The Rights of the First Wife

It’s a new week and a new reason to thank God. My last post triggered a thought in me which I want to share on today’s post. 

In a lot of countries in the western world, polygamy is not allowed by law. So a man cannot marry two wives at the same time. But my country Nigeria is a multi-religion country and because other religions that exist here permit multiple wives, there is no law prohibiting multiple marriages in one. And because there is no law prohibiting polygamy, even Christians are found in the mix. So today I will be sharing on the "Rights of the First Wife."

The fact that we have found a handful of polygamous marriages in the Bible, some so-called Christians have rested on that fact to bound themselves with the chains of polygamy and all the troubles and challenges that accompanies it. 

It’s important to understand and appreciate the fact that if a man's wife dies and he marries another wife, that is not polygamy and the new wife is the only wife in the marriage so there is no right of first wife at play in this situation. This is different from a divorce situation and its different from a polygamous setting. But if your husband married another wife while you are still alive, I am sure this is for you and I will encourage that you read this. 

Genesis 16 tells us the story of how Abraham became a polygamist when he took his wife’s maid servant and got her pregnant in the quest to have a child and so she became maid/wife by default. But in Genesis 17 God visited Abraham with a deep message which says, “Walk before me and be blameless.” These first few lines of God to Abraham are very deep in meaning, but that is not the focus for today. 

Genesis 17:15-22 carries my message for today’s post. In the course of God’s conversation with Abraham He mentioned Sarah and the promise of a child to her. Even in a good old age of 90yrs, Sarah will still give birth to the promise of God to Abraham fulfilled in flesh; she will give birth to a son to be named Isaac. As far as Abraham was concerned, Ishmael was good enough a son to be a bona fide blessing carrier, but that is not so with God. This is because a covenant child must come from a covenant wife. Sarah is the wife of Abraham’s youth, she is the favor bearer in the life of Abraham and as such she is the one to give birth to God’s favor in the life of Abraham. God said in Genesis 17:20-21 that sure He will answer Abraham’s request and bless Ishmael, but as for the establishment of His covenant with Abraham was concerned, that will only happen through Sarah. This tells us how detailed God can be with the issue of His laws. It wasn’t just about bringing His covenant to pass in the life of Abraham, but the channel of making it happen also mattered to God.

Genesis 29:15-35 tells us the story of how Jacob married two wives outside of his will. He loved and worked for Rachael, but he was handed Leah. If only Jacob had prayed, he might have understood why God let that happen, but silly Jacob was blinded by love and so he labored additional 7yrs for love not worth it. But one thing that didn’t pass my eye in that story is found in Genesis 29:31, and it reads, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachael was barren.” Did you notice the rights of the first wife playing out in this story too? The first wife who was the wife of Jacob’s youth was the wife favored by God. She was the one the Lord chose to open her womb. Could this be mere coincidence or it's God speaking to our hearts through these occurrences?

Malachi 2:13-14 which I always love to make reference to says, “Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth.” From this passage God is not acting as a witness between the man and his wife, because there is the possibility of the man having many wives. But God is acting as a witness between the man and the wife of his youth; that very first wife that God blessed him with and gave him to marry, love and care for. 

If you are indeed the wife of your husband’s youth I congratulate you so very much. You might not be the one loved by your husband, but you are the one recognized by God. It is in you that God packaged all of the favor of your husband’s life (Proverbs 18:22). This is the right of the first wife being displayed here. 

I don’t mean to talk down on those outside of this category who happen to fall with the second wife category. We are all created by God and despite our shortfalls, challenges and circumstances surrounding our marital situation, we all are and will always be blessed by God. But from what we are discovering in the Bible there is a special accolade being given to the wife of his youth. There is a special recognition by God being bestowed on the wife of his youth; those who fall within the first wife category, and that is what this post is showing to us. 

