The Travails of a Betrayed Spouse

It’s another beautiful opportunity to have something to share with you on this blog. Sometimes when I feel tired and the nudge to give up the blog, I get a push from one or two comments I see of people wanting to read more and learn more from this blog. I pray that the Lord will always have something to share through me to you in Jesus name.

I was with some wives a couple of days ago and we were about fives wives seated together and in no time we found ourselves discussing marriage. We shared views and learned from each other things we could do to improve the status of our marriages. Among the five of us seated there, none was less than ten years in marriage so you can guess that we all had our fear share of experience in marriage with stories to tell about our marriages.

But one of us had a bitter taste in her mouth about marriage, she has resolved in her heart that all husbands are cheats and cannot be trusted. And in her opinion, there is nothing a wife can do about it. No matter how a wife tries to improve herself in her marriage, her husband would still cheat on her if he wills. I am so very sure that a lot of women share in this school of thought, but it’s all so faulty. I do agree that a handful of men have grossly betrayed the trust their wives bestowed on them but I am also convinced that a handful of faithful husbands still exist.

Its understandable that a woman whose trust has been betrayed would come to a conclusion such as this, but the same goes for the man whose trust has been betrayed by his wife. He would easily come to the conclusion that women can never be trusted and all women are cheats. So there is the need to look at this matter and try to get a better understanding in dealing with the issue of trust in marriage.

I have written about trust in marriage several times on this blog, but it’s just important that I keep writing about it until we have a very clear and matured understanding of this issue.

The man or woman you are married to is human, and that means such a person is liable to fall and fail at any time. Even the man or woman with very high moral upstanding is susceptible to fall if he is not keeping rein on himself/herself and being very watchful and on his/her guard against any and every form of temptation and deception. Most extra-marital affairs begin with simple friendship of when a man and a woman who are not married to each other begins to enjoy each other’s company more than that of their spouses; and then they begin to share problems together and then help each other solve problems, then there are chances this bond outgrows it bound. Its always start as a harmless simple friendship and neither would know when the so-called simple friendship spirals into an uncontrollable attraction unless they make conscious effort to set a limit. 
The man in this friendship would tell you he is still very much in love with his wife but he is not sure what took over him and the same goes for the woman who finds herself in this situation. They will tell you with all honesty that they love their spouses so very much and would not want to hurt the feelings of their spouses but are still not ready to let go off the friendship that has posed a problem to their marriage.

As a wife married to a man who has found himself in this position, it’s not that you have done anything wrong or that you are not good enough. It was never your fault your husband walked his way into the devil’s trap, and truth be told, it’s also not that your husband doesn’t love you or does not want to love you. But when you find yourself in this position it is also not the end of the world nor the end of your marriage. It’s just time to let God do for you and in your marriage what you cannot do for yourself. This is the time to pray and commit the situation into God’s hands.

I agree that it hurts so bad when the one you have trusted with your life betrays that trust whether intentionally or not, but it’s also in order that you forgive and work towards the healing of your marriage than to keep reminiscing on the wrong done against you. The fact that you have been betrayed does not mean that everyone is evil. We all have wounds and we nurse it with the hope that it heals, and the emotional wound inflicted on you by the betrayal of a spouse should also be allowed to heal without leaving a scare on your life or marriage. 

In as much as I encourage trust in marriage which is a key component of a successful marriage, but I will say that there is a very healthy way to trust. When you learn to trust the healthy way you will seldom get disappointed to the point of being betrayed. This kind of healthy trust works well for every kind of relationship you find yourself in and marriages inclusive.

Jeremiah 17:5-10 talks about this healthy trust. When you trust healthy, you trust God rather than man, and even when a human is involved like it should be in every relationship, you trust that human through God. When you learn to trust this way you won’t be disappointed or feel betrayed. If every one else fails, God never fails. He will not disappoint your trust in Him, neither will He allow your trust in Him be betrayed. 

In case you are wondering how it is possible to trust a man through God or trust a woman through God, this is the way it happens: first you must believe in God, then you must have a trusting relationship with God. If you are one who believes in God and you believe that God hears and answers prayers and if everyone else fails God never fails, then you are on the right track of healthy trust.

