Getting Practical With Marriage Issues (3)

It’s another glorious opportunity to share the truth of the word of God with the wonderful people of God. Your responses have been encouraging I must say and you are well appreciated.

Still continuing in discussing practical issues in marriage and here is an issue that has affected a lot of married women, most especially those without helping hands or maids in the home. The economic climate we are in, in this present day and time is such that unless by the grace of God, it is almost impossible for both spouses not to get into income generating activities. As it is, both the husband and the wife have to work and earn income to be able to financially sustain the family.

With that said, the wife in addition to her income generating activity or work which in most cases take the priority on the list of the activities that struggles for her time, she has to take care of the children, cook for them, monitor their hygiene which might include bathing them, doing their laundry, ensuring nails are cut, hair well-kept etc. Then she still has other house chores to do which will also include house cleaning, toilet washing, dish washing, taking care of the kitchen and so on. Then not to forget children’s education support activities, school’s home-work, class projects etc for each child at different level of education. I hope as you read this, you try to use your imagination to figure out the picture I am trying to present to you.

Then in some cases you have the wife who has all these of the above listed burdens to carry still being the breadwinner of the home. The husband is unable to make much in terms of financial income though it might be a temporary situation or an effort not yet yielding the expected returns, but still cannot and would not put a helping hand in the upkeep of the home and family because he has concluded that it is not his responsibility to do that. In some other cases it may be the husband’s ego in action, or so that people or family/relatives will not see him doing a woman’s stuff in the house thereby terming him a weakling (which is predominant in our culture). And in still other cases it may be share laziness on the husband’s part.

I can’t imagine why and how a woman should not be expected to age early and wear-out fast if she has all of these on her to do list on a daily basis without any form of help. You might conclude that she employs a helping hand, but remember she is the breadwinner, and that is an additional monthly expenses that she has to bear with no addition to the current income generation.

I have always written on this blog that the woman holds the responsibility to build her home, this is an assignment given to her by God and she will report to God on how she has feared on this task. But this same wonderful God has instructed the husband to love his wife as himself in the order with which Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-30). If the husband will be fulfilling this call of God on his life and obeying carefully this instruction he has been given by God then he will not sit and watch his wife burn herself out in order to be his wife. It is highly insensitive for any man not to make any meaningful contribution to the growth of the home and family. As a man there should be something weighty that you as the head of the home in contributing to the growth of the home otherwise you are as good as an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8 says “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We have always termed the providing mentioned in this scripture to mean money or related it solely to financial provision, but thank God the Bible did not say “provide financially”, it only said provide. So the provide can come in the form of support, care, love, money, helping hand, encouragement, watchfulness and many other provides that there can be to make the home comfortable for those that God has given to you to care for as head of the home. So if the man will be true to obeying this instruction of God on his life, then there are more provides required of him than just financial provision.

If he is unable to provide financially for his family then he should be able to provide encouragement, support, helping hands, love and many other forms of provision that will foster the growth of the family and make him truly the head that God has called him to be. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better that one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up.” It interesting what the Bible says about a man who has no-one to help him when he falls, such is the case of the wife who has been left to carry all the burdens of the home all alone. In no time at all this beautiful wife will completely fade out if care is not taken. If a man would claim that his wife is his suitable helper and so should be there to help him if and when he needs help and in whatever way or form he needs the help, then such a man should be reminded that the beautiful helper also requires ample love and care which the husband has been instructed by God to give to her unconditionally and without limit. As a man you would do yourself a whole lot of God when you learn to care for, love and encourage your wife because in so doing, you can be sure she’ll serve you well.   

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

 

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues (2)

Hello beautiful people of God, I bless God for another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word with you. I thank God that the seed of His word in our lives and homes is germinating and producing fruits of a beautiful marriage to the glory of His holy name.

In today’s post I am trusting God to teach us to be able to handle right some practical issues in marriage. The first of such practical issues is handling a cheating husband. The issue a husband cheating on his wife is one that so many wives have found quite unbearable and has led to a lot of marriage break-ups more so that Jesus has given infidelity as an excuse for a marriage to break-up. I once spoke to a lady who at that time just got married and we were talking on marriage matters and she told me that she can never give her body to her husband any longer once she finds out he has cheated on her. In as much as I won’t blame this lady for making such a conclusion, I will say that the reality can be a little different.