Are you a wife of his youth and you feel like giving up and throwing in the towel just because your husband does not love you but loves another, understand that you are the one God reckons with as your husband's wife; you are the one God is favoring as your husband's wife; it is your seed that bear God’s covenant to your husband; you are God’s choice and He loves. The moment you give up on that marriage, the moment you give up on your husband, that is the moment you give up God’s best for you; that is the moment you give up your rights as the first wife, the wife of his youth. 

If you dear to persevere, you will dance like Sarah danced and those who laughed at you and said you were a fool for staying in that bondage called marriage, will rejoice with you and wish they were you. Those who mocked you will marvel at what God will make happen in your life and marriage. Remember, after all that Leah suffered, she eventually became the only wife after the death of Rachael. She had the last laugh. That and more is your testimony when you hold on to God’s love and fight on your knees for what God has blessed your life with which is your marriage. 

A Dead End Situation in Marriage

Hello God’s people, how are you doing and how are you enjoying the weekend? Because it’s a Saturday, I think we can make do with a marriage story. So today I will be sharing a marriage story that ended on a not-so-good note, but we can at least learn from the mistakes of others. I believe that’s what wisdom is all about.

There is this young loving and hardworking lady who got married to a young man she obviously was in love with. I am convinced she didn’t pray before making that decision and going by the history of the man she married he is not one to stay committed to a relationship for too long. For whatever reason he gets bored with women all too soon and without any reasonable reason he walks out of his relationships after about two years.

This lady had dated the guy for over a year when they eventually got married to the surprise and joy of the guy’s family as they were already worried and wearied by his continuous change of women in his life. But just two years into their marriage, this husband got tired of his wife and became adulterous again. Not too long after his initial flings, the husband moved out of the house he shared with his wife with the intention of getting married to another lady and left the wife all by herself . As a matter of fact he had promised marriage to the new lady in his life. His excuse and allegation was that his wife was cheating on him. 

This excuse angered his mother and with it he secured her sympathy and support to walk of his marriage, but not her approval to marry another woman. But after proper investigation a few months later, it was discovered that his allegation of his wife cheating on him was a lie and that the wife had been faithful to their marriage vows all along. Every effort to prevail on him to take his wife back fell on deaf hears; just like all other women in his life, he was bored with her.

This story happened about 8years ago and the husband had had similar encounter with about 3-4 other women after he left his wife; only that he never got to marry them. He is currently living with the 5^th woman after his marriage to the beautiful young lady. The wife on the other hand remains unmarried till date. You will agree with me that this is a very sad marriage story.

One important thing to always understand is that there is no perfect marriage and there will always be different challenges in life that when you hear of it, it appears as though it’s unheard of. But there is nothing new under the sun and there is nothing that life throws at you that God cannot handle.

Maybe or maybe not, the story would have been different if this lady had prayed before getting married to this guy, but even as at today I will say this is a sad marriage story that the Lord can turn around for good if you as the wife let Him.

My counsel to this wife is this: As long as you still have the breath of God in you, you still remain a wife to this man before God. I understand that you didn’t seek the face of God before getting married but the fact that God permitted the marriage and nothing happened to prevent the marriage from taking place tells me that your mistake is still within the ability of God to turn around for good. Your dead marriage is still a marriage that the Lord can and will breathe life into and it will come alive if only you let Him. God will only do this with your cooperation and so it requires you willingly inviting Him into the situation.

We learned in Matthew 19:8-9 that divorce is as a result of the hardness of man’s heart, but at the beginning, it was not so. As a child of God your marriage will only be dead because your heart is hard, divorce is not the will of God for you or your marriage and if there is still room for making amends I will encourage you to explore the option of reconciliation. Don't just give up on this man; if his soul is all that you can work with God to safe from hell I can assure you that the host of heaven will be proud of you. 

You will wonder how to reconcile with a man who is already living with another woman as wife. Well the hedge you have in this situation is that you are the wife of his youth; you are the legal wife that the Lord recognizes. Jacob was married to Leah and Rachael, yet it was Leah that got the support and favor of God. Abraham was married to Sarah and then took Haggai as maid/wife, yet it was on Sarah that the love and favor of God rested in that marriage. So your case is not different, no matter how many women claim to be your husband’s wife, you still remain the one who carries the favor of God in that marriage. You are the wife God recognizes.

