Getting it Right Through Love and Submission

Good evening great people, I am so sorry I couldn't drop a write-up for you yesterday, but I bless God that today you will be reading from this blog.

Today we will try to discuss the issue of domestic violence once again. It’s one topic you can never over-flog when discussing marriage. Domestic violence between married couples isn’t limited to physical violence, but the emotional trauma of a troubled marriage can send one to an early grave if care is not taken. The interesting thing is that divorce hardly solves the problem.

In dealing with domestic violence, the first person that needs to change is you, whether you see yourself as the victim or the one victimizing the other. But I will want to first address those who see themselves as victims or are actually victims of domestic violence. And my first message to such people is: never be the cause of the domestic violence in your home. Those who teach that the wife and her husband are mates in marriage and so have equal rights are actually breeding trouble in that marriage that often times degenerates into violence or divorce or even death sometimes.

The truth that we have found in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22-24) is that the man is the head of his wife and Christ is the head of the man. In any institution or organization we always have the head or the team-lead, and whoever is appointed the head or team-lead takes responsibility for the affairs of the organization, directs the affairs of the organization and will be held responsible if anything goes wrong within the organization. But this same team-lead enjoys some privileges; we can regard this as privileges that accompanies the responsibilities he/she has to bear. The team-lead or head is also one that all the other members of the organisation or institution have to obey and respect. The moment the head or team-lead stops to enjoy the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him, that's the moment problem starts in that organization and things begin to fall apart.

The team-lead can stop enjoying the loyalty, obedience and respect of those under him/her as a result of him/her mishandling the power and honor entrusted to him; and this he can earn back by righting his wrongs and humbly build the trust, respect and loyalty again. 

The team-lead can also stop to enjoy the loyalty, respect and obedience of those under him/her as a result of rebellion. It just takes one bad influence in the group to begin to sow the seed of rebellion in the other members of the group and before you know it rebellion is taking root and growing stem in the organization. It’s just a matter of time for this bad trend to grow leaves and flourish and before you know it, the crack in the organization begins to get obvious for all to see.

This illustration is exactly how we have it in marriages and homes too. For every marriage and home, there is the head who is the husband, and then the wife who is the helper and the children and other members of the household who makes up the body of the home. The husband/father is the main burden bearer of that home; he is responsible for everything that has to do with the home and if anything goes wrong in the home, it's the husband/father that God holds responsible and accountable.

As the head of the family, the husband does not share the same right and privileges with any other member of the home, not even with his wife. But by virtue of the burden he is assigned to bear and the responsibilities he is supposed to be carrying, he needs the loyalty, obedience and respect of his wife and entire household. He cannot lead well and carry out his responsibilities effectively if he does not have the support, loyalty, respect and obedience of his wife and entire household. So we should understand better why God instructed the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord.

This is my reason for faulting those who teach that the husband and the wife are equal in marriage: The moment you see your husband as your equal and at par with you, that is the moment you begin to stop to obey him; that is the onset of rebellion in your marriage, and that I am sorry to say, is the beginning of the end of your marriage. The seed of equality in marriage is so sweet to the ears of us woman that we don’t need any other additive to that seed to make it grow. But it’s the worst thing that can ever happen to any marriage.

For the head of the home to effectively lead his home and secure the trust, obedience, respect and loyalty of his wife and household he needs to love them unconditionally. And that explains why God says the man should love his wife like Christ loves the church. The Bible went further to say that a man should love his wife like himself. When you give your wife your all, and love her sacrificially with all your heart, and this is not hidden love, but open love that she sees and feels, then you need nothing else but God to add to that love to make her trust and obey you. As a man and husband, when you want the loyalty of your wife and you want her to obey your instructions, just love her and let her know you love her. With your unflinching love, no amount of seed of rebellion planted in her will take root not to talk of grow shot. And with the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your wife, you are assured of the loyalty, trust, respect and obedience of your entire household.  

When you have an operational home such as one with plenty of love, followed by unflinching respect, submission, loyalty and trust of the entire household, then there will be no room for domestic violence in any form. It is important for the husband/father to note that unlike what we always want to believe that the mother is responsible for the well-being of the children while the father makes available finances to run the home, God holds the husband/father responsible for how every member of his family turns out to be.

In Genesis 18:19, it was Abraham God chose so that he would instruct his family to follow after God and not Sarah; In Job 1:5, it was Job who sacrificed regularly to the Lord on behalf of his children and not Job’s wife and in 1 Samuel 2:12 – 4:22, it was Prophet Eli who died along with his sons and household for the sins of his sons; he was held responsible for the sins of his sons. There was never a mention of Eli’s wife in the whole story. This tells us that it is the head of the home that God will hold responsible and accountable for the lives and conducts of those whom God has placed under him to watch over.

We have been so blinded by very wrong norms and values and have seen the old way as the ineffective way. Little do we wonder why marriages in the olden days were prospering but are not so in this age and time. What we have assumed to be foolish is actually what works. Rather than improving on the old, we have abandoned it completely and set our hearts on the opposite path which is far from God's will. Rather than getting better results, our marriages are becoming worse-off. In your own marriage what way will it be?