The next thing to do is to pray. When you want to trust your spouse or anyone else you need to trust, you will commit that your spouse or who ever you need to trust into God’s hands and ask the Lord to lead his/her life such that they will only do those things that will make you trust them. If you believe God answers your prayers, then you should believe that God will answer this prayer too and there is no point acting in doubt or continue to be suspicious. Just believe that God’s eyes will be on your spouse and by the grace of God he/she will not make a mistake. Not because by themselves they cannot make mistakes, but because committing them into the hands of God, God will not let them make mistakes. You know the heart of Kings are in the hands of God and like a water course, He directs them as He pleases (Proverbs 21:1). When you do this you can be at peace in your marriage and rest assured that trust in your marriage will not be compromised because it’s a trust built on God’s faithfulness.

This has worked for my marriage and I am so very convinced it will work for yours too. Even when your spouse has betrayed your trust countless times this kind of healthy trust still works wonders and your marriage can be at peace because what you cannot do by yourself, God can, and will do for you.

Raising Godly Offspring : Manoah's Story

I thank God for another opportunity to drop a small piece for you on this blog, and I pray that what you read here blesses you and makes a great impact in your life to the glory of God.

In my last post I started to write about the product of our marriages and one of such important product is the offspring that we have been able to produce for God from our marriage union. God said in Malachi 2:15 that He made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit because he was seeking godly offspring from their union, and so if we will be diligent to fulfill this one of our marital assignments to God then we need to take the parenting assignment on our marriages a little more seriously.

We looked at the father in Job in the last post I shared, and learned a few lessons that should help us understand the scope of our assignment as parents, and in today’s post, we will learn a little more from another parent figure in the Bible.

Judges 13, tells us the story of the birth of Samson and there are so many lessons to learn from this story and I pray the Holy Spirit will open the mind of God to us and reveal to us the deep truth and lessons of this passage.

Judges 13:2-5

A certain man of Zorah, named Manoah, from the clan of the Danites, had a wife who was sterile and remained childless. The angel of the Lord appeared to her and said, “You are sterile and childless, but you are going to conceive and have a son. Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean, because you will conceive and give birth to a son. No razor may be used on his head, because the boy is to be a Nazarite, set apart to God from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistine.”

This might appear as just an ordinary story but the first extraordinary lesson in the story is the role Samson’s mother played in the realization of her son’s destiny. The Bible said the angel of the Lord appeared to Manoah’s wife who was sterile and childless and gave her the good news of her childbirth, but the angel didn’t stop at that. If that was all there was to it, it would have been easy. But she had a role to play in the whole matter. She was to consecrate her own life for the sake of the child in her womb. She was to abstain from things that could alter or affect the destiny of her unborn child.

In the same manner as parents we owe God the duty to consecrate our lives for the sake of our children. Do you desire a child set apart for God, then begin by consecrating your own life for the sake of your child/children. Set apart your life that your children might have an ideal role model in you. Set apart your life that you might have the moral justification to right the wrongs in the lives of your children. You will agree with me that it’s easier to lead your children by example than to direct them in one path and then you follow another.

Deuteronomy 7:9

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands.

Number 14:18

The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished; He punishes the children for the sin of the father to the third and fourth generation.

In the passages above we find the relationship between the consecration of the parents and the destinies of their children. Good or bad what you do affects your children’s lives either negatively or positively depending on the course of your own action.

Manoah’s wife had to consecrate herself because of the destiny and assignment of her son. She had to stay away from those things that could contaminate the destiny of the child she was to carry. It’s not just Manoah’s wife that has to do this for her child, we all have to because under our care are the generals of the Lord. The army of the living God assigned to bring down the Kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. By consecrating our lives, I do not mean abstaining from food and drinks, but abstaining from actions and deeds that will not glorify God in your life or that of your children. 
God says He is seeking godly offspring from our marriage union, and one of the ways we can make this happen is by living exemplary lives that will bestow on our children the love of God to a thousand generations after us. As long as the Lord still seeks godly offspring from our marriage union, then our children are Nazarites to the Lord, just like Samson was a Nazarite to God. Our children are the army the Lord seeks to bring His Kingdom down to earth as it is in heaven, just as Samson was destined to bring about the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines.

And just before I round up this post, I would want us to consider the role played by Manoah who was Samson’s father in the whole consecration issue.

Judges 13:8

Then Manoah prayed to the Lord; “O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.”

So we see that the consecration was not just about Samson’s mother, but his father had to pray for the Lord to teach them how to bring up the special son to be born. Are fathers still praying that the Lord  would teach them how to raise the army of the Lord or they are adopting their inadequate understanding on this matter? Manoah prayed and so should all fathers. Manoah sought clarity from the Lord and so should all fathers. So to be able to please God in this assignment, you need the help of God to lead you and see you through to success. If you have not been praying now is the time to start.