You will have to fight for what is yours in prayers. From what I can deduce from this situation, this husband is a man who desperately needs help. If a man cannot settle down with a single woman and he gets bored with women so very easily that is a man who needs urgent help. Just like a violent husband is a man who needs help, and a financially broke husband is a man who needs help, so also is an adulterous husband a man who needs urgent help. And even though you are the one at the receiving end of his numerous problems, you are still the God appointed helper for his life. So you will begin to pray for him; you will wage war against any and every power that has infiltrated your husband’s life and has caused him to continually change women as though he were changing his clothing. You will pray your dead marriage back to life and prophesy to the deadness of your marriage to come alive. Then you will pay attention to the voice of God and anything the Lord tells you to do, do it. By the special grace of the living God, I await your testimony in Jesus name. 

Some Exceptional Marriages in the Bible

In my today’s post I want us to take a look at some exceptional marriages found in the Bible. I call these marriages exceptional because of the peculiarity of the circumstances that surrounds the marriage. These two marriages are the marriage of Hosea the prophet to an adulterous wife and the marriage of Joseph to Mary whom he found to be pregnant before he even came near her. And even though these marriages where orchestrated by the Lord in order to pass on some messages to His people and to bring about the deliverance of the world through the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, I still choose to refer to these marriages and peculiar.

The story of Hosea and his wife is found in the book of Hosea 1-3 and we will find the story of the birth of Jesus in Matthew 1:18-20. I am trying to imagine the reactions of some men I knew and try to picture what they may lightly do if they find their wives with other men and per adventure their wives get pregnant and they know they are not responsible for the pregnancy; and all I can do is wear a big smile on my face as I write. As a matter of fact, if I know my husband as well as I think I do, I would say that his reaction is better left imagined.

This makes me have loads of respect for the likes of Hosea and Joseph. Hosea did as the Lord had instructed him to as he took an adulterous woman as a wife and in the full knowledge of that, he still loved and respected her. Joseph on the other hand was a righteous man and on the realization that the woman he was about to marry was pregnant and he was not responsible for it, he decided to divorce her quietly and safe her the public disgrace until the Lord spoke to him.

We need more men/husbands like Hosea and Joseph in our world today. In as much as I do not excuse wayward lifestyle in women, I will say that it takes an exceptional excellent man to take a wayward woman and for no ulterior motive, mold her into a godly wife through his love and sacrifice for her. Such a man will have my loads of respect.

If we have husbands today willing to be as sacrificial as Hosea and Joseph we will have marriages that glister and shine as gold. It’s not just the wives who should be giving in marriage, the men/husbands too have a lot to give. We need our men to be sacrificially loving too. The fact that we need our men to be sacrificially loving does not translate to the wife becoming adulterous and wayward to test the love of her husband. But when the husband is giving his best and the wife is reciprocating with her best then all we will have is the best in marriage.   

A Strange Love Story

As I was trusting God for what to share on the blog today as I am yet to fulfill God’s mandate for the blog today I came across a strange kind love story in the Bible which I think we can learn a thing or two from. This story is found in 1 Samuel 18:20-30. It’s the story of how David married Michal, Saul’s daughter.

From the blues, it was discovered that Michal, King’s Saul’s daughter was in love with David and her father was pleased about this for all the very wrong reasons. She and her so called love became a tool of destruction in the hands of her father to destroy the enemy he had earned out of jealousy and envy.

The very sad thing about this young woman is that the father was meant to protect and love, her only just saw her as a viable tool in his hands to destroy his enemy. But that for me is not the big deal; the big issue was that she didn’t heed the advice found in the book of Song of songs 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4, which reads that “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” The arousal of love when it was not desired was the greatest undoing in the life of Michal the daughter of king Saul.