In the part of the world where I come from, it is assumed that it’s a man’s world and it’s okay if a man cheats on his wife or at least it more understandable when it's the husband doing the cheating than when it's the wife who is unfaithful to her husband. So it is totally unacceptable for a wife to cheat on her husband. While I am also totally against a woman cheating on her husband for any reason at all, I am wondering if a woman has blue blood rather than red for her not to get furious with anger if ever she discovers her husband is cheating on her. So just as a man would flip out if he discovers his wife is cheating on him, so should a wife also be expected to flip out if and when she discovers her husband is cheating on her.

But what happens after you discovered your spouse cheated on you or is cheating on you and you have gotten furious and angry. Is it possible to forgive him and move on and act as if nothing happened or you allow the anger to remain and possibly lead to the break-up of the union? This question has come up in my head so many times, and it has been a topic of debate on a private chat group that I belong to. Some women like the one I mentioned earlier will find it hard to live beyond the hurt that arouse from the betrayal, but in truth it’s a choice that we have to make.

If ever I find myself in that situation I have resolved to only one choice and that is to look the other way, forgive and move on with my marriage. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but I know someone whose been there before and that was her choice and till date she doesn't regret it. Because she still has her marriage intact, she has a repentant spouse and her home is at peace. Rather than remain angry and habour resentment for her spouse, she was awakened to the need to pray for him. She came to the realization that there must be a problem for that to happen and since she was his suitable helper assigned to him by God, she knew that rather than prolong the anger, she needed to help him overcome the problem.

So she began to pray. she prayed for him that God would deliver him from the sin of adultery. With the help of the Holy-Spirit she also made some improvement on herself to appear more attractive to him as his wife, she tried to put better efforts to her activities in the home, beginning with the food, his personal care and that of the children and with the help of God her home is a lot better now.

But what if she had walked out of the marriage in anger, although she will not be committing any sin by getting a divorce on the grounds of infidelity, but that leaves her with only one action next and that is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (1 Corinthians 7). So it all falls back to the same thing she is trying to run away from. If then she can’t take another husband, she had better help her husband become a better husband that she can be proud of since that is what God has called me to be in his life (a helper).

So I will say these to all ladies struggling with infidelity in their marriage, its okay to express you’re hurt. It’s okay to cry and feel betrayed, but after all said and done, its important to let go off the hurt and look to heaven to help you help your husband become a better husband. That is the role you are in his life to play and with God on your side he will surely become a better person to the glory of God alone. 

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues

Good day beautiful people of God, its always a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity to share the truth of God’s word again in this blog. And I pray his word will bring light to every day area of our marriage and home in Jesus name.

Today I want to share a story that happened to someone I know well. This story is not peculiar to my friend, but it’s a story I have heard happen to a lot of women and I trust the Lord to help women having such issue to heal and find fulfillment in life again.

Issue

I have never felt so used and dejected by someone I loved and trusted so much; my husband of 28years. When I was still active in work, based on the position I held and the opportunities that came with my job I had the opportunity to make good extra wealth outside of my salary. I met my husband as a struggling man while I had very wealthy parents and because of the love I had for him I didn’t consider him low in status than I was, despite some objections I married him anyway. I helped my husband climbed the ladder of wealth and affluence in life. As a result of the opportunities afforded me on my job, I invested all my extra wealth on my husband. We had a lot of joint businesses that I ran and grew while all he did was just to sign the cheques. The inflows in the business accounts were all my efforts but the outflows where all his efforts. I didn’t foresee any problem coming up in future between us with regards to money, the love I had for him superseded any suspicion in my marriage. I wanted to make my marriage work by all means possible and so getting suspicious was not what a allowed to play host in my mind. Even when I heard stories of my husband’s escapades with other women I still didn’t see it affecting our business life. I managed both the business and the home front to the best of my ability with the business and career taking the forefront of my focus. Raising my children suffered though, but I managed to give them the best that money can buy. They all schooled abroad and enjoyed the luxuries of life. Now I am out of paid employment, and just when I thought I could cash-in on all my investment in my joint business with my husband and start another business that I can run on my own, my husband did a U-turn on me. He had removed my name and signature from all that we owned together, he removed my name as his next-of-kin and now all I do is just sit at home and wait on him while he goes about in the luxury of the wealth I worked for and he just gives me stipends when he deems it necessary. Another issue that I also have to battle with is my health. I have a very big battle with my health that keeps me in the hospital for months at the stretch. I am coming to terms with my fate and trust God to accept my soul if I die in this struggle. I am still married to my husband and I am sure everyone will reap just what they have sown. I pray and hope my children will learn from my mistakes. My only regret in life is that I should have taken time to be a better mother to my children and bring them up properly rather chase wealth that a man who is not worth it will eventually take over. The little strength I have left now is to give my children the mothering I didn't give them when they were young. Now they are in their twenties with lack of properly discipline evident in their character which is what I am now struggling to correct as the Lord still spares my life.

