Is Sex a Problem in Your Marriage? Let’s Talk About It

I have heard a true-life story of a divorce that happened as a result of sex in that marriage. I am sure it’s not just an instance, but there are a handful of cases where the main problem in the marriage is tied to the issue of sex. Some couples are bold enough to speak up about the adverse effect this has on them, while others endure the struggle in silence. If this is a problem in marriages, then it is worth talking about.

I love the Bible so much that I have yet to come across a thing in this lifetime that I can’t find an answer to in the Bible. So, let’s see 1 Corinthians 7:1-9  and what it says about the issue of sex in marriage. Paul, in this scripture, writes in detail about the issue of sex in marriage. Paul says, “A husband is to render to his wife the affection due to her.” It is as though he is speaking to the husband that he should pay the debt of affection that he owes his wife. The NIV bible translation calls it duty. So, showing affection and intimacy is a non-negotiable in marriage.

Now, this is not just for the man alone but also for the wife. She also owes her husband the duty of affection and intimacy. Paul said, “As a wife, your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your husband. And for the husband, it is the same. Your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your wife.” The two are not to deprive one another except for mutual consent and only for a time.

Weaponizing sex in your marriage is wrong in any and every way you consider it. Doing so is opening the door to the devil and giving him a free rein to infiltrate your marriage and bring destruction as much as he can. You can’t say that because you want to punish your spouse, you will deprive them of sex. That is, you not doing your duty as God has instructed you to. Depriving your spouse of sex makes you just as guilty as the reason why you are depriving them of sex. Two wrongs never make a right.

God, in His infinite wisdom, could have devised another means of procreation when He created man, but He chose the bonding of a husband and his wife through intimacy. But we should understand that the purpose of intimacy in marriage is beyond reproduction. It is the beautiful joining together of two beings to become one in flesh, soul, and spirit.

Even in deep quarrels, once a man and his wife get intimate, fights and quarrels evaporate, and a new sense of togetherness is reborn between the two. This is one crucial reason why this kind of intimacy is reserved solely for married couples with a divine covenant between them.

 Sex in marriage is not just a call of nature; it’s not casual. It is a bonding that is reserved solely for those in a marriage covenant because it’s beyond just two physical beings coming together. It is a union of spirit, soul, and body. It is beautiful, it mends cracks in marriage, and it forges togetherness in marriage more than any other activity.

Sex in marriage is God’s idea, and it is not a thing of shame as long as the two carrying out the act are covenant partners in marriage, and it is between a man and a woman who are married before God and man.

Intimacy in marriage is an activity that the husband and wife need to be deliberate about. The feelings of your spouse need to be considered when thinking about sex in your marriage. It is not about one person enjoying the pleasure at the expense of the other person. This is an activity of two people for two people.

One more thing to mention is that if we understand that intimacy is between two people and for two people, then we will agree that the satisfaction of both parties is essential. If this is so, then we should agree that hygiene and a good and appealing smell are vital for intimacy in marriage. If the bible tells us that your body does not belong to you alone, but also to your spouse, then taking care of that body is not about you alone, but also about your spouse.

As a wife, if you’ve worked all day and you are sweaty, it would be nice if you took a shower and cleaned up before initiating intimacy. As a husband, this also applies to you. In a marriage, where intimacy is a constant, taking care of things like your breath should be vital.

Overall, if there is one thing that your spouse has gently highlighted as a turn-off, it is vital that such a thing is taken care of promptly for both to continue to enjoy the beauty of intimacy in marriage. Intimacy should not be done grudgingly, but enjoyed as God purposes it.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful thing. It is God-ordained, and it is a gift of God to married couples, not just for procreation but for bonding and affection sharing. It is a sacred thing exclusively for married couples. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

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🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Why do couples fight? Let’s deal with it.

One of the most common causes of divorce in marriage is tagged as irreconcilable differences. The first thing I would love to unpack in that phrase is the word “differences.” When you term something as different, that means they are not the same. The beautiful thing about marriage is that two different people in appearance, thoughts, and physical composition come together to complement each other and form a single entity.

The fact that there is a difference is the beauty of coming together in marriage. Where the strength of one fails, it may be where the power of the other resides. Each partner is to fill in for the weakness of the other. So, the problem is not the difference portion of that phrase, but the irreconcilable portion of it.

Marriage is the coming together and alignment of two different people, two different viewpoints, two different characteristics to make up a whole, without one viewpoint in competition with the other or overriding the other. The problem is not in the difference, but in the misalignment.