When we read through the story in 1 Samuel 18:20-30, one thing we will notice is that there was no love lost between David and any of the king’s daughters; not for the first daughter that was promised to him for killing Goliath and definitely not for Michal who was intended as a bait to destroy him.

What David considered as the remuneration or benefit for marrying Michal was the prestige of being a son-in-law to the king. When he was told the cost of the bride-price, he saw it as cheap and attainable price for the honors of being the son-in-law of the king. But in this story nothing showed that David had any affection for Michal or any intention to reciprocate her love.

A lot of young women have gone into this kind of one-sided-love marriage and have gotten themselves to blame for it. These ones didn’t pray, they didn’t hear from God, all they knew was that they were in love with the guy and they were going to have him. And because of their diligence and determination they did have him and one month down the line, they wished they didn’t have him and to reverse what had been done is almost impossible by God’s standard.

By the time we read the continuation of the story of Michal daughter of Saul in 2 Samuel 3:13-16, we will notice that Michal had married another husband while David was running for his dear life from the hands of Saul. So my question then is: What happened to the love that she had for David that made her a tool in the hands of her father to destroy David? So to say that the moment David was out of the scene, the love vanished into thin air.

This unhealthy love of Michal for David once again made her a tool of bargain between David and the house of Saul for David to take over the throne of Israel as king over Israel in 2 Samuel 3:6-21. And just when she finally thought she had settled down to normal life into the house and arms of a loving husband, her past hunts her and she had to leave the arms and house of the man who loves her and she should have been with from the beginning of her marital life again into the life of a man who considered simply as a tool.

This story is not just for Bible times, similar cases are still surfacing in our present time and world and these are the aftermath of love without God. I have heard the saying “only fools rush in” quite a number of times and in marriage this saying is really so very true.  

Getting it Right Through Love and Submission

Good evening great people, I am so sorry I couldn't drop a write-up for you yesterday, but I bless God that today you will be reading from this blog.

Today we will try to discuss the issue of domestic violence once again. It’s one topic you can never over-flog when discussing marriage. Domestic violence between married couples isn’t limited to physical violence, but the emotional trauma of a troubled marriage can send one to an early grave if care is not taken. The interesting thing is that divorce hardly solves the problem.

In dealing with domestic violence, the first person that needs to change is you, whether you see yourself as the victim or the one victimizing the other. But I will want to first address those who see themselves as victims or are actually victims of domestic violence. And my first message to such people is: never be the cause of the domestic violence in your home. Those who teach that the wife and her husband are mates in marriage and so have equal rights are actually breeding trouble in that marriage that often times degenerates into violence or divorce or even death sometimes.

The truth that we have found in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22-24) is that the man is the head of his wife and Christ is the head of the man. In any institution or organization we always have the head or the team-lead, and whoever is appointed the head or team-lead takes responsibility for the affairs of the organization, directs the affairs of the organization and will be held responsible if anything goes wrong within the organization. But this same team-lead enjoys some privileges; we can regard this as privileges that accompanies the responsibilities he/she has to bear. The team-lead or head is also one that all the other members of the organisation or institution have to obey and respect. The moment the head or team-lead stops to enjoy the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him, that's the moment problem starts in that organization and things begin to fall apart.

The team-lead can stop enjoying the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him/her as a result of him/her mishandling the power and honor entrusted to him; and this he can earn back by righting his wrongs and humbly build the trust, respect and loyalty again. 

The team-lead can also stop to enjoy the loyalty, respect and obedience of those under him/her as a result of rebellion. It just takes one bad influence in the group to begin to sow the seed of rebellion in the other members of the group and before you know it rebellion is taking root and growing stem in the organization. It’s just a matter of time for this bad trend to grow leaves and flourish and before you know it, the crack in the organization begins to get obvious for all to see.

This illustration is exactly how we have it in marriages and homes too. For every marriage and home, there is the head who is the husband, and then the wife who is the helper and the children and other members of the household who makes up the body of the home. The husband/father is the main burden bearer of that home; he is responsible for everything that has to do with the home and if anything goes wrong in the home, it's the husband/father that God holds responsible and accountable.