So we have learned that in order to succeed in producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks from our union we need to consecrate ourselves for the sake of the destiny of our children and we need to pray that the Lord teaches us how to train our children such that their lives pleases the Lord and they fulfill their destinies. In doing this we will succeed well. And so till I come your way again. I pray that you remain blessed. To learn more on raising godly offspring for the Lord, you can get my book "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring." It available on My Book Store through this link https://thewordthatsuits.com/

The Products of Your Marriage

Hello lovely people, I am so grateful to God that we made it to another new year. I am using this opportunity to wish you all a gloriously blessed year in Jesus name.

I want us to start this new year looking at the products of our marriage, I have often mentioned that what we sow into our marriages multiples as yields for us. You can’t expect to get the best out of your marital life if you haven’t given your best into your marriage. If your marriage isn’t giving you what you want, then check out the value of what you are investing into it. And not just the value of what you invest, but that you make your investment with the leading of the Holy Spirit being mindful of the fact that marriage is not a one-size-fits-all institution. What goes for husband A might not pass well with husband B and what wife A can tolerate and cope with might be an outright irritation to wife B so in marriage you need to stay on your lane and focus on God.

But one product of marriage that is of great significance to you and the society at large is the offspring that your marriage produces. The children the Lord has blessed you with. Malachi 2:15 tells us that God made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit because He was seeking godly offspring from their union. So to say that you owe God the responsibility of your marriage producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks.

I am not an expert in parental counseling and I only have teenagers myself and still on the learning curve like a lot of people that will be reading this, but one thing that I believe to be true both in Bible days and our present day generation is that your children and how you raise and train them have great impact on your destinies as parents. We have read of Prophet Eli in the book of 1 Samuel 1-3 and how his children through lack of discipline destroyed all that Eli had worked for as a priest before the Lord. And we also read in 2 Samuel 11-18 of how the small sin of David’s adultery destroyed the lives of his children. So we see that our actions and inactions as parents affects the lives of our children in no small measure as their lives affects ours as parents too. And then consider the fact that the more godly children we produce from our marriage who in turn fill up the society, the better the society we will have. As parents we have a very big role to play in the growth and development of our society through the growth and development of the offspring produced from our individual marriages.

Like I mentioned earlier, I am not vast in parenting issues as I am just learning myself, but would like for us to learn together and trust the Holy Spirit to open up the mind of God to us on this issue; it’s time to take our parenting responsibilities a little more seriously.

Job1:1-5

In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and three daughters and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest among all the people of the East.

His sons used to take turns holding feasts in their homes, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.  

There are quite a handful of parenting stories to glean from in the Bible, a lot of them I wrote about in my book “Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring,” but the one that we will learn from in this post, is the parenting qualities of the man named Job.

The first few verses of the book of Job tells us so much about who job is, but one important lesson that I am taking away from these few verses and would also want you to learn from is Job’s qualities as a father. The Bible tells us that Job was a very rich man, he was so rich in wealth that he was the greatest man in the East at his time. You will agree with me that with such wealth also comes affluence and fame. So it will not be wrong to deduce that Job was rich and famous. Another thing that should be noticed about Job is that he was a man who feared God and shunned evil and so we can also deduce that Job took the things of God very seriously. We can conclude that Job was a man who wouldn’t miss church activities nor neglect the work of God. He must have been deeply involved in counseling and evangelism if such existed in his time. All these as a result of his love for God.

But all of these didn’t deter him from raising godly offspring. All his wealth and fame didn’t prevent him from purifying his children after every festive period. It didn’t disturb him from sacrificing to God on behalf of his children per-adventure they sinned against God in their hearts. It wasn’t just the open sins of his children that bothered Job, but the hidden sins of the heart of his children were also a concern for him.

We should also note that Job as a godly man was a lover of God and the things of God; so his pursuit of God and the things of God did not make him forget his responsibilities as a father. He was not too busy with church activities that he forgot to purify his children on a regular basis. He wasn’t too busy with business and work related meetings that he forgot to sacrifice to God on behalf of his children, and the Bible tells us that this was Job’s regular custom.

Do we now think it was wrong for God to make a boastful declaration concerning the life of Job to satan saying there was none like him on the face of the earth (Job 1:8, Job 2:3). Job was a true righteous man who didn’t fail God in any area of his life including his responsibilities as a father.