So, the problem when there are disputes in marriages is that there is a point where there is no alignment of two different points of view, two different traditions, norms, and beliefs.  Amos 3:3 asks an important question, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

I always love to liken marriage to the call of God on Abraham. Marriage is a journey to the unknown, just like the call of God on Abraham. It is a call to separation where a man would leave his father and mother, just like Abraham was called to leave his father’s household, on a journey to the unknown, and his only companion on this journey was his wife. But can two walk together except they are agreed?

The cause of disputes in marriage is not an irreconcilable difference, as it is commonly termed; it is a lack of agreement, because there is no difference that cannot be reconciled if the willpower to do so exists. Lack of agreement originates from pride and tradition. When you build your marriage on the foundation of tradition, that foundation is not just shaky but also drowning.

The first question I would love to ask is, “What is the root of the tradition on which you have founded your marriage?” Is that foundation not based on human frailty and limitations? Is it not based on human ideas with boundaries and limits? There is a need to understand and know that anything that does not originate from God is not perfect, with a certain probability of eventual collapse.

Human traditions that are not rooted in the word of God are not perfect, and building on a foundation that is not perfect tells of one truth: it only needs the test of time and adversity for it to crumble and fall. So, when your marriage is built on tradition coming from two imperfect sources, they become irreconcilable differences that is destined to fail and fall.

The differences that are irreconcilable are not God ordained differences designed to complement each other in a godly marriage. But these are differences in two faulty foundations that are never perfect from the beginning and will not agree or align in the long run because their sources aren’t God.

One other vice that originates from tradition is pride. That is when you allow the norms that you’ve known and the tradition you are accustomed to, to blind you in a sense that it is too big for the service that is required to build a successful marriage, when you have loaded yourself with pride and have become too bloated to render the service required for marriage to thrive and be successful.

From Ephesians 5:22-end, there are two simple instructions that are required for a successful marriage. These instructions are LOVE and SUBMISSION; every other ingredient for a successful marriage builds on these two codes of conduct.

The husband is to love his wife unconditionally in the pattern in which Christ loves the church, and gave himself up for her. And the wife is supposed to submit to her husband just as she would submit to God. Any deviation from these codes of conduct is what degenerates into irreconcilable differences.

I call these codes of conduct in marriage simple because the only things that prevent us from obeying them are pride, tradition, and unforgiveness. When you think so highly of yourself and consider your partner as not good enough for you to render the service of love and submission to, or when your tradition has taught you that men are always so bad that submitting to them is slavery, and as a powerful woman, you are on the same hierarchy as your husband so there should be nothing like submission in the picture, then you are deviating from the codes of conduct in marriage.

Continually reliving the past hurt done to you by your spouse, which you have yet to forgive them for, or probably you believe you have forgiven but just cannot let go, are some of the issues that will lead to more quarrels and eventually irreconcilable differences.

Comparing your marriage with other marriages is also a red flag that stems from a lack of contentment and can also be a source of problems in your marriage. Every individual was created by God uniquely. No matter how similar two scenarios may be, they will still be unique to those involved in the situation. So, never compare your marriage with any other marriage.

This explains why Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. The issues we have discussed so far, that is, unhealthy tradition, unforgiveness, and pride, are all vices that result in hardness of heart. Taking away these three vices, and what we will get with the help of the Holy Spirit is a beautiful marriage.

The codes of conduct in marriage are simple, but the grace to follow these simple codes requires the enormous help of the Holy Spirit. The wisdom to unlearn the faulty and unhealthy traditional values that have been part of our lives, and the ability to receive grace to allow God to lead us in abiding by His rules of engagement in marriage, is worth praying for.

Marriage is beautiful. Living by God’s instructions for marriage is a guaranteed recipe for its success. To build a marriage that will last the test of time, each couple must be ready to dismantle and unlearn every faulty tradition that stands to attack their marriage, do away with pride, and be willing to get vulnerable with each other without fear of being judged. They need to trust God recklessly to lead the way as they walk in agreement with each other on the journey of marriage, which is a journey to divine fulfilment and prosperity.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

Why it is important to pray for your spouse

 

I have heard a handful of women say they have been praying for their spouses, and nothing has changed. As a matter of fact, some have claimed that the Lord asked them to divorce. Be reminded that Jesus says in Matthew 19:8 that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the heart, but from the beginning it was not so. Note that it was Moses who permitted divorce and not God.

But divorce is not the topic of today’s discussion, so we will not tarry on that. In reality, it will be funny if all we do is ask God to touch our husband’s heart and change him as a person, and then we sit and wait for a new man in the old man’s flesh, who happens to be the husband we are praying for to manifest.