As the head of the family, the husband does not share the same right and privileges with any other member of the home, not even with his wife. But by virtue of the burden he is assigned to bear and the responsibilities he is supposed to be carrying, he needs the loyalty, obedience and respect of his wife and entire household. He cannot lead well and carry out his responsibilities effectively if he does not have the support, loyalty, respect and obedience of his wife and entire household. So we should understand better why God instructed the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord.

This is my reason for faulting those who teach that the husband and the wife are equal in marriage: The moment you see your husband as your equal and at par with you, that is the moment you begin to stop to obey him; that is the onset of rebellion in your marriage, and that I am sorry to say, is the beginning of the end of your marriage. The seed of equality in marriage is so sweet to the ears of us woman that we don’t need any other additive to that seed to make it grow. But it’s the worst thing that can ever happen to any marriage.

For the head of the home to effectively lead his home and secure the trust, obedience, respect and loyalty of his wife and household he needs to love them unconditionally. And that explains why God says the man should love his wife like Christ loves the church. The Bible went further to say that a man should love his wife like himself. When you give your wife your all, and love her sacrificially with all your heart, and this is not hidden love, but open love that she sees and feels, then you need nothing else but God to add to that love to make her trust and obey you. As a man and husband, when you want the loyalty of your wife and you want her to obey your instructions, just love her and let her know you love her. With your unflinching love, no amount of seed of rebellion planted in her will take root not to talk of grow shot. And with the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your wife, you are assured of the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your entire household.  

When you have an operational home such as one with plenty of love, followed by unflinching respect, submission, loyalty and trust of the entire household, then there will be no room for domestic violence in any form. It is important for the husband/father to note that unlike what we always want to believe that the mother is responsible for the well-being of the children while the father makes available finances to run the home, God holds the husband/father responsible for how every member of his family turns out to be.

In Genesis 18:19, it was Abraham God chose so that he would instruct his family to follow after God and not Sarah; In Job 1:5, it was Job who sacrificed regularly to the Lord on behalf of his children and not Job’s wife and in 1 Samuel 2:12 – 4:22, it was Prophet Eli who died along with his sons and household for the sins of his sons; he was held responsible for the sins of his sons. There was never a mention of Eli’s wife in the whole story. This tells us that it is the head of the home that God will hold responsible and accountable for the lives and conducts of those whom God has placed under him to watch over.

We have been so blinded by very wrong norms and values and have seen the old way as the ineffective way. Little do we wonder why marriages in the olden days were prospering but are not so in this age and time. What we have assumed to be foolish is actually what works. Rather than improving on the old, we have abandoned it completely and set our hearts on the opposite path which is far from God's will. Rather than getting better results, our marriages are becoming worse-off. In your own marriage what way will it be? 

Just Gisting

It’s another gist day and I hope and pray we will have a prosperous new week in Jesus name. I hope we are back from the weekend refreshed and renewed.

It’s no gainsaying that the economy is bad all over the world, but it appears that Nigeria where I come from and reside in, is the worst hit country of all. I don’t know how bad the economic recession is in other countries, but in Nigeria, the prices of goods and commodities have risen by about 300%. And to say that this harsh economy is not affecting marriages is to say the least.

Due to high job loss, a lot of families now have only one source of income and whichever of the couples is the major burden bearer will get cranky every now and then. It’s a situation whereby the spouse making and providing the money is grumbling just as the one collecting the money is also grumbling. Because I have experienced this situation personally I can tell you for free that I know how it feels and where it pinches.

When you speak to wives who now have to depend on their husbands for their source of livelihood, you will hear exactly the same complain; the money given by the husband is never enough whereas the husband says he is giving too much and the wife is mismanaging the funds. It gets very messy sometimes, while some are able to manage the situation better.