I want to learn from the life of Job and I pray that we all learn too, and the lesson therein is that we don’t have any excuse to fail God in producing for Him the godly offspring that He seeks from our marriage union. If Job as the greatest man among the men of the East in his time did not fail God despite his riches and affluence, then we don’t have an excuse. And if Job the righteous man did not fail God in his responsibilities as a father despite his pursuits of righteousness and his work for God, then we don’t have an excuse.

Eli the prophet failed God as a father and God did not spare him because he was a priest, so your pursuit of righteousness is not good enough a reason not to raise your children in the way of the Lord. As a parent I agree it’s tough combining all roles but with God’s help we are not designed to fail.

I pray you have been blessed by this piece, and I pray the Lord will help us dig a bit deeper on parenting as a product of our marriages and I pray the Holy Spirit will lead us in Jesus name. Remain blessed in Jesus name.

The Responsibilities of Marriage

Hello people, its Christmas season and time just flies by without us knowing. We thank God for the grace to see the last month of another year and as we prepare for the incoming year, I will encourage us to take stock of the past year and show gratitude to God.

In today’s post I pray and trust God to open up our minds and our eyes of understanding to be able to know and understand the depth of the responsibilities bestowed on us as married couples. More than for just the show of affection to one another and more than just for the man to have someone to handle the running on his life for him, we have a responsibilities to God and to our society with our lives and the way we handle our marriages.

As a wife when you accepted the call to marry the man you call your husband, what you invariably accepted is the call to be a tool in the hands of God to help make the life of that man you call husband better than you met him. The Bible calls the wife a suitable helper and what helpers do is to make that which they are to help better. Helpers makes things better.

And the man who has accepted the call to be a husband to a woman whom he call his wife has invariably accepted the call to be like Christ in the life of the woman that he has accepted as his wife; to be to her and in her life what Christ was and still is to the church. It’s not just about being the boss in her life, but about being the one who cares for her and her every need, being the one who protects her and nurtures her to perfection and then presents her to himself as a perfect bride.

This is one of the many responsibilities of marriage and its important that we understand these responsibilities well and prepare for them well in our hearts and mind before we venture into the marriage union. Marriage is beyond mere falling in love and wanting to be together. The reality of marriage begins the moment the covenant of marriage is signed and so before entering into that covenant it is important to have a very clear understanding of what you are entering into and be well prepared for it. 
If you are not ready to love a woman to the point of making her better than she was when you met her, then its just important that you know that you are not ready to be a husband to her yet. Being a husband is not about what you can get from the union but more about what you are prepared to give in to the union and what you are prepared to sacrifice for the union. It is what you give into your marriage that determines what you get from your marriage. 

Making your wife better than you met her is not achieved with force or stern discipline like you are trying to mold a child. The woman whom you wish to marry or are married to is already a grown woman so the method of impartation is quite different. This improvement we talk about is achieved through love; deep, unconditional, unrelenting love, in the manner in which Christ loves the church. A love that is strong enough to wash away impurities in a human character, love that is strong enough to turn wrong to right and still remain undented. 

As a woman, its important that you know and appreciate that marriage is not a bed of roses where you raise your feet and have everything done for you in the name of love. In Genesis 2:18 God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone and He purposed in His heart to make a suitable helper for the man He had made and realized needed a helper. And so God made the woman as a suitable, befitting helper to the man He had made. So as a woman it is important that you realize that first and foremost the purpose of your creation is to be a helper in the life of your man, so never expect your husband to be perfect, but you need to realize and understand that you are the perfection your husband needs. You are the one whom the Lord has created for him to make his life complete and good after God realized that it was not good for the man to be alone.

As a woman, wife and suitable helper, it is important that you understand as you enter into that marriage union that you are on assignment to be a suitable helper in the life of your husband such that you help make him a better man than you met him. Your marriage covenant which God stood to witness is you telling God that you are ready to be a tool in His hands in making the life of your husband better than before. If this was not your mindset when you got married to that man, then you got it all wrong from the beginning.

Making your husband better than you met him is not about forcing your opinion on him, you won’t get the job done in that manner. Its about submitting to your husband in obedience and letting God use your reverence, purity and humility as a tool in His (God) hands in making your husband better. In yourself you cannot achieve the set goal that God has assigned for you in marriage, but as a vessel in God’s hands you can achieve much. It’s all about God bringing the best out of your husband through you and not you literally changing your husband because no matter how you try it out without God you cannot succeed, you will only get frustrated which will most likely lead to a miserable marital life or divorce when the center can no longer hold.