Response

This narration is very touching I must say and when things like this happen it is very easy to blame God and ask where was God when all these was happening. I feel so touched that I am tempted to be a bit biased in what I have to share in response to this, but at this time I will trust God to speak to you through me and not just to you, but to as many as have found themselves in a situation such as this. First I need to ask if you prayed and sought the face of God before getting married to your husband? I understand and know that God’s instruction to the wife in marriage is to submit to her husband in everything as to the Lord, but I would want to ask if you prayed to God before investing your wealth in the life of your husband? You are his suitable helper that God has placed in his life to help him fulfill his destiny, but not assigned to work and put all your life’s saving in your husband’s bank account to spend or a joint account which you don't have control over. I am most certain that if you did pray before getting married, you will still have very little hitches in the marriage, but not as grievous as this. And if you had consulted with God before putting all your wealth in your husband’s account the story would have been a little different. If your husband needed financial support you are required by God’s instruction to give him that support, but God did not ask us as wives to make our husbands our retirement plan. But nonetheless, you are still the suitable helper the Lord has provided for your husband to help him be a better person. Do not let material wealth prevent you from the assignment God has assigned you to do in his life. This is a typical example of what God says that “Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength,” (Jeremiah 17:5-9) your husband is just being a typical man. You will surely find it hard to trust him again, but that’s okay. Just trust God alone and put all your strength in focusing on God. When you do, the following things will happen: 1) He will right all the wrongs in your life, 2) He will bring you out of the sick bed, 3) He will teach your hands to make wealth again such that all that has been lost shall be recovered in an increased measure, 4) He will turn the lives of your children around for good, 5) He will heal your marriage and make your husband a better Christian. He will breathe life again into your marriage and as you are following in His instructions for your life and home, you will be able to be the suitable helper for your husband again and fulfill your mandate in his life once again. In doing all this, the glory of the latter you will surely surpass that of the former. In fact you will totally forget this period of your life as God will make you forget all that you have gone through if only you can carelessly unburden yourself at the feet of Jesus and raise your head in focus on Him alone. There is nothing you do or nothing anybody can do that can give you a refreshing and positive exit from all these troubles outside of what God can do. Don’t resign yourself to the fate of what you are going through as the will of God because it is not. God didn’t create us to suffer and die in our sufferings. The challenges of life are there to train us to be better people and not to break us. His will for is perfectly good to give us hope and bring us to an expected end. You have made your mistakes and though you have suffered for it, now is the time to walk out of those mistakes and their consequences and let God replace the bad with good. You will have a refreshing start again in Jesus name.

Responding to Your Questions

Hello God’s people, it’s a beautiful day again and it is the day the Lord has made and we will rejoice and be glad in it. I personally thank God for His mercies and grace on my life, on my husband, on my children and on you who take the time to read the messages on this blog and I pray that the blessings of the Lord will forever remain on our lives and not just that, but we will be sources of joy and blessings to those we encounter in our life’s journey in Jesus name.

Sometime back I shared a post about a man I met while waiting in the lobby of a game’s room for my husband and while waiting I got talking to this man. Below is the excerpt of the blog and I wish to revisit that discussion so as to share some responses that I got, and also to give my won conclusion on the matter. So below is a recap of the post and the responses that came afterwards. 

I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.

He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.

From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.