We have studied the Bible and many thoughts and secrets have been revealed with regards to marriage and finances. We understand that a wife of noble character is a hard working entrepreneur; we also understand that it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family. But where is the business for the entrepreneurial wife of noble character, and where is the job that fetches income for a man to provide for his family? But we serve a God who causes the things that are seen to birth from the things that are not seen.

I want to dare ask that in these hard times when it is very hard to get a job from man, can you enroll in the workforce of the Almighty God? When I lost my job close to twelve years back, I thought my world was going to end. Times where hard then, and it seemed that all I tried to do to earn income met with a brick wall. In frustration and desperation I prayed and told God that since I couldn’t find a job with humans then I’ll apply to heaven.

Three years after I lost my job, from nowhere I developed an interest in writing; and I became a pen for the Lord. In order to kill boredom and get busy I began to write Christian articles; and then from short 8pages articles, I grew into writing books. Between the year 2008 and 2011, I wrote 6 books, all by the the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And I am still waiting on God to help me market these books so I can earn income from them.

And in 2013 I discovered the blog and started writing what you now read from me almost on a daily basis. I started with just 3-4 blog write-ups per month and just last year, with the leading of the Holy-Spirit, I write almost every day. And when I am done writing and go through what I have penned down I am always convinced it didn’t come from me but from the Lord. I feel too ordinary to deliver what is being delivered on this blog almost daily.

The catch there is that up till now I don’t earn income, not from the books (because I am still struggling to get people to know them) and also not from this blog. But I don’t live in lack. For every of my need that I place before the Lord He makes provisions available for me by means that I almost can’t explain. The Lord has so used my husband for me and I am convinced that it can only be God. And though there is recession, I will only be an ingrate if I say God has not been more than enough for me. Since God has begun to use me, every day of my life has been a prayer answered. Once I ask, I receive. All I just need to do is pray about it. If I don't get answered, I understand that God has something better in store.

This is my message today; you might be experiencing recession in your earthly economy, but there is no recession with God. While there is massive job loss here on earth, God is seeking laborers in His workforce. Remember Jesus said that the harvest is full but the laborers are few. I don’t know what gift the Lord has deposited in you, but it’s time to stare up that gift and let it may way for you and place you before great and mighty men (Proverb18:16). Proverbs 10:3 says, “The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.”

I once heard a story of a young woman who lost her job; this definitely had its toll on the family's finances and was causing so much problems between her and her husband. In order to kill boredom she gave herself seriously into church activities. She was always attending the church activities that was announced in her church and then it dawned on her that she could actually be making snacks to sell after the church service. So she would make pastries and ice some drinks and put them in her car. These she sells after church service and it solved the problem of finance to an extent in her marriage.

But the big one came when she went on an outing with her husband who was a very top executive in his office and a well-respected member of their church. Members of the church who had enjoyed the delicacy of the woman’s pastry snacks and drinks commended her trade in the presence of her husband who never knew what the wife had to do to stop the never ending financial naggings in their home. The husband was very embarrassed by his wife’s petty trading given his reputation in the society and church. It was at that point that the husband resolved to set her up in big business.

This story reminds me of what the Bible says in Psalm 37:4 that, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you are tired of having endless arguments with your spouse over money issues, seek God; enroll in heaven's workforce and expend your time and energy for God. When those you see don’t need your services, God needs it. There is vacancy in the Kingdom of God and all you need to qualify is a divine relationship with Jesus. And note one thing, the reward is fantastic. 

Did Sapphira Have to Die For Supporting Her Husband?

Acts 5:1-10

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.”

When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died, and great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then the young men came forward, wrapped up his body and carried him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

“Yes,” she said, “that was the price.”

Peter said to her, “How could you agree to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.   

I have received responses from two different women on this issue of submission and both sighted the case of Sapphira, as to why she was killed for supporting her husband. So we will use this post to understand and clarify the difference between the circumstances surrounding Sapphira and Sarah's story.