And another responsibility of marriage is found in Malachi 2:15 and it reads, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” The second responsibility of marriage is the offspring the marriage produces. Are they the godly offspring that the Lord was seeking?

In as much as this cannot be generalized and I don’t have statistics to back this up, but based on my personal experience, I have come to realize that marriages that are not functioning right often produces children that are not functioning right. There are a lot of single parents who are determined and are working very hard to make sure they raise godly and responsible children and they are succeeding at it by the grace of God. But the burden would have been lighter and the work easier if there were two parents united as one with the fear of God and the power of God in them to raise godly offspring that the Lord seeks.

In order not to make this post too lengthy, I will stop here. In my next few posts, we will take a look at the impact of our marriage on the lives of our children and search from the word of God on this issues. Until then remain blessed. 

I Think You Need to Learn from my Mistake

Hello people how are you doing, I trust you are doing great and I bless God because I am doing great too.

In my post today I want to share a personal story that I think we can learn from. I had shared about unity as a secret to success in marriage in my last post and just along that line, I remembered my own personal experience on the issue.

When we first got married my husband and I wrote down a list of things we wanted God to do for us as early as possible in our marital life. We had this long list of furniture and gadgets we wanted to own and so I began to pray on this list. Just a small fraction of what was on that list materialized within the time frame we wanted them done. We didn’t go far at all with our request list.

About two years ago as I was searching through stacks of old papers and documents in one of my cabinets, I came across the same request list that we had written about thirteen year ago that I was praying about. I smiled when I realized that all that was on the list had actually been done and achieved in bigger measure and we never even realized it. I showed my husband the list and was about to start going on about how good and faithful God is, when he made a comment that halted my excitement. He said it took us about ten years to get the manifestation of what we wrote on the list, and I began to think. That statement really dulled my excitement, but then it occurred to me that it wasn’t God’s fault that we had the delay, it was our fault. The years we had spent fighting each other rather than working together, the years we had been living together yet separated at heart didn’t count.

Matthew 18:19

Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.

Matthew 19:4

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.’”

The passages above says if two of you on earth agree about anything and ask, it will be done for you by God, but what happens if two don’t agree? That simply means their request will be on hold until they agree. There are some request that needs to be presented to God in agreement and one of such request are the request that originates from marriage. The Bible tells us that “for this reason a man will leave father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will be one flesh” any request coming from this source must come in agreement before God. The two who have become one flesh must come in agreement to make a request before God. Until the agreement is reached and presented in its proper form, the request is put on hold and unattended to. And that was what delayed the answers to the prayer list drafted by my husband and I. We drafted the request in agreement, and presented it in agreement and afterward the unity between us broke down and we stopped to be in agreement with each other and God put our request on hold till we sorted out our differences and reunited.

Its like when you have a joint account and the mandate on that account is that both must sign before disbursement/withdrawal is made. So you cannot receive any payment on any cheque presented on a joint account unless the two required signatures are on the cheque leave. So if you have only one signature on your request document, you request will be returned to you to go get the second signature. That is how the issue of marriage is.

If you probably feel God is blessing you alone in a marriage and you think you don’t need any agreement with your spouse, I can tell you for free that you are shortchanging yourself. The Bible tells us that one would chase a thousand, but two will chase tens of thousands, so you would be achieving more when in agreement with your spouse than you would have achieved alone. And its not just a simple addition of just a double portion but its coming in geometric multiplication, so you would achieve more together than alone and at the end of the day you would shortchange yourself on your lone struggle.

The devil has conveniently helped us to boost our pride while subtly looting us of our inheritance in God and so we focus more on the wrong done to us by our spouses and the need to avenge ourselves of this wrong than to pursue peace and unity with our spouses and let God right the wrongs in our marriage and handle the wrongs done against us by our spouses in ways He knows best. 

Its not important who is wrong or right in your marriage, the important thing is that you understand that while being single you had a personal account in heaven, you could approach God as a single person, pray to God and have Him answer your prayers based on your personal account in heaven. But when marriage sets in, your account status changes, your account is automatically merged with that of your spouse and in heaven you are no longer two separate individuals but one both in flesh and in spirit maintaining a single account in heaven. So when you are presenting a request before God its one account bearing two signatures. That request needs to be presented in agreement with your spouse for it to receive express attention from God.

One of the ways you can still make use of your personal account in heaven is when you are praying for your spouse and you are praying for your salvation or his/hers. But it is important that you understand and appreciate that your account status in heaven has changed once married and to make withdrawal from heaven’s store house you need to obtain the agreement of your spouse.