In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 

Response 1

Dear Derin, happy celebration of the Easter once again, I read your message and I have this to say: Many times we tend to find fault in our partner when in truth the answer lies with us. As this for man, it is possible that the wife’s reaction to communication with him might be as a result of some unresolved issues. We have different ways in which we handle issues. For every action there is a reaction. In this case, maybe in time past when they both have discussions, he always puts the wife down and treat her like a senseless idiot and this can be one big hurt in the heart of his wife. Her not talking to him may be a tool of defense to protect herself. I have been there before, I know how it feels. No wife wants her husband to look down on her, it can rid her of her self-worth and self-esteem. It is easy to talk to another person and feel she fills in the gap, but in truth he should truthfully ask himself where he has missed it and make amends instead of creating another issue of concern. Many men treat their wives as slaves other than a wife and what they get is the response of a slave. Men need to get it right. 1 Peter 3:7 is a command not an advise. Thanks.

Response 2

Did he talk to his wife about the issue before he chose to have extramarital affair? If yes, did he involve people who are close to the wife and can intervene? There are two sides to every story, I as a woman and a Christian will not support his action.

Response 3

Babes Aderinsola, I want to first appreciate your previous post on your blog, they are indeed inspired by God. More grace in Jesus name. Now about the cheating husband and insensitive wife, I want to believe the husband still got is wrong by cheating on his wife. He just has to still try hard to make her talk. There are reasons everyday one of the spouses can hold in order to justify why he/she went overboard but no reason is good enough for extra-marital affairs. The communication should be worked on. If he wants to justify the lack of effective communication as the reason, then when that is solved another might surface.

Response 4

People always make excuses for being unfaithful.

Above are responses to the blog post and I am so very grateful for these responses, I sincerely hope and pray that a lot of men will read this post, most especially the responses and begin to sit up and do the needful in their marriages. I pray that God will raise a man that will take up the task of touching the hearts of his fellow men to be better husbands. I have read a lot on the cry of women for the need for more committed husbands. We as women have the capacity to grow and multiple the seed sown in us, so if only our husbands will take the time to sow the right seeds, it is just a matter of time for them to begin to reap bountiful harvest of love, care, respect and every other thing they desire from a wife as they sow the seeds in us.

I totally agree with all of these responses, and I am also of the same view that no matter the situation on ground there is no excuse for extra-marital affairs. It is so very true that people will always make an excuse for being unfaithful but as a wife you need to be very sensitive with your marriage so as not to be an excuse for your husband to be unfaithful to you. 
Going back to the issue at hand, this man never mentioned that he prayed about the situation. We remember that in the book of Genesis Isaac prayed to God for the need in the life of his wife. It was Isaac who prayed out the barrenness of Rebekah, something his father Abraham never did for his wife Sarah. Rather than men seeking the short cut to issues in their marriage, like Isaac its important that they pray hard and persevere over the challenges in their marriage in order to avoid making mistakes they will end up regretting.

One of the responses raised an issue that I think is worth pondering on, she said probably the wife was reacting to a previous hurt she experienced. She said probably in previous conversions the husband puts the wife down in her contribution and treats her like a senseless idiot. This is an area I am sure a lot of women have experienced hurt from their husbands. Now this is a very wrong way to treat a woman. I have heard it said and I agree with that school of thought, that women always multiple what you give to them. If you sow good seeds in your wife, she will multiple the good seed and produce more good for you in return. And if you sow bad seeds in her, she will multiple it and in same manner produce more trouble for you. In that case, divorcing her or cheating on her does not make you a good man, you only deepen your problems with acts that comes with severe negative after effect. It is simply a case of you reaping what you have sown and the only remedy is to change your seed to good ones that you might reap good that multiples from what you have sown.

You can't bring out the best in your wife by treating her like a piece of rubbish. When your wife is handled like a glorified housemaid, you should not expect anything more from her than a housemaid reaction. When you treat your wife like a queen, that automatically makes you the king of her life, so when you want to feel like a king and enjoy royalty in your home, just start by treating your wife like a queen and the kingship is yours for the taking. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Let's Discuss This

Hello beautiful people, I thank God that we are all still alive to experience the joyous celebration of the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one and only reason we are called Christians, and loved dearly by God. The reason we are adopted as children of the Most High King; the Maker of the Universe. Words are always not enough to explain and express the uncomprehendable love of God displayed in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Indeed He is our salvation. I say Happy Easter celebration to all the wonderful people of God.