I tried that in my walk with God, and that didn’t work for me. So, I spent many years in an unhappy marriage with my estranged husband, and in all of it, I was praying. I never stopped praying. But when I was broken enough, I began to pray for death instead. It felt like God was silent. It was as if nothing had changed in my marriage.

I was stuck with a man who did not see me, or if he did, he didn’t show it. I could not get a divorce because that is what God hates, and I could not commit suicide because that would be murder. I was frustrated, and I hated my situation. But guess what, I didn’t stop praying.

Over time, I started hearing God tell me to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. I would open my Bible, and even without searching out that scripture, I find myself in there. I heard it in my subconscious. God’s voice never stopped dropping it in my spirit with a gentle nudge. That word just kept coming at me.

Then, I spoke to God, I felt like the victim, and for me, that instruction was unfair. I challenged God. I told Him I was the born-again one, I was the one who was overlooked and needed to be treated better. And I heard back from God. He told me that if I trust Him and believe in Him like I am professing to, then I will start by doing exactly what I am told to do. My trust in God should be expressed by my obedience to His words.

Don’t forget that, where I started from was praying for my husband to change and for God to intervene in the challenges of my marriage. The starting point of God’s answer to that prayer was me. I never would have thought that I had a submission issue in my marriage until the Lord revealed it to me. This is because I respected my husband to a fault.

But when the Lord kept speaking to me about submission, I then prayed that He should teach me to submit to my husband in a way that He (the Lord) approves of. As a matter of fact, I had to go and look up the dictionary meaning of “submission” and “submit.” And what I learned from the dictionary was that to submit means to yield yourself to the authority of another willingly.

It was at that point that I knew and understood that what I had for my husband was mere respect and not submission. My behavior then was that when my husband gave an instruction that I didn’t align with, I never argued. I only wait for him to go out of sight for me to implement what I was convinced was the right thing to do. And guess what, I never saw this as a problem; instead, I saw it as me helping him to avert the problems of a wrong decision that he was making, in my own opinion.

Sometimes when we pray, God does a miracle instantly, and sometimes He gives us a strategy that leads to our desired result. In that instance, the work is done by us through the leading of God. And then sometimes God takes what we have to create a miracle out of it. The truth is that for the answered prayers that we seek, there will be an input from us. This is because God multiples our seed, but He does not do magic. So, we need to give Him a seed and sometimes seeds to multiply.

When we pray for our spouse, we need to understand that the answer to that prayer will require some form of input from us. And that means when we pray, we need to be attentive to the voice of God and be sensitive to His leading. We cannot expect that once we pray, we will just have a brand new husband in the old husband’s flesh overnight.

But what happens in reality is that the more we do what God tells us to do, the more our spouse’s heart is being softened under the touch of God. In Ezekiel 36:26, God says, “I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” The implementation of this truth does not happen overnight. It comes as a result of what the person has experienced that has created a divine revelation within them.

Sometimes, the implementation of God’s word in the life of your spouse, which is the sum of all your prayers for him, comes from what he has experienced through your obeying God’s instructions for your life, as a result of the strategy God has given you in the place of prayer. Your obedience may be the eye opener for your spouse that brings about a new heaven revelation that changes his heart of stone to a heart of flesh. So sometimes when you pray, your actions, ability to hear from God, and your obedience to God’s instructions are also needed in the answer to that prayer.

Let me use this illustration to explain this better. It's like taking a sick person to the hospital, and a surgery is required. You, who took the sick person for surgery, happen to be a nurse who is required to assist the surgeon in carrying out the procedure. You are the custodian of the tools needed to carry out the surgical procedure. When the surgeon asks for a 10-blade (tool needed for surgery), it is your responsibility to provide it immediately; otherwise, there may be fatality.

This is what it feels like when we commit our spouses to God in prayer. The Lord handles the change, but He requires our input in carrying out the change. Your obedience to God’s instruction over your marriage, your submission, and your act of selfless help are all tools in the hands of God in bringing about the change in your spouse that you are praying for.

In my own case, God required my submission. And with His help and the support of the Holy Spirit, I was able to submit to my husband in a way that was usable by God in softening my husband’s heart and healing my marriage. I made that sacrifice, and I am reaping the benefit now.

I don’t know what your command or instructions may be. But when you pray, don’t just stop there; actions are required, and your input is necessary. Listen to the voice of God, understand the instructions, and obey the leading. In that obedience lies the strategy that is required for the healing of your marriage. Never say or conclude that your spouse can never change because they can if only you listen for the strategy, work with God, and in due course enjoy the benefits.