What my husband and I experienced on the issue of our prayer request is being experienced by countless marriages today and so it is important that couples do all that they can to maintain the unity of their marriage and approach all matters as a unit and not as separate entities. When they do, they have better success in all they set their hearts to do. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says two are better than one because they have good returns for their labor. 

"The Marriage Handbook" is a collection of more than 200 of my previous blog posts on marriage issues. It is a must have for married couples today and those intending to marry, as it helps you know and understand the principles of God in every area of your marital life, and how to apply these principles and make them work for you. You don't have to struggle through your marriage because God is willing to help you through it and when God is in it, the best awaits you. To get the hard copy of "The Marriage Handbook" please click here and to get the Ebook, please click here

There is so much being said nowadays about tithing and giving to the house of God. While some are confused about giving, some think its just the men of God using the Bible to take undue advantage of worshipers. What does it mean to give to God? What are the acceptable ways of giving to God? How do we give God a sacrifice that pleases God? These are questions that you will find answers to in the book "The Sacrifice that Pleases the Lord." It's worth just a token for the value of information it contains. To get a copy of "The Sacrifice that Pleases the Lord" click here and to get Ebook, please click here

"Gleanings from the Throne of God" is the first book I ever wrote and has been the favorite of a lot of people who have read it. It contains an understanding of the mind of God on a lot of issues that bothers around our everyday life. This book is Christianity made easy. When you understand why God made His rules for mankind, then following those rules is not as difficult any longer. "Gleanings from the Throne of God" contains the present day explanation to the things of God as found in the Bible in ways that you find easy to relate with. Do you desire a walk with God? Then "Gleanings from the Throne of God" is the book for you.  To get a copy of "Gleanings from the Throne of God" click here, and for the ebook click here.

The Making of a Successful Marriage

Welcome to the last month of the year 2017. It’s a year that personally I can’t complain about. I have taken stock and I can say will all confidence that God has been very good to me. I have not gotten all that I want from God but I have gotten more than enough to be grateful for and if God has brought me this far, I know He can and will take me through the full length. So I am thanking God and I believe you are too.

One thing I always do with God is that I love to ask Him questions. You know our little children love to ask any and every question so much that they get on your nerves with continuous questions about the same thing over and over again? Well that is how I am with God; I just want to know why and when and how of everything that concerns me.

Just like everyone else I did think that God was being fair when He instructed the wives to submit to their husbands in everything as unto the Lord. I assumed that it was lesser task for the men to love their wives than for the wives to submit their husbands, more so when you have a husband who is so unloving and lacks regard for your person as a wife and as a woman. God said in Jeremiah 33:3 that we should call on Him and He will answer us and show us great and unsearchable things that we do not know, so I took God on His words and I began to ask questions to know why He would say that women should submit to their husbands knowing the mindset of the men He created and how badly some men treat their wives. And up till now God has not changed the rules or updated them considering the trend in the world today.

God being faithful and true to His words gave me the answers to my questions and now I have a better understanding of the instructions and laws of God in marriage. For a man to progress in life and enjoy the fullness of God for his life some key values are very essentially. First as a married man UNITY in his marriage is a prerequisite to success in all other areas of his life. Unity in his marriage leads to peace of mind which enables him/her to focus for success and pursue goals without distractions.

The all-knowing God who knows the end from the beginning made the laws of marriage such that it fosters unity and encourages the peace that the man and his wife needs to have all round success in every area of their lives. When you rebel against the laws of God in your marriage for whatever reason, you jeopardize the unity of your marriage and compromise the peace of your home and in turn forfeit the successful life that God has earmarked for you.

Going against the law of God for your marriage and encouraging people to do the same is like a sin of rebellion against God. But I know that a lot of women who have had to endure a lot under the heavy yoke of a bad marriage would wonder why and how submission in marriage would encourage unity when they don’t even have peace with all they have sacrificed for the marriage? To this category of women I will say that no challenge is a waste and know for sure that what you are going through when committed to God has an expiry date when you have learned from the hands of God what He has purposed for you to learn through that challenge.

When you submit to your husband as unto God as an act pleasing to God, the Lord is bound to turn the situation around in your favor. If He did it for me, He will do more for you because He is not a partial God. When you submit to your husband like God wants you to and you are a prayerful wife, God will turn your husband’s heart to love you like he should. And in the same manner when a man loves his wife in the way and manner God wants him to, it’s just a matter of time before God turns the heart of his wife to submit to him like she should such that the unity that brings success will reign in their lives. It’s important to know and understand that just one of the spouse in a marriage working it right and working it out with God is enough to turn a bad marriage into a good one. 

