has led to their abuse,
which has, in turn, led to the fallout in many marriages.
I discussed these principles in great length in my very
first blog post of this series titled “What does the Bible actually say about
marriage roles?” I cannot overemphasize the fact that submission in marriage is
not suppression. A woman who feels she has to fight for her place in marriage
did not understand her purpose in marriage to begin with, because marriage is
not a union you go into to fight.
Principle One: Submission as an Act of Worship
A woman who submits to her husband in reverence to God,
ensuring obedience to God through submission to her husband, already secures her
place in that marriage. This is because when her obedience is complete, God
will deal with every disobedience in her life (2 Corinthians 10:6).
But more importantly, God did not instruct the wife to submit
to her husband because she is inferior to her husband or that she is his
subordinate. It's because submission gives the husband more room to love his
wife like Christ loves the church. Jesus loves the church, and the church
submits to Jesus. Yet we are all joint heirs with Christ Jesus (Romans 8:17).
So the first Biblical principle of marriage that is proven
to work is submission on the part of the wife as unto the Lord. The second
principle is also found in Ephesians 5:25-29. It is the principle of
unconditional love from a husband to his wife in the manner in which Christ
loves the church.
Principle Two: Love Without Conditions
What God demands of a man in principle number two is deeper
than most men understand it to be. I say this because a lot of men attach
conditions to the love they have and give to their wives, and that is far from
the manner in which Christ loves the church.
Sadly, there are men who have entered into marriage solely
because of what they perceive as benefits from the woman they are getting
married to. Once the benefits expire, the love dies, and they are on to the
next woman.
For them, marriage is not a commitment; it is a transaction.
And once the proceeds are not adding up, the wife becomes an irritant, a
burden, and they are only staying for fear of legal actions. But that is not
what marriage is designed to be.
A man who cannot love his wife for better and for worse will
do himself and the woman he is planning to tie down a lot of good by walking
away before the vows are taken and the oath is sworn. A husband should be the
physical display of God’s unconditional love for the woman he is marrying. He
is on assignment for God to love that woman like God loves her and nothing
less.
If these two principles are lived with a hundred percent
commitment in any marriage, there is no doubt that such a marriage will be a
resounding success. When a husband loves sacrificially, and a wife responds in
reverence to God, something beautiful begins to emerge: unity. And that leads
me to the third principle.
God's Rules of Engagement in Marriage — a step-by-step guide to living out the four Biblical principles that actually make a marriage strong enough to last.
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Principle Three: Build a Marriage Marked by Unity
Matthew 18:19 reads, “Again I say to you that if two of
you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them
by My Father in heaven.” The third Biblical principle of marriage that
works is the principle of unity in marriage. What other two can come together
and agree that can be as effective as the coming together of a husband and his
wife?
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one because
they have a good reward for their labor.” Verses 10-12 elaborate on this
and show us more about the benefits of why two are better than one. What unity
in marriage guarantees is prosperity. When there is oneness of mind, purpose,
and goals, the doors of breakthrough begin to open.
Genesis 11:6 reads, “And the Lord said, 'Indeed the
people are one, and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do;
now nothing that they purpose to do will be withheld from them.” This
scripture confirms to us that once there is a unity of mind, purpose, and goal,
then nothing purposed by a united force of a husband and wife will be withheld
from them. And if this united couple has God in the center of that union, it
makes the possibility of achievement stronger.
But unity in marriage does not just come. It is cultivated;
it is built with determination and resilience. Because in truth, there will be
differences in opinions, views, values, and sometimes beliefs. But there should
always be a point of letting go for the purpose of protecting the unity of the
marriage.
Sacrifices of opinions and views will have to be made in
order to protect the unity of the marriage. As a husband or wife, you don’t
always have to be right. Instead, protect the unity of your marriage, which
benefits more than the satisfaction of being right.
Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, unless they are
agreed?” This scripture shows us the requisite ingredient to unity. And
that is agreement. For one to walk together, which is an indication of unity,
there must be an agreement.
That agreement may not be something that either partner is
convinced of the decision of the other, but for unity to thrive, sacrifices of
opinion have to be made. But what I will not forget to say is that all
decisions need to be brought before the Lord. As we read earlier in Proverbs
19:21, only the counsel of the Lord stands.
Principle Four: Communicate with Wisdom and Grace
The last principle that I want to touch on before I conclude
this blog is that of communication. I have often heard advice like “speak your
truth and don't die in silence.” I totally agree that one of the major success
factors in any marriage is effective communication, but I want to emphasize the
word EFFECTIVE because not all communication is effective.
For a successful marriage, what you say, when you say it,
and how you say it all matter a great deal. Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool has
no delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions.” This
scripture is so on point with what we need to understand about communication in
marriage.
Sometimes, airing your opinion does not improve anything; it
only makes it worse. Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips enter into
contention, and his mouth calls for blows.” While I do not and will never
support violence in any marriage, I am tempted to say that a handful of
violence in marriage originates from airing opinions when it is not okay to do
so.
Effective communication in marriage cannot be overemphasized.
Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the
soul and health to the bones.” The Bible doesn’t lie. When you say what you
have to say in the manner described in Proverbs 16:24, it becomes effective
communication.
When you are angry, please don’t speak. Pray instead. God
will lead you on what to say, how to say it, and when to say it, so that it
will have maximum impact, without sparking further problems.
Living Out God's Principles Every Day
I hope this has been useful to you as you read it. These
principles don’t just work because they came from the Bible; I have applied
them to my life, I live by them, and I have benefited from them, and that is
why I share them with you.
For any of the principles that feel hard to implement in
your life, take them to God in prayer. The Holy Spirit will hold your hands and
help you live them in your life. He did that for me, and I know He will do the
same for you.
No marriage becomes strong overnight. Strong marriages are
built one biblical decision at a time. Every act of obedience to God's Word
lays another stone in a foundation that can withstand life's storms.
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