 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Find Peace in Life’s Tough Seasons

Discover why God allows certain experiences and gain the kind of peace that settles your heart even in difficult moments.

🔥 Get Practical Guidance for Everyday Challenges

Learn how to handle worry, loss, waiting seasons, and emotional pressure with biblical wisdom that actually works.

🌱 Grow Spiritually and Understand God’s Purpose for Your Life

See your life from God’s perspective and strengthen your walk with Him, one chapter at a time. 

                                                               It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

                                                            📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE                                                                                          

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

💛 Build a Peaceful, Harmonious Home

This book equips you with the wisdom to avoid unnecessary conflicts, communicate with grace, and create an atmosphere of peace in your home by aligning with God’s heart for marriage.

🔑 Learn God’s Proven Principles for a Strong Marriage

You will discover the practical, scriptural “rules of engagement” that restore unity, heal marital strain, and protect your home from the unhealthy traditions, pride, and habits that tear marriages down.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?

                                                            👉 📘 You can read the first chapter for FREE 

                                                                                                                    

                                                                

 

The Importance of the Power of Unity in Marriage

There seems to be a subtle trick that the devil knows about marriage that he has been conveniently exploiting, and we, as children of God, are either not aware of or we are not taking seriously. That subtle trick is Unity in Marriage. Unity in marriage is not just about friendship or romance; it is about a strategy that brings about growth and kills stagnation.

In Genesis 11:6, God said something with regard to the building of the tower of Babel. He said, “Indeed, the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them.” That is to say that if the people are one, nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them, told by God Himself and not Derin.

In Matthew 18:19, Jesus says, “If two agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by His (our) Father in heaven." God said it in Genesis, Jesus repeated it in Matthew, and that tells me there is power in unity. But more so, there is power in unity in marriage because what better two can there be than the two of the husband and wife that the Lord has joined together and made one in flesh and in spirit.

But guess what, the devil knows more than you know that there is power in unity, and so he ensures that there is no unity. So, while you are busy proving a point and insisting on your right, the devil is having a field day enjoying your ignorance. He understands that as long as there is no agreement, there is no achievement. And that is all that he wants.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the wise king Solomon added his voice to the revelation based on the depth of his wisdom when he said, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Again, I wonder what better two can we have than the two of a husband and wife laboring together. Based on the truth of the Bible, joint labor is far more profitable than individual effort.

All of the scriptures above underscore the power of unity, but the marriage element of it is what we see in Genesis 2:18. There God says it is not good for the man to be alone. A single effort of labor is far less profitable than joint labor. When God says it is not good, He knows what He is talking about. So, when the husband and his wife (joint laborers) agree on anything and they ask, it will be done for them by our Father in heaven.

When the husband and wife are married, heaven does not regard them as separate individuals any longer. They become two people seen and addressed as one by God. When there is a request to heaven without an agreement first, such a request is not complete. It is paused until there is an agreement for it to move forward.

It’s like having a joint account in heaven. When a cheque is drawn on a joint account with only a single signatory’s signature, the bank would not honor such a cheque because the mandate on the account is not fulfilled. The cheque is returned without a withdrawal made until there is the required second signature on the cheque. This is what the devil knows that we don’t know or we are not paying attention to.

I cherish my peace of mind, and so I don’t like fights or conflicts in my marriage. I try as much as I can to avoid it. But other than being mindful of my peace of mind, I understand too well the importance of unity in my marriage, and I protect that unity. I would rather sacrifice my opinion and allow my husband to lead in whatever direction he so chooses than to be the fool to the devil and sacrifice the unity of my marriage on the altar of providing a point and wanting my opinion to be heard. I have won so many battles on my knees than with my mouth.

Fights in marriage can be inevitable. Even the healthiest of marriages have conflicts. But the application of knowledge and understanding should be at the center of every successful marital relationship. Settling the dispute quickly and maintaining the unity of the marriage is something that should not be compromised.

Let us all not be fooled, the devil knows, and understands the power of unity. He heard God say it in Genesis 11:6; he heard Jesus speak about it in Matthew 18:19, and he plays on our pride and ego by selling us the narrative of speaking up, and we have conveniently fallen for his tricks.

In Exodus 14:14, God tells us that the battles are His to fight. Even if you have to speak up and address pressing issues with your spouse, pray about it first and let the Lord give you divine utterance that will fix the problem without creating another one.