You might wonder what the connection between UNITY in marriage and SUCCESS in life is. Well I have shared it on this blog over and over again and I will share it again now. This secret is found in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, vs 9 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” This is just as straightforward as it is, they have a good return for their work. So when two work together they have better yield than if one is working alone. Then we also find in Genesis 11:6 which reads, “The Lord said, ‘If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.’” This is the secret that the enemy of your destiny is mindful of and so he will stop at nothing to ensure that you and your spouse do not speak as one people with one language because he knows that if you do, nothing you plan to do will be impossible for you. And so in order to live above impossibility you need to ensure that you do all that you can with the help of God to ensure the unity of your marriage which is a key to your success in life. This is the time that we need to get smarter than the devil.

The UNITY that brings ultimate success is the unity between a husband and his wife because from the beginning of time God had made them one in flesh and spirit. There are no other two people that should be more united speaking as one people with the same language as the husband and his wife that God Himself joined together. The unity of these two with God watching over them breaks every barrier to success in their lives.

Now that we understand the role of unity in the success of our lives the next thing we need to really understand is relationship between love and unity and submission and unity. When you SUBMIT to your husband and not just merely respecting or esteeming him, you wake up the love in him for you. Your act of submission digs up the love of your husband for you. When you submit, it’s just natural that along with that submission is respect and obedience, and when you submit to your husband thereby obeying and respecting him you are invariably making him the king of your life. Your husband being a king confers on you the status of his queen. If you are the wife of a king then without any question or argument or analysis, you are a queen of his life. If there is no curse in place or external evil forces having a field day in your marriage, in a natural world a man tends to love a wife who submits to him, obeys him and respects him and is able to show some level of intelligence in the marriage. So as a wife who is praying, if you want your husband to love you then make him the king of your life, submit to him, obey him and respect him and see if you will not dig out the love in him for you.  

In the same way, when a man loves his wife unconditionally and sacrificially in the manner with which Christ loves the church he makes her his queen. I am a woman and I can say for a greater percentage of women that we will submit more to a husband who loves us and shows that he loves us than a husband who does not care about us. So the more a man shows unconditional love to his wife, the more he makes her submit to him. The more you make your wife a queen in your life, the more you become the king in her life. A man who loves his wife unconditionally earns the respect and obedience of his wife.

So putting this together, when a man loves his wife sacrificially and the wife submits to her husband in everything, they please each other. When they are pleasing each other, they are at peace with each other and when they are at peace with each other there is unity between them because they will agree on almost everything. When they cultivate that unity diligently, they are sowing seeds to their success. Don’t try to envy these category of people because they are not lucky like so many want to believe they are, they have worked hard to attain the level of comfort they are enjoying in their marital lives. They have identified some important keys to success and they are working hard to attain them.

But you and your spouse can enjoy what those that are assumed to be lucky are enjoying when you start to fight for the peace of your marriage by obeying the instructions of God for your marriage. After all the Bible says we should fight the good fight of faith. 

The Husbands Need to Do the Right Things First

So again we continue in the topic of discussion that we started from two previous post. I pray and I hope that we have been blessed by what we have read and learned from this series so far.

In today’s post we will consider another abuse of submission that needs to be looked into, and this is when a man unduly demands submission from his wife. This is a situation when a husband has absolutely forgotten that he has more responsibilities to his wife to love her like himself and like Christ loves the church, love and care for her unconditionally, respect and hold her in esteem so that nothing will hinder his prayers.

I heard the case of this young couple in which the wife got an opportunity to go work and live in Canada and just because the husband was not the one presented with such an opportunity he insisted his wife could not go, all because he was exercising his authority as head over his wife. Now before you think there is nothing wrong with such, please read some of his excuses. 1). He felt he should be the one with such a privilege and not his wife; 2). He said such an opportunity accrued to the wife because she came from a family wealthier than his. In summary he should be earning more than his wife and so he doesn’t want her to take the offer so she doesn’t earn more than him and then lord over him.

This is not a case in isolation, we have so many men who have caged their wives and prevented them from reaching greater height owing to their own insecurity and unwarranted fears and all they hold on to is that the word of God says the wife should submit to her husband. What these men have totally forgotten is that the same word of God says the wife is the suitable helper to her husband, so how is this wife expected to help her husband when she has been robbed of the ability and opportunity to grow and develop herself and her God given talent such that she will be ready and available to help her husband when he needs such help all owing to the selfishness and insecurity of her husband?