I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.

He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.

From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.

In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage (2)

Like I always begin my post, it’s a beautiful day and a beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word on this blog and I pray that by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, lives and homes will be changed to the glory of God.

In my last blog post I shared a message on the importance of communication in marriage and I focused on handling the negative aspect of communication. Aided with the truth of God’s word we learned that no matter how hard or harsh a communication is presented, it should be responded to gently. With this, wrath is turned away and peace is cultivated in the home.

So in this blog post I want us to consider a more positive side of communication in marriage. Not the kind of communication that begins with harsh words with the likelihood of being followed by harsh words, but the kind of communication between a man and his wife that bothers on the growth and development of their home, sharing thoughts and things that bother each other or confiding in one other of plans and goals of the family.

One important purpose of marriage is companionship. God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so He formed a woman from the man as his suitable helper to support him and help him grow while he loves and cherishes her as she gives him strength and confidence to go about his daily activities (Genesis 2:18-25). And then we hear God speak through Solomon in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one because if one falls his friend can help him up and if two lie together they will keep warm.

But there cannot be any companionship where there is no communication, so it is important that for the purpose of companionship which is one of the reasons God established marriage, communication in marriage needs to be guarded jealously and diligently. Both spouses are to ensure there is no gap in communication flow between them.

Again I want to speak more specifically to the woman, not that the man has no role to play in all these, but the woman is the heartbeat of any marriage, for as long as the wife is getting it right, that marriage will always survive unless the Lord decides to put a stop to it by calling home one part of the couple. So I want to ask the wives this question: “If your husband confides in you about an issue that is bothering him and giving him sleepless night, what do you do about it? How do you handle the information that has just been handed over to you? The way you threat this information determines if and how frequent you get more information from him and if for any reason you handle the information trust to you carelessly and he decides to stop or pause the amount of delicate information he passes down to you, the crack in your marriage has begun. You can be sure that his holding back of information or keeping secrets from you is not a pleasant experience at all in marriage. Some homes are broken for just this singular reason.

A woman whose husband has just shared a thought with or an experience he had with someone outside their marriage with and she turns around to call the man a fool for acting that way has just dug a pit in her marriage. A woman whose husband just informed her of a gift he gave someone and she goes behind your husband to harass the one who got the gift in the name of supporting her husband has just caused a crack in the bridge of communication between her and her husband. These actions are not wise at all.

Wisdom in marriage is not literally fighting all of your husband’s battles as if he is boneless and you are in his life to take his place, but while he is handling issues in the physical, you as his wife should be handling things in the spiritual and the Bible says a chord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12), if at all it is ever possible for it to break.

When your husband confides in you and he does not ask for your input in the matter, please just listen and use that which he has told you as a point of prayer that the Lord will direct his steps to do the right things and take the right decisions. When you have prayed and you have faith, you can be sure that all will be well.

Also if your husband confides in you and asks for your advice on what he has told you, you need to be objective about your advice, if he was wrong in doing what he did, point it out to him politely. Proverbs 15:2a say, the tongue of the wise commends knowledge. The fact that your husband is asking you for advice is a sign that he trusts your judgment and his opened to the advice that you might give. So present your case politely, remember that Proverbs 15:1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When you notice that he is not taking kindly to what you have to tell him, please withdraw quietly from the conversation and pray for him instead.

But if your husband confides in you and request for you active input, then be at his service without overdoing what has been requested of you to do. I have heard a lot of wives complain that their husbands spend so much money on his relatives. Well I always try to put down such talks because rather than fight that trend in your marriage and be labeled a bad wife who wants to scatter brothers, it is safer to pray and let God make your husband more responsive to the needs of his wife and children as the topmost priority of his financial life. But to prevent your husband totally from providing for his now extended family, I will say that is not godly. 1 Timothy 5:8 says a man should provide for his family and this includes his extended family but with priority for his immediate family which is his wife and his children. But for the wife to go against her husband providing for his extended family is totally wrong. Rather than the man to stop providing for his family, he’d rather leave you his wife out of the process. Once this starts, it is the beginning of the man keeping secrets from you his wife and you might not be able to handle what that will grow into.

Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant word are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” What a way for God to describe the use of words. Do you desire to activate the positive side of your spouse and forever keep it activated? Then employ the use of pleasant words always. Put the use of pleasant words to play in your home and you will enjoy peace that words cannot describe. Some might say you are foolish for being so cool, well I’d say that I’ll rather be foolish and have an envious home and a peaceful life than throw away my self-control and engage in harsh words that stirs up anger which destroys. I have made my choice, what will it be in your case? May God bless our homes.    

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage

It’s another beautiful day and another wonderful and gracious opportunity to share the active and alive word of God with the wonderful people of God. I bless God always for finding me worthy a vessel to use in blessing His people. I am positive that just as little drops of water makes a mighty ocean, so is the little things shared on this blog making meaningful impact in the marriages of God’s chosen people and soon we will see a massive turnaround in many marriages for good in Jesus Name and all the glory will go back to God alone.

So again we’ll take a series of learning from the throne of God on the importance of communication in marriage. I trust the Lord to teach us to be able to use our ability to hear and process information to grow our marriage into a master piece of success.

Proverbs 18:13

He who answers before listening –

that is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 17:28

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,

and discerning if he hold his tongue

As lead by the Spirit of God, I want to begin this small message with this two Bible scriptures and trust the Lord to open to us the depth of what is contained in this few lines. To say that communication is vital for any successful marriage is to say the least, because I still do not understand how two people can effectively leave together, love each other and help each other grow into the success that God has destined them to be without being able to communicate effectively with one another? The breakdown of communication is any marriage is the beginning of the breakdown of that marriage itself. So we will be learning from the word of God how we can maintain an effective flow of communication in the home.

For both the man and his wife the Bible says it is better to listen and discern before speaking. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” So how do we use our tongues to bring life rather than death to our marriages? Are we such a people that are unable to put a check on our tongues in order to sustain the life of our marriage or are we such people that are just interested in airing our opinions irrespective of its effects on our marriage?

I will first try to speak to the women, this is because they are the ones assigned by God to build the home and so they need all the help they can get in order to fulfill this assignment effectively for God. It is often assumed that women nag a lot, they are the talkative in the home and they talk till they incur the wrath of their husbands. Well that is not always the case. I have spoken to a number of women who have complained that their husbands are so nagging that it's almost becoming unbearable. A little mistake on their part and the husband goes on and on and on non-stop in scolding them as if he were talking to a brainless little child, and that it’s almost impossible not to respond to those nagging mostly especially if they have apologized and still the husband will not stop nagging.

Sincerely I fell these women, cause I have found myself in that situation one too many times. But we know that our assignment is to God and that assignment is to build rather than destroy and we also know that the product of our tongue has the capacity to either produce life or death, and so we won’t throw caution in the air and also speak carelessly. It is important that as a wife the product of your tongue produces life rather than death in keeping with the assignment that God has given you to fulfill in the life of your husband and your home. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”   

God has given us the power of self-control and do we use that power or not is a very important aspect of our marriage that we should note. When your spouse communicates a thing to you in a not-so-good manner and he/she uses an unacceptable approach and your response is with a gentle answer as Proverbs 15:1 says, won’t you agree with me that great damage has been averted simply by your positive and calm response. And if you carry on like this non-stop day in and day out, you are building an enviable marriage for all to see and desire or even copy. It is just a matter of time before the life of your spouse is touched and changed by your calm and peaceful disposition. Then you will win him/her over to God not by word but by the reverence and purity of your life.

I will close this write up with this few words from the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them.

Proverbs 18:6-7

A fool’s lips brings him strife, and his mouth invites a beating

A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

So I charge all married couples to be watchful of the product of their mouth. For the wives I will say this: if you desire a successful marriage and you are focused on fulfilling your God given assignment in your marriage then you need to ensure that the product of your lips are pure and peaceful. No matter what you are facing in marriage, prayerful deal with what you fill yourself with in order to ensure that what goes out of your mouth are words that builds up and not words that tears apart. May the Lord bless our homes. 

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.