I agree that sometimes when you are in an abusive relationship, you don’t just stay still. And sometimes you will have to speak up, but make sure that in speaking up, you have the backing of heaven. Your first place to run to when you need help is to the throne of God. Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:12 that God is able to keep that which he has committed to Him. A beautiful marriage is not run on intellect, it is not run on romance or love; a beautiful marriage is run on the leading and backing of God.

Unity in your marriage is built on the altar of prayer. To promote unity in your marriage, you must be willing to sacrifice your ego, pride, the insistence on your way, and the willingness to agree with your spouse even when it may not make any sense at that time. When you are not convinced that the approach to an issue by your spouse is the right way, just hand it over to God. God will handle it on your behalf in a manner that would not injure or compromise the unity of your marriage.

Life is a lot easier when you labor jointly rather than in a singular effort. The scientific law of division is a logical way to consider this. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” One will chase a thousand, but two will put tens of thousands to flight. The profit of joint effort is not in arithmetic progression; it is seen in multiples.  

Don’t let the devil keep you stagnant and stall your growth simply because you cannot align with your spouse and agree on issues. What you are losing costs a lot more than the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument.

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

 

The Important Lessons, I Learned From Conflicts in My Marriage

If there is one thing I detest in my marriage, it is conflicts and fights. But that does not mean that I don’t push back on some issues, and that does not happen too often. The first thing I pursue for myself is my peace of mind. I love my sanity and would not want to trade it for anything else. I am not foolish, and I don’t present myself as someone who can easily be walked over, but still, I cherish my mental health; otherwise, I will not be able to do what I love doing, which is writing these blogs.

I married a very assertive man. And even when his instructions fall short, they must still be obeyed. His personality is one that needs to be managed with care; otherwise, we will be swimming in conflicts every time. My husband’s personality is one that the devil can easily manipulate to engineer conflicts in my marriage, if I happen to be someone who also loves to be heard and wants my opinion to always count.

At the time when I was praying to God for my marriage and seeking His intervention in what felt like a miserable marital experience, His response to me was to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. As I had shared in many of my blog articles, that felt really unfair in my opinion. But I had no other help but God, and if I wanted His help, I would adopt His strategy. So, one of the many things I asked for in response to His instructions to me was to fill my husband with His presence and be the voice behind my husband’s instructions to me.

By that, I can always feel that those instructions are not coming from my husband directly but from God through him. That helps me to face the submission task a lot easier with the feeling that those words are from God to me through my husband.

Coming back to the issue of conflicts, if you have not asked God like I did, that is, you have not told God to be the voice behind your husband’s instructions to you, you cannot arrive at the same conclusion as I have in my own marriage.

Proverbs 18:2, 6, 21, 16:32, 17:14, 28, 15:1, 18, 14:29, 20:3, 19:11, 26:21, 29:22. All these are scriptures in the book of Proverbs alone that speak about conflicts, anger, and strife. And what you read here is also applicable in marriage. One key takeaway for me in all of these scriptures is that if you are rich in understanding, then you will be slow to get angry and avoid conflicts. But the interesting thing I am also discovering is that for us wives who are assigned to build homes, one key ingredient to building a successful home is understanding.

But I have found conflict as a retrospective tool in my marriage. I have learned not to be quick to react when my husband starts to pick fights. I always tell him that if we have 10 fights, it is most certain that 9 out of the 10 fights started from him and most assuredly end with him 😁. The so-called fights in my marriage have become avenues for deep thinking and learning for me.

In some cases, I try to prayerfully put myself in my husband’s shoes and view the situation from his own perspective. I tell God to help me see the situation not only from my point of view but also from his own perspective. This has helped me to understand my husband better and, in some cases, empathise with him rather than react with the same energy with which he comes at me.

Some people see this as making an excuse for bad behavior, but it has stabilized my home and saved my marriage countless times. In hindsight, my presence in the life of my husband is not to correct or teach him, but to be a suitable helper in his life. I leave the teaching and correction to God while I enjoy my own peace of mind. What I have found out is that my not reacting to my husband’s confrontations with another confrontation or in the same energy as his, ultimately sobers him, and he gets to apologize later.

But one more thing I have found out about his fights is that they are mostly wake-up calls for me. You know, I told you earlier that I prayed and asked God to speak to me through my husband so that submission would be easier for me. I have found out that a number of times when my husband picks a fight with me, it is orchestrated by God. This might sound strange, but it is true for me.