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one because if one falls the other can lift him up and these Bible passages applies more to the married couples than any other two on the face of the earth. But when you have not allowed your wife to develop her strength, how can she lift you up when you are down? Isn’t it huge disaster when the two are down at the same time and no one to lift both up? The one whom the Lord has assigned to help you when the need arise has been robbed of her ability to help owing to your insensitivity and insecurity. And then she would be blamed for your fall to which she knows nothing about. I sincerely pray and hope that the Lord will open our eyes of understanding to see beyond baseless traditions and norms that pulls down rather than build up.

Proverbs 31:11-12 says of a wife of noble character that her husband has full confidence in her and so he lacks nothing of value and that she brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life and we read on from verse 13 to 28 of the same proverbs 31 why her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. And what we read there is the entrepreneurial capabilities of this wife of noble character, her high grade moral values and her application of divine wisdom. Her strength in merchandise are chief of the qualities that endears her husband to her. And where in the Bible do we find a submissive wife being someone whose wings are clipped just so her husband can trample her underfoot in the name of submission? This I am still looking for and am yet to find.

We also have men who would insist that their wives work and then submit her salary into his bank account in the name of submission. Though the Bible says the wife should submit to her husband in everything and that does not exclude her money, but the truth of the matter is that only a greedy man would allow his wife work and deprive her of her wages. Even the Bible says a laborer is worthy of his wages. A man who works and earn income should be proud of the fruits of his labor and not grab and accrue to himself what he has not worked for. The Bible says a man should love his wife as himself, so I want to ask such man as this that if he worked and then is deprived of his income would he be pleased or happy? If he wouldn’t be, then why is he depriving his wife of her income and hiding under the guise of submission.

What God instructs the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church; the love of Jesus for the church is a sacrificial love, the love that gives and not the love that takes what it has not earned. Christ as the head of the church provides for the church, that is why we pray in the name of Jesus and expect answers. A husband is to work and provide for his wife (1 Timothy 5:8) and not the wife working to provide for her husband. And so I hope a man who has good understanding of the word of God will also understand its application.

If a husband is financially down and genuinely needing his wife's financial assistance, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But a man should be able to live up to his responsibility as the head of the home by also being the head in providing for his family’s needs.

Going back to the story of these two young couples in which the wife was gifted with the opportunity of travelling to Canada to live and work; to the glory of God, a counselor was invited to counsel them on the issue. The young man was asked if he truly loved his wife to which he answered yes. He was also asked that if he was the one given the opportunity to travel to Canada to live and work while his wife remained in Nigeria would he take up the offer, he also answered to the affirmative and said yes. Then he was asked if he felt his wife would be unfaithful to him with this opportunity that she has been given and he said he was sure his wife wouldn’t be unfaithful to him and he knew she would not exhibit any form of pride over the fact that she was earning more than him in income. So he was then asked why he wanted to deprive her of the opportunity that she has been gifted with and he couldn’t say a word.

The woman of God who spoke to them then made him realize that this opportunity could be a once in a life time opportunity for the two of them as nothing was stopping the wife from going to Canada, getting a job and be able to save and fund his own relocation too in due course since she had schooled in Canada before coming to Nigeria to settle down and he also did a good course in the university with a bright future ahead of him.

With the help of the Holy Spirit she was able to persuade the husband to let his wife travel and to the glory of God the wife has settled down in Canada, gotten a good job and she is able to send enough money to her husband to help him build up his account for post graduate degree in Canada. He has in fact paid visits to his wife and child as the wife was pregnant before leaving Nigeria and they are now both happy and better off.

Pride destroys more than it should be allowed to destroy in our lives if we are not sensitive enough to know when to nip it in the bud. In capping up this three post series on submission I want to say this, the instruction to the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, God wants the husband to love his wife as himself, and likewise the wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord in everything. As a wife you don’t need your husband to love you first before submitting to him because when you get to the throne of judgment you can’t give God the excuse of your husband not loving you as a reason to fail. And in the same manner, as a husband, you don’t need your wife to submit to you first before you love her like God wants you to because at the judgment throne you cannot give lack of submission from your wife as a reason for disobeying God’s instruction on your life to love your wife like you should.

In truth I know of a wife who had submitted all, even her income to her husband and she is better off today, and I say with all confidence that whatever you do in obedience to the word of God, you will never have any regrets doing it whether you are the wife or husband.