The Bible tells us that Ananias together with his wife Sapphira sold their piece of property; so what I am understanding from this story is that Sapphira was in agreement with Ananias to sell their property. It was also with the full knowledge of Sapphira that Ananias kept back part of the proceeds of the property sold. So to say that both were in agreement to do what was wrong in the sight of the Holy Spirit.

Ananias laid the remaining money at the apostles’ feet giving them the impression that he was submitting all he made from the sale of the property. I want to believe that if Ananias had opened up and told the truth to the apostles he would not have died and still they will not insist he brings all the money. But he lied and paid for it with his life.

At this point Sapphira his wife who was in agreement with him to sell their property and keep back some of the proceeds of the sale was still alive; her sin so far didn’t require the death penalty until Peter confronted her and she also lied and died as a punishment for her lie.

The story of Sapphira was a case of supporting a lie; she didn't lie because her husband asked her to lie; her husband had been dead three hours before she came on the scene. She lied because she wanted to lie in support of her husband. She was not lying in obedience to an instruction given to her by her husband; she was lying to buttress her husband's lie. 

Genesis 20:10-13

And Abimelech asked Abraham, “What was your reason for doing this?”

Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God caused me to wander from my father’s household. I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, ‘He is my brother,” ’ ”

This is the story of Sarah; this is not a story of conniving as it was the case with Sapphira. There was no agreement between Sarah and Abraham in this matter, but this was a case of submission without objection. Sarah did as she was told without raising any objection, but this does not imply that she was in agreement to the assumed lie, neither can we conclude that she was happy about it. She simply did as she was told to show how much she loved her husband since that was the only convincing factor for him to know that she truly loved him.

Then another angle to look at this from is that Abraham and Sarah were actually half-brother/sister. So their claim was not totally false, they just didn’t tell the truth the way it should be told thereby giving a false impression about the true relationship between them. So if we would judge this even in human terms we can't fault them both for what we have termed to be a lie.

Doing what your husband has instructed you to do even though its wrong and you know within you that when God searches the deep thoughts of your heart, He will find an helpless woman who against her will is committing an error on the instruction of her husband. Then I know that God will not hold you accountable for that action, rather than punish you for obeying your husband, He will punish your husband for not leading you right.

But when you come in agreement with your husband to do what is wrong, that is called conniving. And both you and your husband will be punished accordingly. When your husband is doing what is wrong and you stand in support of him and encourage him on, that is not submission. You are as much as guilty as your husband because you are a party to the wrongdoing. God is the God that searches the deep thoughts of the heart of men and your intentions and motives are not hidden from Him.

When your husband has committed a sin and you lie to support him and prevent justice from prevailing; that is not submission, it is called bearing false witness and it has its own consequences and its own punishment.As a wife you need to understand the difference between these two and I really appreciate those who have called my attention to this in the form of question asked.

Number 30:6-9, tells us that if a woman makes a vow or pledge to God and when her husband hears of it, he forbids her from fulfilling such vow, then God will release her from the vow or pledge by which she bounds herself. This passage shows how much God honors the submission of a wife to her husband. But there is a difference between submission to the authority and instruction of the husband and coming into agreement with your husband to do something. 

You don’t have to be in agreement with your husband to submit to him or obey his instruction. So whether you agree with your husband or you do not agree with him, just obey his instruction for your life and God will honor your obedience. After all we don’t agree with our bosses in the office for us to do what they have asked us to do. Whether we agree or not we just have to obey their instructions in order to preserve our jobs. In the same way you don’t have to agree with your husband to obey him; whether you agree with him or not just obey him in order to preserve your marriage.

But it would be most nice to have a marriage that both husband and wife are always in agreement with each other. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 that how can two walk together unless they have agreed to do so; there is great power in unity and unity is no unity when there is no agreement.

Marriage is sweet and obeying your husband’s instruction is easy if those instructions are in alignment with your thoughts and convictions. But agreement to do evil is a situation whereby all parties involved will be punished in accordance to their level of involvement in the act whether husband or wife.

I pray and believe that this write-up answers a lot of questions for a lot of people. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.