When the Lord is impressing a thing in my heart, and I am not obeying, or I am beginning to procrastinate, a squabble breaks out between my husband and I out of nowhere. So often (not all, if I must confess) when my husband begins to fight without any just cause or nothing to ignite the fight, I run to the Throne of God for answers. I begin to pray. And I have found out that just going back to obey God and do what He has been laying on my heart to do solves the problem.

Not everyone will agree with me on this, but this is the way I have maintained the stability of my home and my peace of mind and mental sanity. Proverbs 14:29 teaches us that those with understanding will be slow to engage in strife. I would rather be correct and still apologize for the sake of my peace of mind than insist on my own view or standpoint on an issue.

That does not make me a weakling, but no one quotes silence. I would rather let God prove me right than fight for my right. When God is the One fighting, He will do a better job of it than I can ever imagine doing in my own self-effort.   

There are a few things I would want you to take away from this blog message, and the first is: Is that fight going to produce for me something better than your peace of mind and the stability of your home and marriage? If it wouldn’t, then my advice would be that it is not worth the emotional drain that it will take from you. No matter what is thrown at you by your spouse, it is essential to pause and pray and not try to react on impulse.

Your value is not measured by the number of fight points you win against your spouse, but by the quality of your home and marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 teaches us that two are better than one, and it lays out the benefits. Now, there are no better twos than the husband and the wife. The unity of your marriage should be a bigger priority than the fight points you win against your spouse.

If you have prayed to God like I have to speak to you through your spouse, then those unwarranted fights might be God speaking to you and calling for your attention. You will miss that call if your reaction is to attack your spouse back rather than pause, pray, and think.

I want to conclude this by saying that those fights are not always worth the trouble. Not responding negatively to a provocation from your spouse does not make you a weakling; instead, it places you above, being the one with a better understanding and one with richer values. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

Learning the Correct Way to Handle Those Suspicions in Marriage

The title of this blog speaks of a problem. And so that I don’t continue to allow you to burn with curiosity, the problem we are solving in this blog post revolves around infidelity in marriage. It starts with a story that can be very familiar in marriages.

There is a lady with a very familiar problem in her marriage: a lack of attention from her spouse. And in cases like that, the first guess is that her spouse is having an extramarital affair. And just the normal trend, the lady is completely broken. She resorted to personal investigation of her own, trailing her husband’s movement, spying on his phones for possible evidence to hold onto or just something to substantiate her suspicions.  

One important thing to note is that in this true-life scenario, the wife is very well taken care of financially. Her husband is wealthy, and he spares no expense in giving her all that she needs and wants. But the dilemma is that the needs of a wife are not limited to finances or money alone. There are emotional intangible needs that wives have that also need to be met, and in this case, that is lacking.

As a wife myself, I know that we have an abundance of such intangible needs. And the big disconnect shows up when a man feels that, as long as he is financially providing for his family, more so his wife, then he is far and beyond in fulfilling his responsibility as a husband. Please note that that is a very wrong assumption to make.  

Going back to the core problem of this marriage, which is a lack of attention, the aftereffect was for the wife to begin to dig for answers to the why of the emotional disconnect in her marriage. And this pattern is not far-fetched. You just want to know why the chemistry between you and your spouse seems to have faded away. And one big suspect is that he is seeing someone else, who is taking his attention off you.

Checking your spouse’s phones, trailing his movement, playing detective, or even hiring one might confirm your suspicion, but what happens next? Is the problem solved, or another set of heartbreak unfolds? So, I have learned that marriage is effectively operated using thirty percent emotions and seventy percent strategy for it to be successful.

Proverbs 24:3-4 tells us that through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding, it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with precious and pleasant riches. And then Proverbs 14:1 tells us that the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands.

First of all, I want to ask a question: a wife who is playing detective over the fact that she feels that there is a disconnect between her and her husband, is she wise or foolish? Before I give my answer, the first thing that comes to mind is: what is she hoping to find? A confirmation that her husband is not cheating on her, or a confirmation that he is having an extramarital affair, or what exactly?

Will the result of her investigation build her home or tear it down? If she finds out that her husband is cheating on her, her home will be torn apart. If she finds out that her husband is not cheating on her, her home is torn all the same, because her husband will feel betrayed that she does not trust him in the first place if he finds out she has been spying on him.

How then can a wife solve a problem such as this one? From the scriptures above, we know that three things are essential in building a home, and they are wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. The wisdom that builds a home is not worldly wisdom, but the wisdom that is obtained from God. And the knowledge Solomon is talking about is not what is gotten from spying on your spouse. That knowledge will break your heart rather than build your home.

Many factors can be responsible for a diminished chemistry or affection between you and your spouse, other than extramarital affairs or cheating, even though one cannot rule out cheating. It could be distractions from work, external issues that involve external family members, or even a midlife crisis.  

To discern what can really be the problem, the first step is to pray and ask God to be your detective. Let Him who is able to search the deep things of the heart of men search out the root cause of what you are experiencing in your marriage for you. Whatever it is causing the problem, it is not beyond the reach and fix of God.

If God is investigating your problem instead of you, then He will also provide a strategy to fix the problem for you. Even in the event that your spouse may be straying into the arms of another woman, you can be sure that the effective solution to that will come from God if you do not harden your heart to His touch.

I understand that sometimes when you are heartbroken, confused, or emotionally down, which can result from your investigation findings or your mere assumption of infidelity, or even the situation of emotional neglect, it can be hard to pray. But as I mentioned earlier, if you want to enjoy a successful marriage, you have to tune down your emotional dependency to thirty percent and upgrade your dependency on wisdom. And to this end, against all odds, you need to encourage yourself to pray because the strategy for a lasting solution comes from the Throne of God on the altar of prayers.

As a wife who has been assigned as a suitable helper, you need to always (as long as you have the breath of life in you) pray for your spouse. Never allow his reaction or attitude towards you to stop you from praying for him. Because the success of the assignment from God to you as his wife is hinged on prayers.

No matter how much you nag, complain, improve yourself, cook the best meals, be the best partner in bed, improve your beauty and appearance, once all these are done in your own understanding and wisdom without divine strategy from God, there are no guarantees of success. And these self-efforts may likely lead to frustrations and burnout without success. You need to pray and let God lead.

So, I will conclude with this: if you have observed a strain in your marriage, please don’t go playing detective and sniffing around to find what is missing. Take the matter to God in prayer. Let God play the detective on your behalf; He will diagnose the problem and prescribe an effective solution.

It’s not always the case that a lack of chemistry is a result of infidelity. Sometimes your nagging will make the problem worse rather than fix it. I don’t recommend talking things over before praying on the situation first. Sometimes, praying to God and allowing Him to lead might mean you need to change something about you first. But I assure you that letting God take the lead means saving your marriage and building your home.   

 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

Will God Tell You to Divorce Your Spouse?

I have watched a handful of social media Reels and Shorts and listened to women say categorically that God told them to file for a divorce. Because I am not one to argue on social media, I thought to bring the issue here. And this is something that burns deep in my spirit and causes unrest within me.

I don’t know which God spoke to these women, but one thing I am most certain of is that God will not contradict Himself. Psalm 138:2 says, “God honors His word above all His names.” So, more than what anyone thinks they have heard from God, His written word supersedes it. If what you have heard does not align with what is in the Bible, then maybe it was more of your emotions talking to you and not God.

In Malachi 2:16, the Bible tells us in plain terms that God hates divorce; in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus reiterates this truth when He said at the beginning God made them male and female, and He joined them together, and so they are no longer two but one, and what God has joined together, let not man separate. Further, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Paul says, as a command from God and not him, a wife is not to separate from her husband, and if she does, she is to remain unmarried, and a husband is not to divorce his wife. So, when it comes to the issue of marriage, these are the words of God which He holds in honor more than His name.

If you happen to be in a marriage that is abusive and it is affecting you mentally, emotionally, or physically negatively, and you don’t have the strength of faith to remain in it, and you feel the safe thing for you to do is walk away for your own sanity and mental well-being, that is okay to say. But to come to the public space and claim God told you to divorce even though you wanted to work on that marriage is a lie, it is misleading, and it is a sin before God and man.

When God says He hates divorce, He did not give an exception. And if your marriage is bad and you are receptive to the leading of the Holy Spirit without the hardness of your heart, God will heal and restore your marriage. He is a God that is not bound by impossibilities, and nothing is difficult for Him to do. But people divorce because of the hardness of their hearts, like Jesus said in Matthew 19:8, and not because God told them to divorce.

One of the characteristics of God that we know is that He is a faithful God who keeps His covenant (Deuteronomy 7:9). As His children, formed and fashioned in His image and likeness, we are designed to keep covenants, just like our Father in Heaven, in Whose image and likeness we have been formed.

Marriage is a covenant, and divorce is an act of breaking a covenant, which is not a characteristic of God, and so if we are truly God’s children, we will hate what He hates and love what He loves. And even when we are in a tight position where we think our strength is failing us on the assignment of marriage and keeping that covenant, the Throne of God and His presence are the place to run to, and not the divorce court. But, if we choose to divorce, we should not sound righteous by telling a lie that God says we should divorce.

If you have done what God hates, and He decides to show you mercy, it does not make divorce right. God hates divorce, but does not hate the divorcee. Just like God showing mercy to a thief does not make stealing right. And so, it is crucial not to misunderstand or misinterpret mercy for permission.

I agree that some serious-minded godly people who eventually went through a divorce would have prayed to God for His intervention, some have waited on God, and He just seemed to be quiet on the issue of their marriage. So, they assumed the silence of God as permission to divorce.

But was God silent? Or was it that they did not recognise His voice in the flood of emotional chaos that they were battling with? Another possibility is that what the silent whisper of God was saying to them was a sharp contrast from what they were expecting to hear. And so, they concluded it wasn’t God, it was their minds providing an excuse for what they know is wrong, and just giving an excuse for the wrong done to them by their spouse.

I say these things because I have been there before. I know the feeling. I write glowingly about my husband today, but honestly, many years ago, it wasn’t so. There was a time in my marriage when I had begged God desperately for permission to walk out of my marriage. When I was confronted with the truth that God hates divorce, I begged Him for death. And it was that bad.

But rather than permit me, because He is a covenant-keeping God, and would not bend His rules for me or contract Himself and go back on His words, He gave me a strategy to repair and restore my marriage. For every prayer that I made, and every one of my cries to God about my marriage, the response I got was to submit to my husband as to the Lord.

It did not make sense at that time. I heard the voice in my spirit, and when I opened my bible, the scripture stared me in the face. I was the born-again one between my husband and me; I was the one who prayed more, who had a relationship with God, and yet I was the one the Lord was telling to give more.  

I was pained, I argued with God, it didn’t feel fair. But the Lord told me point-blank that if I wanted His intervention in my marriage, I needed to do as He says. I reluctantly succumbed and prayed that He teach me the kind of submission that He was talking about. Up till that time, I assumed I submitted to my husband, until the Lord showed me that what I had for my husband was just respect and love, but not submission.

I learned to do precisely what my husband instructs me to do, even when it did not make sense. Initially, it was tough, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, submission became my pattern, and God defended that submission and protected me through it.

But my submission became a tool in God’s hands for the healing of my marriage. Over time, I began to see positive changes in my husband’s attitude towards me. He began to show more love and care, and he started paying more attention to me. It’s been over 12 years since the time I begged for God's permission to divorce, but now, my marriage is healed. I have been married for close to 22 years, and it feels brand new.

I will not tell you that misunderstandings don’t exist any longer in my marriage, but the presence of God lives in it. The Lord restored what was once broken. What looked like the only possible solution, a divorce or death, is now a beautiful union; same marriage, same husband. The only thing that shifted was my willingness to walk with God on the road to restoration. I did not harden my heart.

I conclude with this: this is my own story, this is my experience, and my reality. But some stories would not end like mine, and that does not make them less of God’s children than me. God’s grace and abundance are available to us all to the capacity of our ability. Whatever your own story or experience, that is what is real to you; God’s mercy is what we all enjoy. But if you find yourself entangled in divorce, you are still loved by God.

Nevertheless, God’s mercy over a divorcee does not mean He permitted it or is happy you did it. But He loves you all the same. 

Thank you so much for visiting this blog channel. Your time is well appreciated. Please help a friend by sharing this with others. And keep visiting because I assure you that there will always be something to inspire you here.

There is something more to offer. 

🙌 Discover the kind of thanksgiving that unlocks breakthroughs and builds unshakable faith.

✨ Gleanings from the Throne of God is a powerful guide to understanding God’s Word from a place of intimacy and truth. It is a 10 mini-books in a single book. It talks about marriage, parenting, handling worry, and so much more. 

It is a must-have in your collection of faith-building tools.

📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.

💍 God’s Rules of Engagement in Marriage is a one-of-a-kind book filled with timeless biblical wisdom and practical “marriage hacks” for building a strong, lasting, and joyful home.

It’s not just theory—it’s a complete blueprint rooted in Scripture, enriched with real-life stories, and packed with proven principles you can apply to your marriage right away.

This book has been a guide and blessing in my own journey, and I believe it will do the same for you. Whether you’re preparing for marriage or looking to strengthen your current one, this is a resource you’ll return to again and again.

✨ Ready to experience it for yourself?
👉 📘 Available for FREE — in eBook and audiobook formats.